So Long and Goodnight

written by: albe-chan

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction and I do NOT own Harry Potter or any of the characters mentioned, I am making no money from this, and any similarities with real life are purely coincidental. This work will contain MATURE THEMES, such as coarse language, mature subject matter (scenes containing graphic sex, non-consensual sex and sexual acts, nudity, etc.), and mildly graphic violence. Please, if you are not over the age of 18, or of majority in your country, DO NOT READ THIS! You have been warned!

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Chapter Nine - June

Lily paced, head down, across the marble floors of the master bath at Nott Hall, her stomach churning with nausea even though she'd already vomited the contents of her stomach before the sun had woken. The sun, now risen and lighting up the room, hit her as she paced, her shadow following suit against the wall, her brow furrowed and mouth set into a frown that would have instantly had her mother in law chastising her for future wrinkles. She wondered how this had happened. She'd been careful, so careful, to take the recommended dose of probably illicit potion that prevented her falling pregnant every time she'd been intimate with her husband. The redheaded witch then began to wonder, half hoping she was wrong and half sure she wasn't, if perhaps her husband had slipped her something else that would have counteracted her potion. Because now she had missed her period by more than two weeks couldn't bear the sight or smell of anything that wasn't bread or potatoes without wanting to vomit. And Lily was bloody terrified her husband, or worse, her mother in law, would find out she was most likely pregnant.

She stopped dead suddenly, a new, horrifying thought occurring to her that made her mouth drop open, face morphing from thoughtful to terrifying understanding of just how this, the thing she'd tried so hard for months to prevent, had happened. She'd taken the potion every single time after being intimate with her husband, of that Lily was certain. But she hadn't taken it that awful night last month. The night she gave up hope that her Thad would ever break free of the pureblood pretentiousness that had been ingrained into him through generations of superiority complexes before him. And the night she curled into a ball under a scalding hot shower and sobbed her eyes out once her husband had left her, feeling hopeless and broken on their bedroom floor, spitting on her after raping her.

Lily instantly felt tears beginning to blur her eyes, but took a deep steadying breath and set her shoulders. She knew for a fact no one else was home, and that no one else would be home for hours. Her husband would probably eat lunch out, her mother in law was having a leisurely tea, which meant afternoon drinks, with some of her pureblood debutante friends, and the redheaded witch knew, if she was ever going to have the courage to leave, it was to save her baby from ever having to see or experience her pain. And Thaddeus and Cordelia Nott, she knew, were experts at pain.

She couldn't live with herself if she let a child, an innocent life, be brought into that, and so, with a resolve that felt shaky at best, Lily moved with decisive movements to the bedroom. She Summoned her singular suitcase from within the closet, and began to pull clothes down, by hand, then packing them efficiently in her magically enhanced suitcase. Her makeup and toiletries were Summoned a moment later with a flick of the redhead's wrist, and within minutes, Lily had packed herself a bag to leave and, if she was lucky, she would never come back.

Lily looked around at the bedroom she'd slept in for years now, and felt her heart drop when her hazel gaze landed on her now almost empty dresser, recalling the horrors she'd been party to against it once more, and shuddered. She let her gaze slide traitorously to the bed, the piece of furniture she and her husband, as newlyweds, had spent hours lying in, talking about their hopes and dreams for a future together. Only now, the redheaded witch felt a hollow sense of loss, because while she had spilled her heart to the wizard she'd thought she'd love until she died, in hindsight it became apparent that Thaddeus had, almost all along, simply been grooming her into being beholden to him, and utterly powerless in their relationship.

She took one last breath and exhaled sharply, hefting her bag and heading toward the Floo, grasping a handful of powder and telling herself she was doing the right thing, even though her foolish, stupid heart ached with guilt. Lily pushed her emotions aside, tossed her handful of powder into the grate, and stepped into the green flames, shouting as she did, "Scorpius Malfoy's flat!"

