"Well, I'll be…Maria, we're witnessing a fuckin' miracle!" Tommy's proclamation startles the boy cleaning the nearest stall, but elicits merely an eye roll from his wife. Maria waits patiently by his side, arms crossed and expression apprehensive as we bring the horses to a halt inside the main stable and dismount. The afternoon sun bathes the town in a warm, golden light, jagged shadows from the skyline painted across the ground. The area is bustling with people working on afternoon assignments, socializing as they shovel hay, clean stalls, and feed the livestock being led between pens.

"Pretty convenient timing that you just happen to be in the stables the moment we get back into town." I observe. Tommy seems to miss the skeptical look Joel and I quickly exchange before beginning to unload our packs. For a moment, I forget the limitation of my injured arm and involuntarily wince as the strap goes past my elbow and rests on my shoulder. Thankfully this seems to go unnoticed.

"They spotted you coming from the watchtower," Maria explains. "He practically re-sprained his ankle trying to run over here when we heard."

It is not that surprising that they would be waiting on our return. I have no doubt that the entire town has noticed our absence over the past week and started spinning their own stories. Only Ellie was made aware of our departure, leaving Tommy and Maria to explain the trip to everyone else along with managing their own surprise. When I told Maria that I had agreed to go, she stared at me in disbelief for a solid minute without speaking, like I was playing some kind of cruel prank solely to get a reaction.

"It was worth it," Tommy shrugs, leaning against the nearest stall, likely to relieve the pressure on his ankle. "I wasn't gonna believe they made it back alive and in one piece until I saw it with my own eyes."

"Well…" My eyes wander over to Joel, who simply smirks but does not make eye contact as he continues unloading his things. I turn and reveal the bandage on my arm. They might as well find out on my own terms. "Not so sure about the 'in one piece' part, but we're definitely alive,"

"What the hell happened?!" Maria's tone changes immediately, becoming defensive as she carefully takes my arm in her hands and examines the bandaged wound. She's going to insist I have it looked at further, even though I am confident it is healing just fine. The lingering aches and pains are to be expected considering my arm was quite literally sliced open and stitched back together.

"She fought a bear," Joel chimes in, shaking his head for dramatic effect. "Saw 'em ahead of us on the trail and was just sure she could take it. Ran straight toward the damn thing."

"Oh, fuck off!" Tommy does not buy the story for a second, torn between amusement and frustration at the lie. "What actually happened?"

"You don't think I could fight a bear?" I attempt my best mock insulted tone while my arm is still being inspected.

"No, we don't," Maria answers for him, clearly not wanting to play along with the bit. "What actually happened? How badly are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, Maria. I fell at the museum and cut my arm, but it's not a big deal. Joel made sure it was cleaned and stitched it up, so it's taken care of. It was all before we headed back, so it's been like almost four days now and I'm fine."

"You fell?" The look on Tommy's face is skeptical, walking over carefully to join her in assessing my arm. "Must have fallen pretty damn hard if you needed stitches."

"It was pretty hard, okay? We came across a runner - just one guy on his own - and I got knocked over. It sounds a lot worse than it is, I promise…" Maybe I should have just kept my arm covered and not told them, because I knew to expect an overreaction. It might have been better to let them find out once we were settled back in and rested.

"She's got a concussion,"

I immediately regret whipping my head around to glare at Joel, but it happens almost involuntarily due to my surprise. Sharp pains shoot up through my neck and into my head, fueling the constant ache that has not calmed during our journey home. He evidently feels no regret over this disclosure and stands confidently waiting for a response, his pack thrown over his shoulder and arms crossed at his chest.

Not long after we fell asleep on that night when I shared my story, I was woken up by an immense wave of nausea and immediately threw up. Originally I attributed my headache to exhaustion and stiff muscles from the fall, but it became more and more evident that there was more at play. The runner had attacked me so unexpectedly and in such a rush that I did not realize the true severity of the impact my head made with the concrete landing.

"You fucking snitch…" I hiss through clenched teeth. I want to shake my head in his direction but my neck is stiff and the throbbing behind my eyes is starting to return, forcing me to close them for a moment, which does not help my case. If they were so concerned about a simple cut on my arm, then a concussion will be even worse.

"You're going to see Robin," Maria lowers her voice slightly, releasing my arm but giving me a stern look. "Before you go anywhere else. Stitches and a concussion…"

"I've been in worse shape than this before! All I need is a shower and a night in my own bed and I'll be good as new."

"You're going to see Robin," Maria repeats. "I'm taking you myself. Tommy and Joel can get your stuff. How bad has she been?"

It takes a moment for me to realize she is speaking to Joel and has given up on getting any kind of accurate information out of me. This could work in my favor though - we just spent three days riding back together, so he has seen that my symptoms have not gotten any worse. He has seen me handle my horse and set up a tent and follow his directions with clarity while we rode. If anyone can vouch for my recovery, it's him.

"She's not wrong about having been worse," If he's trying to get back on my good side, it will take more than backing up my jokes. "But I'd feel better if she wasn't alone. We've been ridin' for three days and even though it wasn't a tough ride, it ain't exactly the most ideal way to recover from that kind of injury."

I don't love that they are discussing me as though I am not standing right here in the room, but I also, unfortunately, cannot argue with his logic. The journey back was remarkably less eventful than our departure, but the repetitive bobbing while traveling on horseback and the long hours of riding had not allowed my body much rest. Joel was surprisingly attentive once the symptoms of my concussion were so blatant. He never complained when I needed to stop or slow down, adding some additional time to our travel. We likely would have made it back to Jackson half a day earlier if we had traveled at a steadier pace. Maybe that's why I decide not to speak up for myself, because I know in the end that they are probably right.

"Well, this'll be just like old times!" Tommy chuckles, gesturing for my pack, which I hesitantly slide from my shoulder. "We probably need to clean the room up a bit, but the bed is still the same as before."

"She's staying with y'all?" Joel directs his question toward Tommy but for once he is looking straight at me. Maybe it's the concussion messing with me, but it almost seems like there is some hesitation in his voice.

"You got a better suggestion?" Tommy adjusts my pack and pauses before heading for the door, where Maria is quietly waiting for both of us to follow.

For a moment, I am back by the fire after he stitched up my arm. He maintains eye contact with me as though he is trying to read my mind, but I cannot decipher the message, no matter how hard I try. I'm not sure what the hesitation toward this situation could be, if I am being honest. As much as I'd prefer to be in my own bed, there is a small part of me that worries about being alone for the first time since the fall. It seems only natural that Tommy and Maria would be the ones to take me in, considering our history.

"No, no…" Joel shakes his head, eyes darting from mine abruptly as he starts moving for the door himself. "Just makin' sure we had a plan. Makes sense she'd stay with y'all…"

"Just a reminder that I am still standing right here and capable of making decisions for myself," I joke, swaying from heel to heel to ease the unexpected discomfort this conversation is causing.

"We know you are," Tommy gently places a hand on my back, cautious as though the slightest touch may cause me to break. "If you feel alright staying alone, we ain't gonna stop you. Are we, Maria?"

