Chapter 20
Waiting in the hospital in anticipation of the results of the MRI CD was one of the worst ways to spend time, a fresh personal hell of mine. It was constant torture having to stew in the dread of whether or not anything had changed after every appointment with someone almost as anxious as me, an appointment that only came once every two months instead of every month like it had been. I had drawn the short straw when it came to going to this month's appointment since Jo-Elle had done it last time and none of my mother's military moms friend group could, so I was the acting translator. Thankfully, due to the nature of the appointment and the specialist we were seeing in particular being especially well-renowned, we received forms that were mostly written in English for international patients and spoke mostly in English with him, so I was only there for extra support. Unfortunately, that did not help with my mother's dislike for his general appearance and speech.
"Ugh, I hate snakes..." my mother shuddered, hugging herself by the waist despite the Xanax she had taken earlier.
"Calm down, Indiana Jones. You know he can't help looking the way that he does," I said with a frown, bothered that she was so quick to judge. "Besides you only have to see him once every two months, and it's not like we know any other oncology specialists that also have a bachelors in toxicology."
"I told you to stop calling me that," she said with an edge to her voice.
"Hey, I'm just trying to lighten the mood," I shrugged defensively. I had tried a few more half-hearted attempts of trying to lighten the mood earlier, only to be rejected or misinterpreted, and had now gone silent, trying to distract myself in the meantime with my sketchpad during the long wait for results. A few reference sketches of my hero were being translated into Hareraiser's design, now given more dynamic poses to work with and fleshing him out more. I had sketched for hours the night before after discovering him and while there was some frustration in finding an adequate tool to use, still longing for my missing flower pen, the force of my drive to sketch my newest obsession out-weighted my minor annoyance. I was running on a giddy high that came from a combination of adoration and sleep deprivation, though the tension in the room and on my knuckle kept me from fully indulging in it. Left with nothing else and sympathetic to my mother's fears, I put down my sketchbook and began scratching her back gently with the tips of my nails. She leaned forward slightly in her chair, almost hypnotized by the magic touch like a cat arching its back.
"Left... go left.." she would order and I would comply, trying to keep it going as long as I could. "I can't believe I didn't have to tell you to scratch my back. Why don't you do things like this more often?"
"That's because I don't always have the energy to do it. Today is the exception," I explained. Ever since Jo-Elle had given me the Tik Tok link, I had been in a relatively good mood which gave me more energy and motivation to work. I was definitely paying for it now though, letting out a slight yawn as I finished with a cautious, "Don't expect this every time though. This is a one-time thing."
"But it helps with my arm." A flicker of guilt rose to the surface but I refused to let it consume me.
"There's no point to doing a nice thing for someone if you're expected to do it every time afterward. It loses the appeal and genuine honesty behind it."
"But isn't that what those heroes of yours that you draw so much are supposed to do? A lot of them don't get thanks for the work that they do but they do it anyways."
"Well with as jacked as some heroes are, they probably have tons of energy to spend on things like that."
"You could too if you worked out more," she said, her suggestion sounding more like a jab at the fact that I was wearing sweatpants and a Jedi Academy t-shirt that was a little too form fitting to a doctor's appointment.
"I workout," I visibly bristled, not liking the direction this conversation was turning. What the hell did doctors do during that block time that took them so long to show up? The appointment started twenty minutes ago. "I go to my lightsaber class almost three times a week."
"But you can always do more. You're actually supposed to exercise every day."
"I walk everywhere and sometimes take walks during the evening. I don't know how much more exercise you expect me to get with a fifty hour work week," I spoke hotly, already losing steam from this worn out conversation.
"I just think that you should-" The door handle jiggled and I leaned back with a sigh of relief once I saw Dr. Nagano step into the room. Saved by the bell.
"Good morning, Blake-ssssan," amiably hissed the oncologist as he entered the small examination room. I could feel my mother tense in her chair as he closed the door behind him and gave her shoulder a squeeze of reassurance, unaccustomed to seeing my mother in such a vulnerable state. She slowly shrugged it off as he sat adjacent from us and began examining at his chart.
"(Good newsss, ladiesss. There are no new changesss)." Both of us let out a breathe we hadn't realized we had been holding at the news, although I was the only one who fully relaxed as my mother still looked like she was sitting on a pile of thumbtacks. When was that damned pill going to take affect already?
"(No changes... does that mean the extra treatments aren't working?)" my mother asked, completely hiding the fact that she had been terrified of her oncologist only moments ago.
