AS YOU ARE

"That's the way it is, I make you suffer and yet, as you say, you are quite satisfied with me, and you make me suffer and yet I want you to be exactly as you are and not a shade different."

—Franz Kafka, Letters to Felice

DECEMBER 5TH 2039

10:28PM MST

NEDERLAND, COLORADO


Jasper had hoped that feeding would clear Peter's head. That it would provid him with some clarity or some sort of comfort. Instead they had returned the same way they'd left: Peter barely talking, Jasper not much better, and Emmett frowning the whole way, not knowing how to comfort the other two.

That was the most frustrating part. For as well as Jasper knew and cared about Peter, he didn't know how the hell to comfort him. Not without physically manipulating his grief out of him with his ability (which he would not do for this). He had thought hard during their run back and forced himself to imagine being in Peter's shoes. What would Jasper want from his family if something unspeakable happened to Alice? If Jasper were mourning Alice's loss, what could anyone do to pull him out of his grief?

Jasper quickly decided it wasn't something he should be thinking about. A dark, sickening heaviness had begun to rumble low in the pit of his chest. He knew he would want the whole, ugly world to burn if anything ever took Alice away from him. He'd rip whoever was responsible limb from limb, kill them slowly, and then when all was said and done he'd… he'd—

Jasper swiftly stopped thinking about existing in a world without Alice after that.

He finally sought her out after he returned home. He wanted to talk to her. He needed to explain that he wasn't angry and that he didn't blame her. Peter's distress was beginning to sink into his own bones, and he needed Alice's comfort. Jasper needed the assurance of Alice's body against his, of her hands in his hair, of her safe and sound and near.

Alice was in their room, changing into a new set of clothes. She had only just shimmied a pair of black leggings on when Jasper opened the door, and barely glanced up at the sound of his entrance. She reached out for the long-sleeved black shirt she'd already thrown on the bed.

Jasper didn't speak as he approached. There wasn't much to be said. He waited for Alice to pull the shirt over her head—her hair was still dripping (never a good sign)—before he reached out for her, pulling the back of her arm until she was pressed against him.

He exhaled a shaky, horrid breath when she lifted her arms and wrapped them around him.

Alice was sad, worried, confused, and above it all her guilt was so fierce; it even eclipsed the guilt he felt. He hated the idea that she was blaming herself.

Jasper didn't say that out loud though. If he did, Alice would call him a hypocrite and demand that he stop blaming himself, too. Jasper would either refuse or not reply, which was a quiet refusal, and he did not need to possess her gift to know that it would either devolve into an argument or it would leave them both unhappy with the direction the conversation had taken.

He was not going to start an argument when they were both mourning their friend.

Jasper's thoughts drifted to Peter, who was sitting back in the den, watching as Rosalie re-drew the map on a larger paper and to a larger scale. It wasn't to correct any information but to busy her hands. They didn't know what else to do at the moment. They were waiting for something to happen.

Or for Alice to see something.

Right on cue, the buzzing started up. It was the sensation that occurred whenever a vision flickered across Alice's awareness. Not a literal buzzing, but an emotional static that prickled at Jasper's extra sense. It had confused him when they'd met and it was rare that he could decipher the lightning-fast emotions that accompanied each and every vision. The buzzing was how he knew she was seeing the future. The buzzing was how he knew her attention was split. Jasper sighed slowly.

He pressed a kiss to the top of her wet head. "I love you." It felt important to say, even if he said nothing else in this moment.

Alice did not pull away despite her visions trying to claim her focus. If anything she held him tighter for a few, aching seconds. Jasper felt her suffering and wanted to soothe her, to take the jagged emotions and smooth them into something softer, something kinder.

Alice shook her head against his chest. "I'll be okay," she muttered, her voice quieter than usual.

They had never suffered a loss like this before. They hadn't been this close to Irina, so while her death had saddened and yes, even frightened them, Jasper had been braced for it. While everyone else's fate had been in the air during their entire trek back to America, Irina's death had been a certain thing even before they'd located Nahuel and Huilen.

This loss was something different. Peter's pain hurt him, too.

