Chapter 55: Closure
It was only 10:30 in the morning, and Millicent had already fixed breakfast, walked Allie to school, checked on Nathan, more times than she could remember, and in between, made all of her telephone calls to Montreal and Toronto.
She had already called Archie and Sophia yesterday, who were ready to immediately hop on a train to Hope Valley, but Millicent assured them that wasn't necessary unless they just wanted to make the trip to see their Son.
But the logistics of where they would stay were troublesome, as Nathan insisted he didn't want them staying at the Saloon with everything that was going on.
After much discussion back and forth, Nathan's parents finally decided they couldn't do anything that Millicent wasn't already doing, other than offer their love and support, and since the little rowhouse was already bursting at the seams, they'd call a couple of times each day instead.
"Another reason, we need a bigger house, Love!" he had reminded his Fiancee.
In addition to all that, Ned brought a few grocery items over, some cured meats, dried fruits, and nuts that Florence insisted would be good for Nathan to snack on, and a huge bouquet of flowers, along with some good news!
"Millicent, Chad McCaliffe's surgery is scheduled this coming Monday! And Nancy is thrilled. The whole family is leaving on the train for Union City this Sunday. Whatever you said to them when you delivered those clothes must have made all the difference!"
"That's wonderful news, Ned! I'm so pleased."
Millicent was actually thrilled with that news, still not saying anything as to her real part.
And never would.
That was something she never divulged to anyone.
It was private between her and Nathan and the McCaliffes' and would always remain so.
She was also very pleased to see Ned, so she could personally explain her list of telegrams containing all their Wedding Planning Details which needed to be sent as quickly as possible.
"I'll send all these when Florence does her errands this afternoon. My wife is wonderful, and I love her dearly, but all these details would be very hard for her to keep to herself. Besides I want her to be surprised at the Wedding, too!"
"Thank you ever so much, Ned! Sending these telegrams somehow makes our Wedding feel very real!"
Millicent walked Ned to the door.
"You call us if you need anything at all. Florence is working on the Food Chain, and I do know she's already got all of today covered. So, no worries there!" he smiled as he waved goodbye. "Tell Nathan, we're praying for him!"
"Thank you, Ned! For everything! And thank Florence for us, too!"
Millicent waved at Tom, Matt, and Lance who had been in deep discussion on her front porch, until they stopped long enough to say goodbye to Ned.
"You three, along with Kyle, plan to eat your meals here, as there's going to be plenty of food while Nathan heals!" called Millicent.
"Only if you let us clean up!" negotiated Tom.
"Normally, you know I'd say no. But I truly want to spend every moment I can with our patient, so Gentlemen, we have a deal! Oh Tom, did you think to call about changing our Reservations for the Train? I completely forgot."
"Already done. Took care of it as soon as we got home yesterday. It's not going to be a problem. The suites are ours whenever the Chief is well. But, Miss, if it's okay with you, I took the liberty of combining my suite in with your suite. The Chief had already discussed it with me before…all this. And he was pretty adamant that with everything going on, he preferred one of us to be inside your suite with one outside."
"I suppose with the...with all this, that's wise. You're the best, Tom. Thank you for taking care of everything! And now, I need to run and make sure Nathan is okay."
Nathan had had a restless night and went to sleep as soon as Faith had completed her visit.
So far, fingers crossed, no nightmares.
But as Millicent turned to go back into the rowhouse, she had a horrible thought.
'Just because Nathan hasn't screamed out, doesn't mean he hasn't had a nightmare or isn't having one!'
And she raced up the stairs to check on him…
But as she quietly opened his bedroom door, his eyes were closed, and he appeared to be sleeping peacefully.
She let out a sigh of relief without even thinking.
As she turned to leave, not wanting to disturb him, he called out to her in a low voice.
"Don't you even think about leaving me, Counselor…"
"Oh, Darling, I didn't want to," and her radiant smile told him she would never willingly leave him. "I thought you were still sleeping and didn't want to disturb you!"
"Come to me…" he grinned.
She happily sat down beside him and wrapped him in her arms, as best she could without hurting his shoulder.
"You feel so good. I'm pretty sure if you just hold me, I'll get well extra fast!"
"Nate, no nightmares?" she bent her head back so she could look him in the eye.
He shook his head no.
"Not this morning, Love!"
"That's wonderful news! Oh, I have more good news! Chad McCaliffe's surgery is scheduled for Monday, and the entire family leaves for Union City on the train this Sunday!"
"That is good news…but you have more, don't you?"
