So Long and Goodnight

written by: albe-chan

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction and I do NOT own Harry Potter or any of the characters mentioned, I am making no money from this, and any similarities with real life are purely coincidental. This work will contain MATURE THEMES, such as coarse language, mature subject matter (scenes containing graphic sex, non-consensual sex and sexual acts, nudity, etc.), and mildly graphic violence. Please, if you are not over the age of 18, or of majority in your country, DO NOT READ THIS! You have been warned!

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Chapter Three

When they'd gotten married, Lily had wanted, despite her young age, children, and quite badly. Thaddeus had patiently, and practically, told her there was plenty of time still, and as they were both young, him being only four years her senior, they would be smarter to wait and enjoy married life before they even thought about babies. Lily had, after a year, been grateful that Thaddeus had wanted to wait, although she still longed for a baby and children, because marriage was more than enough of a challenge. By the time she'd had her fourth anniversary, Lily had changed her mind, and while her body longed to nurture and carry life, her mind was pleased that her husband had wanted to solidify his career by reaching the coveted goal of Editor before they even thought of procreating.

Lily didn't want to bear any children of Nott. She knew her mother in law and husband would warp a delicate, malleable thing like a child into something she would loathe, and it would be yet another tie to her husband and his family she'd have to sever if ever she wanted to leave. And after Scorpius had asked her that afternoon, if she truly wanted to leave, Lily knew she could never risk getting pregnant by Thaddeus. He'd let her go, maybe, if he could have their child, and Lily knew she'd never be able to bear that, any more than she could bear staying with him forever, enduring his temper and fury, and possibly subjecting her child to a similar fate. And the redheaded witch had been certain that, because of the Daily Prophet's notorious lack of retirees, the chances of her husband being named Editor any time soon were slim.

But now that he had been promoted, and achieved his goal of being among the coveted Editorial staff at the Prophet, he would undoubtedly set his next goal on siring a pompous, perfect little heir for his family. And because she didn't share her change of heart on wanting children with him, Lily didn't imagine he'd want to wait any longer. He was nearing thirty, after all, and while they were both still young, she was positive Thaddeus wasn't immune to the snide hints his mother had been dropping since his father had passed the year before about maintaining the family line and name. It was, after all, his duty as a pureblood of one of the noble Twenty Eight families, to sire a son and heir. Lily felt like she was going to be sick, despite not having eaten a single thing all day.

She flinched when Thaddeus squeezed her hand, shaken from her shocked stupor and her musings. "This is the part where you say congratulations, Lily," he said icily, and Lily blinked, setting her fork back down.

"Congratulations," she breathed, and reached to cover his hand that was holding hers almost too tight now with her free one. "I always knew you'd be Editor before thirty," she added, forcing her lips to curve upward in a parody of pleasure. Inside she wanted to cry. Because now that his ambitions at work had been reached, Thaddeus would certainly turn his ambitions to his home life. And Lily didn't know, after all the years and the too many to recall moments she'd been struck by her husband, if she'd be able to stomach him returning to their marriage bed with vigor.

It certainly explained his actions thus far tonight, she mused. Why he'd been so complimenting and attentive to her. And if that was only the tip of the iceberg, Lily didn't know how to handle what would come later. She'd gotten used to loneliness in the last year of her marriage, and to think that now Thaddeus would be there, as often as it took for her to get knocked up, made Lily uneasy. Her husband would undoubtedly, if she knew him at all, be bent upon a child, and she had no doubts he would conquer the challenge of fathering a child through any and every means necessary like he'd done with his career, and she'd have to pretend to be thrilled all her supposed dreams were coming true. Because Lily had no doubts should she admit she was no longer inclined toward children, Thaddeus would be angry, and wouldn't hesitate to demonstrate his displeasure upon her.

"You don't seem excited," he said, the very faintest hint of malice behind the softly spoken words. Lily gasped and clutched the back of his much larger hand with her free one as he gripped her right hand in a tight, painful hold.

"I am," she said instantly. "I'm just speechless," she said. "It hasn't sunk in yet." She licked her lips, trying to think on her feet and be smart. She smoothed her hand up his arm, ignoring the painful hold he hand on her hand, and forced herself to smile wide and delightedly once more. "I can't wait," she said very softly, looking up into his brilliantly blue eyes, seeing the hardness there soften ever so slightly, a tiny hint of the man she fell in love with shining through his cold, pureblood mask. "You know this was what I always wanted when we got married, and I just can't believe it's happening," she added, then held her breath as her husband regarded her critically.

To her undying relief, he smiled, his gaze softening, and released her aching hand that she instantly put in her lap. "You're welcome, honey," he said graciously, and the redhead gritted her teeth at the condescension in his tone.

