The night grows calm as the rain comes to a halt. Clara had left the SUV moments ago and is now walking down a stone path. She doesn't know where she is going, but she figures getting out of the vehicle once the rain has settled would do her some good. She had left her crossbow in the SUV, but her gun remains with her. She had made sure she kept tab of where the SUV was.
She wanders through the path while passing some people chatting along the way. Her mind is clouded as she tries to push away any recurring thoughts about Aiden, Rachel, or anyone else. Her anxiety lingers, but she withholds the pressure of her emotions. She blankly studies the view to her right showing some calm water along with the tall buildings further down.
With every passing second, Clara finds it harder to push away her past mistakes. Eventually, she caves into her feelings and that familiar pain returns to her chest. A knot forms in her throat.
"These fascists think they can run our city!" The harsh voice of a female protester shouting through a megaphone immediately causes Clara to jump a little, making her now realize she is passing a group of protesters.
The sound of the woman's voice irritates Clara due to her already intrusive thoughts. She makes an effort to walk faster to get away from the noise. Her self depricating thoughts are coming back full force.
Images flash in Clara's mind. Aiden's torn expression when she saw him at Lena's funeral. Seeing his eyes filled with anger, betrayal, and disgust after pushing her to the ground. The faces of others she had severely hurt for Rachel.
Their tears. Their lives being fucked over.
Clara's stomach tightens and she becomes nauseous. What kind of person is she? How could she not give a damn who she gave out information to? She was only after money. What a pathetic excuse.
Not being able to take it anymore, Clara rushes towards a set of stairs leading down to a small shore. Not caring about potential onlookers, she paces down the stairs and enters the small area. Sand reaches the bottom of her combat boots. There are no waves. There's just the subtle sound of water gently grazing the sand.
Clara collapses down to her knees and holds her stomach. Her anxiety grows more apparent and she takes quicker breaths.
A monster. That's all she is.
Goosebumps cover Clara's body. She hovers over, feeling the urge to vomit. She coughs a few times and a painful knot forms in her throat. Each cough makes her stomach cramp even more. Tears prick at her eyes before her body finally gives out.
Vomit plunges out of her throat and starts coughing it out onto the sand. Without getting a chance to get a grip, nausea overtakes her as more puke escapes her mouth. Clara's body shivers at this point and tears roll down her cheeks. She sniffles and tries pushing down anymore puke threatening to come out. She turns away from the mess she made and continues to swallow until she feels that most of her nausea has subsided.
Clara's mouth hangs open while she tries to control her breathing. The scent of the wet sand fills her nostrils. Her stomach continues to cramp and she keeps her arms huddling around it. She rests her side onto the cool sand and curls up into a ball. Her lips tremble and she breaks down sobbing.
Her voice strains and she chokes out her sobs. A trail of tears trickle down her cheeks accompanied with her nose running. This is what she has become. A shell of her former self. All of her wrong doings are eating her alive. Is there even a chance for her to redeem herself?
It's not too late.
Those words come back to haunt her and she despises it. It is too late. It has always been too late.
Monster. You're a monster.
The words repeat through Clara's head. Her chest stings through her cries and she doesn't know if she can take much more pain. Clara sighs heavily as she gets back up to her knees, her sobbing turning into a soft whimper. Tears stain her face. She tries to calm herself through deep breathing. Only now does she view the sight of the city and the calm water in front of her.
The London bridge rests to the left of her view with its lights glowing in the night. She sits alone gradually feeling more and more numb as time goes on. She can't even get into the possibility of having to run from Rachel for the rest of her life. She doesn't know if she can bear a life of that.
Hell, she doesn't even know if she can withstand life of living with all of this guilt.
After some minutes go by, she sighs shakily, wipes her face and slowly gets to her feet. Her brain scrambles through memories on repeat over and over again. Her eyes are droopy and exhaustion threatens to consume her. The scent of salt water clings to her nostrils as she inhales sharply before heading back to the stairs with her head hanging down.
