AN: Hey all! Sorry, this is a little later in the evening. I had a surprise bachelorette girls' day thrown for me today and just got home! Also, did I mention we are actually traveling to Seattle for our wedding? So, I'll be embodying my FSOG fan girl. I love it in Seattle but actually haven't visited since getting into this fandom as most of my trips were when I was younger. I have been SO looking forward to posting this chapter. Prepare yourself for your first taste of Fifty being a Father. Enjoy! Thank you all for your continued support!

Christian POV

"Christian." My mother acknowledged as I stepped in the room.

"Mother." I offered in return.

"Rowan and I were just finishing the last part of Green Eggs and Ham, care to join us?" My mother asked, studying me as I stared at the little girl.

"Sure." I offered.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't really want to read a children's book, but at some point, I'd have to figure out how to interact with the child, especially if I was supposed to take her home and parent her. How the fuck was I supposed to do that? What was I supposed to do with a four-year-old girl, especially one with so much trauma?

"Sam! If you will let me be, I will try them. You will see." Mom read in a somewhat funny voice, using a fake accent for the character.

"He's going to try them?!" Rowan sounded amazed, my mother was beaming.

"Let's see." My mom smiled as she flipped the page. "Say! I like green eggs and ham! I do! I like them, Sam-I-am! And I would eat them in a boat, and I would eat them with a goat…"

"He LIKES them?!" True amazement from the little girl.

"And I will eat them in the rain. And in the dark. And on the train. And in a car. And in a tree. They are so good, so good, you see!" Mother continued. "So I will eat them in a box. And I will eat them with a fox. And I will eat them in a house. And I will eat them with a mouse. And I will eat them here and there. Say! I will eat them ANYWHERE!"

"HE WILL?!" Rowan truly seemed so fascinated by the story. Had she never been read to?

"I do like green eggs and ham! Thank you! Thank you! Sam-I-am!" Mother finished the story and Rowan was smiling so wide for a minute it was easy to forget she had been horribly mistreated. Big dimples added to her bright smile. I found my own lips twitching up, involuntarily. Her smile truly was contagious.

"Wow! Can we eat them too?" Rowan asked my mother.

"Sure, I think that can be arranged." Mother agreed with a smile.

"Daddy?" Rowan asked me.

It took me a minute to collect myself enough to answer her. That word. That name.

"What is it Rowan?" I asked her, trying to make my voice soft.

"Do I get to live with you now?" She asked.

"That's the plan." I agreed.

"Do you have books?" She asked nervously.

"Some." I agreed. "And we can get more."

"Do they have pictures? The ones I've read never did." She explained.

"You know how to read?" I asked.

She nodded. "It's what I did for fun. Mommy said it makes me talk like a grownup though…she said I use…uhh…I think it is supidated words?"

"Sophisticated?" I supplied.

"Yeah! Sophisticated. She said once I started talking, I never stopped. I didn't want to talk when I got here, but then I met Dr. Grace, and she was really nice. She showed me a book with pictures." Rowan explained.

"What books did you read before?" I asked.

"The encyclopedias. We had them all! I made it all the way to "R"." Rowan looked at me nervously. "I hope you have the rest! I read the dictionary too."

The encyclopedias and dictionaries were what she did for fun?

"What toys did you have? What did you like to play with?" Mother asked her.

"Oh…umm…only good girls get toys. I have trouble being a good girl.

She has trouble being a good girl? This sweet, child who reads dictionaries and encyclopedias for fun has trouble being good? I doubted that.

"I do like dinosaurs. I had a toy dino once but he took it away." Rowan sighed.

He? Who was this he? He was the one who had most likely dished out most of the abuse to my child. I wanted him found and I wanted him dealt with.

"Who is he?" I asked, earning a small glare from my mother.

Right…I wasn't supposed to ask questions like that. Rowan had to open up for the integrity of whatever legal things would happen on her behalf.

"I'm tired." She told us with tear filled eyes.

"That's okay, Darling. Why don't you get some sleep?" Mother offered as she reached out, trying to brush the hair from Rowan's face. Rowan flinched back and my mother's hand dropped. "I'm sorry, Darling. I didn't mean to frighten you."