"Indeed, Lily, dear, you should feel quite privileged, as I myself did," Cordelia cut in, and her son glanced at her, as Lily picked up her fork once more and mechanically took her bite of food. "Let us hope you're up to the task of carrying on our proud family name, though if you come from Weasley stock, I've no doubts you'll easily pop out a half dozen children should my son desire them."

Lily tried not to let her revulsion at that idea show, even as Thaddeus laughed. "Not quite, Mother. I should imagine one or two would suffice."

Lily forced herself not to react, even as Thaddeus and his mother spent the rest of dinner talking of the future, speaking of Lily like she wasn't present and theorizing whether their children would resemble their father, which was to be hoped for, and arguing over suitable names for babies Lily couldn't fathom and didn't remotely want any longer. In her mind, she was replaying her afternoon conversation with Scorpius, and the expression he'd worn when he'd told her, baldly and with honesty in his eyes, if she wanted to leave, he would keep her safe.

Now that Thaddeus had been made Weekend Editor, Lily knew her life was bound to be far more complicated if she stayed. But the thought of leaving was almost too much to bear even considering. She had married her husband for better or worse, and she had to know she'd given her marriage her all. And the fear of the unknown, living without Thaddeus after so long, was scary to her. She'd met him just out of Hogwarts, her first intern position at the Ministry, and married him at nineteen, and never truly known adult life without him by her side. No, she couldn't just up and leave, and she wouldn't. She was in it for the long haul, and Lily had no intentions of quitting now

Lily decided that she would give her husband the benefit of the doubt, she'd try one last time, even though part of her felt like it would be a waste of time, like all the others. But she wouldn't stop trying so long as she believed the man she loved was inside Thaddeus somewhere, and until she knew her Thad was well and truly gone, Lily would stay. Even if Scorpius and all the rest didn't understand and hated her for it.

After dinner and dessert, Lily excused herself to see to the washing up. She knew, from experience, her morning would be shite if she didn't get to the dishes soon, because everything would be a stuck on nightmare to deal with by hand. And she was positive the three House Elves the Nott family employed, grudgingly, were forbidden to assist her, even to soak them. Although she sometimes found that after large parties, the dishes would all have magically fit in a massive tub of hot water, soaking before she got to them. She never mentioned it to a living soul, and nor did the smallest Elf who was behind the thoughtfulness, for which they were both secretly grateful.

Lily was just finishing up the silverware, feeling tired, her feet aching in her heels, looking forward to the thought of bed, when a pair of warm hands slid over her hips and a very male chest, warm and solid, pressed against her back. And for one traitorous moment, Lily, tired and focused on her task, imagined it was Scorpius who was behind her, and she melted back with a content sigh against him, eyelids fluttering closed.

"Why don't you leave the rest of that, take a night off, and come upstairs with me," her husband said in a low, husky voice against her ear, and Lily's eyes snapped open abruptly. His hands moved up her sides and around, cupping her breasts, rolling her nipples through her clothes far too roughly for her sensitive flesh, making her squeak.

"I really should-" Lily breathed, heart rate spiking but not from arousal, even as her husband pulled her close from behind, his strong arm effectively locking her against him.

"The Elves can finish, honey," he said firmly, and Lily gulped, knowing what would be expected of her. She turned in her husband's embrace and lifted onto her toes to kiss him, closing her eyes, hating that her mind strayed to other, more pleasurable to kiss wizards, and she couldn't help but wish she was snogging Scorpius Malfoy instead of her husband. "Come upstairs with me," he grunted, at last breaking away, having half undressed Lily where she stood against the sink. "Now," he added sternly, and grasped her hand, pulling her along as he marched with his long legs and she jogged along to keep up, all the way up the stairs and to their bedroom. Lily was breathless, but then Thaddeus was pressing her up against the closed door to their bedroom, kissing her again, and the redheaded witch tried to gasp in enough air to breathe properly in between hungry kisses.

"Thad," she gasped, heart still pounding, feeling dizzy. "I need to breathe," she panted, and he pulled back, allowing her grateful lungfuls of oxygen, at least for as long as it took to peel her out of her dress. And when she stood in naught but knickers and heels Thaddeus groaned as his blue eyes devoured the sight of her and then pressed himself close once more.

The dark blond wizard snogged her, and Lily groaned as she was finally able, after getting her breathing at least under control, to enjoy the kiss. Thaddeus palmed her breasts as he snogged her, still entirely clothed, and Lily recalled a night they'd come for a rendezvous, during some dreadfully dull Charity Fundraiser Gala, in his bedroom, when they'd been dating, and he'd stripped her, then fucked her against the bedroom door. He hadn't gotten undressed then, either, and she wondered if her husband was remembering.

