Chapter 22: Beloved
Summary: Amelia rushes back to LA to be by Michelle's bedside. Meanwhile, Addison struggles to tell Olivia.
"Hey," Michelle muttered once she opened her eyes and saw Amelia sitting beside her.
"Hey. Are you…are you okay?" Amelia asked.
"D…don't I l…look…o..k..kay?" Michelle joked.
"No, you look like crap," Amelia joked back. Maybe their sarcastic humor would get them through this terrible time. Or at least make it better.
"Ss…so do..you," Michelle mustered up a laugh and squeezed Amelia's hand.
"Why didn't you tell me your symptoms were getting worse?" Amelia asked.
Judging from the way she talked now, Amelia knew it must've gradually been getting worse. It couldn't have changed that drastically overnight. Amelia noticed a slight change in her speech, but it'd been almost three weeks since she saw her last. She'd been so busy focusing on Erica's surgery and then had gone out of town for the surgery. Amelia realized the deterioration of Michelle's cognitive and motor skills must've progressed pretty rapidly then, since she wasn't nearly this bad the last time she saw her.
"I..It's..ss..fi..ine," Michelle choked out.
It was more than just the way she talked. Michelle's body twitched and her breath staggered and was uneven. Amelia knew she probably couldn't feed herself anymore. She felt guilty for not being there for her friend. With everything going on, it just fell by the wayside. The devastating news about her baby and Erica's surgery held her focus for too long when she should've been with Michelle. She pulled back when she should've leaned in.
Amelia just gave Michelle a small smile and squeezed her hand, letting her friend rest. She knew it took all her energy just to breathe in the state she was in. So, Amelia just sat there to make sure her friend knew she wasn't alone. But the silence was killing her, so she thought she might as well tell her more about the surgery and her time in Seattle.
While Amelia told Michelle about her time in Seattle, Addison, Jake, and Charlotte stepped out into the hall. They thought they could use some privacy, and they wanted to let them talk without upsetting them.
"So, how is she?" Charlotte asked gently, figuring she could ask, seeing as she was here.
Addison sighed.
"Not good. It's progressed faster than we would've liked. I had to put her in hospice last night, and I know it's not great. I didn't want to, but Amelia never would, and neither would Michelle. And Michelle's dad would just default to Amelia since she's a doctor," Addison explained.
"Amelia doesn't like talking about it. They've been best friends for so long. I'm scared of what it'll do to Amelia when she's gone," Addison whispered.
The only thing she knew for sure was Michelle was not going to meet baby girl Shepherd. She wouldn't live long enough to get that far.
"Her nurse told me that her speech has been getting worse for a while. I guess nobody really noticed, but she had trouble breathing last night, so she brought her to St. Ambrose. Nobody knows how much time she has left," Addison said.
She looked at Charlotte.
"How did you guys tell Mason about Erica? I have to go tell my now-seven-year-old about Michelle, and I know that's not gonna be easy for her. Amelia's gonna beat herself up over hurting Liv like this, even though it's not her fault," Addison asked.
"With Angela, she kind of just knew. I tried to shield her from a lot of it, but she was smart for an 11-year-old," Jake said, not that Addison asked him.
"Erica didn't wanna tell him, but we couldn't keep hidin' it. Mason's smart. And his mom's been his only family for most of his life. We kept tryin' to convince her to tell him, but she wouldn't. Not until we came to Seattle," Charlotte replied.
"What'd she tell him?" Addison asked.
"That she was really sick and that she could die," Charlotte said bluntly.
"Well, Michelle doesn't really have the luxury of telling her herself anymore," Addison said sarcastically, mostly to herself.
"They're strong; they'll make it through," Charlotte said, nodding toward the room, referring to Amelia and Olivia.
Jake checked his watch, sighing regretfully.
"I have to get back to work. Do you want me to get Liv from school later?" Jake asked.
"Um…no, it's okay, I'll get her. I should probably get going, anyway; I have a patient in an hour," Addison said after looking closer at the clock hanging on the wall.