"Will you be?" She asked softly, and she lifted her head to meet his eyes.

Jasper nodded. He would be fine. They both would. It was only Peter he worried about.

"We'll find who did this," Alice spoke these next words against his chest. The noise was muffled, quiet and only for them. "We'll find them and kill them and make everyone safe."

Jasper knew that they would. He nodded and held Alice tighter. Protecting their family was always what they'd done best. Their fiercest expression of love.

He whispered to her then, only to advise her to dry her hair (he knew that she hated it when it was wet) and informed her that taking thirty seconds to do so wouldn't be selfish. Alice relented and Jasper pulled away and she kissed him and he kissed her deeper. Alice pulled back before either of them could get carried away. He told her that he loved her again, and Alice returned the sentiment.

Rosalie intercepted Jasper when he reached the bottom of the stairs. She pulled him back into the den to point at the new map and ask if there was any chance of overlap, or of boundaries that were more fluid than she'd established. Jasper knew that after this conversation she'd have to rewrite the map again, but he still engaged in it, even though it wasn't providing them with any actual productive information.

A few minutes later Alice slowly drifted downstairs after him. Her hair was still wet—it was only then that Jasper realized he'd never heard the hair dryer turn on, and his chest ached at the scowl on her face—and her attention was now focused on dragging a chair into the library. A stack of legal pads were tucked beneath her arm, and her expression was one of fierce determination.

When Alice bumped into the TV stand, Peter jumped up from his seat to take her by the elbow and guide her, and the kitchen chair she was dragging, across the room. Jasper felt grateful at that but quickly the guilt settled overtop of it. Charlotte had been dead for a matter of hours. Peter did not think twice to escort Alice thirty feet. It made Jasper's chest feel tight.

Carlisle exited the library a few minutes later with his laptop tucked under his arm, a tablet in his hand. Jasper asked him what Alice was doing and Carlisle only shrugged in reply, explaining that she was currently rearranging the room. Peter did not reemerge to sit back on the couch and stare, so Jasper assumed she had put him to work.

After a few more minutes they all drifted curiously into the library after them.

Alice sat in the center of the floor, surrounded by evenly split piles of paper. Peter stood beside her, a roll of masking tape on his wrist. Every time she finished scribbling onto a paper, she ripped it off, handed it to him, and he walked over to a wall, or to a bookshelf, or wherever there was any room and taped it up. Emmett was the first to jump up and assist when Peter started shuffling papers around. It took Jasper an embarrassingly long time—about 6 seconds—to realize that they were alphabetizing the notes. The names of people they knew were scribbled at the top of each strip of paper.

Jasper stood watch behind Alice as she sat, hunched over, writing quickly against the legal pad, handing the paper off and then shifting slightly to face a new pile of papers and begin writing once more. Every so often a paper would display a name already written and it would be taped beneath the previous one.

Alice was chronicling specific visions as she received them. A few of the repeats were to be expected: she'd always seen their friends in Denali more often than the rest of their acquaintances. A few were less expected and less welcome.

She scribbled out Aro's and Jane's names often, and to his dismay, updates on Demetri were written more often than both of the previous two names combined. There were names missing of course, a couple of random nomads they'd met through the years, a handful of Carlisle's friends, and most notable of all: a few Volturi members were missing from the lists.

Jasper exchanged a look with Edward as he realized that, but Edward didn't look as concerned as Jasper felt. Edward just refocused on Alice, and watched her visions as they came to her. For what seemed like days, although it was only a couple hours, Jasper felt his family shuffling in and out of the room. It was clear that Alice would be at this for a long time and busying themselves with other tasks would be for the best.

Carlisle called out of work, claiming a sudden death in the family and lying about having to leave town quickly. Emmett spent some time in the garage, assisting Rosalie as she siphoned gas out of some cars and into others. If they, for some reason, needed to flee with vehicles, they would need the fast ones.

Ness was upstairs, having finally been coaxed into sleeping. Occasionally a burst of fear and panic would erupt from her bedroom, but it never lasted or lingered. Her nightmares didn't affect him too strongly (dreams never did) but Jasper found himself wishing for the usual tenor of her sleep. He enjoyed her waking company, but her dreams usually settled the house into a sublime restfulness. Everyone quieted, and sometimes the house would empty.