"I do. I've completed my list of calls, and explained all of our needed Telegrams to Ned, who is going to transmit them when Florence is on her errands, so our Wedding Plan secrets are safe! Oh, and Tom has held our Train reservations for whenever you get well, and he took your advice. If you really think it's necessary, he'll take your room in my suite."
"I'm sorry, Darling. But I do think it's best for now. I should have discussed it with you first and planned to, but then this happened. Are you okay with that?"
"I'm okay with whatever you think is best."
"What else do you have to tell me, Love? I can tell there's more!"
She laughed.
"You know me too well, Darling! Richard is giving me Hudson! Who is the brightest and best of his entire crew. And I'm so excited! He's the very one I would have chosen, had it not been greedy! Richard says he's doing it because Hudson's the only one good enough to help me grow my practice, while I'm away. Which I'm sure is true, at least partially! But I finally got it out of him, that Hudson's parents live in Montreal as well, and he was itching to return!"
"Still, it sounds like it's a big sacrifice for Richard to lose him. I'll have to remember to thank him in a big way."
"Richard's worried sick about you, Darling! So is everyone! If they were all to visit, I think our house would have to be a hotel to hold them all!"
Nathan chuckled.
"See, I told you we needed a big place! You know, Mil, I can't believe I get to spend time with Richard again, during our summers at the Farm! We're going to enjoy that Lake for sure!"
"And the River here! But you, kind Sir, better be excited to spend your summers with me…your future wife."
"Oh, that goes without saying. I get deliriously giddy just thinking about that, my Love!" and his lopsided grin was on full display, along with his twinkling eyes. "But you're giving me two brothers and a sister, too. And I love that!"
"You and Richard have always been brothers, Love!"
"Yes, we have. And this is why I'm going to be very cautious at our Wedding. I love him, but don't trust him as far as I could throw him! And I could throw him, you know."
"I have no doubt. At least when your arm is better. You boys! But very wise, indeed, my Fiancee, to be leery of my eldest, I mean elder Brother! Nathan, are we going to be able to pull everything off? There's the Wedding and all that entails, the Practice, the Foundations, and the Charities. And don't forget, we've got the Farm, or should I say Ranch, to spiff up before summer. It's an awful lot."
"Let's see, we'll have a Farm of sorts here in Hope Valley, so I guess by default the property north of Montreal becomes the Ranch so we can distinguish the two! Throw in building a house on our land, here, and yes, I suppose it's an awful lot. But if anyone can do it, we can, Love! I think we're just going to have to use our resources, trust the people we hire, and make it all happen. I worry though that most of it falls on you. Are you still sure we should spend winters here in Hope Valley for Allie?"
"I am sure, Darling. Call it maternal instinct or whatever, but having been here with her, I'm even more sure than ever. She's entirely too young to make a decision like that. I am glad she's excited about coming to Montreal for the summers, though. And I was wondering if she would be able to stay with Richard and Margaret during our Honeymoon? That way she could do her lessons along with their tutors, too, and not get behind in her schoolwork. What do you think?"
"Then she could come back to Hope Valley with us when we return from our Honeymoon. I love that idea! We come back as the Grant Family!"
"I think that will really make her feel like part of the Honeymoon. And I'm sure Richard and Margaret will love having her, to say nothing of her new cousins, who will be beyond thrilled!"
"Then let's tell her this evening! That will give her something exciting to look forward to after the Wedding and while we are actually gone on our Honeymoon, Millicent Bradford. Except then, my Darling, you will be Millicent Bradford Grant."
"Mrs. Nathan Grant. That is music to my ears!"
He chuckled.
"I can't wait, you know!"
"Neither can I!"
She bent to kiss him, tenderly caressing his face.
But he was feeling better, and reached for her, pulling her to him, causing both of them to laugh, till their laughter was completely stopped by their kisses.
"This…can't be good…for you…" she chided.
"This…is…very good…for me! In fact...it's therapeutic!"
She laughed once more.
"Oh, it is, is it? You, my Love, are definitely getting much better!"
"What? Did you think I forgot how to hold you?"
"Never! Just thinking it might take a while before you could! But as usual, you amaze me!"
"I love you," he said it so intently, with his sparkling eyes boring into hers so much so, that she could feel his words echo in her very soul.
"I love you so completely, Nathan. I think I always have, but this…our new reality...this is beyond anything I could ever imagine! You're already the best part of me."
"You are the best part of me and don't you ever forget it! Everyone who's met you knows that, unequivocally."
He took both her hands and raised them to his lips, and kissed each hand tenderly, in pure adulation.
