So Long and Goodnight

written by: albe-chan

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction and I do NOT own Harry Potter or any of the characters mentioned, I am making no money from this, and any similarities with real life are purely coincidental. This work will contain MATURE THEMES, such as coarse language, mature subject matter (scenes containing graphic sex, non-consensual sex and sexual acts, nudity, etc.), and mildly graphic violence. Please, if you are not over the age of 18, or of majority in your country, DO NOT READ THIS! You have been warned!

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Chapter Nineteen - December

The redhead felt herself shivering, ever so slightly, and cursed the damnable tremor in her limbs, because she felt no fear or insecurity whatsoever. She had made the decision to, at last, seduce her stoic and seemingly celibate saviour turned friend, and she didn't want him to think she was afraid, or worse, clinging to him for the wrong reasons. Lily knew Scorpius was interested, because she wasn't blind, or oblivious, and she'd been feeling the growing attraction simmering between them for months now. And now that she finally felt, since the time he'd kissed her last week to be precise, he was actually interested in the same way she was in him and she was as close to ready as she would ever be, Lily was determined. She would at least, now that she was truly free, give it her very best shot. And hell, she'd been seeing him often enough that she was comfortable enough with him, and his steady presence, that her curiosity on what taking things to a physical level would be like had spiralled almost out of control.

She purposefully tamped down and drowned out the internal voices that told her she was too unattractive for a wizard like Scorpius, too damaged for such a perfectly understanding man, and most definitely, not at all correct in thinking anyone could like her, let alone maybe one day love her, ever again. She was, afterall, a divorcee, and was still elbow-deep in counselling for her past traumas, and it was pathetic that she thought Scorpius, after seeing what he had, and her at her lowest, would ever truly be interested in anything past maybe a one-time lay.

The wizard was perhaps the very best man, and human being, to her and everyone else he ever interacted with, and she… Well, she wasn't. She certainly had more than her fair share of emotional baggage and she'd been pretty much living with him like a refugee for months now. And despite trying hard to combat that little inner voice that told her she was worthless, and deserved nothing, Lily still couldn't find one reason - other than easy, no-strings sex - for Scorpius to want anything at all romantic with her. Even if she secretly dreamed of it, in the dark of night, when there was no reason simply not to and absolutely nothing to stop her.

She gulped, telling herself, even if it felt flimsy and rang not quite true now, that she deserved this, and was not going to make a fool of herself and ruin the only relationship with someone not related to her that she'd maintained throughout the last year and its ups and downs. And besides, it wasn't like there wasn't the tiniest bit of Scorpius that was interested in her. She'd seen the looks, first, and then the innocent touches that were gentle and hesitant, but felt heavy with unspoken words of curious wanting. Not to mention the three lovely, almost terrifyingly perfect, times Scorpius had kissed her and she, like a desperate woman who was starved for the slightest ounce of love, had melted into him, her heart wanting and hoping despite her head resolutely damning her a fool for it.

The redheaded witch forced a breath out in a huff of mild irritation, glared at her reflection in the mirror, and told herself to stop overthinking, and just go out there and do it already. With one last deep breath, Lily pushed her way out of the bathroom and padded down the hall, to where she knew Scorpius would still be sitting up, going over his itemized lists from the Lestrange vault, checking off items he'd catalogued and removed the curses from.

Indeed, when she got to the living area, Lily found Scorpius sitting on the couch, frowning at his notebook and lists thoughtfully, looking as handsome as he ever had to her suddenly excited libido. Although she felt another tremor of nerves, the most terrified part of her trying to get her to stop, she pushed onward, and walked right up to the blond where he lounged on the sofa, trying not to feel equally foolish and embarrassed, and put her hands on her hips.

After what felt an eternity to Lily, but was perhaps only a few seconds, Scorpius, seemingly sensing her presence, glanced up. She tried to suppress her smile, even as her cheeks burned with a blush at his expression; his handsome face was definitely shocked, with a dash of confusion in the tilt of his eyebrows and the tiniest sparkle of awe in his eyes.

