Kuri stared into the cup of warm amber liquid she held in her hands. Steam wafted from the surface of the tea, and Kuri inhaled it slowly, exhaling in a gentle blow. She grabbed another shortbread cookie from a plate in the center of the small table she, Mina, Izuku, and Ochako were crowded around. Kuri had invited her friends to hang out in her room to hopefully distract herself from the constant torture that was her consciousness, but it didn't seem to be working.
The other three chatted idly about such and such, and Kuri half-listened as her mind repeatedly drifted back to The Katsuki Conundrum, as she called it. Despite Kuri's insisting that she and Bakugo would return to being friends post-confession and post-kiss, their combined negligence only worsened the situation.
That day in the dreamscape, Kuri must have still been riding that high from kissing her crush (though thinking about it too hard made her tear up), as she'd managed to keep up a happy disposition in front of Bakugo. Then she made it to her bed, and suddenly every bad thought and unanswerable question descended upon her like seagulls spotting abandoned fries.
He resents me for the kiss. Is he actually into me? He won't want to be my friend anymore. Why didn't he push me away? And other such ideas which, once planted in the mind, were near-impossible to remove. Like weeds, they grew and spread, choking out the rest of the plants in the garden until Kuri's brain became a wasteland. But she tried to push it down and put a bit of effort into the friendship she promised she'd mend.
On their first day back at school after the impromptu mission against the vigilantes, Kuri asked Bakugo if he wanted to walk home together like they used to. It had been weeks since the last time, given summer vacation and their avoidance of each other after her stupid admittance of her love for him. Kuri's palms were slick with sweat as Bakugo uttered a hesitant "sure" and what followed was the second worst walk they ever went on. Conversation was minimal, the only words they exchanged being a question about the homework they had for the day, which Kuri asked in hopes of easing the tension. It didn't work.
The walk together that surpassed that one in horribleness was on the proceeding day. There was zero talking, only Kuri glancing at Bakugo every few seconds and finding him staring right back. Then either of them would look away in a mixture of embarrassment and anger—well, maybe it was just anger for Kuri. The sight of Bakugo's adorable, flustered blush when she caught him staring at her—though it sent a flutter through her stomach—was incredibly rage-inducing as it reminded her of THAT STUPID KISS EVERY DAMN TIME! And then those weeds would grow just a bit more.
Despite the irrationality of her anger, it compelled Kuri to force the after-school walks to an end. It was taxing to continue being alone with him in that painful silence, even if she loved him. Perhaps it was because she was in love that she pushed him away, but then again, maybe she was just tired of trying. Trying so hard to keep her feelings under the radar (failed), preserve their friendship (failing), and stop those weeds before they became all she was (to be determined). So on their third day back, as the school day closed and Bakugo walked to her desk, Kuri shamefully avoided his gaze and bounded out of the classroom before he could address her. Bakugo didn't bother coming to ask about their walk the following day.
Two weeks passed, and the death of their friendship turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Kuri hated herself for what she had caused. If only she weren't so prone to worry and doubt. Bakugo wasn't a bad guy; he clearly wanted to continue being friends with her (and Kuri was getting increasingly suspicious that he desired more). However, he seemed too eager to do just as Kuri was and avoid her entirely. Bakugo rarely, if ever, looked her in the eye or spoke to her. To be fair, Kuri also did neither. She had even regressed to feeling uncomfortable calling him Katsuki, even in her head. It felt too intimate, considering their lack of interaction.
Kuri didn't like what she was doing, of course, and desperately desired to run up to Bakugo and beg his forgiveness for avoiding him when they should be laughing and talking together as friends do. But the humiliation would be astounding, and Kuri couldn't bring herself to run the embarrassment gauntlet a third time. She felt utterly hopeless, on the verge of tears in front of her friends.
Oh yeah, her friends! Kuri pulled her unfocused eyes away from her teacup and to Ochako across the table from her. She was in the middle of recounting something that had happened at her work study. Kuri took a sip of her tea, markedly colder than she'd expected, and grabbed her third cookie. She nibbled at it leisurely, her eyes drifting down to focus on the wood grain of the table and thinking how it'd been a while since the four of them had hung out. Kuri was happy to spend time with them, even if her contributions to the conversation were… nonexistent. She tried to listen more intently to Ochako's story to vacation from her weed-infested flower beds.
