A/N: Thank you, Julie. As always.

Review replies are not forgotten. I just thought with the lack of Cupcake right now, maybe you'd forgive me if I posted instead. :) And lets just say that my 16 hour work day yesterday is a good representation of the coming month or so. No violins please, I LOVE my jobs. (Yes, plural since I'm self-employed.) I just wanted you to know why I am taking so long to get things done.

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A Change In Me

Chapter Fourteen


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My mother invited Joe to stay over at our house on Christmas Eve so that he could see Sophia open presents from Santa. I immediately insisted that Dickie stay over as well. This turned into a huge fight with my parents about where Dickie would be sleeping. I gave in and agreed that Dickie could sleep in Val's room and Joe would take the couch. Then Val and Steve announced they would be staying over as well since it would be their last Christmas in Jersey. Dickie suggested that he go home, but at that point, I was refusing to give in again. Ultimately, we agreed that Sophia would sleep with me and Dickie could sleep on the floor in my room. Sometimes I wondered about my parents. First it's fine that I stay over at Dickie's but it's not fine that he stays with me at their house. And it's not like anyone would think I was still a virgin.

Midnight Mass was always one of my favorite church experiences. I loved seeing the children singing, and I was looking forward to next year when Sophia would be old enough to join in some of the festivities. And this year, I didn't have to hide from the Morellis, something that the large number of parishioners on Christmas Eve usually helped me easily achieve but had still been a stressful event. In fact, Joe's family and my family all sat in the same section. Sophia sat between Joe and me and I could tell she was in heaven having her entire family surrounding her for the first time.

Once we made it back home, Joe volunteered to put Sophia to bed, which was basically carrying her up to our room. She had passed out almost the moment she was buckled into her car seat. Everyone else was pretty tired as well so they all went straight to bed. My parents had offered to take the baby for the night to give Val and Steve a break. Dickie helped me make the couch up for Joe while we waited for him to come back down.

It was only slightly awkward when the three of us said our goodnights. But Dickie and I quickly made our way upstairs, leaving Joe to get himself ready to sleep. Of course, Joe had put Sophia in my bed. I would bet good money my mother had told him to do that. He probably loved it.

I looked at Dickie and nodded towards Sophia. "You want to move her?"

"It's fine, Stephanie. I think we should just abide by their rules for tonight."

"I want to sleep with you," I whined.

He crossed over and kissed me sweetly. "You will. Just not tonight." He stepped back and started making his bed with the blankets and pillows Mom had left on Sophia's bed. "Besides, I wouldn't put it past your mom to check on us. And she will definitely ask Sophia in the morning where she slept."

"You're right." I yawned. "I'm about ready to pass out. Love you."

"You too," he said softly and then tucked me into the bed next to Sophia.

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I woke up about 4:30 in the morning to the sound of Angie crying. I gently rolled Sophia over and away from me and then stepped over Dickie, who was snoring and completely oblivious to the baby crying in the next room.

I had just quietly shut my door when I turned to see Mom stepping into the hall with Angie. She smiled at me as she swayed back and forth with my still whimpering niece.

"I'll take her, Mom."

"No, it's fine. Go back to bed."

"Mom, you were up all day yesterday cooking and cleaning. I don't mind. I'm already up."

She smiled. "I didn't think she'd wake you. Is Dickie up too?"

"No. He and Sophia are both out cold." I reached for Angie. "Go on. Go back to bed. I kind of want to take her."

"Okay, then. Thanks, Stephanie." She handed me the fussy baby, and I stuck her pacifier back into her mouth as I cradled her close. "And Merry Christmas, sweetheart."

"Merry Christmas, Mom."

