So Long and Goodnight
written by: albe-chan
DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction and I do NOT own Harry Potter or any of the characters mentioned, I am making no money from this, and any similarities with real life are purely coincidental. This work will contain MATURE THEMES, such as coarse language, mature subject matter (scenes containing graphic sex, non-consensual sex and sexual acts, nudity, etc.), and mildly graphic violence. Please, if you are not over the age of 18, or of majority in your country, DO NOT READ THIS! You have been warned!
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Chapter Thirteen
"Lily!"
The redhead's shoulders hunched despite her best efforts to remain normal, because even though she consciously knew that whoever was calling her name was definitely not her soon to be ex-husband, the fear was still there at the hard, expectant tone. She forced herself to turn and glance back over her shoulder, stomach sinking as she did Because instead of the last person she wanted to see approaching, calling her out as she hurried through Diagon Alley, it was the second to last person, and she could find no immediate exit that wouldn't cause a scene.
"Lily, dearest, I'm ever so glad I caught you," came the falsely saccharine and inherently chastising tones of Cordelia Nott, and Lily watched the woman who was currently still technically her mother in law approach slowly, looking equally forbidding and welcoming.
"Hello, Mrs. Nott," Lily said, inclining her head respectfully, even as her shoulders tensed and she felt fear slithering up her spine. It had been a long time since she'd faced her mother in law directly, but still, the years of conditioning and fear surged within her, making her want to, somehow, be good enough for this woman.
"Come now, dear, there's no need for such stiff formalities. Of course I know you're aware that we're not so different, you and I, even if you can't admit it, Lily," Cordelia Nott said imperiously, making her way toward Lily and talking loud enough that anyone who happened by would think they were merely acquaintances who'd met while shopping. The redhead could only blink, still too shocked to even properly process what she was experiencing, and simply nodded dumbly along to her mother in law's words. "After all, who else do you know, dearest, who happens to have married into the ancient and noble house of Nott in the last twenty years?" Cordelia said with a crocodile's predatory smile.
Lily felt goosebumps erupt over her arms as she took in the senior Mrs. Nott's appearance with a sudden, startling, clarity she'd never had before. Perhaps it was the distance, or how far she'd managed to come to terms herself with just what she'd lived through, that afforded her that sudden view of things in a whole new light. And what she saw was so desperately, achingly, familiar the redhead couldn't find words to respond, and even if she had, she doubted she'd be able to speak past the lump in her throat. Because staring at this woman who had, in fact, gone through the same thing, perhaps, she herself had lived, and managed to deal with it enough and find whatever fulfillment she could in having birthed the next in line to bear the noble name of Nott, Lily saw her future if she ever wavered from her desire to leave Thaddeus.
Because standing before her was a witch who obviously, had done everything and anything in her power, or within reason, to make herself into the perfect mold of a pureblood princess witch, from the best family and with the most social clout. She had done everything, to the very best of her ability, and probably never once had felt good enough. It made Lily's anger soften, her hatred of the woman dimming ever so slightly. Although, truly, Cordelia Nott was a horrid woman in the redhead's opinion, she also couldn't find it in herself to hate something that had once felt so distressingly similar.
"I'm sure we are more similar than either of us care to admit," Lily finally said, hoping her voice would remain calm and steady, even as her hands began to shake a little. "But I don't care to fight with you, Mrs. Nott." She drew her shoulders back, trying to fake a confidence she couldn't quite bring herself to feel under the other witch's judgmental stare. "Say whatever you've come here to say, and be done with it."
A slow, slightly devious smile flitted across her mother in law's face, making Lily recall, in a startling instant of absolute clarity, just how cruel, petty, and downright mean Cordelia Nott could be, even if she no longer loathed her completely. And that smile and her beady, calculating stare, reminded the redhead to remain conscious of any traps. After all, it wasn't as if she hadn't almost fallen for her husband's lies and theatrics not so long ago, and his mother was far more experienced and adept at manipulation and verbal degradation.
"Certainly, if that is what you truly desire, Lily," Cordelia said after a long pause where the redhead began to squirm in place, confidence shredding as fast as she'd conjured it. "I shall merely remind you of the vows, those binding magical vows, you spoke on your wedding day."
"What about them?" Lily demanded when her mother in law merely smiled evilly at her, looking smug.
Cordelia's grin widened to almost terrifying proportions, and Lily felt a chill shiver down her spine once more as the horrid witch leaned in, close enough to whisper, "The only way out of them is through death." She leaned back, even as Lily's face went pale and her heart skipped a beat. "I thought you'd have known, of course, my dear. But by all means, best of luck when you face the Wizengamot. I'm sure I'll be looking forward to your imminent return to our illustrious house not long thereafter."
