Chapter 9 "Jealously and Hope" (End of July 1983)
(Song suggestion-Depeche Mode, "Just Can't Get Enough")
A Day Later
Janine Melnitz
Egon's words that I was too intelligent for this job echoed in my ears and persuaded me to finish my degree program in computer systems. This fall, I decided I would take a class, a another in Spring and then complete the last one next fall (1984). I would be able to graduate in December, the first one in my immediate family with a bachelor's degree. The idea made me proud of myself, and my self-confidence strengthened with Dr. Spengler's encouragement. Rapidly, I wrote a note on a post-it to call my advisor later today to register for the upcoming semester.
I joyfully recalled my discussion with Egon yesterday when he consoled me when I broke down weeping after one of my Mom's lectures. Consequently, my heart melted despite my tears, and I felt very treasured by him. I cherished that feeling from him and his sweet words that consoled me. It was evident that Dr. Spengler disliked that I was upset, but I never expected him to behave in such a caring way. Gently, he wiped a tear off my face with his fingertips and later used them to caress my cheek. The moment was highly romantic, and I felt like swooning while I was in Egon's arms.
On top of everything, Dr. Spengler's taut body pressed against mine caused a flush of heat to run through me several times as we embraced, and I felt aroused by his closeness. His soft touch on my cheek, face, and shoulders ignited a desire in me for him to caress more private areas of my body, and I wish I had just grabbed and kissed him. I had coveted to kiss Egon's sexy lips for so long, and yesterday, it felt just out of reach.
Egon Spengler
As a theoretical physicist, my job was to contemplate the bigger picture. I often retreated to my office and shut the door in order to do so, and today, I continued my trend. Lying on the sofa I had in there and removing my glasses from my face, I put my hands on my temples and then tried to focus on the problem. This time the subject wasn't a physics principle-it was our lovely Brooklynite secretary, Janine and my growing affection for her.
Shutting my eyes, I drifted asleep, dreaming about how Janine would feel if she was lying in my arms right now.
An undetermined amount of time passed, and I abruptly woke myself with a loud snore. Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes before reapplying my glasses to my face. I noticed something on my desk that I didn't see earlier- a box of twinkies, a six-pack of cokes, and a note on my desk that I hadn't noticed earlier. Curiously, I stood from the sofa and reached for the note next to the items. A giant toothless grin came to my face as I read the note. The note read-
Egon,
Thank you for listening and encouraging me to complete my degree yesterday. I appreciate it.
Janine (she kissed the paper)
My heart palpitated quickly in my chest, and I, yearningly, traced the outline of her name on the paper with my index finger.
Suspiring noisily, I shut my eyes and stated, " I am in control of my actions and emotions at all times," repetitively until I felt that statement was true. It took seventeen minutes.
Three weeks later
One morning on a bust, my proton pack stopped working, leaving me powerless to serve the others in trapping a particularly annoying ghost. I had to take a taxi back because the guys had another case after that one. The firehouse was empty, and I noticed that Janine was absent. Truthfully, I thought that was for the best after I decided to disregard her as much as possible by staying in the lab. I ascended the stairs without my proton pack, and hear a strange noise.
"That is harder than it looks, "Janine retorted sarcastically in her Brooklyn accent, watching the TV. She was sitting on the red sofa and rubbing one of her feet with a cynical expression on her face. Perplexed about her comment,I questioned her as I entered the landing as I heard strange noises,
"Am I interrupting, Janine?"
The petite auburn-haired lady almost leaped from the sofa ten feet high when she heard me, and it caused me to give her a smirk involuntarily.
"Damn," I thought, examining her as she recovered from her scare, " she's breathtaking."
Janine wore a short brown skirt with matching heels and a cream-colored sleeveless blouse with a bow at the front.
" Oh! Dr. Spengler, I didn't know you were here," she exclaimed, startled, her right hand, unconsciously, playing with the locket that she always wore around her neck.
"Uhm, I apologize for frightening you, Ms. Melnitz, I thought you were out running errands," I politely commented.
"No, I completed that already," she answered.
Once again, an unfamiliar noise came from the TV set -the sounds of people moaning and groaning. I strode closer to the TV to determine the cause of the sound, and I realized that it was a couple making love in a tub. Janine's cheeks turned crimson, and I glanced at her with a tiny devious grin that I couldn't prevent myself from giving.
"Catching up on my soaps," she shyly admitted, shrugging.
