When my parents returned home at sunrise they presented me with a full ice chest. They explained it was because I was going to be out with Bella and our baby for the better part of the day; and they wanted me to be prepared. Which prompted them to give me the red and white plastic, medium-sized cooler. They had it filled with ice and countless insulated baby bottles containing rabbit's blood. They explained that was for Anthony, of course. They wanted to make sure he had plenty to drink to keep him full. So, they made sure to give him what he enjoyed drinking.
As I drove through town with a grocery bag full of many different brands of pacifiers, and the ice chest in the backseat of my car, I couldn't help but grin. I was thankful my parents thought about something I didn't; the eating habits of a hybrid infant. Apparently, little ones required feedings every couple of hours, which I didn't know. Of course, my parents knew and they filled me in.
I was more than grateful about their knowledge of babies as I turned the corner. More or less, I was flying blind because the whole concept of being a father was unknown to me. However, I was learning fast, or trying to, at least. Thinking about my son, and what new challenges of fatherhood the day might bring, I finally made it to the shelter. That's when my mind began to fill with static and everyone's thoughts were closed off to me.
Just as promised, Bella was out front waiting for me. She had a blue stroller in front of her, which she was gently pushing back and forth. The sound of my son crying became louder as I drove closer to them.
My eyes were on the stroller; it was the same color as the carseat that was placed inside it. The shades were up so I couldn't see him, but boy, I could sure hear him. He didn't sound happy. I wondered what could have made him so upset. Unfortunately, his thoughts didn't offer any clues. I wished I knew what was wrong. Bella seemed to need a clue or two as well. She was frantically hushing him as she kept rolling the stroller back and forth, but nothing seemed to help.
Her tired eyes became skeptical when she noticed my car pull up to the curb. My car was different from the one I had in Forks. It had tinted windows, therefore she couldn't see me. She took a couple steps back, pulling the stroller with her as I parked my car and popped the trunk. I grabbed one of the many packages of pacifiers from the bag, then I started to get out of the car.
Bella's brown eyes landed on me after I got out of my vehicle. Her ruby red lips curved into a breathtaking smile as I walked around the front of my car. She seemed delighted to see me and the feeling was mutual.
"Good morning, Bella." I greeted her. Nervous energy surged through me as my fingers of my right hand toyed with the pacifier package I was holding.
"Oh! It's you. I wasn't sure." She breathed a sigh of relief, loosening her grip on the handle of the stroller. "Morning."
"Were you expecting someone else?" I chuckled at her confusion.
"No. I didn't recognize the car." She answered too quickly, a blush colored her cheeks.
"Aha! And here I was thinking you were expecting someone else." I joked and she laughed, sarcastically.
Anthony let out an ear-piercing cry. She turned the stroller around and pulled back the shades, revealing a very unhappy baby. The complexion on his face was a dark pink; his hands were clenched into fists and his feet angrily kicked the air.
"Someone isn't too joyful this morning." I said to Bella, and she mumbled her agreement. Then, to our son I said, "Anthony, I have something for you." I held up the package I had been holding.
Anthony didn't react to my words. Or even acknowledge the item I was showing him. All he did was loudly express his discomfort by screaming. His response was not what I was expecting, disappointment creeped in.
"Edward, don't be discouraged," Bella said, seeing right through me. "He's a little baby and this is the way he responds to most things."
My eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Really?"
She nodded her head yes. "I appreciate you showing up with a pacifier, and believe it or not, he does too. You probably don't know it, but you're a real lifesaver. That little plastic thing," –she pointed to the package in my hand– "will make the day a lot better for all three of us."
I smiled. She always did have a way of making me feel my smallest of actions were huge.
Anthony wailed as I handed Bella the small package that contained three pacifiers. She eagerly ripped it open, took out the first one -a light blue one with a baby bear on the front- and popped it in his mouth mid-cry. He went from screaming to appearing very shocked with wide-eyes, to figuring out he had something he desired in his mouth. Quickly, he began sucking on it and his eyelids slid half closed in contentment. His limbs relaxed as he sucked on the pacifier. Evidently, that was what he wanted, and now he was happy.
His response was funny to me. I laughed and so did Bella as she jammed the remains of the package in the pocket of her jeans for safe keeping.