The redhead's hands were trembling and her heart seemed to thud unnaturally loud in her ears as Cordelia swept past her at last, leaving Lily standing in the middle of Diagon Alley on the precipice of an anxiety attack, the hopelessness and fear threatening to crush her right there. She knew she'd taken the most intense and complex bonding ceremony with her hopefully soon to be ex-husband, and she'd been aware they were lifelong vows, because he'd told her as much when suggesting the idea in the wedding planning phase of their courtship. He'd sold her on it, claiming they'd been a Nott family tradition for centuries, and at the time, Lily had seen no harm in bonding her soul, forever more, to the wizard she thought would be her lifelong partner. Hindsight, as it were, was a much clearer image of the probable truth. Because Lily was positive Thaddeus had suggested those traditional vows, because it made a divorce practically impossible in future, and not so much because he wanted to love her until they were old and grey together.
She felt nausea spike in her belly and turned on the spot, Disapparating to the one place she felt safe, enough to break down at least, intent on locking herself in her room and hiding under the covers for the foreseeable future. She was terrified to keep pushing forward, now that she was unsure if she'd ever truly be free of her husband and his horrible mother, and the urge to give up, because who was she kidding she wasn't nearly strong enough to do this, left her numb.
In her almost blind panic to get herself safely locked away, Lily didn't pay attention to her surroundings as she dashed from Scorpius's front room down the short hallway, and definitely didn't notice the blond head poke out from the bathroom door. She screamed as, quite suddenly, strong arms wrapped around her, halting her forward momentum just inches from her safe haven, and the tears she'd been holding back burst free in a torrent. The redheaded witch struggled for a beat, then sank to the floor, her sobs rendering her immobile as the horrifying reality of her situation began to spiral through her mind, all the negative thoughts she'd been working on pushing aside or ignoring coming back with a vengeance.
It was several moments before she realized the person who'd grabbed her was Scorpius, and once she realized, by the distinctive smell of his cologne and the soft sound of him murmuring she would be alright, it was safe, and she just needed to breathe, she felt her anxiety calm, even as the tears continued to pour from her eyes. "It's okay, everything's going to be okay, Lily," Scorpius breathed, smoothing a gentle hand over her hair, pulling her closer against his chest as they sat on the floor in his hallway. Lily buried her face into his dark blue tee, trying to get a hold on herself and her swirling, spiralling thoughts long enough to ask the question she was desperate to hear the answer for.
"What if I c-can't break the stupid v-vows, Scorpius?" she asked through a broken sob, furiously wiping her cheeks as even more tears raced, scalding hot and unceasing, in the wake of her attempt at self control. "What if I'm s-stuck being married to, to him, and I'll never be f-free?" She gulped rapidly, trying not to let the hysteria and panic building in her chest once more, hearing her mother in law's voice all over again, saying death was the only way free of Thaddeus. She pulled back and looked into his steady, dark grey gaze, the one thing that was slowly becoming the only thing that could calm her and center her in the worst moments. "What if I took the kind of vows that make me bonded to him forever? What if it doesn't work?"
Scorpius stared at her for a beat, and she felt his arms tighten around her, and then he said, very slowly and evenly, "No matter what happens, Lily, there's a way out. There's always a way out. I promise." She could see, though, despite his calm, reassuring facade, a part of Scorpius was rattled by her admission. He was probably as familiar with the old vows and binding ceremonies as her husband had been, and she knew just from her meager research thus far on the subject, some of the older, less modern set of vows during a magical binding ceremony, made it all but impossible to dissolve them. There was, upon bonding, simply too much melding of their fundamental magic to attempt to separate her from Thaddeus. Lily hadn't thought she'd taken those kinds of vows, but now, she was terrified she had, and there really was no escape from her marriage. And if she couldn't be free⦠The redhead shuddered at thoughts of where that idea could lead.
The redhead buried her face back into his shirt, the tears far from over, even as she, against her conscious will, imagined every one of the myriad worst case scenarios that could come during or after her divorce hearing. It was only a few weeks away, and Lily, while feeling cautiously optimistic before, was now convinced she'd only make a fool of herself. And if her marriage vows couldn't be broken, and she couldn't be free of Thaddeus, she knew it really would only be a matter of time before he forced her hand, and she had to return to him. And then, Lily was certain, the only way out would be through death.
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