Rowan bit her lip and curled up with her bunny, facing away from us in the bed. I sighed. I really had tried to view her as any other little kid since walking in the room. She was acting mostly normal. The thing is, she's not normal. She's faced horrors no person ever should, and she's still not even five. I watched as she clung to that bunny, eyes growing heavier, soon drifting off.

"Christian, what did social services say?" My mother asked softly.

"I have to pass a home study tomorrow but then upon discharge, she comes home with me." I explained.

"Do…do you want to come stay with us for a bit with her? Or have us come stay with you to help? I know this is going to be difficult. Outside of figuring out how to parent a child who has been through difficult times, I know this has to bring back bad memories for you." She explained.

"We'll manage." I disagreed.

"Who…who was her mother? The hospital staff said she took her own life…at your home?" Mother watched me.

"She was…no one. A fling really." I lied. "I had no idea she was pregnant."

"A fling?" She asked. "Your face is giving away that she was more than that to you."

"A friend." I supplied. "She was a friend. I cared for her. The way she allowed her daughter to be treated though, it's hard to continue caring now."

"Your daughter, Sweetheart. Rowan is yours too." Mother offered.

"I doubt her mother did this to her. I want to figure out who did this and hold them accountable." I supplied.

"They will…but Christian, until they do a forensic interview, you can't ask too many questions. I see it all the time, courts and attorneys will say someone led the child to disclose things. You have to be patient. Let her talk to you, but don't dig in for answers." Mother offered softly.

"She's intelligent. I mean…most four-year-olds don't speak so…sophisticated, right?" I asked.

"She does seem rather advanced. Don't let the higher level of intellect fool you though, she still needs to develop emotionally. High intellect does not always equate to emotional maturity. She'll have a lot of catching up to do. Remember that she is only four."

"M—mom. I have to admit. I'm afraid." My words surprised me. I had never said something like that…to anyone.

"You'll be alright. You both will. Dad and I will help you. You'll have all the resources to get every tool in your toolbox to help her. It'll be okay." She assured me. "Not easy, but okay."

"I need to get back to Ana. I've not had a chance to respond to her. For all she knows, my jet went down or something. She's probably worried." I offered.

"Ana really does seem like she's been good for you. Don't push her away now."

"I can't ask her to take on motherhood." I shook my head.

"Just give her time, Christian. Time to figure out what she wants and what she can be for you and for Rowan. Don't push her away while she takes that time. Anyone would need time to think."

"You'll stay with her while I step out?" I asked my mother.

She smiled in return. "I will."

I stepped out of the room and found an empty hallway. I had so many messages from Ana. Instead of emailing back, I opted to call her.

"Christian?" She answered on the first ring. "I've been so worried. Is everything okay?"

What did I say? This wasn't exactly the news I wanted to break on the phone. I didn't even know how to tell her.

"I'm sorry Ana, I came home rather abruptly to handle a bit of a family emergency that has preoccupied my time. Everything is okay…just a bit consuming." I explained.

"Family emergency? Are your parents okay? Kate didn't say anything about Elliot, is it Mia?" She asked.

"They're all okay. Ana…I need to talk to you about something, about what this is, but I think it would be better discussed in person." I explained. "When you get back Friday, we'll talk more. I may be a bit less responsive than usual, it's not anything against you, just the situation at hand."

"Christian, I'm worried. I care about you, and you're kind of freaking me out." She explained, anxiety rising in her voice.

She cares for me? That's nice. All at once, that foreign feeling she gave me, that had been absent all day, stirs and expands in my chest. Beneath it is a well of pain I don't want to acknowledge or deal with. It tugs at a lost memory of a young woman brushing out her long, dark hair…

Fuck.

Don't go there, Grey.

"Christian?" She asked again.

"Ana, we'll talk more tomorrow evening when you arrive." I assured her.

"Are you breaking things off?" She panicked.

"No…no that's not it. I promise you." I told her.

The thought of not having her stirred another feeling in my chest. A more familiar one given the day's events. Fear.

The fear itself made me frustrated. Get it together, Grey. You could not be this attached to her.

"Okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

She seemed upset. I should probably reassure her, but I didn't have it in me. If I started that up, my own emotions would catch up. I couldn't do that right now.

"I'll look forward to it. I'll have Taylor pick you up."

There was silence. Maybe I handled this all wrong. I left her with too much room for interpretation. Her mind could be in a million places. Before I had a chance to explain more she spoke again.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She offered and then the phoneline was dead.