I carefully headed down the stairs with Angie. It took me back four years. Sophia had been only a few months older on her first Christmas. I stepped into the living room and almost jumped when I saw Joe on the couch. I had forgotten he was there, but with the Christmas tree still lit, it was easy to see him. I wondered if it had been hard for him to fall asleep with the lights. Watching him for a moment, I could see how beautiful a man he really was. I knew it would just be a matter of time before he found someone. I was sure even being the father of my child would not deter almost any of the women he would meet. He was hot as hell and a good man on top of that. How could anyone resist him? I rolled my eyes. He wasn't perfect. And I needed to stop thinking about him like that. Not only did it make me feel queasy to think about him finding someone, but it was really none of my business.

Angie spat out her pacifier and started to cry again. I quickly made my way into the kitchen where I could heat up one of her bottles. I had just settled into the chair and started feeding her when the kitchen door opened slowly. I figured it would be Val. She probably couldn't stand to not be taking care of Angie.

Joe peeked his head around the swinging door. "Hey. I thought I heard someone in here." He looked at the baby, and his face warmed up with a soft smile.

"I volunteered to take her. I thought I'd let Mom sleep. And well, you've seen Steve and Val. They look like crap."

He came all the way in and stood in front of me. "At least Steve is helping her. My brothers never got up in the middle of the night. And I know this because sometimes they would even come back to Ma's to sleep."

"Wow. That's pretty … selfish."

"Well, that's Tony and Paul." He yawned into his fist and then looked back down at me and Angie. "You look like you've done this a few times."

"It's been a while." I smiled down at the baby and stroked her fuzzy hair. "I nursed though. I was actually really surprised that Val didn't." I looked back up at him and caught him giving me a sad look. "What?"

He quietly pulled a chair over and sat right in front of me. "Something else I missed."

"Me nursing? I doubt I would have let you watch. It was kind of weird when someone else was around."

His eyes crinkled with his smile, but his mouth seemed forced into the familiar curve. "How long did you nurse her?"

"About a year. Only at night for the last few months though. She always went down so much quicker with me than with a bottle."

He leaned one arm on the table and rested his head against his hand. "You are a wonderful mother, Stephanie. It's really something. You could have easily let your parents take over. I'm sure you wanted to."

"Yes, I did. But my grandparents were on a mission or something to make me take responsibility. My parents wanted what was best for me and Sophia, but they would have been much more involved if Grandpa and Grandma Mazur hadn't been so adamant that I be in charge."

"With age comes wisdom?"

"I guess. But at the time, I just wanted my mom to help me. Or really just to do everything."

"I bet that was hard on your mother to step back."

"I think that was when she started drinking."

He chuckled. "Not when she found out you were pregnant?"

"No. She became like this supermom. She put me on a diet and made sure I was taking my vitamins and sleeping and exercising. It was so overwhelming that I considered telling your mom the truth and asking if I could move in with her."

At that, he laughed out loud. Angie jerked her head away from the bottle and then started crying when she realized that her milk was no longer there. Joe cringed, but then he leaned forward and took her little hand.

"Do you mind if I try?" he asked softly and then cooed at Angie.

I lifted my brows at him. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I've held my nieces and nephews before, but it's been a while. I feel like I missed so much and … I don't know. It's stupid." He looked down.

"I'm sorry, Joe." I lifted Angie up and placed her in his arms. "You don't need to explain."

And he didn't. Because in the darkness of the early winter morning, or maybe it was the magic that comes only on Christmas, but there in my mother's kitchen it almost felt like we were sharing a long lost moment with Sophia. We could pretend that he had been there at least once during the night. That I hadn't been alone with her and half out of my mind trying to finish high school without any sleep. That one of those fantasies of mine had come true.

He gave me a soft smile as he took the baby and leaned back into his chair, watching her happily suck on the bottle. "She's so tiny. So light."

I leaned on the table and watched him with her. "You're a pretty amazing father. I don't tell you that enough. But you really are."

He glanced up at me and grinned. "Thank you. I am so in love with her, I can't imagine not being there for her."

"I know. And I am so glad that you are part of our lives."

"Me too."