This time, she doesn't regard her surroundings. Feeling mentally drained, she starts to not care about what happens to her. This world is better off without her anyway.
After moments of her walking through the streets, she makes it back to her SUV. She sits in the driver's seat having turned the vehicle on and a british woman's voice gently speaks through the radio talking about the latest news. Clara can care less. Her tears stain her face. Feeling numb and tired, she watches the trail of leftover rain trickle down her window.
Cars pass by. People walk by at a distance being unaware of Clara's state. The world continues to turn. Nobody would know if she is still alive. She sits and sits. Minutes pass as she starts to contemplate her own life. Her eyes dart down to the pistol sitting on the passenger seat.
Can she ever redeem herself?
Her fingers graze the weapon. No. She can't change anything. Nothing will change.
Nothing.
The world seems to stop as Clara slowly picks up the gun. A lump forms in her throat while brings the gun towards her and inspects it as if it's her first time seeing one. It would just be one shot. Quick. Easy.
"It...it'll be quick," Clara repeats the idea back to herself.
At this moment, any hope she had about escaping Rachel, or her past is gone now. Her hands now shaking, Clara brings the pistol towards her temple. New tears temporarily blur her vision and she prepares herself to leave the world. There's so much pain inside carving her like a knife.
She wants it to stop. She can disappear just like she always wanted. Yes...disappear.
She holds the gun there, waiting to pull the trigger, for her vision to go black, but it never comes. She is stuck trembling with a gun inches away from taking her life. She can count to three. Maybe it'll be easier that way.
"Okay..." she murmurs and readjusts the pistol. "One..."
She gazes out into the city taking in the view for the last time.
"Two..."
Tears trickle down her face, her breathing becoming hollow.
"...Aiden...Pearce...spotted..."
Her ears perk up suddenly upon hearing Aiden's name on the radio. With her gun remaining on her temple, she glances down at the radio. Did she hear his name? She had to. She is hypersensitive to his name at this point.
"Reports say the widely known Vigilante of Chicago was seen stirring up trouble for Albion along with other groups around London such as Clan Kelley."
Clara listens intently as the woman continues.
"This could all be speculation, but could Aiden Pearce, the Fox, be right here in London? Or is it all just a rumor?"
The reporter leaves the question unanswered and goes on to report other new events. Clara continues to stare at the radio for several seconds while processing what she heard.
She already knows Rachel has a lead on Aiden being in London, but she still finds herself frozen in place. Why is she hesitating now? More seconds go by and a new thought reaches her mind.
What if Rachel actually finds Aiden, or let alone Jackson? What if they need help? Clara shakes her head.
"No. Aiden can handle himself."
Clara sighs and focuses on pulling the trigger again, but another question haunts her.
What if he can't?
Clara knows Aiden is not someone to be messed with. She has been made fully aware of that, but Rachel is driven. Determined. She always finds a way to get what she wants.
"Come on, Clara. It's been how many years? She would have killed him by now."
Her statement doesn't seem to satisfy her as she eases her grip on her pistol. Where are they? How are they doing now? What if she only checked on them?
No. They wouldn't want to see her. Why would Aiden want to see her after killing his niece, or let alone stripping Jackson of a sister?
Clara continues to sit there pondering. She can't shake off images appearing in her mind of Rachel potentially capturing Aiden, his sister, Nicky, and Jackson. Her brain conjures the best picture it can of how his nephew could look now. She imagines them tied up, bruised, battered.
Pleading for help.
In an instant, Clara gasps. Can she really allow that to happen? Can she truly allow Rachel to win?
Clara sets down the gun into her lap while sniffling. She processes the fact she almost took her own life. Seconds turn into minutes. Clara looks off to the city once more. Was she actually about to kill herself? Clara shivers.
"No. I can't die now," she mutters.
Clara regains herself and takes deep breaths.
"Okay..." she says after a long sigh.
Placing the gun onto the passenger's seat, she looks out to the buildings and the vastness of the city.
"They have to be out there somewhere."
Judging from Rachel's lead and the news report, she has a hard time doubting that Aiden is in London, but it'll be difficult to track him if he is in the city.