"You like that?" I asked Anthony as I touched his check.
Anthony's only response was to suckle on his pacifier as he stared into the distance.
"I can't tell you how grateful I am that you bought a three pack." Bella admitted and the electricity between us hummed.
"I wasn't sure what style or brand he would like," I said to her as I took a few steps backwards to my car. I opened the backdoor, retrieved the bag I bought at the grocery store on my way over here, and held it up. "So, I bought two of every kind."
Bella's jaw dropped.
"Too much?" I asked, placing the bag back in my car.
"The way he goes through them, I don't think it's enough." She joked, and then added, "You're a saint. You know that, right?"
I shook my head, not agreeing with the last part. "I doubt that, but thank you."
She closed the distance between us and gave me a hug. The electricity that ran through my body as her lips placed a kiss on my check was beyond words. She moved slightly - in no hurry to pull away from me; I held her tighter. Her breasts were pressed firmly against the hard planes of my chest and her face was tucked in my neck. I couldn't help breathing in her wonderful scent as I placed a kiss on the top of her head, wishing we could stay like this forever. Though nothing lasts forever.
Our embrace ended when a little old woman, who was old enough to be someone's great-great-grandmother came out of the building. At once, Bella introduced me as Anthony's father to the elderly woman. Her name was Evelyn. She appeared to be in her late nineties and was one of the staff members at the shelter. Not having the use of my talent, I had to rely on social cues to get a read on Evelyn. She appeared very nice and nurturing. She told Bella she should look into buying some over the counter medicine called Mommy's Bliss for Anthony. She believed he might have colic with the way he cried most nights. A worried expression painted Bella's features at this news. I quickly reassured her we could find the medication, but first, we would ask my father if it was needed. She seemed more at ease, and I explained to Evelyn that my father was a doctor.
As Evelyn - who was very energetic in spite of her age - and Bella talked, my son enjoyed his pacifier and his mind became at ease. He was no longer fussy.
"I know you're getting ready to go out," Evelyn said to Bella. "But before you leave, I need to know something," Her eyes were locked on Bella and a smirk played on her lips.
"What?" Bella asked, confused.
I waited silently, wondering what this woman might say.
"When you did your chores this morning, did you mean to brew baby formula instead of coffee?" She laughed.
I laughed, too. Bella let out a horrified gasp and began apologizing. Evelyn assured her it wasn't a big issue; mistakes happen with lack of sleep due to a cranky baby. Although, it was the first time in all her years working at the shelter someone made a big pot of baby formula instead of coffee. Bella turned red. She was embarrassed, even though Evelyn found humor in the situation, and sweetly told her it was fine. After that, the old woman turned to go in. Before she reached the door, another staff member came out, asking to speak to Bella privately. Biting her bottom lip, Bella was hesitant. I was in no rush and reassured Bella I would stay right here with Anthony. Taking our baby out of his stroller, she handed him to me and agreed to the staff member's wishes.
After they disappeared behind the glass door leading back into the shelter, I wheeled the stroller over next to my car and sat in the passenger's seat. All the while my son lay comfortably in my arms, enjoying his pacifier as he was breathing in my scent. His mind was at ease and images were making their way to me. He had one thing he wanted, his pacifier, now he was thinking of another: blood. But not the store-bought blood Bella had been giving him from the time he was a few days old. No. He had tasted the good stuff and wanted what he had the night before. He was extremely smart and knew I'd been the one to give it to him, so he was looking to me for more.
"Are you thirsty?" I asked Anthony.
He blinked his eyes a few times and tugged at my shirt.
"I'll take that as a yes." I answered him, even though he didn't actually say yes.
Very gently, I unclutched his tiny hand from my shirt and placed him upright in the driver's seat. I shifted my body so I could reach into the backseat. Quickly, I opened the cooler and pulled out the first bottle I touched, then shut the lid. Holding the solid colored thermos type bottle in my hand, I sat back in my seat and looked at my baby son. His attention wasn't on me or the bottle, which surprised me. He sat there staring at the steering wheel with fascination. His little arm jerked forward, hand reaching out; I knew what he wanted. Silently I promised myself I'd get him one of those miniature cars for toddlers in the near future since he seemed to like cars as much as I did. ThenKnowing he wanted something else besides nourishment at the moment, I put the bottle in the cup holder. A second later, I placed one hand underneath him and the other hand on his back.
