Yotsuba POV 2
Yotsuba's eyes sting. Her feet hurt from running in school uniform shoes.
The swing creaks as she shifts her feet. She ran all the way to the park. Her park. The one she brought him to on their date. She often comes here when she feels down. It took all of her stamina to run here, so she knows it's impossible for Fuutarou to run so far.
I hope Fuutarou isn't upset. I hope he changed his mind and went to another room. I hope it was Miku. She needs him the most. But if it's Nino, there would be less fighting between us. I wish we could all be happy.
Why did he come to my room? Does he really think he has to pick me because of that day six years ago? We just spent one day together. Surely that memory isn't as special to him as it is to me. It can't be. Especially since I broke the promise.
"You didn't break the promise."
Yotsuba flinches at hearing a voice behind her.
"Sorry I kept you waiting. I couldn't run all the way here like you can, so I had to call a cab," says Fuutarou.
"Wha-" Yotsuba twists around while seated in the swing. The park is very dark, lit only by a distant streetlight. Her eyes are blurry from crying. Her head is pounding from running and crying so much. She sees a blurry silhouette, but its voice sounds like Fuutarou's voice.
Is this a dream? How could he be here? I got away. Did I fall asleep on the swing?
"You didn't break the promise, Yotsuba. Don't you remember it? Don't you remember what we said?"
"O-of course I do-" Yotsuba blurts. Her voice is shaky.
"We promised to work hard and make good grades to help our families." Fuutarou approaches cautiously, as if he is trying to avoid spooking a timid animal.
"May I sit?" Fuutarou asks. The only response is a sniffle.
As he sits down onto the swing next to her, she notices that he is exhausted. He isn't completely out of breath, but she can tell from the way he is moving that his legs are nearly giving out. His eyes are red and puffy. And he has something in his hand. Something long and green. It's her ribbon. He still has her ribbon in his hand.
"You did fulfill our promise" says Fuutarou. "I know because I watched you do it. You worked incredibly hard in the past year and a half. I was there every step of the way. You worked harder than any of your sisters. I have never met anyone in my life that works harder than you. So don't tell me you didn't keep our promise. Idiot. If anyone should be guilty about six years ago, it's me. I didn't recognize you. I have been looking for you all these years, and yet you were right in front of me and I couldn't recognize you. Not at first. But you recognized me right away, didn't you? Even though I changed my hair color and everything."
"Uesugi-san, I'm really happy that you came here to cheer me up. But tonight, you were supposed to choose who you want to be with. I lied to you. If you figured out that it was me six years ago, then you know that I have been lying to you the whole time. I screw up everything, and I screwed up tonight too. I ruined it for everyone. My sisters-"
"Yotsuba, I love you."
Yotsuba freezes, her mouth partially agape. She can feel her heart starting to pound out of her chest. Her face feels like it's on fire. Her stomach is in knots. It feels like the strength is draining out of her body.
I don't understand. What is happening? Maybe this is really a dream. This could never happen in real life. I must have fallen asleep in the infirmary, and dreamed that Fuutarou came to my room.
"I have had feelings for you for a while. I'm sorry it took me so long to sort out my feelings. That day, last year, when I woke up in your house, and my head was in your lap…you said you liked me, then said it was a joke. I thought my heart was going to explode. I think that's when it started, though it took me a long time to understand what those feelings were. I have been thinking about that time a lot lately. I keep thinking 'What if you weren't joking? There's no way that can be true.' I know how Miku and Nino and Ichika would respond if I went to their room, so it was really scary when I chose to go to your room tonight instead. In fact, I'm terrified right now."
Fuutarou slides out of the swing onto his knees. He shifts over through the pebbles to kneel in front of Yotsuba, who is still sitting motionless in the swing. He locks eyes with her and she can feel her face getting hotter. She feels exactly what Fuutarou described: it feels like her heart is going to explode.
She fights the urge to look away, to break eye contact. She succeeds. But she can't fight off the intrusive thoughts.
This is wrong. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be happy.
Fuutarou deserves someone better. He shouldn't choose a braindead klutz like me.
He is making a mistake. He is letting his nostalgia mess up his decision making.
Yes, the Kyoto girl was me, but I'm not that girl anymore. Since that day, I have done nothing but screw up.
"Uesugi-san," Yotsuba says weakly, almost in a whisper, "you shouldn't make a decision like this based on memories of a day six years ago. That was then and this is now."
Fuutarou reaches out and grabs the chains of her swing. She notices his hands are trembling almost as much as hers. His face is close enough now that she can see his amber eyes even in the dim light of the distant streetlight. She can see now without a doubt that he has been crying too.
It can't be me. This is wrong. It can't be me. I don't deserve to be happy apart from my sisters. I lost the right to that. I don't deserve to be happy.
Fuutarou takes a deep breath before he speaks.
"I have felt this way about you before I started to get the feeling that you were the one I met six years ago. That memory and that promise doesn't change how I feel about you now. Your sisters are amazing. I care about them a lot. But if it wasn't for you, I would have faltered a long time ago. You have been by my side since the beginning. You were always my favorite. So please-"
Stop. Fuutarou, stop. You are making a mistake. It can't be me. I'm immature, I'm stupid, I'm unsexy, I'm annoying. Stop saying these things. He must be saying these things out of pity, to cheer me up. He is kind. I don't deserve his kindness.
"-trust me, Yotsuba. Please trust my judgment. Trust that I have thought this decision through. When you kissed me under the bell-"
"You knew?!" Yotsuba blurts.
"Yeah." Fuutarou briefly breaks eye contact out of embarrassment. "It took me a long time to figure out that you were the girl from six years ago. And even then it was just a vague hunch. But when one of the Itsuki clones tackled me under the bell and kissed me, I knew right away that it was you. That moment will be burned into my memory for the rest of my life. That's when I was finally able to realize that you are special."
No.
Stop.
I can't be special.
Please stop.
I can't be the special one. When I tried to be special, I ruined everything.
"It was the way you run," says Fuutarou. "And the face you make when you're deeply embarrassed. But more than anything, I knew right away because of how strong you are."
He knew! He knew I did it! I probably stole his first kiss against his will. That was basically sexual assault. He should hate me. I can't believe I did that. How could I do that? How could I falter like that? I tried so hard to get rid of my feelings, but that day I lost control. I screwed up his life again. He should hate me. I'm sure he hates me.
"I'm sure you hate me," Fuutarou says in a weaker voice. "I'll leave you alone. But first, I have to know how you feel. Please…please just tell me how you feel. How you really feel. Then I'll leave you alone."
I don't deserve to be happy.
I can't be special.
I can't love you.
I don't deserve to love you.
I have to hate you.
It's the only way.
For my sisters' sake, I have to hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
Tell him.
I hate you.
Just say it.
I hate you.
I hate you.
SAY IT!
I hate you.
I hate you.
"I…" Tears begin gushing down Yotsuba's cheeks as she struggles to speak. As she clenches her eyes shut and leans forward, the tears drip onto Fuutarou's face.
I can't say it.
I can't.
I'm too weak.
I can't lie to him.
"I love you."
Yotsuba was always terrible at lying.
"I have always loved you."