Bella was rifling through a few drawers in her and Edward's bedroom. They had all, individually, made sure to change into proper clothes over the course of the night. They would need to make sure that they could fight easily if they had to leave at the drop of a pin.

Esme was upstairs in the hallway, nervously folding laundry outside the door of Ness' bedroom. She was hesitant to be far from the girl. It had already been established that if they did have to flee at a moment's notice, Esme would be directly responsible for keeping Ness safe and Emmett would look after them both. Edward, Jasper, and Peter were the only ones that remained in the room with Alice while she worked.

Jasper was contemplating taking a trip to his office—his decision was half made and he was already opening his mouth to tell Peter that he'd be right back—when Alice's shock pulsed sharply and Edward gasped.

Jasper was on a knee, bent beside Alice before Edward had collected enough sense to speak. Alice gripped Jasper's forearm tightly, her nails digging into his skin as her worry fell straight into his system. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. "Alice, wh—"

"Maria," Edward's voice forced Jasper to snap his head upward. They locked eyes; Jasper hated the shock he saw and the dread rolling off of his aura. "She's coming here, from the mountains. It's—" he glanced down at Alice, whose nails were still digging into Jasper's arm, "She'll be here in two minutes. She has newborns with her."

Peter was out of the room before Jasper could pull himself onto his feet. "Pete, wait!" Jasper could barely hear the creak of the broken front door where the remaining half swung on its hinges and he rushed blindly after him. Peter fled from the house so damn fast, leaving only wind and fury in his wake.

Jasper shot out of the door after him and mentally screamed for Edward.

GET EMMETT, CARLISLE AND ROSE!

Jasper hated the shock that he felt as he ran after Peter. Peter didn't have too much ground on Jasper, but where Jasper had always been stronger, Peter had always just barely been faster than him.

Right now, Peter was being fueled by emotions Jasper had never before experienced and could only understand because he could feel them second-hand. Of course it wasn't the same, but if Peter didn't stop to think and let them put a goddamn plan together, Maria and whatever newborn army she had at her disposal would kill him as quickly as they had—

Damn it. Then, out loud: "Damn it!"

Jasper didn't want to believe that she had done this. There was no benefit to this. Unfortunately, Maria had never provided him with a reason to believe that she wouldn't. The last time they'd seen her she'd laughed at their despair, mocked Esme's tears, and spat in Edward's face. Of course she could do something this terrible.

"Do not track me down again," he had hissed the words in her face, and her lack of fear had only infuriated him further. He'd wanted to run her through with his fists. He'd wanted to do what he'd done to the two newborns she'd dragged along and rip her apart without a second glance. For a sick, glorious second he had wanted to become just what she wanted him to be: a monster that reveled in the triumph of lives ended at his hands. "Find us again, and I will kill you."

"Oh, Major," and he'd always fucking hated Maria's refusal to say his name. He'd tightened his grip on her throat, and when her eyes rolled into the back of her head Jasper had flinched at the memories that assaulted his senses. He released her swiftly and stumbled backward. She had chuckled and sighed, "We both know you won't."

That was after only a handful of humans had died. That had been after they'd been forced to leave Calgary overnight, their cover blown and their home and community in flames. That was far different than what was happening now.

Now, Charlotte was dead. Now, Maria had fucked with people he cared about. Now, he would have to kill her.

Jasper lost sight of Peter in the thick of the forest and growled, pushing his legs harder, trying to close the space that existed between them. He could just barely hear someone trailing after him. The fast approach meant that it was Edward, and Jasper's relief was strong. He's going to get himself killed, Jasper thought, panicked.

Seconds later, Edward was only a few yards behind him. "It's okay, Alice didn't see any—"

"Do not tell me what Alice did or did not see," Jasper snapped. He could feel guilty about that later, if he decided to at all. They could not depend on Alice's visions right now. Edward had to know that. Jasper used his anger to drive him forward. Edward could have passed him easily at this point, but for some reason he was sticking close. Edward, if Peter gets hurt because you're hovering over me…

Edward ignored him and stayed close. Jasper ignored him and focused on the path Peter was leading them on. "Pete!" He shouted again, but Peter was ignoring them both.