Janine then jumped from her chair, changed the TV station to the afternoon news, and walked to the kitchen to disguise her embarrassment. Next, she removed the items from one of the brown bags full of groceries to put away, and I joined her in the kitchen to retrieve a coke from the fridge and make a PBJ sandwich.
"Where are the others," Janine questioned nonchalantly, and I explained the situation, scooping peanut butter with a knife out of the Jif jar in a large amount and spreading it on two slices of wheat bread. To my surprise, she handed me a paper plate to put my sandwich on, and I thanked her with a curt nod. Janine gave me a pretty smile in return.
Adding chips to my plate, I stepped to the table to eat. I involuntarily placed myself in a perfect seat to view her in the kitchen. From my chair, I observed Janine put items in the fridge while softly singing. I chose to watch the news in order to disregard her, but later, she sat down across from me at the table with a glass of water.
"Oh, owwww," Janine painfully moaned, removing her feet from her heels.
Slowly, she rubbed her right foot with her hand with her eyes closed, and I took full advantage of my view. Her blouse revealed her cleavage when she bent down, and I noticed that she had small but perky breasts. I wondered how they would feel in my hands as I felt my temperature rise in my body.
Biting my lip, I thought how badly I wanted to touch Janine's body all over, first with my hands and then again with my lips. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to calm my senses, and took a bite of my sandwich. Then I made the conscious decision to view the TV again, and repeated Sir Isaac Newton's second law of physics.
Opening her pretty blue eyes after a few seconds, she slipped her feet back into them like when Cinderella put hers in the glass slippers in the fairytale.
I, meanwhile, wrestled with the daydream that I was in the middle of imagining. First, I envisioned coming behind Janine, putting my arms around her tiny waist, and whispering how gorgeous and sexy she was in her ear. I would kiss her ardently to show her how I felt about her.
Blushing at the mere notion of my fantasy, I wished I could act so brazenly and glanced at her for a second to discover her drinking from her glass.
"Would Janine lose her composure and slap me if I went behind her and kissed her," I wondered as I took another bite of my sandwich.
"You must have a date after work," I deduced after a few minutes of silence, pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose with my index finger. I took another bite of my PBJ and chewed awaiting a response.
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, your cosmetics are slightly brighter than usual, and your blouse is...ahem...slightly revealing," I conceded, clearing my throat.
My face felt like a sunburn, and my pulse increase as I awaited her response. Our eyes met for a few seconds, and she cutely simpered.
" Why Dr. Spengler, I assume you are too industrious to notice me," Janine playfully flirted.
The way the tantalizing secretary drew my name out as she uttered it with her lucrative mouth mesmerized me. Janine gave me a dazzling smile, and I felt very piqued by her. Her smile and gently teasing pulled at my heartstrings, and my heart pounded in my chest wildly. As a response, I attempted to repeat Newton's first law to quiet myself down and moved my eye line from her to my sandwich. I started to eat it again.
However, it didn't work because I was enchanted and aroused by this sensual woman. The hunger for that sandwich had left my stomach, and a new desire had taken over me, one for the resplendent Janine Melnitz.
"Why, thank you, Dr. Spengler; I will take that as a compliment," she breathily responded. Gulping uneasily, I withdrew my gaze from Janine. I enjoyed her "bedroom" voice, as it were, and it stimulated my groin when she spoke in that manner. Everything about the Brooklynite was arousing me now.
"Geez," I thought, "did I travel back to when I was sixteen, and everything about a woman aroused me?"
"Force is equal to the change in momentum (mass times velocity) over time. In other words, the rate of change is directly proportional to the amount of force applied", I thought to myself, looking at the TV set but not focusing on it.
Before I knew it, I elucidated myself further by saying, "as a scientist, I always observe things and people, but ...I... always hear... and see you, Janine. You are too...uhm... lovely to disregard."
The intriguing woman let out a pleasing-sounding giggle and lowered her eyes. Next, Janine sipped water from her glass to cover it from me, but I wasn't sure why. We were silent, and it was tense for a moment.
"Thank you for the sweet praise," Janine purred slowly, fluttering her eyelashes at me. After a while, I twisted to see the TV better and scolded myself for talking so much to her.
"Yes, I do have a date. I am going to the Museum of Modern Art tonight. They have a special exhibit on Impressionism that I want to see that ends tonight," Janine cheerfully informed, breaking the silence a little later.
"Force is equal to the change in momentum (mass times velocity) over time. In other words, the rate of change is directly proportional to the amount of force applied", I thought to myself, looking at the TV set and not her.
