Chapter 37

Contrary to popular belief, I didn't spend the week constantly thinking about Izuku like some silly school girl. The world did not stop when you fell in love, and all the things you loved to do before you still loved doing. Life went on. However, the little things that always chipped away at me didn't seem to bother me as much. The frenzy I whipped myself into to work on the next page of my comic and have it ready by Friday? Gone. The Monday morning lecture from my boss of what I had done wrong over the weekend? Inconsequential. Even the invasive questioning from my mother about where I had disappeared during the weekend that resulted in my clothes being soaked in one way or another had rolled off of me like fur on a fresh lint roller. The only thing that had stuck with me was the calm and uncharacteristically good mood I had been in since the beach.

Every time I pictured it, desire and warmth flooded through me along with the climactic swells of 'Scarborough Fair,' repeating endlessly as I spent the rest of the week sketching the 'acre of land between saltwater and sea-strand' I had discovered with Izuku on the shore and the kisses we had shared there. I'd smile in remembrance of how gentle his hand was as it grazed the side of my face, how bright and colorful his eyes were before they turned stormy as he leaned in, how strong yet gentle his lips were and how soft his breath was against my nose, and how panicked I had been at the start, only having had a second to close my eyes before I felt his chaste kiss and how wonderful and fleeting the moment was. How, for one single moment, all of my doubts and songs stuck in my head had gone silent. The memory was like a starting over on a clean Etch-a-Sketch board, wiping away every blemish or rough edge until I saw smooth and soft, like a clean slate. It was like I had been reborn like a phoenix rising out of the ashes.

The next day I knew I had to see him, that I needed to see him, and thankfully, Izuku had left me his business card with his address on it. I was shocked at how close his agency actually was to my work, skirting the outer rim of Dantooin and Chiyoda, which opened up future possibilities of me visiting after work. After a long day of being scolded by Masako for minor errors I had done to the daily activity fliers and starting choir five minutes late because of stomach problems, I had really needed the pick-me-up and Izuku delivered. Even after saying goodbye, I couldn't wait to see him again.

Now Friday was in full swing and I was anticipating Izuku's visit all while daydreaming about finally having a proper date with him where I wouldn't have to worry about getting sick or interrupted or overheard by family members. I cleaned the house in advance (something that shocked my mother), had the DVR taping Might-T for re-watch purposes, and bought a box of spaghetti and a jar of tomato sauce that was already cooked and ready to be served. In retrospect, I realized I had picked the most obvious, romantic food a person could share next to Pocky, and while it wasn't my intention to reenact Lady and the Tramp, since I was missing meatballs and spaghetti was one of the few meals I could cook with confidence, it certainly didn't hurt things either. I thought about buying garlic bread, usually pairing it together for the Blake annual Halloween party, but refrained since garlic wasn't the greatest thing to eat when you were dating, something I had to consider now that I had a boyfriend. I couldn't help but squeal in delight at the word. Boyfriend. I had a boyfriend now. A living, breathing boyfriend that I could love and hug and kiss whenever I wanted to, which was such an upgrade from the last 'relationship' I had been in, which had been distant in every sense of the word.

I was positive nothing could possibly spoil my mood for today. Then I got the call. I was setting up Friday's bingo and ice cream event at work, humming OR3O's rendition of Elvis Presley's "Can't Help Falling in Love" and just about to start taking attendance when my phone began to vibrate obnoxiously on the table. I looked down, expecting to see another spam caller, and instead saw my sister's name on the caller ID. What did she want that she had to call me in the middle of my workday?

"...Jo-Elle? What's up?"

"Hey, so I just got a call from Aunt Cheri. Apparently, Mom had an episode while they were checking in at the retreat and they panicked and called 911. We're following her ambulance right now on the way to the hospital."

My blood chilled at her words before it was replaced by a stir of exasperation and nausea. It wasn't uncommon for Mom to work herself up into a frenzy due to stress that would trigger her to have phantom seizures, but normally that just wiped her out for the rest of the day. There had to be more to the story for her to get EMTs involved.

"Is she alright? Did she fall and hit her head again? Is it because of her medication? Did she get an overdose of Crotalin or Keppra?"

"No and I don't think so. She's just really wiped and having arm spasms. She threw up on the way to the car."