"Hey, Kuri…" Ochako suddenly diverted from her anecdote. Kuri glanced up, her eyes blank but her mind busy. The three others were giving her concerned looks. "Is everything okay?"
"Sure," Kuri replied, looking back at her friends. They had undoubtedly noticed Kuri's brooding. "These cookies are good. Thanks for bringing them."
"Mhm…" Ochako hummed. "It's just that you haven't been acting like yourself for the past few weeks."
"Did something happen between you and Kacchan?" Izuku asked. "I haven't seen you two together in a while."
Mina gave her a knowing glance, presumably thinking of the pool confession. Kuri had not told anyone about it yet, besides her, but Mina didn't know there was more. Kuri had managed to keep it secret for nearly three weeks, not wanting to contend with the implications of the kiss in her retelling, but it was finally time. Concealing such a monumental event from her closest friends was unthinkable, and she couldn't let it continue a moment longer.
Kuri let out a huge sigh.
"You guys are too intuitive," Kuri chuckled and took a sip of her cold tea. "Yeah, I do have something I want to get off my chest. This'll be news to you too, Mina."
"Wait, what?! This isn't about the pool?"
"Huh? What happened at the pool?"
"Mina, what do you know that we don't?!"
"Everyone, please calm down…" Kuri murmured sheepishly, sipping more of her tea. They quieted, and Kuri cleared her throat. "I need y'all to be chill for this piece of information. So, I'm sure we all know how a few weeks back, Bakugo and I faced two vigilantes, and at some point, we were trapped in the dreamscape, not doing much while I was drunk."
"How'd I know it'd be about Bakugo…" Mina rolled her eyes, teasing. "Sorry, continue."
"You know me too well. Anyways, I already told everyone that after sobering up, I couldn't remember what happened, and Bakugo said I just acted silly and childish," Kuri said. She chewed on her lip awkwardly. "Well, he was lying. And so was I."
"About what?" Izuku asked. Kuri gulped.
"Well, I lied about not remembering, which Bakugo doesn't know. And… he lied about what happened…" Kuri trailed off again, her face turning bright red. It was more embarrassing than expected to tell her friends about it.
"So what happened then!" Mina exclaimed, eager for the big reveal. Kuri covered her face with her hands.
"While drunk, I flirted with him and got really close up to his face. I regained consciousness right as we were about to kiss. His eyes were already closed, so I just… went for it," Kuri muttered quietly. Her face was on fire. "He was my first kiss…"
For a moment, there was complete silence. Kuri did not dare remove her hands from her eyes to see what faces her friends were making.
"Oh my god…" Mina breathed.
"Congratulations, Kuri!" Izuku chirped. "Or, maybe not? I'm not sure what's going on right now."
"Wait, you made out with him?!" Ochako exclaimed.
"WHAT?!" Kuri blurted. She pulled her hands from her eyes, blinking against the light and blurriness. "No! There was no tongue, just a regular kiss!"
"Nonetheless, unbelievable," Mina said.
"For sure, considering he kinda rejected me before," Kuri sighed. "That's what happened at the pool, by the way."
Ochako and Izuku were shocked once again, and Kuri elaborately explained their conversation that day at the pool. Izuku expressed his surprise that she had a crush on Bakugo, as Kuri apparently forgot to tell him. He had always assumed they were just close friends, though Mina and Ochako asserted that Kuri's crush on Bakugo was obvious. Kuri's face flushed, and luckily Izuku saved her with a topic change.
"I find it strange that Kacchan would ask such a thing," he said. "I mean, to ask if you love him out of the blue… It's certainly out of character."
"I know. It confused the heck out of me," Kuri said, resting her chin on her hand. "We were on pretty awkward terms after that; not sure if you remember, but we didn't speak for like… a week after I came back? And the next time we spoke happened to be the day we were sent out on patrol."
"Wait, so you were still all awkward while fighting the vigilantes?" Ochako asked. "That must've sucked…"
"Oh, no, we kinda made up right before. I asked Bakugo if he'd forget what I said, and he agreed. Then immediately after, Izuku called to tell us the vigilantes were back in town," Kuri laughed. "Fighting distracted me from Bakugo, so it wasn't awkward. But immediately after, I kissed him, which threw a wrench in things."