Lily shuddered with mingled arousal and fear as her husband's large, warm hand dragged down her side, then dipped into her knickers. She groaned as a finger teased her, and then flinched, arousal dampening, as Thaddeus nipped her too hard as he kissed down the side of her neck. "Fuck, I can't wait," her husband grunted, and she whimpered as his mouth dropped to suckle her nipple as he pushed her panties down her hips, the fabric pooling around her heels.

"Thad," Lily murmured, and then gasped as he husband pushed two fingers deep into her, because she wasn't quite ready enough and there wasn't much worse than a dry entry. She tensed, nails digging into his shoulders, even through his robes and shirt. "Unh!" she grunted, because the withdrawal was even worse, but then his thumb swirled, hot and fast, over her clit, and Lily's arousal jacked right back up.

"Oh fuck yeah, honey. It's been too fucking long," he groaned. Lily wondered what he meant, because she'd never once, ever, denied her husband sex, and to her recollection, they'd last done it on Monday. And then, to her surprise, her husband dropped to his knees, just like he had all those long years ago at that awful party his mother had been throwing, and easily lifted one of her thighs onto his shoulder. Her mouth parted in shock now, just as it had done then, and Lily gasped, and arched into the sensation of his mouth moving upon her. His tongue delved between the folds of her sex, making her hotter and wetter than she'd been in ages, and instinctively, Lily's hands fisted in his hair to hold him there, even as his hot, wicked tongue teased her clit before dipping into her again. He burrowed his fingers into her again, the way slicked with his saliva and her raging arousal now, and Lily moaned as his talented lips suckled her clit as he fingered her.

"Oh Gods, yes, yes!" Lily moaned, and just as she felt like she was going to come, her husband pulled back completely, and she almost sobbed with the denial of release, even as Thaddeus stood and kissed her roughly.

"Not yet, my naughty girl," he rumbled after breaking the kiss, and Lily groaned when she felt something hot and hard nudging into her slick, molten pussy. "But this time you don't even have to try to be quiet, honey," he rumbled, making Lily blush a little, even as he hooked his forearms under her thighs, lifting her up and open, back braced against the door, and filled her in one long, slow push.

She moaned, and even though part of her detested her husband and she was certainly afraid of him, in that moment, Lily remembered what it was like to be in love. It was one of the little glimpses she got, every now and then, of the man she loved and had married, under the hard, icy shell he'd grown, and the only things that mattered were each other and the love they'd shared. "Oh, Thad, yes," she moaned softly, trying to touch all of him at once, hungry for the pleasure she knew he could bring.

"Fuck yes," he groaned, and set a hard fast pace that raced them to completion, and Lily felt herself trying to stave off the inevitable. She wanted him to make love to her, like they used to. Hell, the time he'd fucked her against this very door, he'd taken almost thrice as long with her, letting her enjoy her ascent to heaven. And although Lily felt her body betraying her will, reaching a sharp, almost painful peak with a loud cry and clenching of all her muscles, she couldn't deny it was almost just as good the second time around as she felt Thaddeus lose himself, bucking wildly before he tensed and dropped into nirvana with her.

Trembling and panting, she opened her eyes and smiled with lazy, sated satisfaction at her husband. He smirked back, then withdrew and released her legs. When he pulled back a moment later, Lily, trembling and standing on wobbly legs, felt bereft. She was cold and naked, and somehow felt oddly used as her husband tucked himself away, looking almost flawless once more as he smoothed his robes. Her heart, buoyed up on the remembered bliss and the high of orgasm, sank as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his face once more set in that pureblood mask of icy disdain.

"Fuck, honey, I almost forgot after all this time how much better you are out of bed than in it," he said, looking smug, and Lily felt shame turning her cheeks pink as she looked away, pulling her panties up and covering herself with her dress. "Go take a shower. I've got some writing I need to get done before bed." Lily moved aside as Thaddeus moved toward the door again, and as it closed firmly behind him, the redheaded witch felt tears welling in her eyes.

She kicked off her heels and went to the bathroom, feeling a sick sense of loss as she used a Contraception Charm on herself and flicked on the shower with a wave of her wand. She couldn't meet her own eyes in the mirror, instead looking at her kiss swollen lips and the vague red marks her sensitive, pale flesh had held as reminders Thaddeus had fucked her. Tears threatened to spill, and Lily hurriedly stepped into the shower after undressing swiftly again, even as she told herself to stop being silly and get it together. So what if her husband had acted like desiring her had been a temporary state of mind and a chore ticked off his list? And so what if it hadn't been as meaningful and heartfelt as last time they'd done it in that position and location? And so bloody fucking what if she wanted to cry because she felt like little more than a living breathing sex toy after that interlude? Things could always be worse. And as Lily washed up, she finally forced her tears back down inside, because she couldn't afford to cry, and she couldn't afford to lose focus, because life was about to get a whole lot messier, she was sure.

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