"Is there somewhere else you'd rather stay?" Maria asks, one brow raised inquisitively. Joel pauses by the door, turning back slightly to hear my response as the group waits. I look quickly between all three of them, uncomfortable with the way they watch me calculate this decision I did not expect to make. Where else would I stay if not at my house? Joel maintains the same expression as before when our eyes meet, but I can only return a blank stare as my mind struggles to catch up with them all.

The realization hits me all too late. Man, this concussion must be really worse than I thought because clearly I am the last one to catch onto what is blatantly being implied - they are asking if I would prefer staying with Joel.

"No!" The response leaves my mouth with more intensity than intended, my tone inaccurately leaning toward disgust instead of surprise, "I'm happy to stay with you all. I just really would like to take a bath and lay down for a long, long time."

"Let's go then," Maria nods, content with my answer. "I still would like for Robin to take a look at you though."

Joel is the first one out the door, and he leaves without any parting words.

–-

Staying at the Millers' house is like taking a step back in time, returning to my first few months in Jackson while my shoulder healed and the reality of my situation sank in.

Maria fills a tub full of hot water and sets out a clean towel, fresh clothes, and a new bar of soap. I waste no time scrubbing away the layers of dirt and sweat that stream water alone could barely touch over the past week. This still takes longer than usual considering my limitations and working one handed to keep my arm from being submerged. But I am not going to complain because the warm water engulfing my worn muscles can only be described as euphoric relief. The real challenge proves to be washing my hair, since holding my arm up for that long is nearly impossible without immense pain. When it becomes all too evident that I am struggling, I allow Maria to help as I sink as far beneath the water as I can manage. She cleans my hair with efficiency and leaves so I can dry off and get myself into the bed I have been desperate for since our return.

The full intensity of my exhaustion hits once I am finally able to lay down. After a week of camping in the same grimy clothes and sleeping on rough ground, being clean and resting on a real mattress is a dream. Any opposition I may have had to staying with someone instead of returning home has left, but my thoughts wander back to the stable and the implication from everyone that staying with Joel was a viable option. Well, from Tommy and Maria at least. Surely they didn't think that was something either of us would actually accept? The idea is absurd. Although he did seem to hesitate for the slightest moment before taking off without any goodbye…

There is a difference between camping alongside someone for a week and asking them to take care of you during their everyday life. Not that I need to be taken care of, but I have clearly needed assistance with something as basic as bathing myself. Joel may have kept us on course and set up camp and bandaged my wounds while out on our trip, but he wouldn't have realized that washing my hair may prove difficult and come to help.

I close my eyes and push a soft breath out through my nose, the idea of Joel helping wash my hair instead of Maria bringing a moment of ludicrous amusement. Where she is practical and precise, Joel is surprisingly nurturing and nuanced. I would absolutely never have said that before our trip, but after the way he took such care with stitching my wound and managing my pain, my perspective took a massive turn. Would he have put that same care into something as simple as washing my hair? I can imagine how his calloused fingers that felt so rough against my arm would feel working the shampoo into my scalp, how his grip would be just as firm yet careful, attentive to my injuries as his hands move across my scalp down to my neck, massaging the tight muscles that are so desperate for relief…

No, no, no. My eyes snap open and I lay frozen in place, horrified by the way I have let my mind begin to wander and how the slightest jittery sensation begins rising from within me. I have never been happier to hear someone knock on the door. As Maria returns to the room with Robin close behind, I slowly push myself into a sitting position on the bed.

"Did we wake you?" Robin asks quietly, setting her bag on the side table and taking a seat on the stool Maria placed near the bed. Her deep black hair has become streaked with gray over time and she keeps it pulled neatly into a bun at the base of her neck. Fine lines branch from the corners of her eyes and mouth, like threads adorning her aging skin.

Robin, her husband, and their son Jesse have been in Jackson as long as I have and it did not take long for her to become established as a reliable medical provider. She worked as a nurse practitioner prior to the Outbreak and has used her skills tirelessly throughout the years. As our population has grown, she has helped train and oversee others who assist her with the community's ailments.

"No, I wasn't sleeping yet," I assure them, running my hand through my damp hair. "I'm sorry you have to come out to do this. I told Maria I'm fine…"

"You have seven stitches in your arm and a concussion," I'm not sure if Maria states this as a reminder to me or for Robin's knowledge.

"It's no worry, dear. Let me have a look," Robin waits patiently as I carefully remove my arm from the sleeve and shift so the wound is in clear view. She removes the bandage and takes my arm in her petite hands, examining it through focused eyes. Maria watches silently while standing a few feet behind. As she works through the exam, I recount the story from beginning to end, from the runner knocking me down all the way to Joel and the stitches and my not-so-flattering moment of vomiting in the middle of the night. I try to recall as many details as possible, but some of it has become murky between the concussion and ever growing exhaustion.

"You're lucky Joel was with you," Robin begins reapplying the clean bandage. "Despite the nature of the cut and the conditions you traveled in, it seems to be healing perfectly. The stitches are precise, and while it will certainly scar, it should be much more minimal than most."

"So everything looks good?" My question is slightly abrupt, but the number of times conversations have turned back to Joel are making me irrationally uncomfortable. It is only a matter of time before the entire town hears about my injuries from the trip, but one can only guess how the details of Joel's involvement will change as they are shared from person to person. I just want to fall into a deep, sound sleep without any disruptions.

"Continue to clean it and change the bandage, and the stitches can be removed in a few days," She confirms. "For the concussion, plenty of rest. I would advise taking it very easy for the next week and slowly easing back into your assignments. I know that is much easier said than done, but I would feel better if you did not return to any gardening or manual labor until you've had more time to heal."

"Bonnie has been overseeing while she was gone, so she can continue for a little while longer," Maria probably made this decision before Robin showed up, but now feels justified in making the call. "Tommy and I are happy for you to stay with us as long as you need."

"Right now, I just want to sleep and I'll think about the rest tomorrow," Seeing that Robin is standing to leave, I lay back down and begin caccooning myself in the blankets and sheets. "Bonnie is very capable…"

"Of course. Get some sleep," Maria begins walking toward the door with Robin. "We'll handle everything else tomorrow,"

As I drift off to sleep at long last, all thoughts of assignments and rumors and Joel's hands in my hair blissfully fade away.

-

Just because I have been called off my assignments for the next week does not mean I cannot go see how things have been in my absence. They can ban me from lifting a shovel, but not from being outside - I'm injured, not imprisoned.

At first, everyone is working so attentively that no one recognizes my arrival at the greenhouses. The summer crops are ready for harvest and the ample work keeps them focused, with the younger ones assigned likely working twice as fast to get their job done as quickly as possible. Baskets of bright vegetables, vibrant greens, and ripe berries move from each greenhouse to the sorting stations with ease, each person moving with intention. Watching even for a moment, it is clear that Bonnie runs a tight operation and I have nothing to fret from my time away.

I severely underestimate the physical impact an actual bath and full night of rest would have on my body. By the time I found the willpower to get up from the bed and get ready for the day, it was easily nearing noon. By now, the rotation should be nearing a change as the afternoon hours draw close. As I weave my way between the greenhouses, the sounds of happily clucking chickens grow louder than ever before. The new coop must be near full by this point and I wonder how long it will be before we have to consider adding another.

