Learning to Trust
"An Atlas, whose back is bowed and whose hands are busy holding up the world, has no arms to lift to deal with his own defense. Increase his burdens and you will crush him…"
一Murray Rothbard
Chapter 23: Atlas
Yagi was a mess when Kayama reentered Nezu's office, Mic and the principal close behind her. She carried a tray of tea and coffee while Mic held the door open as she entered, a distracted expression on his face. She could see from the corner of her eye that he was still staring behind them into the hall where Aizawa had roughly passed them.
Nezu stepped into the room as though nothing had happened. He said little, however, just watching Yagi with his unreadable black eyes.
Brow furrowed, and lips dropped into a thoughtful frown, Mic excused himself back into the hallway in an uncharacteristically quiet voice as soon as everyone else was in the room.
Kayama walked to the heavy wooden desk and set the silver tray on the blotter. She picked up a small carafe of decaffeinated coffee, and, making a face, poured a strong, black cup for herself. She then scooped up the small pitcher she'd filled with Yagi's creamer, as well as a small tea towel, and brought both to where he slouched in a sleek black chair. He leaned forward as though folding into himself, eyes closed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Kayama's eyes narrowed in concern. Yagi appeared almost to be in pain.
It was so disconcerting to see him like this after he'd seemed so healthy not even half an hour before. His hair fell about his head in a tangled mess, bangs dropping into his face, partly obscuring it. His shadowed eyes and painfully gaunt cheeks were still clear however, as were the smile lines etched almost as deeply in his face as his worry lines. She could see the fine bones and tendons starkly visible in the large hands that peeked out of sleeves that positively hung off of his tall, lanky frame. He looked so old and sick now. Something painful twisted in her gut. She honestly had never greatly cared about All Might before, but now that she'd actually gotten to know what sort of person he really was, she hated seeing him like this.
Kayama's feet slowed as she approached him, her steps silenced by the plush red carpet. She didn't delude herself into thinking that he didn't know exactly where she was though. He might not look like much as he was, but anyone who knew him could clearly see that he really hadn't changed in any way that mattered. He was still All Might.
As she reached him, she set the creamer down on the coffee table in front of him and gently laid a hand on his bony shoulder. He looked up, his pained expression immediately masked by a confident smile. It didn't reach his eyes.
And it occurred to Kayama that it never did. The smile was always on All Might's face, but his eyes rarely smiled. Instead that look of pain and worry she'd seen a moment before was what his eyes usually reflected.
How had she never noticed before? Another guilty pain twisted her gut. Because we only see what we want to… And it was so much easier pretending that All Might enjoyed holding up the world by himself…
How long had he been doing this alone?
Too long.
She flashed him a warm smile of her own and stretched out her hand in a silent request for his coffee cup. His bright eyes blinked up at her a couple of times before he seemed to process what she wanted, and he suddenly cleared his throat and reached his long arm over to the side table to grab his cup. Kayama filled the cup just over halfway with fresh coffee before topping the cup off with creamer. She set the remainder of his creamer on a large silver coaster on the table.
His smile faltered. "Thank you, Midnight," he murmured hoarsely.
"Nemuri," she replied, her smile growing sad at the strange look in his eye. She patted him gently on the shoulder once more before straightening. "We've been over this already, Toshinori." She set the carafe down on the tea towel and seated herself on the chair near him.
"Now tell us what happened…"
Yagi just took a long drink of the coffee, nearly draining the cup in a single swig.
"That bad, huh?" she purred. "Why don't you tell me?"
His blue eyes flashed back up at her, and he set down the cup, his expression as dour as always. But Kayama found that she was learning to read him better now. She could look past the pained scowl that his lips naturally fell into and see something burning brightly inside of him buried in all of the pain. She tentatively laid a hand on his much larger one. When he didn't immediately pull away, she gently squeezed it. It didn't matter what he looked like, as long as she could see that strong spirit fueled by an intense kindness and passion.
A small smile crinkled his lined face, and he cleared his throat. "We talked. Eraserhead made some valid points. I–" His eyes narrowed as though he were trying to think of just the right words. "I'm considering doing this alone after all," he said softly.
Kayama gasped at that and she squeezed his hand so tightly at those words that he actually jumped, his smile dropping. "If Aizawa told you not to take our help, I will take that idiot down myself," she growled.
Eyes widening in obvious alarm, Yagi pulled his hand out of hers and put both up in front of him defensively. "No!" he exclaimed in alarm. "He didn't. But he's right when he said that I shouldn't be fighting yet."
She leaned back in the chair, cocking her head to the side in absolute bafflement. She crossed her legs and rested her cooling coffee cup on her knee. "Let me get this straight, Yagi. Aizawa told you that you're in no shape to be fighting. You agree that you're in no shape to be fighting." She leaned forward, narrowing her cool stare at him. "And that somehow equates in your mind to having to do this thing alone? What kind of loopy medication did Recovery Girl put you on, Toshinori?"
"It does seem a bit illogical, even for you, All Might," the principal piped up, from his desk where he'd resumed his paperwork as though nothing out of the ordinary had been happening.
"'Even for me?'" Yagi repeated, an eyebrow quirking in amusement as he twisted around in his chair to look back at the chimera. "I'm glad you have so much faith in me, sir."
