Yes I am still around and still writing. It's not a very long chapter but better than nothing I guess.
"We all know him to be a proud, unpleasant sort of man; but this would be nothing if you really liked him." Jane Austen.
Do Not Go Gentle
So, he had made a horcrux. The very idea seemed incomprehensible to Hermione. That someone could take their soul apart after committing murder was beyond the pale for even most of what she had seen so far but it fit Voldemort's personality, his desire for everlasting life and his ability to come back from what should have been certain death. There was just one thing that was confusing her. As the summer came to an end and she made her way back to King's Cross Station, she found herself going through it over and over again, her doubts magnified by her inability to have anyone to talk to about the issue. Did he still have a horcrux around?
The diary had to have been one. Of that Hermione would consider a sure bet. Perhaps the diary being around was what kept him from dying when his curse rebounded on Harry? Yet would he really just stick something containing his only ticket to immortality carelessly with one of his followers? How did the locket and cup he had stolen factor into things? Wouldn't an object belonging to Slytherin such as the locket make a much better horcrux?
At this point in time the diary was still around but whether Lucius Malfoy had it already she did not know. What she did know was that she still wished to speak to Professor Dumbledore about this, if he would consent to hear about something he might consider "meddling in time."
It was with her mind awhirl that she greeted Pandora, Aurora and Emmeline before the witches headed to find a compartment. Emmeline put her things with them before setting off to find the prefects carriage. Hermione had to admit to herself that she did not miss the late-night strolls on duty. What did shock her was the fact that when Emmeline came back an hour later it was to inform them that James Potter, despite not having been a prefect the previous two years, had been made Headboy along with Lily Evans as Headgirl.
"Well, he has gotten a bit more responsible since the Hogsmeade attack last year," Pandora reasoned. She leaned back in her seat, her long blonde hair brushing against Hermione's leg. "When I saw him at the platform, he and Lily Evans looked pretty cozy already. They had their heads together and everything."
"I heard that her mother died this summer," Aurora said in a low voice. "I think he was trying to comfort her." She sighed. "Remus Lupin would have made a good Headboy." Pandora smirked. "Well, he would have!" Aurora insisted.
"I spend the whole summer trying to get you to go out and have a good time just so you can come back here and pine over him," Pandora shook her head. Then glancing briefly at Hermione, she added, "…but seeing as he is free this year maybe a little matchmaking is in order."
Aurora blushed. "Absolutely not. He will think I am desperate."
Hermione tuned them out. The sky was growing darker as she stepped out of the compartment a short while later. She thought she might see if she could find Lily Evans, though what she would say to the red-haired witch by way of condolence she did not know. It was when she was halfway down the train that she spotted him. Regulus Black, his face as haughty and cold as ever, was stepping out of a compartment a few feet ahead of her. He was already in his school robes, his silver prefect's badge carefully in place. His grey eyes met her brown ones and after a moment he turned on his heel and went back into his compartment, the door sliding shut behind him.
Hermione rolled her eyes. If that was how he was going to be then she would not even dignify a response. She had more important things to worry about than the haughty Slytherin boy.
As it turned out that was exactly how he seemed to want to handle it. After their brief interaction in Diagon Alley over the summer he had apparently decided that it was best to pretend Hermione did not exist. There were no more snide remarks in the halls or the library. He kept himself aloof, as though she were not around. Which suited her just fine. Hermione hardly needed to keep letting him distract her. She had plenty of schoolwork to keep herself busy as well as reading up on Voldemort and trying to learn more about his horcrux. The subject found her making her way to Dumbledore's office a few weeks into the year.
The Headmaster was as gracious as ever in greeting her. He offered her a seat with a smile followed by an offer of a sweet which was politely refused. From his perch beside his desk, Fawkes was sleeping with one bright wing tucked underneath him. It took Hermione a moment as she sat there to figure out how to begin.
"Professor," she finally started. "I was wondering if you knew much about Voldemort's actions between his leaving the school and then showing back up a few years ago to start a war?"
"What is it you wish to know about his time?" Dumbledore asked her. "His lost years as they have been called are hardly known very well even by myself."
"So, you know nothing about what he was up to?" She found that hard to believe.