Usually hanging up on me wouldn't bode well, but given the situation, flexibility was required. I sighed and returned to Rowan's hospital room.

"Christian, I don't want to leave, but I've been here nearly 24hours straight. Would you be okay with her while I go home to sleep? I'll be back in a few hours; I just need some rest and to shower." My mother offered.

The truth was, being alone with Rowan for the first time terrified me more than anything else this day had, but my mom was only human and needed rest. I knew she wouldn't be asking if she wasn't utterly exhausted.

"We'll be fine." I agreed. "Go get some rest."

"What…what would you like me to tell your father?" She asked.

"Whatever I supposed…just don't tell Mia or Elliot yet. I want Ana to hear from me before she hears in a roundabout way from Kate." I decided.

"I'm sure he'll want to visit." She supplied.

"Fine." I agreed.

"Darling…do you need anything right now?" She asked.

Whisky probably, but I wouldn't tell her that.

"No, I'll be fine here. I'll see you in a bit."

And with that, she left. I stared at the sleeping little girl in front of me. How the hell was I supposed to be her father? I knew nothing about raising a child. I was everything that a child didn't need or want. How was someone like me, someone who wasn't even capable of showing love to his own family or romantic partner supposed to make and help a child feel safe and loved? What the hell was I supposed to do?

"No!" I heard a small whimper.

I glanced up. She was still sleeping.

"NO! NO!" She called out, heart monitor beeping rapidly.

A nightmare. What did I do? When I had them, being woken by someone usually frightened me more. How did I help and not scare her?

"NO! STOP! NO!" She sobbed in her sleep.

Get it together, Grey. Do something here.

"Rowan!" I called calmly, but loud enough I hoped to pull her out of her sleep without touching her. "Rowan, wake up. You're having a nightmare."

"NO! PLEASE!" She cried.

"Rowan, wake up!" I called again.

"NO!" She sobbed.

"Rowan!" I called again, this time caressing her little cheeks. "It's okay. You're safe. Wake up."

"NO!" She cried.

"Rowan, Baby, open your eyes." I practically begged with her this time.

My words seemed to do something. Tear filled; terrified eyes shot open. She stared at me as tears began to flow down her little cheeks. Her body was shaking rapidly. Sobs raked through her chest.

"Baby, you're safe." I whispered. "You're safe, no one is going to hurt you."

She stuck her thumb in her mouth, her body tensing up. She looked so confused. She seemed overwhelmed, like she didn't even know what to do in this situation.

"You're safe. I'm right here." I promised her. "No one will hurt you while I'm with you."

"Daddy." She whimpered, reaching her trembling little arms towards me.

What did I do? Did I hug her? Did I hold her? I had never held a child…not since I was a boy myself and held Mia. Did I even know how? Before I could continue thinking about what to do, I found myself reaching for her, pulling her into my arms, her little head resting on my scar-covered chest. I didn't panic at her touch. I knew she couldn't harm me. It felt safe. My chest did feel ready to explode…pint up emotions trying to get to the surface. I wouldn't show them though. I couldn't show them.

"Sing?" She whispered.

Sing? Leila was a beautiful singer. Perhaps that was the comfort this little one knew. I never sang…not in front of anyone. How could I deny her though? The one thing she had asked of me, how could I deny her?

The only song I could think of was the one my own father sang to me when I had nightmares as a boy and he'd try desperately to help.

Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monster's gone
He's on the run
And your daddy's here

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful girl
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful girl

I began, changing the word boy to girl as I sang. I felt her begin to relax in my arms.

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day, in every way
It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful girl
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful girl

Out on the ocean, sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we'll both just have to be patient

She began to twirl away with the sleeve of my shirt, the way I assumed she would be doing with my hair had I had long hair. She was calming down. Sobs were now tears, breathing steady.

'Cause it's a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes, it's a long way to go
But in the meantime

Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful girl
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful girl

Tears diminished. Breathing slowed. Eyes began to flutter. She was nearly back to sleep.

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day, in every way
It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful girl

Darling, darling, darling
Darling Row
Good night, Row
See you in the morning
Bright and early.

And as the final verse came to a halt, she lay peacefully in my arms, sleeping. Her head rested on my chest, right above my heart. The slow and steady pace keeping her in a deep, safe, slumber.