A/N: How many of you are surprised I didn't wait another 5 years to post this chapter? Right?
I can't express how much the reviews mean to me. Like imagine what you think it means, then multiply by 10. Thank you so much for the reviews last week. I am intrigued by the Babes that are enjoying this story. Thanks for giving this Cupcake a taste. :)
Now this is when things are going to get a little real for some of you. I really try to be honest with emotions when I'm writing. Let me know if you think that is coming through.
Julie - as always - thanks for any advice that once upon a time you gave on this! I think this is about where you last saw, after this it might be all new!
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A Change In Me
Chapter Eighteen
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The wedding was less than a month away. Other than the last-minute details, I had all the big stuff done. Dress – got it. Bridesmaids' gifts – got it. Cake – got it. Menu – got it. Baby – my late period was telling me that I got one of those too.
I hadn't mentioned anything to Dickie yesterday when I first realized I was late, and I was surprised he wasn't keeping closer track to my cycle. But when there was nothing again this morning, I decided to deal with it and go get a test. Dickie had planned on working from home this afternoon so I took off work early to go and take the test with him. I knew it would mean a lot to him to share that experience. And I was hoping his joy would get me a little more excited about it as well.
When I pulled up to the house and turned off the car, I immediately noticed there was a car in my spot in the drive. I looked over at the plastic bag next to me. My nervousness about the test was quickly shifting into something else, something alarming. I actually had to fight the urge to run. I swallowed back the feeling of dread that had started to churn within me. I took a deep breath and smiled. Maybe if I focused on the happiness I was about to share with Dickie, I could shake the fear that was lurking in the back of my mind.
I grabbed the bag and quickly made my way through the yard to the front door. I almost knocked, but then laughed at myself. I would be moving into this house in just a few weeks. I slipped my key into the lock, and the moment I pushed the door open, I heard a woman's voice. I froze, halfway through the door, and listened. Moaning. My chest started to heave as my breath came short and fast. My eyes started to water and I swiped at my cheek silently. I could tell they were in the dining room. It would only take me five steps to enter the foyer enough to face the arched doorway into the dining room.
I clenched my hand and felt the plastic bag, reminding me why I had come home early. I needed to face this. Even if it was just to confirm that burglars weren't the ones having sex on my dining room table.
I slowly entered the foyer and turned quickly to my right, prepared to see what I could clearly hear. Dickie was pounding into a woman, her legs wrapped around him. She was moaning loudly and he was grunting with each thrust of his hips. I felt my heart almost stop with the sharp pain that cut through me. But it wasn't enough to make me leave.
"Oh, Dickie!" she screamed. "Dickie! You promised me the bed!"
"Shut up, Joyce." He gripped her hips and squeezed until she cried out.
"Hey! No bruises. My boyfriend will notice. You want me to leave a mark on you? I'm sure Stephanie –"
"Don't talk about her! You don't even say her name!" He pulled out and turned her over so she was on her stomach. Then he started pulling on the chain from the collar on her neck. "You're just a dirty whore! A dirty whore who lets me do whatever I want!" He smacked her ass repeatedly until her skin was glowing red. "Isn't that right? You like it freaky, don't you, dirty girl?"
"Yes! Dickie, I love it when -"
"SHUT UP!" He shoved her face into the table, effectively silencing her.
I suddenly felt a prickle of pain in my hand. My nails had cut into my palm. I looked down at the blood, but it didn't faze me. My eyes drifted back up to the graphic scene in front of me, the pain spreading from my chest to my stomach.
"Take it, bitch!" Dickie roared as he came.
"Yes! Yes! Yes!" She screamed into the table.
I suddenly realized that my time had run out. I either needed to face them both or run. All I could think was that I could never marry him. No matter what was in that plastic bag. Before they could separate and notice my presence, I bolted from the house, leaving the door open.
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oOo
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I drove aimlessly for who knows how long. My tears were falling fast and I could barely see the road in front of me at times. I didn't know what to do or where to go. And then I suddenly was at Joe's house. I hadn't even realized that I had been on his street.
I pulled into his drive and parked in the spot that was behind the house. I wasn't even sure if he was home, but I had the key. I think I could safely declare this an emergency. I let myself in the back door and immediately headed for the stairs. I just wanted to lie in Sophia's bed and … I didn't even know.
