Chapter 18: Only Love Can Hurt Like This

Summary: In Seattle we see Erica in Post-Op, Lexie reminds Derek about a very special day-Olivia's birthday, we get a flashback, and back in LA Addison asks Jake for help which momentarily shocks him as he takes it the wrong way.

The next two days passed in a blur. The Los Angeles crew didn't see much of Olivia except in passing at the hospital.

Erica's surgery had surprisingly gone off without a hitch, even if Amelia had a moment of self-doubt while practicing.

"So, Erica's good?" Charlotte asked, making sure she was hearing correctly.

"Well, the surgery was a success, and it buys her more time, but I wouldn't say she's good," Derek said.

Charlotte nodded in understanding.

"Can Mason see her?" Cooper asked.

"He can't go in the ICU unit, but he can see her from the outside," Derek said.

"In the morning," He added, seeing Mason sound asleep on the hospital chairs.

"You can see her now if you want, but I'd suggest taking him back to the hotel to get some sleep on something other than a chair," Derek suggested.

"Can we just take a look?" Cooper asked, wanting to make sure with his own eyes.

"Derek will take you guys. I'll stay with Mason," Amelia nodded, gesturing to her brother and moving to sit down with the boy.

Derek led them up to the ICU, pointing out Erica's room.

"She isn't awake yet, so I wouldn't suggest staying for too long. We'll try to wake her in the morning," Derek explained.

Cooper and Charlotte nodded before they walked over to take a peek inside her room. They could see from the monitors that she was stable and she could see the bandage on her head as she slept in the hospital bed. They both stared in, watching her body rise and fall softly.

They both eyed her stats, wanting to make sure everything looked good with their own eyes, even though they trusted Amelia and her brother.

"Are we good?" Derek asked. He knew they'd want to see it with their own eyes. They were, after all, doctors like him.

"Looks like it," Charlotte confirmed.

"Dr. Grey here will be monitoring Erica overnight, and she'll let me know if anything changes," Derek added.

"There's another Dr. Grey around here, isn't there?" Cooper asks, having heard the P.A. system call for Dr. Grey repeatedly while also seeing Lexie making no attempts to move.

Lexie nodded.

"My sister, Meredith. You probably heard Olivia tell a million stories about her," Lexie replied.

"That's your wife?" Charlotte turned to Derek, seeking confirmation.

"Yes, Lexie's my sister-in-law. Meredith's a general surgeon, and Lexie's still a resident," Derek explained.

"Writing a bunch of nauseating things on a post-it note doesn't make you married," Amelia smirked as she walked up beside them. When everyone turned, they saw Mason next to her.

"I thought he was sleeping," Derek said, almost accusatory.

"He woke up and asked about his mom. What did you want me to do? Force him to go back to sleep on the chair?" Amelia asked sarcastically.

"What does she mean by that?" Cooper asked curiously.

"He and his wife wrote a bunch of vows on a post-it note and hung it in a locker," Charlotte said.

"How do you know that?" Cooper asked, looking over at her.

"The girl was my maid of honor. You think she didn't tell me?" Charlotte asked, referring to Amelia.

"We were supposed to get married at city hall, but things just kept coming up," Derek said defensively.

"Which is why you're not really married," Amelia said, smiling mischievously.

"We're married," Derek insisted.

"Do you have a marriage license?" Amelia asked. Derek stayed silent.

"Sorry, man. I get it; I do. I'm sure it's very romantic, but you still need a marriage license to actually be married," Cooper said, agreeing with Amelia as he patted Derek on the shoulder.

"Hey, I mean, we almost didn't get married because our families are…crazy, but we did," Cooper added.

"Yeah. In Vegas," Amelia chuckled.

"At least we got a marriage license," Charlotte pointed out. Amelia nodded; she had a point there.

"Can I see my mom now?" Mason asked, growing impatient.

"Come on, I'll take you," Charlotte offered, guiding him over to his mom's room window.

"Is she okay?" Mason asked, looking up at Charlotte.

"Yes, she's okay," Charlotte confirmed.

"And you're telling me the truth?" Mason asked.

"I am tellin' you the truth," Charlotte confirmed, nodding.

"What do all those numbers mean?" Mason asked, looking at the machines.