"Without you, I'm nothing. You complete me in every way, Mil. You being here, helping me get well means everything to me. And I know you have a million things to do, but you're here with me, sitting up nights, fixing my food, changing my dressings, giving me my medicine, taking care of Allie. You're doing it all. And it means the world to me. I adore you, Mil and I'm so very thankful to God for you."
"It's the exact same for me you know. If the situation were reversed," she started. "Or…"
"God forbid that…" interjected Nathan, with an anguished look on his face.
The look on her face was one of complete love, combined with total understanding because she was feeling the same about him already being in this scenario.
It was very hard on her to see him injured.
She had not yet adjusted to walking into his room and not being a bit startled at his condition, although she covered it very well.
"Or...if I needed you in some other way," she continued. "You'd be there for me. I know it. And that means everything to me. It means the world!"
He was caressing her face with his fingertips, all the while looking intently into her deep emerald green eyes, drawing his fingers lightly over her rosy cheeks and down to her chin, where he cupped it and raised himself to kiss her despite the pain, which he completely ignored.
But she could feel his body tense because of his shoulder, although his luscious lips were anything but, so she immediately, pulled away, even though it was the last thing she wanted to do.
Instead, she quickly kissed him once more, then fluffed his pillows, and helped him to lay back comfortably against them, placing an extra pillow under his injured arm.
"Thanks, that feels so much better," he moaned.
She was blushing, as she reached for the book on his bedside table, which amused him, that he could still cause her to blush so easily, just like he could when they were growing up together.
But my, had she changed! She had always been beautiful, even as a child, but she had blossomed into this stunning woman who turned heads wherever she went.
He was astounded at times at her beauty.
And was often struck, almost overcome, as though he was seeing her for the first time over and over again, but he always went back to the essence of her which was defined by so much more than her outward appearance.
The Millicent he knew and adored.
The very best part to him was that she seemed oblivious to all the attention she received because of her looks!
But he made a mental note, it was now part of his new job as her partner, to make her always feel as beautiful as she actually was.
And that was a lot of beauty, a very tall order, indeed.
But he was up to the challenge...
Oh, how he adored her!
But she had been right to pull away from him, as the pain to his left shoulder was intense, and he knew he needed to rest it.
So, she opened the book and read to him instead from his favorite book of poetry that included some well-known quotes.
Her eyes lit up as she read the page, she had opened the book to.
"This one's for us, Darling…"
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in: forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day: you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." – Ralph Waldo Emerson. (*36)
She folded the book almost closed and laid it in her lap with her finger still holding the spot.
"That's exactly what we're going to do, Nate. This…your shoulder was a blunder and an absurdity that crept into our lives unwelcomed, but as your body heals, our hearts, our minds, and even our dreams are healing from the pain, as well. In ten days' time, we will have a new day, and we will face it serenely together and with too high of a spirit to be encumbered with any of this old nonsense. We will be stronger, my Darling, for having gone through this, both individually and as a couple."
He smiled through his pain at this beautiful, intelligent woman who though so young, was full of wisdom.
She was her Mother's daughter, at one with God, herself, and with life.
Her strength made him stronger, just as his strength made her stronger.
They were better together.
Their very best selves.
And then it dawned on him.
Nathan had always been comfortable in his own skin, even when going through the most horrible of trials, he knew who he was, and he had never once wavered.
Short of moving through the tragic loss of Colleen together, Millicent had gone through trials of a much different sort, but Nathan knew better than anyone, that they had been no less problematic.
She had tunneled through them, as unique as they were, and she had not only survived them, but she flourished in spite of them, perhaps even because of them, carving her own way in life.
Like him, Millicent was now also comfortable in her own skin, at peace with her circumstances, at one with her own mind and purpose.
And this gorgeous woman, inside and out, had opened herself to be fully his, sharing all that she had with him, not even giving it a second thought, her only concern being for him.
Their trials, including this one, although it was difficult to admit right now, were what made them the loving, giving people they were.
Millicent was right.
They would come through this ordeal stronger.
Nathan would be a better Mountie, a better Chief Inspector, and perhaps even a better Husband, while Millicent was learning the realities of becoming the wife of a Mountie.
They would be stronger professionals because of this, and yes, perhaps even stronger individuals, but more importantly, they would be a stronger couple, having weathered this particular storm together.
"Thank you, Mil."
"Whatever for?"
"For your conviction, your wisdom, and most of all for your love. You've changed Allie's life in a way I could never imagine. That smile hasn't left her face since you arrived! And the locket you gave her hasn't been unlatched once."
She motioned, as though she had done nothing, but he stopped her…
"You've changed MY life in ways I could never imagine…all for the better."
"Even with the nightmares?"
"Even with the nightmares, my Love. I'd take a million nightmares if it meant I had you."
