Relief was a strange but welcomed feeling. It radiated warmth yet soothingly cooled Kuri as well. She didn't want to lose the sensation, hoping she'd get to surf on this high for weeks to come. Like an ocean, waves of comfort washed over her each time she looked at her arm to see that it was cleansed. Or maybe, relief was more like a pool?
Days ago, Kuri had finished her activity of jumping to the top of the school building. Though she had hoped for something not focused on jumping, for the next two days she was instructed to hop in laps around the school, proscribed from stopping at any time. Then, on Friday, the whole class took a break from quirk stuff to do combat training against each other. Kuri lost exactly half of her matches, considering she could barely maneuver herself and was forced to rely on her fists and wits alone. Cautiously optimistic that the second week would be different, Kuri once again hoped for less jumping but was quickly let down. For Monday through Thursday, she repeated the same activities as the previous week, but that time she had to wear weights on her ankles. Woohoo.
And then, on Thursday, just the day before, her tattoo disappeared once and for all. Her classmates who hadn't been in the room for the spectacle were quickly informed of why Kuri was a sobbing mess and all had given their congratulations. Not having to worry about her tattoo anymore was a liberating feeling. Now that she'd calmed herself down, Kuri was able to revel in the joy of having her biggest insecurity removed. However, old habits die hard, and she kept finding herself instinctually hiding her arm. It'd only been a day, though, so there was plenty of time to adjust. Or so she hoped.
That day, they had done a few hours of combat training in the morning, then Mr. Aizawa surprised them after lunch by telling them that they were done. Well, that was a lie. In actuality, he had hoped to do some kind of exercise using the pool, but no one had listened past the word "pool," and it turned into a recreational activity instead.
As Kuri changed into her swimsuit, it occurred to her that she hadn't gone swimming since her kidnapping. After all, there hadn't been any time, not to mention how distressed she was for the latter half of that summer. Though the school-issued swimsuit was by no means revealing, it left her arm uncovered. Kuri knew there was nothing wrong with that, but the part of her brain still rooted in the past subconsciously urged her to cover up the ghost of the tattoo. She fought against that itch, though, and allowed herself to let loose and enjoy herself. She needed to make up for all the tears shed the day before.
Speaking of her crying fit, Kuri couldn't stop thinking about how Bakugo had chosen to console her. In that tense and emotionally raw moment, Katsuki Bakugo, of all people, had wrapped her in a gentle hug. A hug! He had never hugged her before. Sure, it was probably an act he did as a friend, but she still couldn't get her mind off of it. And couldn't help but wonder if there was more behind it. Most of all, she wished she could hug him again, but there was no guarantee she'd get such an opportunity.
Now that he was on her mind, Kuri glanced over at Bakugo. He was by the side of the pool, sitting on the ledge with his legs hanging over the side. Kuri couldn't blame him for not actively swimming. His arms were probably beyond tired. In fact, Kuri's legs were exhausted too. Mina had dragged her and some others into a chaotic game of water polo (none of them knew how to play), and quitting to rest had been on her mind.
"I'm gonna take a break. My legs are tired," Kuri said to her friend. Mina gave a thumbs up.
"No worries, go ahead!" Mina said, quickly turning to throw the ball to Kaminari. It flew over his head and out of the pool. "Oops."
Kuri giggled as she paddled to the pool's edge. The water was cool—an attribute Kuri greatly appreciated on such a hot day. She got a glimpse of her bare arm as it glided through the water and grinned. She had never been more content.
"How's it going, Katsuki?" Nakano asked, resting her hands on the ledge as she looked up at him. Bakugo had watched her approach out of the corner of his eye, and yet she still caught him by surprise. Her cheeks looked sunburnt, but she was just as smiley as usual. Maybe even more. Bakugo was happy to see her like that. "I, for one, am very achy right now."
She hoisted herself up onto the ledge beside him, water dripping off of her and onto the concrete. Her skin glowed in the sun. As she plopped down, she sighed and glanced at him for a moment. Realizing he hadn't responded yet and was staring like a weirdo, Bakugo cleared his throat.
"I'm fine." That was a total lie, but he didn't want her to worry about him. Though his arms were killing him, he could bear with it. "Don't you need to leave for the airport soon?" he asked, changing the subject. Nakano shrugged.
"I've got forty-five minutes until I really need to get going. I'm already packed anyway," she said. Nakano swished her feet back and forth, making little waves.
"Excited to go home?" he asked.
