Chapter Five: Insight

Chisa always found herself impressed with Jin-e's physique. When he was at their home in Shiga, he was either training with his swords, doing physical labor, or finding new ways to exercise. When he stood or moved, you could see every muscle in its place, as if he was a statue or textbook example of human anatomy. He generally hid this beneath a yukata and a bodysuit, but even so it was difficult to ignore. She often felt a sense of embarrassment or inadequacy about herself by comparison. Jin-e tried to ease her concerns, but often did so by laughing and explaining that not everyone could look like he did without the experiences that he had. He was never cruel to Chisa about this, but certainly had no qualms about inflating his own ego in his older years.

Chisa was a solid cook, but he often requested the same meals over and over once he determined something was best suited for his training. A meal of miso soup, rice, lean fish, and a seasonal vegetable was standard. He greatly preferred fall and winter, due to daikon radishes being harvested. His wife found a number of ways to fix them, most of which he enjoyed. Not all, but most. These all helped contribute to a body that made him perfectly designed for killing.

For Jin-e, his status as a hitokiri was a profitable one. He took on a job or two a month and spent very little. They lived in a farmhouse in the mountains near Shiga prefecture, isolated from other houses and farms. Should a rogue wanderer happen onto the house, they would find a farmer and his wife who would often treat them to a meal and send them on their way. Chisa did, however, suspect that some wanderers disappeared by mysterious circumstances either before or after making their way to their home.

In a large cellar area, Jin-e had developed a training ground of sorts for himself where he could work on agility exercises and his swordsmanship. He prided himself not only in how strong he was, but fast as well considering his height and musculature. Chisa would sometimes watch him train, if only for something to break the monotony of her day. When he was home, things were lively at least. When he was away, however, her days were filled with worry.

When he was away, Jin-e would travel at night and without his characteristic black hat in view. He often would find a quiet inn to lay low and prepare for the work he had ahead of him. He would draft a letter to send to his target announcing his intent and have it delivered, and then wait for the time to come to strike. In the later years of his life, Kurogasa had become his primary personality. It took him no time to get into that headspace. The bloodlust would come on the moment he was alone in his room writing. It was like a fever. You could easily see his eyes turning black. Any thoughts of his past, or his family, or the memories of Udo Jin-e were gone and replaced only by how he can satisfy his need to see the deep red soaking the walls, and to smell the rusty iron scent, and to hear the cries of those being butchered.

After he had claimed his target, he would return to the inn and bask in the post-kill high for a few days. He had to hold his own mouth closed to keep from laughing sometimes. Then slowly, very slowly he would come down. He would still be gleeful, but the itch had been scratched for another couple of weeks anyway. He could begin to see Chisa's face again, and think of old sad stories, or daikon radishes; benign things that have nothing to do with the murders he had just committed. He would pack up his things, hide the old black hat again, thank the gracious innkeeper and return home to Shiga to a wife who did not know if he had lived or died.

For Chisa, the time when Jin-e was away was not restorative as it was for him. She still had to do her chores, but then also had to keep up with the gardening and physical labor jobs that Jin-e would typically do when he was at home. All of these things and more to generally distract herself from thinking about the poor people who could be falling victim to her husband. Well, not her husband in her mind anyway. Chisa's mind did a fine job of separating the work of Kurogasa (to whom she did not feel married) from her husband Udo Jin-e. This wasn't a healthy mindset for her, and it wasn't a fair mindset to the victims, but it was her coping mechanism. Her husband's job was to protect her and he was often away from home to do that.

She did not wish ill on others, and truly had no political affiliations as both sides had flaws that she could not see past. Kurogasa was an opportunistic hitokiri with no loyalty to either side and this seemed to trickle down to Chisa on a micro scale. She did light candles at a shrine near her house for the victims of Kurogasa, one of her insignificant acknowledgments of her role in the suffering of others.

The first day when Jin-e would return from a job, she could immediately tell if he had been gone long enough. He would be relaxed and almost tired if he had taken enough time to de-escalate. She would draw him a bath and sit with him in it as she told him about how her week was. She never asked about his and he never said. After the bath, she would have dinner prepared (something not unlike what is described above) and they would sometimes reminisce or make small talk. Night time would generally involve nearly silent lovemaking, after which they would both smoke a cigarette and fall asleep.

If Kurogasa was the one who returned, he sometimes would not have even taken the time to change his bloody clothes. His black eyes would glint in the sun as he approached. His movements were snake-like, raising and lowering his head to get a better look at her. He laughed loudly and would often slaughter some of their livestock on the spot to cook. Chisa's spotless kitchen would be spattered with blood. She knew very little about what happened after that because she would already have a bag packed ready to go stay with her sister who lived about an hour horseback ride from their house. She could hear him laughing as she rode away. These were the more terrifying moments of her life. She would return either after three days or until Jin-e himself fetched her from her sister's house.

These were things that ran through Chisa's mind as she opened up Jin-e's body bag.