"Living Conditions"
Based on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Episode "Living Conditions" Written by Marti Noxon and the Angel Episode "Lonely Heart" Written by David Fury
The following story is copyright © 2023 by Mark Moore.
Buffy and Kathy were in their dorm room. Kathy had an ironing board out and was ironing jeans. Buffy was reading a CD jewel case. "Bailamos" by Enrique Iglesias was playing on Kathy's portable stereo.
"Wow, this music is so...so..." Buffy stopped talking, not wishing to offend Kathy.
"I know. This song is super fun. Isn't it?"
"You bet. It just gets funner and funner every time you play it." Buffy set the jewel case down on Kathy's bed and got a jacket from her closet.
"Going out?"
"Yeah. I'm seriously caffeine deprived. Figure I'd head down to The Grotto and get a jolt and, you know, do some slaying."
"Oh. It's late. Won't you be up all night?"
Buffy picked up her backpack. "Comes with the job. I mentioned that, right?"
"I guess I just didn't realize you'd be coming and going at all hours. Well, not that I mind. I'm just surprised."
"I'll be quiet as a mouse, I promise. Okay?" Buffy started toward the door.
"Oh! Say, Buffy, I wanted to show you this little system I implemented." Kathy went over to the night stand separating the beds and got a small notepad and a pen. She brought them back.
"Oh, goody. System."
"Just log every call you make in here, and that way, when the bill comes, it won't be a problem. I figure 'Stitch in time...'"
"'...catches the worm.'"
Kathy cheerfully made a "You got it" gesture.
"You bet. Okay, then." Buffy turned and started to go.
"Also..."
Buffy stopped and turned back.
"I noticed that some of my milk was missing. Did you-"
"Oh! Yeah, actually, I did. I meant to-"
"No! It's totally okay; I was just wondering."
"Yeah, I-I-I was making hot cocoa, and I just-"
"Buffy, it's fine. I just wanted to make sure..."
The song ended, and Kathy went over to the stereo to restart it.
Kathy came back. "...that we didn't have a thief or something."
"Like who?"
"I don't know; it's no big deal. Please, feel free."
"Okay, I'm really sorry. I have to..." Buffy started to go again.
"Have a good time."
"Yeah, you, too. With ironing." Buffy left.
Cordelia walked into the outer office of Angel's new business. "Hello." She walked into Angel's office and saw Angel and Doyle. "They're finally in."
Doyle looked at Angel. "They're in." He went to stand next to Cordelia.
Angel was confused. "Okay...?"
Cordelia smiled and held up a stack of cards. "Your cards."
Doyle nodded. "The cards."
"Your calling cards. We talked about this. To leave with people, so they know how to reach you."
Doyle grinned. "Great idea! Calling cards. It's not like you have a signal folks can shine in the sky whenever they need help, you know?"
Angel took a card from Cordelia. "Hey, look at that; there is our number. It's right next to a...a...um...a...a butterfly?"
Doyle looked at Cordelia's face, then back down at the card that he was holding. "It's obviously not a butterfly, you idiot. It's a...a bird. No, no, wait, it's an owl. A...A bird that hunts at night. Brilliant! It's a...a-"
"It's an angel!" Cordelia yelled in frustration.
"An angel. Right. It's an angel!" Angel exclaimed.
Doyle looked at Cordelia. "Brilliant. So obvious and so clever on so many levels... "
"Oh, shut up!" Cordelia hit Doyle in the chest with the back of her hand.
Doyle doubled over with pain. "Oh, jeez..."
Cordelia was taken aback. "Come on, don't be such a baby. I barely hit you."
Doyle moaned and kicked the desk, then fell back, throwing the cards up in the air.
Angel jumped to grab him. "Hey, hey, hey, Doyle! Are you okay, man?"
"Yeah, I'm okay."
"What did you see? What did you see?"
"It's a bar. Uh, I think I recognize it. It's one of those terminally...stuck-in-the-Eighties places."
"Yeah, and?" Angel asked.
"That's it. No faces popped out at me, man. Just - Just a feelin'."
"What feeling?" Cordelia asked him.
"Something's gonna happen."
Angel stared at him for a moment. "Looks like you got your wish. Looks like we're going out after all."
Buffy and Tara were walking along a wooded path at night; there were trees and bushes all over.
"So you had trouble getting past Kathy?" Tara asked.
"Yep. She made big with the questions. Kathy's nice and all, but she's...she's sort of...I don't know, like, 'mini-mom of Momdonia'."
Tara chuckled.
"Wait." Buffy stopped, looking around. "Did you just hear something?"
Tara paused to listen. "Sorry, no."
They started walking again.
Buffy sighed. "Damn, I could use a little play tonight. Listening to the best of VH-1 all day sort of put me on edge."
"Ugh."
"''Cause it's the funnest!' Well, no big. College is a time of change, right? I bet, before too long, she'll be trip-hoppin' all over the place."
"Yeah! I mean...this whole dorm thing is just an adjustment we need to make, you know? I mean...my roomie is kind of challenging, too."
"And what are we if not women up to a challenge?" Buffy asked.
"Exactly! Well, here's where I get off."
They stopped at a branching path.
Buffy and Tara hugged each other. Buffy kissed Tara passionately on the lips. They made out with each other for a while.
Buffy reluctantly broke the kiss. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Good night."
"Good night. Happy hunting."
"Wish me monsters."
Tara made a face and walked away. Buffy walked on. Walking along a path, she heard a noise.
"Tara?" Buffy paused. "All right, why don't you quit hiding and come out and face me like a...thing?"
Kathy came running up with a bounce in her step. "Hey, I caught you."
"Is everything okay?" Buffy asked her.
"Oh, everything's super. I just decided a decaf latte sounded like heaven after all."
"So you're coming along."
"Why not? This way, you won't have to walk these spooky paths alone." Kathy went on ahead with a skip.
"Great! That's just great." Buffy followed her.
"This is neat, isn't it? The fresh air, the trees, the smell of-"
Buffy heard the growl of something rushing them and pushed Kathy into the bushes, where she landed in the dirt.
A hooded, orange-skinned demon with green glowing eyes ran up and swung a club. Buffy grabbed its arm, broke its hold on the club, and threw it off balance onto the ground. It got up and took two swings, but Buffy blocked them and gave it three quick right punches to the face. The demon tried a roundhouse punch, which Buffy ducked under. She sweeped the demon's legs out from under him, and he rolled over his club, grabbing it. Rolling to his feet, he ran off. Kathy climbed out of the bushes, and Buffy went to help her.
"What the blizzard was that all about?" Kathy asked.
"Demon."
"What were you thinking, taking him on like that?"
Buffy stared at her. "It's my job. What part of this are you not getting?"
"I mean...it's just you could've gotten hurt or something." Kathy looked down. "And look at my sweater; it's ruined!"
Buffy stared daggers at her. "Yeah, sorry about that. Here, we'll go get you cleaned up."
They walked back the way that they came.
Angel, Cordelia, and Doyle walked down the steps leading into a nightclub named D'Oblique.
"Ooh, classy! Okay, now what?" Cordelia asked.
Angel looked at them. "All right. Look, let's split up. Look for someone that might be in trouble."
Doyle looked at them. "Or for something that's about to cause it."
Cordelia handed Angel a couple of his new calling cards, and they split up.