We spent the rest of the hours until everyone else woke up talking about our time apart. I told him all about every little funny thing Sophia had said or done that I could think of. I told him about her getting really sick for the first time and how terrified I had been. I told him about feeling her kick me when I was pregnant and the strangeness and wondrousness of having a person growing inside of you. Joe told me about the scar in his eyebrow. He told me about his travels with the Navy, about how he still loved the ocean even after having been on it for so long. Then he told me how happy he was to become a police officer, to be almost the antithesis of his name.

"What made you want to be a cop?"

"When I first got to training, I was a total asshole, despite my whole motivation of joining the Navy being to avoid becoming an asshole." He shook his head. "I think even me breathing pissed off my commanding officer by the end of that first week."

"What were you doing?"

"Just being a punk." He smirked. "I'm lucky they didn't send me packing." He huffed. "Actually, I was lucky I didn't walk out the first time they told me I could go."

"They do that?"

"Not really. They were just messing with me. Wanting to see me quit." He sighed. "Then one of the Recruit Division Commanders, RDC Brimson, called me to his office one morning and sat me down. He told me to knock the chip off my shoulder and 'let the rules work their fiery magic and refine my stupid ass'."

I smiled in amusement.

"Yeah, he had a way with words. He's probably the most poetic military man you'd ever meet." He chuckled softly, and then peeked at Angie to make sure she was still sleeping peacefully in his arms. "He told me that whatever kind of daddy issues I had would need to be disposed of immediately and that if I wanted to know real power, I would learn what it meant to actually control myself."

"Daddy issues?" I said with wide eyes.

"Yeah. He had my file. I'm sure he knew that Rocco was dead."

I blinked at him in surprise. "I've never heard you call him that."

He gave me a sad smile. "Being a father has only made me truly realize how little he deserved that title."

"Oh."

"Anyway, I knew he was right. And he must be pretty smart, because one mention of Rocco and all I wanted to do was succeed. I was driven to not be the next Morelli loser. And then I actually started to appreciate those rules, just like he said I would. It didn't take long for me to realize that what really drew me to service was the serving part. I liked feeling like I was helping people. Protecting people. And from there it wasn't too much of a leap to want to go into law enforcement."

"It makes sense, but I still sometimes can't believe you're a please officer." I smiled broadly.

"Please don't ever correct that," he begged. "I just melt when she says that."

"I know. And have you heard her say miffins?"

"Miffins?"

"Yeah, when it snows she says, 'Muffs and miffins, Mommy'."

"She's so freaking cute."

"Yeah, we made a pretty good one." I immediately blushed. I hardly ever let myself acknowledge that part of Joe and I being Sophia's parents. The part about actually having had sex. At least never to him.

He gave me his soft smile and then shifted the baby to his shoulder, kissing her head. He didn't bother saying anything, and I was glad for it.

For the first time since he returned, I felt like we were picking up where we left off. We were becoming friends again. And instead of it making me angry about what we had missed, I felt happy that we could continue to have something special. For Sophia.

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OoOoO

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Christmas was perfect. Everyone was happy and making all their best efforts to get along, not only for Sophia but also for Val and Steve. I never thought I would miss my sister, but I was dreading her moving so far away. It was really nice to get to spend one last holiday with her and my precious little niece.

Sophia cried three times from being so happy, but Joe was starting to learn how to snap her out of it with Eskimo kisses and a few light tickles. One of her happy tears moments was because Dickie bought her one of the gifts she had begged Santa for at the mall: one of those huge Barbie doll heads. I let Santa get her the clothes. She was girly enough to not think that she was getting ripped off. And there was no way I was letting Santa get the credit for the really good stuff anyway. The only problem with Dickie's gift was that it came in a large box, and for some reason, Sophia was convinced it was a puppy. Of course, she wouldn't understand that a puppy would not only require air holes but would not have waited quietly and patiently for all her other gifts to be opened. But she was so thrilled with the Barbie head, she soon forgot about the puppy. Or at least for a while she did.