"You need a ride? I'm headed back to the office," Jake offered.
"That'd be great. Thank you," Addison said, looking back one more time into Michelle's room.
"Go. I've got her," Charlotte reassured her.
"Thank you," Addison said regretfully, heading off after a quick goodbye to the younger women.
After pushing through the day, Addison headed out to pick up Olivia from school, who was thrilled to see her mom.
"Hey baby, did you have a good day?" Addison asked softly, bending down to her daughter's level to look into her eyes.
"Uh-huh. We did lots today!" Olivia exclaimed, chatting away excitedly as Addison listened, walking toward the car to head home. She knew she had to tell Olivia something tonight, but she didn't know what. She already decided she wouldn't push Olivia on homework tonight.
Once they got home, Addison let her play out in the sand while she sat there, lost in thought. She must've been so out of it that she didn't realize that Maya had come out to join Olivia.
She snapped a picture, sending it to Derek and Naomi, knowing they'd both appreciate it. And she was right. Naomi responded almost immediately, thanking her.
After noticing how late it was, Addison called the girls in.
"Hey, Maya. Are you staying for dinner?" Addison offered.
"Um, yeah, if you don't mind. My dad's out on a date. He left me money for food, but I saw Liv outside playing and it looked like fun," Maya replied. Addison smiled. She wondered how much time Maya really spent on her own with Sam constantly at work and her mom living out of the state, and she made a mental note to invite her out to play with Olivia more often.
"Not a problem. What would you guys like for dinner?" Addison asked.
"How about some chicken and rice from that Greek place we like, Liv?" Addison offered after seeing the two get nowhere in their debate.
"Okay!" Olivia agreed cheerfully, which made Maya giggle.
"What would you like, Maya?" Addison asked, handing her a paper menu. Sam didn't do takeout much. Neither did Naomi. So whenever Maya got it, it was a treat.
After dinner, the girls played some more while Addison checked in on Amelia. She reminded her that it wasn't just her health on the line, so she begged her to take care of herself. Amelia told her she wasn't coming home tonight, which Addison figured. She already got an extra bed set up in Michelle's room before Amelia even got on the plane.
"Liv, bath time!" Addison called after deciding that this would be the best time to tell Olivia about Michelle.
"Maya, you're welcome to stay," Addison called, seeing the teen get up. Maybe it'd be easier on Olivia if Maya stayed, Addison thought.
"Oh, okay," Maya shrugged. She didn't really feel like going home just to sit alone and do homework, so she was fine with staying with her Aunt Addison and Olivia.
"You can stay for story time!" Olivia smiled.
"Yeah, I guess I can," Maya laughed as Olivia held out a hand before they walked upstairs for bath time. Addison took a deep breath, still trying to figure out what she was going to say before following the girls upstairs.
After drawing Olivia her bath, Olivia got into the tub, full of toys and bubbles. After she got in, she called Maya to come in to play with her. Maya obliged and sat across from Addison beside the tub, playfully dragging a toy boat on the bubbles.
Addison watched the two playing for a few minutes while gathering her thoughts. She wasn't quite sure how to say this, so she was stalling.
"Hey Livvy, can I talk to you for a minute?" Addison asked gently.
Olivia looked up as Maya stalled the boat.
"Do you remember how Michelle's hand doesn't work sometimes?" Addison started.
"Uh-huh. She drops stuff because her hand shakes a lot," Olivia said easily.
Addison nodded.
"That's right. We had to take her to the hospital last night. She's having trouble breathing right now, so she's gonna live there now," Addison said gently, trying to tell her without lying.
"For how long?" Olivia asked.
"I don't know, baby," Addison answered honestly.
"What's wrong with her, Mommy?" Olivia asked, her eyes widening.
"She's sick, Liv. Really sick," Addison replied.
"Why?" Olivia asked.
"Well, Michelle has what's called Huntington's disease. It's a genetic disease, so it means that her mom had it, too," Addison started.
"When's she gonna get better?" Olivia asked.