Cordelia walked up to a black guy and handed him a calling card. "Hi! If you're in trouble, just call this number. We can help!" She moved on to a couple sitting at a table and handed a card to the girl. "Hi. Being harassed by someone or something? Just dial us up, day or night." She looked at the guy. "You look troubled. Are you troubled...or is that just your lazy eye? Anyway, call us; we are very discreet." She moved on to the next table. "Hi, how are you?"
Doyle grabbed her and pulled her away from them. "Hey, hey, hey! This isn't a marketing seminar here, princess. You've got to stay a bit more below radar."
"What radar?"
"The police? You know, the service our friend Angel provides...might put some people in mind of the v word."
"Vampire?"
"No, vigilante."
"Yeah, well, vampire vigilantes still have to pay their bills. If we have to rely on you to get one of your visions every time we need a client, we'll be broke in a month."
"You know there are laws against this. You need to chat people up a little more casual-like. You know, hi, what's your name? How's life treatin' ye? What's that, you say? Minions from hell gettin' you down?"
"I'm an actress, a student of the human animal. I don't need to talk to people to know their story." Cordelia turned to point at a guy dancing. "You see jazz hands over there? Mama's boy. Peter Pan complex." She pointed at a short-haired blonde. "Self-absorbed closet dud with a big 'the world owes me' chip on her shoulder." She pointed to a girl with long blonde hair leaving with a dark-haired guy. "Check out Sarah, Plain and Tall. Has or comes from big money."
"How do you know all that?"
"Well, you've got to be rich to snag the Calvin Klein model she's leaving with."
"Yeah, well, they're all riveting insights and such, but we need to find someone that's in trouble."
"How's Angel doing?" Cordelia asked.
Detective Kate Lockley, a young blonde woman with blue eyes, was sitting at the bar with a drink. She saw Angel standing by the bar. A guy punched him in the nose and then walked away from him, shaking his head.
"No, seriously, I wasn't hitting on you!" Angel massaged the bridge of his nose with a sigh and leaned back against the bar.
"Are you okay?" Kate asked him.
"What?"
"No, no, nothing. Sorry."
"No. Am I okay?"
"Well, you just looked...bad. Not that you look bad; you look very nice..." Kate shut up. "I think I'm just going to have my drink."
"Thanks."
"For thinking you look bad or thinking you look good?"
"You choose. I'm Angel."
"I'm...I'm Kate. So do you come here a lot?"
"First time. It's really..."
"Easy? Yeah. I prefer those cool bars that are hard to get into, but I can't get into them. Anyway, this is close to home. So...did you...did you just stop in?"
"I'm sort of looking for someone."
"I'm sorry, if I'm keeping you-"
"No, no, no, I'm just looking for someone to...rescue?" Angel paused. "Are you maybe in need of some...rescuing?"
Kate stared at him in disbelief. "Well, that's the strangest line I'm going to hear tonight."
"No, it's not a line. I'm-"
"Oh, I didn't mean..." Kate paused. "That was harsh."
"No, hey, you know...I'm not very good at this...talking."
"Well, I'm the expert. I'm sure you can see..." Kate paused. "Well, the answer is...no, I don't need rescuing. I gave up on the knight in shining armor concept a while ago. Anyway, I don't expect to find him here at the International House of Posers."
"People can surprise you."
"I sound like a big hypocrite, don't I? Ragging on this place. I still come here most every night. How else are you going to meet somebody outside of work? It's either this or sit at home alone in the dark."
Angel looked at the ceiling. "Hmm. Wouldn't want that."
"So...what do you do?"
"Do?"
"For a living."
"I...uh...well, basically, I...um...I help...I'm a veterinarian."
"Really. Well, I always say a man that loves animals is a man you can trust."
"So you got everyone figured out, huh?" Doyle asked Cordelia.
"Not everyone. I mean you I don't get."
"Me?"
"Yeah, I mean...what's with those vision things of yours?"
"They're messages I get, you know, from the higher powers, whoever they may be. You know, it's my gift!"
"If that was my gift, I'd return it. I mean you get those headaches, and you do this bleh thing with your face."
"What thing with my face?" Doyle asked, downing a drink.
"Plus, your visions are kind of lame. A bar? That's nice and vague! I mean they should send you one of those self-destructing tapes, you know, that come with a dossier?"
"Well, I'm sure to mention it-"
A blond guy came up, holding a calling card. "Hey, you're the one handing out those cards?"
"Do you need help?" Cordelia asked him.
"Well, I was wondering if that is really your number. Do you mind if I ring you up sometime for a date?"
Doyle looked at him. "Yeah, she minds."
Cordelia put a hand on Doyle's chest. "I can handle this, okay?" She looked at the guy. "Yes, I mind. This is a business card. We offer our services to people in need."
"Well, I might be in need of a little service. You charge by the hour?"
"Excuse me?"
"All right. Just everyone relax here a little bit. The lady is with me, all right?" Doyle tried.
Cordelia gave him a sharp look. "No, I'm not."
The blond guy looked at Doyle. "Hey, nobody is talking to you, asswipe."
Kate and Angel were sitting at the bar.
"I guess I just...I just have a hard time, you know...trusting people. Male people particularly. In a place like this, it's not like anyone is just going to come up to you and show you who they really are. Everybody is too busy trying to get...I don't know...whatever it is they're looking for."
"What are you looking for?" Angel asked her.
"Depends on how many daiquiris I've had. Oh, God, way to come off like a drunken slut. Slut's better then a hypocrite, though, right?" Kate took a sip of her daiquiri. "I'm moving up."
"Kind of hard on yourself."
"That's me, a self-flagellating hypocrite-slut. What was your question?" Kate asked him.
"What are you looking for?"
"I guess I'm just trying to make a connection. The more I come to places like this, the harder it gets. What about you?"
Angel sighed. "I honestly don't know. But I'll know it when I see it."
"Would you...?" Kate changed her mind. "I'm sorry. Forget it."
"What?"
"I was just going to ask you...if you would like to go someplace...more quiet." Kate hoped she sounded seductive.
"Um, I can't. I've got to stay here."
"Right."
"I would-"
"No, that's okay."
"Listen, I don't want any trouble, okay?" Doyle asked the blond guy.
A second guy came up. "Hey, what's the trouble?"
"No trouble. Did I not just get through saying that we don't want any trouble? We are trouble-free, okay?" Doyle insisted.
The blond guy looked at his friend. "Turns out she's a hooker, and her pimp here is giving me a hard time."
Cordelia was enraged. "That's it!"
"Down, Cord-"
"Did you hear what that asshole just said about me?" Cordelia asked him.
"Everyone just simmer down here, okay? Violence isn't going to solve a thing here." Doyle stepped forward and head-butted the blond guy. "On the other hand, it is kind of festive."
The three guys started fighting.
"Oh, my fucking God!" Cordelia exclaimed, annoyed.
The bartender, a young black man, came up to break up the fight, and the second guy hit him in the face.
"Oh, my God!" Cordelia considered stepping in and kicking their asses, but then she remembered they were human, and she wasn't sure if she would face any legal consequences for fighting. That was the last thing that she needed at the moment. "God damn it, I wish Faith was here."
Angel came up and grabbed the chair away from the blond guy as he got ready to hit Doyle with it. He used the chair to block the blond guy's punches, then threw him into the wall. Both guys went up against Angel, but he held them off easily. Then he and Doyle threw them into a pile, and the bartender stepped between them.
Cordelia pointed to the two guys. "Those two assholes started it!" She pointed at herself and shook her head. "Me, I did not participate."
The two guys started to protest.
"Not a word. Not a word! Every time with you guys. Out! Come on. Let's go!" the bartender yelled.
