A/N: Hi!

From what we saw in the last chapter, Ed is determined to speak frankly with Rose, but how will she take it? And how will Ed handle the conversation considering that emotionally he hasn't been having a very good time in the last few days? What will happen with Eddie? Well, it's time to find out... Oh and as a preview (or slight spoiler?) in the next chapter, we will have Ed and Winry once again face to face.

Thank you all for reading!

Golden


That train ride from East City to Central had probably been the worst Ed had ever had in his life. Unlike the complaints of his younger self, the reasons for his discomfort were completely different. Now there was no physical discomfort but this time it was purely and simply about his heart and the emotions that haunted him the entire ride.

No matter how much he closed his eyes, shook his head, or tried to read a book he never got past the first page, the image of Winry would not be erased from his mind. How he wished he had never had to be separated from her. Yet amid all his pain his mind kept reminding him that it had been the best decision to let Winry be happy as she so richly deserved. Perhaps initially she had not agreed with his decision but in the end, she must have accepted it because she did not go after him, as he selfishly came to think at one point that she would.

That's how he spent much of the ride but as the distance to Central grew shorter and shorter his mind began to make more and more room for Rose forming a knot in his stomach. He had never been good with words and now he had to go and break up with her and not only that, he had to tell her that the reason for that break up was because he had cheated on her. So within his whirlwind of emotions guilt also had its place because as much as he didn't regret doing what he did with Winry it wasn't as if he didn't feel guilt for having ended up playing with Rose's feelings as Al had warned him so much.

His anxiety and guilt peaked when the train pulled into Central Station. Passengers began to exit and Ed lingered there for a couple of minutes lost in thought and trying to buy himself a little extra time but, when he realized that the bustle of people descending had almost completely subsided, he sighed heavily, grabbed his suitcase and exited the train ready to face his fate.

The walk to Rose's house passed virtually unregistered in Ed's brain making it so that when he was finally fully aware of the world around him he was already standing in front of Rose's door, realizing until that moment that it was already dusk.

Ed rested the suitcase at his feet and inhaled deeply before giving the door a couple of knocks. He obviously had a key to the house but didn't want to use it since he didn't feel deserving of any kind of privilege from Rose.

It didn't take long for Rose to open the door. The rag in her hands fell to the floor as soon as she realized who was on the other side of the door since it didn't take long for her to throw herself at Ed.

"Ed! I'm so glad you're here. We missed you so much. How was your maintenance? Has Al already left for Xing? How's Winry?" Rose said quickly with obvious excitement and then began to deposit a couple of kisses on Ed's cheeks, without the young man being able to help it.

Just as she was about to deposit a kiss on his lips, Ed pushed her away by placing his hands on her shoulders. The young man exhaled heavily and said to her. "Rose, we need to talk."

Rose let out a gasp of surprise and was quiet for a few seconds. Within her excitement of realizing it was Ed knocking on the door, she hadn't seen his face closely and now she could. The young man looked somewhat pale, marked bags rested under his eyes and his eyes... his usually bright golden orbs now lacked any hint of sparkle and looked haunted.

As the seriousness of Ed's face registered in Rose's mind, she tried to bring a hand to his cheek, asking him. "What happened, Ed?"

However, Ed avoided the touch of her hand having stopped her by grabbing her wrist. Without changing his expression, he said. "Seriously, Rose, I need to talk to you. Now."

Rose bit her lower lip before replying. "Okay."

Rose turned and took a couple of steps forward as Ed picked up his suitcase and entered the house but as soon as he did so a new set of quick footsteps made themselves heard and a moment later Eddie appeared from the top of the stairs to shortly after arrive and hug Ed's waist.

"Ed! Hi!" The boy exclaimed cheerfully.

Ed swallowed to clear the lump in his throat and struggled to crack a slight smile. "Hey, buddy."

Eddie pulled away slightly so he could look Ed in the face. A slightly puzzled expression passed over his face as he realized that something wasn't quite right with Ed's expression but he quickly adopted a cheerful tone as he couldn't help the joy that Ed's return was causing him. "I'm so glad you're already here! I thought you'd forgotten about us by now. Took you long enough." He said with a pouty face. "Yesterday was my school's sporting event and I wanted you to go." He added with some sadness.

