"Some Assembly Required"

Based on the Episode Written by Ty King

The following story is copyright © 2021 by Mark Moore.


In the cemetery, Buffy was sitting on top of the gravestone of Stephan Korshak, playing with her yo-yo. "C'mon, Stephan, rise and shine. Some of us have a ton of trig homework waiting."

"Hey."

Buffy inhaled a quick, startled breath and turned around to face her stalker. It was Angel.

"Is this a bad time?" Angel asked her.

"Are you crazy?" Buffy asked him. "You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You stomp or...yodel."

"I heard you were on the hunt."

"I'm supposed to be, but...lazy bones here doesn't wanna come out and play."

"When you first wake up, it's a little disorienting. He'll show."

"It's weird to think of you going through that."

"It's weird to go through. So, uh, you're here alone?" Angel asked.

"Yeah! Why?"

"I just thought you'd have somebody with you. Cordelia or someone."

Buffy stared at him in surprise. "Cordelia."

"Or someone."

"Nope." Buffy hopped down off the gravestone. "Why? Need an excuse to see her?"

Angel was hesitant. "No."

"'Cause, y'know, you can just ask her to hang. Go out on dates. Fuck." Buffy shrugged. "Whatever."

They started walking.

"What does she like to do?" Angel asked her.

"Talk. A lot."

Angel sighed. "I know, but besides that."

Buffy shrugged. "Ride horses. Drink coffee."

"I could do those things, I suppose."

"Glad I could help."

Suddenly, Stephan the vampire lunged at her and knocked her into Angel. They fell to the ground, but Buffy quickly got up. Stephan threw a few punches, which Buffy easily blocked. She punched him in the face several times and kicked him in the jaw, sending him stumbling into a large adjacent gravestone.

Buffy looked around frantically. "Where's my stake? I-I know I had a stake!"

"I didn't see a stake!" Angel replied.

Stephan grabbed a shovel that was lying by the other gravestone and came at them again. Angel attacked, but Stephan brought the shovel up and hit him in the side of the face, knocking him onto his back. He left Angel lying there and stepped toward Buffy. She met him and jumped over the shovel when Stephan swung it at her legs. He swung it at her again, but she caught it, hit him again, and broke the handle. She spun around with her half and jammed the broken handle into his chest. He fell over backward, dead. Angel got up, holding the side of his head.

Buffy was out of breath and a bit disoriented. She fell into an open grave with an open and empty coffin at the bottom. "Oof! Uhhh..."

Angel came over and bent down to look. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." Buffy sat up and sighed. "God damn it, I wish people wouldn't leave open graves laying around like this." She stood up slowly.

"So. Another vampire has risen tonight."

Buffy poked her head out of the grave and looked across the grass. "I don't think so. Look at those tracks. Whoever was buried here didn't rise from this grave." She climbed out of the grave and found a girl's shoe. "She was dragged from it."


The next day, at Sunnydale High School, Buffy walked into the library and saw Giles sitting in a chair and talking to another empty chair across from him.

Giles cleared his throat. "W-W-W-What I'm proposing is, um...and I-I don't mean to appear indecorous, is - is, um, a-a-a-a social engagement, um, a-a-a-a-a date, if you're amenable."

Buffy stopped and listened to him.

Giles was displeased with himself. "You idiot!"

Buffy smiled in amusement. "Boy..."

Giles was startled and quickly got up and faced her.

"I guess I never realized how much you like that chair."

"I-I-I was just working on..." Giles knocked over a few books.

"Your pickup lines?" Buffy guessed.

Giles bent down. "Um, in a manner of speaking, yes." He picked up the books.

"Then if you wouldn't mind a little Gene and Roger, you might wanna leave off the 'idiot' part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood." Buffy went to the table. "You also might wanna avoid words like 'amenable' and 'indecorous', y'know. Speak English, not whatever they speak in, um..." Buffy blanked.

"England?" Giles suggested.

"Yeah. You just say 'Hey, I got a thing; you maybe have a thing; maybe we could have a thing.'"

"Oh, thank you, Cyrano."

"I'm not finished. Then you say 'How do you feel about Mexican?'"

"About Mexicans?" Giles asked, confused.

"Mexican. Food. You take her for food, for which you then pay." Buffy sat at the table.

"Oh. Right."

Buffy smiled. "Tacos kick ass, but burritos are better."

"I'll certainly keep that in mind."

"So this chair-woman. We are talking Ms. Calendar, right?" Buffy guessed.

"W-What makes you think that?" Giles asked her.

Buffy shrugged. "Simple logic. Ms. Calendar is hot, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows that you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her. And she's the only woman I've actually ever seen speak to you. Add it all up, and it all spells 'duh'. Now, is it time to have a talk about the facts of life?"

"You know, I'm suddenly deciding this is none of your business." Giles started up the stairs.