I had just lay down in her bed when her door burst open. Joe stood with his gun aimed at me, a look of determination on his face. I couldn't even bother with saying anything. I was still crying into her pillow.
Joe dropped his gun to his side and quickly crossed to me. "Oh my God, Stephanie. I thought someone had broken in."
I turned my head to see him better. "I'm sorry," I croaked.
"What's going on?" he asked, his eyes raking over me and looking for some kind of injury I suppose. His eyes found mine again. "Sophia's not –"
"She's fine," I assured him and turned away from him. I curled into a ball, facing the wall. Briefly I noticed that he had already changed the walls to a soft shade of lilac. Of course he had. I was such a failure! Feeling a wracking sob burst through me, I pulled my hands up to my face. I immediately noticed that the small plastic bag was still clutched in my left hand. "Oh God!" I sobbed loudly. I rolled back over just in time to vomit on the floor next to Joe's feet.
"Stephanie, you're scaring me. Talk to me." He crouched down, carefully avoiding my mess. He stroked my hair back from my face. When I just stared past him, he sighed heavily. "I'm going to clean this up. I'll be right back."
I watched him run from the room and listened to his steps thumping down the hall and then the stairs. I tried desperately not to think about the bag in my hands. I focused all my attention on listening for Joe.
He came back pretty quickly and cleaned up the vomit. I watched him with a strange fascination. He kept looking over at me while he cleaned, but I couldn't manage to speak again. I just wanted to watch his hands move over the rug with the rag. He scrubbed the floor and then jumped up to take the supplies and the dirty rag out of the room. He came back again with a candle, a glass of water, and a damp washcloth.
I wiped my face roughly and drank some of the water before curling back into a ball.
Joe crossed over to Sophia's dresser and lit the candle. "Is this okay? It's lavender. It's supposed to be soothing. I light it for Sophia when she takes her bath."
With a weak laugh, I told him, "You're a really good father, Joe."
He frowned. "Talk to me, Stephanie. What's going on?" He came back over and sat on the side of the little bed our daughter slept in.
"I can't."
"What did he do?" he asked, his brows furrowing with a hint of anger.
I rolled onto my back and chuckled. "Is this your detective skills coming out?"
"No." He sighed and then reached out and turned my face towards him. "This is … this is personal. What did he …" He stroked the tears that were still pouring down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry."
"Why?"
"I hoped I was wrong about him."
My mouth twisted as I tried to hold back another round of loud cries.
"You deserve better, Stephanie."
I shook my head. "Maybe he's sorry. I didn't even let him explain."
"You caught him with another woman. Am I right?"
I turned away again and curled back into myself. I could feel Joe moving onto the bed, and then I felt his arms come around me. He pulled me into his chest and held me tight. He didn't say anything until I calmed down.
"My father cheated on my mother all the time. I remember how she would look when she would catch him. I hated him the most for how he made her feel."
"The wedding is in –"
"The wedding is not important right now."
"I can't just –"
"You can."
"You don't understand, Joe. It's not that simple." I gripped the bag more tightly.
Joe slowly pulled my hands down from my neck and pried the bag from my fingers. I could feel him shifting away from me as he turned to lay it on the small bedside table.
"Did you look?" I asked softly.
He stopped moving. "In the bag?"
I heard the plastic crumpling within his hands. I covered my face with my hands and cried.
"Steph? Are you …" He swallowed. "Are you pregnant?"
"I don't know. I might be." I looked over my shoulder. Joe was staring up at the ceiling, his jaw twitching. He looked frustrated and angry.
He shifted his eyes down to me and gave me a small smile. "It doesn't change what he has done, Stephanie."
I nodded. "It was Joyce Barnhardt."
His brows rose. "Joyce?"
"She hates me. Always has. I'm sure she pursued him. She probably seduced him. He probably had no idea that she even knows me."
He sat up and leaned over me. "Does he know that she's not you?" he asked pointedly. "Don't justify this, Stephanie."
"Don't yell at me!"
"I'm sorry," he breathed and then pulled me into his arms as he lay back down. "I'm sorry. Please. Just … I don't want you to go back to him."