"Y'know, Kuri, I just had a thought," Mina said. "Did he not try to avoid the kiss?" Kuri exhaled heatedly, and her hand curled into a fist.
"Wonderful question, Mina," Kuri said through gritted teeth. "The answer is no, and I don't understand why. You see, the moment I sobered up, I regained my memory of what happened while I was out. Up until I was conscious again, I had been moving at a snail's pace. He had ample time to do or say anything to stop me, but he didn't. His whole excuse when I asked him what happened was that he 'didn't have time to react,' which I don't quite buy. But I also feel bad because of the lack of consent in like… anything that happened?"
"Yikes," Ochako said. "Sorry for interjecting, but I just realized what you mean, and you're right, it's not great…"
"For one thing, I was drunk, so I understand his hesitancy to kiss me even if I was the initiator. But also, I wasn't drunk when I kissed him, but he doesn't know that so—argh! This sucks!" Kuri held her head in her hands. She stayed in that position for a few seconds before another thought occurred to her. "But why were his eyes closed? That's another thing that irks me, presuming he did not want me to kiss him. It's like he's sending mixed signals…"
"Kacchan is probably confused as well," Izuku said. "In these past few months, I feel his behavior changed a lot—even before you confessed to him. I think your confession sparked something in his brain, so now he's even more out of character."
"You're making it sound like he's in love with me," Kuri chuckled. Izuku shrugged to suggest her statement was conceivable. "If that were the case, why hasn't he said so yet? I've been thinking about that too. After the kiss, I told him to forget about it, but then he said, 'what if I don't,' and I almost thought he was about to confess, but he didn't. Perhaps it was just my wishful thinking."
"Well, I've known Kacchan practically my whole life, so I think I can say with some certainty that you are important to him, based on his actions," Izuku said. "I can't guarantee he loves you, but that's something to think about."
"Totally!" Ochako said. "But I think he likes you. Those eyes can't fool me! He's in love~!"
Kuri and Mina giggled at Ochako's confidently optimistic claims. Kuri took a long sip of her tea as she pondered further.
"I'm not sure what's going to happen now, though. I was so ready to follow through and keep my promise to stay friends, but I totally dropped the ball, and now we aren't talking. Everything's been so frustrating, and I'm sick of it." Kuri grumpily ate another cookie in pensive silence. She swallowed and took her last swig of tea, forcing a brighter expression onto her face. "And that's all there is to say about that. Anyone else have a fun story to tell?"
"Maybe in a moment, Kuri. First, I'd like to thank you for telling us all that," Mina said. Kuri blinked at her, confused as to why she was being so sincere out of the blue. "We've been pretty worried about you these past few weeks! I really appreciate you letting us know what was going on. If you have more troubles again, just talk to us, because we're here for you. I mean, friends are there for a reason."
Ochako and Izuku nodded.
"Bottling up your feelings does more harm than good, and we're here for you if you need to let it all out," Ochako said. "And even though we couldn't offer a solution today, maybe we will in the future, thanks to what you told us."
"Help?" Kuri laughed lightheartedly. "Are you gonna set us up somehow?"
"I mean, you never know what'll happen," Mina said. "We might figure something out."
"And if not, we're happy to just chat!" Izuku said. Kuri laughed at her friends' antics.
"Thanks, guys. This was a good ranting session. And you know, as much as I complain, I'm glad I did it all. The confession and the kiss," Kuri said. Her mind floated back to the feeling of her lips against his. Oh, how she wished she could go back to the carelessness of that moment when she wasn't burdened by the consequences of her actions. "Maybe it'll all be worth it later."
But will it work out in the end?
They were so far apart, even if he was literally on the same floor as her that second, and Kuri felt she could never communicate with him. Honestly, Kuri would be able to settle for friends if it meant talking to Bakugo again. But was it so wrong to want more?
"Anyways, I don't wanna think about him anymore. It's all too confusing," Kuri said.
"Okay, let's try to distract you then!" Mina said. "What's a good conversation topic?"
The four thought for a bit, and Kuri not-so-sneakily ate another cookie.
"The school festival is coming up," Izuku posited. "Do you guys have any ideas for what we should do?" Kuri chewed on her lip as she thought. Last year, Kuri had withheld from proposing anything because she was so new, but now she wanted to let her thoughts be heard. They did a musical performance last time… Perhaps they could do something similar?