"Lily," he breathed after a long moment the redhead held her own breath for. "I…"

She was tempted to tease him about being speechless, but instead Lily leaned down, purposely giving him an extravagant eyeful of her cleavage in her best bra, and kissed the still somewhat stupefied looking blond gently. She was, despite her currently surging bravery, still too afraid to be so bold as to snog him, but still wanted to get her point across. That she wanted him, and was willing to give herself to him.

"If you want me to stop," she said, trying to sound confident and sure of herself, "you can tell me," she continued, biting her lower lip briefly, before leaning in and kissing him again, harder this time, praying that she wouldn't be rejected, then breaking away and sliding her slip up and over her head before climbing into Scorpius's lap. "But I don't want you to stop," she whispered, watching his steady grey eyes devouring her in naught but her lingerie. It was a lacy little black set, something she picked especially to entice, and had bought while feeling like she was just throwing away galleons at the same time.

Her heart soared as Scorpius, groaning and cursing under his breath, pulled her closer, weaving one hand into her hair to cup the nape of her neck, while the other cupped her jaw tenderly. And even as Lily melted, she realized that, despite the blatant offer, Scorpius seemed hesitant to explore her the way she'd hoped he would.

Her mouth curved up against his as she grasped his hand with her own, guiding it down from her face and over her breast, and she felt his pause. To underline her point once and for all, she pressed his hands against her flesh before releasing. He fondled her again, of his own volition, and Lily was not only probably far too turned on, but utterly pleased with herself. Scorpius let his hand trail down from her breast to her waist and then groaned in an undertone, "Fuck, Lily," as her hips rolled enticingly into him.

"That's more like it," she whispered, smiling again even as Scorpius pulled back to stare at her, the awe now outweighing any of his shock or confusion. She bit her lip, then decided if she was in for a penny, she might as well be in for a pound, and reached behind herself. Her bra unclasped with the efficiency of someone who dealt with them every day, and she slipped the garment off even as a blush stained her cheeks again. "I'm going to be plain with you, Scorpius," she murmured, even as she forced that terrified sliver of herself that longed for self preservation and limiting any sort of emotional risk into silence. "I want you to fuck me," she said after a beat of hesitance, and then grasped his hand once more, weaving her fingers into his, as if to suggest that, despite her crude wording, she might be serious about wanting to have sex with him, even if it could only be once and it was a laughably foolish idea.

Scorpius could only sit back, feeling not just turned on, and horny beyond all measure, but also the slightest bit terrified. Not just that he'd somehow fuck this all up, this tenuous balance he'd struck with Lily, if he did as he wanted and took advantage of the opportunity that literally sat in his lap and tempted him beyond measure. But also, somehow, that not taking advantage of this very real and utterly alluring moment would somehow make things between him and Lily even worse. That, somehow, things between them could be broken even worse if he rejected her now, when she'd finally given the entirety of her whole self to him freely.

Sure, there had been moments before he'd given in to the urges to be with her, and certainly that time that he could only recall with pleasant emotions that he'd kissed Lily, and snogged her, and even hesitantly touched her. All the while knowing just how fragile she could be, but knowing also that she was utterly resilient, and no matter what happened, she would pull herself back up and be better after it. But now, with her sitting there, topless and asking him flat out to take her, as he'd longed to do for much more time than he'd ever admit to, he didn't know what to do.

His cock, speaking on behalf of his baser desires and physical self, was demanding to kiss her senseless, to strip the last of her clothing off of her, and fuck her twelve ways to Sunday. Preferably more than once.

His brain was screaming at him to dissuade her, knowing all that he did of her history and that he could and undoubtedly would lose control if he gave in, because this was a big step. That and she had obviously had too much wine with dinner, and there was a very real chance she'd hate him for it in the morning. For taking advantage. His heart was torn in two, wanting to show her just how deep his feelings ran through physical touch, but also beyond afraid to hurt her, in any way shape or form.