"What about Jackson?" She wonders.
She remembers Rachel's source for Jackson being in London was him attending the Imperial College of London. Maybe she can start there?
Clara releases a heavy breath, her body still trembling, but milder than before.
"Calm down..." she says to herself.
She takes a deep breaths. After some time, she manages to relax. Her shoulder slouch and she reclines back in the seat.
"Alright...Jackson."
Clara pulls out her phone and stares at it for a moment. Even if Aiden or Jackson could be mad at her, at least by trying to reach out and help, there is a lesser chance that Rachel can get to them.
Without anymore hesitation, Clara turns on her phone and starts to run a search for any potential Jackson Pearces in the network. Nothing. At least nothing comes up with a Jackson Pearce related to a Nicole Pearce. Perhaps he changed his name, but if thats the case, why does Rachel's lead suggest that Jackson still uses his full name? She probably not digging deep enough.
She decides to take a deepdive into scholarships, financial aid, or any type of info that include background information on him. After some scrolling through different names, she finally finds a Jackson Pearce under the Larson family scholarship, however, she only manages to dig up his age and his major. She checks into the financial aid account.
Bingo.
Jackson Pearce, 26 years old, relations to...a Nicole Pearce.
This has to be it.
She sees his state of residence which is in Camden.
"Perfect."
Clara puts a pin at his address and readies her hands onto the steering wheel. What exactly would she do when she gets there? Is she supposed to say, "Hey. I'm someone who you don't know and has quite frankly fucked your entire family up, but these shady people are after you, so you should totally trust me."
No. She definitely can't do it like that. She would have to gather evidence of her claim first. She still can't help but feel curious as to how Jackson is doing. Maybe a secret part of her hopes that Aiden would be there to.
How is he now? Is he still mad at her?
Clara sighs before putting the car into drive and pulling out of the parallel parking spot with the intent of peaking into Jackson's apartment to see if he's alright.
"Checkmate!" Jackson exclaims with a proud look on his face after checking Aiden's king.
"Yeah, yeah. You win again," Aiden says with a chuckle.
Jackson resets the chessboard.
"Wanna go for another game, or are you afraid to lose again?" Jacks says while waving a chess piece in front of him.
"I'll play again just to wipe that smirk off your face."
"Good luck with that."
They play again. It's currently two in the morning and both Aiden and Jacks couldn't sleep with Jacks being up working on his studies and Aiden having trouble getting some shuteye, especially in his car. Jackson had decided to take a break and to invite his uncle over for a long overdue game of chess at his apartment being well aware that Aiden is the type to stay up late. Now, here they are.
Despite his losses at the game, Aiden is content to be spending time with his nephew. With the rain picking back up and pattering against the window, without any sort of life threatening conflict to follow suit, for once in a long time, Aiden is at peace.
"Seriously though. You used to be an expert at chess," Jackson notes while making his next move.
"I guess it's been awhile since I've played. I don't think I've played since...since..." Aiden's voice trails off.
"The funeral?" Jackson finishes Aiden's sentence, his mood growing somber.
"Yeah."
Silence fills the room. They don't say anything for a minute or two as they both continue to play.
"So um...have you thought of an exit strategy? You know, retiring as you'd put it?" Jackson breaks the silence.
Aiden sighs. "I think I'm better off doing work for your Dedsec friends. I want to put my old work behind me and it is for a good cause. Isn't it?"
Aiden looks to Jackson for approval. The last thing he wants is to repeat the mistakes of the past.
"Yeah," Jacks nods, "You'll have a lesser chance of killing someone, and it's definitely helping. How did you get along with them last time?"
Aiden shrugs.
"They were alright. Seemed like good people."
"Really? They were just alright?" Jackson says while folding his arms across the table. "Connie told me you were a real worrywart with Angel and Claire. She said you worried about their safety."
Aiden laughs quietly. "I didn't come off that worried. I just wanted to make sure they got out alright."
Jackson shakes his head and grins at Aiden.
