Learning to Trust
"Human experience resembles the battered moon that tracks us in cycles of light and darkness, of life and death, now seeking out and now stealing away from the sun that gives it light and symbolizes eternity"
-Eugene Kennedy
Chapter 13: Battered Moon
Recovery Girl sighed down at Toshinori as he slept. She brushed some of the blond hair out of his flushed face. His poor health had him looking older than his years, but she couldn't help but think of that bright energetic boy he'd been who used to always somehow wind up needing her quirk during his days at UA.
Poor fool. You're not a young man anymore, Toshinori. How many near death experiences is it going to take for you to slow down?
She'd just changed his IV, and was now checking his oxygen, which had finally begun to level out. Of course, he had quickly shown signs of pneumonia, which she'd fully expected. And treating him was a delicate situation. His damaged body was permanently too weak for her quirk's full effect. He just couldn't generate the stamina to survive its use, but if she didn't speed up some of the effects of his illness, she was relatively certain his lungs would fail.
Because of this, she had been spending most of the past 36 hours with him, alternately using her quirk in small doses and letting him rest. She was pretty sure she'd managed to push him through the worst of it, but in his state she really couldn't be confident. She'd already warned Nezu that if his fever didn't drop in the next twelve hours and his oxygen didn't level out, she would be accompanying him to the hospital. With his condition, sepsis was a legitimate concern, and the last thing he needed to be worrying about was more organ failure.
His hazy eyes fluttered open just then, startling her. How he was even conscious with this fever was beyond her. His fierce blue eyes locked with hers, sharper than she'd expected, given his illness. He moved his lips to speak, but she just shook her head. "Save your breath," she said with a small smile. "You don't have enough oxygen as it is."
He began to cough then, a harsh, hacking noise that sounded as though the cough were clawing its way out of him.
She helped turn him so he could spit up the blood and phlegm. At least the coughing was finally becoming productive. She rubbed his back gently as he attempted a few painful sounding, shuddery breaths, rasping out a half-delirious apology of all things.
She just eased him back down and cleaned him up.
She'd known he was in bad shape when he'd come to her with lacerations from that support item a few days ago, a mere wisp of his old self-it was why she'd insisted Nezu force Toshinori to agree to physicals-but until now, she'd had no idea how bad he really was. It wasn't just that he was taking poor care of himself… it was more like he wasn't caring for himself at all. As though he couldn't be bothered with his own health. Now he was suffering for it, trapped in a body that was tearing itself apart in its fight to stay alive.
And he wasn't doing a damn thing to fix any of it.
And that wasn't even taking into consideration the psychological trauma he was toting around. He slept fitfully at best, but even then, night terrors would pull him from rest he desperately needed, further reducing her ability to help him. She'd already had to send Aizawa to his apartment to bring his medications, since she still didn't have a complete list and wasn't sure what he could take. The last thing Toshinori needed was to have a reaction to something meant to help. Aizawa had returned twenty minutes later toting a box filled with twice as much medication as she'd expected along with a nebulizer and details about a respirator he'd found. At the bottom of the box he'd brought, Recovery Girl found stacks of paper: strict eating schedules, medication lists, doctor appointments, vaccination records, surgery dates and types, more lists of medications-this time those his body could no longer handle, and so many letters from doctors about how to best extend his reduced lifespan.
When questioned about the papers, Aizawa had simply stated that he'd tried to read as little as possible. He didn't want to nose about in the man's affairs, but he also didn't want to miss anything important. Most of these had already been sitting near the pill organizer and had been easy for him to find. Anything he'd seen with a doctor's name on it had been dropped in the box.
She'd ignored most of it, immediately sifting through the box to find what she needed. Sure enough, once she'd dug far enough, she found what she was looking for: Prazosin, a medication often used to treat PTSD-related nightmares.
She'd quietly thanked Aizawa, and he'd simply shrugged, hands in his pockets, and walked to the door. Before leaving, however, he'd told her he'd be back to check up on the man. Then, he'd quietly slipped out the door, leaving her to her business. Recovery Girl had just smiled at that, looking down at Toshinori.
"You see, All Might," she murmured, setting up a pill station for her patient. "There are reasons to take care of yourself if you just look around you."
Of course, he didn't respond.
He's dying. Kayama sat in the teacher's lounge, absently sipping a cup of tea. It had been almost two days since the battle with Floodgate, and she hadn't seen Yagi anywhere on campus. Her brows drew together. All Might. I haven't seen All Might on campus. He's probably still with Recovery Girl. I hope he is, at least…
Her mind flashed back to the battle barely two days earlier. Frail Yagi hacking up blood, each cough looking as though it would be his last, but still pushing himself forward. Not because he had to. This was outside of his jurisdiction, and she knew that Nezu had specifically demanded he go home and rest due to his poor health. The principal had told her as much when he'd sent her to pick him up during that storm. And All Might had been fully aware that he shouldn't be fighting. He'd said as much himself when he'd told her he'd already pushed himself too far already that day.