"Do you like Impressionism?"
"Yes, I do. I am very pumped about going. One thing I love about impressionists is their use of color. Monet, Manet, Renoir, Degas, and Cezzane. I'd love to go to Paris and go to the Musee de Orsay," she lively answered, interested in the topic," do you admire art?"
"Mental note: Janine likes the Impressionist artist and would like to go to Paris to go to the Musee d'Orsay," I thought to myself, involuntarily, committing it to memory for future use.
"Yes, some. Particularly, the Classical and the Baroque periods," I remarked then asked quietly, "are you going with Tony, the guy that you introduced to all of us last week?"
This question startled Janine and me when I uttered it, yet my face still flushed with blazing heat. At least, her face matched mine in color, I observed.
"Yes, but I didn't think that you were paying attention when I introduced him to you all," she remarked, appalled yet clearly gratified that I paid attention.
"Do you remember what I told you just a second ago?"
Blushing, Janine glanced up at me through her eyelashes, looking very provocative, then nodded slightly.
"You are flattering me today, and I love it! It must be my lucky day," she happily exclaimed as I ate my sandwich.
"You can do better than him, by the way. We didn't like him because he seemed like an arrogant imbecile," I revealed later, my palms sweating as I spoke.
"It was true that we all agreed that he seemed like a jerk," I thought to myself, but I added the arrogant part, "where is my boldness to say what I think coming from today?"
"Tony is a friend of my childhood best friend, Bree, and I already knew he had those tendencies. If he's a blockhead tonight, I won't be going on a third date,"
Janine told. She then explained that she promised her friend that she would give Tony a two-date trial.
"So, I picked the date tonight, so at least it won't be a total waste since I want to see this exhibit," she divulged in a babbling sort of way and stood up to put her now empty glass into the sink. Janine began to fill a watering container with tap water to give our potted plants a drink, and she brought it to the kitchen table.
Grumpily, I thought about how Janine had to compromise to go to the exhibit and felt a frown form on my face. I didn't like Tony and wondered if she noticed my expression.
"It's too bad that you have to go with someone you don't like in order to attend the exhibit," I countered. Swiftly, I stood up, realizing that I had to leave the kitchen area as I became increasingly irritated with the thought of Janine on a date with someone else.
We gazed into each other's eyes for a couple of seconds before she replied, sassily,
"I guess so, but I don't have anyone else to go with. I believe art is to be enjoyed best with someone."
Curtly nodding, I excused myself and returned to my work in the lab. As I entered my sanctuary, my pulse raced, and my thoughts jumbled. The idea of Janine going on a date with Tony and becoming affectionate with him turned my stomach.
"You are not jealous, Egon Spengler," I repeated angrily, walking around the room with my hands on my head, over and over.
As I heard my business partners talking downstairs, I decided to meditate on the roof. I knew they would agitate me about it and wanted to avoid that at all costs. Regrettably, I had to pass the landing to get to the stairs and heard Janine talking to her plants, lovingly, as she watered them. Despite my attempts to ignore her, I felt myself melt when I heard her doing so as I wished for her to speak to me in that type of doting voice.
"Why is Janine going out with that moron," I mumbled angrily, "I'd take her to the exhibit if I had known she wanted to go."
That last statement was duplicated in my mind several times as it dawned on me that I wished to take her on a date to this exhibit.
"Oh crumbs," I murmured, having a sinking feeling in my stomach, "that's why I am jealous. I want to go with Janine."
All my control over my feelings for Janine before speaking to her had slipped away. The tighter I attempted to control my life, the further it pulled away, and I despised being out of control and had to solve this puzzle.
Dr. Peter Venkman
"What's wrong," I questioned Egon as we were returning from a bust that evening. At the time, we were driving past the Museum of Modern Art.
"Janine," he grumbled from the back, with a scowl on his face.
"Did you say J is the problem," Ray asked, pretending to be hard of hearing.
"Nevermind," our theoretical physicist answered in a huff as he gazed out of the window. I gave Stantz a dirty look and hit him on his shoulder with my right fist.
"Come on, we are all friends here," I offered, lighting up a cigarette, "would you like to talk about it?"
"Would it be possible to do it without all of the usual joking and teasing for one day," he asked, pouting solemnly.
Shrugging, Ray and I glanced at each other, then Stantz said, "Sure, Spengler."
"Sounds serious," I thought to myself but didn't utter it.