"You're such a terrible liar. I've always known you were a big worrier so there's no point in hiding it."
"Jacks..."
Jackson chuckles. "Mom always told me when I was a kid that you had a heart on your sleeve."
"Sounds like something she'd say."
They grow quiet for a few seconds, making their next moves before it's Aiden's turn to break the silence.
"How is she by the way?" He asks out of curiosity knowing they never got to reunite with one another.
"She's been doing pretty good actually. She's going to therapy and she's been more active lately. I remember she wasn't doing so great after Lena, but," he pauses, "she's found a way to heal over time."
Aiden nods along, listening intently on his sister's well-being.
"I'm glad to hear that."
Despite Aiden being happy for Nicky, he can't shake off an underlying feeling of guilt with the loss of her daughter. He knows Jackson has helped him through a lot, but every so often, those negative thoughts creep back in.
Aiden may have given up his role as the vigilante, but after spending his entire life with a need to protect, avenge, and feeling immense guilt, he sometimes finds it difficult to let go of his past.
"She wants to meet you by the way."
Aiden's head perks up in surprise upon hearing Jackson's words.
"She does?"
"Yeah. I told her you're in London and that we've gotten along recently. I didn't tell her about the Rempart situation though. Figured that would freak her out."
"Yeah," Aiden says, his lips pressing into a hard line.
"But she says she wants to set up a day to talk to you. I was honestly surprised that she told me that."
Aiden's heart skips a beat at the thought of Nicky wanting to talk to him. Does she want to make amends? Whether if she wants to check in on him, or scold him, he still wants to see her.
"Is that all she said?" Aiden leans foward, wanting to know more.
"Pretty much. She seems ready to meet you, but the real question is are you ready to see her?"
Aiden absentmindedly gazes over the black and white patterns on the chessboard, feeling conflicted. After all of the distance and arguments, could Nicky truly reconnect with him again? With the amount of pain she has to endure because of him, Aiden feels uneasy despite wanting to check on her.
Jacks tilts his head while waiting for his Uncle's response, not paying much attention to the game anymore. Aiden can't form an answer considering the subject to him is just too complicated.
After some thought, he manages to form a response, "I'd like to think so."
"You can be honest with me, Aiden," Jackson says, seeing right through him.
Aiden takes a deep breath before glancing back up at his nephew. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it as he is still awkward opening up about his feelings.
"It's just..." Aiden gently cracks his knuckles, "After everything that's happened, I..."
He stops, his heart growing heavy. He shifts his gaze away from Jackson with shame.
"Hey," Jacks speaks softly causing Aiden to look at him, "I'm not gonna judge you."
Aiden's shoulders loosen at the sound of Jackson's voice and with just one look at him, he feels like he can talk to his nephew about anything. He explored through the depths of his mind afterall, so there would be no point in hiding.
"What if if gets silent? What if while we're talking it gets...tense?" Aiden finally says.
Jacks is quiet for a few seconds before he gives Aiden a reassuring smile.
"I'm sure it'll be fine. Mom has learned to let go over the years, so if anything, she probably wants to talk to you because she wants to make peace."
Aiden nods, having been relieved to hear that, but he still has doubts.
"Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't blame her for still being upset," Aiden clarifies, "but I still worry."
"Honestly, the conversation is going to get tense if you both talk about what happened before, but I'd say it would be good for the two of you to talk about it. Maybe it can help you both heal in a way, so don't worry about it too much, okay?"
Jackson gives Aiden's knuckles a light pat as he sensed his tense body language. Aiden's anxiety still lingers, but his nephew's words do manage to soothe him for a bit. In a way, it feels good for Aiden to get it off his chest. He isn't used to opening up to anyone, so it feels refreshing to him.
"Okay," Aiden replies and gives Jacks a genuine grin. "Thanks, kiddo."
The nickname slips out of his mouth before he realizes it. Jacks is taken aback by the nickname having not heard it in years. A strange sense of familiarity and safety briefly comes over him like he is a kid again.
