Jasper had insisted on driving Bella home after bidding her goodbyes to Esme and Alice, who were fretting over her the entire morning.
"We love you so much, Bella." Esme had murmured into her ear as her strong embrace radiated all the love Bella felt had been drained from her heart. At that moment, Bella knew if it were up to her, she'd never leave the Cullens. When Esme pulled back, her golden eyes were shining with affection. It was only when Esme wiped her cheeks that Bella realized she'd started to cry.
Bella grimaced. She was way too emotional to her liking. It was so embarrassing.
Alice had been next to engulf her in another hug though it was quickly followed by an enthusiastic, "I'll see you tomorrow, Bella."
All the while, Jasper stood leaning against the door frame with an unreadable expression on his face. His eyes never quite left the girl, but a small part of her wanted to go to him right away when Bella's gaze met his. It seemed he felt what she did because as they walked down the front steps towards the car, Jasper's hand settled on the small of her back—comforting her beyond words or his gift.
While she half expected to feel uncomfortable or tense, Bella was surprised to find that the entire drive, they'd settled into a comfortable silence. Jasper's presence was a balm to her worries and insecurities—his gift dispelling all negative emotions from filling the black Volvo SUV Jasper chose to drive. Maybe it had nothing to do with his gift though, since the familiar feeling of warmth encasing her in subtle waves rarely caressed her skin.
While she kept quiet, she could feel Jasper's attention on her the entire time—even as he kept his eyes on the road and drove the speed limit. That was odd because Bella knew that if it had been a certain bronze-haired vampire, they would have been ten—even twenty—percent over the speed limit.
"Do you..." her voice falters when Jasper instantly glances her way, as if eager to hear her speak. Bella rolls her lips together nervously, wringing her hands together, but tries to continue, "You're driving the speed limit."
Jasper's lips quirk with amusement, "That's an astute observation."
Bella bit her lip, "I-I mean, don't you guys normally speed around all over these roads?" She rushed out the words, ignoring the flush on her cheeks. "And don't you normally drive a Harley?"
That caught his interest. Jasper raised his brows as he looked away from the road to glance at her, "I'm surprised you noticed the kind of motorcycle I drive. Regarding the speed, however, I'm sure the last thing you need is to be frightened by how fast I'm driving when you're already disoriented."
Oh well...that's nice of him.
Bella shrugged, "Of course I noticed. I always noticed you, Jasper." That made her snap her mouth shut.
I've always noticed him? What the hell am I saying?
Jasper's silence slowly started to make her self-conscious for her silly words, but before she could correct herself, she noticed they were already pulling into Charlie's driveway. Bella gnawed her lip as she stared up at the small two-story house that held so many memories for her. Memories that weren't only hers.
"Thanks for the ride." She murmured as she started unbuckling her seatbelt.
"Anytime."
Silence again.
Neither made a move to leave or say anything else. The awkward tension in the car was palpable, and Bella fidgeted nervously.
Bella held Jasper's calm gaze, taking in every speck of gold in his irises that gradually turned a shade darker. Why was it suddenly so hard for her to step out of the car now? As if something was weighing her down to stay in her seat and never leave.
It's probably because she's terrified of going home and having to face Charlie's scrutinizing gaze and sleeping in a bed she'd once shared with Ed—him. Yeah, that's what it was.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then?" She glanced at him again, noticing that Jasper was looking at her with gentle eyes again. Bella knew he'd promised to not leave her behind, but a small part of her dreaded the images that flashed through her mind.
Her, finding her way back to the Cullen's home and finding it empty. Not a person in sight. No Esme or Carlisle, no Emmett, and Alice to tease her or drag her around like a doll. No Jasper to soothe her agony and keep her company even when she doesn't want it. She was terrified that come tomorrow, none of them will be in school either. Their usual table barren—as if none of them ever existed.
The very thought made her feel all sorts of helpless.
Loneliness was definitely not her friend.
"You'll be there...right?"
Jasper was quick to silence her worries once again, "Tomorrow. I promised you, darlin'. I'll be there."
"Okay..." Bella nodded, taking the relief she felt if only to get her out of the car and into her bedroom before the despair kicked in again. She was about to close the car door when Jasper called out her name. She peered down to look into the window and found him sporting a breathtaking smile, "Believe it or not, I've always noticed you too."
And just like that, Jasper's words remained with her long after he drove away. They'd given her an odd sense of security that was ridiculous but...it meant something. She didn't know what exactly, but Bella suddenly yearned to hear him speak more kind words in his smooth drawl.