"Maybe we could do a play?" Kuri suggested. "I remember last year Class B did an original one."
"Oh, yeah! The one we saw together!" Izuku said.
"Ooh, that sounds fun," Ochako said. "What would it be about?"
"I'm not sure…" Kuri said. "There's a lot of genres to choose from. And there's the question of if we'll choose an existing play or write our own like Class B."
"Wait, you guys," Mina said, an ambitious idea visibly brewing in her mind. "We literally have the rest of the afternoon to kill… Are y'all thinking what I'm thinking?"
They all glanced at each other. Ochako seemed to catch the scheming glint in Mina's eye.
"You think we can really write a whole play?" Ochako laughed.
"We can try," Izuku suggested.
"Yeah," Kuri said. "Why not?"
Katsuki tapped his pen against the inside of his notebook, focused on the soft, rhythmic sound rather than whatever Cementoss was teaching. He was usually more attentive, but recently, near the end of the school day, he found it hard to concentrate. He couldn't help wondering if it would finally be the day he got the guts to ask Kuri if she wanted to walk together again. She'd given him the cold shoulder almost three weeks ago, and he still hadn't managed to ask her why.
Why had she done it? Was it that she'd realized she was too good for him? Perhaps she wasn't into him anymore, despite all she'd said and done in the past few months. Could someone change their feelings so fast? Katsuki wasn't sure. He didn't think it was within his capabilities to do so. Otherwise, he probably wouldn't be worrying so much.
He wished he wasn't such a coward when it came to romance. He was outstandingly talented in every other facet, yet when it came to even the thought of talking to his crush, he choked up. Katsuki hadn't spoken to her in a long while, and the guilt piled on more every day. He needed to take action because it seemed clear that Kuri wouldn't.
He glanced at the clock: three minutes until the end of class.
Will today be it?
Katsuki could barely curb the desire to steal a glance at Kuri. It wasn't often that he got to look at her nowadays, what with their mutual avoidance. Too bad she didn't have her old seat from when they were first years, then all he'd only have to turn his head slightly to see her. Though he was sure he could subtly look behind him to get a peek and work up the courage to talk to her, Katsuki knew he'd just be coming face-to-face with Deku's ugly mug, so that idea was off the table.
He sighed and quit tapping his pen. Katsuki had always been awkward around Kuri, and for no real reason. That's something he'd realized in the past few days. He constantly stumbled over his words (or did not speak at all) and did stupid shit since the day they met. It was worse now that he was head over heels for Kuri despite her deliberately dodging him. Why was he so ass at timing? Finally, Katsuki knew he reciprocated her feelings, only to find Kuri might not feel that way anymore. He curled his hand into a fist, gripping his pen tightly. Fuck it, he should fix things anyway because if he stalled any longer, their relationship would be unsalvagable.
Katsuki's eyes darted up as Cementoss announced the end of class and dismissed everyone. In a burst of energy, he shoved everything into his bag haphazardly and slung it over his shoulder. Though Katsuki was uncertain of Kuri's current feelings and his ability to make amends, he trudged forward, passing by Deku and stopping at Kuri's desk.
Kuri was placing items back into her pencil case when Katsuki arrived beside her but paused upon noticing him. She slowly lifted her head to look at him, and Katsuki got a good look at her eyes. They were nervous, confused, and perhaps a bit ashamed. Just how Katsuki felt at that moment.
"What's up?" she said, reaching to put her pencil case in her bag but not breaking his stare. Katsuki gulped.
"Do you wanna walk back to the dorm together?" he said a bit gruffly, accidentally compensating for his nervousness. "It's been a while."
Kuri blinked at him, surprise flashing across her face. Her lips pulled into a taut smile, the tension in her expression exposing her discomfort.
"Sure, I'm fine with that," Kuri said. Katsuki nodded, a sea of thoughts churning in his mind as he waited for Kuri to finish packing her things.
He was glad she agreed to go with him, but why say yes if she looked so uncomfortable with it? He must've done something wrong recently… Why else would she be avoiding him like this? Was it because he was avoiding her? That didn't make sense since she did it first. It would've been something prior, but Katsuki couldn't think of what.