Jasper did not want to face Maria blind like this, but with Peter still moving forward, he would have to.

He did not see but instead heard when Peter found her. The sound of her sudden, furious shriek caused Jasper to stumble during his run. He would've fallen fully if it weren't for Edward, yanking his elbow up as he ran alongside him. The sound of her voice did something awful to his brain, grated so hard on his nerves, and disgustingly, made his mouth fill with venom.

"Wait," Edward's grip on Jasper's elbow tightened as he skidded to a stop. Edward took out a couple of trees as he physically forced Jasper's feet to still.

Jasper didn't have time to snap at Edward. He jerked his arm free, furious at the way his momentum had been ruined, but continued forward quickly. The sight that greeted him was what forced him to finally stop.

Eight newborns—no, seven, no—he paused and took a swift check of the immediate surroundings—no, nine—stood a close distance behind Maria. All of them were hunched low, ready to attack but not yet moving. Three were hissing and one of them was shouting—in English no less—"Maria! Maria please!"—and the rest were silent and looming. The few that hovered watched Jasper and Edward's approach instead of the scuffle in front of them.

One man, whose short-cropped hair was not much lighter than Jasper's own, widened his red eyes when he met Jasper's gaze.

Jasper did not have time to interpret the man's emotions before Maria's screaming slowed down enough for him to make sense of it. Her words were a mixture of Spanish and English and her fury was both an expectation and a warning.

"You have always been a no-brained—" she smacked a reaching arm away and spun beneath the opposite, "dimwitted excuse for a—" Peter landed a blow against her shoulder which Maria recovered from with startling speed, "rotted errand boy! A spoiled body that a fire should have eaten decades ago!" Maria dodged another punch and pushed Peter away from her.

Had Jasper not already been standing still, her sudden glare would have arrested him on the spot. "You—" Peter finally landed a blow, and he landed it hard.

Jasper had never once heard Maria's voice cut off the way it did now. A half-cough noise fell from her, as if the momentum of Peter's blow had forced sound from her lungs in an abrupt expulsion of air. Her eyes widened a fraction before the punch sent her flying forward, her hands just barely moving in time to catch herself.

Jasper would later tell himself that the main reason he stepped forward, moving toward the two, was because one of Maria's newborns, the one who had been speaking to her—as if the man could talk sense into someone as angry and determined as the only woman to ever hold a claim in Mexico—headed for Peter.

Peter turned away from Maria as the newborn rushed him, but Jasper was already halfway there. Peter hesitated for half of a second, trying to decide between guarding his back and finishing what he started, and during that hesitation the newborn stopped advancing and quickly stumbled backward.

The immediate retreat of the newborn made Peter's decision for him, but Maria was already stumbling away—a sick, rattling noise accompanied her every indrawn breath; Peter had hit her so hard on her back, just beneath her shoulder blade, it seemed he'd shattered something vital—so when he dove forward she was already standing and out of reach.

"Wait!" Edward finally shouted, but his voice was so easy to ignore. "No, Peter—stop for a second—"

Jasper's eyes remained trained on the newborn that was still slowly backing away. His wide, red eyes were solely focused on Jasper. Jasper didn't want the man to back off. He was feeling a rare adrenaline coursing through his body now. Jasper wanted a fight. He wanted Peter to finish off Maria so he could tear these men apart piece by piece.

It would never make up for the loss of Charlotte. But maybe it would make them feel a little fucking better.

Alice burst through the trees like a comet, and Jasper's head jerked to the side in horror as he heard her scream.

"STOP—PETER, STOP—!"

Alice moved too fast for Jasper or Edward to react in time, and headed straight toward Peter and Maria. Jasper watched, in horror, as she placed herself directly in between the two fighting vampires, turned…

…and with her back to Maria, she stared Peter down.