Ed ruffled the boy's hair. "I'm sorry, Eddie. I didn't mean to miss it."

Eddie smiled. "Well, at least you're here now." He released him and jumped up and down in excitement. "Now we can get on with the alchemy lessons, can't we?"

Ed smiled sadly at him. "I'm sorry, Eddie, but that's not going to be possible."

"But-"

"Eddie, Ed, and I need to talk." Rose interjected with a confused and worried expression on her face. "Go to your room, please."

"But, Mom..." Eddie complained as he hugged Ed once more.

"Eddie, please." Seeing the boy cling even tighter to the young man, Rose added. "If you don't there will be no dessert for you, mister."

Eddie eventually relented so he reluctantly pulled away from Ed backing up a couple of steps. "Well, after dinner then?" Eddie asked hopefully.

Ed bit his lower lip before answering. "Go to your room, Eddie, please."

Ed's evasiveness surprised Rose and Eddie but before the boy could insist any further, Rose took him by the hand and begrudgingly directed him to his room.

"I'll be right back, in the meantime make yourself comfortable, Ed." Rose said with a smile trying to hide her growing concern.

Ed nodded and went to the living room, sitting down in a single armchair.

A short time later Rose peeked into the living room. "Would you prefer tea or coffee?" She asked kindly.

Ed shook his head. "I don't want anything, Rose. Please come." He said gesturing with his head to the armchair next to him.

Feeling her heart racing, Rose moved closer with a hand on her chest. Sitting down she placed her hands on her knees and, after a few moments of silence, began to fiddle with the bottom edge of her skirt. Then she looked him in the eye and asked. "Are you mad at me, Ed? Did I do something wrong?"

Ed's eyes widened in surprise. "Huh? No! Not at all."

"Then..." She bit her lower lip. "What's wrong? You're acting very strange."

Ed inhaled deeply, closed his eyes for a moment, and then said. "Rose, I'm leaving the house." It may not have been the best way to start the conversation but Ed wanted to cushion the blow as much as possible since he knew it would be painful for Rose to learn what had happened these past few days.

Now it was Rose's turn to open her eyes wider. "What? But why? Did you get reassigned?" She asked with obvious sadness in her voice.

Ed shook his head, feeling the guilt intensify as he saw Rose's sad expression. "I have to get out of here, Rose. I can't stay here anymore after what I did, and that also means..." He inhaled deeply and stared into her eyes. "That we have to break up."

Rose's eyes grew bright with tears that were beginning to threaten to spill over. "But, Ed, I love you and I'm so happy to have you here with me and Eddie. There is no reason for you to have to look elsewhere when you are more than welcome here. Or tell me, haven't I shown you how much I enjoy having you here?"

Ed took her hand. "It's nothing you've done, Rose. You're a good woman with a big heart." He squeezed her hand. "You don't deserve what I did to you."

Rose bit her lower lip. "What do you mean, Ed?"

Ed stared into her eyes. It was the least he owed her, to look her in the eye to tell her straight up how badly she had failed him as a mate. "I cheated on you. I... I slept with someone else."

Rose paled as a lone tear escaped her. She ducked her head and after a few seconds, without letting go of Ed's hand, she said. "With Winry, right?"

Ed was surprised. "What? How do you know-?" The young man was interrupted when Rose looked up again with a sad smile on her lips.

"I've long suspected it but didn't want to accept it. After the night of the Gala, I thought I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore."

Ed sighed and brought his automail hand towards Rose's to hold it with both of his. "I'm sorry, Rose. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I really care for you very much and I tried to fall in love with you, but I just couldn't." He sighed. "I love Winry. I have for many years and initially, I came intending to win her love but when I found out she was engaged I had to resign myself to not being able to do it. And... it was then that I thought I could give myself a chance to be happy with you, to fall in love with you but it was idiotic of me to do it the way I did, and at the time I did it because a part of me was aware that it would be almost impossible to get Winry out of my heart, and yet I ended up dragging you into this relationship with no future. You don't know how sorry I am, Rose. I was an idiot and you're the last person who deserved to have to go through this."