She didn't know how long she'd stood on the front porch of her house, staring at the black Volvo that disappeared into the winding roads—but the farther away he got, the more she felt the tendrils of loneliness seeping over her body. A shiver ran up her spine as she turned and stepped into her house. The soft click of the door echoed in the quiet hall.
"Dad?" No answer. Charlie still wasn't home. Bella didn't know if she should be relieved or disappointed.
Bella slipped her jacket off her shoulders, barely placing it on the hooks by the wall before walking further into the house. The silence was deafening, the sound of her footsteps creaking the hardwood floor made her skin flood with goosebumps.
You're all alone now.
Alone and nothing.
Despite Jasper's kind words or the reassurances Alice and Esme gave her before she left, Bella couldn't seem to grasp them as she numbly wandered up the stairs. Her steps were as slow as the heart beating in her chest. The house felt colder than usual, making her shiver. It was strange. While she felt sad at the loss of him, she also felt numb. So numb she barely felt anything at all now. Especially now that Jasper was gone too...
Stepping into her bedroom, Bella stood by her desk as she eyed the missing photographs on the bulletin board. Hadn't she put a picture up there? It felt as though something was missing. Bella knew there were things she needed to do. But what was it again? Homework maybe? Wash her truck...or call Renee?
It doesn't matter, Bella flinched when she thought she heard his voice beside her.
Sinking onto the bed, Bella curled onto her side and stared at the window that a certain bronze-haired boy used to climb in from to keep the loneliness from haunting her in her dreams. Every night, Edward had been there for her. Every damn night, he loved her and told her he wanted her—not physically but in every other way imaginable. A future she would spend with him and his family someday. A love that would last an eternity. Forever.
Edward hadn't just been her boyfriend. The word never quite seemed to fit what he was to her, not really. But, Edward Cullen had been so much more than that.
He'd been her first love.
Her savior.
Her friend.
All of which made coming to terms with what he'd done to her so much worse.
And that was a hard pill to swallow.
This time when the tears came, there was no one to wipe them away. No one to hold her. But Bella didn't want any of that. Not when she wanted answers to the betrayal and fear she felt. All of which had been inflicted by her first love who may or may not return...
By the time Charlie came home around three in the afternoon, Bella had slipped into a deep sleep, curled onto her side and she didn't get out of bed for the rest of the day.
The following morning went by in a blur. Bella barely recalled speaking to Charlie shortly after waking up. Her eyelids felt heavy as she forced a protein bar into her mouth to get some semblance of food in her stomach that felt queasy all morning.
Charlie stared at his daughter from the table, watching her with worried eyes as she absentmindedly sipped on her coffee, her free hand gripping the edge of the counter as she stared at nothing in particular.
"Bells?"
Bella slowly turned her head to stare at her father with what appeared to be a lifeless gaze, "Yes?"
Charlie cleared his throat, not liking what he was seeing at all. "Is everything okay? You seem...off today."
Bella looked away quickly, hoping he wouldn't see the ache in her eyes when she said, "E-Edward and I broke up."
"Oh." Charlie sounded genuinely surprised as he sat back in his chair. He rubbed the scruff on his chin with his hand, frowning. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No." She was quick to shut that door in his face with an immediate response. Turning around, Bella quickly threw away the half-eaten protein bar and downed the rest of the lukewarm coffee in her mug. She wasted no time in reaching for her backpack that had been resting against the leg of the chair and picked it up. "I gotta go. Thanks for breakfast."
I didn't make breakfast; Charlie thought to himself as he eyed his daughter nervously. She was definitely not acting like her usual self but that was to be expected if the first boyfriend she's ever had broke up with her. Based on the detached way she was behaving, Charlie guessed it had been the Cullen boy who decided to break things off. Much to Charlie's disappointment. This time he was sure his daughter wouldn't object if he suddenly pulled up to the Cullen's home with his trusty shotgun.
Seeing her so down did not sit well with the man at all.
As she reached the front room, Charlie called out to her and stood up. Bella slowly turned and stared up at her father as he crossed the distance between them and pulled her into a tight hug.
Bella's eyes widened for a moment as she leaned into Charlie's chest, her hands hanging limply at her sides.
"I'm sorry, kiddo. I'm here for you if you need me. Whatever you need. Okay?" His understanding murmur made something ache in her chest all over again—breaking the dam she'd built to keep her tears at bay.
Bella's hands slowly closed around Charlie's flannel shirt as tears pricked the back of her eyes.
She didn't respond to him, not having the courage to speak when she felt so close to breaking down on his arms. Stepping back, she nodded and rushed out of the house—leaving Charlie at the entrance with a worried look etched across his gruff face.
