So Long and Goodnight
written by: albe-chan
DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction and I do NOT own Harry Potter or any of the characters mentioned, I am making no money from this, and any similarities with real life are purely coincidental. This work will contain MATURE THEMES, such as coarse language, mature subject matter (scenes containing graphic sex, non-consensual sex and sexual acts, nudity, etc.), and mildly graphic violence. Please, if you are not over the age of 18, or of majority in your country, DO NOT READ THIS! You have been warned!
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Chapter Twelve - August
Lily felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as her stomach sank. She closed her eyes, blocking out the memories that assaulted her as her nose registered a far too familiar cologne and she felt the puff of warm breath against the exposed nape of her neck. "Lily," Thaddeus said softly. "Imagine my surprise at finding my own wife in Scrivenshaft's when I haven't seen her in almost two months."
The redhead grit her teeth at the harsh, low, utterly despicable voice she swore sounded like the sick voice in her own head that told her she was worthless and ugly and utterly flawed, and the same voice she loathed the most. "Imagine my surprise to find my first shopping trip in two months being supervised, still, by the wizard who is soon to be my ex-husband," she replied, turning abruptly to face her husband. Thaddeus was smiling, but his blue eyes were colder than glaciers and promising her pain. "What do you want, Thaddeus?" she asked brazenly, her courage bolstered by knowing Scorpius was somewhere within the shop still, and that, since she'd been away from her husband, she'd come to realize she no longer had to fear him. At least as much as she had when she'd been subjected to the terror of living with him and his horrible mother.
His cold blue eyes roved over her for a beat, calculating and harsh, and then she watched Thaddeus's face sag. She almost choked when he hung his head, pushing a hand through his normally flawlessly coiffed hair, ruining his careful style. "I want you to come home, Lily," he finally murmured, and Lily felt her heart lurch a little as Thaddeus looked up at her again, that pureblooded mask broken up and her Thad, the wizard she'd loved, shone through. "I miss you so much," he murmured, and Lily felt her mouth go dry, fear tickling up her spine as Thaddeus grasped her hands in his, squeezing lightly. "Gods, it's not home without you in it, Lily," he breathed, and she felt faint alarm bells go off in her head as Thaddeus leaned in close, releasing one of her hands to weave fingers with easy familiarity into her hair. "I miss you so damn much, honey," he whispered, turning his face into her neck and breathing deep. His fingers slid around the back of her head. "Please come home to me," he rumbled.
Lily drew in a shaky breath, trying to remind herself just what this wizard, who seemed so soft and contrite now, had once done to her. The things he'd made her feel, the hurt he'd placed on her memories. She told herself he was a liar, and a cheat, and a bastard in the highest regard, and she loathed him, but her stupid, foolish heart felt a flicker of hope regardless.
"Things aren't the same without you," Thaddeus continued, his lips now brushing up her neck tenderly, fingertips massaging her scalp erotically. "I'm not the same without you, honey. Please, everyone misses you, so much, Lily. Come home."
"I-" Lily said, trying to say the words she knew would be for the best. To tell him she wasn't going home with him, that it had never been her home, and she was certain not a soul in Nott Hall missed her.
"Please," Thaddeus breathed, his lips now brushing hers. "Come home, honey. I need you with me, beside me." Lily gulped as he kissed her, so softly and gently, as if she were made of spun sugar and might crumble with any sort of roughness. It was a feeling Lily had once loved, until she'd felt the other end of that spectrum. "Come back to me, Lily. Don't do something stupid, something that can't be undone, honey." Lily closed her eyes, hating that her Thad, with his warm, caring blue eyes, stared back at her as empty words spilled from his lips. "We belong together, Lily. I know you know that. I love you."
"Thaddeus," she whispered, and was on the verge of giving in, feeling her husband's warmth pulling her closer still, his mouth brushing her ear gently.
"Yes, honey. Come home to me," he groaned. "We can clear up this whole misunderstanding."
Lily was on the verge of melting when a familiar voice came crashing through the soft, cottony web Thaddeus had woven around her brain. "Lily? Are you over here? Don't tell me you've gotten lost in a book already." She felt Thad pull away, his body going rigid with tension, and the redheaded witch opened her eyes, still holding one of Thaddeus's hands as Scorpius, standing a couple meters away, looked back at her silently, his dark grey eyes flicking to her husband questioningly.
"Malfoy," Thaddeus said crisply, tone colder than ice, and Lily glanced up to see her husband's detached, loathing pureblood mask firmly back in place. Her heart, which had almost gone soft, was suddenly frozen solid again, and she gulped.
For his part, Scorpius ignored her husband, keeping his eyes on hers. "Are you done browsing, Lily?" he asked, and she watched him hold out a hand invitingly. For a second she hesitated, the old fear making her timid, especially with Thaddeus closer than he'd been in months, but then she pulled her hand roughly from his and stepped toward Scorpius. She felt the bad memories, the ones of herself in hospital, and after, during her recovery, and all the many nights she'd been in similar circumstances but hadn't sought help, float to the surface of her memory. Her husband had been the one to do those things to her, had hurt her, and didn't love her at all.