"I know." I took a deep breath. "I don't even want to go back to that house, Joe. But …" I sniffed. "What if I'm …" I took a shuddering breath. "What if I'm pregnant? What am I going to do?"
"I hate to say this … but you're going to do what you did with Sophia." He huffed. "But I'm not going anywhere this time. I will be here for you." He tightened his hold on me. "I am here for you, Stephanie. No matter what."
We lay for several minutes in silence. Joe never once let go of me. I would be calm for a few minutes and then another wave of tears would overtake me. Every time I started to cry again, Joe would stroke my head and try to soothe me. I felt like I was betraying Dickie. And then I felt sick as the images of his betrayal would replay in my mind. I wondered if I was being foolish, letting Joe comfort me. Was I wrong to turn to another man when I probably should have been talking to Dickie? I wondered how long it would take for him to notice I was missing. I had left my phone in the car so he couldn't reach me.
I shifted slightly away from him, but Joe's arms stayed firmly in place. My mind kept returning to the dining room, no matter how hard I tried to block it out. It was like I was cataloguing every detail as I replayed it over and over again, picking out things I had missed in my state of shock.
"I noticed that they placed the centerpiece on the buffet. How considerate," I remarked. Then I remembered the time I had found it there only a few weeks ago. I sat up quickly.
Joe sat up and placed his hands on my shoulders. "What is it?"
"It wasn't the first time," I muttered.
"Oh."
I looked up at the ceiling as more tears streaked down my cheeks. "I can never trust him."
"No, you can't," he agreed emphatically.
I looked back at him. "You really don't like him, do you?"
"I can't stand him. I hate the way he treats you. I hate that he thinks that my daughter will forget about me once you all are living together."
"How do you –"
"Stephanie, I'm a really good cop for a rookie. Mostly because I know how to read people. And I have hoped for many months now that my gut was wrong about him."
"You should have said something."
"Really?"
"No. I wouldn't have listened anyway."
He smiled. "I know."
"Can I stay here?"
"Of course. Are you going to call your parents?"
"I don't know." I could see that he was disappointed, but I wasn't sure what to do. "I need some time to think. And I need to … I want to sleep."
He nodded slowly. "You should … Okay. Sleep. I will take care of Sophia and I will let your parents know where you are. Do you want me to move your car?"
"It's behind the house."
"I can put it in the garage. He's going to come here to find you."
"Maybe. He didn't see me. He may not notice anything until –"
"Stephanie, he's going to be calling you at some point. Let me move your car. It will buy you a little more time."
"Okay. My keys are on the counter I think."
"All right." He pulled me into his arms once again. "You're going to get through this. I promise."
"Okay."
I lay in the bed for a long time just staring at the plastic bag. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to be pregnant. If I were, I would be miserable. Because the truth that had been burrowed deep down within me was that I had agreed to another baby because I was afraid. I was afraid that Dickie would change his mind about marrying me if he didn't feel more secure. And I knew he was insecure because of Joe.
I turned back to the wall. Could I really blame Dickie? Who had I run to? Who had I been in love with before? Who had I defended every step of the way when it came to Sophia? Joe. It was always Joe. And a tiny voice in the back of my head whispered that it always would be.
I buried my face in the pillow and screamed. I felt so torn. I wanted so badly to forgive Dickie. I felt like I had pushed him to this. Pushed him to needing to find some kind of power. I hadn't missed how dominating he had been with … her. I think the only reason why I could stand there and watch was that it almost felt like watching strangers. I for sure had never seen that side of him. I had thought that we explored some rougher sex, but I was apparently wrong.
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Sometime later, I rolled back over and looked out the window. It was getting dark, and I realized that I had fallen asleep. I could hear voices coming from downstairs, but I was still lost in the fog of sleep. Thankfully, I had slept well and had not dreamed. I briefly wondered how long the nightmares would stay at bay. I had always been very sensitive to bad dreams. My mom blamed my active imagination.
I noticed that one of the voices was a woman. I rubbed my face and started to sit up. The bedroom door slowly opened and Mary Lou leaned her head around.
"Oh, sweetie." She smiled and then promptly crossed over to me and hugged me. She sat next to me on the bed and waited for me to say something.