"I can speculate on things, some of which are likely fairly accurate. I know that he disappeared in his early twenties from a job he worked in dealing with magical artifacts," Dumbledore told her. "He traveled widely after this time though he did make a point of approaching me in the 1950s shortly after I was appointed Headmaster to ask for a job."
"He asked you for a job?" Hermione could hardly believe her ears. "He wanted to teach at the school?"
"Oh yes," Dumbledore nodded his head. "The Defense Against the Dark Arts position had recently been vacated and he asked for it. It was refused him. I have not been able to keep the position filled since that tine."
"You believe he jinxed the job?"
"It would appear a bit of schoolboy pettiness had perhaps not left Tom at this time," Dumbledore looked almost amused at the thought. "It has been an inconvenience to tell the truth." There was definitely amusement, though why he seemed to find this funny Hermione couldn't tell.
"So, you don't know very much about his actions, his methods for immortality?" She thought that Dumbledore looked almost surprised at the way the conversation was turning. "Headmaster I believe I have some information that might help you."
"Indeed," if he had been surprised before, his face seemed pleasantly incurious at the moment. "I do not doubt that having knowledge of the future might very well be to your credit, particularly as you are a highly intelligent and observant young woman." Hermione could not help smiling at the compliment. "It might help if we kept the future out of the past as much as possible. It is never good to meddle with time too much." Seeing Hermione looked about to protest Dumbledore held up one hand for silence. "Miss Perkins, I think you should know that I too have discussed with myself the possibility of this meddling with time. I cannot guarantee you a safe passage home though I can suggest that what you have brought with you should be kept to yourself as much as can be."
She felt crestfallen at being told this. There had to be a way to make this trip worth it. The next words hit her like a ton of bricks: "I think you should know that there is a strong chance you may remain here. Though I have looked into things, I can only find a possible way to send you further back in time rather than into an uncertain future."
Trying to keep her voice as even as she possibly could she spoke up: "So that is it then? I am stuck here for good?"
"I cannot say that for certain," Dumbledore shook his head. "No one fully knows the future and time is an imprecise and dangerous form of magic. I do believe that you are best knowing the strong possibility exists. You must try to make the best of things as they stand. What you say of the future might meddle more with changing the future and your chances of getting home."
That was it then. She was likely stuck twenty years in the past and permanently separated from all the people she loved. Yet even as she said this the friends that she had made over the past year filled her mind. She had been building a life for herself here, slowly but surely building roots in a past that now had her woven into its fabric.
"Thank you, Professor." She could think of nothing else to say. Hermione just suddenly wished to get back to her dorm as soon as she possibly could so she could be alone. She had so much to think of, so many conflicting emotions in her mind. The Headmaster looked almost sorrowful as he saw her out. Heading back to Ravenclaw tower, she was lucky to arrive in time as a couple of second years that she recognized as Justin and Samantha were working out the password. The squabbling pair gave her a distraction from trying to figure it out herself. Following them inside after the entranceway had opened, she ignored her friends sitting by the fire and made her way upstairs where she threw herself onto her bed.
Tears came to her then, hot and fast they trickled down her face and into her pillow. So, this was it then. She had to make do in the past. Well, if she had to do so then nothing would stop her from learning about Voldemort's methods of immortality. It was just a matter of what to do with the information. Perhaps she would join the Order of the Phoenix when she graduated, if Dumbledore would accept her?
…
She dreamed of Harry and Ron that night. The three of them were sitting by the lake laughing, their books discarded by them as they took in the warm weather before summer faded completely into fall. The leaves on the trees were just starting to turn from a deep green to shades of red, yellow, orange and gold. It was beautiful to see and yet as she turned to see Ron's freckled face laughing, she felt her own smile falter.
"I will come back to you both one day," she told him. "I have to. It is where I belong."
"Do you?" Harry's green eyes looked solemnly back at her though he was still smiling. "Do you think we are still there waiting for you?"
"I know it!"
"We are gone Hermione," Ron laughed then. "We couldn't wait. Time doesn't stand still." He glanced at the castle. "It is getting nearer. The war isn't waiting. I wonder how the Chudley Cannons will do this year?" he looked wistful for a moment.
"Bottom of the league," Harry replied to which Ron hit him with Hermione's copy of Hogwarts a History. "You could kill someone with that thing!"
"Stop having a go at the Cannons then!" Ron yelled at him.