"(Your chart ssssay no new changesss)," Dr. Nagano repeated in broken English.
"She means about the other medication that she's taking, the experimental one?" I clarified in Japanese, unbothered by his serpentine appearance. If anything, I was too invested in his looks. Snakes and other reptiles had been a point of fascination during my life when I had gone through a dinosaur phase, and Jo-Elle often carved them onto her pottery due to them being unique and visually interesting subject matter (much to the dismay of our mother). Right now I was just trying to refrain from staring too long or start asking inappropriate questions like if he swallowed his food whole and not have to eat for two weeks or if he could spit venom like other cobras, since the pattern on his scaly hood indicated him to resemble an Indian Cobra.
"Judging from the levels of crotoxin and chlorotoxin her system, the Crotalin is reducing the remaining fingers left from the growth on her left frontal lobe. Normally I'd say just wait and see, but since you are one of my younger patients with a high life expectancy rate, I'll see about upping the dosage." I repeated this back to my mother in English and she nodded in understanding.
"(I've been meaning to ask)," my mother asked. "(I sometimes have moments where my whole right side goes numb and just feel tired afterwards. My old oncologist couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and why I was getting what he called phantom seizures, so I was wondering if you could explain this. Is it becoming worse because of the Crotalin)?"
"(I am not entirely sssure). It would require further ssstudy, but I'd say that if you were experiencing these sssymptoms prior to the Crotalin trials, it's not likely the cause. It could be due to your particular kind of cancer or medication."
"(Is there any way we can reduce the amount of Keppra dosage since there hasn't been any new cell growth?)"
"(Possibly. What amount are you currently taking)?"
"Right now, she taking about 1800 milligrams twice a day," I explained, having handled her medication and refills for almost a year when Jo-Elle was finishing her last semester of college.
"Oh ccccertainly, we can lesssen the dosssage." I gave him a pleased smile. Anxiety was a side-effect of prolonged use of Keppra, so the less my mother stressed herself out, the better... for everyone involved. Dr. Nagano jotted a few notes down onto his clipboard before asking, "(Do you have thesssse)- what's the word -(...ghost sssseizures a lot?)"
"Not for awhile," I interrupted. "Only when she doesn't sleep well the night before and becomes stressed out when she hasn't eaten-" My mother shot me a subtle warning look with unsmiling eyes that said, 'I got this, Alyssa. Stop leaving me out of the conversation and just translate what I say.'
"(What she means is that I haven't experienced the seizures in awhile but they do happen, sometimes when I get a headache)," was her reply. It was amazing how well my mother could mask her feelings of discomfort and channel it into something else, something I had yet to master. Looking at her, you would never know her to be afraid of snakes or for her to be irritated with me.
"(I ssssee. Well, continue to monitor them)," Nagano said, his forked tongue flicking out occasionally as he switched back and forth from Japanese and English. "If anything changesss, we'll sssee if ssswitching your medication will lesssen your ssseizures. It is posssible that it could be pssychossomatic, sso even if the tumor is no longer there, it producess ssymptoms that resssult in mini-strokesss due to the leftover scar tisssue. It is also entirely posssible that due to the anxiety ssside effectss, your high blood presssure makesss you more prone to hemorrhagic ssseizures. (What do you do to relax?)"
I almost snorted. Even before the anti-seizure meds, my mother didn't have a chill bone in her body. I didn't tell him this though and thanked my lucky stars that I had enough restraint to keep it that way. Mother was already on edge and groggy, having gotten about as much sleep as I had last night, her speech and mannerisms becoming slower the more she talked.
"(Mostly I clean or decorate... watch television. Right now I'm working at the community garden, though I'm trying to be proactive and not to overwork myself, watching how much I lift, etc. My daughters have been massaging my arm most evenings, which has helped with regaining some of the feeling back in my arm. Do you think... regularly massages might help?)"
"Oh ccccertainly. Do whatever it issss that makessss you feel comfortable, and if you feel that masssages help your arm, I'd encourage you to do it." I could practically see the triumphant smirk in my mother's eyes as she leaned over with glee.
"(See? Now you have no excuse not to use your old sensory brush.)" she said through her teeth in a low tone. I rolled my eyes skyward as Dr. Nagano continued explaining the new ways we could move forward and continued to answer and translate any questions my mother had for him. By the time we were signing the forms, she was fully drugged and sluggish while I was dialed for a cab home. After I had her sit down on one of the waiting area couches and finished my phone call, she whispered, "Wait... wait... could you go and pick up some Mos for me?"
