A/N
A new chapter just as promised. I'm going to try update each Monday, but of course if you review, that will motivate me to keep writing! I have some more written, and a general plan for the whole story, so I'm hoping to keep ahead of this and be able to post weekly. I'm anticipating this to be a 10-12 chapter fic. Happy to receive any kind of feedback, and I honestly mean that-I've been in ruthless writing workshops and have thick skin.
This story is un-betaed and my first venture into the Supernatural fandom, which is kind of intimidating because it's so huge. If anyone is interested in beta-ing, definitely message me :)
Hope you all are safe and well in these crazy times.
Cheers,
Norah
Chapter 2
A day later
Cas spent an hour alone with the kid, then with Lisa. She hadn't spoken to Dean since the blow-up in the kitchen the day before.
As he waited for his angel best friend to finish up his spiritual and magical evaluation of his ex, Dean busied himself making burgers for himself and Ben. He made one for Lisa too, hoping she'd come out of her talk with Cas less murderous and deadly, and that a perfectly cooked, juicy bacon cheeseburger might make her hate him less. That she might even look at Dean like she had for that one brief moment, that first moment when she'd recognized him and been glad to see him alive, that moment of affection and maybe even relief. Before she'd realized he'd betrayed her trust, even her own mind. Before the slap.
After everything, his whole bloody life, but lately his mom dying again, God turning out to be the ultimate bad guy, now this drama with Jack and forgiveness, Dean wanted something good. Pure. Not that it would last, if Lisa decided to love him again, or even tolerate him. But if she'd just not hate him, he'd feel, something, lighter. He'd feel hope.
When Lisa and Cas finally emerged, she came right up to Dean, all dark-haired beauty and gentleness. Lisa was always soft, rarely intense. This seemed, more like what he was used to. She let her shoulder brush up against his. He could feel Cas's eyes boring into him. He turned his head just slightly, and caught a flash of, something, on the angel's face. Standing there in his ill-fitting trench coat, shirt rumpled, tie as always a little askew. His expression was neutral, as it almost always was. You'd have to know him really well to know something was wrong. But Dean knew him better than, probably anybody in millennia. Cas was uncomfortable. He just didn't know why.
Lisa put a hand on Dean's shoulder, and he turned away from his friend, to look at his ex. "I'm still mad," she murmured.
"Of course you are," he said, flipping the burgers.
"I don't think I'll ever not be mad." She kept her hand on his shoulder. Light. Like she was being careful with him now. "But Castiel told me what was happening back then. And everything since. You had a lot going on."
Dean felt a tear escape his eye. His relief shocked him. Even if he'd been wishing for it, he hadn't realized how much he'd needed this. He hurried to brush the damned tear away, stupid sign of weakness, before she could see. This was all on him. It shouldn't be on her. She shouldn't be stuck with his shitty feelings.
Lisa leaned in and kissed him, so abruptly that he almost knocked the cast iron skillet off the stove
It was a sweet kiss. Chaste at first. But then he grabbed her around the waist, pressed his pelvis against hers, and deepened that kiss until he thought he might never breathe again.
Cas cleared his throat, glaring. Lisa pulled away, but she was crying. Dean glanced at his best friend. What was the dude's problem?
Now Cas looked constipated. "This is not the time for fornication. There are certain details we need to discuss," he said with this tight look, almost a grimace.
Dean just stared at the angel, willing him to get on with it and stop looking at Dean like he'd killed his puppy.
"The curse Chuck put on you and Sam," Cas said, slowly, overly patiently, like he was talking to a child or an idiot.
Dean glared at him. He was not an idiot. "The luck of the heroes thing?"
"Yes."
"Who's Chuck?" Ben wanted to know.
"God," Dean and Cas said together.
Ben laughed. "No, really, who is he?"
"Really," Dean said. "We know his sister too. Lots of family drama." Turning between Lisa and Ben, who both seemed baffled as hell, he said, "Look, guys, long story, too long. Confusing as hell. More confusing than hell, actually. But Cas, why does that curse matter? Fortuna undid it."