"She's alive!" An all too familiar, booming voice announces my arrival and startles the chickens, causing their cacophony to build in momentum. Eugene's face is streaked with dirt and hay, worn work gloves tossed over his shoulder and a large bucket at his feet. "We figured you might have finally lost it and made a run for it, disappearing for a whole week like that."

"Who says I didn't?" I stop just short of the coop, careful not to step in the pile of old hay and dirt he's tossed. The canvas sneakers Maria laid out for me are hardly the sturdy work boots I'd wear for this work and I am not about to mess them up by tromping around through chicken poop.

"Well, depends on who you ask," He laughs, placing his hands on his hips and ignoring the loose curl that sticks to his brow. "Ya ain't been back even a whole day and I've already heard ten different tales about why you've been missing…"

I knew to expect rumors, but even for Jackson this is fast. I figured that Tommy and Maria would have at least provided a little context about the trip when we left, especially to those left to cover our assignments.

"And what's the best one you've heard so far?" I attempt to joke, but my anxiety is already beginning to rise and I catch myself nervously looking over my shoulder in the direction of Joel's house. The curtains are drawn in the windows I am able to see above the fence line, but it's too bright outside to tell if any lights are on. He came back without major injuries, so it is unlikely he was reprieved of any awaiting responsibilities today…

"That you took Joel out in the woods so no one would hear his screams when you killed him," He deadpans, watching my face intently for a reaction.

"No one said that!" I immediately call his bluff and he bursts into laughter, one of the gloves dropping from his shoulder.

"Nah, you're right. But that's been my personal theory. Why else would you have gone away for a week just the two of you? Thought maybe you'd lost some bet with Tommy or something…"

Great, so they genuinely didn't provide any kind of story. They must have just said that Joel and I were both gone for a week and put Bonnie in charge of my work. If Eugene isn't privy to the real information, then no one must have been, because the man has a way of finding out everything. Before I can answer, a basket drops firmly at my feet. A tomato rolls over the rim and tumbles toward the coop, sending the chickens into a frenzy near the wire perimeter.

"Watch how you drop that basket, kid," Eugene picks up the stray tomato and tosses it over the wire for the chickens to attack. "As much as I love spoilin' the girls, we can't go giving up too many,"

"I just set it down," Ellie turns to me and ignores any further response he may have. "I've been looking for you everywhere!"

"I haven't even been back a full day! What's going on?" The intensity of her greeting takes me off guard.

"Where the fuck did you guys go?" She shakes her head in exasperation. Surely Joel didn't leave without telling her? There is no way he would do that. "All Joel would tell me is that he was going to be gone for about a week and you were going since Tommy busted his ankle, but literally nothing else!"

"I can't tell you," I shrug, knowing my secrecy is only going to frustrate her further. "You'll find out soon though -"

"Oh, trust me, I know," She rolls her eyes as she cuts me off. "Joel was being so fucking smug about it this morning. He says he's taking me camping next week for my birthday and that he's got some surprise planned that I will really love. But he won't give me any ideas about what it is!"

I can imagine the smirk on his face as she tried to guess the location and how amused he would have been knowing she would never guess. A big conversation on our journey back was how much Ellie will love the museum and beginning to figure out some of the finer details of the surprise. I think Joel worried that my concussion would impact my memory, because he made me swear at least five separate times that I wouldn't ruin the surprise for her in any way, shape or form.

"He's right - you will really, really love it. But that's also why I can't tell you anything else about it. The surprise is half the fun!"

"C'mon, don't be so fucking lame!" She groans, head tilting back dramatically. "This is a perfect situation for you! You can help me out by telling me what I want to know AND annoy Joel by spoiling the surprise! Why deny yourself that kind of happiness?"

"I don't think there's been any denying herself happiness…" Eugene mumbles, eyes cutting over to me from behind Ellie's shoulder. The double entendre is evident, but it does not seem like Ellie actually heard what he said. Instead of engaging with him, I try to let the comment roll off and continue dodging Ellie's attempted interrogation.

"I promised Joel I wouldn't ruin the surprise. I'm sorry, Ellie, I really am. Just trust me when I say you're going to love it and have a really fun trip,"

"Hopefully more fun than you had," She gestures toward the bandage on my arm. Now that I have been able to thoroughly bathe and assess my appearance, I know my arms are marked with bruises and smaller scratches that were overshadowed by the more serious cut. "You look like shit,"

"That's definitely how you want to talk to someone you're hoping to get information out of," I tell her sarcastically. "I have a cut on my arm and a slight concussion, but overall I actually had a very enjoyable time."

"Ellie! Bring those tomatoes over here so we can start sorting them!" Bonnie calls over, waving politely when she sees I've returned. Ellie picks up the basket, nearly losing another tomato in the process, and glares at me through squinted eyes.

"I'll get you to tell me," She nods slowly, beginning to walk away. "We aren't leaving for a few more days, so I have plenty of time to fucking break you."

Eugene waits until she's handed the basket to Bonnie, far enough away to not overhear our conversation. He lowers his voice to what most would consider an appropriate conversational tone and eyes my arm skeptically.

"So what's the real story here, huh?"

"I fell, which I know sounds totally made up, but it's true. A runner caught me off guard and knocked me down, and my arm went down across some rebar." Even though I am telling the complete truth, Eugene looks like he does not believe a word I am saying.

"I'm not talking about your arm," He scoffs. "How were you convinced to go on a week-long trip to some mystery destination with Joel? It ain't really a secret that you hate the man, so what gives?"

"It's not like I was the first choice," My hands go to my waist as my eyes drop slightly. "Tommy was supposed to go with him, but he couldn't once he hurt his ankle and the whole point of the trip was scoping out a place that is supposed to be for Ellie's birthday, so it's time sensitive."

"I understand that much. That part I'm not understandin' is why the substitute for Tommy was you, not another one of the guys or somethin'. I'd have loved a chance to get out and go explore some place."

"I think he's kind of scared of you," It sounds like I'm joking, but there's some truth to the statement.

"Bullshit!" Eugene laughs, shaking his head in disbelief. "That man ain't scared of me."

"You never know. I mean, you know I'm not afraid of you, but you have your moments. Give yourself some credit," This feels like the perfect lull in the conversation to excuse myself, especially before he has a chance to press any further about why I was chosen to go on this trip. I don't have a reason to give him and I don't feel like searching for one either. "I better get out of the way before someone reports back to Maria and says I was trying to work. I just wanted to check in while I was in the area."

"You in trouble for shirking your responsibilities?"

"Not hardly," I shake my head. "Robin doesn't think I should be doing any heavy lifting until I've had more time to heal. So I'm just going to grab some stuff from my house before heading back to Tommy and Maria's."

"Just like the good ol' days," He jokes, placing his hand gently on my shoulder as a subtle hint of compassion comes from his gaze. "I'm just glad you made it back alright, even if you're a little torn up."

"Thanks, Eugene," I pat his hand softly before making my exit. A few people wave as I walk by, but I don't stop to make conversation. The sooner I can get into my house, the better. An increasing sense of discomfort creeps across my body, starting in my gut and slowly leeching its way up through my arms and neck.

