"Listen to your bullshit pipedream?! That Flower has to be destroyed or we're all dead and that means killing you and every last Intoner in this miserable! Fucking! WORLD!"

"I'll find a way so no one has to die and suffer anymore. I won't give up until this world is better!"

She couldn't take it anymore and broke out into a fit of laughter. "Ha ha ha! Look at your face! You're so goddamn serious!"

"Wait, cut, cut! Stop rolling!" Sighing, Dito jumped out of the director's seat and then went up to Zero who was still laughing. "Rose, this is supposed to be a serious scene, or did you forget your lines again?!"

"Sorry I couldn't help it, he sounds just like an anime character."

"I mean…I thought it sounded authentic to his character," Riku muttered.

"Just read your damn lines like the script says!"

All of a sudden, a little boy cloaked in green sheets came running around the set. "Roar! Now it's Mikhail's turn! I wanna turn into a big scary monster!"

Dito pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ugh this is why I hate child actors- Mikhail, come on, go back to the recording booth!" He returned to the director's chair. "Alright, Riku, Rose, we're at scene 11 take…who the hell knows at this point. Ready, lights, camera, act-"

"Waaaait!" Four rushed in on the set before cameras started rolling with a thick stack of papers in her hand. She went over to Dito who was already groaning preemptively for whatever she had to say.

"Four, we already shot your scenes for today, you can go home now."

"No this isn't about that!" She waved the stack of papers in front of his face. "Ahem! Have you looked over my script rewrites yet like you said?"

"Ughhh, for the last time, we're not rewriting your death scene! Besides, we already shot and recorded everything!"

"So fix it in post!"

"Do you know how many takes it took to even get that scene together?! Look, everything's finalized so you're sol."

"But Four's a fan-favorite character and she's not even done with her character development yet, HELLO don't you see the potential here? I'm pretty sure I get the most fan mail!"

"That's Rose."

"2nd most?"

"Riku."

"3rd-"

"Listen I don't know why you're complaining, literally everyone dies at the end of the story anyways. At least you get a decent goodbye scene, Five didn't get anything close to that."

"Because she played a bit role! I'm literally a main character!"

"You're literally not."

She crossed her arms, then furrowed her eyebrows. "You know what this is?"

"Ugh here we go again."

"This is mis-o-gy-ny! I'm literally dying for a man's pain—no I'm dying for two men's pain." She pointed to Decadus. "My MALE costar is just a one-note character who has the same line delivery for every single scene he's in and contributes nothing yet he gets to live for several more episodes!"

"According to episode 19–" Decadus started to say before getting cut off by Four.

"Not now, I'm trying to have a girl boss moment." She breathed sharply. "You know what? I'm taking this to the writer's room. Clearly I need a woman's opinion." And she did just that, but when she went inside she found the head writer asleep at her keyboard.

"Three!" She slapped her on the head with her script rewrite. "I know you're just 'super busy' right now but I wanted your opinion on my script changes."

"...What?"

"It was in that package I gave you two weeks ago?"

"..."

"For your birthday?"

"Oh."

"Well?"

"No."

"No?! What do you mean no?!

"Your character is dead, end of story."

"Did you even read it or did you just skim over it? It's not just about Four being alive but about exploring her character!"

"There were too many characters so I had to cut the cast down."

"You could've killed Decadus or Octa! Or any of those stupid disciple characters!"

"Wouldn't have contributed to Two's mental breakdown."

"Did that really need to happen?!"

"Riku's struggle on whether or not to kill Two was a pivotal part of his development in the latter half."

"I mean it's not like it was executed that well anyways. Honestly, you take all this time for a script and force the show to constantly go on hiatus only for it to be mediocre in the end."

She shrugged. "That's show biz."

There was a knock at the door and Two came in with a pair of coffees in her hand. "Is Four talking about her character getting killed off again?"

"Yes."

"You two don't understand! This is about fighting for gender equality and promoting diverse storytelling," Four argued.

She rolled her eyes then set one of the coffees on the Three's desk. "Since when was a cast of white women 'diverse storytelling'? Besides, you're acting like you're the only one who's getting the short end of the stick. Two dies right after she starts to find inner peace, just like Four, plus it's off-screen."

"Well not everyone can have an on-screen death."

"Not to mention that you're getting an extended role next season, I don't even think I get a cameo."

"We have side characters for a reason, Two."

"You're a side character too, Four," Three said.

"I'd say I'm more of an ensemble dark horse."

"Analytics say otherwise."

"Analytics?" Four's eyes lit up. "You're right! I need to go take this to upper management!"

With the writer's room now crossed off the list, Four made her way to One's office. She knocked on the door, then let herself in. One lifted her head up from the computer monitor when she heard the door open. "Hm, Four? What is it?"

"One! You're smart! I'm obviously one of the fan favorites, but neither the director nor the head writer wanted to even take a look at my script rewrite!"

"Four, I'm sorry to say but you're not a fan favorite."

"What are you talking about? I'm totally the fandom's darling!"

"Then how come your merchandise doesn't sell well?"

"Well-"

"And why was your light novel a critical failure?"

"I can explain-"

"Face it Four, audiences just didn't resonate with your character. Zero fulfills the tsundere role, Two is the nice girl with a tragic story, Five is the comic relief fanservice, Three is one of the main villains, I'm the serious one. These days it's all about being authentic to yourself, no one is really clicking with the two-faced girl."

"Okay but after my character development arc-"

"Audiences thought your racism towards the elves was out of touch. No one wants to relate to the racist character."

"Don't people understand the point of character development? And we've all been racist before in our lives, right?! Like just today I saw a -"

"Ah, ah! Gonna stop you right there before you say anything out of pocket."

"Well whatever, if these weebs didn't like me in season 1, they'll love me in season 2 when I'm the bad guy!"

*Four was later written out of season 2


A/N: The real joke was I posted this AFTER 4/1 :,)