So Long and Goodnight

written by: albe-chan

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction and I do NOT own Harry Potter or any of the characters mentioned, I am making no money from this, and any similarities with real life are purely coincidental. This work will contain MATURE THEMES, such as coarse language, mature subject matter (scenes containing graphic sex, non-consensual sex and sexual acts, nudity, etc.), and mildly graphic violence. Please, if you are not over the age of 18, or of majority in your country, DO NOT READ THIS! You have been warned!

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Chapter Five

"So what's up?" Scorpius asked coming back into the lounge a few minutes later, and Lily felt tense and nervous, her anxiety peaking out of nowhere. "I mean, you've never just shown up before," Scorpius said, seeming to see her sudden stiffness, and Lily told herself to breathe. "Did something…happen?"

Lily looked at her hands wringing themselves in her lap, and felt grateful that Scorpius chose to sit in one of the chairs, instead of beside her. "I…" Lily didn't know what to say, and gulped, trying to speak carefully. She didn't want to make her husband seem like a monster, even if she privately thought he was, because Lily knew she was far from perfect herself. But she looked up into Scorpius's honest, questioning grey eyes, stormy as ever and promising to hold her secrets and felt the carefully constructed guards around her heart, and her pain, slowly crumble. "We had a fight," she whispered at last. "It was bad. Not as bad as it has been...before," she said her speech coming in awkward spurts, as if her subconscious was fighting the urge to unload to him, "but bad enough. I… I'm supposed to be at work, but I couldn't bear the thought of just sitting in my office alone, because…"

Scorpius tried to hold in the urge to move closer, to comfort her, even as Lily's trembling, timid voice faded away into thought. He could see nothing but anguish and fear in her wide hazel eyes that stared through him, and fought the urge to clench his fists and teeth. Getting angry would only scare her, remind her of her husband, whose anger she seemed to fear above all else. But that thought alone made his temper blaze. She'd all but admitted to him, after he'd long suspected it, that Nott was abusive to her, and while Scorpius would love nothing more than to Crucio the bastard to within an inch of sanity for daring to strike his own wife, he'd refrained. Even when he'd seen the evidence of it on Lily, both mentally and physically.

The blond pureblood knew Lily was smart, and knew that she wouldn't stay in a relationship with a wizard who beat her, or worse, if she didn't still love some part of him, but it was infuriating for Scorpius to know the truth and be helpless to save her from it. She would resent him if he forced her, of that he was certain, and although it ate him up at times, he'd held her secret, unable to go against her when he pictured, yet again, in his mind, the image of her trying to hold herself together in her kitchen, begging him not to tell anyone. Even if he felt like a villain for it. Even when he knew his best mate would hate him for knowing and saying, or doing, nothing on his behalf. Scorpius waited for her to keep talking, trying to keep himself calm, because he would do anything for Lily. She'd become more than a friend, or a fancy, or even a puzzle he longed to solve. Somewhere in the last couple months, he'd fallen for her, and it was that alone that kept him seated, and breathing calmly, and waiting impatiently for her to finish her thought.

"When I got married," Lily said, looking at her hands, a sad expression turning her mouth down, "I wanted to have a baby right away," she said, and Scorpius tensed. "Thaddeus didn't, because we still had loads of time, and he wanted to get his career sorted first." The blond forced his face to remain neutral, even as he wanted to scowl. "Anyway, it turned out to be a good thing I guess, but now…" She shook her head. "Well, you probably saw, but he's been named the latest member of the Daily Prophet's Editorial staff, for the weekend edition, and that, basically, means he'll always have that position at the Prophet." Scorpius nodded because it was rare for anyone to make the prolific and difficult ascent to Editor at the widely read paper, and no one ever left or was fired from such a spot. "And now," Lily continued, hands clasped together with white knuckle force, "Thaddeus has decided it's a good time for children."

Scorpius's rage bled all the colour from his vision for a moment, leaving him seeing nothing but his own white hot temper, but then he blinked and drew an unsteady breath. "And you're no longer so keen on that idea?" he guessed, face stony, praying to Merlin and Circe that Lily wasn't about to tell him her husband had forced himself on her.

"Not at all," she admitted, her breath whooshing out, and he watched her unclasp her hands, bringing a shaking one to her mouth. "I've made sure it won't happen, for now," she admitted in a whisper. "But I don't know how much longer I can just keep preventing it."