Once I am across the street and standing on my front porch, I release a slow sigh and stand completely still, eyes closed as the ground beneath feels as though it is beginning to spin. It would probably be best if I grab the things I came here for and head back to rest sooner rather than later. All I need are a few changes of clothes and my crocheting supplies and I should be good to go. I really just want something to keep me busy over the next week or two until I feel comfortable returning home by myself at night.

I turn the front knob and push the door open, but hesitate slightly before stepping inside. Still gripping the knob, I look back over my shoulder toward Joel's front porch. Just like the windows visible from the garden, the curtains are drawn and there is no sign of movement inside that I can make out from here. He likely headed out early to get a start on whatever assignment was put on him today, so who knows when he will be back.

I shake the thought and bring my attention back to the task at hand, doing my best to ignore the way my stomach continues to twist uncomfortably the longer my thoughts dwell on where he might be at the moment.

—-

The rest of the week rolls by with an unusual monotony. For the first two days, I allow myself to rest far more than I ever would in normal circumstances. Despite my orders to stay off assignments, I still find ways to keep myself busy and feel like I am contributing to the best of my current abilities. Maria does not protest when I offer to run errands for them or pick up ingredients for dinner, so I make this my responsibility as long as I am going to be staying in their home. Finding these smaller tasks to keep me busy helps the first week back move at least a little bit faster than anticipated.

Tommy, Maria, and I fall back into our old ways as though it is the most natural thing in the world. Even after I moved into my own space, we spent many nights just sitting around their living room watching movies, playing games or just talking about anything that came to mind. Staying with them now takes me back to those nights and I find peace in the familiar motions we tend to follow.

Having this time with Tommy and Maria is the perfect distraction from my growing frustration over whatever the hell is going on with Joel. It's not like I expected us to suddenly be each other's closest friend and confidant, but I didn't expect that telling him the entire truth about my past would result in being completely cut out of his life.

Things had gone so smoothly during our days traveling back, so I assumed this new dynamic between us would continue after we got home. Instead of going back to regular evenings of getting beaten at cards on his back porch, the longest interaction we've had is a distant wave across the community center as he passed through during lunch one afternoon. According to Tommy, when his usual assignments have ended, Joel has been volunteering to pick up extras and odd jobs around town. Making up for time away, or so he tells Tommy.

I don't know why his distant demeanor is getting under my skin so damn bad. Honestly, the longer I sit with it, the more I think I am the problem. This man doesn't owe me anything. He quite literally saved my life, not only when he stopped the runner from ripping me to shreds, but also when he kept my wounds from becoming septic. Sure, I decided to share the more intimate details of my past with him, but that pales in comparison. It's not his responsibility to check on me, so I shouldn't be annoyed that we have not spoken since we sent our horses back to the stable.

"You look deep in thought over there," Tommy enters the room with a drink in hand, taking a seat next to Maria on the couch. She places a hand on his knee without ever looking up from her book.

"I'm not happy with how some of these stitches look," I tell him, pursing my lips at the half formed blanket I am attempting to crochet. "But I've already gotten several rows away from them and don't really want to pull them out again,"

"It looks great to me," Tommy sips from his glass and places his hand a top Maria's, thumb rubbing across her knuckles.

"I appreciate that, but you also say that about everything I make," Maria chuckles to herself at my comment, which Tommy merely shrugs off.

"Well, I ain't got the eye for that stuff like you two do, apparently," He sighs, unbothered by our opinion. "How's your head feelin'?"

"Mostly better," I nod, working the final stitches of the row and turning to begin a new one. The wooden hooks that Joel made for me glide through the yarn so much more smoothly than the aged metal ones I used before, which has made this project a lot more enjoyable. "It still hurts sometimes, but I feel like the fogginess is going away, which is nice."

"Good, good…You seem like you feel better. Hopefully Joel and Ellie have a less eventful time on their trip. I'm sure they've settled in for the night by now, so that's one day down."

"They already left?" I keep my gaze focused on the blanket, refusing to look in his direction. I didn't think much of not seeing Ellie around today, but I had just assumed she was just somewhere with her friends, not that they had already taken off. That explains why Joel has been so focused on picking up extra assignments and helping around the community - I can almost guarantee he feels guilty about his frequent absence and wants to make up for it in some way.

"First thing this morning," Maria closes her book with her free hand and sets it on the side table. "I had to make sure the guys at the stable in the morning were prepared for them to take two horses."

"I feel like we just got back, but my sense of time is probably a little off right now," I admit, playing off my rising frustration. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that they left without any goodbyes since he has not spoken to me all week. "Ellie has been trying to get me to ruin the surprise for her. She's going to lose her mind when she actually sees the place,"

"You never did tell us how the museum actually was," Maria realizes. "I assume since they are going back that there was something worth seeing?"

"It was amazing," I'm chewing the inside of my cheek to temper my irritation and taste a hint of blood, but hopefully my tone does not portray that. "Most of the exhibits were still intact and there was a space capsule you can climb inside…She's going to love it."

Ellie had a lot of different guesses about what the surprise could be, but life sized space capsule was never on the list. I wish I could see her face when she slides into that seat and becomes fully immersed in the space around her. It seems like something that would be so simple, so unextraordinary, but to a girl who has spent her entire life only reading about things like space, it will be incredible.

Since they won't be fitting two adults into the capsule, the space inside should feel a lot less cramped for Joel this time around. I still cannot believe I made him get inside with me and did not think about how close together we would be, like how are legs were completely pushed up against each other and how his nose had brushed against mine for that one moment…

"I'm glad it was worth the trip," Maria does not push for details. "If they keep the same pace you all did, they should be back within a week. For now we're giving everyone a tentative date for our next meeting. There's no point until they are officially back."

"I told Joel last night," Tommy confirms, then clarifies for my knowledge. "We've nailed down the details of how these official patrols are going to work, so as soon as Joel gets back, we'll get the group together and start putting it into action."

"That'll be good," I gently fold the incomplete blanket in my lap and place it back into the bag with the skeins of yarn. I knew this day was coming since we voted to bring him onto leadership, but I did not anticipate things being so strange between us when it happened. "I think I'm going to turn in for the night. Robin is supposed to come take my stitches out tomorrow and I'm hoping that means I can get back to work."

"You really don't like sittin' still, do ya?" Tommy laughs, finishing his drink and putting his arm around Maria as I stand to leave.

"I really don't. As much as I have loved having all this extra time with you all, I feel very useless just being here but not doing anything."

I just need to sleep. I'm nervous that Robin will suggest an even longer period of rest and the anxiety is messing with my head. It's easier to redirect my frustration to Joel for ignoring me than it is to acknowledge how helpless I feel with these limitations.

We say our goodnights and I head down the hallway to my room, closing the door gently behind me. The thought of laying so close together in that damn capsule won't leave no matter how I try to push it away. I try my hardest to ignore the way my heart rate is beginning to elevate, but the more I focus on it, the harder and harder it beats.

I have never been more thankful to dig in the dirt.