"Y'know, because that whole stork thing is a smokescreen."

Giles stopped and looked back at her. Buffy laughed to herself.

"So, um, how did things go last night? Did Mr. Korshak show up on schedule?"

Buffy shrugged. "More or less. Angel and I took care of him. There's something else, though. We found an empty grave."

"Another vampire?" Giles asked.

"No. No, this one was dug up, and the body was taken out."

"Grave robbing? That's new. Interesting."

Buffy stared at him. "I know you meant to say gross and disturbing."

"Yes, yes, yes, of course. Uh, terrible thing. Must - Must put a stop to it. Damn it."

"So. Why does someone want to dig up graves?" Buffy asked.

"Well, I'll, uh, collect some theories. Uh, it would help if we knew who the body belonged to."

"Meredith Todd. Ring a bell?" Buffy asked him.

"No."

"She died recently. She was my age."

Giles indicated the PC. "Why don't we ask Tara to, uh, fire this thing up and, uh, track Meredith down?"


In the hallway, sign-ups for the science fair were going on. Tara was writing in her entry.

"Smile!" Eric Gittleson took her picture with his camera.

Tara looked at him, angry. "Hey!"

He turned around and saw another girl. "Oh, look at those legs!" He went to take her picture.

Chris Epps came up behind Tara. "Eric, will you knock it off?"

Eric looked at him, upset to have his fun spoiled.

Tara smiled. "Hey, Chris!"

"Hey." Chris picked up a sign-up sheet.

Tara watched what he was writing. He looked up at her.

"Oh, I-I was just wondering what you were gonna do this year."

"Why?"

"'Cause every year you win, and I place second, so I just thought I'd see what I'm up against."

"You know what the key is? If Dr. Clark doesn't understand your experiment, he gives you higher marks, so it looks like he understands your experiment." He saw Tara's entry. "'The Effects of Sub-Violet Light Spectrum Deprivation on the Development of Fruit Flies'?" He smirked. "That should do the trick."

Cordelia showed up and signed up. "Okay, I'm doing this under protest. It is not fair that they're making participation in this year's science fair mandatory. I don't think anyone should have to do anything educational in school, if they don't want to."

Tara looked at Cordelia's entry. "'The Tomato: Fruit or Vegetable'?"

"I wanted to do something I could finish in a weekend, all right?" Cordelia asked her.

Tara shrugged. "Well, it's a fruit. Captain N says so."

Cordelia stuck out her tongue at her.

Eric took a flash picture of Cordelia.

"Stop it!" Cordelia told him. "What are you doing?"

Eric took another picture.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "We are under florescent light, for God's sake."

"The camera loves you!" Eric told her.

"I didn't think yearbook nerds came out of hibernation till spring."

Eric snapped another picture. "It's for my private collection." He winked.

"Eric! Will you quit it?" Chris asked.

Buffy made her way through the crowd. "Comin' through. Sorry."

Eric took her picture.

"Uh, sorry to interrupt, Tara, but it's the Bat Signal."

"Okay, sure. See you later, Chris. Thanks for the tip."

"Okay."

Cordelia watched them go. Eric raised his eyebrows at her.

Cordelia was disgusted. "Uhhh!" She left.


In the library, Tara sat down in front of the PC. "This shouldn't take long. I'm probably the only girl in school who has the coroner's office bookmarked as a favorite place."

Cordelia came into the library. "Hi. Sorry to interrupt your little undead playgroup, but I need to ask Tara if she'll help me with my science fair project."

Tara didn't look at her. "It's a fruit."

"I would've asked Chris to help me, but then that would've brought back too many memories of Daryl."

"I found it!" Tara exclaimed. "Meredith Todd died in a car accident last week."

"Of course, I have learned to deal with my pain."

"How was her neck?" Buffy asked Tara.

"Fine, except for being broken."

Giles came out of his office.

"Hello!" Cordelia yelled. "Can we deal with my pain, please?"

"There, there." Giles patted her on the shoulder and continued up into the stacks.

"It says that Meredith and two other girls in the car were killed instantly. They were all on the Fondren High Pep Squad, on the way to a game."

Buffy stared at the screen. "You know what this means." She looked at Tara. "She wasn't killed by vampires. Somebody did dig up her corpse."

"Eww!" Cordelia exclaimed. "Why is it that every conversation you people have has the word 'corpse' in it?"

"Okay, so we got a body snatcher. What does that mean?" Tara asked.

Giles came back over to them. "Uh, h-here's what I've come up with. Demons who eat the flesh of the dead to absorb their souls. Or, i-i-it could obviously be a-a voodoo practitioner."

"You mean making a zombie?" Tara asked him.

"Uh, zombies, more likely. For most traditional purposes, a voodoo priest would require more than one."

