Chapter Six: Grief

After taking a breath of rotten, stale air, Chisa began to unbutton the bag that she knew held her dead husband.

She first saw his graying hair, once brown many years ago when they first met. Then his face came into view; his eyes still open, rolled back, and sinking into their sockets. They no longer carried the bloodlust black that denoted Kurogasa. She opened the bag as far as his chest where she saw the fatal injury he had inflicted upon himself. Chisa did not flinch at the wound but touched it lightly, not expecting the blood to be as dry as it was. It seemed like such a brief time ago that she and Jin-e had been sitting at the farmhouse together discussing the upcoming season for crops and what livestock needed to be purchased for spring or how her sister was pregnant by a man who certainly wasn't her husband. Chisa kissed his cold, gray forehead and buttoned the bag back up. She walked out of the room and into the main area where the operator was standing. "I will return tomorrow evening for the remains. I will pay what I owe then." She said as she walked back out the door to where Kenshin stood.

The walk back to the Kamiya Dojo was as quiet as the walk to the police station. Chisa would never admit that she was in shock at seeing her husband's corpse, but had no defense in her favor. It was simply something no person could prepare themselves for.

Roughly two hours had passed and the others had scattered a bit. Sanosuke remained napping by the fire, but Yahiko had gone off to practice and Kaoru had cleaned up the sake cups from earlier. She quickly greeted them when they returned. "Well, what happened?" She asked intently.

"We were able to get the pocket watch as well as Jin-e's body. We will consider those victories for the time being." Kenshin looked at Chisa, who nodded in return.

Chisa returned to where she had been sitting previously and opened her bag where she had stashed the watch. She opened the cover and touched the engraving. A tear fell on the face of the watch, then another. She didn't even realize she had begun to cry when suddenly the weight of her situation hit her. She gasped and covered her mouth. The tears streamed down her face and she began gasping for air. Kenshin and Kaoru both flinched at the parallel of how this seemed to be Jin-e's influence. The pair ran to Chisa's side, and Kaoru lightly touched her back. Chisa gasped again and began weeping loudly, leaning into Kaoru. "I, I, I am so so sorry." The tears were wetting the watch and Kenshin moved it back to the bag. "It could have been either of you in that repulsive room and it would have been my fault."

Kaoru wasn't certain what room she was talking about but assumed it was the morgue. She continued to feel an air of distrust of the woman who loved such a wretched man, but she still felt tears of empathy streaming down her own face. She grabbed the grieving widow's hand. Sanosuke had been awoken by this time and looked at Kenshin uncomfortably, who gave him a glance that said "maybe you should leave." Sano nodded towards the door and went inside to where Yahiko was going through his exercises.

Chisa slowly regained composure and squeezed Kaoru's hand. "Thank you…" she whispered, "truly thank you. I thought I was stronger than this."

"Strength doesn't mean not grieving…when my father died, I didn't know how I would go on but I knew I had to be strong for him and his memory." Kaoru released Chisa's hand and gripped her own kimono. This time Chisa patted Kaoru. Kenshin wished he would have stepped inside with Sano. He grabbed the tea kettle and went to refresh the tea.

The women sat in silence for a moment that seemed to go on indefinitely. Kaoru stood, "I'm going to help Kenshin with the tea really quickly. Will you be ok by yourself?"

"Yes, that won't be a problem." She was grateful for a moment of solitude.

Kaoru followed Kenshin and grabbed a canister of loose tea. He turned around and looked at her with calm, gentle eyes. He wasn't going to miss this opportunity to finally express his gratitude for her.

"Kaoru-dono, this one cannot express enough how thankful he is for you. It may have already been said, but if it weren't for you, Battosai may have…" he trailed off. "Just thank you. For that, for a place to sleep, and even for your meals that you cook for all of us." Kenshin smiled warmly.

"Well, thank you. I…don't really know what to say…Things have been too quiet since I lost my father. You, Yahiko, and Sanosuke have made my home so much more lively again. But you…" Kaoru knew she had more to say to Kenshin than Yahiko and Sano. She wasn't sure if now was the time, but seeing someone who has just experienced great loss had her in a particular type of mindset.

"This one should go fix tea for Chisa-dono." He smiled and touched Kaoru's hand.

When they returned outside, Chisa had regained her composure and was sitting with her hands in her lap.

"So, Kenshin-san, how did a hitokiri, or former hitokiri if you prefer, come to live in a dojo where a life-giving philosophy is taught? You were the most notorious of them all and yet here you are living a humble, almost gentle life. It's such a vast comparison to what I would have anticipated when I heard the name Himura Battosai."

"Well," Kenshin paused and thought of his moment of transition between his life as a hitokiri to his life as a rurouni and now to a more domesticated life. He knew the question she was asking was actually "How did you turn out like this when Jin-e never could?" He had to answer carefully. "I…"

"I'm sorry, that may be too private a question to ask. I don't mean to pry." Chisa added. Kenshin was grateful he didn't have to answer.

Kaoru was a little disappointed that Kenshin didn't answer the question, but understood that there are just certain things in one's past that lead you to where you are. If Kenshin wasn't ready to share then that is only fair to him. Overall, they had not known each other very long.

Sano and Yahiko rejoined the group outside and sat down. "We didn't miss anything did we?" Yahiko popped into the conversation.

"Not at all." Chisa smiled. She really had a soft spot for him. He was a little spitfire.

"I suppose I am back to thirty years ago now. This is when we reconnected, more against Jin-e's will than anything. I can be persistent." She laughed.

Kenshin poured everyone tea as they settled in for the next story.