"They're telling us how well she's doing. Like her oxygen levels and brain activity," Charlotte said, trying to give him as honest and as basic of an explanation as she could.

"And it says she's okay?" Mason asked, needing another confirmation.

"Yes," Charlotte insisted. Mason nodded, satisfied with her answer.

After a few minutes, Derek convinced them to go get some rest. It was late, and Mason needed to get some sleep in a bed rather than in a chair in the hospital waiting room.

Amelia tried to protest when Derek insisted on them taking her with them. He could see his sister was tired, even if she wouldn't say so. But with Charlotte knowing her secret, she pulled her away and told Derek she'd make sure Amelia got some rest. Amelia tried to put up a fight but went silent after getting a look from Charlotte.

"Wanna go to a meeting?" Charlotte asked the younger woman while the two boys were ahead. She figured with how much time Amelia spent in Seattle, she knew at least one place to catch a meeting.

"I'm okay. Really. I just want to sleep, to be honest. I was gonna go cover a surgery and let another neuro attending take the night off, but I don't think I can keep that up," Amelia admitted.

"That's because you're growin' a human. You've taken biology. You know how this works," Charlotte reminded her.

"Yeah, I know. I've done an OB rotation and I live with one. Sometimes two. I can't get away with anything," Amelia commented.

"Come on, let's get back to the hotel. It's late. Nothing more we can do now," Charlotte added.


The next few days flew by as Erica recovered in the hospital. Everything was going well, and they suggested they could release Erica in the next week or so.

Derek had just released everyone from Erica's progress meeting when Lexie halted in her steps.

"Derek?" Lexie asked slowly, looking directly behind him where Olivia was coloring in the back, none the wiser of the conversation.

"Yeah?" Derek asked absentmindedly, gathering up his stuff so he could pack Olivia up and take her on his rounds with him.

"Isn't Saturday Olivia's birthday?" Lexie asked.

"I'm gonna be seven!" Olivia declared, showing that she was paying attention to the adults.

Lexie laughed. She should've known better; Olivia heard everything.

"Daddy, can we have a tea party? Here at your house? Uncle Richard can come too! He can have a tiara!" Olivia giggled, thinking of Uncle Richard wearing a crown.

"I don't know, Livvy. I think Mommy might want you home for your birthday," Derek said hesitantly as he thought out loud while still keeping his tone light. Olivia pouted.

"But I want a birthday party here. At your house, Daddy, with all my Seattle friends," Olivia said.

"I have to talk to Mommy. I can't promise you anything, Liv," Derek said. He knew there was a high chance Addison had something planned already. Even though he had Olivia this year for her actual birthday.

Derek's words didn't bother Olivia. Somehow, she knew she'd get to have a party in Seattle.

Derek gathered up all of her stuff, took her hand, and led her off. On his way out, he thanked Lexie for the reminder, silently kicking himself for not remembering. Addison would kill him if she knew.


With Olivia sleeping soundly on the couch in his office, Derek made a phone call.

"Derek? Is something wrong?" Addison answered on the other side of the line, immediately knowing Derek didn't usually call at this time of day.

"What? No, why would you think that?" Derek replied, confused.

"Because it's nap time," Addison reminded him.

"That's exactly why I called you. Do you have any plans for Olivia's birthday?" Derek asked.

"Well, I was planning something for next weekend," Addison started.

"Why?" She asked, suspicious.

"Liv wants to have a tea party here," Derek said honestly.

"A tea party," Addison repeated to him.

"Yeah. She overheard Lexie and I talking and she asked if we could have a party here," Derek added.

"Well, what did you already have planned?" Addison asked. Derek practically froze. He should've known Addison would figure it out.

"You didn't have anything planned, did you?" Addison asked, sounding more like a statement than a question. His silence said it all.

"No. I…it just slipped my mind," Derek admitted.

He could tell her he'd been busy, that his mind was preoccupied with Meredith, her friends, and Erica's surgery, but it wouldn't matter. There was no excuse for forgetting his little girl's birthday, and he knew Addison wouldn't accept it, anyway.

"Guess I should've reminded you," Addison joked, smirking.

"I'm sorry. I know, I should've remembered," Derek said, chuckling. He felt bad for forgetting, he did. But, truth be told, he was also just glad Addison wasn't chewing him out for it.