Rose was quiet for a few moments before she said. "If you know Winry is engaged then why...? How did you two...?" Rose didn't finish the questions but for Ed there was no need for her to do so.

Ed let go of her hand so he could run his hands over his face before answering. "Because I'm an idiot. I couldn't hold back anymore. I intended to stay away from her and I couldn't, I ended up doing the complete opposite." He let out a bitter laugh. "I can't do a damn thing right."

Rose was quiet for a few moments before speaking after sighing. "I guess you and Winry are more alike than you think." Ed looked at her with an intrigued expression on his face. "I'm sure she's had a crush on you all this time too. Obviously, I didn't ask her directly because... well you know I'm in love with you and I don't think it would have sat very well with me to hear her say it. That way I could fool myself that maybe when you came back, I'd have a chance with you." She cracked a sad smile. "But it still wasn't hard to realize that she was in love with you. When she started dating Russell I thought she had grown out of it..." She clenched her hands that she kept on her knees into fists." ...But now I realize that she didn't and that I was the one who tried her best to ignore and disregard the glances she was giving you when she was working on your automail." She looked him in the eye. "After all, her glances were very similar to the ones you were giving her..."

Ed felt a new surge of guilt at Rose's words, knowing that he hadn't even been able to hide his true feelings from her. "You're a wonderful woman, Rose. Really. However, I shouldn't have started a relationship with you knowing that my heart already had an owner."

Rose was quiet for a few moments before speaking again. "And Winry... with this is she still engaged?"

"Yes."

Rose couldn't hide her shocked expression. "But what about Russell? Hasn't he heard about what you two did?"

Ed exhaled heavily. "It's a long story."

After a brief recounting of Russell's accident, Rose spoke again. "Oh, my goodness. Thank heavens Russell's okay."

"Yes." There was a brief pause between the two before Ed found what words to say. "There's no way I can finish apologizing to you for what I did but for the moment the best I can do is walk out of your life." With that said he tried to stand up but Rose stopped him by holding his wrist in her hands.

"Wait, Ed." Rose held his wrist and stood with her head down before asking. "Are you... are you going over to Winry's?"

Ed couldn't help his sad tone. "No. I have no place in her life."

Rose lifted her head. She looked at him for a few seconds before saying. "Then don't go. Stay with me."

Ed was surprised. "But what are you saying, Rose? How can you want me around after what I did to you?"

"Because I love you." Rose replied immediately and with a slight blush on her cheeks.

Ed pulled Rose's hands away from his wrist so he could hold them with his own hands. "Rose, I already told you. You're a very precious friend to me but I'm not in love with you."

Rose's eyes began to spill the tears she had been holding back all this time. "I know, Ed, but I don't give up hope that one day you will fall in love with me. We just have to give each other a chance okay?"

Ed shook his head. "I'm sorry, Rose, I can't do that to you. You deserve a man who will love you deeply and not one who probably never will and who will only end up hurting you more than I already have."

"I don't care, Ed, I really don't care. I'm willing to take the risk. I've enjoyed your company so much during this time and if there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that I don't want to have to break up with you. I can't tell you that it doesn't hurt me to hear you say that you don't love me but I'm not giving up. With some time I can make you fall in love with me. I don't care how long it takes. I just want you to stay by my side. Please." Rose begged him.

"I can't do that to you, Rose. It would hurt me too much to be the cause of your unhappiness. I feel guilty enough about what I did to you to risk hurting you anymore. You deserve so much better, Rose. Please understand." With one last apologetic look, Ed got up and headed for the master bedroom feeling a heaviness in his heart that was augmented by Rose's sobs that he could hear most of the way.

Not caring to be careful with his belongings, Ed stuffed as best he could all his things into the suitcase he had brought with him to East City, trying to do it as quickly as possible. Once he managed to do so, he left the room but before going down the stairs, temptation overcame him so he decided to quietly approach Eddie's room which was located beyond the beginning of the stairs.