I hissed internally. "Awww poor Momma. She's having such a tough time," I said, checking off Nanami Sato off of my attendance sheet. "Well, keep me updated on her."

"Alyssa, you don't understand. I'm calling you because you need to get over to Jaku right now."

"But it's just one of her usual episodes," I frowned. "She'll be fine after a few hours. What are they taking her to the hospital for?"

"Cheri's never been around Mom during one of her seizures, and this one seemed to be pretty bad, so they're taking her there just to be safe. You need to go tell your boss that have to go now." Anxiety crept in like an unwanted houseguest, nesting itself inside my stomach as I felt my palms start to sweat. I hated hospitals, loathing the intense feeling of dread and quiet anxiety that I always experienced there. They were rarely happy places and always made me hyper aware of everything, not to mention how uncomfortable the waiting rooms were for long periods of time.

"I can't! I've already taken off too much work, plus aren't you supposed to be there with her? Can't you just take care of it?"

"Alyssa, I know this is super inconvenient for you and that you hate changes in your routine, but this is your mother. She is probably scared out of her mind right now and wants both of us to be with her. She asked for you to be there."

Why? She was a grown adult woman, and I fought regularly with her. Why would she want me around to comfort her? I would just be a nuisance and make her illness worse. Rather than tell Jo-Elle this, I held my tongue as she continued. "Just let you boss know what's going on. Masako will understand."

"...Okay, okay. I'll figure something out," I resigned, sensing Jo-Elle's tone as her attitude to not be trifled with. I looked at the crowd of people that had gathered for bingo and tried formulating an exit plan and a way to spin this towards, feeling like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Hopefully one of the resident volunteers would be able to oversee everything while I was gone.

While I formulated how to confront Masako with my abrupt absence, another crushing realization hit me. Mom being brought to a hospital meant that she was going to be home this weekend, which in turn meant that my date with Izuku, the one that I had been looking forward to all week, was effectively cancelled. Despair filled me instantly as my fingers hovered over the keyboard, feeling regret with every character I typed before I pressed Send.

I'm so sorry. I'm going to have to take a rain-check our date for tonight. Panicked and not wanting to give Izuku some cheap lie that would make him feel worse, I typed the rest the explanation and sent another quick text bubble. My mom had a seizure at the spa retreat she was staying at and is now being transported to some hospital in Jaku. Minor thing, I'm sure, but I'm leaving to go see her now. I'm really sorry to cancel so last minute.

The message sat underneath Izuku's last text, the one that had been of him talking about how he couldn't wait to see me this evening and how he had a surprise waiting for me. It seemed that the surprise would have to wait.


It was almost two hours before I finally arrived at Jaku Central Hospital. I had already gone to see Mom. She was resting in the hospital bed, wearing one of her cute little beanies she always wore outside of the house to hide her bald spot, completely out of it. Since she had retired and lost the ability to use her right hand properly, she rarely put on her face when she left the house aside from special occasions. Her lack of makeup made her appear even more gaunt and sickly while a machine beeped incessantly next to her, frustrating me with every ping and the knowledge that I didn't know which sinewave meant what. The doctor shows on television never told you which beep was what and which one was bad. It only reminded me of how useless I had felt, how helpless I was in the face of her mortality.

Up until now, no one was allowed to see her until she had been given the a-okay by the doctors. How scared she must have been, being surrounded by people who were asking her questions she couldn't answer because she didn't speak their language, only fueling her stress-induced seizures. How long did it take to run some simple tests anyways? Part of me hated that I was here. Far too used to the false alarms and self-made incidents, the whole endeavor felt like a complete waste of time, serving only to take three years off my life from stress. The other ten percent of me was worried that it really was something. She had only been this stressed out once, and that had lasted for almost a day.

Doctors and nurses walked in several times with updates and I sat there and translated everything they said until Cheri got back. I had to be strong, needed to remain calm until I could take a moment for myself. That had always been my role. Once Cheri had walked in, however, I had gotten up from my seat with the intention of standing in the waiting room, since we wouldn't know more until the oncologist arrived. Jo-Elle had insisted that I stay longer to translate. I had staunchly refused, not able to stand sitting there without having something to do to distract myself. Phones were seen as inappropriate to have out in hospitals when loved ones were sick, and I had just recently cleaned out my purse due to all the sand I had brought home with me on Sunday, so there was no book to keep me occupied. Thankfully, my stomach gave me the perfect excuse to leave. I hid in that bathroom for almost fifteen minutes before I felt calm enough to stand outside again. Then I stood in the lobby, pacing anxiously through the waiting room like a caged jungle cat while my phone charged.