"Livvy, she's not gonna get better," Addison said gently.
"Why not?" Olivia asked, still confused.
"Well, the disease Michelle has doesn't have a cure. You know how when you have a cold, I give you medicine and you feel better? There isn't any medicine that can help Michelle's kind of sickness," Addison explained.
"Why not?" Olivia asked.
"Well, not a lot of people have had what Michelle has, so they haven't found a cure yet. And Michelle's sickness works differently than other diseases, so it's just been too hard to find a cure yet," Addison explained, trying to keep things simple.
"So, Mitchie's not gonna get better?" Olivia asked, her eyes starting to fill with tears.
"No, baby. Mitchie's not gonna get better," Addison confirmed, moving to stroke the girl's hair as she started to cry softly. Maya offered the girl her hand, and Olivia took it and squeezed tight as she cried.
"Is Mitchie gonna be with Grandpa in heaven?" Olivia finally asked after a few minutes.
Addison remembered the day Olivia asked why she didn't have another grandpa. One of her friends from school told her all of her grandparents came for Christmas that year. But Olivia realized that her friend has two grandmas and two grandpas. And she only had one grandpa. She knew The Captain was her mommy's daddy, so she was confused as to why she didn't know her daddy's daddy.
When she asked Derek about it, he told her his dad had died when he was a kid. Olivia was too young to really understand what it meant, so she asked him why she couldn't meet him. And he told her he wasn't here anymore, so she couldn't meet him. Then Olivia asked where he went, and while Derek wasn't really religious anymore, he told her he went to heaven. Addison wasn't sure how she felt about incorporating religion into Olivia's upbringing, but she had to admit this was a good way to explain death to a little girl.
"I like to think she will," Addison replied. Olivia nodded, thinking about it for another minute.
"Is she gonna stay long enough to come to my birthday party?" Olivia asked.
"Who said you were getting another birthday party?" Addison asked, reaching in to tickle her.
"But we have to have another party! It can also be Mitchie's goodbye party!" Olivia exclaimed. Addison was a little surprised at how well her daughter was handling this. She knew it would hit her harder later after Michelle was gone, but it still surprised her, nonetheless.
She looked over to see Maya, upset, so she hugged the girl.
"I'm sorry, Maya," Addison said softly. She knew Maya loved Michelle's humor.
"You can cry if you need to. It's okay," Addison added. Maya held onto Addison tighter as she cried softly in Addison's arms. Addison stroked her hair while letting her cry.
She let Maya cry, watching Olivia play in the tub. You could tell the girl was upset, but nowhere near as upset as Maya, who could understand the gravity of the situation better.
"Okay, why don't we get our PJs on and watch a movie with some juju? How does that sound?" Addison asked the girls, reaching for a towel to get Liv out of the bath.
"Maya, you can go be alone if you want to, but you are more than welcome to join us for a movie and some hot chocolate. You can even spend the night if you want," Addison offered.
"I'd like that," Maya sniffled.
"Why don't you grab some clothes from your place and we'll meet you downstairs?" Addison suggested. Maya nodded as Addison dried Olivia off before getting the girl dressed in her pajamas.
Addison hugged the girl a little tighter before letting go.
"Hey, how about we call Daddy while Maya's busy? I bet he'd love to see you," Addison suggested, knowing Derek was feeling down, too. And they could cheer each other up.
"Okay, Mommy," Olivia hugged her, running to grab her iPad.
Addison held her girl close as they called. She knew Olivia would put a smile on Derek's face.
"Hi, Daddy!" Olivia waved excitedly once he appeared on the screen.
"Hey Liv, you getting ready for bed?" Derek asked.
"Mommy's gonna put on a movie," Olivia said.
"This late?" Derek asked, directing his question more toward Addison.
"It's not late yet, Daddy!" Olivia exclaimed. Derek chuckled.
"Alright, I guess it's not that late," Derek gave in.
"Maya's joining us," Addison informed him.