"Yup!" she replied with a grin. He held back a smile of his own. "I can't wait to see my cats again! I hope they didn't forget about me—ow." She massaged her temples with her fingertips, her brow furrowed. Bakugo raised an eyebrow. "That wasn't a pun, by the way. My head just hurts."
"What's wrong?"
"Headache, I think. I probably haven't had enough water today. Unless the pool counts."
"Here, drink some then," Bakugo said, handing her the unopened plastic bottle he had beside him. He had initially grabbed it because he felt that he might've had a headache incoming and then forgot to actually drink it. But since Nakano needed some, he didn't hesitate to offer it. She thanked him and gulped down the water. After she was satisfied, she handed the bottle back to him. He was just about to unscrew the cap to drink some himself when a realization hit him.
Wait… would this be an indirect kiss?
Flustered by the thought of it, Bakugo shoved the water back into Nakano's hands and told her to keep it. As he did, he could feel the dull, throbbing pain of his headache returning.
"But anyway, I kind of feel like three weeks is a long time for me to visit. Like, I'm excited to see home and my family and friends, but… I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess I feel like I'm going to be homesick for UA," Nakano said.
"It's gonna be boring without you around," Bakugo muttered.
"Aw, going to miss me?" she teased. Bakugo struggled to sputter out a reply, embarrassed by her suggestion. The annoying part was that she was right. He would miss her, considering she was going to be gone for nearly a month. But he would've missed her even if the trip only lasted a second. At this point, though it pained him, he had accepted that he found her cute and wanted to be around her. What he still hadn't managed to figure out was if he reciprocated her feelings or not. And if she actually had feelings for him. But it's not like there was a way for him to figure it out. "Don't worry. I'm going to miss you too."
Unless she said shit like that. Nakano looked away shyly. But maybe it didn't mean anything?
"Shut up, Bunny…" he said. How did she even have the nerve to say such embarrassing things out loud? It was baffling to him, who was utterly incapable of expressing his feelings coherently. Hell, he couldn't even be coherent within his own mind. Especially not with this headache, which was getting worse by the second.
"Why don't you ever call me by my real name?" she asked, turning her gaze back toward him. "I don't really mind, but weren't you initially doing it to make fun of me?"
"Huh? I guess," he said, confused by her question. His brain felt fuzzy from the headache. "Now it's just kind of natural."
"Did you forget my first name or something?" she laughed. He rolled his eyes. Just because he never called her Kuri didn't mean he'd forgotten that was her name. It was just because it'd be too embarrassing. Referring to her as Kuri was… uncomfortably intimate.
"Of course not." Pain shot through his head for a second, and he winced. Luckily, Nakano didn't seem to notice. This headache would be the death of him. He felt so woozy and uncomfortable. Not like himself.
"Then, what's my name?"
Expectation poured off of Nakano in waves as she stared up at him. Her grin made it clear to Bakugo that this was some weird plot to force him into calling her Kuri, probably to tease him. His head was pounding, and his mouth was parched. Fuck, he should've just drunk that water. He was feeling delirious from how much it hurt. His brain was clocking out, and he blinked slowly at her. Had she always been that pretty?
He studied her face for a brief moment. Scattered freckles made it clear she'd spent many days in the sun. Her dimples showed like they did whenever she smiled (which was often). And her eyes… They were captivating. They shone with a soft fondness and delight. And a hint of something else as well.
"Nakano…" he said, his head slightly rocking side to side as he stared at her.
"That's my surname. Try again!"
"...Do you love me?"
It took Kuri a second to register what Bakugo had said. For one thing, her hearing occasionally failed her, and she couldn't make out what another person was saying. Then, she'd prompt them to repeat their statement until she finally got it or gave up. But in this case, Bakugo had uttered a string of words so unbelievable that Kuri didn't even process it as a sentence. Not that the phrase itself was abnormal, but that the speaker would have under no normal circumstances ever asked it.
Kuri's heart hammered in her chest, and a sense of foreboding swelled in her. Bakugo's muted red eyes clung to hers, his expression molded in a way completely unfamiliar to Kuri. It was a side of him she'd never seen before, and if Kuri wasn't so bent out of shape, she might have found it intriguing. Her thoughts churned within her. Spinning, spinning. The world was spinning. She willed herself for one moment to stay grounded and think because she had no idea what the hell was going on.
Why was Bakugo asking if she loved him?!
Could it be that he liked her? That wasn't possible, right? No way, he's gotta be messing with her… Then, Kuri considered Bakugo's face again. He looked so… sincere? She couldn't quite decipher his emotions at the moment. Anyway, he would never joke about something like that. He could barely handle her clumsy flirting!
So, how would she respond?