As the bartender ushered the two guys out, a starry-eyed woman with long black hair walked up to Angel and Doyle.
"Wow, are you okay?" she asked.
Doyle held the side of his head. "Yeah, I'm fine, thanks."
The girl ignored him and smiled at Angel.
Angel looked around for a moment. "Yeah...uh...I'm...I'm okay. Are you okay?"
The woman walked over to the bar with a smirk. "Well, now. That's for you to find out."
Angel followed her after a moment. "No, I...I mean...I'd really like to know. So how do you want to do this? Twenty questions?"
Kate disappointingly watched Angel talk to the girl.
The woman laughed. "My name's Marcie. I'm from Barstow."
"So...Marcie from Barstow. That doesn't even rhyme or anything."
"It's wild, us meeting over a bar fight. Isn't it great when two people make a connection?" Marcie asked him.
Kate left the club.
Hours later, Cordelia, Angel, and Doyle were sitting around a table, the only patrons left.
"You know, I'm having a hard time believing that Doyle's vision meant I was supposed to come here to break up a bar fight."
"Yeah, well, if it was, I'm in for some serious Worker's Comp."
"All right, think. Could either one of you sense that anyone here tonight needs help?"
Cordelia looked at him. "Yeah, everybody."
"This socializing thing is brutal. I mean...I was young once. I used to go to bars. It wasn't anything like this."
"I used to go to taverns. Small towns, where everybody used to know each other."
Cordelia looked at Doyle. "Yeah, like high school. It was easy to date there. We all had so much in common. Being monster food every other week, for instance."
"Well, you're in the big, bad city now, huh? Where everyone's a stranger, hiding behind walls, keeping secrets."
The bartender came up to the table. "Sorry, folks, got to kick you out now."
"Sure." Cordelia looked at Angel. "I guess the single life's particularly tough on you."
"Why?"
"Well, a couple of hundred years ago, all you had to worry about was a hangover. Today, because of your curse thingy, you can't sleep with anyone, or else you might feel a moment of true happiness, lose your soul, become evil again, and...kill everyone."
"Thanks, Cordelia, I always appreciate your perspective."
"No problem. Hey, the last thing I want is to show up at the office and find that I'm working for a homicidal monster."
The three of them got up and left.
The next day, Buffy entered the computer lab. Jenny was sitting at her desk. Buffy knocked on the door.
Jenny looked at her. "Buffy. Hey."
Buffy walked over to her. "Got a sec?"
"I've got several. What's up?"
Buffy sat down on the edge of Jenny's desk. "Demon. Last night. Made with the pummeling, but he got away."
"What kind of demon?"
"Um, had a cloak on...and glowing green eyes...and skin had a, like, super-bad, fake rub-on tan."
Jenny was confused. "Huh?"
"Orangey?"
"Ah. Anything else?"
"My roommate, Kathy, was there, but she didn't see anything."
"You took your roommate patrolling with you?"
"Well, I invited the whole dorm, but she was the only one that could make it."
Jenny chuckled. "From what you described, I'm not familiar with the creature, but I'll look into it and e-mail you when I've found something."
"Cool." Buffy stayed where she was.
Jenny stared at her for a moment. "Anything else?"
"What are you doing today?"
"Uh, getting ready for class, then teaching class, uh, looking into your demon, more classes, and, uh, go home."
Buffy grinned. "That sounds like fun."
"Fess up, Buffy. What's going on?" Jenny asked her.
"It's no big. I just figured I'd hang here, you know, until my roommate goes to class."
"Ah, I see."
Buffy shrugged. "I know, it's probably just me having a bitch attack. But it's not...me."
"Buffy, living with somebody is never easy."
"I know, Jenny, but..." Buffy paused. "Okay. When she sharpens her pencils, she measures them with a ruler to make sure they're all the same size."
Jenny made a face. "Which is fucking weird, I agree, but everybody has their idiosyncrasies." She paused as she considered Giles'. "All that you can do is learn to tolerate them."
"Okay. You know what? You're right." Buffy stood up. "Take a mental pic; this is the new Buffy. Kinder, gentler...roommate extraordinaire."
At Rocket Cafe, the university dining hall, Buffy got a tray and started back to the end of the line. She noticed Kathy and quickly brought the tray up to hide her face. She ducked into the line in front of a male student.
"Ex-boyfriend? Or loan shark?"
Buffy turned around to face him. "Excuse me?"
"The person you're hiding from."
"Oh. I'm sorry, I just cut you-"
"No, stay. Stay. I'll watch your back."
They got to the self-serve area and started getting their food. Buffy picked up a slice of pepperoni pizza, a cup of green Jell-O, and a carton of chocolate milk.
"Freshman, huh?"
"Is it that obvious?"
"There are signs." He got a single-serving box of cereal and stuffed it into the breast pocket of his shirt. "For instance, people who've been around for a while know how to use their dining hall card."
"It's not for food?"
"Work it right, and you can get three meals' worth, which equals fewer punch cards used annually."
"And more cash from Dad, which you get to keep for yourself."
"Right! The goal is to polish off as much as humanly possible at one sitting. Enough to get you through the rest of the day, if necessary. While chipmunking items for future consumption."
"Ah, got it."
"Excess dry goods fit nicely in a backpack or your pocket." He took something and put it into his pants pocket. "The wetter items - macaronies, your turkey loaf - then you're into Ziplocs. It's not for beginners."
"I'll just take it slow."
They reached the cashier and handed over their cards for punching. Buffy looked over and saw Tara, Amy, and Harmony seated at a table. Amy saw her and waved for her to come over.
"So."
"So...those are my friends and my girlfriend."
He saw the gang at the table. "Oh. Are you...?"
"Gay?" Buffy smiled. "Yeah."
"Oh. Uh, I have someone waiting. Otherwise, I'd...heh, uh..." He walked away.
Buffy went over to the gang's table and sat down.
Tara kissed Buffy on the lips. "Hey."
Buffy smiled. "Hey."
Amy nodded at the guy. "Buffy, that guy that was talking to you? Parker Abrams. Major douchebag."
"Yeah, I kinda figured. Thanks."
"So...what's up? Any vamp action?" Amy asked.
"I did get jumped by a demon of non-specific origin last night."
Kathy came up and set her tray on the table. "Hi, everybody." She got a chair from another table and moved it over. "Squeeze in." She sat down.
"You all know my roomie, Kathy?" Buffy asked.
Tara looked at Kathy. "Hi."
Harmony smiled. "Hi!"
Amy looked at Kathy. "Hey, Kath."
Buffy looked at Kathy in surprise. "Is that my sweater?"
"I didn't think you'd mind. I mean...you got mine all muddy."
"I was saving you from a demon!"
"It's not a problem, is it? I mean...I figured we're almost like sisters now, living together and everything."
Buffy sighed. "No, it's...it's fine. I just wished you'd asked."
"So, where're you from, Kathy?" Harmony asked.
"Nebraska, originally." Kathy picked up a big, sloppy hamburger from her tray and bit into it.
Buffy's senses intensified, focusing in on a blob of ketchup oozing out of the hamburger. She watched it as it dropped onto her sweater. Buffy's eyes narrowed.
That night, at the office, Cordelia was sitting in front of a computer, and Doyle was looking through some newspapers.
Doyle shook his head. "This is completely whacked, man. I don't even know what I'm looking for anymore."
Angel came to stand behind Cordelia. "You're looking for any events in and around that bar."