Their kiss deepened into a blending of souls, till both were spent and totally at peace.
"You will be my Wife, Mil. And I cannot wait to be your Husband."
She touched the edge of his jawline, that rugged jawline she adored that was etched in her memory, as was the cleft in his chin, and the cheekbone above it.
"Will you be nervous, Darling, with all the people? At our Wedding, I mean."
"Not at all. I will only have eyes for you, my Kalie. I will be counting the seconds till you come down the aisle, and after that, time will stand still as we say our vows one to the other. And that will be the same if there is one person there or six hundred!"
She smiled as she nodded in agreement.
Then they sat silently with each other, as no words were needed.
They had already done the hard work, the mental work, of getting through this.
Now, they would continue to go through the physical mechanics of making it all happen, making him well again, together.
They had just gotten control of their present, and in so doing, had reclaimed their glorious future.
But their moments of privacy together were soon abruptly interrupted…
Promptly at half-past eleven a.m., there was a loud knock at the door.
"I'll go get the door, Love," and Millicent reached to kiss his cheek.
She pushed back the wisps of hair falling from her hastily wrapped French Twist, as she briskly walked down the stairs, wishing they could have spent more time alone, just enjoying each other's company together.
There hadn't been a lot of alone time, and she simply cherished every moment they had together.
But she put a smile on her face, and opened the door…
"Elizabeth! Charles! Do come in…"
"We're sorry to be interrupting you, Millicent. We're sure you have plenty to do taking care of Nathan," said Charles pointedly.
He was carrying a basket filled with various goodies from the Mercantile, which he handed to Millicent.
"Thank you both. This is lovely. Yes, we have quite the schedule. But do come in and have a seat. May I get you some tea?"
"Yes, please," smiled Elizabeth, as she handed Millicent the bouquet of Peonies she was carrying.
Millicent smiled back at her, not sure what to think.
"Thank you, Elizabeth. These are beautiful. I'm sure Nathan will enjoy them!"
But, truthfully, Elizabeth's visit was somehow not at all unexpected.
"You two make yourselves comfortable and I'll go put the kettle on," and she left them with her arms full, to do just that.
"Elizabeth, I told you this was a bad idea. The man has been shot. He's undoubtedly on medication, and to that, you add dressing changes and basic care. Well, it's a lot for both Nathan and Millicent to go through! To say nothing of the stress that comes along with being shot."
"Nathan will want to see me, Charles. He will expect for me to come and check on him."
"I still think we should have waited. It's only been a little over twenty-four hours, Dear!"
"Charles, I know what I'm doing, and thanks for being a Sweetheart and coming with me," and she smiled up at Charles, who as usual, melted.
"Had I known earlier, I would have had us to come yesterday!"
Although Charles's smile was followed by a look that clearly said he still thought this whole visit was ill-advised, he was hoping deep within that this visit would somehow give Elizabeth some type of closure.
He knew the woman he loved thought she was in love with the man lying upstairs.
How could he not?
That fact had been obvious even in Hamilton.
But the Constable didn't seem like an option to him, as although unknown to Elizabeth, Charles had also seen the Montreal Sunday paper at his Office.
The one with the many Engagement Photos of one very handsome Couple, which was followed by a thick magazine-like insert full of one beautiful picture after another.
What he saw was a Couple deeply in love, and he would bet money there was nothing and no one on this earth that could shatter it.
Their love was a living, breathing thing, seeping through the pages holding the images; why, it was palpable, almost tangible!
That was the kind of love he had had with his wife. She had been his everything. With her, the pain of losing Elizabeth had ceased to exist, but now his wife was gone.
And the pain of that loss had seared into his being.
But now, Elizabeth was back in his life again…
Ironically, it was Monday, the day the Montreal Sunday Papers arrived in Hamilton, that was also the same day Elizabeth had proposed to him, over the phone no less.
William Thatcher had been in his Office but quickly exited to give them privacy when he realized it was his Daughter on the other end of the line.
Charles knew he was being used, and even surmised Elizabeth had just seen the Newspaper too, but he did still love her, and although he had lost out once to Jack Thornton, Charles Kensington, III, did not intend to lose out again.
No, this time he would go the distance, and he would do everything in his power to make Elizabeth Thatcher Thornton fall in love with him, once and for all.
They were in each other's lives again for a reason.
Charles was sure of that.
"Closure," mused Charles aloud. "An act or process of closing something according to Mr. Webster. Elizabeth, you and I need to experience closure on several things…" (*37)
"Not now, Charles!" she instructed as Millicent came back into the room to sit with them while the water boiled.
"How are you liking Hope Valley, Charles?"