Because Kuri wished she could tell him. She'd bottled it all up inside for what felt like an eternity, and with each passing day, it became harder to hide her affection. What would happen if she just admitted it? She didn't know. But it would probably spur the downfall of their friendship. So she couldn't. But what if she just played it off?
Wait, I'm a genius!
Barely a second had passed as the multitude of thoughts created a whirlpool in her mind. Kuri chuckled tensely. Her palms were sweating profusely.
"Yeah, of course. Because we're friends," she said, barely able to croak out the syllables. She gave him a forced grin, hoping that he'd accept her answer. Bakugo's face changed slightly upon her reply, a twitch in the eye.
"Do you have a crush on me?" Bakugo asked, leaning in slightly closer to her. Too close, too close! Kuri's eyes darted away from his face, looking everywhere at once. The tide rushed over her. There was no escape.
Had he somehow caught on to her feelings? Was she really that obvious? Yeah, she totally was, but Bakugo had seemed oblivious up until then! Unless someone else had given it away? That didn't matter. It was already too late.
She couldn't so easily get out of this one without lying. But did she really want to pretend anymore? To keep up the facade of platonic relations, unable to express to the exact degree that she cared for him? He needed to know. She had to tell him.
And fuck it, if he asked those kinds of questions, he had better be prepared for her answer. She would rather risk it all and be upfront than let him ever think otherwise. Because she loved him, plain and simple.
After a few beats of quiet deliberation on her part, Kuri looked into the water and sighed. As she turned to face the pool, hope gleaming in her eyes, she folded her hands into her lap and swallowed.
"Yes," Kuri whispered, her head bowed slightly. A bead of water fell from a strand of her hair, dampening a small spot on her lap. "I've been in love with you for months."
It started slowly. A sense of recognition spread across Bakugo's skin and seeped into his brain. Frost formed on his limbs, creeping up towards his core. The cold stung, but he couldn't move. Not even a shiver escaped him. It dug deeper as the chill rooted itself in his bones, molding together, becoming one with him.
Bakugo's hand didn't let go of the tight grip it had on the ledge. He feared that if he relaxed, everything around him would crumble away.
The sun beat down on him—scathing, melting. His heart was the first to thaw. He first noticed this when his pulse skyrocketed. As his blood began to pump furiously throughout his body, Bakugo began to defrost. And then, his brain finally kicked in again.
What the fuck have I done?
In his altered state, the question that had been brewing inside of him for months managed to slip out. An extremely catastrophic accident. Or was it?
To be clear, Bakugo had no idea what he was doing. He didn't know how he felt or what it meant to be in love. But in a moment of weakness, a small part of him, deep down, believed that he did. Maybe he did actually like Nakano romantically. After all, he found her cute, so that must've meant something, right?
But then, to hear her readily admit what he already mostly knew, it planted inside of him a seed of doubt. To hear from Nakano's own mouth that she liked—no, loved him was beyond comprehension. Her passion was painfully sincere, and it intimidated him.
He couldn't possibly say the same thing back to her. A lump formed in his throat. Nakano continued to stare down at her lap. She was waiting for him to say something.
It was all a huge mistake. Everything. Every choice that had led up to this point was the wrong one because what in the fuck was he supposed to do now?
Both paths led to hell.
He couldn't even form a single thought that might have pointed him in the right direction. It was all blank. What was there to say to her if he didn't know what to say to himself?
I like her. I don't like her. I like her. I don't like her. Shit.
Nothing was sure. Nothing made sense. Bakugo had always thought he worked well under pressure, but this was a new experience. It was excruciating.
"I—" Bakugo said, torn. He had no idea where he was going with his sentence. "I can't—" His mouth immediately dried out. The heat of the day was suffocating. He couldn't articulate anything.
His face contorted in pain and frustration as he tried to come up with something to say. He didn't want to hurt her. That was all. If he could do that, everything would be just—
"It's fine," Nakano said quietly. Bakugo's heart sank. Her voice had a choked-up quality to it as if she were about to burst into tears. He tried to gauge her expression to see how much of a disaster he'd caused, but her face was turned away. Bakugo searched his mind frantically for something to say to mend their train wreck of a conversation. But even if he had come up with something, there was no way he would have been able to vocalize it.
After a moment, Nakano scrambled to her feet, standing up as fast as her aching legs could. Bakugo's hand reached out for hers, desperate.
"Ku—!" he caught himself. "Wait—!"
"Watch out!"
Bakugo's hand stopped mere centimeters away from Nakano's, but she quickly brought it up to cover her face. The water polo ball fell back into the pool, bobbing along the small waves.