"You're brilliant, All Might. I'm not critiquing your intelligence. But logical reasoning is not your strongest suit. Otherwise you wouldn't be saddled with pneumonia in the first place, would you?"
He just sighed, glancing past Kayama's intense stare. "Look. We don't have time to waste. Shifter isn't going to wait for me to feel better before kidnapping more victims. If he's getting stronger, he needs to be stopped now. I'm not going to waste other people's lives to give myself a few more weeks of recovery." He finally turned to return her stare, his voice firm and steady. "That includes all of your lives. Until my health levels out, I can't guarantee how long of a window I have as All Might before I wear out. My plan requires teamwork, yes, but if I suddenly can't do my part, I'm going to put all of you at risk. I'm not willing to do that."
"And what good does it do anyone if this Shifter borrows your quirk and uses it to kill you? Or uses it to kill other people? How does that help anyone?"
"I won't let him do that," Yagi replied, his face a blank mask. "I'll die before I let him–"
"That's not better, All Might!" Kayama finally shouted, leaping to her feet, eyes on fire. "How can you possibly think your death would be better?"
"That's not what I'm saying–"
"Bullshit!" she snapped, silencing him. "That's exactly what you're saying. It's what you've apparently been saying for the past five years." She motioned emphatically to his wasted form. "It's the reason you wound up like this!"
The words slipped out of her mouth before she even realized they were in her head, and she stopped cold, frozen in place as she stared at him, both of their wide eyes locked on each other.
He broke eye contact first, picking up his coffee and staring down into it for a long moment before taking another drink.
"I didn't mean it that way," she stammered.
"Don't."
Her mouth snapped shut at the abruptness of his response. She continued standing awkwardly a moment longer before he silently motioned to the seat beside him. "Sit," he said in a gentle voice. "You're fine."
She complied.
Yagi sipped at his coffee again and then stopped, staring down at his large, bony hand.
"Toshinori, I didn't mean that," she tried again. "There's nothing wrong with you."
He smiled tightly. "Of course there is," he replied in an oddly distant voice. "I'm missing half of my internal organs." He didn't take his eyes off of his hand. "I'd say that's a pretty big thing wrong with me."
"I don't care what you look like."
He didn't answer, and, snapping out of her embarrassment, Kayama reached out and took his free hand once again, as much to break his gaze as anything else. His blue eyes snapped up to her. They were oddly glassy.
She turned her own eyes away, feeling as though she were intruding on something deeply personal.
"I–Thank you…" he finally managed. "I appreciate that. I… appreciate everything you've said." He sounded surprisingly awkward for a man so used to praise and the spotlight.
Then again, how often have people actually said something like this to him and not his persona? How often has he ever even let people see the real him?
She turned back to him. "You appreciate it. But you still plan on doing this alone, don't you?"
His lips twitched into a guilty smile.
"What are you afraid of, Toshinori?"
"What do you mean?" he asked, puzzled.
"I mean, what are you afraid of? Why are you so afraid to trust anyone?"
His eyebrows raised. "With my secrets? Everyone isn't as understanding as you are," he responded quietly. "If villains saw me like this, they would have a field day. And citizens… think about what would happen if their Pillar of Justice crumbled. Everything would collapse."
Midnight sighed. "That's because you're holding the world up by yourself."
At his lack of response, she leaned forward intensely. "Have you ever been to Greece, All Might?"
"A few times."
"Did you see any of the architecture?"
He smiled at that. "I wasn't exactly there to sightsee."
"Did you see the Parthenon?"
He seemed to be thinking back before slowly responding, "Yes. I'm sure I did. It was beautiful."
"It is. It's beautiful even though it's so old and fragile." Her eyes met his. "That structure is thousands of years old. So much of it has crumbled over time, but what remains are the columns. There are sixty-five columns in the Parthenon. They are more delicate than they were, but they are still beautiful. And they are still standing." She leaned forward. "Do you know why?"
His smile had grown bemused now that the topic had shifted from his shortcomings. "History and art were my worst subjects in school, Kayama-san. You'll have to forgive my ignorance."
"It's because those columns share the weight they bear. The pillars aren't identical. Some are bigger, others more worn down. Some have fallen over time. But a remarkable number have remained standing, able to bear the weight they carry for thousands of years. Even when the world crumbled around them, those pillars still stood, doing their part. Because they didn't stand alone."
Yagi didn't speak. His shadowed eyes betrayed nothing.
"Do you think the Parthenon would have remained as complete as it is with one pillar holding the weight by itself?"
"I… suppose not. That's not in its design…"
"Of course. It was designed well. Because even the strongest stone will crack and wear down over time. She took his hand again, squeezing it. "I don't know why you ever had to do this on your own in the first place…. Why we let you keep doing it alone for so long… but we're here now. And we want to help you. Let us help you carry the weight." Kayama smiled. "You know… I never did answer your question."
"I'm sorry. I'm afraid you'll have to remind me. What question?" He sounded dazed.
"That day in the café. You asked me if I like All Might. If I want to work with him." She paused. "The answer is no. I don't like All Might. And I don't want to work with him." Her red lips curled into a smile, and her pale eyes caught his. "But Yagi Toshinori? The man behind the symbol? That's someone I can trust, and I'll gladly fight for you."
Author's Note: Thanks to lolo popoki, Haptronym, and Krisington for their invaluable beta work, and thanks to all of your for reading! Sorry about the wait!
Sincerely,
Sirius:)