"That's called a steering wheel." I clarified, lifting him up.
Inches away from the steering wheel, he reached for it. He didn't need any encouragement to touch it. His hand made a connection. His green eyes became big as saucers as he looked at me when he accidentally laid on the horn. I found this comical, but he was startled. He spit out his pacifier and cried. I brought him to my chest and held him there, speaking words of comfort as I patted his back.
Not many tears were shed from being startled by the loud noise of the horn. However, more fell down his cheeks as the pain of thirst creeped in. I knew this because it was clear in his thoughts that were making their way to my mind. Just as I had the night before, I cradled him in one arm, while I lightly rubbed his throat. He liked that. Once he stopped crying I picked up the bottle, popped the top, and put the nipple to his mouth. He showed his vampiric nature as he literally attacked it.
Like a vampire to his prey, my little guy showed no mercy. He sucked furiously, making eye contact with me the whole time. If he would have had teeth, I had no doubt he would have torn the nipple. At that moment, with that thought in my head, I felt sympathy for Bella. Teeth or no teeth, it must be painful when she breastfed him.
Anthony drank every last drop from the bottle. This time, I did not let him suck on air, since I now knew it isn't something he should do. I removed the bottle from his mouth promptly, tossing it in the backseat, and letting it fall to the floor. Seeing he didn't want anymore nourishment I placed him over my shoulder to burp him. One pat on the back was all it took to get him to let out a loud burp.
At the same time, I praised him for his bodily function Bella walked out of the shelter. Holding Anthony against my chest with his head in the crook of my neck, I got out of the passenger seat. Standing next to the stroller, I couldn't help noticing the expression on Bella's face. It wasn't as joyous as it had been earlier.
Without a word she took Anthony from me and hugged him to her chest. He let out a little whine, not from her holding him too tight, but because he wanted something. Even though I was the one able to read his mind, Bella knew what he wanted. Silently, she reached into her pocket and pulled out pacifier number two. This one was a green one with white stripes on the front. She popped it into his mouth. Once again, he began sucking on it like there was no tomorrow.
Anthony was now at peace. Bella, however, was not.
"What's wrong?" I wondered.
"Nothing. Everything is fine." She said automatically.
"Bella," I stretched out her name without meaning to. "I can tell that's not true. Tell me what's bothering you. Please."
"Of course, you see right through me." She mumbled unhappily.
She didn't say anything more. We stood there in silence, her eyes meeting mine, I began to let my imagination take on a life of its own. Maybe the staff at the shelter didn't want Bella around me. After all, it was my fault she and my son were in the predicament they were in. Or maybe it was worse.
As my mind conjured up what could be worse as the static in my mind lulled, my mind began tuning into hers. Her mental voice began saying what her physical voice wouldn't.
'Kara has something against me. I just know it. How could she say I undermined her last night, and I'm not caring for Anthony properly?' Internally she was livid, though on the outside she was keeping it together.
"What happened? Who thinks that?" I whispered. My tone was displeased.
Her eyes searched mine. For a fraction of a second, confusion flickered across her beautiful features and inside her mind. Then, quickly there was recognition as she understood I was hearing her thoughts.
"Hold on." She held one finger up. "Let me try something."
Wondering what she meant I raised an eyebrow.
Instead of replying she took in a breath as we stared deep into each other's eyes. It was then that my mind filled with inky watercolor images and I was taken aback. This was a memory from a human's mind – Bella's mind.
In her mind, she went over a talk she had last night with one of the staff members. A snooty woman, who couldn't be more than twenty. Apparently, the woman, whose name was Kara, seemed to dislike Bella. Kara pointed out she felt Bella wasn't taking care of Anthony well enough because he cried a lot during the night. Not just last night, but almost every night. This prompted Kara to call Bella into her office and have a long chat with her. Though to me, it seemed more like this woman was on a power trip and she was talking down to Bella rather than talking to her. These memories showed me how horrible this woman was to Bella.
Anger welled up inside me.