I was glad to realize that my tears had dried up. Finally. "Mare, I don't know what to do."
"Joe said you caught him with Joyce."
"Yeah."
"Did you confront him?"
"No." I looked over at her. "I just ran. I think I need to go back over there."
"Not so sure about that." She frowned. "And Joe said that you… um…"
"I might be pregnant. There's the test. That's why I was coming home. I wanted to take the test with him since he was home. My period is late, and I'm never late."
"You want to take it now?" She reached out and took my hand.
"No. I don't want to be pregnant. And I don't want to feel this way when I find out." I rubbed my forehead. "I don't want this baby."
"Steph, are you going to –"
"No. I couldn't do that. I just … I need to talk to Dickie first. He should be the first to find out."
"Should he?" she asked, her voice laced with anger.
"Maybe we can work through this. Maybe he will make this right. I just want him to make this right. I will forgive him. I just want him to make this pain go away."
She sighed and hung her arm around my shoulders. "I am so sorry, Steph. Maybe you should talk to him. But I don't think you should just forget what happened. You need time to know if this is going to work. I think you should at least postpone the wedding."
I huffed loudly. "I don't want to cancel the wedding! I just want to go back to this morning."
"Steph, you can't. And … Joe said you thought it wasn't the first time. Sweetie, you always have said you would not tolerate this. Why are you looking for a way to pretend he didn't hurt you?"
"Because, Mare! Because it does hurt. Because I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't believe I'm right back where I was five years ago. I'm pregnant and alone. Why?" I shook my head. "Why don't they love me?"
"Steph."
"I loved Joe, Mare. I know I never told you very much about us. But I really loved him. And now I love Dickie. I can't just turn those feelings off. I'm not sure if I ever completely …" I sighed. "This is my fault, too. Dickie can tell that I still feel something towards Joe."
Her eyes widened. "You still love Joe?"
"No. I just … I still feel connected to him somehow. It's … it's not love. I made myself stop loving him a long time ago."
"And Dickie gets a free pass because you have a good relationship with Sophie's father?"
I rolled my eyes at her. "No, but he has felt … threatened I think."
"So what!" She jumped up and stood in front of me. "He doesn't get to hurt you because of his insecurities. He doesn't get to just do whatever he wants. And neither do you. That's why I'm not going to let you just brush this under the rug. I love you, Steph. And if I think that you and Dickie can work through this, I will be there to support you both. But only after he has proven that you can trust him again. And that's going to take time. A lot longer than the three weeks until your wedding."
"Geesh. When did you start taking lessons from Oprah?"
She laughed. "Since I decided to move on with or without Lenny. If he can't get off his ass and make some decisions, then I am going to find someone else."
I gaped at her. "You broke up with Lenny?"
"Yep."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"You've been busy. And I'm fine. I miss him. But I want things he doesn't. So I am moving on."
"Wow."
"It sucks, but I think it actually might be working." She smiled. "Either way. I will find someone who will make me happy, or Lenny will get his head out of his ass and man up and marry me."
I laughed. "So romantic."
She sighed. "I do miss him. And I do still love him. But I love me more. And I'm not happy with the way things are. Why would I continue to live like that, making myself miserable? So … I decided to take action." She glanced down at the test.
"I'm still not taking the test."
"Fine. You can take it later. But you still need to decide what you are going to do. Joe said you are staying here. You can come to my house if you want."
"I don't know."
"You really want to work this out with Dickie?"
"I don't know." I grabbed the bag. "I think this will make all the difference."
"So take it and then decide."
"No. I will take it when I'm ready. And for tonight, I just want to stay here."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. Sophia can come over tomorrow and keep me company. I'm not going to go to work."
"Okay. Call me if you need me. For anything." She stepped back and then gave me a funny smile. "You sure you want to stay here?"
"I feel … safe here."
"Uh-huh." She kissed my head and quickly made her way out the door. I could hear her talking with Joe downstairs, but I couldn't make out what they were saying.
I decided to go back to sleep.
"Stephanie, you need to get up."
"No."
"Steph?" Joe asked.