"I think it has business potential. Needs a little shaking up perhaps," he chuckled. "But the people I've met, including you, Nathan, and the Coulters, have been very nice. And for that, I'm most grateful."
"We wish things were different, so we could have given you a more appropriate welcome. Please forgive us for that."
"There is no forgiving necessary, Millicent. Charles has been busy with his work, and I'm sure you have been quite busy…" Elizabeth's voice petered out as she realized it was Millicent was busy taking care of Nathan and not her, but she couldn't even acknowledge the words, much less say them.
"Elizabeth, are you planning to go back to teaching?" asked Millicent trying to be congenial.
But even with this, Elizabeth took offense.
"I haven't yet thought about it," she snipped. "That will all be decided later. I suppose after our Wedding."
"Are you planning a large Ceremony?"
"Well, it's Hamilton. Which means lots of family friends that can't be left out. So, yes. I suppose it will be rather large. The Ceremony will be held at my Parents' Estate."
"A lot of William's and my Business Associates are planning to attend as well," explained Charles, sounding not at all sure about exactly what was going to happen. "Oh, so sorry Millicent. William is Elizabeth's Father and my Business Partner."
"How lovely! This way everything is kept in the Family, so to speak," smiled Millicent. "There's a lot to be said for that! Family is everything! Oh, there's the kettle. Please excuse me."
"You don't have to give her our entire history, Charles."
"I wasn't, Elizabeth. You are making a grave mistake by not even trying to be friends with her. She's extremely nice and is much more socially experienced than us. She's a very stunning, elegant, most interesting person. And although her Mother rules Canadian Society, she is a very close second."
"Well, I'm glad you're impressed," Elizabeth said the words in a cutting tone, but when she realized it, she apologized.
"I'm sorry, Charles. That was uncalled for. She is nice and she is more socially adept than us. And yes, I know, she is the Belle of all Society Belles. I just…"
"Can't accept that she's with Nathan? That doesn't say much for me," he answered his own question in a low voice.
He took her hand, and she softened for a moment, but as soon as Millicent walked back into the room with Tea and Biscuits, she swiftly pulled her hand away.
Millicent noticed.
And Charles noticed, too, but covered for her by shifting his weight to the edge of the Settee and reaching to help Millicent serve the Tea.
"Millicent, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble. I'm sure you'd much rather be with Nathan."
Now, Millicent was much too cultured to even make any remark at all related to that comment, so she just patiently smiled instead, and poured their tea.
"I remember it's Honey and Cream for Elizabeth. Charles, how do you take your Tea? Sugar, Honey, or Cream?"
"Two lumps of Sugar please and just a splash of Cream!"
"How is Nathan," asked Elizabeth.
"Faith says he is doing as well as can be expected for the short time since the…"
Millicent stopped.
She just didn't have any desire whatsoever to even say the word.
"We are working through the lessons this has brought us. We can also see the end of the tunnel, and we're keeping our eyes on that. Nathan will fully recover, thankfully," noted Millicent.
"That's great. That's the important thing," agreed Charles.
"Millicent, I'd like to go up and see Nathan while you and Charles have your tea."
"Of course! I'll check to see if he's still awake. His Morphine causes him to drift off from time to time."
But as Millicent got up to walk up the stairs, so did Elizabeth…
As they reached the top of the steps, Millicent knocked lightly on the door, wanting desperately to prepare him.
"Come in, Darling!" called Nathan from inside.
As she opened his door, Nathan was smiling, until he realized Elizabeth was directly behind her, but both he and Millicent were determined to be cordial, as was noted in their joint glance.
"We have company, Love!"
"Elizabeth…"
"Nathan, I'm so very sorry about all this."
"Here, please have a seat, Elizabeth," and Millicent pointed to the chair beside Nathan's bed, the same one she used to sit in all night long, keeping watch over him, so he wouldn't turn on his injured arm and undo the healing process.
"Thank you, Elizabeth."
"Nathan, you look pale," she commented, seeming to be a little surprised, although both Millicent and Rosemary had warned her.
"Yes. But I don't think as much as before."
"His color is actually much better," agreed Millicent. "But he does have a way to go!"
Elizabeth looked up at Millicent.
"I don't mean to be rude, but Nathan, I'd like to speak with you alone for a moment."
"You can say anything you have to say in front of Millicent. We don't have secrets between us, Elizabeth."
Millicent moved to the other side of the bed.
"Darling, Charles is downstairs alone," she graciously explained. "If you're alright, I'll go tend to our guest and give you the privacy Elizabeth has requested."
"No, Darling, I want you by my side to hear whatever Elizabeth has to say. What is it, Elizabeth?"