"They should stop doing so bad then!"
Hermione felt dazed. "What do you mean by telling me you couldn't wait?" The boys ignored her, they had moved on to discussing the Quidditch world cup they had attended a few years ago. "Ronald Weasley!"
"Victor Krum did fine but the rest of the team was terrible compared to Ireland!" Harry said.
"What you think is so great about bloody Krum I don't know," Ron had turned back to her. "He didn't just want to be your pen pal you know. I know. A lot of guys liked you."
"That isn't true!" Hermione felt more confused then ever. Why were they discussing Victor now?"
"Neville liked you," Ron told her. "Krum did. You could have had Professor Lupin now that you are both teenagers and he would be better than a Death Eater wannabe." He added this last part somewhat darkly.
"What are you talking about? Ron!" But he just stared at her, his face becoming blurry around the edges. "Ron! What's happening?"
Harry had vanished also and the only thing coming into focus was a darkened dorm room from where she could hear her dormmates sleeping.
Hermione could not help but feel incredibly down over the next few weeks. As September changed into October and the weather began to change, she threw herself into her studies, only sparing the smallest amount of time to necessities such as sleeping and eating. Her loneliness could not be fully sated this way, but she knew of no other way to deal with the feelings that were threatening to take over.
Remus and her were more acquaintances than anything else these days, their interactions in between classes strangely formal in their politeness. Pettigrew seemed almost smug at the sight but on several occasions, she got the impression that Lily Evans and James Potter were trying to find a way to fix things. Lily had invited her to eat with them at the Gryffindor table more than once which Hermione always politely refused and she had made sure to announce to any who could hear that she would be spending her time inside studying instead of attending the Gryffindor/Slytherin game coming up.
It was for the benefit of not getting more frustrated that she stayed in the library the morning of the game. It was wet and gloomy out and yet almost the entire school trouped out diligently to watch the game. Hermione settled in early with her books, the school's irritable librarian the room's only other occupant.
There was likely nothing new for her to learn here on Voldemort, and surely nothing to learn about Horcruxes in the contents of even the Forbidden Section with Dumbledore as Headmaster, so Hermione concentrated on her transfiguration homework instead. She remained the morning in the room, so absorbed in her books that she didn't hear the library door open and close two hours later and a small group of students enter. Rain had started falling and they began pulling off their cloaks, chattering softly as they settled at a table beside her.
"He usually flies well; I don't get it."
"I tell you; he was rammed into…"
"Yes, I heard you already, but by another Slytherin? Get serious. He got screwed up is all."
"Black is a good flier, about Slytherin's only good player. He wouldn't fall off his broom."
Hermione's head jerked up. The speaker, a small Hufflepuff third year with mousy brown hair continued speaking. "Total sabotage, but why against a member of their team I don't get. Avery must have had a real issue with Black."
"Excuse me," All three turned to look at her. "Did you say Regulus Black had fallen off his broom?"
The mousy haired boy nodded. "Was slammed into by Avery of Slytherin. Completely on purpose."
His friends both shook their heads. "That makes no sense," a blond boy told him. "His own teammate isn't going to try to put him in the infirmary."
"He is in the infirmary?" Hermione was shocked. "Is he hurt badly?"
"I haven't a clue," the blond told her.
"Who cares?" the third boy grumbled, "he is just a nasty Slytherin."
Hermione's mind was awhirl with this info. Regulus Black had been attacked at a Quidditch game by one of his own classmates and was now in the infirmary? Since when did he get along badly with Avery? She headed back to her table and gathered her books in silence. She had to find someone she could talk to and she knew a good person.
It was still rainy when she and Lily Evans strolled the grounds later that evening. The sun had mostly set, leaving the air even more chilly. Both witches were huddled in cloaks as they walked.
"I really haven't a clue." Lily Evans shook her head. "Avery seemed to crash right into him but then who knows? The Slytherin's wouldn't want to hurt their own seeker."
"And he just fell?"
"Well," Lily seemed to hesitate. "He kind of hovered in the air for a minute and then slid off of his broom and plummeted. He initially seemed to still be on his broom and then fell. So there was plenty of time for him to right himself. They say his face got weird though, one of the Gryffindor beater's, Bradley was near, and he said Black had a look of shock on his face before he fell."