They navigated through the crowded halls without conversation. In the past, Kuri had a lot to say about the school day, what she had for lunch, her dream the night before, that night's homework, and more, but it had become their new normal to ignore each other. Katsuki hated the silence.
As they left the building, Katsuki got a rush of nostalgia for their first walk home together. Kuri had chased him for days, begging to accompany him until he finally gave up on outrunning her each day and begrudgingly went along with her whims. She very clearly had a crush on him, and he was blind to his evolving feelings for her. Katsuki couldn't believe that not even a year had passed since then, yet the tables had turned already.
Katsuki periodically stole glances at Kuri as they strode toward the dorms, wondering if she was willing to say anything to him, like the old days when she chatted up a storm. When they reached the dorm's doorstep, he realized he would have to take it upon himself to start the conversation, albeit a bit late. He sighed internally and opted for a question he desperately wanted an answer to (which, in hindsight, was a shitty icebreaker).
"Why are we avoiding each other?" Katsuki asked, trying to mask his dejection, which he feared would be present in his voice. Kuri stopped and whipped her head up, looking at Katsuki with unequivocal guilt. She held her arms close to her chest, and her eyes suddenly shied away.
"I'm sorry…" she muttered. For a few seconds, Kuri was silent as she chewed on her lip, clearly wrestling with her thoughts. "I have a reason," she croaked out. "It's just… kinda stupid. It doesn't matter."
"It matters to me. I won't think it's stupid," Katsuki asserted.
"Why does it matter to you?" she snapped, glancing at him as she delivered a line laden with acid. Katsuki flinched and caught a flash of remorse in Kuri's eyes as they darted away. He gulped.
Because I like you.
Katsuki shook away the urge to confess. Not here, not now.
"Because I'm sorry too," he said. "I want to make up for the weeks I spent shunning you." Kuri glanced back at the path, drawing Katsuki's attention to some of their classmates approaching. They looked back at each other.
"Let's take this inside," she said.
"Agreed." Katsuki grabbed the door handle, and they shuffled indoors, trading in their shoes for slippers and walking to the elevator before Kuri picked up the conversation again.
"I think I just don't know how to tell you," she said as they stepped into the elevator. "It feels weird to say it out loud because like I said, it's a stupid reason."
"Did I do something to upset you?" Katsuki hesitantly asked. His great fear was that he had fucked up and incurred Kuri's quiet hatred. Thankfully, she shook her head.
"No, not exactly," Kuri said, and Katsuki wondered what the hell that could mean. "It's more to do with me…"
"Then what's wrong?" Katsuki asked.
The elevator arrived at their floor, and Kuri stepped out, pausing a few paces ahead of him. She stood near the window, looked down at her feet, then took a deep breath in and out. Katsuki watched her theatrics in anticipation. Finally, the moment of truth…
"I'm avoiding you because I like you too much," Kuri proclaimed. Katsuki stood in awe. She still liked him. All was well. "And I'm kinda mad about stuff, so, sorry, but I need to take a break from you. For a while."
Okay, maybe not all was well.
"What stuff?" Katsuki asked frantically.
"I don't know… A lot… But I don't need an apology right now. I just want to figure some things out because I might not even be mad. I'm just…" Kuri took a few steps away, still not facing him. "I'm confused, and I don't think I'm ready to talk this out yet. Maybe later."
Well, it's not like us not talking to each other is new.
Katsuki sighed.
"Then, I'll give you some space," he said. Because I like you.
Kuri looked over her shoulder at him. She gave a nervous nod but finally let a small, natural smile caress her face.
"Thanks, I'll tell you when I'm ready," she said. "And I'll try not to be long."
Katsuki watched her go with a melancholic smile. As the door shut behind Kuri, a surge of sadness hit him. He hated the waiting game, but he would do anything for Kuri. And, hopefully, if he was kind to her in the meantime, perhaps she'd be able to sort out her thoughts a bit quicker. In Katsuki's ideal world, she'd want to return to being friends, which would allow him to foster the right environment to confess. All he wanted was to say those three little words to her, but it seemed he must continue to hold back.
Why did it have to be so hard to tell her? Not just that he liked her, which could be misconstrued as general pleasant feelings about their friendship. No, he had to deliver the full weight of his feelings. He couldn't wait, but fear held him back. He glanced at Kuri's door from afar before heading to his room.
I lov— Nope, can't do it.