The things that were said to Bella were uncalled for. Some of them were even threats. Quickly, the conversation with Kara ended, and she flashforward to what the other staff member told her minutes ago. Apparently, Bella was put on restriction for a week because Kara claimed Bella had undermined her authority, given her some attitude, and talked back to her. It was all untrue, yet, she still had to suffer the consequences. Bella was given extra chores and an earlier curfew. Now, she was only allowed to stay out until seven pm, instead of returning at ten pm, the normal curfew time.
My teeth ground together as I took a step forward, passing Bella. A man walking a dog on the sidewalk hurried past me. Not caring why he appeared terrified, I marched up to the entrance of the shelter; where the love of my existence had not been treated fairly. Before I reached the glass door, I caught my reflection in it. I paused. I was so angry I could be mistaken for a murderer about to go on a killing spree.
"Edward, what are you doing?" Bella asked.
Her voice centered me. I took a deep breath and turned around. Bella repeated her question again, even though her thoughts about what I was planning on doing were half right. She suspected I was going to demand to speak to Kara and give her a piece of my mind. That was on point, though after that, there was no telling what might happen. I was a vampire with a temper after all. And Bella knew this. That much was clear as her thoughts fizzled out and were no longer clear to me.
"I don't know." I admitted.
"Please don't cause a scene." Bella pleaded as she cradled our baby in her arms. "I have to live here, and I don't like confrontation. I can handle this ridiculous punishment. It's okay."
"Are you sure?" I checked.
She nodded her head. "I just want to forget everything; act like it never happened. I just want to get out of here and go anywhere with you." She blurted out.
Her calm words caused my anger to slowly be dismissed. I would not make trouble for my little family; even though that woman who seemed to have it out for Bella needed to be taken down a notch or two. Be that as it may, Bella didn't want me to get involved, so I wouldn't. She also wanted to pretend that none of it happened, so I would try. I would be her Superman in a world of villains, and play along that everything in her world was fine.
"As you wish." I said, giving into her request.
"Thank you." She smiled a small smile.
My feet carried me back to Bella. Anthony was still relaxing in her arms. He let out a yawn, his pacifier falling to his chest. Before he was able to complain I grabbed it and placed it back in his mouth. He was grateful to have it back and his eyes began to close.
"Is it his naptime?" I asked Bella.
She shook her head and placed him in his carseat still attached to the stroller. She buckled him up, then bent down and pulled out her purse and an overly stuffed diaper bag from the basket on the bottom of the stroller. She placed them on the backseat of my car and then her eyes met mine. "No. I think he's finally getting tired. He stayed awake all night long, which means I did too."
"All night?" I repeated. "You never went back to sleep?"
"No. If he's awake, so am I." She explained with a heavy sigh. "Apparently being overly tired caused me to brew baby formula instead of coffee for all the staff members this morning. A few of the staff complained about that." She shrugged.
She laughed and so did I. It was a silly mix-up. Soon enough my laughter died out and I thought of something important.
"How are you going to function today?" I asked, wondering if she'd want to cancel our plans. I hoped she wouldn't since I was really looking forward to spending time with her and Anthony. But if she needed to, I would not protest.
"The same way I do every day." Bella yawned.
"And that would be?" I wanted to know.
"How shall I put this?" She asked in a joking tone. "I'm no longer a 'rise and shine' kind of girl since I have a baby who keeps strange hours. I'm more of a caffeinated, and hope for the best kind of girl."
"So, breakfast with coffee to start your day?" I asked.
"Mtn Dew." She corrected me.
"Nothing like a glass of soda to start your day." I said with a smile.
"Probably a whole two liters of pop." She added, returning my smile. She really looked like she needed a two liter of soda.
Stating she was in need of caffeine, and ready to leave; then, so was I. I wanted to be helpful, but not having the slightest clue of what to do, I stood on the sidelines. I watched intently as she placed the baby's carseat in the backseat of my car and secured his seat with the seatbelt. After placing a kiss on his head, she shut the door. My eyes never left her. The whole time, taking mental notes as I watched what she did. For the simple reason to see how she did it, so I could eventually place the carseat in with confidence. The same thing went for the stroller. I watched how she folded it down with a double click of a button and pulled it this way and that. Once that was done, I placed it into the trunk, then both of us got into our respective sides of the car.
I turned on the car's ignition and the engine purred to life. Anthony sucked on his pacifier. It was a content sound.