After realizing what he said, Aiden takes it back. "Sorry, I didn't mean to. It slipped out."
"No. No, it's fine," Jackson shakes his head. "I'll let it slide."
Another moment of silence ensues as they both try to figure out what to say next.
"Right," Jacks clears his throat, "Let's get back to the game."
They continue to play chess without knowing that someone is currently watching.
Clara finds herself drawn to watching the two through her phone. She had made it to Jackson's apartment a couple of minutes ago and figured the best way to see if he was home discreetly was to tap into the ctOS hub on the roof while making sure she is not detected. What she found was not something she expected.
Both Aiden and Jackson are playing chess and judging from what they're saying, their relationship seems to be going smoothly. To her surprise, they both look different. She barely recognizes Jacks compared to the last time she saw him which was at Lena's funeral. Perhaps it's good so he can be harder to recognize.
While taking a good look at Aiden, she can tell he had changed too. His wrinkles and his slight grey patches of hair tells a story within itself. She knows all too well that it's normal to get wrinkles when you're getting old, but the way his beard is grown out and the few scars showing on his face, he must have been struggling throughout the years.
She continues to watch them.
"Checkmate," Aiden says with a smug grin.
"Ah, son of a bitch," Jacks says with a laugh. "You got me."
They remove their pieces from the board and Jacks gets up to put the board back into the box.
"Hey, Jackson?"
"Hm?" He turns towards Aiden.
"Let me know when Nicky wants to talk. We're overdue for a conversation anyway."
Jackson nods with a gentle smile.
"She's usually off during the weekends, so I'll make sure to let you know."
Clara watches Jacks get up and put the box back in his shelf. Once he places it in the shelf, he turns towards Aiden.
"I'm starting to get hungry. I'm gonna have some food delivered. Do you want anything? It's my treat."
She sees Aiden looking to be thinking about it. Jackson crosses his arms.
"It's a really good bar nearby open 24/7," Jackson leans foward and smirks. "They have a strawberry shortcake."
That catches Aiden's attention.
Despite not being hungry, he can't resist such an offer.
"Fine. You've sold me."
"I knew I would," Jacks says before pulling out his phone to make the order.
After some time goes by, they chat about Jackson's college life and any potential friends he's making. As Clara listens, she is aware that she should leave by now, but instead she finds herself drawn to seeing the two interact.
It has been too long since she has seen Aiden and she thinks it's intriguing to see him so relaxed. She feels bad that she'll eventually have to break the news to him that he and his family are in danger.
She pushes those thoughts to the side for now and focuses her attention towards Aiden and Jackson talking away until their food arrives. Jacks goes to get the food and brings it to the table. They sit down and eat.
Aiden savors his cake although he tries not to show it. Clara finds it a little heartwarming and comedic for Aiden to hide his obvious delight for a delicious sweet treat. Eventually, Aiden gets drowsy and he is the first to fall asleep on Jackson's couch. Jacks takes notice and chuckles at Aiden's quiet snoring. Jackson picks up the blanket sitting on top of the couch and rests it over Aiden's sleeping figure.
"Always was a snorer," Jacks speaks softly, but loud enough for Clara to hear before making his way over to his bed.
Without realizing, a small smile reaches Clara's lips at the peaceful sight. Spending fifteen years of her life in captivity with nothing but bloodshed and constant preparation for attacks or missions, the sight of Aiden bonding with his nephew brings her a moment of serenity making her forget everything that happened earlier.
Once reality sets in for her, she knows without a doubt that she needs to help them. Any hesitation she had prior is out the window. She has to help them. She needs to protect them.
She sighs heavily before turning away from the camera. Is she prepared to meet Aiden again?
"Get away from me."
His words echo in her head. She never forgot them.
Regardless if she's ready or not, she has to come face to face with him at some point. Clara is overwhelmed at the thought and pushes it away.
"Alright," she murmurs.
Taking one last glance at Aiden and Jackson sleeping in the apartment, she gets to work on strengthening Jackson's security system with the hopes that everything will turn out alright.
It has to. For her own sake.