"Oh my god, Kuri, are you okay?!" Ashido exclaimed, hurriedly wading over. "I'm so sorry! I should've been more careful."
Bakugo could barely move a muscle, but his gaze slowly panned up to Kuri's face. Her hand obscured her eyes, but he could see a distinct quivering frown on her lips. Bakugo relegated himself to sitting there, dumbstruck as Ashido rushed to Nakano's aid. He slowly retracted his hand.
And then he saw something fall. His eyes followed its rapid descent to the ground and watched as it seeped into the concrete. His breath hitched. Blood.
"Ah! Your nose!" Ashido exclaimed, noticing the blood as she hoisted herself out of the pool. Bakugo couldn't take his eyes off of the droplet, which was slowly dissipating. "Hold on, let's get you some tissues…"
The two of them walked away, leaving Bakugo by his lonesome. He let his shoulders relax slightly, only then realizing how tense he was. He groaned and let his head fall into his hands. Fuck, it hurt to support himself. He replayed their conversation over and over in his head.
He had remarkably fucked up.
He wanted to yell and curse himself until his vocal cords snapped about what he'd just done, but what would that fix? Nothing, because he was shitty, with or without a lecture from himself. He only could upset her. Every damn time.
They were only ever meant to be friends, nothing more. But it seemed like even that had been ruined. Whether or not he liked Nakano no longer mattered because there was no way she was going to speak to him after this.
Bakugo rubbed his eyes furiously. He wasn't crying. Why would he be? He felt nothing towards her.
He stood up from his spot, grabbing the forgotten water bottle. As he exited the pool area, he tossed it in the trash. Nakano wouldn't be needing it anymore. The door to the exit slammed shut behind him, a melancholy quiet in his wake.
Kuri saw it coming a mile away. She'd expected rejection from the moment she accepted that she had a crush on him. But knowing didn't lessen the pain. No one ever told her that heartbreak caused physical pain. That gut-wrenching feeling tore through her, eviscerating her love and leaving nothing but disenchantment.
It was embarrassing, to be frank. As Bakugo clumsily tried to turn her down, all she wanted was for him to stop. She hated loving him. She never should have said anything.
"It's fine."
Sickening. She couldn't handle having to hear from him what she already knew—that he didn't feel the same way. Regret filled her with each passing second, fueling her desire to run away from the situation. Her face was burning, and tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill over at any second. Nothing was worth staying for.
She stood up with all the speed of a person who had overworked their legs for two weeks, not giving Bakugo a second glance. She couldn't bear to see what he was thinking. Was he sad? Remorseful? Indifferent? No matter what, she was sure to cry at the sight of his face. She stared down at the ground.
"Ku—!" That caught her off guard, but she ignored him. "Wait—!"
"Watch out!"
Before she could process what was going on, Kuri was caught off guard by a ball to the face. Her hand instinctively went up to soothe the pain.
That really hurt.
Compounded with the rejection, being smacked in the face was the last thing required to send her into a crying fit. Setting aside the mortification of getting hit in the face, the pain was oddly intense. Despite her fragility, Kuri refused to let herself break down. Not in front of everyone, at least.
"Oh my god, Kuri, are you okay?!" Mina exclaimed. Kuri could hear her swimming over. "I'm so sorry! I should've been more careful."
Kuri continued to stand there, covering her eyes with her hand. A few tears leaked out onto her palm. She bit her lip in an attempt to hold back a pained whimper. She peeked through a gap in her fingers to see Mina climbing out of the pool. Kuri felt a strange, wet sensation in her nose. Drip.
"Ah! Your nose!" Mina exclaimed loudly. Kuri smelled the metallic scent of blood. It would figure that she'd get a bloody nose at a time like that. "Hold on, let's get you some tissues…"
Mina placed a hand on her shoulder and walked her to the bathroom. Kuri couldn't have been more grateful for that. She slid her hand down, allowing her eyes to remain visible so she could pinch her nose. However, she lowered her head, hoping no one would notice her clearly heartbroken mien.
The two of them quickly shuffled into the changing room, and as the door closed behind them, Mina rushed off to grab paper towels. Kuri remained where she was. Her emotions were getting to be uncontainable. Her eyes bored into the ground. The blood dripped down her hand.
"Ugh, I'm so sorry… It must've really hurt, considering that your nose started bleeding," Mina said, handing Kuri some dry paper towels. She took them from her wordlessly. Kuri held them against her nose, still unmoving and silent. Mina observed her face. Kuri continued to look elsewhere. "Are you okay?"