He still pushed himself through that fight, even though he knew he might not be strong enough anymore, just because he knew it was going to take two of us to even make it to Floodgate, let alone take him down.
She stared down at the golden liquid swirling in her cup. I've been tearing All Might a new one since Yagi got here. Insulting him to his face… and he still fought with me, even though he's… She couldn't quite bring herself to finish that thought.
It wasn't that she actually regretted anything she'd said about All Might. It might not have all been kind, but it was certainly true. She just hadn't been able to see the whole picture. Still… that didn't mean she would expect even him to stand by her like that after she'd practically slapped him in the face with her words.
Yet he'd stood by her side, ignoring every opportunity she gave him to leave. He'd stuck with her as Yagi as long as he could, even though it meant he'd had to push his fragile body past its limit just to be certain she could have All Might's full strength for as long as possible when she needed it.
"I'm fine. If I go down again, just keep moving. It's just going to get worse, and we don't have time to waste waiting for me to catch my breath. I can catch up. I'm stronger than I look. Trust me."
And later… "Do you have any time to get us All Might? Or are we doing this alone after all?"
That flash of a smile on his gaunt face. His blue eyes burning like concentrated pinpoints of his remaining strength. "I told you, didn't I? I am here."
She hadn't even known how to process that. Even after he'd shifted forms, she hadn't really understood, thinking for a moment that he had a shapeshifting quirk that allowed him to mimic All Might's form. Except that Yagi had promised he was bringing the real deal, and although she barely knew the man, she already trusted him, and had somehow known he wouldn't lie to her about that.
Then the reality of the entire horrifying situation had settled on her, even as she'd leapt into action herself, instincts driving most of her motions as she stored this information for later processing. As she watched a powerful, but still fairly minor villain easily take All Might out of the fight in moments, dropping him to his knees. As she saw the blood at the corner of his mouth again, she'd only been able to see Yagi's awkward gentleness in that hulking form, and she realized again that she wasn't okay with the world losing him.
She'd been fighting to protect him more than anything. Talk about charisma...
Kayama sighed, resting her forehead tiredly in her cupped hands, palms pressing against her eyes as she tried to erase the images from her mind. Why do I keep torturing myself by replaying this? He chose to stick with me. I didn't make him come... Still, she could hear fragments of their conversation replaying in her mind.
"My quirk has a limited timeframe, but I can get you All Might for about five minutes if I can get close enough... I may have less time than that…
"All I can promise from All Might is some intimidation and maybe a couple punches if we're lucky…
"He will do everything he can to help. But he's not as invincible as people think. He has limitations you don't know about, Kayama-san, and he's pushed himself too far today…"
He'd all but told her what state he was in.
"Why don't you tell me what All Might's really like?"
"Well… Actually, All Might's a lot like-"
In fact, she realized, he might have even told her who he was if the alert hadn't broadcasted just then.
She wanted to be angry with him-she had been angry with him-but before she could actually demand answers, he'd passed out and faded back to his weaker form, choking on his own blood. Because of her quirk, he wasn't even able to wake himself enough to aid in his own breathing, and she'd had to hurry and turn him to his side so the blood didn't go back into his lungs.
She should have been furious. He'd been at UA all along, hiding. Sneaking around. Was he trying to listen to trick them into talking about him? Her temper had actually flared for a moment, but then she'd looked down, and there he was, fragile and weak. He had to have known that her quirk hitting him would expose his weakness and make even his identity vulnerable. And he'd done it anyway to save them. Even though he'd somehow been reduced to a mere skeleton, he was still fighting, still striving to protect others and she just… couldn't be angry with him. Because it was as she'd told him. She could be enraged at All Might, but she just couldn't be mad at Yagi. He was gentle and kind and… genuine. Yes, he had hidden things from her, but she had a feeling that Yagi was the real man and All Might was the fabrication. Could she really hold this against him when he actually had come to the school when he truly could have just sent a lackey to take care of the paperwork. When he'd run out into a storm and risked both his broken body and his secret because it was the right thing to do.
And now you're dying, aren't you, All Might? You just decided to come back home for the time you have left.
"Dammit…" The whisper escaped her lips unbidden. Why the hell did you have to be so damn likeable? This would have been easier if you were the pompous ass I thought you were.
"Something wrong?" came a dry voice from behind, startling her. Kayama had been so lost in her own thoughts that she'd momentarily forgotten that she was sitting in the teacher's lounge with other people. She turned to see Eraserhead standing behind her balancing a cup of tea and what looked like a stack of papers to grade.