Buffy thought about that. "So...we should see if the other girls from the accident are AWOL, too. Maybe we can figure out what this creep has in mind, if we know whether or not he's dealing in volume."

Cordelia grimaced. "So...you weirdos are digging up some graves tonight?"

Tara grinned. "Oh, boy! A field trip!"

"So...we're set, then. Say...nineish? BYO shovel?" Buffy suggested.

"And I'll pack some food. Who else likes those little powdered doughnuts?" Tara asked.

Buffy raised her hand. "Me."

"Cordelia?" Tara asked.

Cordelia forced a smile. "Damn, I have cheerleader practice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew we were gonna be digging up dead people sooner. I would've canceled."

"All right, but, if you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh?" Buffy asked her.

Cordelia huffed and left the library.

"Buffy?" Giles asked.

"Huh?" Buffy replied.

"Zombies don't eat the flesh of the living."

Buffy smiled. "Yeah, I knew that. But did you see the look on her face?"


In the cemetery that night, Giles, Buffy, and Tara were digging. The girls munched doughnuts.

"What was Cordelia's whole riff about painful memories? Who's Daryl?" Buffy asked Tara.

"Daryl Epps. Chris' older brother. He was a big football star. All-State two years ago. He was a running..." Tara paused and tried to think of the term. "He was a running..." She gave up. "Uh, someone who runs and catches. All of the girls were crazy for him."

"And he broke Cordy's heart?" Buffy asked. "Thus possibly proving its existence."

"He died. Rock climbing or something? He fell."

"Man, that's lousy. Poor Chris."

"Ever since then, Chris has been really quiet. Kind of in his own world. I heard their mother doesn't even leave the house anymore."

Giles looked at them. "I think we're there."

"By the way, are we hoping to find a body or no body?" Tara asked.

"Um, body would mean flesh-eating demon; no body would point towards the, uh, army of zombies thing. Take your pick, really. Right, then, uh..." Giles looked at Buffy. "Go on." He indicated the casket.

"Move over."

Giles and Tara moved aside. Buffy opened the casket.


At school, after cheerleading practice, the cheerleaders were heading home.

Cordelia looked at the other girls. "Guys, if we don't get this down by tomorrow, no one's gonna be led by our cheers. Practice."

A girl nodded. "Okay. See ya later."

Cordelia continued on to her own car as the others got in theirs. They drove off before Cordelia reached her car.

Cordelia heard something by the fence and stopped to look around. "Hello?"

She continued to her car and started to dig in her pack for her keys. She got them out and ran the rest of the way to her car. She nervously fumbled with the lock. She dropped her keys, and they rolled under the car. She kneeled down and reached for them frantically.

On the other side of her car, she could see someone in black shoes approaching. She quickly got up and started to run. The man followed her. She got in a dumpster and lowered the lid. She heard him walk past. When he was gone, Cordelia lifted the lid and checked to see if the coast was clear. She pushed the lid up all of the way, then turned around again to hop out - but was startled by Angel.

"Cordelia. This is the last place I expected you to hang out."

"Oh, God!" Cordelia exclaimed quietly. "God, it's you. Why were you following me?"

"I was worried about you. Also, I'm looking for Buffy."

"Buffy?" Cordelia asked. "Well, she's, uh...big shock, she's at the graveyard. But you're in luck. It just so happens that my night is free." She tried to get out. "Uh, hold on, my skirt is caught." She reached behind her and got her skirt loose. "There."

She picked up what was holding her skirt and saw it was a hand. She dropped it and screamed.


Giles, Buffy, and Tara headed for the library.

Buffy looked at Giles. "So...both coffins are empty. That makes three girls signed up for the army of zombies."

They went in through the doors.

"Is it an army, if you just have three?" Tara asked Buffy.

Angel got up from the table and faced them. Cordelia clung to his arm and got up, too.

Buffy shrugged. "Zombie drill team, then."

"You're back."

Buffy looked at Angel. "Angel." She looked at Cordelia. "And Cordelia."

Giles looked at Angel. "Um, as long as you're here, perhaps you could be of some help. Hmm?"

Buffy nodded. "We were investigating. Somebody's been digging up the bodies of dead girls."

Angel nodded. "I know. We found some of them."

"You mean, like, two of the three?" Buffy asked him.

"I mean, like, some of them. Like parts."

Cordelia shuddered. "It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm. God, there were so many parts; they were everywhere. Why are these terrible things always happening to me?"

Tara looked at Buffy and Giles. "So much for our zombie theory."

Giles looked at Tara. "So much for all our theories."

"I don't get it. Why go to all the trouble to dig up three girls only to chop them up and throw them away?" Buffy asked. "It doesn't make any sense. Especially from a time management standpoint."

Angel looked at her. "Well, what I saw didn't add up to three whole girls. I think they kept some parts."

Buffy was grossed out. "Could this get yuckier?"