As far as waiting rooms went, it was nicer than I expected. All of the furniture was new and the carpet refurbished, even having a flat-screen TV playing local TV channels on the wall. About six paper cranes littered the chair where I had been sitting, remnants of the last of my purse's mini chocolate bars, officially cleaning me out in just one sitting since dinner was now completely out of the question. I had probably burned off any of the calories I had consumed by walking and worn a rut into the nice new carpet to boot.

It was evening now. Mom was resting and Jo-Elle had gone to the cafeteria with Aunt Cheri (who wasn't really our aunt but a close family friend) to get some coffee while I stood in the ER, feeling completely helpless and useless to do anything but wait. Time felt like it had crawled to an almost torturously slow pace. All distractions felt pointless, lacking substance or interest for my already anxious mind, along with a flicker of resentment. Why today? Why today of all days did this have to happen? Was it so impossible for me to be happy just this once without my mother somehow ruining it? I couldn't even tell her the reason why I was so upset about it, because admitting that would only bring her more stress for both of us.

In an ideal world where my mother was accepting of the men her daughters dated, I imagined scenarios of Izuku arriving at the hospital to either whisk me away or us trying to make our date work around my mother's ER visit. Perhaps he would have made it in time to watch Might-T live on TV in the hospital lounge while we waited for results. Instead of my spaghetti, maybe we would grab dinner in the cafeteria or perhaps he would be bringing box lunches he'd picked up from a local convenience store on the way and eat them here while we talked. It was unrealistic to expect any of that to happen, but some part of me deep down was hopeful that I could still somehow salvage our date, really needing some positivity right about now, something that Izuku always had in spades. He had been silent since I had texted him to cancel our date, most likely still at work and caught up in some sort of hero emergency. It was already past six on the clock on the TV, Tokyo TV always displaying the time over whatever program they were playing, reading 18:36 in the upper left-hand corner.

It was true what they said about love. It always showed up when you weren't looking for it, and boy was I not looking when I saw who walked into the ER. It had been perfectly ordinary figure, the man falling into the background like a stock character on a film set. I almost thought I had hallucinated him, another one of my daydreams gone wild, but there he was in all his shining glory- my flying mint bunny in full costume. For a second, I thought he was an amateur cosplayer, but the wear and tear of his gear was too realistic to be staged, like an army veteran coming back from the front. There was no mistaking it- it was him. In real life, my mystery hero was less dazzling and more like a drunk homing pigeon trying to figure out where to roost as he jogged back and forth down different hallways, trying to follow the various arrows and signs leading to different wards, some that were off-limits to the public. Perhaps he was checking up on a sidekick of his, which made sense since this was the ER, and was confused where to go. The longer he wandered, the more frantic he became. Then the hero stopped and stared in my direction. It really was him, my mystery hero and celebrity crush, and now that person was charging in my direction. I was like a convict caught in the spotlight. I wasn't ready! My phone was still charging on the wall, battery run down from the lack of cell service, so there would be no whipping out my camera to capture who this beautiful stranger was in real life on film.

"Alyssa!" I balked. How did he know my name and... why did he sound so familiar? Before I could process this, the stranger had whipped off his hood and slammed into me, giving me a full force hug. I could feel his respirator crush into my chest, his face pressed into my collarbone as his arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders. He was a lot shorter in real life, but then again most men were compared to my height. "I'm so sorry it took me so long! I checked three hospitals before coming here, but I'm here now! Is everything okay?! How's your Mom?"

"Umm... I... I don't know. They're just running some tests in the back," I trailed off. Who was this stranger that had just tackled me and why did he know about my mom? Then I smelled it. That peppermint odor that always seemed to follow him around like a natural musk. Panic turned into happiness as my brain somehow processed that Izuku had been the one comforting me, filling me with relief for all of two seconds before cold realization set in. "...Izuku?"

"Yes?"

No...

"Izuku," I said a little more firmly. He pulled back from me and gave me a quizzical look.

"...Yes?"

No no no no no.