Trying to move slowly so as not to be detected, Ed opened the door just enough to get a glimpse of the boy. It had only been a few months but Ed had grown very fond of Eddie. He was a very cheerful and curious boy who had brightened up the heavy days of recovery and had even made him enjoy alchemy again instead of seeing it as the cause of many of his problems. At first, he didn't think it possible but one day he realized that he was looking forward to the next lesson he would give the boy as the excitement with which Eddie showed him his progress or his insistence for him to answer his questions even reminded him of the times when Al and he were learning alchemy with his father's books and, some time later, with his sensei.

But outside of alchemy, the boy also had a very kind soul that reminded him of Al. During his recovery Eddie always looked for ways to make him laugh and make his rest time enjoyable, telling him a thousand and one stories of his adventures at school and looking at him with admiration and curiosity when Ed shared with him some memories of his childhood, of his travels as a state alchemist or even, trying to leave the bad parts out, telling him about things he had seen in the other world, of course telling him that they were things from another country so he wouldn't have to tell him about the whole mess that the Portal of Truth entailed.

Eddie was always the first to greet him when he came home from work with a huge smile and a hug, making Ed forget the stress that work could cause him as he was engulfed by the undeniable affection of Eddie, who always showed his affection in every possible way.

Through the small gap in the door, Ed observed Eddie. The boy was lying on the floor of his room with his back to the door, a couple of books surrounded him while his head was resting on one of them, the image being crowned by several sheets of paper scattered around him which were scribbled with some mathematical operations of the school and, of course, some alchemical symbols.

Quietly, Ed walked into the room and squatted down next to the boy. A sad smile tugged at his lips as a tear ran down his cheek. How he wished he had not made the mistake of having started his relationship with Rose as he had. Had he not done so perhaps he could have remained a friend of the family so that he could continue to occasionally enjoy Eddie's pleasant company but now it was too late. There was no way to remedy his mistakes.

Allowing himself a few moments to regulate his breathing, Ed gently ran his hand over the boy's head. Noticing that Eddie seemed to have surrendered to his school day, Ed decided to carry him and then lay him on his bed. Even if it broke his heart, he wanted to say goodbye to Eddie and apologize to him but he didn't want to wake him up, especially when a slight smile seemed to have formed on his lips as Ed ran his hand over his head once more as he settled him on his bed. Besides, waiting for him to wake up was not an option. He couldn't stay in that house any longer.

After a couple of minutes of hesitation, Ed leaned over the boy, kissed his forehead, and then murmured to him. "I'm sorry, buddy."

He didn't want to say goodbye to Eddie like that, but he didn't want to ruin his rest when waking him up would bring sadness and, if he was honest with himself, Ed was emotionally drained. That didn't mean he would disappear from the boy's life just like that, but his tentative goodbye and explanation would have to wait a bit. If Rose allowed him to, he would go pick Eddie up from school and talk to him or, failing that, call him or write him a letter. He didn't want to get away from him or Rose but she would have to decide how much she would allow him to interact with them in the future since with all the damage he had caused, Ed had no right to ask anything more of them.

Carefully Ed left the room, closed the door, and headed for the stairs, noticing Rose standing at the bottom of them. The young woman's crying had been controlled somewhat but was still there.

"How did Eddie take it?" Rose said to him as soon as the two met at the foot of the stairs. She looked up expecting to see her son appear before returning her gaze to Ed, placing a hand on the stair rail and taking a tentative step toward the first step. "I think I should go see him."

"Wait." Ed sighed before continuing. "I didn't get to say goodbye to him. He fell asleep and I didn't want to wake him. I know I can't ask anything of you but if it were possible I'd like to see him one day after school to properly say goodbye to him."

Rose turned a shaky smile on him. "You don't need my permission for that, I know how much Eddie loves you and I know that..." She refocused her gaze on the top of the stairs and bit her lower lip before adding. "I know Eddie is going to miss you so much." She said as new tears escaped her eyes.

"I know." Ed replied feeling a pang in his heart.

Rose wiped the tears from her cheeks and inhaled deeply before saying. "You know, I always wished Eddie was your biological son, I know you would have been a wonderful father and together we could have been a happy family." She paused slightly to control her increasingly shaky voice. "But at least during these months, I was very happy for both just being by your side and thinking about the possibility that maybe one day you would become Eddie's adoptive father because you two have created a beautiful bond and you do seem like father and son."