Robin removed my stitches and cleared me to return to work, but not without some caution as my arm continues to heal. Thankfully, there is plenty of harvesting still to be done and lots to coordinate as we prepare to sow the fall crops.

One of the hardest parts of the week's tasks is learning all the new faces that have started regular garden rotations. Now that the Denver group is fully assimilated, the variation in workers has increased. I am incredibly thankful for the abundance of help, but learning all their names has proven challenging. It is not until a full week of rotations goes by that I have a group of workers that I immediately recognize.

"I didn't see your name on the list today…Did your mom send you to spy on me and make sure I'm not overdoing it?" I give Jesse a skeptical look as the young man checks in for the assignment first thing in the morning. He collects his tools and basket before replying.

"No, I traded with Mike," His explanation is short, but not rude. A group patrol went out at sunrise to cull a horde spotted near the ski resort, so I am surprised Jesse would trade assignments for something slower paced. He signed up for group patrols the moment he was able and has quickly proven to be a skilled patrolman. It won't surprise me at all if he is assigned to a paired patrol once we hold the leadership meeting to create the new rotation.

"You traded a group patrol for greenhouse duty?" My lips are pursed and eyes squinted as I continue watching him prepare for the shift.

"I did," He nods, acting as though this is the most normal thing in the world. "I can get started before the others arrive. Where do you need me?"

"We need to turn over the beds in greenhouses three, five, and seven. If you start now, I'll send Dina when she gets here,"

"Great! I'll get started now." A coy smile begins to form before he holds it back, heading toward the first greenhouse. The look on his face immediately eases my suspicions about his behavior. Robin did not send her son to spy on me - he switched shifts to spend time with Dina. Regardless of his motivations, I'll take the help. Jesse always does reliable, consistent work and I know I won't have much to worry about today.

The morning goes as smoothly as I could hope, with Jesse and Dina working together turning over the beds while Eugene hauls in wheelbarrows of soil and fertilizer. Sidney, one of the teenagers who has been in Jackson since she was a child, oversees the sorting table as I bring each basket of freshly harvested produce in.

This is exactly what I have needed. It's hard to be frustrated when I am elbow deep in fresh tomatoes and peppers, the summer sunlight bathing everything in bright, warm rays of light. The only reason Joel comes to mind is because his house is literally right next door, the upper windows looming over the surrounding fence.

My irritation has slowly begun to turn toward anger the longer time goes on. Perhaps it would have been better to stick with my initial assumption and believe him to be a cruel and selfish person. I should have turned down that cup of coffee and walked away from his back porch, avoiding any and all serious conversations. Instead, I allowed myself to be worn down by what I believed to be gestures of goodwill - the blanket brought out to the barn, late night games of cards, and those damn crochet hooks he spent who knows how long carving by hand…I let him talk me into leaving the safety of my own home and traveling for an entire week into unknown territory. I let him stitch my wounds and see me cry and shared details of my life with him that only a handful of people know. And where did that get me?

Silence. Complete avoidance. We got back to Jackson and he could not get away from me fast enough.

"Can I interest you in taking a break?" Tommy calls out from the main gate, beginning to walk in my direction.

"Depends on what you're offering," I wipe the sweat from my forehead with the back of my wrist, resting my hands on my knees where I am kneeling in the dirt. He stands above me, hands on his hips.

"Just got word from the guys on the tower," He says. "They spotted Joel and Ellie coming over the ridge - should be at the gate in the next hour or two. I'm headin' over in a bit. Care to join me and be on the welcomin' end this time?"

"I'm good, thanks though." I go back to the plants in front of me, carefully removing the ruby red peppers from the vines and placing them in my basket. "We've got a lot to do here and I'd feel bad leaving everyone to it when I've already been gone for so long,"

"Aw, c'mon!" Tommy trills his lips dismissively. "You've done more than enough over the past week. It won't kill anyone if you take a short break. Don't you want to hear how their trip went?"

"I'm sure I'll hear about it soon enough." I don't look back up at him, hoping my lack of engagement with this discussion will make it clear that I have absolutely no interest in being there when they return.

"Alright, if you're sure…" He sighs, clearly not expecting this reaction. "If you change your mind, come on over."

"I won't, but I'm sure they'll be expecting to see you,"

Tommy walks out of earshot and speaks with Eugene, the old friends laughing together before he continues his journey to the stables. I can only imagine how well it would go over if I was there waiting with him when they get in. As much as I want to hear Ellie's reaction to everything, it is not worth the potentially uncomfortable silence between me and Joel.

When afternoon comes, I opt out of lunch at the community center and instead walk across the street and go home. Since I have been staying with Tommy and Maria, there is a low supply of fresh food in my cabinets, but I make a quick meal from the dried fruit and jerky that is stashed in high tight jars. I'm sure whatever they are serving at the community center is more filling, but it is not worth the potential of crossing paths with him. I return to the greenhouses before the next shift arrives, making my way quietly across the street with my hands in the pockets of my jeans.

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU KEPT THAT FROM ME!"

I stop dead in my tracks, frozen in place at the gate to the greenhouses. Even without turning my head, I can see two figures in my peripheral vision walking in my direction.

Shit.

Ellie comes bounding in my direction, backpack bouncing as she runs and hair falling from her loose ponytail. I turn slowly to face her, trying my hardest to keep my expression neutral. Joel stands a few feet behind her, waiting patiently at the steps of his house and observing the interaction from afar.

"You hated it, didn't you?" I muster my best sarcastic sneer and laugh as she throws her arms out dramatically.

"You seriously knew there were motherfucking rockets and dinosaurs and you just acted all cool and calm like it's no big deal! It's a HUGE fucking deal!" She practically yells, arms still held out to emphasize her statement.

"That's WHY I didn't tell you! The surprise was part of what made it so great. Did you get inside the capsule?" I cross my arms as I listen, my heart pounding furiously in my chest. My gaze keeps involuntarily going over her shoulder as I realize Joel is approaching.

"Of course! So fucking cool. I want to be mad at you for keeping it a secret, but that was seriously so fucking incredible. Look what else Joel found!" She pulls her backpack from her shoulders, enthusiastically holding it out to show me. On the front pouch is an enamel pin depicting a rocket in front of a pale blue outline of Earth. I don't remember seeing it when we were there, so it must be something he had planned on his own.

"That's awesome, Ellie," I can hardly hear her for how loudly my heartbeat is roaring in my ears now that Joel is standing directly behind her. He stands silently, watching contently as Ellie slides her backpack on again. "I'm really glad it was a success,"

"Me too," She smiles, collecting herself again before releasing a happy sigh. "Thanks for helping make it happen. That was pretty cool of you."

"You're welcome," I swallow in an attempt to squash the lump rising in my throat and manage a weak smile. Ellie turns to walk away, likely headed home to drop her things, but Joel does not follow. Instead, we are left standing in the street, staring at each other in complete silence.

My arms remain crossed as I study him. One arm hangs by his side as the other hand grips the strap of his pack. His face is coated in sweat and dirt, built up from their days of travel.

"You're back," I break the silence, unable to take it any longer. He nods gently, taking a moment before choosing to speak.

