A/N: So I've been replying to reviews tonight, and I just realized that I owe reviews from 2 chapters ago! I'm so sorry for my lack of response. I promise I will try to be more on top of things in the future.

This chapter is a continuation from Chapter 14, not the Joe one-shot. Sorry for any confusion.

Thank you, Julie! I'm so glad to have your input.

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A Change In Me

Chapter Fifteen


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"I have a surprise for you," Dickie said with a sweet smile.

We hadn't much time alone since New Year's, and I knew he was trying to make up to me. Joe had Sophia for the weekend so our Saturday was completely free to be together.

I gave him a small smile. "Is it more sex when I'm half asleep tonight?"

He frowned, his eyes narrowing briefly before another saccharine smile covered his face. "No, it's for this afternoon."

"So, the sex is still on the table?"

"Not after New Year's," he said with a chuckle and pulled me to him. "Or did you forget the great sex we had earlier that evening, resulting in a very broken table."

My blush spread quickly down my throat. I had forgotten about that. "So … we're buying a new table today?"

"Well, I guess we could do that this weekend. But I have something much more enjoyable planned for this afternoon."

I almost brought up the midnight disaster one more time, but I just didn't want to fight with him. I could tell he wanted to move on, and the truth was that I did too.

"Okay," I said with a huff and turned around to face him. "What is it?"

"Well, someone may have reserved a time for us to sample wedding cakes in about thirty minutes?" He leaned down and gave me a smirk.

"Cake? Like … lots of different kinds of cakes?"

"Yes."

"Big Red makes the most amazing amaretto frosting."

"Oh." He scrunched up his face. "I made us an appointment at La Patisserie."

"But your Mom said we could use Big Red."

"Yes, of course. I just thought you'd want to try something new. I'm sure you've tasted every type of cake Loretta makes." Dickie refused to call her Big Red. But since he hadn't made me say Claire-Claire, I figured I wouldn't press it.

"I guess." I sighed. It was tempting, very tempting. Cake was my weakness. "But you can never let her know."

"Promise," he replied happily. "Oh, and you don't mention that we are getting married in Lake Mohawk."

"Why not?"

"I don't think they will be wanting to give us free samples if we are not even having our wedding here."

"Good point." I closed my eyes and smiled, picturing all the wonderful cakes in my near future. "You shouldn't have let me eat lunch."

"Stephanie, I love you," he said sincerely but then ruined it with a squeeze to my rear. "But I don't think you need to be filling up on cake."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that it's not healthy. I want you to take care of yourself." Another squeeze.

"You want me to stay thin," I said accusingly.

"Of course I want you stay thin!"

"I can't believe you."

"Oh, I see. You want me to get fat? You know I'm careful with what I eat so I can stay in shape. I sit at a desk all day. I have to be strict with my food."

"And I work on my feet all day."

"Yes, you're right," he replied drolly. "I've never seen a fat nurse before."

"Fine. I already watch what I eat, Dickie. Sophia doesn't need all that sugar, and if I'm not eating it, then she's not. You know that. But this is different. I just want to enjoy myself today and not worry about fitting into my wedding gown for five seconds. Okay?"

"So you finally picked one?"

"No."

"Tick tock, Stephanie. You need to get that done."

"I know. And I will in the next week. Mom made me promise we would pick it with Val before she leaves."

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By the time Joe dropped off Sophia on Sunday evening, things had smoothed over between Dickie and me. Dickie even made an effort to be friendly to Joe, making some small talk about a big case his firm was involved with. The cake sampling had been wonderful, but when Dickie let me pick out an entire new dining set for "our" house, I decided to forgive him for his bad behavior.

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OoOoO

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My mom also decided to throw my bridal shower in January since Val was moving at the end of the month. Val didn't think she would be able to make two trips back to Jersey, and I obviously wanted her to be at the wedding. So I allowed the two of them to plan my shower, and I insisted that they keep it simple. It's not as if I wouldn't be having an awesome bachelorette party courtesy of Mary Lou.

Grandma Mazur was in charge of bringing me to the party, and she showed up wearing a hot pink negligee over her tan turtleneck and pants, almost creating the illusion that she was nude. I bit my lip to hold back my laughter, but Sophia was beyond amused.