"So, um, how do you feel about the party? Would it be too much to let her have a party here on Saturday?" Derek asked.

"You sure you can pull that off?" Addison joked.

"Haha. Very funny," Derek said sarcastically.

"I'll be just fine, thank you very much," Derek added.

"Go ahead and have your party," Addison chuckled.

"I meant what I said; I will never keep you from Liv. And it'll be her birthday, so if it means having two parties this year, so be it," Addison added.


Flashback

"This isn't working, is it?" Derek sighed.

"No, it's not," Addison agreed sadly.

"I know it doesn't make it better, but I didn't kiss her. I didn't. But…I wanted to," Derek admitted.

He and Meredith were talking in the elevator. They were talking, and the truth was, he didn't even remember what they were talking about. But the next thing he remembered was her eyes fluttering as they both leaned in. Their noses brushed against one another and it was like Derek realized at that moment what he was doing.

If he went through with it, he'd be kissing another woman. One that wasn't his wife. And he wasn't that guy. At least he never had been before. He loved Addison, he did. But maybe he wasn't in love with her anymore. They moved out here because something, whatever it was, wasn't working for them.

They came out for a fresh start. But the change in scenery didn't make a difference. It wasn't Manhattan's fault that their marriage wasn't working out. Something wasn't right with them, and it didn't matter where they went. And now, he was falling for someone else. Someone who wasn't his wife. And he wasn't going to be the guy that cheated on his wife.

"Yeah," Addison said, sitting down on the couch and running a hand through her hair.

"We can't do this anymore, can we?" Addison asked, looking up at Derek, who leaned against the kitchen counter.

"No, we can't," Derek said sadly. Addison stayed in her spot on the couch, letting it all sink in.

"I think…you should stay somewhere else tonight," Addison finally said.

She'd leave herself, but she'd picked out the house, the furniture, the decor. Derek's the one who wanted that damn trailer. The tin can of a man cave. The trailer was practically a tiny home on wheels, anyway. He could sleep there tonight. And he had on occasion.

"Okay," Derek nodded and pushed himself off the kitchen counter. He barely passed Addison on the couch before stopping himself.

"I can't lose her," Derek said, his voice cracking under the pressure. He didn't have to say who he was talking about.

"I would never keep her from you," Addison insisted. She stood up so she could look him in the eyes. His eyes were watery as he bit his lip and fought back tears.

"I don't want her to grow up like me," Derek said.

"Mom wasn't…I love my mom, you know I do. But I needed my dad; we all did. And she…she tried, but she couldn't be both of them. I know it's not her fault. She lost someone, too. But the minute that bullet hit him, it was over. I wasn't a kid anymore. None of us were," Derek said.

"We'll make it work," Addison said. Derek swallowed hard.

"You will always have a place in Liv's life. And I hope that you'll do the same for me," Addison added. Derek nodded.

"I will. I promise," Derek said.

End flashback


"So, we're having two parties this year. Liv will be thrilled," Derek said.

"Take lots of pictures for me," Addison smiled.

"So, I guess I won't see you for her party out here?" Derek asked.

"I'll try to make it out there. You know I will," Addison said. Derek just felt like a bad parent. He hadn't been out to see Olivia since the start of school.

"Derek, don't beat yourself up. You're doing the best you can. She's been there with you so much this year, she's missing a lot of school. Not that she seems to mind. She's been putting up a fight about it recently," Addison said.

"Funny, Amy said something similar," Derek commented, thinking back to his sister's comment that he dismissed.

"She's very in tune with Liv's needs," Addison smiled at the thought.

"Thanks, Addie. Really," Derek finally said thankfully, after a minute of silence.

"Don't mention it. Give her lots of kisses for me. And tell her I'll call her later to say goodnight," Addison added. With that, the two ended the phone call.

Derek, on his end, went back to work, trying to figure out how to give his daughter the party she wanted. This was her first birthday party in Seattle that she'd remember, so he wanted it to be perfect. There weren't many kids in Seattle, or more specifically kids that were around her age, that he and Olivia knew. She was usually fine with hanging out with his friends and coworkers, but would it still be enough for her birthday party? He wasn't sure.