Tara looked at her. "They probably kept the other parts to eat."

Buffy made a face at her. "Question answered."

"Why dispose of the remains five miles from the cemetery at a school of all places?" Giles asked.

"Maybe because whoever did it had some business in the neighborhood. Like, say, classes?" Buffy suggested.

Giles nodded. "Oh. Ah."

Angel shook his head. "This was no hatchet job. Whoever made those incisions really knew what they were doing."

Giles was in disbelief. "Yes, really. What student here is gonna be that well versed in physiology?"

Tara thought about it. "Well, I can think of five or six guys in the science club. And me."

Buffy looked at her. "So, Tara, come clean. Promise to never do it again, and we'll call it a night."

Tara stuck out her tongue at her.

Buffy smiled. "Tara, why don't you get these guys' locker numbers, so we can do some checking?"

Cordelia shook her head. "No. I have to go home now. I have to take a bath and burn my clothes. I don't wanna go alone. I'm still fragile." She looked at Angel. "Can you take me?"

"Isn't your car here?"

"True dat! I'll drive!" Cordelia led the way out of the library.

Angel looked at the others, shrugged, and followed.


Soon, Buffy and Tara were in the halls, working locker combinations from lists.

Giles looked at them. "You understand, in my capacity as school official, this search is completely unauthorized, and I-I cannot condone it."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Fine, your butt's covered. Wanna grab a locker?" She handed him a sheet.

"Uh, yes, yes, of course." Giles took the sheet.

Buffy approached another locker. "Okay, Eric. Let's see what's on your annoying little mind."

Tara was looking in another locker. "Nothing in here but back issues of Scientific American. Ooh, I haven't read this one!"

Buffy briefly looked at her. "Focus, babe."

Giles closed a locker. "Nothing remarkable here."

Tara opened another locker. "Guys!"

Buffy and Giles went over to see.

"Chris Epps' locker." Tara looked at the book titles. "Gray's Anatomy, Mortician's Desk Reference, Robicheaux's Guide to Muscles and Tendons."

Giles reached in and pulled out a newspaper folded open to a picture of the three cheerleaders. The title above the picture read "Tragic Accident Kills Three".

Giles showed them the newspaper. "I think it's fair to say Chris is involved."

Tara was confused. "He's into corpses, all right, but we still don't know why."

"Yes, we do." Buffy opened Eric's locker door and showed them a collage of a woman made from parts of various pictures.


The next morning, at school, Buffy went up to Tara, who was sitting by the railing on the balcony.

"Any sign of our suspects?" Tara asked her.

Buffy sat down to her right and kissed Tara on the lips. "Not yet. I don't get it. Why would anybody wanna make a girl?"

Tara shrugged. "They're sick fucks."

"Uh, Eric's sick enough to do something like this, but what about Chris?" Buffy asked. "He seems like a human person."

"I dunno. That thing with his brother was really hard on him. And he talked about death a lot. Maybe he just wanted to get one-up on it."

"But it's not doable. I mean...making someone from scraps, actually making them live."

"If it is, my science project's definitely coming in second this year." Tara smiled.

Buffy spotted Giles. "And speaking of love..."

Tara was confused. "We were talking about the re-animation of dead tissue."

"Do I deconstruct your segues?" Buffy asked her. She stood up and walked down the stairs. "Hey."

Giles was distracted. "Oh! Yes. Hello."

"Still no sign of our mad doctors?" Buffy asked.

"What? Oh! Uh, corpses, yes. Evil. Huh. Very good."

They saw Jenny stop and talk to a student.

"Did you bring it?" Jenny asked.

The student shook his head.

"Tomorrow."

"I forgot it."

Giles was still distracted. "Very, very good."

Buffy looked at him in amusement. "Okay, Giles, just remember: 'I feel a thing; you feel a thing...' But personalize it."

"Personalize it?"

"She's a technopagan, right? Ask her to bless your laptop." Buffy started to leave. "Have fun."

Tara joined her.

"What?" Giles asked. "Oh! Don't-"

Tara smiled. "Best of luck."

She and Buffy walked off together.

"-leave?" Giles finished.

Jenny walked by. "Good morning, Rupert." She continued without stopping.

"Uh, Ms. Calendar?" Giles asked.

Jenny looked at him but kept going. "Oh, no, please call me Jenny. Ms. Calendar's my father."

Giles followed her. "Jenny, then."

They went inside and walked together.

"You know, uh, Jenny, um..."

"Hmm?"

"Would it a-appear indecorous..." Giles paused. "Uh, no, not in-in-indecorous, um..."

"Yeah...?" Jenny asked.

"Well, um..." Giles paused. "Wha..." He sighed. "Ah, ah, um..."

"Rupert, look, I've gotta get inside and set up the lab."

"What - What I'm proposing is-"

The bell rang.