I tried to bite back the retort of 'why didn't you ask me before I called for a cab' but held it back, trying to be understanding that she wasn't in her right mind and probably didn't see me dial for one. "Sure. You want the usual order?"
"Mmhmm... also use my coupons. They're in my purse. I want the two for one deal of beef teriyaki burgers. That way... you can have a burger."
"Okay, hang tight. I'll be right down the street if you need me." I took her white pouch and did a brisk pace with my lightsaber case banging slightly against my back as I walked, trying to take the time crunch in stride. Due to how fast food chains worked, it wasn't hard to find some sort of vendor a block away and thankfully Mos was just a few paces away from the hospital. I took a deep sigh of relief and was immediately hit by the smell of fryers and spearmint.
The reputation that Mos Burger workers had for being fast and efficient was legendary, but there was still a bit of a line since I was now dealing with the dinner rush. While I waited in line for my chance to order, I began replaying some of the hero Tik Toks I had seen on loop. Some of them were set to Japanese music I had never heard before, but others were from openings from shounen action anime. My favorite video had to be the first OP from Attack on Titan, one of the few things I had retained from one of my sister's favorite anime series, that had my hero sprinting in between two villains with gigantification Quirks before taking them out with a fast barrage of kicks and restraining them with some sort of dark lariats from his hands, the Go-Pro camera views capturing it almost like it had come out of an action film. By the time I was almost at the front of the line was when I realized I had forgotten to look for my mother's coupon. Panicked, I began leafing through tons of coupons of all sizes stuffed into her bag, some of which were leftover from when we had lived in the states. Why hadn't she thrown these out? Did she really expect a United States KFC coupon to be valid in Japan?
"(Hello. You here to eat burger?)" I froze, looking up at the young lady who tried utilizing the few words of high school English that she knew in an effort to be polite.
"Yes. Sorry about all of this. I'm trying to find my coupon."
"Whoa. Your Japanese is really good," the girl exclaimed with a bright smile.
"Thank you. I uh... just give me a second..."
"Certainly. Take your time."
"Thanks," I smiled amiably. My fingers were now fumbling as I began speed reading the dozen slips of paper, none of which were for Mos. This place was known for its quick and friendly service, but that didn't mean the people behind me wouldn't become peeved at my slow progress, and I couldn't afford to step out of line. The cab was going to be here in ten minutes and Mom still needed to eat since the cabs here didn't allow food inside their cars, and there was no way in hell I was going to call them back to deal with the hassle of rescheduling.
My head still buzzing from the earlier conversation with my mother, I looked at the size of the juicy burgers oozing with grease and stuffed to the brim with lettuce and other condiments on the menu. It made my stomach turn and mouth water. After sifting through the pouch for the third time and noticing that the line was starting to get longer, I sighed and began switching gears.
"Nevermind. Must have spent it already. Anyways, I'll take a teriyaki burger meal and a bottled water to drink, please," I ordered, content to settle with just paying for my mother's meal and nothing more. I needed to curb my need for fast food anyways, and she deserved a treat. By the time I had placed my yen on the counter, my meal was ready.
Rather than eat inside Mos Burger like most people, I took the wrapped sandwich in hand to-go. An ambulance was rushing past with its gummy-sounding sirens, causing my hands to go up towards my head. My ears felt strangely naked without my headphones. The emergency vehicle went down a back alley where they kept the ER separate from the main entrance, though I caught a glimpse of a person being wheeled out on a gurney with their arms and legs bound tightly by the straps, the strange jumpsuit attire making it an obvious identifier as them being a pro-hero. Maybe I could use that in my comic. Someone that went rabid or something involving a villain with a disease causing Quirk?
Lost in thought, I wondered if Izuku was okay since he had been in the hospital last time I had talked with him and almost walked past where my mother was slumped over on the side of the couch in the waiting room. "Hey, I'm back." I nudged her awake with the palm of my hand. She slowly moved her head but didn't show any signs of waking up. "I brought food."
"...Where's my Mos?" she mumbled and sucked in a long breath, sitting up with more clarity and interest once she blearily saw that I had come back with food.
"Right here, Momma," I sat the paper sack on the coffee table in front of her before taking a swig from my thermos. Originally, I had brought it for my class, but I figured I had to do something to curb my hunger. "Although I should warn you, I couldn't find the coupons, so it's just one burger for you."
"Nooo... I wanted you to use the coupons," she whined, sounding far more upset about the lack of coupons than the fact that she sleeping at an uncomfortable angle on the couch in public.