For the next few days, he began putting together the details. They'd have the party at the frat house, as his ex-wife commonly referred to it. He sent interns to pick up cute tea party decorations like small kettles, teacups, and ingredients for little sandwiches, cookies, and cupcakes. Lexie offered to help bake since Izzie was gone now and even suggested they could bake during the party.

Alex made fun of him when he saw the contents of the bags, but Derek didn't care. It was for Olivia. He threatened to make sure Alex would be working the day of the party if he made another smart comment again. They both knew it was an empty threat. Olivia loved having Alex around, especially since he could do braids for her, whereas Meredith couldn't. And April was just eager to help since she loved kids and loved everything girly.

Since Addison was always better at picking out decorations, Derek called and texted frequently, sending pictures of things he'd find online or in stores to get her thoughts. After over 15 years of knowing him, she knew to expect it at this point. He may have grown up with women, but he was utterly clueless when it came to picking things out for their daughter.

Addison reassured him that he'd do just fine. She was all too familiar with feeling overwhelmed and wanting to get all the details right for Olivia. But Addison also knew that Olivia would love any party Derek threw together for her because he was her dad. She didn't need anything super flashy, she just wanted to have fun with her friends and family. And as long as Derek could get that for Olivia, the party would be a success.

Now, Derek's final mission was to talk to the guys and convince them that tiaras were a must. He knew Mark wouldn't be able to say no, but Alex and Richard would be the holdouts. He could maybe resort to blackmail. Or maybe get Meredith or even Lexie to talk to Richard. He had a soft spot for the Greys.

In the end, after getting his sister's advice, he just decided to go for it. Derek decided he'd get Olivia to ask Alex at the party, so he wouldn't have to. Richard, he could probably convince. After all that, the only thing left to do was wait for the party to arrive.


While Derek was busy planning their daughter's birthday party, Addison was working on another project for his sister this time. Addison had gone shopping out of boredom and picked up some much-needed items for Amelia, knowing that despite what she said, she still needed stuff.

"Addison?" Jake called out into the house. The door wasn't locked, and no one came to the door when he knocked.

"Up here!" Addison called back, recognizing his voice. She made a mental note to remember to lock the door next time.

When Jake got upstairs, Addison was sitting on the floor of what used to be her office space. Except now, the room was empty other than the desk that'd clearly been cleaned out and some boxes sitting beside it. He saw scattered mint-green furniture parts around her and heard the radio playing softly in the background.

"Is…everything okay?" Jake asked.

"Any chance you know how to put together a crib?" Addison asked, not even looking up from the instruction booklet.

"What?" Jake asked, stunned.

"Do you know how to put together a crib?" Addison asked again.

"Derek did this last time for Liv. With help, of course, but still. I am a smart, competent doctor and I've somehow read this three times. And I still don't know what I'm doing. I'm not even sure if the instructions are even in English." Addison commented.

"Is…is there something you need to tell me?" Jake asked hesitantly.

"What?" Addison turned around to look at Jake. Jake gave her back a confused look like she forgot to tell him something important.

"Do we need to talk?" Jake asked. Addison looked back, confused, until she realized why Jake was asking the question.

"Amelia! The crib is for Amelia. Not me," Addison insisted as she stood up, starting to laugh. Jake laughed along, now feeling dumb for thinking Addison was pregnant.

"Sorry, I just…I guess I forgot. It feels like some sort of forbidden topic so I just pushed it out of my mind." Jake remembered back to right before Halloween when Amelia actually said something about it.

"No, I'm sorry. I probably should've given you some context first," Addison laughed along, wrapping her arms around his neck. Jake smiled back as she did.

"If I was pregnant, which I'm not, I would know. And I'm not. But, more importantly, I would tell you before going out to buy a crib," Addison joked. Jake's smile widened before pulling in his girlfriend for a kiss.

"So where were we?" Jake asked, taking the instructions from his girlfriend's hands so he could help.

"These instructions are not in English," Addison insisted once again.

"I don't know what they're in but not English or French. I'd know - I'm fluent in both. German maybe? But then I'd have to get Amelia to translate," Addison rambled, making Jake laugh.

A/N: Chapter title inspired by the song Only Love Can Hurt Like This by Paloma Faith.