She stepped out into the sitting room that still felt almost incongruous to the Malfoy heir she remembered from her younger years, but oddly fitting for the man she now knew, and let out a breath of apprehensive tension as she set her bag down, certain she'd once heard pregnant women shouldn't lift heavy things. "Scorpius?" she called, moving to see if he might be in the kitchen, but, as she froze, Scorpius stepped from the bathroom, once again wearing nothing but a towel. Lily's cheeks instantly went pink and she forced herself not to gawk at the physical perfection laid bare before her, and gulped anxiously.

"Lily," he said, and smiled awkwardly. "You have the funniest knack for coming over when I'm not dressed, you know," he said, and laughed hesitantly, then noticed her strained smile and the fear in her eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked, brow furrowing and smile dropping.

Lily stepped back as he moved to pull her close instinctively, and Scorpius cursed himself. "I just…" She trailed off looking hesitant, and glanced back to the fireplace in his living room, and his gaze followed, noticing her bag set neatly beside the hearth. "You said once," she murmured, not meeting his eyes, and Scorpius forced himself to be patient and not push her, "that if I wanted to leave… That if I wanted to leave my husband, you'd keep me safe."

Scorpius, who'd all but stopped breathing at those words, nodded jerkily, and licked his lips. "Yes," he said gruffly.

Lily nodded back, looking half terrified and half fearless when she met his gaze. "Does that offer still stand?" she asked, and Scorpius let out his breath slowly, trying to contain the rush of joy welling within him, filling up his chest with warmth and threatening to turn up the corners of his mouth.

"It does," he said, nodding decisively.

Lily nodded slowly. "I…" She sucked in a deep breath, pushed her shoulders back, and looked at him directly. "I want to leave him, and I need somewhere to-"

"Lily," he sighed, at last giving into the urge to grin at her. "You can stay as long as you need, or if you want to go somewhere else, I can-"

"I want to stay here," she said, and then stepped back after he leaned in to hug her once more. "At least, for now," she qualified, pointedly looking at the ground, and Scorpius bit back a curse again, recalling his almost indecent state of undress.

"The second bedroom is down the hall. You can get settled and I'll just-"

"Get dressed?" she provided, and Scorpius chuckled, even though he didn't think it was necessarily prudent, considering the circumstances of Lily's visit.

"Yes. That," he replied and Lily nodded.

"Thank you," she murmured, even as Scorpius turned to return to the bathroom.

"No," Scorpius said, turning back, blond hair falling rakishly across his forehead as his grey eyes, steady and promising her she could trust the wizard in possession of them, held her hazel gaze. "Thank you, Lily," he said. As she quirked her head in question, he smiled the tiniest bit and added, "For finally believing you're worth more."

The redhead felt her stomach churn uncomfortably at that, because she was definitely not leaving for herself, but for the tiny life within her that she hadn't wanted and now was sacrificing everything for. "Then you're welcome, Scorpius," she replied as lightly as possible, and moved to fetch her bag from where she'd left it, telling herself sternly that just because Scorpius had agreed to help her, didn't mean she could afford to tell him all her secrets.

Precisely one week later, Lily was heading out of Scorpius's apartment to meet with a confidential Healer to confirm her worst nightmare, that she was in fact carrying the next heir, or heiress, of the House of Nott, Sacred Twenty Eight family and future inheritor of Nott Hall. The redheaded witch knew that to visit her regular Healer, and especially her mother in law's paid enabler, would result in her husband and his mother finding out she was in fact pregnant, as she heavily suspected. She'd still not gotten her period and the nausea, which she was positive Scorpius had noticed despite her best efforts to keep hidden, had persisted stubbornly as well. And there was some innate feeling within her that was all but certain she'd still gotten herself knocked up despite all her efforts and intentions, and that was something to protect, something to fight for.

An hour later, she had the diagnosis in hand. Pregnant. Roughly eight or nine weeks so, at that. "If you're looking to terminate the pregnancy, I-" the Healer, a young man with kind eyes and a frowning mouth, began, but Lily simply shook her head, putting a protective hand on her stomach that was still flat.

"I'm not," she said softly but firmly, and the Healer nodded.