Cas shook his head. "She returned your luck, undoing the curse Chuck put on your abilities, because of course you never lost your skills, fighting, lockpicking, what have you."
Dean cocked his head to the side. "I am awesome."
Cas laughed. "Apparently. And she also gave you back the luck of the heroes that Chuck initially bestowed on you. No parking tickets. No speeding tickets even if you drive 100, which Sam has recently told me is quite illegal. And—" he gestured to the burgers sizzling in the pan, "Now you can eat all the bacon cheeseburgers in all of creation without throwing up. Though Sam is right. It wouldn't kill you to eat a salad."
Dean rolled his eyes.
Lisa giggled. "You do eat way too much red meat."
Dean remembered one terrible week, a decade ago when he lived with her and the kid, when she'd tried to convince him that tofu was some kind of magical wonder food. It tastes just like chicken if you prepare it just right. It did not. Not even if you closed your eyes and held your breath.
Cas glared at Dean. Like somehow his freaking eating habits mattered, with the world possibly, probably with his luck, ending any day. "Yes, exactly. Thank you, Lisa, for your common sense." Turning back to Dean and letting his impossibly blue eyes bore into him, "But Fortuna didn't reset the past. Meddling with time is not within her powers. When you lost your luck, Ben regained his memories. And they still remain, which is only logical."
Dean gulped, not sure why Cas's intense stare was bothering him. The angel just didn't understand that it wasn't cool to stare. That was all. But he also was not following what the hell Cas was getting at. "What does any of this, the memory crap, have to do with luck?"
His friend sighed. "I should have known, this never should have lasted this long. I should have suspected. Honestly, Dean, I never expected you to let my work be a permanent fix to your love-life woes. You are supposed to be a 'grownup.' " Cas put air quotes around the last two words and gave Dean a condescending look. "But there were Leviathans and Lucifer and the Darkness. I was busy. I meant to follow up. With apologies to Lisa and Ben, I forgot to check on them because they slid very far down my priority list. But I think it was your extraordinary luck that kept the memories in check."
Dean frowned, wondering whether to call Cas on his bullshit lecturing and air quotes. He swallowed it down. "Fine, whatever, dude. But why Ben and not Lisa? She didn't remember you know, until I got here. She put him in a freaking mental hospital!"
Lisa turned to Ben, looking like she was going to cry. "Honey, I am so sorry. You'll never know how sorry I am, for doing that to you." Dean put a hand on the small of Lisa's back, without really thinking about it. But this was the only woman he'd ever had this type of intimacy with, the type of intimacy where you gave these little touches of comfort or support. She leaned into him. And he let out a sigh, not knowing that he'd been keeping anything else in.
Cas looked even more uncomfortable, inexplicably, though you wouldn't know it if you couldn't track the minute changes of the angel's not very expressive face. "It has to do with his lineage, Dean."
Fuck. Dean gulped. If this was going where he thought it was going, his life was about to change. He wasn't sure he was ready for it.
"It appears that your luck extended farther than perhaps even Chuck knew. To the world conforming to hide one important fact from you, from Lisa, perhaps from Chuck. Actually, let's consider carefully. This fact must be hidden from Chuck. If he knew there was an heir to the Winchester line, he would have interfered long ago."
"Heir?" Ben asked, looking happier and more alive than Dean had ever seen him, definitely happier than he had in the last couple days. Today had been better than yesterday. The medicine they'd given him at the hospital that "I'm your kid?"
"No, of course not," Lisa snapped. "I did a test."
Cas shook his head. "I can tell, looking at him now. The test must have lied. However years ago, I couldn't sense his true lineage. I believe this is due to the temporary lapse of the luck of the heroes."
Dean was shocked. But, somehow, despite trying to not care, to not get his hopes up, he couldn't help smiling.
Ben.
Ben was his kid. That gut feeling he'd had all those years ago at the boy's eighth birthday party, standing next to him, hearing from the mouth of eight-year-old Ben Braeden about how chicks dig bouncy castles, how he listened to Zeppelin.
Not just a boy. His boy, now.
Dean hadn't realized until right this very moment how much he'd longed for that old gut feeling to be true. For this. A child. A family. A legacy. Something, someone who would be here after he was gone.