"Okay, I'm in the newsgroup search engine. Now, what is the name of that place again?" Cordelia asked him.
"D'Oblique. Capital D, apostrophe, o-b-l-i-"
"Not so fast. Okay, Capital D...apostrophe, apostrophe, apostrophe...oh, I got it. Okay. Now, what's after that again?"
Doyle got up and walked up to the keyboard. "You know, I need a break. Let me...uh...let me get in here." He turned the keyboard towards him and started typing really fast.
"How'd you pick up computer skills?" Angel asked him.
"Downloading pictures of naked women?" Cordelia guessed.
"Well, that's more or less accurate. Hello! We've got two hits." Doyle clicked on the first one.
Angel looked. "Look at that. 'Search continues for Heather Nolan, missing since late last month. The 24-year-old paralegal vanished after leaving a downtown bar called D'Oblique.'"
Cordelia looked at him. "Missing girl. That sounds a little more up your alley."
"What's the second one say?" Angel asked Doyle.
"'Badly mutilated body found in the dumpster nearly three weeks ago, described by the coroner's office as eviscerated, has been positively identified as that of 28-year-old Martin Haber, last seen with an unidentified female companion at D'Oblique, a trendy singles establishment.'"
"That's it then. Probably a lot more disappearances that the press hasn't traced back to the bar yet."
"So...we got a missing girl and a stiff."
"An eviscerated stiff. Go downstairs and use the library. Try to narrow down a list of eviscerating demons, ones that might have reasons to prey on young singles." Angel started to walk away.
"Where are you going?" Cordelia asked him.
"To the bar. To see if I can meet a killer."
In her dorm room, Buffy was talking to Tara on the phone. The window at the head of her bed was open.
"I mean...can you believe her? First, she acts like she has sit privileges at my lunch table just because some computer had to make us cellmates." Buffy put a stick of gum in her mouth.
"Yeah, that was bananas."
"And what about my sweater?" Buffy added. "You can't believe the shit that I have to put up with."
"Oh, I can believe it. There's a loud party going on here."
"Yeah, I can hear it. I think she's just coming back from the bathroom. I'll call you back."
Kathy came into the room. "Don't forget to log those calls." She sat on her bed and started flossing her teeth.
Buffy hung up the phone, took an apple out of her backpack, stood up, and took it over to the mini-refrigerator. Buffy opened the fridge and saw Kathy had almost completely filled it, labeling everything with her name, even writing "Kathy" on each of a dozen boiled eggs. Buffy squeezed the apple into the last remaining space on the door, closed it, and turned around to see the window was now closed. She went over and opened it again and sat back down on her bed. Kathy finished flossing and picked up a paperback book from the night stand. There was gum stuck to it, and it stretched up from the table.
"Ewww! Who left their gum here?" Kathy asked.
Buffy hesitated. "Gum gnome?"
"It wasn't me! It had to be somebody, Buffy!"
Buffy swallowed the gum that she had been chewing. "I don't know."
Kathy slammed the book down and turned off the light near her bed. Buffy turned off her own light; lay down, pulling the covers over her; and fell asleep.
Kate was standing in front of D'Oblique.
Angel ran into her. "Oh, excuse me."
"Well, hello."
"Hi...Kate. Uh...I'm glad to see you again."
"Really..."
"Yeah...I owe you an apology...for last night."
"You don't owe me anything."
"No, it was rude."
"Okay, then...maybe you can buy me a drink, and we can start fresh."
"I'm not sure that you should go in there tonight."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not sure it's safe."
"What's not safe?"
"I can't really explain it."
"You know I'm having a problem trusting people...and, surprise, you're not making it any better."
"I'm just asking you not to go in there."
"And where are you going?"
Angel hesitated. "In there."
"Well, I'll tell you what: I can go wherever the fuck I want, and, uh...you can go to Hell." Kate turned and walked into the club.
Kate walked up to the bar and sat down next to a blonde girl talking to a young man.
"The usual?" the bartender asked Kate.
"Yes."
He set a tall glass with a straw in front of her. Angel settled down at the bar, further down. They looked at each other for a moment across the people sitting between them.
Kate turned away, looking at the blonde sitting beside her. "You know, some guys have real problems."
The blonde turned around. "I'm sorry, you were saying?"
"Nothing. It's just my job. It's hard to meet people. Everyone is watching their own back. It's difficult...to know who you can trust."
"Still, I'm surprised. I would think that you would have your pick of girls."
"Yeah?" Kate laughed. "Well, I...I don't know. I was pretty much a spaz in high school. You know, a real 'something is out there' geek, you know, with the gang of geek toy minions. I couldn't get a date to save my life."
"Well, it's a good thing high school's over."
Kate looked at Angel. Angel was sitting at the bar, sipping a Coke. The blonde girl and the guy that she had been talking to got up and left.
A dark-haired guy stepped up to the bar next to Angel and looked at the bartender. "Yo, man, where is Kevin?"
"Hell if I know. Haven't seen him in here tonight. Why?"
"Dude didn't show up for work today. And he's not answering his phone."
"Pretty sure I seen him hook up with some girl last night. He's probably sleeping it off."
"What girl?" Angel asked him.
"Sharon, Sharon. Her name is Sharon. Kind of a regular."
"Sharon? That dowdy chick?" the guy asked. "Aw, Kevin, scraping the bottom of the barrel."
"Look, where can I find Sharon?" Angel asked the bartender.
"She's in here tonight. No Kevin, though. I guess it wasn't true love after all. He looked over. "Uh, she was there just a minute ago, getting it on with some Screech."
The guy nodded. "Yeah, that's definitely more her level."
"Look, any idea where she lives?" Angel asked the bartender.
"No."
"What about a last name?"
"Last name? Not a lot of last names in a place like this."
"It's Reichler."
Angel got up to leave.
The guy looked at the bartender. "All right. I asked her out a couple times."
Angel went to a payphone and opened the phone book. Kate watched him through the window from her seat at the bar as he scanned through the book. He ripped out a page and left. Kate got up and followed him.
At the office, Cordelia and Doyle were sitting together, looking through a bunch of books about demons.
Doyle pointed at the picture of a demon. "Here's another one. Piasca. It's a flesh-eating Indian demon that enters victims through the mouth and eviscerates from within. You're going to put that one down?"
Cordelia wrote it down. "Yeah. Ugh, demons. Is there anything more disgusting?"
Doyle hesitated. "You think so?"
Cordelia looked at him, surprised. "Come on! Okay, look at this one." She pointed at a picture. "This demon wears a wreath of intestines around its head. I mean, honestly, what kind of a statement is this thing trying to make with that?"
"Yeah, you know...I mean...it really depends, doesn't it? I mean some demons could actually be nice...given the opportunity. I think...you'd have to get to know them, yeah?"
"I've met a lot of demons, and, slime aside, not a whole lot going on there."
Kate followed Angel to an apartment building but kept her distance. She watched as Angel burst through an apartment door. Kate drew her pistol, ran into the apartment, and entered the bedroom. The body of a blonde woman was on the bed, looking like a week-old corpse.
Angel got up and turned to face Kate. "Kate, what are you doing here?"
They both looked over at the dead body on the bed.
Angel looked at Kate. "Look, I know what this looks like."
Kate aimed the cocked pistol at his face and pulled out her police badge. "So do I." She put her badge back away. "LAPD. You have the right to-"
"I waive it. How did you find me?"
"I've been tracking you since last night."
"Listen-"
"Don't move! Not a step. Back-up is on the way."