"Ah! I gotta go! Sorry!" Jenny went into her room.

"You idiot!" Giles admonished himself.

Jenny stuck her head back out of her classroom. "Hey! Listen, if it's important, why don't you just tell me at the game?"

"Game? Oh, uh, you're going to the football game?" Giles asked.

"Yeah. You seem surprised." Jenny smiled.

"No! No, I-I-I-I-I-I just assumed that you - you - you spent your evenings downloading incantations and - and - and casting bones."

"On game night? Are you nuts? You're going, too, right?" Jenny asked.

"Oh, of course. Always - Always do."

"So...we should just go together! Look, I could pick you up after school, and we'll grab a bite to eat on the way, if you like. How do you feel about Mexican?" Jenny asked.

Giles nodded.

"Good! Okay! And whatever it is you wanna tell me, you can just tell me then. Okay?"

"Okay! Tonight, then."

Jenny smiled and went back into her classroom.

"That went well. I think."


In the science classroom, Tara was looking through a book. "I still don't get how Chris could do it. I mean...arresting the cell deterioration is one thing, but..." She sighed. "Maybe an electrical current combined with an adrenaline boost."

Buffy came into the room. "Well, it's official. Chris and Eric didn't come to school today."

Tara looked at her. "Maybe they finished their project."

Buffy was wigged. "God! What if it worked? What - What if that poor girl is walking around?"

"Poor girls, technically."

"What could she be thinking?" Buffy asked.

"And what are they gonna do with her?" Tara asked. "Fuck her?"

Buffy shuddered. "Eeewww!"

Giles came into the room. "I don't think we need to worry about that just yet. I spoke to a press person this morning about the remains. The police have finished sorting through them, and apparently they found three heads in the dumpster."

Buffy thought about that. "They only had three girls."

"Precisely."

"So...they don't have the whole, uh, package?" Tara asked.

Buffy thought some more. "Heads must be no good."

"Based on what the police have put together, I would say they're one step short of completing their masterpiece."

Tara thought about that and shuddered. "One step."


In the library, Tara was sitting at the PC. "I checked the obits. Nothing that would make for a likely candidate."

Buffy was confused. "They seem kinda picky for guys who had three heads to begin with."

Tara looked at her. "Formaldehyde."

Giles looked at the girls. "Formaldehyde. Yes, yes, yes, yes, of course; it accelerates neural decay in the brain cells."

Tara nodded. "After a couple days, they're useless. They're gonna need something really fresh."

"How fresh?" Buffy asked her.

"As fresh as possible." Tara paused as an unsettling thought came to her. "Buffy, you don't think that they would-"

"I think anybody who cuts dead girls into little pieces does not get the benefit of any doubt. I wanna end this thing now."

Giles nodded. "I second that."

"Okay, fine. Tara, you go to Eric's; we can go to Chris' and meet up."

Giles suddenly remembered something. "Oh! I'm supposed to be at the big game, I-I believe it's called."

Buffy nodded. "Fine. Go ahead. We'll take care of this."

"Well, yes, but shouldn't I-I-I, um-"

"Okay, then why don't, uh, we all meet there?" Buffy suggested.

"Fine. Yes."

Tara stood up. "Buffy?"

Buffy looked at her.

"Don't be too hard on Chris. I mean...he's not a vampire."

"No. He's just a ghoul."

The two of them left the library.


Buffy walked up to the front door of Chris' house and rang the doorbell. She waited.

Soon, the door opened. Chris' mother was standing there.

"Hi. Um, I'm a friend of Chris'. I kinda need to talk to him. Uh, do you know if he's home?" Buffy asked.

Chris' mom went back inside and sat down in front of the TV. Buffy went in and closed the door.

"So...is he home?" Buffy asked.

"Westbury game. November 17, '95. Daryl rushed 185 yards that night. Four TDs. He was MVP, and he made All-City that season."

"Sorry, that was before I moved here. Um, but is Chris home?" Buffy asked again.

"I dunno. Is today a school day? Oh, watch! Watch this move! Daryl takes a kickoff; he sheds one, two, three defenders; and he breaks into the open field for a ninety-five-yard touchdown!"

Buffy noticed the basement door. It had "Keep Out" and "No Admittance" signs on it.

"He woulda been nineteen next week."

Buffy went over to the basement door and opened it. She went in, closed the door behind her, and quietly made her way down the stairs.

She looked around a bit and then went over to a table. There, she found pictures of herself and Tara. She also found plans for the body with Cordelia's face pasted on top.

"Cordelia!" Buffy whispered.

The door opened. Buffy looked up and then quickly hopped over to the open basement window and climbed out.


In the girls' locker room at school, Cordelia was putting on her lip gloss.

Joy Wilmshurst, the cheerleading squad leader, walked by. "Cordelia. You coming?"