Ed closed his eyes squeezing them tightly shut. He had avoided giving that thought entrance but now that Rose had told him that, he couldn't help but feel that, in a way, he was doing the same thing Hohenheim had done with him and Al. Even though he had gone through several much more painful moments throughout his life, he would never forget the feeling of abandonment and resentment that came from Hohenheim's decision to abandon his family. They were similar thoughts to the ones he had had when he had abandoned Noah for a few days and they had finally brought him back to her. Maybe Eddie wasn't his son but it seemed that he had begun to see him as such or at least it was seeming that way to him at the moment considering how fond he had become of the boy. So... was that why he was getting the feeling that he was about to make the same mistake of abandoning his loved ones?

Noticing the doubt and the slight trembling of Ed's jaw, Rose put a hand on his shoulder. "If not for me, at least try for Eddie. I want us to be happy. The three of us together."

Ed opened his glistening eyes from held back tears. "I told you I can't do that to you, Rose."

With tears continuing to run down her cheeks, Rose said. "It's okay, Ed, seriously. I'm willing to take that risk. There's nothing for you to worry about because I'm the one deciding to go down this path. I'm simply asking you to give me a chance to prove to you that we really can make a family." Her voice faltered momentarily. "Please don't go."

He had heard Rose's request before but on this occasion the repetition of her words made him reach his breaking point. The jealousy and disappointment he had felt on learning that Winry was engaged, the pain and uncertainty of thinking of walking away from her forever, the intense love he could live unbridled beside Winry, and the subsequent pain and suffering caused by the realization that he and Winry could never be together came to him all at once adding to the immense guilt and pain he felt for having betrayed Rose's kindness and love and for trying to leave Eddie behind. For years he had experienced loneliness and depression knowing himself in an unfamiliar world with no apparent possibility of returning home. He had lived so many years without Winry or Al by his side and even without the company of Hohenheim or Alfons that he had even forgotten what it was like to have a home. And Rose... Rose was offering him just that. A home and a family that would welcome him warmly and joyfully. That would make him forget the loneliness and suffering of not having a place to return to. He had never thought that he would end up living next to Rose but he had spent some pleasant months in her and Eddie's company so, almost without realizing it, he had become accustomed to that life. And now that he had to leave it all behind... he didn't want to. He was tired of losing everything he cared about, of leaving behind what he wanted in order to do what was apparently the right thing. He was simply exhausted.

With all that pile of emotions he had been dragging around since he had to separate from Winry, a few tears escaped Ed. "I can't do that to you, Rose. I can't... no, more like I shouldn't."

"Why shouldn't you, Ed? You're not forcing anything on me, I'm the one who doesn't want to let go of you."

"Because-"

"Mom? Ed? What's going on?"

Eddie's innocent but concerned voice interrupted the conversation between the young adults causing them both to turn to look at the boy standing at the top of the stairs.

"It's nothing, Eddie. Go back to-"

Ed placed his free hand on Rose's shoulder. When the young woman was interrupted and turned to look at him, he shook his head, wiped away tears, and returned his gaze to the boy. "Eddie, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it to be like this but there's something very important I have to tell you."

Eddie was quiet for a few seconds watching the two of them. When his gaze dropped slightly to focus on the suitcase Ed was holding, he grabbed the bottom edge of his t-shirt and said. "You're not leaving are you?"

The obvious sadness in his tone of voice brought a lump to Ed's throat, who couldn't regain his speech before Eddie spoke again.

"It's not true... it can't be." Tears began to roll down the boy's cheeks. "Why? it's not fair!" Having said this Eddie ran down the stairs, ignoring his mother's exclamations of surprise and concern, until he reached Ed to hug him tightly, causing the young man to noisily drop his suitcase. "Don't go, Ed, I'll be good and I won't take up any more of your time with alchemy stuff but don't go."

Quickly Ed bent down so he could hug Eddie tightly as he ran a hand through his hair. "What do you say, Eddie? I enjoy spending time with you. Too much."

Eddie buried his teary face in the blond's chest. "Then why are you leaving...I don't understand... I want you to stay... I love you very much... so... why? Don't you like being with us?"