"Izuku!?" I panicked, and in turn made him panic as well as I shoved him back like he was a loose wire that had just accidentally touched my skin. It couldn't be Izuku. That was impossible. I had to be having some sort of out-of-body experience, because there was no way that Izuku was the hero standing right here in front of me. Then it occurred to me- right up until this moment, I had never seen Izuku in his hero costume before, something that he himself had dodged all questions about. All of the warmth his hug had given me left me, draining out of me until I was left with nothing but a cold, solid emptiness.

"What? Alyssa, what's wrong? Is it your mother? Is it your stomach?" he asked, appearing much more alarmed than I was as I watched my world crumble around him, everything I thought I knew rotting away at my feet until there was only him left standing in front of me. Oblivious to this, he took my silence for something else and reached up to cup my face. I pushed his hand away.

"Why are you here...?" I managed, my voice not sounding like my own, resembling more like a tiny child that had been told Santa Claus wasn't real.

"I came as soon as I heard about your mom. I wanted to be here for you."

"But... But you can't be here- you can't be here!" Suddenly that stupid catchphrase of All Might's flooded into my head: 'have no fear, for I am here.' I couldn't tell if it had been because I had been around Izuku for too long or if I had been thinking too much about his TV show, but it came full force like all random leaps and strange connections my brain made, and I couldn't get over the wrongness of it. Izuku was here, and I was still very much afraid, if not more so. No smile was going to make this situation better.

"W-What? Why?"

I quickly eyed the exits, monitoring who came through them and which one would be the quicker escape before I looked back towards him, still unable to take in his appearance and how stupidly good it looked on him. Worst case scenarios began piling up simply from the one possibility about whether anyone would question why he was here and who he was, the 'friend in the area' excuse already falling flat simply because he was male and that I didn't have male friends; my mother had made wilder speculations on far less evidence and knew how to hold a grudge.

"My mother doesn't know about us. She's... she's crazy overprotective when it comes Jo-Elle and I being in relationships. She nearly flipped out when she found out my sister had been dating one of our coworkers for three months before telling her. She still doesn't hear the end of it. She can't see you here right now wearing- wearing-!" I couldn't even get the words out, the betrayal and violation of my trust too great. Everything felt like it was spiraling out of my control, throwing me more off-balance than I already was. "You need to leave. Right now. You can't be here right now."

"I'm sorry, I had no idea... I just wanted to see you and check to make sure you were okay."

Liar. Flatterer. Deceiver.

"But you didn't need to do that," I fired back. "I never asked you to leave work."

"I know. I just figured you needed me more."

The old Alyssa would have melted at that line. Anxiety-Alyssa, however, was in a tailspin, her brain replaying all of the things she had said to Izuku about the mystery hero rushing back and the enormous embarrassment that followed. This wasn't like getting caught wearing your shirt inside out embarrassment. This was like Carrie White getting invited to prom only to be doused in pig blood in front of everyone levels of embarrassment.

"But- But I didn't ask you to do any of that!" I exclaimed in outrage, running my hands through my hair and digging into my scalp as I paced. "What if something bad happens while you're away here with me? You can't be here! You can't be here dressed in that! You just can't!"

"Alyssa, please, you're not making any sense. Dressed like what? What are you talking abo-?" Then he stopped, coming to the exact same realization I had: Izuku 'Deku' Midoriya, my boyfriend, and my mystery hero were one in the same.

"Why do you look like that?"

"I can explain-"

"Why do you look like that, Midoriya?!" I snapped, my shoulder were shaking. I could see his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed slightly at the usage of his last name, but I didn't give him a chance to speak. "Please tell me that you just came from a costume party or were trying on some cosplay at the store before you came rushing over here."

"...No," he admitted softly, his expression ashamed and guilt-stricken as I felt my hands go towards my lips, shaking my head.

"You... It was you? It was you all along? It was you the whole time- the whole time!?" I stammered while my brain tried to process that both the hero I had been simping over for the last month and the man that I had been dating were the same person. Sudden connections that made sense now in context clicked together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, overwhelming an already overworked mind. I had drawn him. I had based Hareraiser off of him. I had pictures of him in a folder on my phone of just screenshots! I had a figurine of him sitting on my bookshelf!