A son. A Winchester. This was incredibly inconvenient and dangerous and ten kinds of crazy. But it was also freaking awesome.
Lisa didn't move away from Dean but her whole body had tightened up.
The burgers were still sizzling. Dean moved the skillet to a cold burner, so they didn't get burned.
"I'll get the condiments," Lisa said, walking towards the fridge. "Who wants mayo?" When no one answered, she said, "I for one want mayo. Ben wants mustard, not the brown kind. Dean, I assume you still make that secret sauce that everyone knows is just ketchup and mayonnaise."
"It is not!" Dean said automatically, because condiments he can deal with.
"It totally is!" Ben said, laughing. For some reason laughing.
"Castiel, do angels eat?" Lisa said.
Cas cleared his throat, giving Dean a murderous look. "Could we please return to the matter at hand?"
"Lunch. Let's eat something Cas, I think we could all just eat something." Dean was pleading. He could see Lisa's hands shaking as she brought condiments and buns over, as she flung the stuff on the counter. He wanted to keep this moment from flying so far out Dean grabbed her hand. "Hon," he murmured, the pet name came out without him meaning to let it. Whatever it is. Whatever weird thing. It's okay."
Cas cleared his throat again. "Lisa, I am capable of eating, but I don't need to eat."
"And it tastes like molecules," Dean said, grinning at his friend.
Cas did not grin back. "I understand that you are trying to deflect and avoid dealing with this 'situation.' " Damn air quotes again. Dean rolled his eyes. "Regardless of how uncomfortable this particular revelation makes anyone, it is paramount that we get to the bottom of this, and what it means. So, as Dean would say, let's all just suck it up."
Lisa looked more perplexed than upset now. So maybe that was progress. Dean slung an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him, kissing the top of her head. Lightly. She didn't pull away.
Cas cleared his throat again. "I believe that the universe felt Dean would be unable to adequately prepare for the apocalypse if he became a father at age twenty. Perhaps he would have even left hunting to provide for a family. Therefore, the fact of Ben's true lineage was hidden. A paternity test was altered, not by an individual, or God, but by the universe. It is, I believe, the same mechanism that has allowed, all these years, for you to eat what you want without vomiting or gaining weight, for parking attendants to ignore your incessant habit of parking in front of fire hydrants. Et cetera. An automatic mechanism, not something that Chuck is actively doing or even paying attention to. He wouldn't have time to stop every parking ticket, or stomach problem. This would be the same."
Lisa stared open-mouthed. She turned to Dean. "This is crazy."
Dean shrugged and flashed a rakish smile. "Sweetheart, my whole life is crazy."
She took a deep, shuddery breath in. She looked scared. Why did she look so scared. "But mine isn't, Dean. Ben's isn't."
"You want me gone?"
"That's not what I'm saying."
Castiel cleared his throat. "I don't believe your leaving them alone would be advisable. They need protection. This secret is now broken. Should anyone else learn the truth about the lineage, your child and the baby mama would be in grave danger."
Lisa and Dean both glared at Cas. "Baby mama?" she snapped. "Really?"
"Is that not the correct term?"
Dean rolled his eyes. "It's freaking rude to say."
Cas shrugged. "Regardless of which word you choose for the woman—"
"The woman?" Lisa looked murderous.
Cas sighed. Using air quotes again, "As the 'mother of the Winchester heir,' you are now important to the very workings of the universe. Therefore your son would be—"
Ben whispered, "Dad?"
Dean froze. That one word, it gutted him. It was beautiful, the way this one word made his whole body melt, but it also hurt like a knife to the chest. Somehow, at the same exact time, that word made him feel the best and most terrible things he'd ever felt.
He'd left this kid behind. His kid. He'd left both of them defenseless and ignorant of the ugly truths of the world. Knowing nothing about monsters or demons or angels, even though they'd been targeted before. Even when a demon had taken over Lisa's body and almost killed them all. He'd left them alone, and ignorant. Because it had been easier on Dean fucking Winchester's tender, girly feelings. Because forcing Cas to wipe their memories had allowed Dean to move on, and trick himself into thinking that he'd gotten Lisa and Ben out of the life.