Why were Joe and my mother in my room? I opened my eyes and saw Joe standing over my mother who was sitting next to me. Oh shit. My mother!
"What are you doing here?" I asked as I struggled to sit up.
"Stephanie! I'm here because Dickie showed up at our house tonight, frantic that he had not been able to track you down today."
"Frantic? Interesting." I glanced up at Joe. He was wearing a cool, detached mask.
My mom shook her head. "Why are you hiding out over here?"
"You didn't tell her?" I asked Joe. "You told Mary Lou everything!"
He frowned quickly and then the mask returned. "I didn't know what to do."
"Tell me what?" she asked gently.
"I caught Dickie …" I stopped suddenly. I hadn't realized how effectively I had pushed what happened out of my mind. "He's been cheating." I took several quick breaths. All the emotions from this afternoon were returning, with reinforcements.
Joe crouched down next to me. "Steph, calm down. Slow your breathing. Slow down. Slooow … Dooown. Okay. Good."
I kept my eyes glued to Joe's as he continued to calm me down. He smiled as I started to breath more evenly.
"Stephanie, are you sure?" Mom asked, looking back and forth between Joe and me.
Joe turned to her. "She walked in on him this afternoon."
"Oh, dear God. Oh, oh." She stood up and paced the small room. "I'm … um … I'm calling your father."
"No!"
They both looked at me with concern.
"Why not? He's going to want to know what is happening."
"I don't know what I'm doing yet."
Joe stood up. "You don't know?"
My mother crossed back over to me. "Joseph, I think you should leave us alone. I would like to talk with my daughter. I appreciate your being here for Stephanie, but we need to get her home. And –"
"No, Mom. I don't want to see him yet, and if I go home, he will come over. And I don't want Sophia to know anything is wrong."
Joe threw his hands up in the air, but he walked out and slammed the door behind him.
"This is the last place you need to be. Dickie does not like you being around Joseph. You know that, Stephanie."
"I know."
"Was it just kissing?" she asked, her face full of hope.
"Are you kidding me?" I spat out, anger finding its way back to the forefront of my mind. "Mom, I found him fucking Joyce Barnhardt on the dining room table I picked out last month!"
"Language, Stephanie. You don't need to lower yourself just because you are upset." She cringed. "God, I'm an awful mother. I'm sorry. Go ahead and scream. I feel like cursing him myself." She laughed this high-pitched little laugh. "Damn him! And damn that fucking whore. She has done nothing but torment you since grade school." She quickly crossed herself and started mouthing a prayer.
My jaw dropped open in surprise. Then I started laughing hysterically.
"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry." She came over and hugged me to her. "At least you haven't already married him."
Quickly my laughter turned into a fresh wave of sobs. "Oh, Mom. What am I going to do?" I clung to her, crying into her shoulder. "I think I'm pregnant."
She froze, but had the presence of mind to keep rubbing my back. "Pregnant?"
"Maybe." I pulled away from her and handed her the test. "I haven't taken it yet."
She held it like it was some kind of illegal contraband. "Does he know?"
"That's why I came home early. To take it with him."
She closed her eyes for a moment, collecting her thoughts. "I still think you need to go home."
"Mom –"
"Stephanie, maybe you should … maybe you need to make your decisions without any influences."
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Are you referring to Joe?"
"Well, yes. If you are pregnant, then maybe …"
"I should work this out with Dickie."
I felt so confused. Part of me wanted to believe that maybe it could work. I actually did want to work it out, and I wanted desperately to believe that a baby would help us heal our relationship. But another part of me was terrified of staying with him and allowing him to hurt me again. And if there were a baby, it would be that much worse if he kept cheating. At least Joe wasn't trying to get me pregnant when he broke my heart. I couldn't wrap my brain around what Dickie had been thinking. Why would he even marry me if he couldn't remain faithful?
I sat up completely, putting my feet unsteadily on the floor. "Okay. I'll come home, but I don't want to see him tonight."
"Of course." She helped me up and surprised me once more with another hug. "It's not that I don't trust Joseph. It's that I know how much Dickie can't stand him."
I flinched at that. That had been what Joe said about Dickie. The feelings were completely mutual, and I couldn't really blame either one of them.