"I… have a lot on my mind…" she murmured, glancing away.
He continued staring at her as though that weren't really an answer.
She was tempted to just blow him off, tell him she was fine. That she was just having a bad day, but then she remembered what Yagi had told her in the hospital ward. That Eraser knew he was a Pro.
Kayama dropped her hands back down to her teacup and looked up at Eraser. "It's Yagi," she finally admitted.
He raised an eyebrow. "Ah." To Kayama's surprise, he dropped into a seat across from her. "What do you know?" he asked calmly.
She pursed her lips thoughtfully. "It's not really what I know that's bothering me. It's what I don't know." She sighed.
"There isn't much I can say until I'm sure about what you already know," Eraser dropped his stack of papers on the table between them before taking a long drink out of his mug. "He's got secrets that are his right to keep. I'm not here to gossip about him." He shrugged. His black eyes locking with her blue ones. "I really don't have much information, myself, anyway."
She smiled at that. "We both know he's a pro," she replied quietly. "He told me that much."
"A brawler."
"Yeah." She sipped her tea. "He should be retired. He shouldn't still be in the field." She paused thoughtfully. "That's what I'm worried about anyway. He's going to get himself killed."
Aizawa snorted at that. "He's a bit of an idiot, isn't he? Like his boss."
"He's a lot like his boss," she murmured, absently. "I didn't think so at first, until…"
"Until you fought with him?"
Her eyes locked with his.
He smirked a bit. "Did you really think I believed that story about him being a bystander? You know why Nezu made him stay off campus for a few days, don't you?"
At the shake of her head, he raised an eyebrow. "He was injured protecting two students from a runaway support item. From what Cementoss said, the guy's good. Can't imagine what he was like in his prime. Before his injury."
"What injury?" Kayama's pale eyes went wide. "Do you know what happened to him?"
Aizawa tensed, cursing under his breath. "And I wind up gossiping anyway," he grumbled, standing and scooping his papers back up. He looked away. "Sorry. It's not my place, and I've already said too much. You'll have to ask him about it, yourself."
"I see…" she replied quietly as he stood. "Maybe I will."
He nodded and started to walk away when Kayama suddenly said, quietly, "You expel one every year, don't you?"
It was such an odd, off-topic thing to say, that Aizawa turned back to her, a puzzled look on his normally impassive face. "I what?"
"You expel a student every year, so they feel death. So they get that they aren't infallible… that they can die. That's why you do it, right? Yamada explained it to me once."
He didn't answer.
"That way they don't find out for the first time what death is when they lose someone they care about. Like we had to when Shirakumo-"
He cut her off curtly at that. "I just don't want them to think they're some invincible All Might replicas. That's all." He turned to leave again, but again she spoke, stopping him. This time he stood stiffly, waiting for her to talk, but didn't turn.
She sipped her tea. "He isn't invincible."
"I know."
"What do you think would happen if All Might died? Do you think anyone would care?"
He snorted. "Everyone would care. There would be panic in the streets. We have restructured our entire society around him."
"Sure, there would be chaos. But would anyone care? When Shirakumo died… no one in the world really knew but his family and friends, but we all cared. I just wonder…" She trailed off thoughtfully.
"What?"
"His life seems so… lonely. We depend on All Might. He's a fixture in everyone's life. If he died it would be national news, but… would anyone really care or would we all just be worrying about what it means for us?"
Aizawa turned back to her and met her eyes. "What brought this on?"
She shrugged, sipping her tea. "Yagi and I were talking about him the other day. How the man literally has no social life outside of his media gigs and work. And I was just thinking. I've worked on and off with All Might for at least five years now. I know he's not immortal, and I've seen him get banged up in fights before. I know he isn't young anymore. He's going to die sometime. But I've never once thought about what will happen when he does."
"So?"
"It's… kind of sad. He gave up everything to become a crime deterrent."
"He chose to do that."
Kayama continued as though he hadn't spoken. "I'm just saying… I didn't know Yagi Toshinori until this week. I had never heard the name before, even though he apparently went to UA. Even though he's a Pro like us and a surprisingly brilliant fighter. But even though I've really only gotten to know him for such a short time, I would care if he dies. I'm worried that he is going to die. I've never felt that way about All Might. And I can't help but wonder what the difference between Yagi Toshinori and All Might is."
"Everything," Aizawa snorted. With that word, he finally left the room.
Author's Note: I am so sorry about the long wait for such a short and underwhelming chapter! These last few weeks have been crazy busy at work. Now that things are slowing down a bit, I should be able to get back on track. Thanks for sticking with me, reading, and commenting (if you so choose)! I appreciate all of it!
And thank you so much, lolo popoki for your beta work! You are the reason this chapter is readable!
Sincerely,
Sirius:)