"Yeah…yeah, just got back a little while ago. Tommy was waiting on us again, which I should've known to expect." He runs a hand over his chin, brushing dirt from his beard. "You doin' alright, you know, with your head and all?"

"Yep," My response is curt, fingers digging into the side of my arm as my frustration rises. "My head's fine, and I got my stitches out yesterday so that's good."

"Good, I'm real glad to hear that." He shifts his shoulders to adjust his pack, but his gaze never breaks from mine. "I, uh, I wanted to come check on you before we left, but things got real busy and I figured you were in good hands with Maria…"

"You're good," I look down, throat tightening the longer I look at him. I manage to draw in a deep breath and center myself, refusing to let whatever this emotion is overcome me. Lying to me is so much worse than remaining silent. I don't need his excuses. He doesn't owe me anything. "I should get back. My next rotation is coming through and they'll need their assignments."

"Of course," He responds quickly, taking a step back. "Glad you're feeling better. I'll see you around…leadership meetin' tomorrow, right?"

"Sure," I guess Tommy went ahead and decided the meeting time, but I have not had that confirmed. "I'll see you around,"

I don't wait for his response, pivoting on my heels and shuffling quickly through the gate. The next rotation is already beginning to arrive, so I waste no time assigning their tasks and returning to work, grateful for the reprieve so my pulse can return to a normal pace.

"Thank you all for gathering at such short notice," Maria takes her seat at the table, mug of herbal tea in hand. "As you all know, we're seeing an even higher increase in the number of Infected in the area, so it is more crucial than ever that we have our defenses in place."

The leadership team is seated around the dining room table, which is covered in a new collection of maps, leather bound notebooks, and pens. Detailed markings are scrawled across the pages, noting landmarks and boundaries that are accompanied by lists of names. As always, Tommy and Maria are seated at each end of the table as the rest of us fill the seats in between. I find myself seated between Eugene and Houser while Esther, Earl, and Joel take the seats across.

"Like the group agreed, Joel is being brought on to help lead this new system for patrols," Tommy explains, gesturing to Joel as though the group does not already know who he is.

"I appreciate y'all trusting me to join your group," Joel nods to the group, making a point to look around the table at each of us.

"Happy to have you, man," Eugene chimes in. "Somebody's gotta help us keep Tommy in line,"

"Alright, alright," Tommy shoots Eugene a look as the group chuckles, attempting to bring the conversation back to the purpose of the meeting. "Let's start breaking this down, because we have a lot to explain and start puttin' into action,"

Maria stands, walking us through the markings on each map to explain the new system. The area will be split into six regions: Teton County, Wilson Valley, Hoback Pass, Elk Creek, Alpine Valley and Colten Bay. Each region will be swept by pairs on a regular schedule with group patrols going on when the need arises. Pairs will generally stay the same, allowing partners to build trust and routine together for better efficiency.

"Joel and I will be the first pair," Tommy explains, opening one of the leather books and revealing a roster that has already been determined. "The others we are proposing are Earl and Houser, Eugene and Mike, Bonnie and Greg, and then one that may require some discussion. We think Jesse has really proven himself on the group patrols and is ready to take on more responsibility, so we'd pair him up with Astrid."

"I think that's a great idea," I affirm, knowing this decision will be something Jesse is thrilled to hear. But instead of the positive response I anticipate, Houser audibly groans. The room falls silent, waiting in confusion for an explanation of his response. Jesse has more than proven himself, so this opposition is surprising.

"Do you have a different suggestion, Houser?" Maria asks, brow raised as she looks in his direction.

"About Jesse? No, the kid is great. He'll make a fine patrolman," Houser sighs, leaning back slightly in his seat. "I'm just not surprised that there's a particular name that managed to avoid making it on this list,"

"If you have suggestions, we're happy to hear 'em," Tommy says, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table.

"Are you?" Houser challenges him, sitting up and beginning to puff out his chest. "Look, I'm just going to lay it out there because I know we're all thinking it - I know you two like to pretend she's a fragile flower, but I think we've seen that she's capable of doing more than growing vegetables,"

He's talking about me. For a moment, the room falls completely silent. I keep my gaze focused on the table in front of me, feeling the weight of everyone slowly beginning to look straight at me. The open criticism of the Millers' approach is unusual, adding an extra layer of tension to the conversation.

"Managing our entire greenhouse operation and distribution is a serious assignment," Maria states calmly. "It's the same reason we did not add Esther to a pair, since she oversees community events and facilities management. When group patrols go out, they are both on the list of potential patrolmen, but being part of a regular pair is more than we feel comfortable asking,"

"I'm sure," Another deep sigh comes from Houser. "Bonnie seemed to manage just fine while she took off for a week, and you don't have an issue assigning her to a pair."

"Bonnie stepped in where there was a need," Tommy's tone takes a more firm shift. "The gardens are not her primary assignment."

"I get that, all I'm saying is that you've got a major opposition to putting her on patrol but no opposition to her going off for a week with Joel to clear some place that is days away. The math just isn't adding up, if you know what I'm saying."

I am staring so intently at the table that my eyes begin to water. To be discussed with such contempt by someone sitting close enough to bump elbows is horrifying. All eyes are darting between me and the Millers, the air thick with anticipation of who will respond.

"I'd appreciate it if you would speak more plainly, Houser," Maria's speech is slow and intentional. She's holding back anger, but it is not obvious to those who do not know her as well.

"You baby her," Earl chimes in, and the unexpectedly blunt accusation lands like a slap in the face. My ears begin to ring, a piercing shrill that drowns out the conversation as Tommy raises his voice for the first time to combat the accusation. I can tell they are arguing, but my head is spinning and my palms are pooling with clammy sweat. I am frozen in my seat, unable to lift my gaze from the table or shift any muscle for fear of falling over. This is humiliating, but I am gripped by a paralysis that will not let me speak up for myself.

"Enough!" Maria interjects, stopping the argument taking place between Tommy, Houser, and Earl. The men immediately fall silent, looking to her as their tempers threaten to break through again. "That is enough. We welcome all opinions at this table, but we will share them with respect and respond the same."

Tommy sits back in his seat, nodding in acknowledgment of his inclusion in this statement. The group stays silent as Maria continues.

"I've shared our reasoning behind the creation of the patrol pairs, but this is not a dictatorship. If there is truly such strong opposition to the way we have assigned them, I will not overturn a majority vote. So that is exactly what we will do - take a vote. If there is a belief that greenhouse duty does not negate the ability to go on patrol as well, then speak now. Do you all want the pairs reassigned so that she is also on the list?"

It takes a lot to get Maria worked up. Even Houser hesitates before speaking up - but not for long. He raises a hand, nodding to the group before speaking.

"Yes,"

"Yes," Earl takes his lead from Houser and raises a hand as well. My chest rises and falls with heaving breaths as I am desperate to center myself to maintain some control.

"Yes," Esther speaks next, her voice confident and direct as she stares in my direction. This vote is not going my way, with only Eugene, Tommy, and Joel left to speak. Surely they would be on my side…

"Well, shit," Eugene sighs, leaning his chair back on two legs and placing a hand on my back as though to reassure me. "I say yes."