She felt her stomach sink as Thaddeus grasped her elbow roughly, hauling her back toward him abruptly. "I think not, Lily," he said in a dangerous voice that promised, if she didn't comply, she'd regret it. She clenched her eyes shut, unable to bear seeing Scorpius standing there, staring at her, his dark grey eyes urging her to tell her husband to get fucked, years of conditioning fighting for her to take the path of least resistance, to give in, and go home with Thaddeus. He wouldn't hurt her if she just listened better, and worked harder, and became more perfect for him, right? If she could just be the witch he wanted, she'd be fine.
But you'll never be good enough for him, because you're nothing. The voice in her head sounded suspiciously like her husband himself. She shook her head against it, even as fingers tightened painfully around her elbow.
"We're leaving, now," Thaddeus was saying, glaring hard at Malfoy, as if daring him to intervene or cause a scene in the shop. Lily bowed her head, her will crumbling under the force of her husband's stern, unrelenting persona, and she turned away from Scorpius, hating that he had to witness her weakness. Knowing he would be judging her and hating her and probably thinking her an absolute idiot, for sure, because that's what she was now, right? Just a stupid idiot who made terrible decisions and a pitiable fool who kept hoping naively for something she didn't deserve. You're nothing.
"You can do whatever you please, Lily," Scorpius said simply, tucking his hands into the pockets of his robes. "So long as it's what you really want."
Thaddeus ignored him, pushing roughly past, and half guiding, half dragging Lily with him, head bent to whisper harshly in her ear once they'd moved far enough away. "How dare you," he snarled, obviously back in his temper, making Lily realize his kind words and soft touch was obviously a ploy to ensure her compliance to go home with him. It only made her feel more like the idiot he thought she was. "How fucking dare you, you little fucking whore," Thaddeus growled. "Do you honestly think, you stupid little idiot, I'm going to let my wife, my wife, not only file for a divorce she'll get over my dead fucking body, but that I'm going to let you play the whore with Scorpius fucking Malfoy while doing it? Oh no, Lily, you should know you're fucking mine, and I will not be cuckolded, you little slut." She sucked in a ragged gasp as tears burned the back of her eyes, mouth opening to deny the claims her husband made, even as she looked back at Scorpius as they headed out of the stacks. "And I can fucking promise when we get home, slut," Thaddeus hissed against her ear, low enough no one would hear, "you're going to remember who fucking owns you." She felt his fingers squeeze her flesh brutally, a promise of what was to come, and his voice was back, growling in fury, in her ear. "Do you hear me, you whore? I own you."
Those last words seemed to snap Lily from a heavy trance, and she stopped walking, even as her husband's fingers bit painfully into her arm, making her see stars almost at the rush of numbness that snaked over her muscles. "Excuse me?" she asked softly, as if she hadn't heard the vile words her husband was threatening her with.
Thaddeus sent her a dark look. "Did I stutter, honey?" he asked cruelly. "Or did you misunderstand?"
Lily ripped her arm free from him, even as she became aware they were at the front of the book store now, and there were other people around. "You do not own me," she hissed through gritted teeth.
Thaddeus grinned menacingly. "Don't I?" he purred, and cut his eyes to the left, where a couple patrons at the register had looked over curiously.
"No, you do not," Lily spat back, not caring if there was a hundred strangers staring.
Thaddeus's smile widened even as his eyes went dead. He moved directly into her bubble, leaning to down to speak into her ear once more, his body language soft and unthreatening to distract whoever might be watching as he pressed into her, but his voice dripping with the promise of her pain to come if she kept up being stubborn and defiant. "Oh, so you think because you give yourself to Malfoy you're his, Lily?" Thaddeus demanded. "Do you think he'll still want you when he realizes you're an ungrateful little bitch whose more frigid than fuckable, darling? Hmm? Or has he already tired of that cunt?"
Lily glared right back at him, even as her stomach trembled with fear and her heart stuttered anxiously as she met those flat blue eyes. She'd become too good at reading her husband's expressions over the years, and knew that while he wouldn't cause a scene, he'd do what it took to have her leave with him. She felt her temper flare dangerously, and planted her feet. "You know, I don't think I was quite done browsing after all," she said loudly, and turned away, heading back to where she hoped Scorpius still was.
"Lily," Thaddeus called in a flat warning, but the redhead, feeling powerful, kept going. He'd have to drag her bodily, before witnesses, away. She refused to belong to anyone, ever again, and the reminder that her husband would never change made it easier to go against him. The knowledge there were people who thought her worthy and deserving of kindness and love bolstered her, and kept her chin high and back straight as she marched away from her husband for the last time.
"Go home, Thaddeus," she called back over her shoulder, not bothering to look round, disappearing into the stacks once more.
She heard the door to the shop slam, knowing she had just done something very brave and, quite probably, very foolish. Her hands began shaking as she turned into the non-fiction section once more, and into Scorpius Malfoy's waiting embrace. She closed her eyes against the fear that now consumed her, and gave in to the tears that were burning her eyes, trembling like a leaf as Scorpius merely held her, stroking her back gently. "I'm s-sorry," she gasped, finally pulling away, trying to get herself back together.
Scorpius merely smiled at her, and it was like the first peek of sunshine after a storm, warming her through and giving her hope it wouldn't always be so hard. "I'm so damn proud of you for that, Lily," Scorpius simply replied, and Lily hugged him close again, smiling despite the fresh wave of tears that coursed down her cheeks and soaked into Scorpius's robes.
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