"We're on the same side. I'm after this guy, too."
"You're telling me you're an investigator?"
"More or less."
"Where is your license?"
"That's the less part."
"Right."
"Kate, you don't know; you didn't see-"
"What I see is the carving job of an impotent sicko. It's frustrating, isn't it, not being able to connect, to love like other people? I mean...how do you get them to trust you, Angel? Give them the big dark eyes, the 'I'm not good with talk' speech?"
"He gives them what they are longing for."
"And that is?"
"Hope. That the loneliness is going to end, and he is going to do it again-"
"Unless I let you go, so you can stop him. Save me the lines. I've heard them."
"And I've heard yours. Something about not being able to trust people?"
Kate got out her handcuffs. "Turn around."
Angel turned and put his hand up against the wall with a sigh. She slapped a cuff around his right wrist and pulled his arm down.
"I'm sorry."
"Is that a confession?" Kate asked him.
"I didn't do that. I'm sorry for this!" Angel kicked back, knocked her down, and sprinted for the open window.
Kate got up and shot four times as he dove head-first out the window to land on the hood of a car parked below, setting off its alarm. He rolled off and ran off down the street as Kate watched from the window.
Cordelia and Doyle walked into Cordelia's apartment, carrying stacks of old books. The place was a mess.
Doyle looked around. "Wow, this is...place is..." He paused. "I thought girls are supposed to like pretty things."
Cordelia closed and locked the door. "Ugh. Don't start, okay? Angel told us to meet here, so we're meeting here. That doesn't mean that you can..."
Doyle picked up a bra and held it up to his chest.
Cordelia took it away from him impatiently. "That is so high school! Cordelia wears bras. Oh, she has girlie parts!"
"Take it easy. You're being a tad defensive here. I think it's refreshing seeing a woman living like this. You know, it means you're not so uptight. Means you live for the moment." Doyle stepped into a dirty cereal bowl sitting on the floor as a knock sounded. "You're disgusting."
Cordelia walked over to the door. "Who is it?"
"It's me."
Cordelia undid the chain and opened the door. Angel stood there; he looked a bit beaten up.
"Oh, my God. Are you okay?" Cordelia asked him.
"Look, I-I can't, um-"
"Invite him in!" Doyle told her. "As long as you're alive, vampires, they can't cross the threshold unless you-"
"Oh, right, right. You promise you'll stay good?" Cordelia asked Angel.
"Cordelia."
"I'm kidding. Come in."
He came in, and Cordelia closed and locked the door.
"What happened to you, man?" Doyle asked him. "You look wrecked!"
"That woman that I was talking to at the bar last night, you know, Kate?"
"She's the killer?" Cordelia asked.
"She's a cop. Followed me to another body."
Doyle nodded. "Now, she thinks you're the killer."
"Yeah. So we don't have a lot of time to..." Angel looked around and noticed the state of Cordelia's apartment for the first time. He looked at Cordelia with a grin. "You actually live here?"
"Yes, okay? Is it my fault that maid service was interrupted? It was supposed to go: home, hotel, hotel, husband. Now, can we move on?"
"Yeah, well, we put together that list of eviscerating demons that you asked for. We actually narrowed it down to three or four."
"I saw it. It's a burrower."
"It's a donkey?" Cordelia asked. "Oh, we didn't see any donkey demons."
The guys just looked at her for a moment.
Angel stared at her. "Burrower."
"Oh."
"It eviscerates its victims as it moves from body to body, and it may only be able to do it after some kind of a sex act, exchange-of-fluids kind of thing."
Cordelia was grossed out. "Eww!"
"Lovely."
"Look, I want you to find out anything you can about this thing. Weaknesses especially. It was amazingly strong while we were fighting. It may be hard to kill."
Doyle nodded. "We're on it."
"Good. I'm going to get back to the bar, see if I can find this thing."
"What makes you think that it will show?" Cordelia asked Angel. "It knows that you're after it."
"It'll be out there. It's got to keep trying to make a connection."
"Why?"
"Because that's what lonely people do."
Kate stepped into Angel's office with her gun drawn. Once she realized no one was there, she went into the elevator and took it down to Angel's apartment.
She stepped into Angel's apartment and looked around. She opened Angel's refrigerator and looked into it. It was empty. She closed the refrigerator and looked at the weapons decorating the wall of Angel's place.
Buffy dreamed of a demon very much like the one that she fought, holding her down, pouring blood in her mouth, putting a scorpion on her bare skin, and drawing a light, gossamer substance out of Buffy's mouth and into its own.
Buffy awoke with a start.
Kathy was looking at her from her own bed. "Do you always make that noise when you sleep?"
Cordelia and Doyle had fallen asleep and slumped on the sofa with books piled on their laps. They woke as Angel closed the door.
"Morning."
"Hey, uh...so...any luck yet?" Doyle asked him.
"No, not yet." Angel sat down in a chair. "I know I can recognize this thing if I just saw it in another body."
"That shouldn't be a problem then. That narrows it down to what? Five-million suspects in the naked city?" Doyle asked.
Angel massaged the bridge of his nose. "How about you? Did you find anything?"
"Yeah, we found a name for this burrower guy. Uh, Talamour?" Cordelia recalled. "He's been around forever. A dawn-of-time kind of dude."
"Any weaknesses?" Angel asked.
Doyle shook his head. "Few and far between. This kid is strong, like you said. Not too crazy about fire, though."
"Something we have in common."
Cordelia stretched. "It's a parasite. It moves from body to body. And when it leaves one for the next, not going to gag here, but the first one goes kaplooey pretty fast."
Doyle nodded. "Yep, curdles like cream on a hot day."
Cordelia made a face. "I believe I covered that with non-dairy kaplooey?"
Angel got up from his chair and walked over to the phone. "I'm going to need help to find this thing."
"Well, who're you calling?" Doyle asked him.
"Kate."
"Cagney & Lacey Kate?" Cordelia asked. "I thought we were hiding from her."
"We were. But she's been tracking this thing a lot longer than we have."
At the police station, Kate was sitting at her desk. The phone rang.
Kate picked up the handset. "Lockley."
"It's me. I need you to help me find the killer."
"That's easy. I'm talking to him."
"That would make things nice and clean now, wouldn't it? But it's not true, and I think some part of you knows that. Look, he's still out there. We should be sharing information."
"That's not possible."
"All I need is five minutes. You think I'm your man after that, arrest me. Meet me at the bar at 7:00."
"Sure, that's actually on my to-do list for this week: walk into a serial killer's trap."
"Look, I don't care if you come armed, wired, and covered by sharpshooters. Do whatever it takes, so you feel secure. I can help you, Kate, but you're just going to have to trust me." Angel hung up.
Kate put the handset down and thought about his request.
Later that day, Buffy, Jenny, Tara, and Amy were seated in comfortable, padded chairs in an open-area lounge.
"So then, after the scorpion, the demon opened my mouth and sucked some kind of weird light out of me. A-And the worst part? I wake up, and there's Kathy, staring at me like I'm some kind of freak."
Amy considered. "Well, actually, the worst part, I'd have to go with the demon pouring the blood down your throat."
Tara nodded. "Me, too; I would vote for that, too."
"But that's just a dream, and this Kathy thing is real. All she cared about was that her precious sleep had been disturbed."
Jenny considered. "Maybe it would be more productive to examine your dreams, um, determine their meaning."
"You can read dreams?" Kathy asked. "Neat."