"Nana! You're wearing funny clothes!" She giggled loudly and then began dancing around the living room.

"Yeah, Grandma. Please don't tell me this is going to be one of those kinds of showers. I do have Sophia with me."

"Oh, Stephanie, have a sense of humor. If we can't buy you naughty gifts, at least I can have fun dressing the part."

"Mommy, what are naughty gifts?"

I shot a withering look at Grandma, but she was busy applying a fresh coat of matching hot pink lipstick.

"They're … um … things you wouldn't want to get."

"Like what?"

"Like underwear," Grandma answered and wriggled her brows at me. "Wouldn't you rather get toys than underwear?" Then she laughed loudly. "Well, some kinds of toys."

Sophia gave her a confused look before turning back to me. "I don't want underwear for my wedding presents."

"Okay, bug. I'll make sure you don't get any."

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We made our way to Starve The Apothecary, a teashop that hosted small events. It was really pretty, and definitely more something Val would like, but I appreciated that they had gone to the trouble of finding a nice location to host the shower. Mom met us at the door and immediately placed a tiara on my head. Sophia was not too pleased that she did not have one either, but I told her she could have it after if she behaved.

I had made it three steps into the shop when Mrs. Morelli came up to me and hugged me.

I stared at her in shock. "Mrs. Morelli? I didn't expect you to be here."

"Your mother invited me." She gave me a pleasant smile and I struggled to return it.

"She did?"

"Yes. She called me personally. And Bella is here too." She continued to smile, but I saw a glimmer of something in her eye that betrayed how happy she actually was, having her mother-in-law with her.

"Wow. That's … great." I couldn't believe my mother invited them. What was she thinking?

"Stephanie, I hope you don't think it's inappropriate for us to be here. Even though I would have preferred this to be under different circumstances, you are still the mother of my grandchild. And I would like us to have a good relationship."

"Angie," Bella barked from behind me and made me practically jump out of my skin.

I turned around and forced a smile down at the small yet intimidating woman. "Hi, Grandma Bella?" I was never sure what to call her. Sophia had decided to just call her Bella. I think she thought that Grandma Bella was magical or something and that she was the real Belle from "Beauty and the Beast".

"You can call me Bella, Stephanie. We are family." She gave me a funny smile.

"Okaaay?" I hoped she wasn't trying that eye thing on me.

"Bella, I was just telling Stephanie that I wanted us to have a good relationship with her … even if she is marrying someone else."

I whipped back around to Mrs. Morelli. "What are you saying?"

Bella came around me to stand next to Mrs. Morelli. Taking my hand, she stared deeply into my eyes. "I tell her to leave it alone. That the heart knows what it wants, but she does not listen to me."

Mrs. Morelli frowned. "Well, clearly her heart –"

"Il cuore non sbaglia mai," Bella returned forcefully.

"Questo è il mio punto," Mrs. Morelli.

Bella chuckled softly. "Amore nuovo va e viene, vecchio amore resta."

Mrs. Morelli lifted her brows at Bella, looking completely unimpressed. "You speak in riddles that mean nothing In the real world." She looked over at me. "I'm so sorry, Stephanie. Please forgive us. We will let you greet the rest of your guests."

"All right." I smiled and nodded, even though I had no idea what they had been saying.

I wondered if Joe spoke Italian fluently. I knew he could speak some. He had mumbled some Italian phrases during our second round at the Tasty Pastry. I blushed as I recalled those moments together. As a rule, I tried to never think about any of the details of that night. Sophia was all the detail I needed.

Bella squeezed my hand and winked at me before turning to follow Mrs. Morelli. It felt like she had just read my mind, and that both freaked me out and embarrassed me at the same time.

Mom and Val quickly ushered me through the rest of the room, greeting all the guests. I was so glad to see Mary Lou. She was the only person there who could keep me calm during this well-intentioned, but highly stressful afternoon. Of course, Dickie's mother was in attendance. I had seen her only once since Thanksgiving, at his house for an awkwardly silent Christmas dinner. I was hoping that this would be the last time I would see her until the wedding.

"Judith," I said brightly. "I am so glad you could make it. I know it's not great weather to travel from Mohawk Lake."