"Janine's going out with Tony again tonight to the Impressionism exhibit," Egon relayed, shocking both of us by speaking up about his concerns.
"'How do you know," Ray inquired.
"When I came back earlier from the bust, we were talking, and I made a deduction that she had a date tonight," he sourly replied, shaking his head side to side.
"I didn't think you were speaking to her right now because you have been avoiding her since whatever happened between you two last," I drily reminded.
"Iggy, you usually do run away from interacting with her after the two of you kiss or whatever you do together alone."
"Is that really what you think is going on," he asked incredulously.
"No, I don't think Janine would be able to hide her excitement if that was the case. Neither would you," I stated.
"I don't understand her taste in men sometimes; that guy is a dick," Ray questioned, "Why do nice ladies go for assholes. Janine's dated nicer guys than that one. My sister, Lucy, almost married a complete dickhead before she woke up."
Sighing, Egon explained the situation.
"OK, why are you bummed out about it," Ray asked innocently, giving me a mischievous look.
"I don't like the idea of her going out with Tony again when he's a jerk, and she doesn't enjoy spending time with him," Egon replied gloomily.
"Yes, but why," I questioned, digging further.
"I care about her," the genius Ghostbuster commented agitatedly.
"We already knew that Spengs, but I didn't think you did or did you?"
"As you reported earlier, I have been attempting to avoid Janine, so yes, I would say I knew that but didn't want to admit it. Before you state it, Venkman, I have circumvented my feelings for a while. Still, in my defense, I didn't even realize how I felt until somewhat recently," Iggy divulged, honestly.
"I'm proud of you for admitting it, Iggy. I know it is burdensome for you," I turned around to look at him with a grin from the passenger seat and complimented him. However, Spengler rolled his eyes at me.
"What's so bad about caring for Janine," Ray inquired, "I think she's a pretty cool woman and attractive, too."
"I guess she's an obstruction in my life. What are you, my therapist," he questioned, showing signs of anger, and I realized that Egon might be shutting down soon.
"An obstruction from what," I inquired cynically," from working all of the time? From spores, mold, and fungus?"
"My pursuit of a Nobel," Egon stated exasperatedly.
"What does your therapist say," Ray probed, " have you told him about Janine?"
Spengler overlooked Ray's question, and the grave expression returned to his long face. Stantz and I glanced at each other as we felt the car's atmosphere become tense and realized that our friend was done talking.
"Why don't you ask her to go with you to the exhibit instead and see what she says," Ray questioned helpfully.
"Tonight's the last night of the exhibit," Spengler uttered through gritted teeth as we pulled onto the street where the firehouse was located.
"Oh," the youngest Ghostbuster replied, unsure of what to say..
"It doesn't matter either way. I won't be asking her out whether it is tonight or another night," Egon answered solemnly without an expression on his face.
"I don't have time for anything else other than my pursuit of the Nobel."
Ray parked the car in the firehouse, effectively ending all conversation. Iggy exited the car rapidly to put the ghost traps in the containment unit downstairs. He walked right by Janine without speaking to her, and her face fell in disappointment.
"You know the only thing worse than being in love with Egon Spengler," I asked Ray before we left the car. I put my cigarette out in the ashtray first and grabbed Janine's paperwork for the accounting.
"What?"
"Being Egon Spengler himself," I sarcastically answered," his internal struggle is real, and he doesn't know how to let himself be happy."
"That may be true, but I worry about Janine. She's truly smitten over him, and let's say Egon gives it a chance for a while. Then he breaks her heart because he decides science is more important to him. Janine would be devastated," Ray mentioned, worried.
"I don't think it's going to matter, Raymond. Egon's not going to make a move on Janine, and I can almost guarantee it. Yes, she will be hurt by it for a while until she moves on either due to frustration or under being tired of waiting for him to make a move," I countered sadly.
" I think Spengler would have made a move already.."
"He said it took him a long time to realize his feelings," Ray pointed out.
"Egon doesn't want any change in his life and possibly can't handle it if he did. He's getting set in his ways like his Uncle did, who is now older, solo and miserable. When Floyd was in his mid-forties, he fell in love with a woman, but he didn't want to commit to anything that wasn't related to his career when it became serious. Now he would admit that she was the love of his life, but he wouldn't bend at the time. I don't want that for Egon, but it seems like he may repeat his Uncle's pattern. I'm not saying Janine is the love of his life because there's no way to know that. Still, she certainly acquired his attention," I responded, and we left the car silently.