After opening the last of her gifts, she pouted out her lower lip and looked at Joe. "Did you get me a puppy?"

His whole body sagged, and I could see he felt guilty. "No, princess. I got you the games and the baby doll, remember?"

She crossed her arms and jutted her lip out just a little further. "Yeah." Then she suddenly ran over to Dickie, a flirtatious grin on her face.

If this was four, what on earth would fourteen look like?

"DD?" she asked sweetly. He glanced over her head at me and smiled. We all knew what was coming next. Or at least part of it. "Will you get me a puppy for my wedding present?"

"Wedding present?" I asked. "Are you getting married, bug?"

She rolled her eyes at me. A first. My mom and dad both started laughing.

"No, Mommy. Not yet. I'm going to marry Daddy when I grow up." She batted her lashes at Joe, who practically melted. "But you said there'll be presents at the wedding." She smiled at Dickie again. "I want a puppy for my present. Grampy won't let me have one here."

Dad snorted. "That's right. You can get one when you move out."

She ran over to Dad and kissed his cheeks. "I'll let you play with it even though you don't like puppies."

He pulled her up on his lap and hugged her. "As long as I get to see you too, angel."

"Oh, Grampy. I'll come visit." She giggled and then snuggled into his arms.

I looked over at Joe, who was watching Sophia closely. He looked upset again. I caught his eye and lifted my brows, but he only gave me a weak smile.

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I offered to gather up the discarded wrapping paper and take it to the garbage, and I had just turned back to the house from the can by the garage when Joe and Dickie came out the back door.

"We need to discuss this puppy issue," Dickie stated as he pulled me into him and rubbed my arms to keep me warm.

"We do?"

He looked over at Joe briefly. "I can't have a dog in my house, Stephanie. I'm highly allergic and I refuse to live on medicine."

I chose to ignore the whole 'my house' part and went straight to the freaking out over not getting a dog. "What! But I have promised her a puppy for … forever. She never stops asking for one."

Joe stepped closer to us. "What about a poodle? Or some other kind of dog that is hypo-allergenic?"

I smiled brightly at Joe and looked back up at Dickie. "Oh, that's perfect! You can do that, can't you?"

Dickie frowned for a moment. "Maybe." He looked at Joe and then back at me. "We can consider a hypo-allergenic dog, but I'm not really a fan of dogs in general."

"I'll be the one taking care of it," I promised. "Don't worry about that."

"Okay. We'll think about it." He kissed my forehead and then started to pull me into the house.

"Just a second," I said softly once we were at the back door. "I think Joe is upset about something."

Dickie huffed. "God forbid."

"Go inside. The cold is making you cranky." I lifted a brow at him, but he just turned and went into the house.

"Joe, you okay?"

He smiled another half-ass smile. "Yeah. I think I might go home for a while before we have to be at Ma's."

"Okay," I said more like a question. "You sure?"

"I feel a little like I shouldn't be here."

"What? Why would you feel that way?"

"I don't know. This was really nice seeing her open her gifts this morning, but maybe next year I will just wait for her to come over in the afternoon."

"I'm glad you're here, Joe. And Sophia would have been really upset if you weren't."

"Yeah. I … don't think she will mind if I leave."

"Why would you say that?"

"It's nothing."

I frowned at him and wrapped my arms around me to fight the chill. "Listen, I know you think that you let her down or something because you didn't get her a puppy, but please don't let her get to you. She loved her presents from you. Trust me. I know when she is happiest. And unfortunately, she's kind of developing a manipulative streak when it comes to you. You need to be ready to disappoint her sometimes, Joe. She thinks she can control you."

He laughed. "I think she can."

My teeth chattered, and I started hopping to stay warm. "I need to get back inside."

Joe suddenly stepped up to me. He stood right over me, and instantly I was seventeen again, standing in the back of the Tasty Pastry. Thank God he didn't have that coat on. Ugh. The coat. I hadn't thought about that in a long time. He must have outgrown it. Another blessing.