"Alyssa, please calm down. Just here me out-"

"Don't tell me to calm down!" I screeched, filled with a cold, righteous fury. So many questions arose from this one simple fact. Why hadn't he said anything? What else had he lied about? Had he really met All Might and trained with him, or had that just been a line to make me feel sorry for him? Had he stolen my flower pen from me rather than pick it up? Had he ever been truly genuine about anything between the two of us?

Suddenly, it felt like everything in our relationship needed to be reevaluated. Had this been what Mom had felt when she found out Dad had been cheating on her? It wasn't quite the same as his mistress's husband coming to my mother to tell her he'd caught them in the parking lot, but the level of betrayal felt the same. Denial, hurt, anger, and insipid stupidity rushed into me. I was such an idiot, being so blind and naïve to think that just because he was nice meant that he was honest as well.

"Why? Why? Why?! Why didn't you say anything?!"

"Alyssa, you have to believe me, I didn't mean for it to go this far. It just kinda happened. I wanted to tell you, I just..."

"You just what?"

"There was never a good time."

"Bullshit!"

"I'm serious! I thought you knew who I was when we'd first met, but by the time I had found out you didn't know, I couldn't- I didn't want to-! I was going to tell you today during our date."

"And why should I believe anything you say?! You lied to me!"

"I didn't lie to you-"

"You lied by omission! You knew I was looking into him and you knew- you knew -I was a fan." Suddenly I thought of the figure box with his hero name on it, one box I had gotten angry at my mother for trying to throw it out without my permission during one of her threats to clean my room, and suddenly I felt more frustrated and stupid than ever.

"I'm sorry..."

I held up a finger, suddenly scarily calm. "No... No no, you don't get to play the amazing boyfriend card. I'm not going to be made to feel guilty just because you decided to ditch work to see me."

"I'm not asking you to-"

Jo-Elle took that exact moment to come back into the waiting room, a white paper cup in hand and a granola bar in the other. "(Hey, just wanted to let you know Aunt Cheri's going to go get the car. Apparently we can take Mom home for the night)-" she paused before noticing the pro-hero standing in the room. "-oh hey Izuku, what are you doing here?" She smiled amiably at him before the corners of her mouth dropped, mirroring the exact same look I'd had worn before. Her mouth formed a small 'oh', looking back and forth between the two of us and the expressions we wore. "Oh... Oh no."

"(Did you know?!)" I snarled at her startled expression. "(Did you know he was Deku!? That he was- was-!)"

"(No! I swear, I didn't know!)" she held up her hands, taking a step back like she had just stepped into a cage match and was about to pay the price. "Maybe you two should take this outside, talk things over."

"Yes, that sounds like a good idea," Izuku agreed quickly.

"Why? Are you embarrassed? Are you embarrassed of me right now shouting in the ER waiting room?" I growled at him, raising my voice in a way that now all other patrons were staring at us. "Well good! Now you understand how I feel!"

"(Alyssa, you need to chill.)"

"(Oh fuck off with your 'you need to chill' line!)" I snarled at Jo-Elle, turning my misdirected rage onto her. "(I have the right to be upset and I don't need your psych student bullshit tactics right now!)"

"(Hey!)" she snapped, her expression cross and sharp at the flip of a coin. "(Don't say 'fuck off' to me! I'm just trying to help. Don't take it out on me!)"

"(Sorry!)" I snapped in a half-hearted apology "(You know I can't help it!)"

"(That's not an apology! I know you're riled up, but you can't use your autism an excuse to just go one an emotional tirade because of your anxiety in the middle of a hospital. You know better than this!)" The instant she said that word, I wanted to kill her. I wanted to strangle her right then and there with my bare hands. My eyes flicked back to Izuku, who had been standing there stunned at the loud exchange and I felt my breath hitch. He recoiled back from my glare, like he had witnessed a monster jumping out of the closet. I took a breathe, already feeling the words of an oncoming lecture from Jo-Elle that I wasn't willing to listen and stormed out towards the exit.

"Alyssa!" she called back, but I didn't turn around. Alyssa had used Outrage and now she was confused. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I knew that I needed to get out of there.

"Alyssa, wait!" This time Izuku was the one calling me, but I refused to turn around. He heard. He heard her say it. He knew now. He just witnessed how much of a freak-show he had just walked into... so why wasn't he running away? What was it going to take to make this guy go away?