"Yeah, I'll be right out." Cordelia finished putting on her lip gloss and saw Chris appear behind her in the mirror. She was startled and turned to face him. "Oh, God! Chris, you scared me. What are you doing in here?"

He looked down and away from her.

"Is something wrong?" Cordelia asked.

Suddenly, a bag was put over her head. Cordelia screamed as she was dragged off.


Buffy ran around a corner in the halls and saw Joy coming down the stairs.

"Joy! Where's Cordelia?" Buffy asked.

"Cordelia has a game to think about. She doesn't need losers like you." Joy tried to go.

Buffy blocked her way, pissed that Joy was still upset at her over the tryouts mishap last year. "I'm sorry, what the fuck did you say?"


Buffy ran down the adjoining hall and stopped to look into the girls' locker room. Eric had Cordelia on the floor, trying to tie her hands. Eric saw Buffy and got up to defend himself. Buffy ran in and jump-kicked him, knocking him down.

Buffy crouched down and pulled the bag off Cordelia's head. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, my God, Buffy!" Cordelia exclaimed.

Eric got up and ran away.

Buffy looked at him and then back at Cordelia. "Don't worry, he's gone."

"I was on my way down to the field when Chris came in, and all of a sudden someone jumped me."

"Shh! Quiet down. Relax. Take it easy."

Cordelia heard music and stood up. "That's the fight song. Oh, my God, it's time for the cheerleader pyramid at mid-field. I've gotta go."

"Well, are you sure you're okay to go out there?" Buffy asked her, standing up straight.

"Yeah, you don't understand; I have to go. I'm the apex!" Cordelia ran out of the locker room.

Buffy heard a noise and looked around. "Chris?" She walked slowly. "I know what you're trying to do. You and Eric. I know about the bodies from the cemetery. But you haven't hurt anyone yet."

Chris stepped out into the open.

"Look, I know what it's like to lose someone that you're close to. But that's no excuse. What you're doing is wrong."

"I have to do this for him. He needs someone."

"Who? Eric? He needs industrial strength therapy!"

"He always looked out for me. Stood up for me. He's all alone. Everybody loved him. And now he's all alone."

"Who are you talking...?" Buffy suddenly realized. "Oh, my God!"


Buffy and Chris went into Chris' basement and quickly descended the stairs.

"Daryl! Daryl? Daryl!" Buffy took a quick look around. "He's not here. Where else could he be?"

"But he would never go out. U-Unless..."

"He's gonna pick up where you left off." Buffy made quick strides to get out of the basement and over to the game.


At the game on the school's football field, Cordelia was doing a cheer with the squad: "Go, Razorbacks, go! Go, team, go! Go, Razorbacks, go! Go, team, go!"

On the field, the ball was snapped, thrown, caught, and ran in for a touchdown. The crowd went wild.

Jenny and Giles were leaving the refreshment stand. His arms were full of snacks and drinks.

Jenny looked at him. "I don't know what it is about football that does it for me. I mean...it lacks the - the grace of basketball, the, uh, poetry of baseball. At its best, it's unadorned aggression. It's such a rugged contest."

"Rugged. American football." Giles laughed.

They climbed into the stands.

"And that's funny because?" Jenny asked.

They sat down.

"No!" Giles laughed. "I just think it's rather odd that a nation that prides itself on its virility should feel compelled to strap on forty pounds of protective gear just in order to play rugby."

"Is this your normal strategy for a first date? Dissing my country's national pastime?" Jenny asked.

"Did you just say 'date'?" Giles asked.

"You noticed that, huh?" Jenny asked.

Tara walked over to them. "Hi, Ms. Calendar! Hi, Mr. Giles."

Jenny smiled. "Hey, Tara. What's up?"

Tara sighed. "Eric's was a bust. Nothing there but a bunch of computer equipment and a prodigious pornography collection. Did Buffy get back yet?"

Giles looked at her. "No, uh, no. Uh, perhaps you should, uh, circulate nearer the field; see what you can find."

Tara slipped under the railing and sat in front of Giles and Jenny. The teams were getting in position for the next play. The ball was snapped. A player on the field got tackled but had gained several yards and got high fives from his teammates. Tara was bored.

Cordelia took a break from cheerleading and walked over to the coolers next to the bleachers for a drink. She got out a bottle of Gatorade, opened it, and started drinking. Suddenly, she was grabbed from behind. She screamed, but her yell was drowned out by the crowd cheering another touchdown. The other cheerleaders jumped and waved their pompoms. On the field, the players helped the scoring team member up and patted him on the back.

Buffy and Chris arrived by the bleachers.

"I don't see her. Do you?" Buffy asked Chris.

"No."

Buffy let out a frustrated breath.


Cordelia was taken to the old science lab at the school. She was blindfolded and was being tied to a gurney.

"Please, what's going on?" Cordelia asked. "Just take off the blindfold. I promise I won't scream! I promise!"