"Dad?" Ben Braeden said again.
Dean bit his lip. He didn't know what to say.
Lisa turned to look right at him. "Can we slow down, just a tiny bit? Dean, please. How do we know this is real? Shouldn't we go to a real doctor?"
"I'm a freaking angel," Cas said. Which broke Dean out of his state of shock.
Laughing he said, "Lis, he is a freaking angel. I don't think he can be wrong on this."
"What's this about luck?" she wanted to know.
"Can I call you Dad?" Ben repeated, looking like he was about to explode.
"Why?" Lisa snapped, staring at her son, their son, like Ben was dangerous all of a sudden. She didn't like that word. Did she not want Dean to be the father? Had she always hoped he wasn't?
"Why not?" Ben snapped back. "That guy's a freaking angel, he's not wrong. And it's not like you lied, so you don't gotta be all defensive. It's a thing, it's true. Let's get on board. And it's awesome. You told me, you said it was the best year of your life. That one night when I woke up in the middle of the night and you were looking at photos and crying, before Castiel did the memory thing and we forgot. I remember that night. You were so sad, and you were talking about Dean. There was a lot of wine." Ben glanced at Dean, shooting daggers at him with his eyes. "That's on you. You hear me, asshole? You left us. Sam came back to life or whatever, and you were gone. Hey, by the way how did that happen? I'm not a kid anymore, you can tell me."
Dean looked at Cas, who looked back at Dean. "Long story," Dean said. "Look, if it's really important, I'll tell you later. But the punchline is that Sam was in a cage thing, with Lucifer and Michael. Cas managed to get him out, but he left his soul behind."
"That is really on me," Cas said. "Had Sam come back with his soul intact, some of the hijinks that led to your father leaving you and your mother behind, they may not have happened. There may not have been as much need for wine."
Ben glared at both of them. Looking at Dean, he said, "We were a family. Even if nobody knew you were my dad. And you say family's the most important thing. You always, always say that. It's like the words you lived by. But that year, we were your family. Mom didn't have to take you in. You were a mess. You drank all the time, and you thought I didn't know but I did."
"Ben, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have come to you back then. I shouldn't have put it on you. I'm sorry."
Lisa had sunk to the floor in a heap. "Dean, you were not a burden. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this revelation. Angels. God. Luck of the heroes. How can a pregnancy test be altered by the universe?"
Ben stared hard at Dean. "You should have come. I'm glad you did. Cause it was the best yer of my life too. But then you left us."
"I was dangerous." Dean's voice was low, extra gravelly, as he struggled to maintain control. A single tear escaped. He wiped it away.
"You weren't."
Dean didn't know what to say.
"I'm sorry," Lisa said from the floor. "If I'd known."
He knelt down next to her and cupped her face in his hands. "I know, Lis. I know." He kissed her lightly on the lips. She let him. He grabbed her hand, and she let him. Pulled her up off the floor. They stood close to each other but not touching. She still seemed to be shaking. Dean looked at the kid.
His kid. His fucking kid. He'd missed all the stuff you were supposed to be there for. First steps. First tooth. He'd taught Ben to fix a car, pick a lock and a little about talking to girls. How to hotwire a car because you never knew when you might need that. He'd been there for his first kiss. But he'd missed so much after. Even his first heartbreak. First real date, because a sixth grade dance couldn't count. He'd given Jack the talk, taught Jack to drive. But not Ben. Not his own damned kid.
His son.
Dean Winchester had a son.
"You can call me anything you damn well want," he told the boy, voice lower than low. And he meant it.
Ben crossed the room and threw his arms around Dean. Dean bear-hugged the boy back. "Just so you know, being a Winchester boy, it ain't easy."
"I know," Ben said.
Over Ben's shoulder, Dean caught Cas looking at them. The angel's expression had softened. He was smiling. It was damned sweet the way he was looking at Dean.
"Congratulations on your newfound paternity," Cas said. Causing everyone to crack up.
"This guy's your family too," he told Ben. "Even if he seems like an alien sometimes. You can count on him, you hear me?"