"Thanks again for those pacifiers. I'm hoping he falls asleep for a few hours since he now has what soothes him." Bella said this about Anthony as she buckled her seatbelt. "He's been very cranky since the early hours of the morning and needs sleep."
"What is his sleep schedule like?" I asked, shifting the car into drive.
She laughed once. "Basically, it's nonexistent. He takes a lot of catnaps during the day and sometimes in the evening and at night. After each snooze he wakes and is ready to eat."
"That reminds me," I checked my mirrors as I pulled away from the curb. "I have food for him and fed him while you were inside the shelter."
"You did?" Bella seemed surprised.
"Yeah. He had one full bottle. I didn't let him suck on air this time, and I remembered to burp him." I felt very proud of myself, and it was very clear in my tone.
"That's wonderful." She praised me, her hand rested on mine for a moment. Both of our hands on the gear shift.
It was a gentle touch. So gentle. I craved more as she lifted her hand away from mine. There was an overwhelming electrical current in the air. Or maybe that's a poor way to describe it, because it was more like a magnetic pull dragging me in and drawing me to Bella. I had to wonder if she felt it too.
"So… um…. What did you feed Anthony?" She asked me. For some reason, I got the feeling she was trying to distract herself.
"The same thing all hybrid babies drink; blood." I spoke these words without thinking.
"Hybrid…babies…?" Bella echoed in bewilderment. "What is a hybrid?"
"A child born of a vampire and a human. It's what Anthony and others like him are called in my world." I tried to elaborate my explanation without making it too complicated.
For a long beat, Bella said nothing. She just sat there as still as a human could be as she stared out the window. I began to wonder if she heard me until she shifted her weight in her seat and turned toward me.
"When you say there's others like Anthony, you mean he's not the only one who has a human mother and a vampire father?" Her tone was clearly confused.
"Yes. There's others like him. Personally, I don't know any, but my father does." I confirmed. "Centuries ago, when Carlise lived in Italy his good friend Aro became a father to twin hybrids. Carlisle was around to watch them grow up. He certainly knows more about hybrids than I do, and he'll be able to inform you on anything you'd wish to know. He also wants to know if he could give Anthony a checkup when you bring him by for a visit."
"Edward Cullen, are you saying you lied to me?" She confronted me in a hard tone.
Startled not only by her choice of how she phrased her words, but also how she said it. Her tone was hard and it was obvious she didn't even listen to what I was saying, I pulled over. We were now two blocks from the shelter and parked in front of someone's house.
"Lied to you?" I asked. "What are you talking about?"
She took a breath to steady herself. "When we began experimenting… Um, I mean practicing," She quickly corrected herself with the word we had once referred to when discovering each other's bodies. "You always told me there was no chance you could get me pregnant. You reassured me that 'extending your vampire line,' does not work the same way it does for humans." She angrily used her fingers to make air quotes for a phrase I had indeed used back then.
Realizing my mistake I scrubbed a hand down my face. I wasn't meaning to, but I opened a can of worms I wasn't prepared to handle. Well, there was no turning back now. I might as well come clean and tell her the truth.
"I did say that –" I tried to apologize, but she interrupted me.
"You knew this whole time." Anger was clear in her voice, as well as the look on her face. "And you left. You left me pregnant when I didn't think it was possible."
Her voice dropped on the last word. Anger was mixed with sadness and tears gathered in her eyes. Pain so raw and gut-wrenching rippled through my body. I really hurt her in more ways than I realized. I opened my mouth to speak, yet, she wasn't having it. Bella held up her hand to stop me and I quickly shut my mouth.
"I believed you when you said we didn't need protection." She continued in a strong voice. "You were so convincing, and I was so naive. I should have known, even though you are a vampire, you're still a man."
"What is that supposed to mean?" I wondered aloud.
Her eyebrows knit together, making the V appear on her forehead. "Let me guess," she said as anger dripped with each word. "You lied because you didn't want to use condoms. Just like other guys do. That's why half the girls I've met since I've been living in shelters have babies so young. I've heard their stories and know what their boyfriends told them, but what was your excuse?"