I needed to go and he wouldn't let me leave. I wanted to run and scream and cry and disappear and go nowhere all at once, like I was trying to outrun my own shadow. Worst of all, I hated how much that I needed him, that I had become so dependent on him in such a short time. Because of course the moment that I became dependent on someone, trusted someone, the quicker I would fall apart when they weren't there when I needed them most. I had learned to be self-sufficient and to rely on no one but myself, to not let anyone see me cry. Like my mother.

I stopped at a pillar that held up the veranda of the ER entrance, my conscious too loud to keep me from fully committing to running away like a child and refusing to hear Izuku out. Jo-Elle was right. I knew better. Instead, I used the pillar as barrier between us like it would offer me some sort of protection as he stood in front of me.

"I don't know what happened back there, and I know you're upset... but please let me explain-"

"How could you?" My voice cracked but I refused to shed tears over this. It was my fault this was happening. I had dug my own grave and now I had to lie in it. "Do you have any idea how hurt I am right now? You let me go on and on about you. You've seen me send you pictures of you in your costume asking who this hero was. Was it funny? Did I stroke your ego with every compliment about how sexy I found your alter ego and then laugh about it with your friends afterwards?"

"No, of course not! When I told them, they said to tell you but I-"

"Oh, so your friends know about this but I'm the last to find out? You felt comfortable discussing our relationship in front of your friends but not your own girlfriend."

"That's not-! I didn't mean it like that," Izuku amended, only managing to shove that foot further into his mouth. "Everything's just... so messed up."

I couldn't bear to see his expression. I felt like if I saw it, I might forgive him, and I was too mad to just take back everything I had said. That was how my sister and mother always won the arguments back home. I had been the one to make them cry first and I always broke for them the instant I saw their tears. It was a weird empathy thing that I had. Even if I wasn't sad, put me in a room of crying people and I would burst into tears. It felt so manipulative and underhanded. How dare he use his tears to sway my emotions.

We both stood there in silence for several seconds, trading glances and glares with each other. Finally, Izuku spoke up. "...Why didn't you tell me about your mother? You could have told me it was this bad. I would have understood."

"Why? Because I'm sick of the looks of pity every time I talk about her and her cancer like it's this heavy thing, that I need to be taken care of. I don't need to be coddled like I'm some fucking child. I'm fine! Nothing has literally happened. Jo-Elle just literally told me that it was another false alarm like five seconds ago! This shit you're seeing right now is something normal that my sister and I experience on a regular basis. One person who didn't have experience with this saw it happen and overreacted! The only reason I told you about it was because I didn't want to lie to you about our date and have you to worry over nothing and give me that look that you're giving me now!" Izuku appeared horrified by my declaration, but it only made me dig in my heels that much harder. "It's bad enough that I had to leave work in the middle of my busiest day of the week at a job that I'm on thin ice with enough as it is, but I have to see you look at me like that too?!"

"...I know you can take care of yourself. Trust me, I get it. Not having a Quirk doesn't automatically make you helpless-"

I almost wanted to laugh. "...You think this is about me being upset with you because you know I'm Quirkless?" I could tell by Izuku's expression that he realized he had just said the exact wrong thing. Yet another detail he knew about me that he had kept from me. How had he found that out? I was so careful. Then I realized that it didn't matter. He didn't know me. He didn't know me at all. He was in a relationship with a lie, in love with only a fabrication of a girl, a fantasy. Now the curtain was pulled back, and he now saw what was underneath, and it was ugly. I knew what was really there in those Sacramento green eyes. Pity. That's all I was to him. A pity girlfriend. Even if he chose to stay with me after this, it would only be further proof of this fact. He was too kind to do anything less, to tell the truth to my face. It was ironic that his kindness had actually been cruelty all along. After all, what kind of person was willing to stay behind for someone so irrational and pathetic and just take their bullshit? That spoke more volumes of what kind of messed up person he actually was.

"You lied to me! On purpose! You had every chance to correct me when you found out, but you were too much of a coward to man up and say it to my face! What else haven't you told me to my face, I wonder? What else have you lied about? Do you even know All Might? Did you actually clean up that beach, or was that a line to make me feel sorry for you and make a business card for you?"

Was all of it a lie?

"I wasn't- I didn't-!" he argued, unable to find the right words to placate me. "I didn't want to embarrass you! By the time I found out you didn't know, we were well past the point of no return!"