Scorpius watched her hazel eyes narrow, as if wondering how far her husband would go, to give her the children she no longer wanted, and Scorpius knew his own brain was skipping ahead to all those possibilities and more. He knew it was possible, with Potions, to ensure a woman would get pregnant through increased fertility. He also knew there were Potions, old ones that had been used back in the height of arranged pureblood marriages, that increased a woman's desire for her husband. And Scorpius had no doubt Thaddeus Nott, as pureblooded as Scorpius himself, would know about them as well. And while they weren't illegal to brew, the use of them against unsuspecting and unaware witches was illegal. The blond wizard knew that if her husband really wanted to sire a child with Lily, there would be little room for her to prevent it, even if the bastard watched her every second of every day to ensure she didn't use a Contraceptive or Abortion Charm on herself.

"Does he know you don't want to have kids?" Scorpius asked slowly.

Lily looked up at him, mouth parted and eyes wide with shock, then, to his own shock, threw back her head and laughed. It was a short, abrupt spurt of it, and while it was the obnoxious guffaw he definitely recalled from when he'd known her as Lily Potter, when she met his gaze again, smirking, it was without humour. "No," she said at last, smirk fading. "I may not be the brightest witch of my age, but I'm not stupid enough to tell Thad I don't want something he's got his ambitions set on." Scorpius scowled, and Lily flinched a little, then added, her posture and tone laced with defensiveness, "And don't you frown at me like that. This isn't even any of your business, and I should just go," she said, the last word catching the tiniest bit on a sob, but when Lily stood up, Scorpius followed suit and stepped closer, pulling her into his arms, aching to hold her, and comfort her, hating that she flinched away from him instinctively. And then he felt her small arms circle his middle and she relaxed against him, body going limp.

"You are the brightest witch of your age," he said firmly, and could almost hear Lily rolling her eyes. "And you're right, it's not my business, but I care, and if I can help you, at all, Lily, I will." He bit back the urge to tack on the three words that formed in his mind. She didn't need or want, he was sure, his declarations of love for her, and they'd never be reciprocated, so he bit his tongue.

The redhead sighed softly. "I just needed to… To tell someone, I guess," she mumbled into his chest. "It's lonely there." The admission was spoken barely above a whisper, and Scorpius felt it, more than heard it, when she muttered those three little words. And his heart actually ached at her admission.

"You can come whenever you like," he said instantly, wanting to do or say the right thing to ease her pain, the loneliness she felt.

Lily sighed again. "I can't," she said, and instantly pulled away. Scorpius felt his facade crack a little at that, the feeling of being bereft without her. "I want to," she said, and he looked into her solemn hazel eyes. "But I just… I can't. If he ever found out…" She shook her head as a darkness swept over her, eyes lowering, then forced a smile. Scorpius reached for her hand, wanting to hold some part of her, to imbibe her with his strength, wanting desperately to see her like he'd remembered, not acting out her impression of herself. The redhead's eyes were guarded when she looked at him again. "I can't risk it."

"Then leave him," Scorpius said, knowing it was foolish the moment the words crossed his lips. But it was said out of jealousy, and anger, because his loathing for Thaddeus Nott, the bastard, was like a living, breathing entity inside him. His absolute hatred for the wizard who'd dared put a hand on Lily, let alone broken her down into this sad, almost pitiable creature, roared and clawed at his insides, and he fought to control it. Lily froze, then glared at him, and he braced for the words he saw in her angry, blazing expression.

"For what?" Lily snapped, and Scorpius took a step back, seeing that he'd obviously, after her emotional turmoil in telling him that her husband expected her to bear his child, whether she liked it or not, pushed her way past too far. "So I can spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder? Or so I can never work, and have no means to support myself, because he'll fucking find me if I try? What the bleeding fuck am I going to leave my husband for, after almost five bloody years, when there's nothing better for me away from him, Scorpius?" she shouted, and in the ringing silence, her chest heaving, he looked positively contrite. And Lily wanted to scream, and lash out at him, because it wasn't fucking fair damn it!