I cut my eyes over in his direction, but am only met with a shrug. He does not bother to give a reason for his vote, which confuses me even more. Tommy sighs, but instead of casting a vote, he turns his attention to Joel.

"What do you say?" He asks his brother, leaning further forward on his elbows as we all await his answer. It feels like an eternity passes before he finally speaks.

"Yes."

At this, my eyes shoot up, breaking away from the table and straight in his direction. He looks calm, totally unapologetic for the decision he has just made for me. It does not matter how Tommy or Maria vote, because the group has spoken. As Maria begins to speak, I turn my head in her direction, jaw clenched and back straight as I use every bit of strength I have to maintain my composure.

"Then it's decided," She releases a slow sigh, clearly displeased with the situation but unwilling to use her power to sway the decision. "We'll reorganize the pairings and create a new list. Do you have any thoughts about this? You've been usually quiet,"

Everyone is staring at me while my mind races deciding how to respond. There are so many feelings rushing through me that it is hard to land on just one. Betrayal, confusion, anger and fear all compete for the top spot, running sickening circles through my stomach.

"If that's what the group wants, then I will honor that," I say calmly, barely stopping my voice from trembling.

"We'll make the new assignments today and have them to you all by morning," Tommy confirms, sitting back in his seat and nodding slowly. "We want everyone to take some practice runs, get used to the timing and the landscape, so we'll be runnin' some test routes throughout the week. This is a new system, so there's gonna be kinks to work out."

The rest of the meeting goes by in a blur, with discussions of schedules and logistics and timing of patrols. My focus stays entirely on keeping my cool, which grows more and more challenging by the minute. When the meeting is adjourned, I excuse myself and retreat down the hall, sitting swiftly on the bed I have occupied for the last two weeks. From down the hall, I can hear their distant conversations as everyone gathers their things and leaves, preparing to go about the rest of their day without change or interruption. Once things fall silent, I hear footsteps coming down the hall and brace myself as Maria stands in the doorway.

"I'm sorry," She says quietly. "That was uncalled for, and I should have intervened differently."

"And what good would that have done?" I ask, voice cracking and hands beginning to shake as I look up at her. "If you had overruled the vote, it would only prove Houser right. They all accused you of favoring me, Maria."

"He was out of line," Maria replies in a stern voice. "But regardless of all of that, we will make this work. We will - "

"I need to go home," I cut her off, gripping the side of the bed. "I can't keep staying here and perpetrating this belief. I'm going home tonight, and we can discuss all of this another time. I need to just clear my head,"

She nods, staying silent for a moment as she contemplates the situation at hand.

"I won't force you to stay here," She says. "We always love having you, but I respect that you need some space to process."

"Thank you," I stand up slowly, releasing the tension I have been holding so tightly in my shoulders and dropping my neck back momentarily. Maria steps away silently, choosing to let me begin packing up the small amount of belongings that came with me in peace.

Despite being home for hours, my heart has not stopped racing. I thought returning to my own space and reclaiming some independence would make me feel better, but instead it has only furthered the inward spiral of competing anger and anxiety that threatens to consume me.

My life used to have consistency and order. Leaving Atlanta was a risk I never saw myself taking and it appeared to end in life altering tragedy. But Jackson gave me a new start, a safe haven I never believed possible after the world fell apart. In these walls, I made a home. I found purpose in growing new life from the tiniest seeds and feeding our community of individuals and families who found their second chance as well. Occasionally, if the need arose, I would go on a group patrol to the dam or take a shift on the watchtowers, but my primary purpose has always been internally focused.

Until now. And really, until Joel.

His arrival changed everything, from the moment they showed up at the dam on that gray, dreary morning. Instead of trusting my instincts, I allowed him to wear me down, to break through my assumptions and earn my trust. And where did that get me? Not only on a patrol route assignment, but publicly humiliated in front of the leadership group by being accused of benefiting from favoritism.

I should have kept to myself. I should have turned down his damn cup of coffee and kept walking off and never looked back. I should never have agreed to take off into the woods for a week and risk my life just to help him pull off an elaborate birthday surprise. My once consistent, reliable routine has been destroyed by this man who has brought me nothing but a concussion, a new scar, and complete upheaval of my routine.

By now, the sun has gone down and the warm glow of street lamps fills the night with flickering light. People have returned to their homes, cleaning dinner plates and turning down beds and enjoying the final hours of the evening before they rest and begin their work again. From the window above my couch, I have a clear view of Joel's house. The second story windows are clearly lit, along with the front porch light that has stayed dark during his absence. He is home, probably settling back into his undisrupted routine, unimpacted by any recent events. He has no new assignments, no new scars in prominent spots, and no new expectations put in place by outside forces. His life is unchanged. Yet with one word, he swayed the trajectory of mine.

So maybe it's time I swayed his, even just a bit.

I hastily slide into the first pair of boots I find sitting by the front door, barely lacing them before taking off. The cool night arm gently caresses my bare arms as I step outside, not even bothering to throw on a jacket over my maroon t-shirt or change out of the black sweatpants I threw on the moment I got home. I am driven by momentum that will not be stopped.

My fist hits his door three times, each knock louder than the last, before I step back and wait for him to answer. It takes a minute, but the latch on the front door finally turns and I see his confused expression as the door slowly pulls open. Joel is wearing jeans and a threadbare brown shirt, wood shavings clinging to the front. He looks me up and down, his brow furrowed and lips tight, nearly disappearing into his graying facial hair.

"Can we talk?" My question is practically barked, hands on my hips and chin raised as I look up to meet his gaze. He seems to contemplate my question for a moment before silently stepping aside, opening the door wider to let me inside. I step forward without hesitation and find myself standing in the entryway as he closes the door behind us.

I have never been inside his house. This realization hits me fast and hard as soon as the door is shut. Our card games always took place on the back porch, and he came inside alone to pour drinks. For the first time, I am in the place he has claimed as his own and my confidence begins to shake as that reality sets in.

The entryway leads through the center of the house, with rooms branching off to each side and a large staircase wrapping upward in the corner ahead. To the right, a living room with a fireplace, built-in bookshelves, and a window seat holds a couch, recliner and television surrounded by carved wood decorations and various books. To the left, a table and chairs fill the dining room, which leads the way to the kitchen. Immediately, I am hit with the smell of wood and leather and the faintest hint of dust, the trademark scent every home in Jackson has earned with age.

Joel turns his back to the door and watches as I take in my surroundings. He takes a few steps in my direction, keeping a broad distance between us but leaving an opening between me and the door. Before he can say anything, I let my thoughts start coming out.

"I've never been inside your house,"

"No," He shakes his head slightly, "You haven't."

"It's big," Apparently brief, obvious observations are all I am capable of stating now that I am actually inside.

"It is," He agrees, brows continuing to furrow skeptically as he stares at me. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Are you covered in wood chips?" I nod toward the front of his shirt, which he brushes and causes a cloud minuscule wood pieces to float to the ground.

"I was workin' on something before you came poundin' on the door," He says, looking toward the staircase. His hands go to his hips and he sighs heavily, clearly confused by my erratic behavior. "Are you okay?"