She pushed my hair back from my forehead. "If you decide to work on things, I think you need to create some more space between you and Joseph."
"Like before?"
She smiled. "Yes. I know Dickie has expressed his concerns more than once. Maybe this was just a really misguided attempt at making you jealous or making you realize what you have to lose."
I nodded as I thought about what she was saying. "I don't think it was the first time."
"Well, you need to talk to him. And you need to take that test."
"You're right." I gave her a tight smile. "About all of it. I kept choosing Joe over him. It was causing problems, and I just continued to ignore it."
She frowned. "Nothing you did excuses what he has done, Stephanie. Please don't misunderstand me. I just think that if there is a future for you and Dickie, Joseph cannot be part of it – except for being Sophia's father of course."
Joe looked completely flabbergasted when we came downstairs and I told him we were leaving. He started to argue, but my mother quickly informed him that my place was at home, not with him. I could see how that hurt him, but I couldn't deal with anyone else's pain at the moment but my own.
Dickie had called my phone seven times and left me four messages that I deleted without listening. I was beyond grateful to discover that Grandma and Grandpa had taken Sophia for the night. My father looked pretty upset when I entered, but he didn't say anything. I knew he had no idea what was happening, but I think he knew enough to know that I would come to him if I wanted to. I went straight to bed, not even stopping to change out of my clothes.
The next morning, my mother greeted me with breakfast in bed. The tray was filled with my favorite foods. And the pregnancy test.
She gave me a cheerful smile. "I didn't say anything to your father. I figured you should make some decisions first."
I sighed. "I don't want to take the test."
"Stephanie."
"I dreamed about it." I flopped back in the bed. "I dreamed about this baby, Mom."
"And?"
"I don't want it. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know that I would be fooling myself to think this is the right time to be pregnant."
"Well, I can't argue against that."
"I think I'm going to talk to Dickie first."
"He called again this morning. I told him that you came home late and went straight to bed and that I hadn't spoken to you yet."
"Thanks. I have no idea what I'm going to say."
"I wish I could do this for you, Stephanie. I wish I could make it all better."
"Me too, Mom."
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oOo
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Deciding that I should deal with things as soon as possible, I quickly showered and dressed. It was already after eleven by the time I was headed out, so I decided to just go straight to the law firm. Dickie could get away for lunch, and we could have a much-needed conversation.
When I walked into the foyer, I smiled at the receptionist. I didn't even bother stopping, but I did notice that she was staring at me strangely. In fact, I was feeling so uncomfortable that I took the stairs instead of waiting at the elevators. It was only three floors, and I wanted to keep moving.
I was just starting up the last flight of stairs when I heard the door slam above me. Then I heard Dickie.
"I told you last night that we're done."
"Whatever, Dickie. You know you're going to come running back to me like you always do."
It was Joyce. I sat down and put my head between my knees. I guess the good news was I would probably find out the truth.
"Stephanie is going to be my wife, and I think she must be suspecting something. I can't afford for her to find out. Our wedding is in three weeks, Joyce."
I wiped at my cheeks. He wasn't even sorry. He just didn't want to have to explain why I would be leaving him at the altar.
"Yeah, and you've been fucking me behind her back for over three months." I bit my hand to hold back a sob. I felt like the wind had just been knocked from me. Even if it was what I suspected. "What's the big deal, Dickie? She's pissed at you and won't take your calls. That doesn't mean she knows."
"I know, but it's not like her to disappear from her family. What if something happened to Sophia? There's more going on. And I could tell this morning that her mother was covering for her."
"Fine. I'll go away … for now. You better get back in there. She's probably looking for you."
So the receptionist had tipped him off. No wonder he was pushing her down the stairs. I took a deep breath and stood up. "Don't worry," I called up the stairs as I continued plodding up them. "I've already found you."
I walked around the landing and faced them. Dickie looked shocked. Joyce gave me a smug smile. I wanted to rip her face off, but I didn't want to have to actually touch her.
"Dickie, you should trust your instincts. I never would disappear from my family like that. And I didn't need to suspect anything because I caught you yesterday."
Dickie swallowed a few times, but then seemed to find his voice. "Joyce, you need to leave."
"What for?" she said with a laugh.