"She's beautiful!"

"No! It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding."

There were two of them, but Cordelia couldn't make out who they were.

"Please? Just take off the blindfold! I promise I won't scream! I promise!" Cordelia pleaded.

"Cordelia?"

Her blindfold was taken off. Cordelia saw Daryl Epps - her old, deceased love interest - standing before her. His face was hideous; she thought he looked like Frankenstein's monster. She screamed at the top of her lungs.

Eric was also there. "You can scream all you want. We're in an abandoned building."

Cordelia screamed for help at an even higher pitch.

Eric held up a pan and threatened to hit her with it. "Okay, that's enough."

Cordelia stopped her screaming, and Eric put the pan back down.

"You were always good to me. Always noticed me. But I ignored you. I'm sorry. I'm glad I have a second chance to tell you that."

"D-Daryl?" Cordelia asked in disbelief.

"I was thoughtless. I see that now. But I've changed. I've learned to appreciate how much it meant that you wanted to be with me."

"We're ready."

Cordelia looked at Eric. "Ready? Ready for what?"

"You're gonna feel a little pinch, maybe some discomfort around the neck area. But don't worry. When you wake up, you'll have the body of a seventeen-year-old. In fact, you'll have the body of several."

Eric lifted the sheet, and Cordelia let out a very intense scream when she saw the body.


Back at the game, Buffy walked over to the cooler and found Cordelia's pompoms. "He was here, Chris. Where did he take her?"

"To the rest of the body. To the lab."

"Where is that?"

"I promised him that I-"

"Look, he'll kill Cordelia!" Buffy yelled at him. "You can't just give and take lives like that. It's not your job."

"He's in the old science lab. Everything's set up there."

"Thank you. Now, find Tara and tell her what's going on." Buffy left quickly for the lab.

Tara was just about to doze off.

"Tara!"

Tara's eyes snapped open. "Whuh?! Huh?!" She saw Chris standing in front of her. "Chris! What's up?"

"Buffy told me to find you. Eric and Daryl have Cordelia. They're in the old science lab. They're about ready to cut her head off. Buffy went on ahead."

"Oh, shit!" Tara stood up. "C'mon! Ms. Calendar! Mr. Giles!" She ran toward the lab.


In the lab, Eric was pouring gasoline into a sink.

Cordelia was frightened. "Daryl, please. You don't have to do this."

"We have to. So we can be together."

"We'll be together, anyway! I'll be with you, I promise!" Cordelia lied.

"Is that right?"

"Mmm-hmm!"

"You see anything you like?" Daryl went over to the other body and lifted the sheet. "And when you're finished, you won't go out. You won't run away. But we can hide together."

Cordelia was very frightened. "Please! Please!"

Eric held a knife into a flame a moment and then came over to her. "Sterile enough for government work." He bent over Cordelia to begin the procedure.

"No! No, please!" Cordelia begged.

There was a loud pounding on the door. It was broken open, and Buffy ran in. Eric turned around, saw her, and threw the knife at her. She caught it in midair.

"Buffy, help me!" Cordelia cried.

Eric ran away.

Buffy looked at Daryl. "Daryl, listen. I know what you're doing, okay? Your brother sent me to stop you."

"He wouldn't do that. My brother loves me."

"Buffy, they're crazy!" Cordelia told her.

Buffy looked at her. "It's okay, Cordelia. I'm gonna get you outta here."

"No, I'm not done with her yet!" Daryl turned to the instrument tray and fumbled around for something. "I'm not finished!" He took a cleaver back to Cordelia and tried to start hacking at her neck.

Buffy rushed over, grabbed Daryl's arm, knocked the cleaver away, and punched him in the face. She scrambled around the table to continue the fight, but Daryl punched her hard in the face. He grabbed her, slammed her head into the instrument tray, and threw her over Cordelia and onto the floor.

"I won't live alone!" Daryl yelled.

He pushed Cordelia's gurney aside, and it knocked over the can of gasoline. The gas started pouring out onto the floor.

"I'm getting out of here!" Eric yelled.

Daryl grabbed Eric by the shirt. "You have to help me!"

"Let go!" Eric yelled.

Daryl threw Eric aside and faced Buffy again. Eric slid into a barrel head first. Daryl came at Buffy. She kicked him in the knee, making him collapse to the floor. She kicked him again in the gut as he tried to get up. He tried to get up again, and she kicked him in the face. He was not fazed, got up, and tried to swing at her. She ducked it. He tried again, and she ducked again and kicked him in the chest, sending him staggering backward and knocking the Bunsen burner to the floor, igniting the gasoline.

Tara arrived. "Buffy!"

"Get Cordelia!" Buffy told her.

"Tara!" Cordelia called.

Tara ran over to Cordelia and tried to untie her.

"Get me out of here!" Cordelia begged.