Elizabeth's face turned bright red, as Nathan reached for Millicent's hand.
She hadn't expected this at all.
"I just…I just…"
And then there was silence.
Dead silence.
"I wanted to know the details. Of the shooting," she improvised having had an entirely different discussion planned.
"I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I don't wish to discuss that. It happened, and I'm trying to move on."
"Oh, of course. But I do want us to be friends."
"We want that, too, Elizabeth. But you do understand, to remain a friend to me, includes a friendship with Millicent."
It was a statement, not a question.
"Nathan, that isn't necessary," interjected Millicent.
"Oh, but it is, Millicent!" and Nathan was firm in this. "You and I will soon be Husband and Wife just as Elizabeth and Charles will soon be Husband and Wife. And, just as I couldn't be a true friend to Elizabeth without being a friend to Charles, it is the same in our situation. Elizabeth can't be a true friend to me without being a friend to you, as well."
His words cut through the mirage Elizabeth had concocted.
She had come thinking there was still a chance, and yet Nathan was making it very clear there was no chance whatsoever.
He was even taking the extra measure of letting her know to maintain her friendship with him, required her to be a friend also to his Fiancee, Millicent, as he, in turn, would be the same to her Fiance, Charles.
It was a fair exchange, even an admirable, honorable one, but one that completely took her off guard and cut Elizabeth and her misplaced dreams to the core.
Millicent would have much preferred to have not been in the room, as it was beyond awkward, and that had never been her intent.
Sadly, it wasn't Nathan's intent either.
Yet here they were.
But Millicent also understood, Nathan was standing up for her, for them, and deep in her heart, she knew it was necessary, more for Elizabeth than anyone else, as she had to truly move on if she were to ever be happy and live a fulfilled life.
Nathan, better than anyone, knew this.
And Millicent's heart filled to overflowing with selfless love for her Husband-to-be and his wisdom in tackling this difficult situation.
Theirs was a kind of love she longed for Elizabeth to someday have with Charles or whomever she chose.
It was simple really, instead of focusing on self, focusing on others would change everything, and give Elizabeth the chance to love again. To love her own Child, and her dear old Friend, as well as his adorable Daughter. Why couldn't she see it?
It dawned heavily on Millicent, that like Elizabeth, she sensed Charles had also lost his great love too, the young Mother of his beautiful Child.
And Elizabeth certainly wasn't the only person in this room to have known tragedy.
Elizabeth was breathing heavily, and suddenly the tears started pouring down her face.
"I know I'm not supposed to say this. And I'm sorry, Millicent. But I love him too. It's you I love, Nathan."
There was desperation etched on Elizabeth's face.
Both Nathan and Millicent were stunned into silence.
Not that they didn't know it already, but stunned that she would openly admit it in their presence.
How do you help someone you care about who is so misguided?
"Pray, forgive me, Millicent," and Nathan's eyes implored of her to do so in advance for what he was about to say, not wanting to hurt her in the least.
Then he turned to Elizabeth.
"Elizabeth, I begged you to love me over a three-year period, and you did not. You couldn't even go to dinner with me. It's not possible that you love me now. Not after everything we've been through. Perhaps you are just realizing that you can love again after Jack. But it's not me."
"Have you been talking about this to Rosemary?" she asked curtly, through her tears.
"You know me better than that, Elizabeth."
"She said the exact same thing."
"Rosemary and I have not discussed this."
Millicent was silent, as badly as she wanted to help Elizabeth, she knew it wasn't possible.
This was up to Nathan.
And despite his convalescence, he was holding his own, and giving this his all, in his own calm, quiet, unique way.
"Don't you see, Elizabeth, what happened between us is one of the best things that ever happened for both of us, if we will only let it be. Searching my heart after all the pain, made me realize it had always been Millicent in my heart and will always be Millicent in my heart. But, Elizabeth, the way I see it, I was a bridge, unwittingly a bridge of pain, to make you see you can love again, despite your thoughts that you can't. You might think you're in love with me, but you aren't. If you were, nothing could have kept us apart during that three-year period. I know that now because there is nothing in this world that could keep me from Millicent. Is Charles the one for you, Elizabeth? Or are you going to lose him, too? It's a pattern only you can change. Do you want to keep dying inside or do you want to live?"
She was sobbing, and Nathan, still holding Millicent's hand, reached his other hand for Elizabeth's.
"You are strong, Elizabeth. And Jack was strong enough to want you to move on with life. Can you do it? Or are you going to fail him too?"
Her eyes darted angrily at him, but he stayed firm.
