A/N: Well, if anyone is still out there ...Surprise!
So, my life has changed a lot - went back to school and am finishing a PhD. Recently, in an attempt to avoid my dissertation, I began cleaning out my computer. And well, I found this again. And there was so so much written - just no way to the ending. As of now, I can probably mark this complete in one more good writing session. So I figured ... maybe this will encourage me to get writing my dissertation too!
Recap: Steph slept with Joe on Mother's Day in order to use him to get over Dickie. She completely flipped out the next morning and said some hateful things to Joe. After that she began a downward spiral which ended with her hitting bottom in the last chapter when she left Sophie at home alone.
And now, let's see what Joe was thinking.
A Change In Me
Mini-Cupcake 2
(Morning after Mother's Day)
I stood there staring at the front door, and I couldn't decide which was racing faster, my heart or my mind.
I could have killed her. For that one second, looking into those big blue eyes, listening to her tell me that I was just another Morelli, I really think I could've killed her. Who was I kidding? I didn't want to kill her; I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.
The moment she woke up, I knew I had made a huge mistake. Stephanie was hurting. A lot. And I let her think she was seducing me so I could what? Fuck her into being better? Give her so many orgasms that she fell in love with me? God, I was an idiot.
The problem was that I loved her. God, how I loved that girl. More than ever. And everything I had done pretty much since I met her had given her cause to not trust me. When I thought about my behavior after our night in the Tasty Pastry, it made me sick. If some asshole had done that to Sophia, he'd be begging me to let him die. And then I come back and do what? Nothing. Just stand aside and let that fucking prick wine and dine her, all the while knowing in my gut that he was a worthless piece of shit. Oh, and let's not forget bragging to her about all my hookups.
God, I was an idiot!
The only thing I could do now was give her the space she needed. Hopefully, this would be a wake-up call for her too. We needed to repair our friendship first. I would gladly be her friend if I knew that she was getting better. Even if it was mostly in the hopes we could be together.
~o0o~
A month had passed since that disastrous Mother's Day weekend, and Stephanie had pretty much cut me off. Not that I was surprised. I had hoped by this time, we could be back on the road to friendship, but she didn't seem to want to have anything to do with me. So I had returned the favor since I completely deserved her silence. If by some miracle Stephanie and I could work things out, I knew she needed to get there on her own. No manipulations, no ultimatums. We both needed to be ready and willing to commit. And that was what I wanted. I wanted it all, and I was willing to wait for her. Even if everything about our night together had been a mistake, it also would be a vivid reminder of what I was willing to fight for.
My plan seemed to be working okay. I was fine being single. Well, abstinent. That was something relatively new, but I wanted Stephanie to know that she was worth it to me. Then I caught wind of Stephanie's new gang of friends, and in a moment of resentful anger I agreed to meet some girl my mother thought would be perfect for me.
Heather McDaniels was, in fact, every Burg mother's dream for her son. Ma had brought her up several times already before I had found out Stephanie was dating some college kid. All I knew was that she was not from the Burg and had not yet started dating anyone, much to those Burg mothers' disappointment. I wasn't sure if Ma was happier that I would be seeing "a nice girl for a change" or that she had won bragging rights in snagging Heather first. Regardless, I agreed to meet her for coffee, thinking it would be just that.
"Joe?" A perky blonde smiled across the coffee shop at me. "Hi, I'm Heather."
"Hello," I replied, trying not to instinctually throw in one of my seductive smiles. "I see you already got your drink. Take a seat."
"So my ma —"
"My mom thinks —"
We both froze and then laughed at that. I shook my head and gestured for her to continue.
"My mom thinks that I should be careful around you, Joe Morelli." She squinted her eyes at me playfully. "Are all those rumors true?"
I tried not to groan, remembering that this girl was new to the Burg and probably had only heard the worst of the gossip. "Well, that depends." I lifted my brows at her and took a long drink of my coffee. She simply tilted her head and waited. "Okay. I was a bit wild in high school. Got my high school girlfriend pregnant." Technically Stephanie wasn't my girlfriend, but I wasn't about to open that can of worms. I gauged her reaction, and noticed she didn't seem surprised. "Our daughter is four, almost five. And that's about it. Really."
"That's such a cute age." She smiled broadly. "So no running drugs for the Grizolli's?"
"What!" I barked out loud.
"No prostitute rings?" She continued. "No underground fight club?" She winked at me.
"Well, you know the first rule of fight club?"
She leaned in closer to me. "Just checking."
I chuckled at that, and she blushed. Shit. This was starting to feel like an actual date.