"I think we could use a little less structure today," Addison said, knowing she preferred a routine when it came to Olivia, but sometimes she needed to go off of it.
"I guess you're right about that," Derek commented.
"And if that means no school tomorrow, then so be it," Addison rubbed Olivia's back. Her daughter's eyes lit up at the sound of that.
"Really?" Olivia asked excitedly.
"Maybe, Livvy," Addison stressed.
Derek laughed. He knew Olivia could probably convince her mom to take the day off tomorrow.
"I just got paged; I gotta go. Love you, Livvy. Be good for Mommy, okay?" Derek asked.
"Okay, Daddy! Love you, too!" Olivia exclaimed, blowing him a kiss with her hand.
"I'll call you tomorrow?" Addison asked, watching the two. She wanted to talk to him, but she didn't want to keep him.
"Yeah, I should be free around three," Derek blew a kiss to Olivia, watching her catch it before hanging up.
Addison sent Olivia off to pick a movie, silently hoping it wasn't The Little Mermaid or My Little Pony—anything but those two movies.
Addison headed to the kitchen to make hot chocolate, or juju as they called it, for the girls. She knew it would be a late night, but they all needed it. Unsure if Maya would tell Sam of their new plans, Addison sent a quick text to Sam just in case Maya didn't, letting him know she had Maya for the night.
"This one, Mommy?" Olivia asked, holding up a movie.
"Sure, baby," Addison said, bringing the mugs into the living room.
"What are we watching?" Maya asked, coming inside from the back door.
"Phineas and Ferb! Mason got it for me for my birthday," Olivia said, handing Addison the DVD.
"I thought your birthday was this weekend," Maya commented. Olivia's birthday party was on Saturday, so Maya assumed that was also her actual birthday.
"Mm-mm. My birthday was two days ago! We had a party at Daddy's house," Olivia informed her. She hadn't seen Maya since before she left, so she didn't get the chance to tell Maya all about her party in Seattle.
"Oh. That's cool. You get two parties," Maya commented.
"Yeah! Maybe you can get two parties too 'cause your mommy doesn't live here anymore," Olivia said. Maya wasn't sure why, but the mention of her mom struck a chord with her.
"Yeah. Maybe…," Maya trailed off, not wanting to upset Olivia.
After Addison put in the DVD, she turned on the TV and sat beside Olivia, reaching over to rub Maya's shoulder. Maya didn't need to say anything for Addison to know she was trying to be strong for the younger girl. Naomi was still a sore subject with her, and Addison was trying to be supportive of her friend, but she knew she could never leave her daughter behind for her father for a man, a job, or anything, for that matter. But Maya wasn't her daughter and Naomi could decide for herself what she thought was best for her.
The three settled down with their juju while they watched the movie. Addison had to admit it was pretty funny, and the humor was clean, which was nice. She hadn't gotten the chance to look into the movie beforehand to make sure it was age-appropriate for Olivia, but Mason was a good kid, and Cooper insisted the Phineas and Ferb movie was very PG, so she trusted their judgment.
By the time the movie was over, Olivia had moved to her mom's arms, holding back a yawn.
"Ready for bed, Livvy?" Addison asked, rubbing her back.
"No," Olivia protested with a yawn.
Addison and Maya both chuckled.
"Can I sleep with you, Mommy?" Olivia asked, wrapping her arms around her mommy's waist as she stood.
"Sure baby. Let's go. Maya, the guest room has fresh sheets. Or you're welcome to join us," Addison offered.
"Okay," Maya smiled.
Addison woke up with a foot in the face, not even surprised. She had taken Olivia to bed with her last night, who, at times, was a restless sleeper. Usually, when something was bothering her, Addison figured it would be a good day to stay home. She eased herself out of bed, gently padding down the hall to the guest bedroom. Addison knocked on the door lightly before sticking her head in.
"Maya? Are you up?" Addison asked.
"Yeah, come on in," Maya replied, sitting up in bed.
"How are you feeling?" Addison asked concerned, making her way in to sit next to Maya on the bed.