"You have two choices: continue to die bit by bit or decide to love again. It's your choice, but you need to think about Little Jack. What do you want his life to look like? Do you want him to grow up without a Father? Do you want Eliza Jade to grow up without a Mother? Do you want Charles to live his life without a Wife? Do you want someone else to be his Wife? We're all expendable, Elizabeth. You know that better than anyone. Jack was a good man, but he's gone physically. You will always have your memories. Beautiful memories. But you have to live again, and it's not with me."
"But it was supposed to be with you!"
"And yet, you never allowed it."
She knew he was right.
How had she possibly messed everything up so horribly? Could she truly live again? Love again? Be happy again?
"Do you think I can?"
"I know you can. The question is, will you? You hold all the power. All the keys to the future are right there in your hand. What do you choose? Do you choose for you and little Jack to be alone, or do you choose to take a risk and love again?"
Taking a risk. Was all of life a risk? Had loving Jack been a risk?
Yes, Nathan was right, loving Jack had been the biggest risk of all, yet she had gladly taken it.
And here she was risking something again.
Something that was very precious to her.
She was risking Nathan's friendship.
And in that moment, she knew she couldn't live without him.
If it was only as a friend, she still needed him in her life.
"I'm so sorry, Millicent. I'm so very sorry, Nathan. I've been horrible to both of you, and in disrespecting your relationship, I've disrespected both of you. Please forgive me."
"You are already forgiven Elizabeth," whispered Millicent.
Elizabeth looked at Nathan.
"Just as Millicent said, you are already forgiven. We both love you, Elizabeth, and just like Bill, and Rosemary and Lee, and so many others, we want the best for you. We want you to be happy again."
Nathan's voice was calm and although weak, there was a strength to his words.
Elizabeth sat, trying to stop her tears.
"I don't know how?"
She was looking at Millicent, begging another woman to show her how to proceed with her mangled life.
Oddly, it was the woman who loved her best friend, the man she had loved in spite of herself, perhaps even more than Jack.
But now, it was finally clear to Elizabeth he was no longer available to her in that capacity.
"Love is always a risk, Elizabeth. From what you've told me, with Jack, you had a great love, which means you, better than anyone, know what it is to love completely. To me, that only means you already have the foundation to build another great love. It's like Nathan said, you just have to make the decision and do it. Then everything will fall into place."
"Do you really believe that?"
"I not only believe it, I know it. I didn't know if Allie would accept me as her Mother, or the Townspeople would want all the drama that follows me, or even if Nathan could handle all that comes with being a Bradford. But I loved Nathan with all my being and that made me brave enough to take all the risks. With him, with Allie, and with all the people of Hope Valley."
"Elizabeth, Millicent is upending her career, her Foundations, her Charities, her Home, and even leaving her Family, all for me. And I will cherish her for being willing to do that, to give up everything and take a risk with loving me. I wanted us to be based in Montreal, but she realized we needed to be here too, at least part of the year for Allie. And she made me see that was the right decision for us as a Family. So, it turns out that although upending her life is not what I wanted, it's Millicent who is the one making the sacrifices, and taking all the risks that go along with that choice. Everything is a risk, Elizabeth."
"I thought the risk of you being a Mountie was too much and here look at the two of you. How are you getting through this?"
"We love each other, Elizabeth, completely. We trust each other. We laugh together. We cry together. And we're there through hard times for each other. Always have been and always will be," explained Nathan patiently. "Yours and Jack's love is not the only great love, and I mean no disrespect. But just like us, you too can build another great love, Elizabeth, if you are only willing to try."
"Are you happy with Charles, Elizabeth?"
"I haven't let him in…"
"Yet you've agreed to marry him. There must be something very strong there," nudged Millicent gently.
Elizabeth's eyes widened, realizing for possibly the first time, the importance of Millicent's words.
She had not only agreed to marry Charles.
She herself had proposed to him.
Was it just retaliation over Nathan and Millicent's Engagement, or something more?
She felt comfortable with Charles, she was at home with Charles, and like Nathan, she couldn't imagine him not being a part of her life.
Not now, that they were both widowed.
Their friendship had just picked up again from the point they left off.
Like nothing had changed, although literally, everything had changed.
But ironically, since Elizabeth had returned to Hamilton, neither had mentioned the other's spouse.
Charles had tried to talk about his Wife, several times, as her death had devastated him.
But she had cut him off.
Which was hardly fair, as Charles had listened to her go on and on about Jack over the years since he had been gone.
She had to change this.
Could she let Charles walk away?
Because she knew he was close to doing so.
Did her love for him mean something more than old friends?