With that, the dam she'd been trying desperately to keep up cracked, releasing an unstoppable flood. Kuri let out a loud sob, tears bursting from her eyes. They flowed down her face, mixing with her smeared blood.
"Kuri?!" Mina exclaimed worriedly. "Does it hurt? Do you need an ice pack?" Kuri shook her head but continued to wail. She slowly shuffled over to a bench, easing herself down. Mina sat beside her, placing an arm around her shoulder. "What's wrong?"
Kuri could barely get out a word, let alone take a deep breath in between her uncontrollable sobs. She was aching so bad—her legs, her face, her heart—and the pain was insufferable. Deep, bellowing sobs wracked her body, and Mina rubbed her back consolingly.
"I… just got… rejected," Kuri choked out between hiccupped sobs.
"What?!" Kuri attempted to explain further but was cut off by her own hyperventilating. "Okay, wait, don't try to tell me yet. Let's stop the bleeding first and give you a minute to calm down."
Kuri nodded, and Mina rushed off to get her some wet paper towels to clean herself up. She sat there until the flood turned to a trickle. The dried tears on her face were sticky and uncomfortable. She lumbered over to a sink and splashed her face with cold water. It dripped down her face and all over the floor. She grabbed another paper towel.
"I think I've worn myself out now," Kuri said, patting her face dry. She felt a sharp pain in her head. Of course, her headache had gotten worse. She would have to chug some water later. "I bet you're wondering what happened."
"Why wouldn't I be? You literally just had a breakdown. It's only logical that I want to know what's going on."
Kuri laughed humorlessly as she sat down again. She wrung her hands—a nervous habit.
"I don't even know what to say. Katsuki and I were just having a normal conversation, and I teased him about never calling me Kuri, and then out of the blue, he asked if I loved him! And for some reason, I said yes! God, I'm such an idiot."
Kuri grasped her head with her hands in a gesture of dismay. Now that she was no longer in the heat of the moment, her regret was all-consuming. Mina stared at Kuri, the look in her eyes revealing her shock.
"And what did he say…?" she asked tentatively. Kuri sighed, picking up one of the used paper towels that had fallen from the pile beside her.
"Nothing, really. But I could tell he didn't feel the same way. I've known that from the start," Kuri said. She groaned, shaking her fists in anger. "Argh! Stupid Katuski! Why did he even ask? Just to make fun of me? He's such a jerk!"
Kuri sighed again, letting her arms fall. She wasn't really mad at him. But that didn't mean she wasn't confused. Clearly, he had no intention of confessing that he loved her, nor did Kuri get the sense that he felt that way at all. So why ask? He was so annoying!
Bakugo tricked her into confessing to him. But why? That was the question she kept returning to. It was insensate of him to ask her such a thing if he valued their friendship at all. He must've been out to humiliate her. It was all just some stupid, convoluted plan to make fun of her. It wasn't like he was particularly nice when they met. Why would their friendship have significance to him? Why would he care about her love?
Mina, too, wasn't sure what to say. For one thing, she was confused out of her mind. It was unprecedented for Bakugo to ask such a thing. She hadn't thought that "love" was even in his vocabulary.
Contrary to Kuri's beliefs, Mina suspects that Bakugo did, in fact, have feelings for her but didn't have the guts to say so. Of course, that was just Mina's expert, very biased opinion, but her intuition usually wasn't wrong. And her ships would never sink. Not under Captain Mina's watch!
However, complicating things with her speculation probably wasn't a good idea. Not yet, at least. And Mina didn't want to get Kuri's hopes up before she knew for sure how Bakugo felt about her. Noticing Kuri's contemplative frown, Mina decided that comforting her best friend took precedence above all else.
"It's gonna be okay, Kuri," Mina said, drawing her into a hug. Kuri returned the embrace. However, after just a few moments, Kuri pulled away, a distant look in her avoidant eyes.
"Whatever. No point in worrying about it. What's done is done. I like him, and he doesn't feel the same way," Kuri said, gathering the soiled paper towels beside her. Mina sat there, stunned. No, this wasn't her heart. She'd never say that. Kuri was the master of worrying.
"But, Kuri…" Mina murmured.
Kuri stood from the bench, tossing the handful of towels into the trash. She looked to the exit.
"I can't change how he feels," she said quietly. "I should get going. Don't want to miss my flight."
"Want me to walk you to the dorms?" Mina offered, moving to follow her.
"No, it's fine," Kuri said, opening the door. She paused for a moment. "Say goodbye to everyone for me."
And with a small wave, Kuri left.