"So about that girlfriend? Your daughter's mother?" She frowned. "I've heard some … sad news about her. Is she doing okay?"
Geez. My gut was telling me that this was sincere, but I couldn't help but smile when I thought about how much Stephanie would hate her right now. "She's doing okay. We …" I blew out a breath.
"Everyone says that you have a real history with her, like … dramatic."
"Everyone says, huh?"
"Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry, Joe. I must sound like the worst person! I'm so embarrassed. I do apologize." She looked at me with round, anxious eyes.
Again. Sincere. I nodded.
"I just … don't do casual - or dramatic. And I," she stopped, opened and closed her mouth. "A friend said she thought that you would get back together now and …" Again, she paused, biting her lip.
This was it. I was going to have to declare that I was over Stephanie when there was apparently some speculation about us getting back together. Whatever I said now would definitely make its way back to Stephanie. I swallowed some more coffee, took a deep breath.
"I'm not getting back with Stephanie." I tried to smile but before I could even start. "I am still in love with her."
What the hell?
Heather froze, eyes wide. "Wow. Um …" She laughed lightly. "I'm still in love with my ex, James. He refused to …" She bit her lip again. "He wasn't ready for a real commitment. And besides that, he's still in Missouri."
My mind was still reeling from the turn in this conversation. "Oh."
"So how about we help each other get over our exes?"
"Can we just be friends? Right now at least. I don't want to lead you on, Heather. You seem like a really great person." What was happening to my brain?
She gave me a subtle smile. "That would be perfect."
"Okay then. Friends." This was a first.
"Friends," she added with a sweet smile and then blushed. "For now."
I wasn't sure what to say to that so I just nodded again.
The rest of the conversation was just that, getting to know each other and becoming friends. She was almost like the opposite of Stephanie, and I did find her cute, but I wasn't really interested. She did seem fine with just being friends, and she promised my feelings about Stephanie would stay between us. I would be lying if I didn't admit to myself that I was also hoping to inspire a little jealousy in Stephanie. So if people started talking about Heather and me being a couple, I wouldn't correct them.
~o0o~
Realization of that mistake came once I noticed that Stephanie was starting to act like the college party boys she was associating with. But I was determined to stick with the plan. It burned a bit to see her acting out, pushing Sophia on me and my family more and more. I could tell she was living out a bit of a fantasy. Enjoying the college life she never got to have. I couldn't blame her. I didn't get to have it either. Sometimes I felt like I had missed out on so much. But then I would carry my little princess up to her bed, and she would sleepily tell me she loved me. God, there was nothing I wouldn't give up for Sophia. Even her mother if it came to it. And as the weeks dragged on and there was no sign from Stephanie that she wanted anything to do with me, I was starting to wonder if my plan was pointless. Unfortunately, in one of those weaker moments, I agreed with Heather to give us a real shot.
The first real date with Heather was really great. I kind of hated to admit that to myself. I think I was more relaxed and myself with Heather than I had ever been with anyone besides Stephanie because there was no pressure. I had no plans to bed her, and it became pretty clear that she wasn't interested in that right away anyway. So we dated. A lot. And it was all so easy. The Burg had given us their resounding approval, and I knew Stephanie had to know all about my new relationship at that point. I also felt a little bad for her. She had always paid the price of my choices with her reputation. There seemed to be a mixture of pity and judgment going on when it came to Stephanie. They wanted her to overcome what had happened with Dickie, but they also didn't think she was a better choice for me than Heather. And her new lifestyle only added fuel to the gossip fire.
By the end of the summer, I was starting to have some doubts about what I really wanted. Well, that's not true. What I wanted was Stephanie to recover from Dickie, get back on her feet, give me another chance, and then we could get married and have more babies. And the fact that I wasn't even scared to think about that kind of stuff only confirmed to me that it was what would be make me the happiest. The problem was that none of those things seemed to even be close to happening. In fact, Stephanie seemed to be on a downward spiral. I had no idea what to do. No manipulations. No ultimatums. That was my mantra when it came to Stephanie. She had to choose us on her own.
Meanwhile, Heather and I were doing great. It was still a mostly platonic relationship, but it was the healthiest one I had ever had. She had eventually revealed to me that she didn't want to sleep with me unless I was in love with her. She even suggested that she wanted to wait until she was engaged. I was fine with that. It kept things from getting even messier than they already were. But deep down, I knew I was developing real feelings for Heather. How could I not when we were spending so much time together, being so open with each other? I had only ever been that honest with one other woman. And she was slowly falling apart in front of my eyes.
A/N: Let me know if anyone is still interested in this. If not, I should probably keep working on the dissertation! Well, I should do that either way.