Even as he realized he'd spent far too long in his own head, weighing his options as to what to do, he saw Lily shift back, curling in on herself ever so slightly, arms rising to cover her exposed flesh. "Lily," he breathed, in the same moment she stood up from his lap, looking equally crestfallen and embarrassed.

"Nevermind," she said, sounding both brusque and dismissively, while also alternatively with a wavering tone that hinted at the level of shame, embarrassment and outright shock that he'd refused her, "I'll just…go."

"Lily," he repeated, standing up even as she stood and pulled back from him, quickly retrieving her clothing and putting it on with haste. The redhead shook her head, her mouth set in a firm line.

Lily told herself she wouldn't cry as she quickly covered back up, determined not to take this rejection personally, despite the fact the tears began to sting her eyes almost immediately. It was perfectly reasonable that he wasn't interested, and it was fine that he wasn't. She was only hurt because it had been a blow to her ego, that was all. And she had just sort of thrown herself at him, really, Scorpius was perfectly at liberty to reject her. Not to mention, she'd half expected this outcome anyway, right? Who could ever want you? The sick little voice in her head that still sounded suspiciously like her ex husband chose that moment to pipe up and Lily had to physically bite her tongue to stop the sob that tried to well up.

"Lily," Scorpius said yet again, and she heard him rising and moving toward her, but she quickly put her hand up, halting him. She was just unable to look at him, unwilling to see confirmation from his face betraying pity that she really was just a pathetic and worthless excuse for a woman no one would think to look twice at. "Lily, I-"

"I'm sorry," she gasped, interrupting him, then whirled away with the crack of Apparition, immediately blocking her Floo and locking it for the night once she got to her flat. Already the tears had started, and she made no effort to stop them as she crawled into bed and let her despair and misery wash over her.

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"Well well well," came a horrible drawl from behind Lily, and she turned abruptly from Scorpius, whom she knew had made her blush, the likes of which was surely still staining her cheeks. She came almost face to face with her ex husband for the first time since she'd last seen him on that fateful and glorious day their wedding bonding had been unravelled and undone completely, and Lily had felt as if she'd finally been a free woman. Seeing Thaddeus in the flesh, now, didn't improve her previous impression of him. Thaddeus was unshaven and looked like he hadn't slept well, with bloodshot blue eyes and a sneer that curled his upper lip derisively.

"What do you want?" Scorpius snarled, making Lily's hackles raise in a natural and defensive way, even as she fought to control the years of conditioning to stop it.

Thaddeus's brows raised at the aggressive tone the other blond pureblood took against him immediately, even if Lily knew she would undoubtedly feel the same had she been in Scorpius's shoes in their current location and situation. "From you, Malfoy?" Thaddeus drawled, then smirked cruelly. "Absolutely nothing. Because that's precisely what you are to me. Nothing." His blue eyes seemed to lock onto Lily's hazel gaze, and then he added, low and menacing and in a tone that promised she would regret everything thus far, "There are, however, a few things I'd like from you, Lily."

Lily cleared her throat awkwardly, two different parts of her warring within whether or not to say something. But when both wizards looked at her, and she felt Scorpius's comforting strength beside her, the part she'd kept repressed far too long ended up winning out as she glared into those entrancing blue eyes that had, at one time, promised her everything and anything she could've hoped for.

"Shut the fuck up," she said with determination and intention, knowing immediately by the way her husband's face shifted into that hateful pureblood mask that made him seem impenetrably inhuman that just a month ago she'd have never even thought those words, let alone said them. But the part of Lily she'd been nurturing and growing since her divorce, through therapy and relearning how to feel her emotions properly without repressing them, suddenly couldn't be quelled.