I wanted to say I didn't have an excuse, but I didn't try to speak. She was livid. Besides, her question was rhetorical, she didn't want to hear what I had to say. So, I didn't provide an answer. I sat quietly as she began to rattle off possible excuses.
"Was it because it might not feel as good when wearing a condom? Or because you wanted to feel me and not the latex? Or the condom wouldn't fit you right since you aren't human. So what, you didn't even try? Or did you not think two virgins could conceive a baby?" She rolled her eyes.
Over the years, I've heard those excuses in human minds and believed it was foolish to come up with a lie to have unprotected sex. Especially when a fun night ended with a baby and the male had to explain himself. Ironically, that's what I was having to do.
"It wasn't any of those." I admitted. My voice was low and remorseful.
Bella's eyes bored into mine. She was quiet for a very long beat. I sat there unmoving, anxiety vibrating off of me. It was clear she was still upset with me and had every right to be.
"Then what?" Bella demanded in a firm tone.
She wasn't backing down, but I didn't want to fight. Anything I might say would create a fight; I was sure of it. A fight was something I did not want when we were supposed to have fun today as a family. Or friends who had a baby together.
My eyes dropped down as I suddenly found the floorboard very interesting. I felt defeated and had no one to blame but myself.
"I was an idiot." I spoke in a whisper to the floorboard of the car.
"What?" Bella asked, her voice softer.
"I said, I was an idiot." I said a little louder, still not looking at her.
"Are vampires allergic to latex?" Bella asked. Her tone made it sound like a joke even though she was upset. Despite being mad at me she was trying to defuse the situation.
Slowly, I moved my head until my eyes aligned with hers. She was quiet and so was I. Her eyes studied my face for a long beat, and I wondered what she saw. Whatever it was had the anger leaving her features, whereas patience and understanding now was evident.
"No." I spoke honestly. "I'm an idiot because I believed I was sterile. I disregarded the stories I had been told because I'm a vampire, Bella. Essentially, I'm dead. It didn't make sense to me that I would still have sperm – a means to procreate." I shook my head. "I was too cocksure to double check with my father if my way of thinking was correct or not."
Bella didn't say anything. She sat there contemplating my words. Hoping she'd see I was sincere, I took this as my opportunity to add on to what I already said.
"I led you to believe something that was false; since I had believed it to be true. I'm very sorry." I apologized.
"Apology accepted." Bella said so easily. "I'm sorry you feel like an idiot. I don't want you to feel that way because I know how that goes. All this time, I believed he was a miracle. A one of a kind, but that's not true. He's one of many..."
"Every baby is a miracle." I truthfully spoke and added, "He's our miracle."
Bella's features brighten. "True. He really is, but I wished you would have been honest with me months ago instead of lying."
The agony I saw in her eyes was unbearable. My untruth had been the root of her misery. I told her that I didn't know my disbeliefs of certain stories about vampire history, I once viewed as myths, were in-fact truths. If I would have, she wouldn't have suffered so much. But I did disregard the tale of male vampires being capable of impregnating a human female. It was ignorance on my part.
"I did lie. I don't deny that. However, I honestly didn't know it wasn't the truth at the time." I confessed. My voice was low and painful.
Bella raised an eyebrow. "I don't understand."
On their own accord my hands reached out to hers. She didn't pull back as my hands held onto her. Our eyes locked and I began apologizing before I even began. In a sincere tone I explained everything to her: the myths and legends about hybrid children. As well as my own beliefs on the matter, which were far from the truth. She listened to me as I told her everything. Never once did she interrupt me during my confession. I regretted not taking what Carlisle had warned me about seriously.
"Hmm..." Bella said when I had finished explaining myself. "Why would you believe Carlisle - a truthful doctor and man of science - your father no less - would tell you a 'scary story' to keep you from having sex with humans? When you didn't even show any interest in sex and girls before me."
Her words held no anger, only disappointment as her hands twisted in mine. She probably was repulsed by me and didn't want physical contact. She had every right to feel that way. Therefore, I dropped my hands.
"I know." I hung my head. "It was illogical, immature, and downright stupid to disregard what I was told. I regret my decision."
"I don't." Bella said immediately. Her hand came up to my face, creasing my cheek before it lingered on my shoulder. "Even though you basically lied without knowing it, please don't get broody because I regret nothing. Especially becoming pregnant by you."