Daryl grabbed hold of Buffy and flipped her over onto the floor. As she got up, he grabbed a canister and threw it at her. She ducked it. The flames around Cordelia and Tara were starting to get higher. Buffy kicked Daryl twice in the side.

"C'mon! C'mon! Get it off!" Cordelia yelled at Tara.

Daryl grabbed Buffy again, lifted her, and held onto her while she struggled to free herself. Tara was getting nowhere with Cordelia's bindings and tried to find a knife.

"Get it off! Get me outta here! C'mon!" Cordelia yelled at her.

"I'm fucking trying!" Tara yelled back in frustration.

Buffy continued to struggle in Daryl's grip. Giles and Jenny arrived. Tara gave up looking and decided to just wheel Cordelia out. Giles spotted Eric, picked him up, and got him out. Tara gave the gurney a good shove and hopped on. They rolled through the flames while Cordelia screamed. Tara hopped off, and Jenny helped her stop the gurney. They got Cordelia loose. Buffy hit Daryl in the neck, and he let go of her. She tried to kick him again, but he grabbed her leg, lifted her up, and threw her to the floor. Buffy was stunned and lay there while Daryl grabbed a desk and raised it over his head.

"Daryl!" Chris yelled.

Daryl looked behind him and saw his brother there.

"Don't!" Chris pleaded.

Daryl looked back at Buffy and then noticed the body surrounded by flames. He tossed the desk aside and rushed over to it. "She's mine!"

"Daryl!" Chris yelled.

Buffy got up and stopped Chris from running into the flames after Daryl.

"Daryl!" Chris yelled.

Jenny watched, stunned as Giles came back into the room behind her and looked on as well.

"No. We'll be together always. No! Mine!" Daryl yelled.

The flames engulfed Daryl and his bride-to-be.


Later, outside, there were fire engines and police cars all over the place. Buffy, Cordelia, and Tara were standing with Chris.

"The first time he woke up after..." Chris paused. "He said I shouldn'ta brought him back. I-I was just...tryin' to look out for him. Like...he woulda done for me."

Angel suddenly arrived. "I saw the fire. I figured you'd be here. Is everyone okay?"

Buffy looked at him. "Yeah. We're okay."

Cordelia threw her arms around Angel and hugged him. He hugged her.

Cordelia looked at Tara. "Tara? I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you, if there was anything that I could ever do to...repay you..."

Angel gave Cordelia a look.

Cordelia realized what she'd just said. "Oh! I don't mean lesbo shit."

Tara smiled. "It's okay. No repayment expected or required."

Cordelia smiled back at her.

Nearby, Giles walked up to Jenny. He handed her a cup of coffee. "Sorry about all this."

Jenny took the cup. "It's okay. Although, a good rule of thumb for a first date is don't do anything so exciting that it'll be hard to top on the second date."

"Believe it or not, since I've moved here to live on top of the Hellmouth, the events of this evening actually qualify as a slow night." Giles paused and considered. "Did you just say 'second date'?"

"You noticed that, huh?" Jenny smiled.

Giles smiled back and took a sip of his coffee.


Later that night, Buffy, Cordelia, and Angel were strolling through the cemetery.

"God, the whole thing was so fucking creepy." Cordelia paused and considered. "Well, at the same time, I mean...he did do it all for his brother."

Angel looked at her. "Sounds like he took it a little over the edge."

"Love makes you do the wacky."

"What?" Angel asked her, confused.

Cordelia smiled. "Crazy shit."

"Oh."

Cordelia was concerned. "Is something wrong? You seem less communicative than usual."

Buffy had stayed out of their conversation, focusing on looking all around for vampires, but she couldn't help interjecting. "That's sayin' somethin'. I fucking swear he used to be a Trappist monk. Yo, Angel, where's the beer?"

Cordelia shot her a look. "Buffy, shut up." She looked at Angel. "Fess up."

Angel was hesitant. "Maybe it bothers me a little that...I can't be there for you 24/7. Other guys get to be in your life. They get to be there when I can't. Take your classes, eat your meals, hear your jokes and complaints. They get to see you in the sunlight."

Cordelia smiled at him. "I don't look that good in direct light."

Buffy's jaw dropped. "Holy shit, Cordelia Chase downplaying her looks. Stop the fucking presses."

They ignored her.

Angel stared into Cordelia's eyes. "It'll be morning soon."

Cordelia stared into Angel's eyes. "I should probably go." She paused. "I could walk you home."

They looked at each other for a moment, and then Angel offered her his hand. Cordelia took hold of Angel's hand, and they interlaced their fingers.

Angel looked at Buffy. "Good night."

Cordelia looked at Buffy. "Yeah, good night."

Buffy smiled. "Good night."

Cordelia and Angel walked off. Buffy watched them go, and then she decided to call it a night and go home.