Eddie's every word cut into Ed's heart like a knife causing him to no longer be able to hold back tears so he just squeezed the boy with all his might striving to overcome the ever-tightening lump in his throat.

"Eddie..."

"Mom is happy with you and I like to see her happy. Besides I'm happy having you both too." His voice cracked momentarily before he continued. "If you don't like teaching me alchemy that's fine, let's drop it. I'm very happy just having you with us in the house... so..."

"It's not that, Eddie..." Ed replied in a shaky voice.

"So...?" Eddie couldn't continue as by that point his sobs had become louder and more frequent so he merely pulled slightly away from Ed to look into his eyes.

Ed was lost for a few seconds watching those innocent, sparkling eyes full of affection directed at him. How could he do that to him? If Winry's future was already decided and Rose still loved him despite his mistakes, why couldn't he allow himself for this one time to embrace the home and warmth that Rose and Eddie offered him? He was tired of condemning himself to a life of loneliness. He had had more than enough.

At his unexpectedly prolonged silence, Eddie asked. "Ed?" He said as he wiped his nose with one hand.

Ed looked into those bright eyes for a couple more seconds convinced of the decision he was about to bring into shape. "Who said anything about leaving?" Ed told him in a shaky voice but with a slight sincere smile on his lips. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that Rose, who had stood a few feet away from them silently weeping at the scene she was witnessing, covered her mouth with one hand.

"But the suitcase-"

Ed wiped the boy's face with his shirt before drawing him back into his arms. "I couldn't leave my suitcase in East City, could I?"

Ed felt Eddie cling to him tighter. "But you were crying."

Ed raised his left hand slightly to rub the boy's head. "I just missed you guys so much."

After a few moments of Ed continuing to hug and rub Eddie's head to help him control the crying he'd caused, Ed lifted his gaze to Rose and extended his left arm. "I'm sorry, Rose. I'm really sorry."

For all response, Rose smiled hugely at him and heeded his gesture to join in the group hug. "Don't apologize, Ed, it's not necessary." She brought her face close to his to kiss him on the cheek and to take advantage of murmuring in his ear as quietly as possible to keep Eddie from hearing her. "Thank you for staying."

Rose's words and how she and Eddie clung to him added to the pain he had been feeling for a few days causing silent tears to spill from his eyes. "I don't deserve you two."

"Don't say that, Ed. Shh, easy. It'll be all right." Rose murmured to him as she deposited a couple of soft kisses on his cheek as she rubbed his back trying to soothe him.

Ed didn't respond opting to completely let out the tears he had tried his best to hold back as much as possible over the past few days though trying to control his body as much as possible so Eddie wouldn't notice that he couldn't stop crying.

His return to Amestris had not turned out as he had hoped but he was back after all. His brother was doing well, enjoying life and exploring the world, and although the time when they were together in everything Ed knew he could count on him for everything, and even now his militia friends were there to support him and have a good time together.

Good things had ended up happening to him on his return to Amestris but that did not mean that he could forget from one moment to the next the great desire of his heart to make his life next to Winry but now that that would not be possible... maybe he could rebuild his life next to Rose and Eddie. This time giving absolutely everything he had to make it work having taken what for him was a very important step: having spoken the truth to her despite how painful and difficult it had been. Certainly, a part of his mind was still aware that it wasn't right to go down that road after having cheated on Rose and not being sure he could even love her one day but he was tired of fighting and this time he would go with the flow of life.

Throughout their time together Winry had fallen in love with Russell so why couldn't he try the same with Rose? Winry would move on with her life and he had to do the same. This time he wouldn't have to struggle dealing with his feelings for Winry because while they would still be there he now knew it was a given that they couldn't be together so maybe that would give him a chance to give Rose her deserved place within his heart. He already cared for her and Eddie very much so now that they had laid their cards on the table it shouldn't be impossible to get to that future where he would end up falling in love with her. He probably wouldn't come to love her with the same intensity he loved Winry but at the end of the day every love was different, wasn't it?

Ed tightened his embrace with Rose and Eddie. If this is the path I have to follow, so be it.