Buffy looked at her in surprise and then gestured. "Jenny, Kathy. Kathy, Jenny."
Jenny looked at Kathy. "Nice to meet you, Kathy."
"Ditto. Maybe you could read the dream I had last night? There was, like, this monster, and he sat on me and did all this stuff to me."
"Stuff like...scorpions? And blood?" Amy asked.
"That's it! How'd you know?"
Amy briefly glanced at Buffy. "Well, I'm a good guesser."
Buffy smiled. "Me, too, and I'm guessing that you need to be on your way to class. Right, Kath?"
"Hmm-hmm, sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
"Hmm-hmm, and guess what? You were next to it."
"You know, I do need to dash. My whole schedule is off, because someone kept me up all night. Well, it's been fun. Toodles." Kathy turned and left.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Toodles."
Jenny looked at Buffy. "You know what this means..."
"Yes. Not only does she take my sweater, but now she has to horn in on my dreams. She is the most ever mooch. Oh, I haven't even gotten to the floss."
"Buffy, focus, please? If Kathy and you are having the same nightmares, chances are something happened to you both when you met the demon in the woods."
Tara looked at Jenny. "So we need to figure out if this ritual they're dreaming about has some special use or meaning."
Buffy got up and gathered her things. "Cool, you guys can do the brain thing. I'm gonna go to class." She left.
Buffy, returning to her dorm room, stopped at the door for a moment when she heard "Bailamos" playing again. She went in and saw Parker half-laying on Kathy's bed and Kathy sitting with him.
"Lots of popular artists don't get their dues. Madonna? Whitney?" Parker brought up.
"That's so totally true."
"Parker?" Buffy asked.
Parker got up and went over to her. "Hey, uh, I just dropped by to say...that."
"Uh-huh..."
Kathy got up and stood close to Parker. "We started talking. He's such a blast, and time just flew."
"Time, really? How much time?" Buffy asked.
"Uh, I'm not sure; we sort of got caught up talking Red Wings. It turns out that Kathy's a closet hockey fan. I think it's the violence."
Kathy laughed. "Quit it! I told you that was just between us."
"It could be the sweaty men."
Kathy laughed and pushed him.
"If you two are going to rassle, do you mind taking it outside? I've got a lot of work to do." Buffy put her things down on her bed and turned off the music.
"Sorry, I didn't realize." Parker started to leave. "Bye, Kathy." He gave her a wave.
Kathy waved back. "Bye, see ya."
Once Parker left, Buffy closed the door and turned to face Kathy.
"It wouldn't have killed you to be nice, you know."
Buffy crossed over to her bed and retrieved a padlock from her bag. "Looked like you were being nice enough for the both of us."
Kathy closed the window. "I wasn't moving in on your territory, if that's what you mean."
Buffy locked the bolt on her closet with the padlock. "It's not. I'm gay, and Parker's a pickup artist. He's developed a reputation around campus."
Kathy was flossing again. Buffy opened the window.
"I'm cold."
"Well, I'm hot. Deal with it."
"Do you know what your problem is, Buffy?"
"You?"
"Hardly. Your problem is you're spoiled. Maybe the world revolved around you where you used to live, but it's share time now."
"Share time, huh? Fine! I'll show you share time." Buffy went to the fridge and got out the carton of milk. She opened it and drank the milk straight from the carton, spilling it all over herself and the floor.
Elsewhere in the building, Tara and Sandy walked along a hall.
"You're worried about her."
Tara nodded. "Yeah, both of them. I mean...what kind of demon runs around putting ookie blood dreams into people's heads? Like some kind of nightmare fairy. It's not right."
Sandy nodded. "Agreed."
"I've got an English paper that I really have to work on, but I was wondering if you could hang with her and watch out for her."
They stopped at the door to Tara's room.
"Sure."
"You're the best. Oh, she's probably patrolling by now. Check around the science center. If you need me, I'll be..." Tara opened the door, heard the sounds of a loud party, and closed it again. "...at the library." She went back the way that they came.
Later, outside, Sandy walked along a well-lighted walkway. She passed a group of three people: two men and a young woman with short blonde hair. Sandy sensed something; she looked back and saw the woman was looking back at her. They looked at each other for a few seconds before they both turned back.
Sandy was walking with Buffy along a path.
"So then Kathy's like 'It's share time.' And I'm like 'Oh, yeah? Share this!'" Buffy punched at the air.
"You hit her?" Sandy asked.
"Well, I didn't, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think?"
Sandy shrugged. "Personally, I'd suck her dry."
Buffy looked at her in surprise.
Sandy smiled. "Kidding. I'm just here to help."
"Which I appreciate. But you've never come on routine patrol with me before, Sandy. So...what's the deal?"
"Seemed more interesting than homework."
"As long as it's an elective. I can handle myself alone, you know."
Sandy felt a bit offended. "Noted."
"Good. So then I go into the refrigerator, right? And the label queen has managed to put-"
"Just a - Just a thought, Buffy, but do you think all this ranting is scaring away potential demons?" Sandy suggested.
They stopped walking.
"You're right. Ooh! She's even affecting my work now. She's the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer." Buffy brought her foot up, around, and down onto a bench, breaking it in two. "She's...other really bad things. Something has to be done." She walked away, determined.
Sandy paused for a moment. "Agreed." She followed her.
Kate was sitting nervously at a table in the club.
The bartender came up to her. "Kate. The usual?"
Kate pulled out her badge and showed it to him.
"That's not your usual."
"Every now and then, I'm in the mood for something different. Look, you remember that guy that was in here two nights ago? He was tall, nice-looking, helped you out in the bar fight?"
"Sure, sure."
"Let me know as soon as he comes in, okay?"
"Yeah, you bet." He walked off.
"Thanks."
A guy came over to Kate's table. "God, I hate places like this, don't you?"
"I do, but...um..."
The guy sat down. "I kind of guessed that. You really don't look like you are in your element here. Which is a compliment, by the way."
"Thanks. Um, look, I'd really love to chat, but actually I'm waiting for someone."
The bartender walked by. "That guy you're looking for? I think he's out in the alley."
"What is he doing there?" Kate asked him.
"I was just taking out some trash, and there he was. Looked like he was ready to rabbit."
Kate got up. "Show me." She looked at the guy sitting at the table. "Sorry, I guess you have to keep trolling."
She followed the bartender to the back room. She drew her gun and opened the door leading out of the back of the club. Kate and the bartender stepped through.
Kate pulled out a card and handed it back to the bartender without looking at him. "Call this number; tell the sergeant that I need back...aahh!" She felt a blow to the back of her head and dropped to the ground, unconscious.
"Kate! Kate? Can you move?" Angel asked.
Kate slowly opened her eyes.
"Move!" Angel yelled.
He pulled Kate out of the way just as the bartender slammed a keg down on them. He kicked the bartender and slammed his fist into his stomach. Angel stared at the flap of skin hanging loose from his forehead. "I guess you're done with that body."
The bartender slammed Angel face-first into the fence.
"You stop being a guy. You don't get to finish; you just come apart at the seams." Angel slammed his head back in the bartender's face, then held on to the fence and swung up his legs and wrapped them around the bartender's neck.
Kate stared as he twisted his body, throwing the bartender to the floor. Getting up between Angel's legs, the bartender lifted him up and slammed him into the wall, then tossed him through the door into a storage room. Angel caught the door frame to keep from falling backwards down the stairs behind him, but the bartender threw Kate into him. They tumbled down the stairs, Angel trying to cushion Kate's fall, as the bartender slammed the door shut.