"Well, we were visiting Claire-Claire in Hopatcong. It was simple enough to get on the highway from there."

"Yes, of course. I know Dickie was looking forward to some racquetball with Bing."

I had insisted that Dickie try to mend his relationship with his father. Dickie half-heartedly agreed, but I knew he also wanted the chance to beat his dad at the sport.

"Yes, boys will be boys," she drolled and gave me a half-smile.

"So did Claire come as well?" I refused to say that stupid name. So far no one had corrected me.

"No, she had to take the girls to ballet class."

"Oh. I bet they look so adorable in their tutus. Sophia loves to dress up like a ballerina. Maybe we should consider putting her in class in the next few years."

She frowned. "She should be in class already. Dancers must begin training as early as possible if there is any hope of having a career. Her body will not develop properly if she does not begin before puberty."

"Well, she's only four. I think we have some time before puberty hits."

She sniffed. "She's your child. I'm sure you will do what is best for her."

Translate that into: She's not my grandchild. You can screw her up however you want.

"Did you meet my sister yet?" I turned and scanned the room. "Val! I want you to meet Judith."

Thank goodness Val came over immediately and began discussing the spring line at Bergdorf's. I figured the less I said the better my relationship would be with Judith so I feigned hearing someone call for me and fled.

Mary Lou sat on my side, whispering sarcastic comments throughout the party. It was exactly what I needed. Val was perched on my other side, writing down all my gifts and who had given them. It kept her busy and feeling useful. And Mom had Angie in her arms, so that only left Grandma free to make offhanded comments and humiliate me. Mrs. Morelli and Bella kept Sophia entertained for most of the shower, which was really helpful. My mother had brought a gift for Sophia, a pair of dressy shoes and a matching purse. But as much as she loved them, they were not going to keep her occupied.

After I opened yet another picture frame and smiled graciously, Val jumped up and announced that it was time to play a game.

Mary Lou thrust a cup of punch into my hand. "Here, Steph."

I scrunched my brows at her. "I already have one."

"Not like this, you don't."

"Really?"

"You might need it."

"Why?" I asked, wondering what she was referring to.

"Stephanie, I have to get going." Judith crossed over to me and gave me one of those hands on shoulders hugs. "Bing wants to make it back in time for cards this evening. It was a lovely shower, and it was nice to meet your colorful family."

"Colorful-"

"They are, aren't they?" Mary Lou interjected, with a fake laugh. "You always know you're going to have fun with the Plums!" She giggled and then gave me a wide-eyed look before downing her punch.

"Thank you, Judith, for the silver tea set. It's very pretty. I bet it will come in handy when we host parties for Dickie's firm." I couldn't imagine inviting those pretentious women into my home.

"You're welcome." She paused, looking unsure of how to make her escape. "Enjoy the rest of your day." And then she turned quickly and left.

"Thanks, Mare. I was about to go off on her."

"You weren't kidding about that stick up her ass." Mary Lou placed a hand on her chest and mimicked Judith's snobby speaking voice. "Lake Mohawk is so well-preserved because of its exclusive membership regulations."

"Really, darling, I'm not surprised Dickie has fallen for you. He's always had such a soft spot for stray dogs and such."

We leaned into each other laughing at that. Especially since she had pretty much said that to my mother earlier.

"Stephanie! I need you to come to the center of the room." Val smiled broadly, her hands behind her back.

Mary Lou produced another special cup and I grabbed it and knocked it back, trying not to wince when I realized it was more vodka than punch. Everyone was giggling as I made my way to the center of the room. I had no idea what Valerie had in store for me. But considering it was Val, I didn't think it would be too bad.

She produced a roll of toilet paper from behind her back. "We're going to make your wedding dress!"

"You're what?"

"Everyone gets a roll of paper," she said to the room. "Mom has a basket of paper. And some of you can make a dress for Sophia." She beckoned Sophia to come to her. "You want a fancy paper dress, sweetie?"

"Yes!" She jumped up and down and started twirling until Val gently stopped her.

"Can you make Mrs. Mazur one too?" Bella asked pointedly, earning several titters from the other women close to her. Everyone turned to the Morellis, but Angie wouldn't make eye contact and Bella smiled innocently.