"It's fine, Mom. I didn't mind paying and I wasn't that hungry anyways."
"No, you were supposed to use the coupons. They were expiring. That's the whole reason why I sent you to get the food-!" she cut herself off, doing a complete one eighty from the tired, reserved mother from before as she snapped, "why do you always have to fight me on everything?"
"Whoa, hey, Mom, it's fine! I told you, I don't mind paying for you."
"You were not supposed to pay for me! You were supposed to use the coupons. That was just wasteful. Now those coupons are going to expire."
"I told you, it's fine. It's not like I can't afford it. I have comic book money from my-"
"Yeah, your comic. You spend so much time working on a comic that you can't even live off of and refuse to turn into an actual book!"
I tried telling myself that it was just the anxiety talking, but it didn't erase the fact that she basically snapped at me for no reason other than I couldn't find the coupons. I didn't like dealing with angry people and she was becoming more and more aggravated the longer I tried to talk her down.
"Mom, you're spiraling. Calm down."
"Don't you dare tell me to calm down," she uttered with ice in her voice and fire in her eyes. "I am the mother, you are the child! You don't get to tell me what to do!"
"Well I'm not the one who's acting like one by freaking out all because I couldn't find the damned coupons!" I blurted out, instantly regretting it once I saw the cold fury in her eyes.
"One more word. Say one more word, and I will spank your mouth, understand?" I bit the inside of my lip, stewing in the quiet anger and words left unsaid that boiled like acid in my stomach but remaining silent all the same. Even though we were almost even in height and she was never someone who resulted to violence, I was positive could take her, having more body weight and strength than she did, but damn she was scary when she was mad. Her voice alone could put the fear of God into anyone.
"See? They were right here in the pouch." She showed me a slip of paper that said Mos two-for-one teriyaki burgers, making me feel like the biggest moron on the planet.
"Well I'm sorry, I didn't see it."
"You need to pay more attention to things."
"You make it sound so easy, like I can just flip a switch and become more aware of my surroundings."
"It's called being an adult. Normal people do this kind of stuff every day!"
"Well, I think we've already established that I'm not normal!"
"That is no excuse! You need to grow up and start acting like it! You are twenty six years old and you can't even take care of yourself, wasting time your time playing with your toys and writing that crap instead of cleaning your room or spending time with your family. You spend all of this time cooped up in your room, drawing a bunch of cartoon pokemon things rather than use all of talent and make something that will sell."
"I can't just make a book! I don't have the skill-set. My level of experience is not high enough, and I just do this for fun, not for viewcount."
"Why do you have to always fight me on this? You are so stubborn to do things your own way, just like your father. Always so quick to do things yourself and spend your time on meaningless crap and dead-end jobs rather than using the gifts you're given to make an actual career for yourself." I scowled at the comment, visibly bristling as I clenched my teeth and fists.
"Mom, I can't keep having this same argument with you. I can't- I can't-" I started to stammer, feeling my emotions coming to a boil. "I can't talk with you about this right now! I'm going to be late for lightsaber class- you know, one of the few times I workout during the week." I spat angrily at her before stalking towards the exit.
"Don't you walk away from me, young lady!" I heard her threaten behind me. I stopped but didn't turn my back as I told her her cab was here and that she better hide her food in her purse before. I could feel the daggers she was glaring into my back, but I found that right now I couldn't care about that, instead focusing on calming myself down and telling myself not to get so upset over something so trivial. This tense silence lasted for what felt like an eternity before I decided to resume my walk towards the exit. This time, she didn't stop me. Once I saw her cab leave, the mist in the corners of my eyes cleared and felt some of the tightness in my chest leave with it.
Author's Note: References today are to Attack on Titan, Rikki Tikki Tavi, and Star Wars. I actually had a ton of fun with the medical knowledge and research for this chapter. Fun fact: crotoxin and chlorotoxin are venoms found in the South American Rattlesnake and Deathstalker Scorpion respectively that are being studied to cure cancer (crotoxin known to cause cancer cells to commit suicide and chlorotoxin being used specifically to treat brain cancer). Crotalin is a protein found in rattlesnake venom and pit vipers, the name coming from the rattlesnake genus Crotalinae.
Name: Dr. Najah Nagano
Hero Name: Naga
Quirk: Cobra
His Quirk gives him all the abilities of a cobra, including temperature detection, and venom.
Fun Fact: His name is a reference to nagas from mythology and the scientific family name for true cobras.