"You'd have your family," Scorpius finally said, and Lily snorted. She'd lost her family the moment she'd changed her name to Lily Nott, and even if she tried vainly to pretend she was part of that unit, she couldn't help but feel she didn't quite fit. "They love you, y'know," Scorpius said with surety, and Lily rolled her eyes, even as her anger slowly ebbed. "Especially Al." Lily didn't want to hear it. "When you showed up at dinner late, last weekend," Scorpius continued, even as she tried to block out his voice, "he noticed you seemed off." Lily closed her eyes and barely resisted the urge to cover her ears. "Asked me if I thought you were acting weird since, apparently, I'm the new expert on you."

The redhead didn't want to hear anymore. She could picture Al's face if she ever told him the truth of why she'd been late, and why she'd been acting abnormal. Lily had tried to be calm, but after her husband's bad mood, compounded by too many drinks that day, and unleashed upon her in the form of him almost choking her to the point of suffocation before he'd finished with her, she was a wreck. But she'd tried to soldier through Sunday dinner, if only to see her parents, and hug her mother's warm, cinnamon scented form, and actually eat a full meal. "And?" she finally asked, hating that she was praying he hadn't told her brother anything suspicious or truthful.

"I told him what I've said since that night back in January before I transferred to the Lestrange vault here in London, to purge the batty old pureblood enchantments. You're different than before you were married, but your weirdness didn't seem out of the ordinary of that." Lily frowned, because that wasn't what she'd been hoping to hear, although it wasn't awful.

"It doesn't matter," Lily said, and turned away, back to the Floo. "I should go to work," she said, and forced her shoulders not to slump and her step not to falter, even as she fought the urge to turn and fling herself at the tall, handsome blond. He was just so damn strong, and patient, and solid, and utterly, completely trustworthy. And her weak, craven side wanted to curl into his chest while he held her safely and let him keep her safe.

But the redhead couldn't do that. It would be wrong. Sure, her husband had broken their marriage vows, more than once, but she couldn't. She'd taken vows and meant them. Meant them still. She would honor her husband, and Lily doubted it would be honorable to leave him, file for divorce, ruin his shining star and create a scandal in his pureblood social circles, and lean on another man in the process. So she didn't look back, or say anything more, and Flooed out of Scorpius's flat, feeling unburdened, but still no more comforted. That had been left behind with Scorpius's sad grey gaze.

The blond pureblood watched Lily leave, heart sinking to his toes, and after she'd Flooed off to work, he sat down abruptly on the sofa. A puff of her smell assaulted his nose and he winced, feeling the faint vacated warmth from where she'd been sitting before he'd opened his mouth and proceeded to attempt choking himself on his foot. Godric, he'd been such a fool! One hand pushed through his hair and he got up, pacing his flat restlessly.

Lily had been looking for comfort, not demands. She'd needed a friend and he'd whined like a jealous admirer. Sweet fucking Circe, you have to set it right. Scorpius nodded, grabbed his robes, and went to find Lily at the Ministry of Magic, not giving a damn if her bastard husband found out, because he wouldn't, couldn't, let the passionate redhead he knew still resided within her, corralled by fear and violence, simply die.

Twenty minutes later he gulped and knocked on her office door. "Come in," Lily said from within, and Scorpius gulped, glancing around, then reached for the doorknob. What had seemed like such a great idea now seemed silly, and poorly thought out, and dear sweet Merlin and his favourite teapot, what the hell was he doing!? But he went into Lily's office, trying to keep his expression neutral, and she looked up from her desk, the picture of approachable. "Scorpius!" she said, eyes widening in alarm. "What are you doing here?" she hissed, standing up from her chair.

"I need to talk to you," he said earnestly. "Look, I'm an idiot, and I'm sorry. But I don't want you to be mad at me. I just…" He faltered and looked away. "I didn't mean to tell you how to live your life," he said. "But I want you to know you do have options," he said, and glanced up at her again. She was frowning. "And for whatever it might be worth, even if it's nothing, I…" He gulped and said roughly, "I just want you to be okay."

"I'm fine," Lily said softly, but she wouldn't meet his eyes.

Scorpius nodded and made to turn away, conceding defeat, but then turned back when he put his hand back on the doorknob.

"Not all the time," he said softly. She glared at him, and Scorpius added, even softer, "No one is, Lily. And someday you won't be able to keep fooling everyone by saying you are."

She didn't reply, and Scorpius opened the door, almost walking right into a young woman, who looked to be about sixteen or seventeen, with dark hair and vibrantly amber eyes. "Whoa," the girl said, eyes widening as she looked up at him, then her gaze darted to Lily. "Uh, I'm not interrupting anything am I?" she asked slowly.