"Honestly, Joel, I'm not really sure how to answer that," I cross my arms angrily, nostrils flared as I stare in his direction. The sudden change of tone causes him to shift, his own posture becoming more defensive and chin tilting up as he braces for whatever I am about to throw his way. "I just…I am just really confused about what went down today and the only way I know to handle that is to quit pouting about it and ask. So here I am, asking…"

"Asking what, exactly?" He demands, voice rising to match my tone. Tension is growing much more quickly than I intended, but my adrenaline is pumping and I cannot back down now.

"Why the hell did you vote for me to be in a patrol pair?" My voice is getting higher and I can feel heat building in my cheeks, likely betraying me and turning visibly red.

"Why would I not?" He retorts, shoulders squared. Even standing feet apart, I can see the veins in his neck tensing defensively. "Would you rather I lie and tell everyone you ain't capable of handlin' it?"

"I'm not capable of handling it! You saw that yourself!" Raising my voice will not help the situation, but I cannot help it when his response is so ridiculous.

"When would I have seen that, exactly? If I didn't think you were capable, I would never have asked you to go to the museum with me. I may be a lot of things, but stupid sure ain't one of 'em."

"You're joking, right?" I scoff, pulling my arm in front of me and bracing my elbow so he has a clear view of the healing wound cutting across my tricep. "I let my guard down and nearly got taken out by a fucking runner. I had a concussion! You had to stitch my arm closed so I didn't bleed to death! In what world am I competent to go on patrol when I couldn't even stop ONE lone Infected from taking me out?!"

My heart is beating so fast it feels like it will fly through my skin and out of my chest. I have kept so much pent up inside me for so long now, building and building with every passing day.

"That has no reflection on your abilities," Joel growls, shaking his head and looking off over his shoulder as though he is contemplating his words carefully. "That's just the type of risk you run doin' these things. You think I've never been hurt? Never had anything go wrong when up against a horde? We've all been there, and that was just one moment in a week. Before that, you carried yourself with confidence and skill and a calm, collected demeanor. That's exactly what you need when you're clearin' a building you ain't been in before or watching your partner's back. So I voted yes, because even with a concussion I think you'd make a fine partner for any patrolman."

God, I want to be angry. I want to be absolutely raging with fury at his response, but that would be far easier than the complicated swell of emotions that continues to churn within me. I want to hate him, feel that resentment and disdain that dictated my reaction back at the dam when I jumped up in his face ready to fight. But I don't hate him, and that is the crux of the problem. I want to believe he has uprooted my life by changing my day to day assignments without a care in the world, but instead he is adamantly defending his choice by complimenting my abilities.I want to believe that him ignoring me after our return and never checking up on me made me angry, but I know that isn't the truth. The reality is that it disappointed me, but admitting that means acknowledging a much bigger and much scarier truth. And I just can't do that, not right now.

I start to walk toward the door, but something stops me after barely two steps. What was the point of coming over here and barging into his house if I am going to just leave without answers? Before I lose my nerve, I turn to face him again, my feet firmly planted in place as I stare him straight in the eye.

"If that runner hadn't shown up at the museum, what would have happened?"

The sudden shift in my voice takes him off guard. I am no longer yelling, but instead my question comes in a calm, deliberate tone.

"Well, you wouldn't be recovering from a concussion…" He sighs, gesturing with one hand toward my head before running his hand through his hair.

"Would you have kissed me?" I lay it out there as bluntly as I can. "While we were in that space capsule?"

He pauses, one long inhale audibly pulling through his nose as his jaw tenses and eyes glare into mine.

"What are you doing?"

"Asking a stupid, presumptuous question it seems. Forget it." I turn hard on my heels back toward the door with an exasperated, almost defeated groan. It was a stupid question, one that should have never escaped my mouth and inevitably made things even worse between us. "I'll see you around, likely out on patrol thanks to your vote today…"

My hand slams into the door handle with unnecessary force, reflecting the internal panic I can no longer keep fully inside. Of course he was not going to kiss me. The idea sounds even more heinous now that I have said it out loud and regret threatens to consume me. There is no coming back from such a bold assumption, especially when made by someone who barges into your house at an unannounced time and loses their shit on you. As I turn the knob and begin to pull the door open, Joel's response stops me in my tracks.

"What would you have done if I had?"

"What?"

I turn back to face him so slowly that it barely feels like I am moving at all. His defensive posture from before is gone, and he stands openly with his arms by his side, expression soft yet hesitant as he looks my way.

"If I had kissed you, what would you have done?" He repeats, standing completely still as he awaits my response.

My entire body is shaking. He has to see it. My legs tremble as I begin to walk toward him slowly, terrified that every muscle may give out at any second. That same jittery feeling that has plagued me throughout the previous weeks returns, brewing within my gut and causing me to become intensely aware of my body and the way I am taking up space. With a few more shaky steps, I am standing directly in front of him, shoulders squared to match his and eyes looking upward with as much confidence as I can muster. A memory flashes and I am back at the dam, rising to meet his gaze but with very different intentions. Before I speak, I take one slow, calming breath and lean into the last ounce of confidence I have within me.

"Why don't you try now and find out?"

For one fleeting, terrifying moment, he does nothing but stare straight into my eyes.
Then it happens. A sudden, palpable shift in the energy between us that nearly knocks me to my knees. His gaze falls quickly to my mouth then back up to my eyes with a look I have not seen from him before, and something within me snaps.

I grasp the front of his shirt as his hands go directly to my waist, pulling me in until there is absolutely no space left between us. There is a desperate, urgent energy in the way his lips meet mine, the coarse hair of his beard brushing against my cheeks as I fully melt into his embrace. He slides a hand to the small of my back while the other comes up, sending chills down my spine as he grips the hair at the nape of my neck and holds me close. I allow my arms to float up, draping around his neck to pull him in closer as our lips part and tongues meet with intense, desperate desire. Every built up moment of tension and intense emotion between us comes to a head, pulling us together with magnetic force that we have tried so long to deny. Time seems to stand still and all I can think about is how I need him to pull me in even more, to stay forever in this moment of complete surrender and vulnerability while being safe in his arms.

We pull back, swift but hesitantly, our breath colliding as neither of us lets go of the other.

"Does that answer your question?" My voice barely rises above a whisper, heart racing as he cups my cheek in his hand and pulls me back in, his kiss slow and intentional and overwhelming as every nerve in my body comes alive.

"I've thought about doin' that more times than I'd like to admit…" He whispers back, holding tight to the small of my back as our foreheads gently meet. His eyes are warm and welcoming as he takes me in, staring so intently that I swear he can see straight into my soul. I somehow feel completely vulnerable yet wholly safe all at once, staring back at him with an openness I have not allowed anyone to see before.

"Well, now you can do more than think about it. In fact, I very much support doing something about it." I smirk, pulling a hand from behind his neck and running my fingers through his beard before leaning in and placing a tender kiss on his cheek.

"And if I asked you to stay with me?" He asks, voice deep and intimate as he all but whispers in my ear, sending another rush of chills through every inch of my body.

"Like right now? Tonight?"

He nods gently, forehead brushing against mine as he tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear. I pull my teeth softly across my bottom lip, thinking only for the most brief of moments before I reply.

"...I'd say yes."