"Okay, I guess," Maya shrugged.
"Think you're up to going to school today? Liv's staying home. I can call in for you," Addison offered.
"I don't think my dad would like that," Maya commented. She didn't want to go to school, but she also didn't want to get in trouble with her dad.
"I'll handle your dad," Addison reassured her.
"You'd really do that for me?" Maya asked.
"Yeah. It meant a lot that you stuck around with Liv last night. I know the news about Michelle wasn't easy for you to hear, either," Addison said.
"Yeah…Is Michelle okay?" Maya asked. Now that she and Addison were alone, she could get a more honest answer from her.
"She's not great. I thought maybe we could visit her later today and give Amelia a break," Addison said. Maya nodded.
"It's really bad, isn't it?" Maya asked hesitantly.
"Yeah, it's bad," Addison confirmed, stroking Maya's hair gently.
"Mommy?" Olivia asked from the hallway.
"In here, Livvy!" Addison called out. Not long after, a sleepy Olivia wandered in, holding her teddy bear and rubbing her eye with her other hand.
Addison scooped her up, snuggling her tight. Olivia stayed cuddled in her mommy's arms, teddy bear in hand, and refused to let go.
"You girls hungry? There's cereal, or we can have scrambled eggs," Addison offered.
"No," Olivia shook her head. Mommy made runny eggs.
"Well, what would you like?" Addison asked.
"Can we have pancakes, Mommy?" Olivia asked.
"Sure," Addison smiled and grabbed the box of pancake mix from the pantry.
"Can you make them into bunnies?" Olivia asked.
"I don't think so, baby. I can try, but I don't think they'd come out very good," Addison answered honestly.
"I wish Dr. Jake was here," Olivia commented. Addison and Maya giggled.
"You really like him, don't you?" Maya asked.
"Yeah! He makes the best pancakes," Olivia said.
"Well, I don't think I can make them into bunnies, but maybe I can make teddy bear pancakes," Maya offered.
"Really?" Olivia's eyes widened.
"Yeah. Maybe. I mean, teddy bears are basically like three circles, right?" Maya asked.
"They might not look perfect, Livvy. So, we don't wanna get mad at her if they're not perfect, right?" Addison said. Olivia nodded.
Maya and Olivia mixed the pancake batter as Addison grabbed a non-stick pan. After swirling around a pad of butter, Maya used a ladle to pour in the batter, making a circle. Then she ladled a smaller amount of batter and poured it next to the larger circle, and again on the other side. It wasn't perfect, but it was undeniable that it was in the shape of a bear's head.
"Not bad," Addison commented.
"Thanks, Aunt Addie," Maya smiled.
"You should show Dr. Jake!" Olivia suggested.
"That's not a bad idea," Addison chuckled before grabbing her phone and taking a picture of the pancakes.
The girls spent the morning chatting while eating pancakes, and Addison let them watch some cartoons while she cleaned up. She quickly texted Jake, letting him know how much Olivia loved his pancakes. She even sent him two pictures as well to help prove her point. The first picture was of Maya's teddy bear pancake. The next was a picture of the girls watching TV. They were giggling at whatever they were watching.
Jake smiled when he read her text message, updating her on a patient he'd helped get pregnant. He told her to have fun on her day off before getting back to work. Addison went and sat down on the couch, relaxing beside the girls.
By noon, they'd all moved outside to play on the beach. Addison worked on some paperwork while the girls made sandcastles not too far from the back patio. While she worked, she heard the doorbell ring from inside.
"I'll be right back," Addison said, getting up from her seat to answer the door. If Maya wasn't here, she would've made Olivia come up to the porch. Maybe that was just paranoia talking, but she wouldn't take the chance.
When the door opened, she found Jake standing there holding a reusable grocery bag.
"Hey," Addison's face lit up as she leaned in for a quick kiss.
"Hey. I hope it's okay I came without calling," Jake said.
"Of course. Come on in," Addison gestured inwardly as Jake walked in.
"I thought you'd be working," Addison commented as he put the bag on the counter.