He placed his hands on my face, and I instinctively closed my eyes. I felt his breath against my face, but his lips gently brushed my cheek, close to my ear. Then he whispered, "Thank you for today. Thank you for this morning. Thank you for … everything, Stephanie."

Then he pulled away and scooted me back into the house. Pushing all thoughts out of my mind about how I had wanted that kiss to be more, I helped Sophia set up her toys in the living room. Joe left soon after with promises to come back in a few hours to pick up Sophia to go to his mother's house.

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OoOoO

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The New Year's Eve party for Kreiner and Kreiner was held downtown at some fancy restaurant. I was not feeling well, and I didn't really want to go, but Dickie informed me that it was important for us to at least put in an appearance. I bought the most fabulous cocktail dress, and that did perk me up a bit. We arrived a little late to the dinner, but Dickie didn't seem to mind since it was because we had had a quickie on the dining room table before we left. Well, we tried. The table about fell apart underneath us and we had to move to the couch to finish. My elegant updo had come undone, but Dickie preferred my hair down – or at least he preferred us not being any later than we were going to be.

I was starting to feel queasy again after dinner and made my way to the ladies' room. I wasn't that sick, but I felt like I was fighting something. My nose was red from me blowing it, and I was glad that I brought my concealer and powder with me. When I finally looked passable again, I tried to find Dickie amongst the now-dancing crowd.

I gave up after several minutes since it was making me feel tired again, and I found a chair that hadn't been cleared with the dining tables. I was kind of hidden behind a pillar, but I didn't have the energy to move my chair. Once I had sat down, it was as if my body gave out. I leaned my head against my hand with my arm draped over the back of the chair. I could probably fall asleep if Dickie didn't find me soon.

"She's definitely better than that woman you were with when you were hired," some man said from the other side of the pillar, sounding like he had been partying like it was 1999 since October.

"I know. And have you seen her tits? Absolutely perfect." It was Dickie. I smiled to myself at his compliment about my chest.

"She's a bit young, but I suppose that makes her easier to handle." They both laughed, and I made a mental note to ask Dickie about that later. "I think Kreiner Senior really likes her."

"Of course he does. She looks just like his wife did. Have you not noticed it?" I frowned. I hadn't met Mrs. Kreiner. Did I really look like her?

"Oh, man! I never noticed. But you're right. No wonder he thinks she's great." I tilted my head in a way that said 'well duh". "Do you really think he loved his wife that much? That he has never moved on? If you know what I mean …"

"It's not my concern. He believes in all that true love shit. And I want him to like me. It doesn't hurt that Steph reminds him of his dead wife. And besides that, she's a very good person. She's exactly the type of woman I need." Awe. That was sweet. And a little creepy that I looked like someone's dead wife.

"Yeah, I'm sure she doesn't know about you-know-what then."

"No. And she doesn't need to know." Okay, wait a minute! What the hell is he talking about now? "I think that's why I love her. She's beautiful. She's takes care of me. And she's young enough to –"

"Dickie!" some woman shrieked, clearly drunk. Great. Just as he was about to say something I could really hold over his head.

"Diane," he said smoothly.

"Where's that lovely fiancée of yours?" I remembered the way she had hung all over Dickie at the Ryder's dinner party. What a fake bitch!

"I think she went to the restroom." Yeah, like a half hour ago.

"I was just in there. She's not there. I wanted to tell her how much I loooved her dress." I wanted to tell her how much I loooooved being engaged to Dickie. That would shut her up. Maybe.

"Oh. Excuse me then. I need to find her. She's not been feeling well." That's right! I am way more important than her!

"Oh! Is she pregnant? She is, isn't she?" Diane shrilled, a little too happily.

"No, Diane. Not yet at least." He laughed and then patted the other guy's back, I assumed. "You need to slow down, Gary. Your wife saw us coming out of the kitchen."