"You don't?" I stared at her dumbfounded.
She shook her head. "Absolutely not. Because if it were to have happened differently Anthony might not be here. And I can't imagine that. I don't want to."
"Neither do I." I admitted. "I am sorry I never mentioned any of that to you before today."
She nodded in agreement. "As I said, I don't regret anything, but that doesn't mean you're off the hook for keeping the truth from me." There was a mischievous glint in her eyes when she said this.
"Any punishment you deal out, I more than deserve." I let out a heavy breath.
Bella turned away from me. Hands in her lap she looked out the window. She didn't say anything more, nor did I.
A long stretch of awkward silence overtook the atmosphere of my car. Now that our tough conversation was over with, I pulled away from the curb and drove off. I planned to take Bella out to eat and hoped we wouldn't be sitting in complete and utter silence.
"So," Bella spoke slowly after several minutes had passed.
The sound of her voice was good to hear. This also gave me hope. It meant she wasn't about to stop speaking to me for a length of time. I hoped.
"Yeah?" I prompted, looking at her from the corner of my eye.
"You said you fed Anthony when I went back inside to talk to speak to one of the ladies about Kara." Bella inquired and I confirmed. "So, you went hunting?"
There was something in her spoken words that made her sound nervous. Something clicked in my brain at what she might be getting at. If I had gone hunting Anthony would have been alone in my car. Even though I was naive about certain things, I wasn't a complete idiot. There was no way I would leave him unattended in a vehicle.
"No. I have a cooler in the backseat." I pointed my thumb over my shoulder. "It's filled with insulated colored baby bottle thermoses - that way no one can tell what he's drinking. Each contains the liquid he had last night in the woods."
"That's great," Bella said as I drove down the road. She was visibly relieved.
"Yeah." I easily agreed.
"A bag full of pacifiers and a cooler full of bottles with blood." Bella said in an astonished tone. "You're prepared. You've always been that way. Are you sure you weren't a Boy Scout when you were human?"
I chuckled. "No. I wasn't."
My stomach twists itself into a knot. If she only knew I wasn't as prepared as she believed me to be. Would that make her think any less of me? I wasn't sure. But one thing I did know is she wasn't mine to impress.
"Bella, I must confess," I glanced at her as I began. "I did buy the pacifiers and thought of doing so on my own. However, the cooler, the ice, and the bottles full of rabbit blood weren't my idea. I wish I thought of that, but I didn't. My parents did."
"Oh." Bella sounded a bit disappointed. Then in a brighter tone she added, "Well, it's still a fantastic idea. You'll have to thank your parents for making sure Anthony has a meal when he's hungry. That was genius."
I took in a sharp breath as I agreed I would tell them. Before we talked about anything else there was one more thing I needed to get off my chest. "Bella, being a father is out of my wheelhouse. I'm not prepared and don't know what I'm doing. I only learned a few hours ago that Anthony will need to be fed every two hours and now I'm learning he sleeps the most during the day. I'm not as knowledgeable or as qualified to be a father as someone who has walked this Earth as long as I have, should be."
"Edward," Her hand touched my arm, lingering there and sending a wave of pleasure through my body. "I know that feeling all too well. When he was born, I wasn't prepared and sometimes I'm still not. We can learn this parenting thing together. All right?"
"Sounds good."
I eyed her hand on my arm. Part of me wanted her physical touch to never end, but the other part of me knew that was wishful thinking. All too soon her fingers brushed my arm, and she placed her hand in her lap. We were both quiet as I drove and Anthnony was too; the movement of the car had put him to sleep. Not having a way to use my talent on her, I couldn't say what was going through her mind. However, in mine, I was trying to figure out if that touch was flirtatious or not. Because it didn't really feel like something a friend would do.
Each passing second electrical energy charged between us like a lightning bolt. My right hand twitched, wanting to hold hers. I quickly placed it on the steering wheel. With all my might I willed my hand to obey and be good. I would not make a move without her permission, and she wasn't giving that right now. For all I knew this magic pull and the powerful energy was all in my mind and she wasn't feeling the way I was.
Bella cleared her throat, breaking the silence. "You know, when you said you were picking us up, I assumed you were bringing your car. Not this one." Her tone had a sexy edge to it.