Mom led Grandma over to me to start my "dress" with a quiet command for her to behave. I also discouraged Grandma from retaliating, which did little good since she shared with me that payback would be best when the "old bat" least suspected it.

After suffering the joy of being trussed up in bathroom tissue by my friends and family, I was made to sit through an extremely uncomfortable reading of the soundtrack of my wedding night, based on my responses to my gifts as I opened them. Of course, Grandma was the one to read it, and she insisted that she act out most of it as well. Thankfully, Bella stormed out of the room with Sophia in tow as soon as Grandma took center stage.

Valerie cleared her throat. "The first thing Stephanie will say to Dickie once they are ready to begin their wedding night will be …"

"I didn't expect so many people, thank you so much!" Grandma giggled.

Everyone laughed loudly as I tried not to squirm in my seat.

Val continued with, "Dickie will slowly undress Stephanie from her wedding gown and then she will start with his pants saying …"

"Who wrapped this? I just want to get it open," Grandma said dramatically while tugging on her pink negligee.

Mrs. Morelli tittered and then hid her face behind her punch. I took another cup from Mary Lou and downed it.

"Once Dickie is undressed, Stephanie will take a good look at her new husband and exclaim…."

"Wow! I never had one of these," Grandma fanned herself. Then she stage-whispered, "Well, unless there's something wrong with Joseph, we all know that's not true."

I noticed Mrs. Morelli didn't think that was as funny. Ha! I wondered if I should admit that there was absolutely nothing wrong with her son in that department. Better not. She already seemed disappointed that we weren't together.

Val snickered and then continued. "Once Dickie has Stephanie in bed, she will quietly wonder …"

Grandma placed a hand to her head and sighed. "What are you supposed to do with that?"

"And once Dickie has shown her …" She wriggled her brows.

"Oh, I love these! Thank you! I really wanted one of these!"

It continued for several more minutes. It felt more like hours. At one point, I had to point out I never said one of their comments, and Mary Lou admitted to editing it to make it more fun. Traitor. I thought she was the one on my side. Grandma finished with a little strip tease, accidentally breaking one of the straps of her negligee. Mom whisked her away and the party went back to mingling and eating.

Finally, after the torture – I mean, game – portion of the shower was concluded, I cornered Val in the hall.

"Do you realize how humiliating that was? I didn't do this to you at your showers. Not even the baby shower which that game is supposed to go with!"

"It's not as if we could have played it at your baby shower," she answered sincerely. "What?"

I glared at her. "I was actually going to miss you. Thanks for making our separation that much easier to accept."

"Oh, Stephanie, chill out. Everyone was enjoying themselves. It was funny, and even Mrs. Morelli laughed at some of it."

"Fine." I placed a hand to my forehead. "What exactly are the Morellis doing here anyway?"

We both looked around the hall to make sure we weren't being heard. Val leaned in to me, and immediately, I was curious about what she knew.

"Mrs. Morelli made a comment to Mom about it being a shame that you and Joe couldn't work things out and become a real family."

I blinked at her. "You're kidding?"

"Nope. And then Mom said that if Joe had been a better man, then you would have been waiting for him." She shook her head. "Then she said that they should be grateful you were marrying such an understanding man who was willing to share Sophia."

"What?" I huffed. "Was she drinking?"

"No. I think Mrs. Morelli commented on you playing games with Joe."

"What? She has some nerve. She knows that he wrote that crap about me all over town. Maybe she should know about Becky." I arched a brow at Val in triumph.

"Who's Becky?"

I crossed my arms and sighed in frustration. I didn't want to rehash what had happened. It was water under the bridge. Checking the hall once more for any other guests, I changed the subject back. "Val, this doesn't make sense. How did this end up with them at my shower?"

"Well, eventually it turned into some bonding moment about being Sophia's grandmothers. Or at least that is the way Mom tells it." She shrugged.

"But?"

"But I think Mom wanted them to see you were moving on and marrying a rich lawyer."

"Hmm." I sighed. "So this was a chance for Mom to show them up?"

"I guess. But they did give you a really nice gift. And I do think it's good for Sophia to see that her family is happy for you."

"Yeah. But it's so weird. I didn't think Mrs. Morelli liked me."

"Steph, look at the women Joe has dated."