"Yeah, yeah. Go find your girl. And lick those luscious tits for me tonight." Eww.

"Gary!" Diane admonished, another lame attempt at trying to act normal around Dickie.

"Happy new year," Dickie said and then walked away.

I shrunk further into my seat until they were gone. I needed to relocate and quick! I stood up and about fell over. I think I was getting a serious head cold. Damn it! I slunk along the room until I found another hidden place and another chair, which I pulled into my new nook. But not before someone spotted me.

"Oh, Stephanie! You doing okay?" Felicia asked. She had always been nice, even if she was also kind of shallow.

"I'm just getting tired and maybe fighting a cold."

She pulled back, as if she was going to get sick from being within five feet of me. "Oh dear. You should have Dickie take you home."

"I think I will." I smiled as I sat down in my chair.

Then three other women joined her, effectively blocking me off from the rest of the room. Oh well. Maybe one of them would find Dickie for me.

"Oh, Steph! Diane was looking for you." A tall blonde smiled before tossing back the rest of her champagne.

"Oh?"

"Yes. She always wanted him to date her. She's just a jealous bitch. Don't worry, we'll protect you from her." They all laughed at that.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"And we just wanted to tell you that we think you are so good for Dickie. He's been so much more …" She frowned. "More …."

"Less wild," supplied Blonde Number Two.

"Oh, for sure," Brunette agreed. "He's so much calmer since he met you. And since Mr. Kreiner loves you, well, I think Dickie has chilled out a bit."

"Chilled out? What do you mean?"

"He's very ambitious – which I'm sure you know – and he was driving our husbands crazy when they first hired him. He thinks he's going to be partner before he's forty." She laughed at the absurdity of that statement. I had no idea if that was overly ambitious, but I knew Dickie did have real plans to move up quickly within the firm.

"And then he brought that woman to the banquet last spring! Remember her?" Felicia asked the others, who all nodded and made various noises of disapproval.

"Who was that?"

"Oh, what was her name?" Felicia asked herself. "Oh! Janice. I think. Or maybe it was just because she reminded me of Janice on 'Friends'."

I laughed at that. I couldn't imagine Dickie with someone with such an obnoxious personality. He was very particular and I would think that strong of a personality would clash with his.

"Oh. My. Gawd!" Blonde Number One mimicked and we all laughed, Number One doing a spot-on impersonation of the Janice machine gun laugh.

"Oh, she was awful. She thought she was so hot, too. Remember?" Felicia continued smugly, followed by another round of yeses and snorts of disgust. "Oh, and she had the most hideous shade of bright red hair! Natural, my ass!"

We all laughed again. "What happened to her?" I asked, truly curious since Dickie hadn't ever mentioned a redhead in his past.

They all kept laughing, muttering about him ditching her, but I noticed the brunette looked away. I was just about to say something to her when Dickie walked up.

"There's my beautiful fiancée." He stepped between the women and they all gushed as he pulled me up and kissed my forehead, making a fuss over me.

He turned back to the women and gave them a charming smile. "I think I need to get Stephanie home. If you will excuse us. Do you mind telling everyone we needed to leave?"

"You can tell Mr. Kreiner, Dickie," I offered, even though now that I was standing, I felt even worse.

He looked over at me and brushed my hair from my forehead. "I think you look like you're about ready to pass out. Let me get you home so I can take care of you."

The women fawned over him and how caring he was. I felt a swoosh of pride, but that also may have been my dinner ready to make a reappearance.

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When we made it back to his house, I immediately went upstairs and flopped onto Dickie's bed.

"You need to change first, Steph."

"I can't. Too tired." I felt him sit down on the other side of the bed.

"I'll help you, but then you can help me."

I lifted my head from the pillow and gave him a questioning look.

"Come on, Steph. It's the fucking new millennium and we're here. Let's at least ring in the new year together."