"I can't prescribe you any potions, and you really should look into seeing a prenatal specialist Healer at St. Mungo's," the young wizard reminded her, but Lily, who was already on her feet, merely forced her mechanical, brilliant smile. She dropped her eyes, hoping the young wizard, who she thought she might have gone to Hogwarts with, and shared a Potions bench with in Sixth Year incidentally, the longer she'd looked at him, didn't recognize her.

"Thank you so much," she said politely, and hurried out of the little clinic that had been set up in Knockturn Alley for those who either couldn't afford or were too afraid to visit St. Mungo's directly. It was also, Lily knew, the perfect place to go if one didn't want any trace of a medical examination for maladies, after hearing it mentioned in regard to 'unwanted bastards' that occasionally arose in pureblood circles, while accompanying her mother in law to tea, when she'd been a newlywed.

Once back within the relative safety of Diagon Alley, Lily wandered on autopilot toward Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour, the now quite-popular establishment that Diagon had been sorely lacking since the end of the Second wizarding war until Fred Weasley II bought it. Now, with his husband and their unofficial mascot, Flo, their Great Dane, the place was a success and much loved, especially by the redhead, who indulged in her family-is-free discount whenever she was around. On this day, however, Lily wasn't in the mood for ice cream, or anything else that the little cafe served, and simply sat down in one of the chairs at the umbrella-topped tables on the patio, feeling uneasy.

She knew she should tell Scorpius about her predicament, and knew, also, that he'd do anything in his power to help her. Which, she supposed, accounted for her paralyzing fear at telling him, because she was afraid Scorpius, in his quest to help her, would become either entirely disenchanted with her, or she'd somehow ruin it all by learning to rely on him before his inevitable disenchantment. It was one thing to seek his help and quite another, to the redhead, to be able to reveal all her secrets to another living being, especially one she was currently relying on more than she knew was wise.

She sighed, frowning to herself, and then froze as someone sat down across from her. The familiar silhouette, backed by the blinding summer sun, brought with it on the light breeze a whiff of far too familiar cologne and aftershave, and a distinctly irritated expression rested on Thaddeus Nott's patrician features.

"Lily," he said, his voice a deadly soft caress over her eardrums, and the redhead shuddered, tucking the parchments in hand carefully inside her handbag.

"Thaddeus," she replied bravely, forcing, out of pure habit, a bright smile for the wizard she'd chosen to call her husband. When he merely lifted a questioning brow that she could interpret without hesitating to mean, 'Explain yourself, now', Lily gulped. "What brings you to Diagon Alley?" she asked, all her well-crafted tools for hiding her true emotions employed faultlessly. "I would have thought you were at work, Thad, I know it's a busy time-"

"I've been off for a week," he said and Lily's brows pulled together oh so slightly. She looked up at the pureblood she'd wedded, she felt something in her chest lighten. Because there, looking at her with a broken, lost expression, was her Thad, his vibrant blue eyes dimmed. "Lily, I… Gods, I thought something happened to you," he whispered. "I went to the Auror Department, tried to file a missing persons report," Thaddeus said, looking desperate. "I was terrified something had happened to you, honey." She felt her heart rate speed up as he grasped her hand, but his fingers were gentle, cradling her appendage as if she might shatter at any given moment. His very blue eyes, the feature she'd most been attracted to right off the hop, dropped to their hands for a moment, and she felt him adjust the diamond engagement ring, with matching diamond encrusted wedding band, on her finger. When he looked up again she saw that he looked hopeful. That seeing she'd not removed her wedding rings had somehow buoyed him up, when in truth, Lily just hadn't thought about taking them off yet, still trying to deal with living away from her husband. "I thought I'd lost you," Thaddeus whispered, and Lily flinched slightly as he squeezed her hand briefly, although it wasn't at all hard.

"Thad," she whispered, closing her eyes and her mouth, tempted to tell him why she was leaving, knowing she couldn't.

Her husband leaned forward, brushing a tender hand over her cheek, and Lily let out a slow breath, trying to stay strong in her convictions. Thaddeus Nott could never know she was pregnant, nor could his mother, and the two of them would surely ruin a child. Lily needed to at least give her baby a chance to live. "Please come back to me, Lily," Thaddeus whispered, and she felt his mouth ghosting over hers, the words forming erratic puffs of breath across her lips. "Please, I'm begging you," he added.