"This is my car." I looked at her from the corner of my eye. Bad idea. All I could think about was kissing her. My eyes darted forward, and I willed myself to not focus on that.
Her heart was beating fast. "Why didn't you mention you had a new car?"
I shrugged. "It never came up."
"Of course not…" She mumbled, her words trailing off.
"Do you like it?" I asked.
"Well, yeah. It's a nice car." She ran her left hand along the door frame.
"Thanks. It's an Audi S5 Coupe." I enjoyed saying what kind of car it was since I doubt she'd know. "Carlisle picked it out and purchased it, but Esme had chosen color. She said mint green would be a nice change of pace since my cars are always silver." I shrugged.
She nodded her head but was otherwise silent. It took her a few minutes to utter, "What happened to your Volvo?"
I let out a deep breath. "Burnt to a crisp. It had too many memories to be able to keep it." I explained as we came upon a traffic light that had just turned yellow. Seeing the two cars in front of me weren't moving, I slowed to a stop.
What I said was the truth, but a difficult one to admit. As much as I loved my Volvo, I couldn't stand to drive it after we moved. It held too many memories of Bella and I. I was unable to drive without those memories flooding my mind. It was making me depressed. Therefore I couldn't drive it and had no use for it. I took it to an empty field, soaked it in lighter fluid, struck a match, and watched my vehicle burn.
At the time, I assumed it would be far better than keeping my Vovlo and remembering my relationship with Bella, but it wasn't. Seeing my car go up in smoke did not give me the closure I was hoping for. Just the opposite, and it made most of my family members believe I'd gone mad. Though, I didn't. I just missed Bella and the flashbacks I would get when I would sit in the driver's seat were too much for me to cope with. Some of those memories were very intimate and happened in the backseat, and others weren't of that nature, but I still didn't want to think about any of them.
"We sure did have a lot of good memories in that car." Bella glanced in the backseat then looked at me.
I nodded my head, but didn't reply.
There was no mistaking our child was conceived in the back of my Volvo. The very car we lost our virginities in and had so many fun times. It was also the car I set on fire in hope to free my mind from missing Bella and reminiscing about the times we shared.
The light turned green and I stepped on the accelerator. On the many times I drove through town I had seen this red barn style cafe on the outskirts. I'd heard they served the best pancakes. Even though I had no way of knowing - since I don't eat - I was hoping that was true because that's where I was taking Bella.
It didn't take us long to get there. When I found a parking spot and cut the engine, I didn't get out right away and neither did she. That gave me time to shift my weight in my seat and pull out my wallet from my back pocket. At the very same time she reached in the backseat and grabbed her purse.
"I'm buying breakfast, and whatever else we do today is on me." I clarified, pulling out a red prepaid debit card. "But this is yours."
Bella eyeballed that card so hard her stare practically put a hole in it as her heart raced inside her chest. Her facial expression was smooth, and I wondered what she was thinking about. I was nervous she wouldn't accept it.
"I want you to have this." I said when she did not speak.
"Thank you." She swallowed hard.
It was surprising to see there was no hesitation when she took the card from me. I explained how much money I had given her and that it wasn't only for the time Anthony was born, but also for the time she was pregnant. Even though that wasn't usually how child support worked, I was creating my own rules and giving her money to compensate for all her hardships from the moment she was alone and found out she was carrying my child. I thought it to be only fair that I added payment for that too. She peered at me stunned but didn't protest that the amount was too much. Her eyes filled with tears as I told her how much I would be giving her monthly from now on. By the time she tucked that card in her wallet behind her EBT card, and placed it inside her purse, she was crying.
"What's wrong?" I wondered in a soft tone.
"I can't put into words how much I appreciate this." She choked out. More tears fell down her face.
At that moment, I realized these weren't tears of sadness, but of gratitude. I pulled her in for a hug and she melted into me.
Bella's head rested on my shoulder as she continued to cry, getting my shirt wet, though I could care less. Whispering words of hope and promise, I held onto her with one arm and stroked her hair with the other hand. All the while, our baby slept in his blue carseat as we sat outside a pancake house. He was blissfully unaware that his overly exhausted mother and his newly found father were having a moment. We were locked in a loving embrace, making memories in my new car.