Janine Melnitz
After my date with Tony that night, I drank my lavender tea in my favorite purple mug. I wrote in my Diary on my bed, listening to my Depeche Mode record, singing along loudly.
Dear Diary,
After almost three weeks of steering clear of all discussions, Egon and I had an interesting exchange as he admitted that he always "saw" and "heard" me. Furthermore, he called me gorgeous. I could barely contain my excitement when Egon revealed that bit of information, and I felt jubilant. Afterward, he gave me the sweetest smile, and I melted. I enjoyed the fact that I could speak to him privately for a little while even though he walked in when I was watching my soaps, and Laura and Michael were making love in the tub. Like that's realistic, but I'd still love to try it with my darling Egon.
The whole conversation began with his deduction that I had a date tonight. He admitted that I wore a revealing blouse and that my makeup differed. Egon didn't seem displeased when I flirted low key with him and even turned red in the face when I called him on it. He asked me about my date going to the Museum of Modern Art to Tony's Impressionism exhibit that ends today (and particularly who I was going with). He admitted that he and the other Ghostbusters did not like him because he was a "jerk." I'll admit that he seemed a little perturbed that I was going out with him, and that shocked me. (But of course, that makes me happy) He also commented that it was a shame that I had to compromise by going out with Tony to see this art exhibit. Well, Egon Spengler, how come you didn't ask me to go with you? I'd cancel him in a second if you did. Sigh.
By the way, Egon likes the Classical and Baroque periods of art.
Dr. Peter Venkman A day later.
Before Janine left for the day, I ran down the stairs to speak to her about Egon on her way to the subway.
"Ms. Melnitz, May I walk you to the subway station?" I politely requested.
"I have to catch the C train in twelve minutes, " She half-heartedly said, looking at her watch. As a result, I opened the door to the outside world and let Janine walk through it first. It was a pleasant night with many twinkling stars in the sky.
"Thank you," Janine replied cautiously. Silence ensued for a minute.
" Look, I don't know how to say this, so I am just going to do it. I know that you find a certain theoretical physicist attractive," I started, but she didn't say anything. Suspiciously, Janine glared at me.
Our secretary gave me a suspicious glance then stated, firmly, "Yes, I find Egon attractive and interesting. However, he hasn't given me any indication of the same feelings towards me."
"Brooklyn, Egon is interested in you. He is different, and obviously, you know that by now. Spengler is not going to do the same things that other men would do if they were attracted to you. Haven't you noticed Egon leaves things on your desk?"
"Yeah, but his office is right behind my desk, and Egon's too busy to leave things purposely in the wrong place," Janine argued, her blue eyes narrowing. At the same time, she analyzed my face to see if I was joking with her.
"Janine, I know you think I am playing around with you, but I promise I am not. Spengler's one of my closest friends, and I know he shows interest in you just by how he acts. Be patient, though, he's timid on top of having limited people skills."
"Dr. V, , I appreciate that you are trying to help, although I haven't asked for any. I have never hidden the fact that I find him interesting," Janine's nasally voice trailed off, then she waved her left hand dismissively.
"Janine, stop, please," I asked her. I halted my movements right in front of the subway station entrance until she stopped.
" The day of the interview when you challenged him with your BASIC knowledge grabbed his attention. Egon Spengler is a genius who doesn't have many friends and struggles with displaying his emotions in his interactions with people. It doesn't mean that he doesn't have feelings, though. Both Ray and I think you and he would get along swimmingly based on our observations of the two of you together and his actions regarding you when you aren't around. Just don't give up, OK?"
Our secretary attempted to disguise the blissfulness the news brought her as we started to walk side by side on the crowded streets. Janine's blue eyes seemed to sparkle with this information, although her facial expression indicated that she was still doubtful.
"I have to go, Peter," Janine informed, tapping her foot and she dug in her purse for ,she removed a subway ticket.
"Stantz and I have been working on getting Iggy to ask you out on a date for a while. When you walked into the lab that day in April, we teased him relentlessly about it, causing him to make those rude remarks. Haven't you noticed that he seems to speak to you more now that you aren't transparently flirting with him?" I wondered.
Speechless, Janine gave me another skeptical glare as she fingered her ticket in her hand for a second.
"I don't know," she finally answered and turned away from me to descend the stairs. I yelled goodbye as she made it to the bottom floor and waved at her, and I noticed that her face had lit up like a thousand candles on fire in a dark room. Janine's enthusiasm was unmistakable, but I hoped she would be patient with Spengs.