"I was, but I thought I'd stop by for lunch. See how you were doing," Jake said gently after pulling some Tupperware out of the bag.
"I'm fine, but thank you," Addison said appreciatively.
"What is that, anyway?" Addison asked. It wasn't takeout, that was for sure.
"Arroz con pollo. Or chicken and rice, in English," Jake chuckled. Addison loved hearing the man roll his r's.
"You made us lunch?" Addison asked, flattered.
"Yeah, well. I know it hasn't been easy with Amelia and Michelle. My mom used to make this for me when I was sick," Jake said.
"That's nice," Addison commented.
"I'll call Maya and Olivia in for lunch," Addison added, gesturing to the girls playing outside.
"Maya! Olivia! Lunchtime!" Addison called once she reached the back door.
"Dr. Jake!" Olivia exclaimed.
"Hey, Liv!" Jake smiled back at her as he stood beside Addison.
"Hi, Jake," Maya greeted him as she followed Olivia toward the backdoor.
"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked as she walked over to greet him.
"I brought lunch," Jake informed the girl.
"Oh. What'd you bring?" Olivia asked as she and Maya walked in alongside Jake and Addison.
"Arroz con pollo. Chicken and rice in Spanish," Jake said, trying to make it sound more exciting.
"Air-roz con pollo," Olivia said, sounding it out. Her pronunciation wasn't perfect, and it was clear she'd been more trained in learning French. But it was close.
"Not bad," Jake chuckled.
"What makes it Spanish?" Maya asked curiously.
"Well, technically, mine is Peruvian, since it's my mom's old recipe. I added this yellow pepper paste, but not a lot 'cause it's a little spicy," Jake informed her. Maya nodded in interest.
"But the rice is like a Spanish-style rice with vegetables," Jake added.
"Well, that sounds better than my dad's recipe," Maya commented.
Sam's version was pretty plain. And he usually paired it with some simply roasted vegetables and brown rice. Jake and Addison couldn't help but laugh. Sam was a good doctor, but as a cook, he erred on the healthier side. Not just for himself, but especially for his daughter.
"It's still warm if you guys are ready to eat," Jake said, changing the subject. Addison looked over at the girls and they nodded back.
"I'll grab some plates," Addison said.
Maya helped Addison set the table and grabbed some napkins and utensils as Olivia chatted away, telling Jake all about their day off. Jake and Addison portioned the food onto their plates and served the girls before sitting down to join them.
"Mommy?" Olivia asked.
"Yes, baby?" Addison asked.
"Can I have some hot sauce?" Olivia asked. Maya stifled a laugh as Jake looked away, feeling guilty after seeing Addison's face.
"Hot sauce? Since when do you eat hot sauce?" Addison asked.
"Dr. Jake and Angie let me have some with my mac and cheese," Olivia said easily. Addison looked over at Jake and raised an eyebrow.
"I'm sorry, Addison. It was on the table and she wanted to try it after seeing Angela eat some," Jake explained.
"And you liked it?" Addison asked, looking over at Olivia. The girl could be a picky eater, so she was surprised she liked hot sauce.
"Uh-huh!" Olivia confirmed.
"Okay. I guess I'll grab the hot sauce," Addison chuckled, getting up toward the fridge.
After lunch, Jake went back to work and Olivia declared she wasn't napping. So, Addison asked the girls if they wanted to visit Michelle. Olivia was very enthusiastically interested in that idea, so Addison hauled the girl upstairs for a bath. Any time Olivia played outside in the sand, she got it everywhere. Addison didn't want Olivia to continue tracking dirt into the house. While Olivia took a bath, Maya went home to change and grab some of her homework to do at the hospice center. When she got back, Olivia was ready to go.
A/N: Chapter title inspired by the song, Beloved by Mumford & Sons. The only fun part about this was when Jake showed up with lunch. Sorry, this chapter was a little depressing. This whole storyline was rough, and it's not over yet, but it will start to lighten up in a few chapters.