Peter, whose arm was already gaining momentum with the promise of another crushing blow, did not register Alice in front of him. Maria's left knee was sinking to the ground and her eyes were wide and furious; her head was going to land directly where Jasper could see Peter aiming. Peter did not flinch at Alice's sudden presence and he did not modulate the course of his arm or the amount of force Jasper could see building.

Jasper felt himself moving and just barely saw Edward reacting in his periphery. He wasn't going to make it in time. Edward wasn't going to make it in time. Peter wasn't stopping.

Alice's hands, lifted exactly where she needed them to be, just barely cushioned the blow that Peter landed against her chest. The force of it threw Alice backward and knocked her so hard into Maria that the two of them were rolling across the ground, head over heels.

Jasper had his arm wrapped around the back of Peter's neck before he could reorient himself and begin his next move.

"Pete!" Jasper screamed directly into his ear "Fucking pull it together." Jasper's anger was quick to cool with the skin of his arm pressed tightly against Peter's throat. In this position, Jasper could feel, so damn vividly, the extent of his friend's grief.

Jasper knew, before Peter could regain his senses, that he hadn't meant to hurt Alice. He was already bracing himself for the wave of guilt before Maria's own screech caused his head to snap to the side.

Edward had Maria on her knees in the dirt. He kneeled on top of the backs of her legs, with her right arm jerked and twisted behind her back. Her left arm was free but weakly clinging to the earth beneath her. Whatever damage Peter had done with his successful blow had been more severe than Jasper could believe. He'd only seen Maria like this once before.

Alice was a blur as she righted herself and lunged forward. For half of a second it looked as if she were going to rip Maria's head from her shoulders.

Instead, Alice shoved Edward, hard. In the same instant, her other hand flew behind Maria and when she yanked her elbow back, Edward let out a hiss of pain. Jasper watched, in shock as Edward released Maria fully, one hand grabbing at his opposite hand and—holy shit—Alice had broken two of his fingers.

Maria rolled away before anyone could react and then her screaming started making more sense.

"Dead, dirty, stupid fools! Damn you!" Maria screeched as she quickly backed away. Venom flew from her mouth with every word. "Damn you all to Hell! I hope he does find you! I hope he gets to you first and rips your fingers from your palms and lights his Church with candles made of Cullen," she spat the name and then spat for real, venom landing in the dirt.

Jasper watched as her newborns moved toward her—it was strange to feel the odd combination of horror and worry and anger from them—and when two of them tried stepping in front of her she stomped her foot and screeched. They stepped back after that.

"Stop," Alice had already helped Edward stand and assisted in setting his fingers right. "She's here to help," her words came out quickly. Miraculously, she appeared unhurt by Peter's punch. She muttered several soft 'sorry's to Edward as she stumbled toward—

"Alice," Jasper reached out to grab Alice's arm, shock and relief and confusion tumbling through him, and she stepped back and cleanly away. "What are you doing?"

"She didn't do it," Alice's words were another hurried rush. "It wasn't her, I swear to you." Alice's head shot toward Maria and the acute relief Jasper was feeling from both women finally forced him to stop. "Tell them," she pleaded, her eyes fixed on Maria's. "Tell them!"

"Tell them what? That I regret ever coming here? That I hope Father Esteban serves communion out of your empty skulls?! That he will kill you all gladly and I should fucking let him! That you—do not touch me," she reeled on one of her newborns, her eyes on fire.

Jasper heard a quiet 'pop' then, and whatever had been healing inside of Maria appeared to fix itself all at once. She was suddenly standing up straighter and her glare toward Alice turned into a glare toward him.

Jasper did not know what to say. He replayed her words once, and then twice.

"Who is Father Esteban?" Edward finally spoke.

The memory of Padre Esteban came to Jasper in flashes. A new blossom of dread, one that he did not realize had been hiding and waiting in the recesses of his chest, slowly bloomed, releasing a sick, unbidden feeling within him. Suddenly, everything made so much sense.


A/N: I hope you're as excited as I am to finally get to this point of the story. The next several chapters are some of my favorite in the whole fic, and Maria has been a fucking blast to write. Get ready for the chaos to unfold further, and a big thank you to anyone who has favorited, followed, and reviewed.