Hermione felt more confused than ever. "Do you think he hexed him or something after crashing into him?"
"I don't know," Lily shrugged. "If he did Madame Pomfrey would have noticed it. I think they just figured he lost his balance after the crash and fell. The look of shock could have been caused by it being Avery that hit him."
Hermione could picture his shocked face as he fell. He would never expect another Slytherin to attack him, even without the possibility of being hexed. But what had he done to Avery to make him hostile? They were both future dark wizards in training. They went around with fairly similar crowds.
"Is he badly hurt?" she asked.
"I don't think so."
"Was Avery punished for it?
"I don't know," Lily hesitated for a second. "Listen Rose, about Black, do you think that it might have had something to do with you?"
Hermione froze. "What do you mean?"
"Well, he did seem to pay a lot of attention to you last year. A lot of people noticed it and I know that some thought…" there was an even longer pause this time. "That maybe you and Regulus Black were…well you did end things with Remus pretty much out of nowhere." Lily looked almost embarrassed as she said this.
Hermione felt her insides turn to ice. "Lily I haven't…." she froze as she thought of his kiss from the end of the last school year. She could still remember the feel of his arms on her and the press of his lips against hers. "I haven't done anything with him," she finished. "We aren't even friends, he in fact can't stand me."
But was that in fact true? She remembered their barely civil conversations the previous year about books and inventions. He had always seemed so irritated with her. He had read them though, he had discussed them with her…and when they were parting at the end of the year, he had still kissed her.
"Rose?" Lily smiled at her. "I am sorry if I am making you uncomfortable. I know you have every reason to not want to talk to me about this."
"It's not that," Hermione replied. "I just don't know anymore."
"If you need someone to talk to about boys, I am always here," Lily told her. "I know a thing or two about difficult ones myself. But remember, there is no pressure to talk."
Hermione smiled back, relieved to find an out on the subject. "How are you and James doing anyway?
"We have our little fights sometimes," Lily told her, "But he has grown a lot the past few months, and so have I." Her green eyes, so like Harry's in color and intensity, fixed on Hermione's with an almost mischievous look. "Sometimes the right girl comes along and is just what a guy needs to grow."
Hermione stared out at the lake. She could just make out the shape of Hagrid in the dusk heading towards his cabin. This was not a conversation she wanted to have, even if Lily was a good choice for it. She had always had trouble talking about things like this, she remembered conversations where Ginny had come to talk to her about boys. All those conversations about Michael Corner and Dean Thomas that had always led back to Harry.
"Maybe," she hesitated for a moment. "I just need some me time to not worry about boys."
Lily laughed. "That's very fair."
Regulus Black, as it turned out, was apparently hex free and out and about looking haughtier than ever the next day. Hermione did not have any run ins with him, but she couldn't help but feel a difference in the air. He was studiously pretending not to notice her between classes and at mealtimes and she no longer saw him in the library. On top of that, she was the recipient of some very odd looks from her classmates and some very nasty ones from the Slytherins in particular and even a few from the Gryffindors. Sirius Black seemed as determined as his brother to ignore her but Remus seemed more uncomfortable around her than ever.
She did not have long to wonder why. Pandora pulled her aside one day after class and told her that someone had apparently spread a rumor that she had left Remus Lupin for Regulus Black. Remembering Lily's words at the lake, Hermione groaned.
"Well, it isn't true so they can stop saying it." She told her.
"I have been saying this all along," Pandora said. "Aurora and Emmeline don't believe it either," she said. "But a lot of Gryffindors believe it so I thought I'd tell you so you were forewarned."
"Who started this?" Hermione asked irritably.
"I don't fully know," Pandora replied. "The first I heard of it was from Mary Macdonald."
"Well, who did she hear it from?"
"Not sure." Hermione could see a group of Slytherin's standing near the Charms classroom. At sight of her their expressions turned disdainful. Hermione and Pandora passed them by, Hermione's mind still awhirl with what she had been told.
"It isn't true though," Hermione told Pandora. "You know that right?"
"Of course. "She didn't know whether it was her imagination or not but Hermione thought that she hesitated a little before answering.
"Well make sure you tell everyone who asks you that." All because she had invested a little time in trying to break through the boy's prejudices. Regulus Black turned out to be a bigger headache than he was worth.