Kate looked at Angel. "We can't let him get away."
"He's not going to leave. He's going to kill again, now."
"You think so?"
"He has to."
Angel climbed up the stairs and threw himself against the door repeatedly. It didn't budge.
Angel walked back down, helped Kate back to her feet at the bottom of the steps, and looked around the room.
"Now what?" Kate asked.
Angel looked at a row of windows just under the ceiling. "We are going out that window."
"It's almost thirty feet up."
Angel reached into his back pocket and pulled out a grappling gun. He aimed it at a angled support beam next to the window. He triggered the release, and the hook shot up and wrapped itself around the beam.
"Who are you?" Kate asked.
Angel gave the rope a good pull, and the beam came crashing down. They looked at each other, then Kate bent down and pulled a hold-out gun out of her boot. She shot the lock of the door, and they hurried out.
Kate and Angel hurried through the club and ran outside. They split up.
Kate searched for a while and eventually found the bartender in an alley. The bartender and an overturned burning barrel were on fire. Now a living torch, he stumbled towards an Angel that was desperately trying to move but was too beat to more than watch him coming. Kate shot the bartender repeatedly in the chest. The burning bartender stumbled back and fell to the ground. Angel saw Kate and allowed himself to collapse.
A fire truck, an ambulance, and a police car soon arrived and parked at the mouth of the alley. Paramedics collected the bartender's body and wheeled the gurney with a body bag over to the ambulance. Kate turned away from talking to a detective as Angel walked up to her.
"It all seems to add up. The bartender was connected to everyone. I must have talked to him a dozen times. I never had a clue."
"It's hard to get to know people."
"Yes it is." Kate paused. "I didn't thank you...for saving my life."
"I think saving mine is a start."
"I think you should know I searched your place...illegally, no warrant."
"Why are you telling me?"
"I don't know. I guess so we can start fresh. No secrets." Kate paused. "Some pretty weird shit for a veterinarian."
Angel looked down with a half-smile, then dug into his pocket and pulled out one of his calling cards. He handed her the card. "Look, if you ever need me, or if I can help you in any way..."
Kate took the card and looked at it. "What is this, a lobster?"
Angel took it back from her. "Uh...I'll be around."
"Detective Lockley, can I talk to you for a minute?" Kate's superior asked.
Kate turned to him for a moment. "Yes, sir." When she turned back, Angel was nowhere to be seen. She turned back to her superior after some looking around. "What's up?"
Back at the office, Angel was pacing. "I know you guys have been working hard. I mean...you've been cooped up inside a lot. And to show my appreciation, I was thinking...the night being, you know, young and all...that the three of us...could...well, should...you know, maybe...go out...you know, for fun."
Cordelia shrugged. "Or we can go home."
Doyle nodded. "And you can sit in the dark alone."
They got up and started to leave.
Angel breathed a sigh of relief. "God, yes! Thank you." He went to sit down at his desk.
Cordelia turned the light off as she and Doyle walked out the door.
Back in her dorm room, Buffy was at her desk, studying. She looked over at Kathy, who was on her bed, clipping her toenails. Her senses intensified, and she heard every nail being clipped loudly and focused on every clipping flying through the air and onto the floor. She started tapping her pencil on her open book. Kathy got up, went over to her stereo, and started playing "Bailamos" again. Buffy tapped harder until she broke the pencil. She put on earmuffs, and it cut the volume of the music down a little. Kathy went to the fridge and got out a boiled egg. She took it to her desk and started rolling it on the desktop to break the shell. Buffy's senses intensified, and she focused in on the shell, with "Kathy" written on it, cracking. She watched Kathy peel the broken shell from the egg.
Buffy took off the earmuffs and threw them onto the desk. "I'm going to bed." She stood up, walked over, got in her bed, turned out the light, and closed her eyes.
Buffy dreamed of the demon again. This time, it was painting symbols on her belly before drawing the light, gossamer substance out of her mouth and into its own. The scorpion was on her bare skin again.
Buffy awakened to daylight with a start.
Over in her own bed, Kathy moaned and opened her eyes suddenly. "Oh, jeez."
Later that day, Kathy was talking to Tara in a hallway.
"I do what I can, but Buffy's difficult. She's disgusting, for one thing; she leaves her gum all over the place. She comes in at all hours of the night."
Tara was upset. "I-It sounds like things are rough, but don't you want to be talking to Buffy about this?"
Buffy entered the hallway at one end and saw Kathy and Tara. She stopped.
"I would, but she is so touchy about all kinds of weird stuff. I mean sometimes I get the feeling that she is not quite normal. You know?"
Buffy stared intently at them.
"Well, normal is relative. Right?" Tara asked. "I mean she is the Slayer."
They both looked over and saw Buffy.
Kathy looked at Tara. "Later, okay?" She left.
Buffy walked up beside Tara and turned suddenly, facing her. "Why were you talking to her?"
Tara drew back a bit, surprised. "Buffy, w-we were only just saying hi."
"Yeah, that's what she wants you to think."
Tara hated being forceful with Buffy but felt she had to in this instance. "Buffy, this has to stop. I mean I-I get it; I have a shitty roomie, too. But you just have to deal."
"You're right, I've been thinking a lot about this, and it's clear to me now."
"Good, that's better."
"Kathy's evil. I'm an evil fighter. It's simple. I'm gonna have to kill her."
Tara was stunned. "You have to kill her? Don't you think you could just switch rooms or something?"
"Well, I would, but it's not just me in danger from Kathy. Look." Buffy opened the bottom pocket of her backpack and took out a plastic baggie containing toenail clippings.
Tara was disgusted. "Toenails?"
"Evil toenails. I took them off the floor last night when she was in the bathroom. She thought I was asleep. I measured them before I fell asleep and again this morning, and they grew - after they were cut! That's a demon thing; she has to be eliminated."
Tara tried to process this. "Okay. But you better show them to Jenny before you do anything...just to be sure."
"Absolutely. I don't want to do anything crazy."
"Uh, you hurry on to Jenny. I'll hang here and - and keep an eye on Kathy."
"Great. Good. Thanks, babe." Buffy kissed Tara on the lips and left.
Tara went to a nearby payphone and called the computer lab.
Buffy walked into the computer lab. No one was there.
"Jenny? Hello?" Buffy called.
Jenny walked out of the storage room, carrying a textbook. "Buffy, hey." She walked over to her desk and set the book down. She sat in her chair.
"You busy?" Buffy asked her.
"Not very. I'm designing a program for my next class, and I need to troubleshoot it." Jenny opened the textbook and started flipping through pages. "So...evil toenails, huh?"
Buffy felt betrayed. "Tara called you?"
"Uh-huh."
"That bitch!" Buffy cursed.
Jenny looked at Buffy in surprise and then changed some of her code on the computer. "Come here."
Buffy walked over to Jenny.
"I'm so glad to finally be teaching C after teaching BASIC for so long, but I'm stuck." Jenny tried running it. "C code. C code run. Run, code, run! Run, damn it, run!"
Buffy looked at her. "Are you okay?"
Jenny looked at her. "The question is are you okay? Clearly, something is amiss."
"Yeah, something's amiss here: a Miss Kathy Newman. Jenny, look in this baggie." Buffy held it up. "She has parts that can grow after they're detached."
Jenny took the baggie.
Buffy started pacing. "She irons her jeans. She likes Enrique Iglesias and Mariah Carey and Cher. Stupid, no-talent, man-faced cunt. She's evil. She has to be destroyed."