Half an hour later, Bella found herself sitting in her truck after parking in her usual spot in the school parking lot. She hadn't realized she darted out of the house an hour before she was even supposed to be here and spent most of her time sitting in the silence of the cab. Subconsciously, Bella recalled that Emmett had installed a new system in her truck but the thought of using anything from that day made her stomach churn with memories of what followed after...
When it was finally time, Bella switched the ignition off, feeling she could shut her emotions off again. Unfortunately, her eyes stung after she'd allowed herself to cry on the drive over to the school and then some more while she waited.
What a wonderful way to pass the time...
God, she was tired. The nightmares last night had been bad, but by some miracle, Charlie hadn't been woken up by her pained yelp when she startled awake. Edward's harsh words and rough hands had plagued her, but she supposed she was lucky that James hadn't appeared in her dream. Seeing both of them standing side by side, lusting over her blood...
It was a picture she could never have imagined. It screwed with her head more than she would have liked, which only angered her. There were too many emotions overlapping inside, and it was driving her crazy. Bella barely got any sleep after that. Feeling as though she was running on autopilot, she closed her eyes. She leaned forward and rested her forehead against the steering wheel.
Get it together, Bella. You're okay.
The pain she felt between her thighs was barely noticeable now, and her lower lip was scabbed, barely noticeable after she applied a generous coat of foundation Alice had gifted her last Christmas. It was the first time she'd ever deemed to use the pixie's gift, but it came in handy—
A gentle knock on the driver's side window startled her, sending her heart ricocheting in her chest until a pair of golden eyes greeted her with amusement. Bella sighed, "Hey, Em." Emmett wasted little time opening the door once she started unbuckling her seatbelt.
"Mornin' Bells. You ready for another great day in hell?" Emmett grinned as he referred to their school as hell.
"As ready as I'll ever be." Was her answer.
Despite the exhaustion weighing down on her shoulders, Bella smiled at the burly young man. He always knew how to lighten the mood during the darkest of days. It was good to see him like this, especially today when all she wanted to do was go back home and sleep until the emptiness left behind in her chest faded away.
While she looked down to compose herself, not wanting to cry in front of him, she missed the way Emmett's amusement wilted slightly upon noticing the dark circles under her eyes but quickly masked his worry when she glanced up at him.
"Well, come on then!" After she didn't make any move to get out of the truck, Emmett slid his arms around her waist and practically dragged her out of the truck. Bella rolled her eyes as he set her down on the ground as though she were a child before reaching in for her backpack and shutting the door with a big smile plastered on his face. "The others are waiting!" He said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders before pulling her close to his side.
While the self-loathing voice in her head told her not to enjoy Emmett's presence, Bella found herself subconsciously leaning into his muscular chest when the urge to fall asleep for hours began to seep through her bones again.
Emmett noticed her steps slowing down and glanced down at her. "Hey, you know we got you, Bells. Right?" His hold on her shoulders tightened for a second, and he waited patiently until Bella's big brown eyes looked up at him questioningly. While he was sure the foundation she applied to her face would effectively fool the humans around them, it wouldn't distract him or any of the others so easily. The circles under her eyes had been the first thing he noticed. Then the cut on her lip which appeared a brighter shade of pink against her ashen skin. Under his large hand, the girl's bones felt brittle—glass that could be easily shattered. Emmett didn't like it at all, and he knew at that moment that if Edward ever deemed to return, he'd personally beat the crap out of him.
Bella's eyes flickered with emotion, and her brows pinched together. Her voice sounded so broken, "Emmett...I'm..."
Emmett granted her a small smile, "I know, little sister. It's okay. It's all going to be okay." Eventually.
Nodding, Emmett watched as the emotion in her eyes slowly washed away and was replaced with a recurring emptiness Emmett did not like seeing.
He led her across the parking lot where his Jeep was and towards the stairs where Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice waited. The Hales had grim looks on their faces—Jasper appearing more pissed than uncomfortable as he leaned against the brick wall. Rosalie, on the other hand, sported her usual look of indifference. Their intimidating presence effectively scared off all the students as they began rushing past them to get to their classes for the day. Alice, however, looked sympathetic and hopeful as she perked up the moment Bella's eyes locked on the pixie.
But when she locked gazes with Jasper, she felt herself come alive again, and as the day went by, it gradually became easier to breathe. To feel.
Because he hadn't lied to her.
Jasper was here. He was here every step of the way.
Thanks for reading x
Bella has such a long road ahead of her. But I'm confident the Cullens will help her, especially Jasper ;)