"We're done. I already told you, and now I'm telling you again."
She rolled her eyes at him before training them on me in triumph. "What was that, Stephanie? A man who loves and respects you?" She smiled and then turned back to Dickie. "Nobody dumps Joyce Barnhardt, especially for trash like her." She tossed her hair back and exited through the door.
It took me a minute to recall what she was referring to. And then I remembered our run-in months ago. What kind of person does that to someone? I had always known she was terrible, but this was beyond my comprehension.
I looked up at Dickie. "Well, at least when you go slumming, you do it right."
He quickly jogged down the steps to me. "Please, forgive me. I dated her before I met you. It was just … we had history. But she means nothing to me. Please, Stephanie. I'll do whatever it takes to make this right."
I shook with a mixture of tears and laughter. "Did she tell you about our history? Huh. It doesn't matter." I ran my hands down my face, wiping away my tears. "Three months? I don't think there's any coming back from that. Did you at least use protection? Or do I need to go and get checked?"
And then I remembered that I might be pregnant. I almost fell over, but Dickie caught me. I pushed him away.
"Oh God!" I cried out as I fell to my knees. "Why?"
Dickie crouched down next to me. "Steph, let me take you home. We shouldn't be doing this here?"
"Doing what?" I shoved him away from me. "FUCKING THAT WHORE!" I screamed. "DICKIE ORR, CHEATING ASSHOLE!" I laughed loudly as I took in his scared face.
"Steph, please. Just come home with me so we can work this out."
"Home? I would rather drink vomit than go into that house again."
He raked his hands through his hair. "What can I do? I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
I stared into his eyes, looking for some kind of sign that I should forgive him. But I couldn't. I could never trust him again. How could I go through with marrying a man who I caught cheating – in the act? How could I raise my daughter to want better than that when I didn't demand it for myself?
I pushed myself up and looked down at him. "Goodbye, Dickie." I started to head back down the stairs.
"Stephanie! Please. Just … we can postpone the wedding. I don't know why I did it. But I won't do it again. I promise."
He ran down the steps past me and held me in place, his hands firmly gripping my shoulders.
"Dickie, I can never trust you again."
"I know I was wrong."
"You know you are caught."
"No, I was ending it. I swear."
"Would you want Sophia to take back a man who cheated on her repeatedly?"
He frowned and hung his head. "Stephanie, I don't know what I would say to her."
I pushed his hands off of me. "What about your child? Would you want your son or daughter to put up with this?"
"This is about me and you."
"Maybe. Maybe not."
His brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"You're smart. I'm sure it won't take long for you to figure out why I was coming home early yesterday." I brushed past him. "It won't change anything."
"What are you talking about?" he asked.
I glanced over my shoulder and saw him pulling at his hair. I took advantage of his distracted state and ran down the stairs as quietly as I could. I kept waiting for him to follow me, but he didn't.
When I made it to the front desk, I walked up to the receptionist and smirked. "I caught him on the stairs. So you're probably fired if he has his say. Nice try, though."
She grimaced at me and then held the phone to her shoulder. "I saw you take the stairs. That's why I told him you were on the elevator. I wanted you to catch him. I'm truly sorry."
I gaped at her. "Oh. Um … I'm sorry."
She nodded with a small smile. "Please don't say that. She … uh … she wasn't the first …" She looked up at the ceiling as a tear slid down her cheek. "I should have come to you before. I am so sorry. I've never done anything like … I'm sorry."
My breath caught in my throat as her confession registered in my beleaguered brain. There was no going back. This only confirmed it.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"I will be."
I couldn't get out of that building fast enough.
Dickie figured out my parting comments pretty quickly after I left. He showed up at Mom and Dad's that night, begging to at least know if he was going to be a father. Thank God Grandma and Grandpa Mazur still had Sophia. Dad slammed the door in his face, telling him to give me some space. Then he came to me and demanded that I take the pregnancy test.
That's when I moved in with Joe.
.
.
.
So no wedding. Sorry to disappoint those Dickie fans out there. Ha!
Thanks for reading. We still have a long road ahead of us, because I don't believe in people just getting over things and perfect happy endings. Not that there won't be a happy ending, but it won't be short and sweet on the way there.