"Oh so it's all my fault?" Tears were starting to prick at my eyes, the truth of his words hitting me with that all too familiar ring. I had no right to cry over something so stupid and petty. Be strong. Don't cry. Do not let him see you cry. "Sounds about right. I have absolutely no common sense when it comes to other people," I admitted ruefully, self-deprecation and self-hatred rising fast to the surface. After all, what sort of sane person willing helps another person rescue jellyfish on the beach, knowing that it ruin their clothes and bring sand into the house? What sort of person charges in and nearly starts a bar fight with a stranger with no regard to their safety? What sort of horrible, broken person yells inside a hospital and argues with her boyfriend when he comes to support her? "Well you know what? Screw you! I'm not going to let you make me feel bad about this! I have every reason to be upset right now-" I turned and yelled back towards the ER entrance, "-and I can damned well yell if I want to!"

Not seconds later, a figure in a dark blue police uniform was walking briskly by the entrance and stopping in front of me. "(Miss, please no yell. You)-"

"Oh knock it off with your broken English! I can understand you just fine!" I snarled at the rent-a-cop. In my head, I knew I was just being hysterical and irrational and picking a fight at this point, but I couldn't stop. My hormones wouldn't stop, raging into overdrive and flinging a complex set of emotions at me. I was just sick of it. All of it.

"Ma'am, you need to calm down, or we're going to have to escort you off the premise," said a security guard who had been called over by the noise. My eyes flicked towards the authority figure with a shrewd level of scrutiny, already accessing if I could take him or not and if he was worth the effort.

"Calm down yourself! What am I going to do? I'm Quirkless! What the hell am I going to do to you?" I laughed in disbelief, my chest shuddering for air before I realized with regret that I had taken it too far. "Don't touch me! I'm already leaving," I snarled at the security officer the instant he tried to come close to me. I backed off, trying to come off as less confrontation as I stepped back from the door, tightly wrapping my arms around me.

Then I met Izuku's eyes, those gorgeous green eyes that had me spellbound from the moment I had met him, looking at me with such pity and sorrow that I could feel nothing but contempt for the guilt they made me feel. "Oh don't you dare give me that look! This is all your fault! If you'd just told me from the beginning, we wouldn't be having this discussion right now!"

He said nothing. Only continued to give me that look, the one that had me wanting to collapse onto my knees on the ground and hug him to my chest and whisper dozens of apologies, that I didn't mean it and wanted to take everything back in a way that made him want to stay. I wanted him to stay, and yet I wanted him to go.

This was why I didn't want to talk about it. This was the reason why I didn't want to bring him into my shitty shit-show involving my family drama with cancer, because now he knew. Now he knew how much of a terrible person that I was and just how fucked up I was. I could see that his face, twisted in hurt and agony, like I had just stabbed him in the back and twisted the knife, and that hypocrisy and play for my sympathy only fueled my anger.

"Don't you dare fucking cry over this! You don't get to cry over this, so suck it up!" My breath hitched on the last sentence, the words I heard and had told myself over the years anytime I didn't want my enemies to see me cry, now gasping for air as my throat started to close up. I sniffed back the well of tears that began damming up behind my eyelids, nose already starting to run, but I refused to let them fall. I wasn't weak! I wasn't! I stood there for several moments, silently glaring at him as if it was enough to will him into stop making that face. That face that looked like he wasn't even crying for himself anymore.

"Get out."

"A-Alyssa..." he managed, voice broken and choked by tears. I stomped my foot and yelled with all the fury of a dragonborn.

"LEAVE!"

That seemed to shock him enough to take a step back. His shoulders dropped, eyes downcast and lip quivering as they pressed together in an effort to hold back anything more he wanted to say. He looked back one more time, resembling an abused puppy that had been kicked one too many times, before walking through the parking lot. I stood there for several minutes, shaking and fighting for breathe as I focused on breathing in and out, just standing there, numb to everything, even the passage of time. Then, I turned around and immediately fled to the first restroom I could find.


Author's Note: ...References today are Carrie, Monsters Inc, Pokemon, and Skyrim. Upon reflection, Alyssa yelling at Izuku towards the end also gave me vibes of Kyo running away from Tohru when she saw his true form when she suspects he knows about her mental disorder, along with some vibes with Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender yelling at the Gaang to leave, and Beast yelling at Belle for being in the West Wing in Disney's 1992 Beauty and the Beast.