Jenny held up the baggie. "Cher should be destroyed?"
"Yes, she should, but not for this. I mean Kathy. Lite FM. Love songs. Nothing but love songs."
Amy and Harmony walked by. Amy knocked on the door.
Jenny looked. "Girls, hey. Um, can you stay with Buffy?"
"Why?" Harmony asked.
"Please?" Jenny looked at Buffy. "I know a spell that will make the possessing demon reveal itself, so that we can fight it, but I need to get some supplies from the magic shop." She stood up, picked up her laptop, and left, taking the baggie.
Amy and Harmony walked into the room.
"What was that all about?" Amy asked Buffy.
"Oh, I think she's just concerned I'm gonna go kill my roommate while she's gone."
Amy and Harmony both nodded. "I know the feeling."
Buffy stared at them for a moment and then turned to run. Amy reached out with her mind and hand and psychically held Buffy in place, though her hold was tenuous.
Tara arrived. "Jenny, is Buffy-oh."
Amy looked at Tara. "I could you some help."
Tara reached out with her mind and hand and psychically held Buffy in place. "Sorry, sweetie."
Suddenly, though, Buffy broke free of their psychic hold, and the backlash knocked all three girls to the floor. Buffy took off toward her dorm.
Buffy walked into the dorm room and closed the door. "Kathy."
Kathy was laying on her bed, reading her paperback. "Buffy."
"I think we need to talk, don't you?"
Kathy got up and walked over to her. "Absolutely. Let's talk."
Buffy kicked up a corner of the throw rug. "Oops, look what I did."
Kathy backhanded Buffy across the face. "Huh, look what I did."
They grabbed each other's heads and started struggling. Kathy's human face came off in Buffy's hands, revealing her to be a green-eyed, orange-skinned demon.
Buffy stared at her. "I knew it!"
Kathy rushed her, threw her back, forced her down, and straddled her with a hand around her throat. "Quit it!"
"I knew it! I knew you were one of those demon things."
"Oh, why don't you just shut the fuck up and let me finish my ritual?" Kathy asked her.
"Ritual?" Buffy asked, confused.
In the Magic Box, Jenny was reading from an old book. "'The ritual of Mok'tagar, a race of trans-dimensional demons, involves the forced ingestion of animal blood while the victim slumbers.' Buffy's nightmares..."
"...were real." Buffy stared at Kathy.
"I'm sorry, okay? I left my dimension to go to college, and they sent these guys after me."
"'But while the Mok'tagar can assume many forms and guises, including human, they can always be recognized by others of their kind due to the lack of a soul.'" Jenny looked at the baggie with Kathy's toenail clippings.
"So I'm borrowing yours."
Buffy stared at Kathy in annoyance. "Without even asking."
"Tonight, when they come looking for me, they'll take the one without a soul."
"Well, thank God I won't have to watch you floss anymore."
"And I won't have to live with a slob."
Buffy bit the hand holding her down. Kathy let up enough for Buffy to get leverage and throw her off. She threw Kathy against the bed and kicked her in the midsection. They both gained their feet and faced off. Buffy charged, and Kathy threw her over her back, onto the bed. Buffy bounced off and kicked Kathy once in the face, once in the side. Kathy threw a punch, which Buffy avoided. The Slayer threw a punch, which the demon blocked.
Kathy grabbed Buffy's head and threw her across the room and through Buffy's closet door. "It's share time, Buffy." With a growl, she ran over, grabbed Buffy's feet, and dragged her out of the closet.
"Fine, let's start with my sweater." Buffy had her ketchup-ruined sweater in her hands and wrapped it around Kathy's neck, tightening it.
Kathy grabbed the sweater and ripped it in two.
"Oh!" Buffy exclaimed.
Kathy picked her up and threw her back down onto the floor. When Buffy tried to get up again, she got a kick in the face.
Jenny met up with Tara, Harmony, and Amy in the computer lab.
"You let her get away?!" Jenny asked.
"She's too strong for us!" Tara replied.
"Buffy's got a pretty good lead on us!" Amy added.
In the dorm room, Kathy was hitting Buffy across the face with the telephone handset. "All you had to do was write down your calls!"
"Buffy was right. Kathy's toenails not only keep growing after they've been cut; they actually regenerate after they've been destroyed."
"And that's a demon thing?" Tara asked.
"Yeah. I've looked up all known regenerating demons. Only one species practices the ritual Buffy's been seeing in her sleep. It's used to steal the soul from a human body."
"W-Wait, are you saying that Kathy's been sucking Buffy's soul?" Amy asked Jenny.
"I believe so, yes. Now, I've found a spell that should reverse the soul transfer procedure immediately." Jenny opened an e-mail that she had sent to herself from her laptop while at the Magic Box. "Tara, Amy, and I will perform it at once."
"Leaving me to help Buffy in the flesh." Harmony rushed out.
Jenny began lighting candles. "'Hear me, elders of the upper reaches...elders of the lower reaches...elders of the dry land...elders of the river flats.'"
In the dorm room, Kathy threw Buffy against the demon's desk. Pencils fell to the floor.
"Ah-ha!" Buffy stomped on the pencils, breaking them.
Kathy tried a backhand, which Buffy blocked. Buffy grabbed her head, swung her around, then gave her an uppercut. Kathy was thrown back into her own bookshelves, breaking them and scattering the items stored there. She rushed at Buffy and threw her against the door to the hall. Kathy ran Buffy across the room and into the window on the side of the room. It broke, leaving Buffy lying across the sill. Kathy grabbed her.
Tara looked at the text on Jenny's computer's screen. "'Ancients, I beseech you. The soul, abstracted, let it revert to its true seat.'"
Kathy dragged Buffy up off the window sill. "The window's open. Happy?"
She threw Buffy over her bed, and the Slayer ended up leaning against her own bed.
Kathy jumped on her and tried to force her mouth open. "Open up! Let me finish!" She got Buffy's mouth open.
Amy looked at the text on the screen. "'Let it be finished. Let the unnatural vessel be emptied; let the essence be returned to its original host.'"
Kathy tried to draw out the rest of Buffy's soul, but the reverse happened as Buffy's soul material was returned to her.
Kathy dropped, spent. "How did you do-"
With a flash of light, a vortex briefly appeared, followed by a demon, who materialized inside the room. He was tall and wore a robe. He and Kathy started talking in another language. Buffy didn't understand any of it.
Harmony burst through the door, and the demon turned on her with a roar. She scooted back but stayed in the room. The demon turned back to Kathy and said something to her.
He waved his arm, and a vortex formed in the floor. Buffy saw it and quickly crawled around to the other side of the bed. Kathy screamed as she was sucked in. The demon stepped forward and entered the vortex, too; it sealed, leaving the floor unblemished. Buffy and Harmony stared at each other, speechless.
Later, Tara was moving into the dorm room, her stuff in boxes around the room. However, Tara herself was currently naked, as was Buffy, and the two of them were having a sixty-nine on their bed, Tara on top.
Buffy gently licked Tara's pussy. "At last, everything is as it should be. I'm so glad you're here, Tara. I can already feel all that bad Kathy karma just draining away."
Tara gently licked Buffy's pussy. "It's a shame that there's a perfectly good bed here that's gonna go unused. Do you think we should ask Amy to move in? I bet she'd like it. Her roommate's pretty shitty, too."
"Well..." Buffy started kissing Tara's pussy. "...if we're all...comfortable with the arrangement, sure."