Lily's will crumbled ever so slightly at that. Thaddeus never begged, at least not her. He took what he wanted with decisive force, and the redhead hadn't heard those words leave his lips in years, at least. "I can't," she whispered, trying to convince herself.

Thaddeus seemed to know it. "Of course you can. Whatever's wrong, we'll fix it," he murmured, kissing her with a brush of his mouth over hers now. "Whatever the problem is, we can figure it out, Lily." She took in a shaky breath, feeling the guilt of knowing just what she would be keeping from him all but crushing her. "I need you," Thaddeus added fervently, and Lily winced, because this time his hand squeezing hers almost hurt. He countered the brief throb with another gentle brush of his lips over hers, making her breath hitch.

"I…" she breathed, then trailed off weakly. The nasty little voice in the back of her head told her she was being stupid. She'd signed up for life with this wizard, this man, and she couldn't just go bailing on that. And if she just told him the awful truth, maybe things would get better. Hell, for all she knew, stupid as she'd been repetitively told she was, this could be the thing that saved their marriage. She had to try, right? Marriage wasn't just giving up when things got hard. She'd be giving her husband the gift of an heir, the one thing every pureblood had ingrained into them since childhood to aspire to in the future, and maybe that would make her good enough in his eyes.

"Please, Lily," he said again, this time in a broken whisper, and she watched his face crumple entirely before he turned away. Her heart, broken as she'd thought it, thudded meaningfully in her chest.

"Okay," she whispered, and even though her stomach sank as he husband kissed her properly, she forged on as he pulled away.

"You'll come home with me?" Thad asked, those brilliantly blue eyes of his positively lighting up with relief and happiness, reminding Lily of old times, making her feel like this might actually work. She nodded, and her husband grinned widely. "I love you," he murmured, leaning in to kiss her again. "I love you so much, honey, and-"

"I'm pregnant," Lily said, without thinking, telling the first person in what felt like forever since she'd first suspected. Time itself seemed to stop as Thaddeus froze and Lily's breath caught in her chest at the same moment, and instantly she regretted her decision when a hard coldness passed over Thad's face. "Or, at least, um, I'm pretty sure… It's just, I… I haven't- I meant that I..."

"When did you find out?" Thaddeus hissed accusingly, all soft traces of her loving Thad gone once more. "How long have you known?" She gasped as he squeezed the hand still in his grip in warning. "Who else knows?"

"No one," she whispered, even as the tears began to well in her eyes. She could never tell Thad the whole truth, that she'd found out over a week ago, and that was the reason she'd left. She'd have to spin this in the only way her husband wouldn't fly off the handle at her. "I just found out today," she whispered miserably, unable to look into those icy blue eyes that judged her and found her wanting. She pulled the sheet of parchment from her bag. "I knew," she murmured, still staring at the table, "that I had to come back to you when I found out, but I was scared, and I didn't…"

Thaddeus tilted her chin up and Lily's stomach churned and squirmed uncomfortably until he smiled at her. It wasn't the warm, loving smile her Thad used to beam at her with, but nor was it the frigid, bland, pureblood smile he employed in social gatherings. It was a calculated, smug little smile, almost a smirk, that made Lily's skin crawl, even as Thaddeus brought her hand to his mouth, kissing her knuckles gently.

"Oh Lily," he sighed, rising and pulling her to her feet, moving in to brush his lips across her cheek, even as he folded her hand into the crook of his arm, efficiently taking control of her once more. "My silly little wife," he added. "You thought I would be upset you left?" he asked, but before LIly could respond, he answered for her. "Of course not, honey. You're carrying my heir." Lily closed her eyes, heart sinking to her toes, as Thaddeus leaned close and murmured low enough that no passersby would overhear, "And if you ever try to pull a stunt like that again, I can promise you, Lily, I will be more than upset." She shuddered and he grinned down at her. "But I'll always take you back," he added. "You're mine, after all, honey. And I've no intentions of just letting you go."

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