"We're here because I feel like shit. What do you mean 'together'?"

He leaned over and started unzipping my dress. "I think you'll figure it out."

After probably the worst sex of my life, I finally was able to go to sleep. I felt so crappy that I wanted to either cry or pass out. I think I was moments away from doing both. Dickie headed downstairs to do I had no idea what after he kissed my forehead and told me to get some rest. I wanted to tell him that I had been well on my way to doing just that before he insisted on letting his balls drop for the New Year, but I couldn't begin to imagine the conversation that would start. Instead I gave him a small smile and rolled over, dragging the blankets over my head.

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OoOoO

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Things were tense between Dickie and me for the next several days. I had been beyond upset at what had happened on New Year's Eve. He had treated me like some kind of sex toy as far as I was concerned, but I was too humiliated to tell him how he had made me feel. The next day he had been pretty sweet, but it only left me confused. So instead of dealing with it, I avoided him.

It wasn't too hard to stay busy. My shift at the hospital was switched to a later start time, which meant that I was no longer home in time for dinner. I hated missing that with Sophia, but I made it home in time to read to her and put her to bed most nights. And I also was able to spend more time with her in the mornings. I even had lunch with her occasionally. It wasn't what I really wanted to happen, but it also opened the door for Sophia to be alone with Joe more. Mom wasn't thrilled about this, but she eventually relented and let Joe take Sophia more and more. Even Mrs. Morelli was starting to pick her up in the afternoons. I was kind of glad to miss those visits.

It was actually a relief to not have to be around Joe as much. Besides the fact that Dickie did not understand at all why I ever needed to be around him, I wasn't super comfortable being with him either. I felt like Christmas morning had been a really good step for us toward becoming friends again. But I also felt more and more confused about my reactions to him. Joe seemed to take our truce as a sign that he could be more affectionate. It wasn't like he was hugging me all the time, but he would just find ways to touch me. I'm not even sure if he was aware of it most of the time. That wasn't really the problem. The real problem was how aware of those innocent touches I was. It made me feel guilty. Like I was doing something wrong. And then that made me feel really confused, because there was nothing actually going on and the fact that I felt guilty made me only feel guiltier.

I had worked really hard to stop loving Joe. People that say they just fell out of love are full of shit. It takes time and effort to stop feeling love. I had wished with all my heart that I would just wake up and forget him, that I would really believe that Rick was the father. But the heart doesn't forget, maybe ever. It was on Sophia's second birthday that I had finally felt for the first time that I didn't want Joe anymore. I had heard he had come home, and I wanted him to call me or come see me so bad. But he had only been home for two days, and he never called me. He obviously never showed up either. So as I helped Sophia blow out her candles, I wished for my heart to finally be done with him. And it was. By the time Dickie came along, I was more than ready to start over again with someone new.

Up until then, there had always been a little voice in the back of my head that would wonder, what if. What if Joe came back and wanted to be a family? What if Joe was actually in love with me? What if it had all been a terrible misunderstanding? And the real confusion came now because it appeared that the answer to all those questions was yes. I still didn't know all the facts about what had happened with his girlfriend back then, and he had never claimed to still love me or want us to be a family. But he had loved me before, or at least he had convinced himself that he did. And he said he would have been there for us. It was … bittersweet. And it made me feel like I was playing with fire every time I let him touch my arm or tug one of my curls. When I really thought about it, I couldn't help but ask myself why I kept risking the burn.

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Thank you! I hope you enjoyed it - let me know in a review!

I spent like two hours looking into the naval academy and what the officers are called. Either I'm an idiot or I was looking in the wrong places, but I could not find anything that indicated how a naval recruit would refer to his training officers. (I am probably not even saying THIS right!) And by refer to them, I mean in speech, not their official titles, etc. So I am sorry if I missed that. Two hours for one sentence - this should tell you why I am slow to post. Well that, or that I really am an idiot. :)