"No," Lily said firmly, and Scorpius, glancing at her, saw the dismissal in her hazel eyes. He forced a smile. "Please, come in, Heather."

Scorpius opened the door wider so the shocked looking girl could come in, and left without another word, closing Lily's office door behind himself, and the redheaded witch tried to keep her expression bland.

"Whoa, is that your husband, Mrs. Nott?" Heather asked, looking at the door as if she'd just seen a celebrity. Lily pursed her lips.

"No," Lily said firmly. Heather looked at her, tilting her head a little.

"Too bad," the teen, who was almost an adult in the eyes of the wizarding world, said, smirking at her counsellor turned friend. "He's bloody hot."

Lily's mouth quirked up, because Heather wasn't wrong. "Have a seat, Heather," she said, indicating the chair across from her desk. The young werewolf sat.

"Is he single?" she pushed, looking back at the door as if Scorpius might come back in at any moment.

"Heather," the redhead said, and gave her a stern expression. The girl shrugged, smirking.

"Just asking, no need to get defensive, Mrs. N." Her amber eyes rolled. "Besides, any bloke that good looking is probably already taken, right?" Lily tried not to think about it, or the hot flash of incoherent jealousy that flared in her belly when she did. Picturing Scorpius with some faceless witch, snogging her, touching her, and doting lovingly upon her… No! She was married, for Merlin's sake! It shouldn't matter if Scorpius had a dozen girlfriends on the go, at least not to her. Heather looked at her as if sensing the traitorous turn of Lily's thoughts, and the older witch tried to compose herself. This session wasn't about her, or Scorpius. She had to focus.

"I'd like to talk to you about-"

"Who is that guy, anyway?" Heather interrupted. Lily frowned at her not-quite friend and more-than case. The young witch, who Lily had been working with her entire career in the Department for the Control and Regulation of Magical Creatures, and who was one of the first cases Lily had been assigned, arched a brow at her. She'd known Heather since the younger witch was just ten, and, being a full-fledged werewolf, Heather was unusually talented at reading the redhead, and her most private thoughts.

"He's my brother's friend," Lily said dismissively, hoping the young werewolf would drop it. She had limited time to discuss the girl's future with her, until their next session a week from then, and wanted to get her points across.

Heather lifted dark brows. "Huh. So he's not-?"

Lily interrupted the question before it could be asked. "We're not here to talk about me, Heather, or whoever might drop by to visit me. I want to talk to you about your future. After Hogwarts." Amber eyes, a product of the younger woman's affliction, rolled. "You'll be sitting your NEWTs in June, and I know you're looking into a career with this Department."

Heather sighed, glanced one last time at the door, and said, looking hesitant, "D'you think they'll really pass that Werewolf Reform Act, Mrs. N?" Lily forced a smile, shoving Scorpius and her personal dramas aside as she felt a surge of pity and love for the young woman who sat across from her. Heather was scared that if the Act was repealed, she'd be lucky to get a job scrubbing floors in a Muggle diner, Lily knew. Her heart ached for the young witch, whose future lay in the hands of politicians who'd never know just how brilliant and intuitive and utterly charming the girl was, because they'd never see past her condition.

Lily forced a smile that didn't quite reach her hazel eyes, smiling sadly. "I hope not," she said earnestly, because the redhead knew those in power feared that which they didn't know, and loathed that which they didn't understand, and she had a feeling it would be repealed, despite the efforts of the formidable Hermione Granger-Weasley. "But we need to talk about your options right now, as the laws stand," Lily said, hoping Heather would remain positive. Heather sighed, but looked hopeful, and Lily forced herself to keep smiling encouragingly. "Are you still thinking of a career in the DCRMC?" she prompted, and Heather smirked, perking up a little.

They discussed Heather's career options for the next half hour and Lily managed to put her own personal dilemmas to the back of her mind as they chatted. But the second she was alone again, and left to her own devices, Lily felt her thoughts straying, once again, to Scorpius Malfoy and the conversation she'd had with him before her meeting with Heather. He just wanted her to be okay. And that notion made her eyes well with tears, because she wasn't sure anyone else on the planet wanted such a little thing from her, and she couldn't help but want to actually be okay, if only so the blond pureblood wouldn't worry about her wellbeing.

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