"Thanks," I muttered. "And what do you mean, the women he has dated? Who has he dated? He's only been back for six months. Other than that woman from the station, I don't know of any others." The woman from the station, a.k.a. Jessica, the girl who liked to "go at it".

"Stephanie, he is dating other women."

I rolled my eyes like I didn't care. "I'm sure he is."

She laughed softly. "I ran into Mrs. Friolli at the dry cleaners, and she said something about Joe dating her niece," she explained. "I think she wanted you to know. She kept asking about how it was working out with Joe coming back into your life."

"I think the Burg can't decide if they are happy he is Sophia's father or not. I think they think I've ruined him, now that he's come home a hero. Like he's the one who is going to have it so hard having to deal with a child he didn't know about. What about him leaving me pregnant and alone?"

"Okay, maybe three people think that, and they all have daughters or nieces who they want to see him with. And when have you cared what the Burg thinks?"

"I don't," I lied. Normally, she was right. I didn't care. But when it came to Joe, I never could just let things go.

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When we finally made it back home, I thought about what Mrs. Morelli had said about me. Was I playing games with Joe? I didn't think so. Sometimes I felt he was playing games with me. Not just those innocent touches and lingering looks either. Even though I hadn't seen much of him since Christmas, he did seem to be the one who determined how often we saw each other. Like he always had. It was always me waiting for him. Well, I was done with that game.

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OoOoO

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Sometimes it seemed like the universe was against me. Okay, maybe a lot of the time, but the day after my shower felt like another cosmic slap in the face. I hadn't said Becky's name out loud pretty much since the night I saw Joe at that party, and I hadn't seen her in years either. And then once I said it, there she was. And there he was. Again. They weren't playing tonsil hockey like the last time I saw them together, but they were hugging.

I was leaving the library, having returned Sophia's books. Next door was a coffee shop where they had just exited, holding their stupid matching cups. I actually dropped my keys when I noticed the scene in front of me. It was shocking how quickly it took me back to that night. Took me back to the heartbreak. I shouldn't have felt those things; I should have been past it. But I wasn't and before I could stop myself, I had gunned the car into reverse and threw a glare right at Joe. I may have flipped him off too.

It didn't take long for Joe to catch up with me. He showed at up at the house within twenty minutes. Thankfully, no one was home. Sophia and Mom were visiting Grandma and Grandpa.

"Please, Stephanie. Please, let me explain."

"It doesn't matter." I stood at the door, arms crossed, and refusing to let him in.

"It does matter. It matters to me." He ran his hands through his hair. "We had such a great talk at Christmas. I thought we were making progress. I thought you were starting to see that I'm not the guy you think I am. I deserve a chance to defend myself."

With a roll of my eyes, I stepped back and gestured for him to enter. "Fine."

He walked into the living room and sat on the arm of the couch. "Becky is no one to me. She is back in town to visit her mother. She is happily married and if you had stuck around for just thirty more seconds, you would have seen her husband join us."

"Joe, this is stupid. You can see whoever you want, married or not. I don't care." I leaned against the stair rail, trying hard to seem unaffected. Even though my reaction at the library was a pretty good indication of my feelings.

"Yes, you do. You care because you think I cheated on you with her that winter."

"No, Joe. I know you cheated on her with me!" I shouted, throwing my arms out and practically pounding my chest. There went that not caring act.

He groaned in frustration. "I never cheated on anyone, Stephanie. Never. You know what kind of man I grew up with. Do you honestly think I want to be anything like him?"

"It hasn't stopped your brothers."

He hung his head, and I felt guilty for saying that. He never talked about his brothers, ever. But it was fairly well known in the Burg that they were turning into less violent versions of their father. Both of their wives were often openly pitied amongst the women of the Burg.

He looked up at me nodding, a sad smile on his face. "You're right. They're not good husbands. They also are not me. I may have had some wild days before I left for the Navy, but they never involved cheating on you."

"On her," I threw in once more. I couldn't let it go, and I couldn't understand why he kept switching our roles.

He took a deep breath. He was getting frustrated. Good. That made two of us. I just wanted to end this conversation and make him leave.

Finally, he stared at me with a small smile, gesturing for me to sit as well. I refused with a lift of my brow and began tapping my foot.