Thaddeus's mouth dropped open in pure shock for a beat, before snapping shut and clenching, but the redheaded witch took strength from the feeling of gratification that was coursing through her. Finally, after what felt like a whole separate lifetime, feeling like she had the upper hand in this now thoroughly destroyed relationship. And with that feeling, her tongue couldn't be bitten as her mouth ran away from her, and she just let her fury fly.

"Fuck you, Thad. Fuck you, and your Mom, and your stupid House, and your job, and every other part of you," Lily snapped, her pulse thundering, even as a tiny sliver of her felt nothing but naked terror, while the majority was just furious that somehow, still, after everything, her piece of shit ex husband was expecting to get his way. And while she knew it would piss the bastard off more than anything else might, and could even make the verdict of today's Wizengamot hearing possibly go against what she wanted and wished for, Lily just couldn't help herself. "Just fuck off, Thaddeus," she sighed, suddenly tired and seeing this wizard for the man he actually was, and not the persona he'd tried to keep her placated with for far too long.

She heard Scorpius, who was standing at her elbow, choke on a laugh that he tried to play off as a cough, and smiled prettily, even as Thaddeus's face went red and he all but swelled with indignation.

"Turns out you never were good enough, honey. But as the gods are my witness, I'll see you ruined for what you've done, Lily," he hissed, even as the lift dinged with the arrival of the Head Auror and Thaddeus's legal counsel, and he glanced around nervously.

"So long, Thad," she replied simply, seeing him freeze at the use of his nickname she'd called him in those blissful, early years of their marriage. "I think we both know you're not going to be free for much longer, so…" She shrugged. "So long, and goodnight, and fuck you."

His face twisted into a menacing snarl for a beat, but then he merely stomped off toward the doors into the courtroom, leaving Lily feeling like she had, somehow, gotten the tiniest piece of closure from what would be a relationship that left scars for the rest of her life. The redhead let out a breath, hands trembling with adrenaline the tiniest bit, and tried to tell herself to get it together before she went into court to witness whether or not justice would be served against the loathable human she'd once thought she loved.

"What a piece of shit," she breathed to herself, hearing Scorpius snort with amusement again. She turned to face him, smiling a little sheepishly, because that tiny sliver of her that had been terrified of upsetting the wizard she'd once called her beloved husband, made her now feel guilty for finally telling Thaddeus how she truly felt, completely unfiltered. "I mean-"

Before she could say what she was going to attempt to guiltily justify about her words, however, was suddenly caught off guard by Scorpius kissing her, firm and with purpose, on the mouth in the next breath. She gasped a little, then melted against the familiar and yet still wholly unmapped planes of the tall blond, then groaned into his mouth when he slid his tongue effortlessly into her mouth, snogging her slowly and absolutely silly.

"I love you," he said for the first time after they broke apart, and while Scorpius felt the tiniest bit like he might regret the words bursting from him that he'd held back too long, he couldn't bring himself to care. Not in the radiant light of existence next to Lily, knowing her strength, seeing her resilience, and knowing she was so utterly perfect without anyone or anything else attached to her. She was simply it for him. The measure against which every other woman would be tested, and undoubtedly found wanting.

"Scorpius," she breathed, meeting his eyes with her wide hazel ones, a slow smile hinting at one corner of her mouth. "I, I…" He smirked, because she seemed rendered speechless.

"Have dinner with me; tonight. Please. I know this is probably very sudden for you, and I would never rush things but please say you'll have dinner with me, Lily," Scorpius said all in one breath, his heart beating far too fast and his nerves climbing as Lily looked down. Shit. This was neither the time, nor place. They were in the middle of a Ministry corridor, about to go into court proceedings for Thaddeus's assault against him, and Lily had probably only come to wish him luck. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

Scorpius found himself cut off abruptly as Lily jolted up on her toes and kissed him, and Scorpius was certain if he died in that moment, it would be from sheer joy. "I'll have dinner with you," she said after breaking away, her smile now full blown. "As for the rest of it, I suppose we'll figure it out together."

Scorpius found he rather liked the sound of that.

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