"Charles is a good man," said Elizabeth out of the blue surprising herself. "It wasn't an easy decision between him and Jack."
"I believe that, Elizabeth. In fact, I like Charles! I liked him when I first met him," complimented Nathan earnestly.
"I do too, Elizabeth. I don't know him well, but he seems to be such a Gentleman and seems genuinely kind. He also seems to be so good with the Children. You can tell he adores both Eliza Jade and Little Jack!"
"Here you aren't even a Mother, and I am, yet I hadn't even noticed that about him."
"A correction, Elizabeth. I may not be a Mother legally, yet, or by birth. But I am 100% Allie's Mother in my heart. Never doubt that. That Child is a part of me already. I would give my life to protect her if need be."
Nathan smiled as he was so proud of her for speaking up and setting the record straight.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply…it's just I meant that I hadn't noticed and should have. I'm a Mother and a Teacher. And I, of all people, should have noticed. I am trained to do so, yet I failed to see it right before my eyes. I failed miserably with Allie, too. And you both need to know I will never forgive myself for the way I treated that Child. There was no excuse whatsoever to have brought her into my adult problems."
"There was no excuse, Elizabeth, and I will always blame myself for allowing you to do that, but it's all forgiven and forgotten now. We both could have handled all that much better."
"That is very gracious of you, Nathan. Thank you for that. I hope someday I can really make it up to Allie."
"Just be happy. I think that would help her more than anything to see you genuinely happy, Elizabeth," suggested Nathan.
"I agree. She loves you, Elizabeth, but she's a Child, and it's going to take her a bit of time to work through this, although we're working on that very thing. I know deep down, she loves you and wants things to be good again between you. I'm helping steer her in that direction as much as I possibly can."
"Thank you for that, Millicent. She needs your guidance to get over a hurt instilled by another woman, a person in authority over her, who should have known better. Would it be alright if I perhaps wrote her a note?"
"Why don't you wait till after the Wedding?" suggested Nathan. "She's adjusting to a lot with all this, and it might just open up old wounds right now."
"Of course. This conversation wasn't what I expected at all, but I do appreciate your frankness. I also knew a long time ago, I think as soon as I saw the two of you together that very first time, that the two of you loved each other in a way that was very different from my love. Your love for each other is selfless, and somehow, all I've been able to manage is to muddle in my own self-pity and call it love. Please forgive me. I'm so embarrassed."
"No, Elizabeth, don't be. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Just be happy," urged Millicent. "Talk to Charles. Really talk to him about everything."
"I will. I suppose that's a conversation that's long overdue. You are very gracious, Millicent. I don't think if I were in your position, I could be as gracious," and Elizabeth got up to leave.
"Elizabeth, wait. Why don't we pray," offered Nathan softly. "The three of us together."
"Really?"
"Yes," answered Nathan unwaveringly. "I think it's important."
He was still holding Millicent's hand, and he again reached for Elizabeth's hand.
She moved toward the couple, giving Nathan her hand, and the three of them bowed their heads together, as Nathan led in prayer.
"Dear Father, we go through so many things in our lives that are so difficult for us to understand. Some even impossible. But we know You always have our best interests at heart through them all. We ask that You take our friendships and grow them into something very special. And we ask most of all, that You will help Elizabeth find her way to happiness and joy. As You have done with us, put her pain behind her into a safe place, a place that will no longer bring her tears, but joyful memories, and help her live again, love again, and build a new life for both her and Little Jack. Millicent and I will help in any way that is needed, but we all know that Your help is needed most of all. Give her strength, and wisdom in her journey to be able to love again, fully, without reservation. And make her whole again. In your most Holy Name, we pray, thanking You in advance for the bountiful blessings we know are coming into Elizabeth's and Little Jack's lives and also for the bountiful blessings You've already brought to Millicent, Allie, and me. Amen."
Both Millicent and Elizabeth said 'Amen.'
"For the first time in a very long time, I feel lighter, and I thank you both for that, from the bottom of my heart."
Elizabeth first went to embrace Millicent, and then asked her, "May I?"
"Of course! Just be careful of his shoulder," smiled Millicent.
Nathan hugged Elizabeth as he had hugged Colleen many times in the same way, and he knew, with this, he had done everything he could do to help her.
It was now up to her and God.
It was closure yet again to past hopes that no longer existed, and it was an opening into a new set of friendships that had previously included two people but was now, due to a very wise Fiance, expanded to three.
And possibly even four…
(*36) Quote, Ralph Waldo Emerson, May 25, 1803 – April 27, 1882, Public Domain
(*37) Definition of Closure, A Compendium Dictionary of the English Language, Noah Webster, 1806, Public Domain