"Stephanie, it was always you. You always were the one I wanted. Becky was … she was easy and fun. And I dated her that summer, but I broke it off with her. Repeatedly. I started seeing you at the bakery. And I knew. I knew that I was falling for you. And I'm not exactly proud of how I treated Becky, but she knew precisely what was happening between us. We were lovers and that's it. I made it abundantly clear to her that I was not committed to her."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "And she continued to sleep with you?"

He made a small laugh. "Not all girls are like you, Stephanie. You have standards that some don't."

I frowned at that. I wasn't sure I had such high standards. I think I was very capable of being less than honorable. Well, maybe if I had never had Sophia. She kept me on the right path.

He sighed before looking directly at me. "I completely stopped seeing her weeks before we made love."

I flinched at that. It messed with my mind and my version of events to hear him refer to our time together as lovemaking. "That's not what it looked like –"

"No, it's not what it looked like. But it is the truth." He begged me with his eyes to believe him.

I suddenly remember Stacey Tipton telling me they had broken up. I had completely forgotten that conversation until this moment. That whole night, and the last five years, had pretty much erased that entire conversation from my mind. "Then why were you with her?" I demanded.

"She was in my car, in the back seat, hiding. She had been popping up randomly since I ended things. She was desperate to get me back." He looked down at his feet. "You know she wrote to me for over a year after I left?"

I shook my head, both angry at her for going after him and at myself for never even trying to communicate with him. "You wrote each other?"

"I wrote her back a couple of times." He gave me a sheepish smile. "I didn't get a lot of letters other than from my mother."

I walked into the living room and plopped down in a chair. What a shitty situation! All that time I kept Sophia from Joe could have been avoided if I had just written him. Just once. And then to think of him almost completely on his own. Ugh. "I should have written you. I'm sorry."

Joe shifted to the seat of the couch so he could face me. "That's not why I said that. You would have written me if I had not made such a huge mess of things." He leaned forward, arms on his knees. "I saw you at the party. And I was pissed. I had been avoiding you for days, trying to decide what I was going to do. I knew I loved you, but I was terrified of what that meant. And then there you were, dancing the night away with all these guys."

"But you were making out with her!" I spat out.

His whole body sagged, and he sat back into the couch. "I know. I kept thinking that I could forget you. And Becky was very pushy. I think she thought because I hadn't kicked her out of the car, that I was willing to work it out with her before I left. I … I kissed her, but I kept thinking about you. I think I was hoping she would make me forget you. It didn't work."

I clenched my jaw, willing the tears to not start.

He gave me a pained look. "You left with that guy. I didn't know you had seen me. And … it gutted me to see you with him, to know you were going home with him. And now, I hate myself for not stopping you. I knew you better than that. I should have known you were drunk."

"You should have called me days before that and told me you were scared. You should have told me that you didn't want to be tied down while you were gone. I would have understood that, Joe."

"I know. I'm so sorry. So sorry. I will be forever sorry, Stephanie. I lost you that night. And I will always regret that."

I sniffed back some tears. "Thank you for telling me."

"Thank you for listening."

"I … I guess this means I should actually forgive you." I smirked at him.

"Can you?"

"Yes," I nodded. "I lost you that night too, you know?" I blinked back some tears, and then just laughed as I had to wipe them away with my hand. "But now we can be friends. I think we were always meant to be good friends."

He pressed his lips together and nodded. His eyes were downcast, so I couldn't really read his expression. He looked up at me and smiled. "Good friends and parents."

I smiled. "Yes. And parents."

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Thank you! For your patience - and for that review you are going to write! I'm trying to get more done on this so I can start posting again. Now that it's summer, I should be able to do that.

La Patisserie - French for pastry shop. May or may not exist.

Starve the Apothecary - not a real place that I know of, cool name I found from this Chinese proverb, "Drinking a daily cup of tea will surely starve the apothecary."

Here is what Angie and Bella were saying:
Bella: Il cuore non sbaglia mai = The heart never goes wrong. (Meaning) You can never go wrong if you listen to your heart.
Angie: Questo è il mio punto = That's my point.
Bella: Amore nuovo va e viene, vecchio amore resta.= New love comes and goes, old love remains.