Aunt Myself 2

"Speech"
'Thoughts'
"Bounty or Newspaper Headline"

AN: Realized I kinda fucked up the timeline a little as Robin saved Yamato when Odin was still alive for another two years. But just pretend she didn't and instead saved her a few months after.

The sponsor of today's chapter is Covid, causing me to be quarantined and have a whole lot more free time.

-]|[-

Sometimes it amazed Robin how much suffering could be averted with a simple snail call. Well, three calls if she wanted to be precise. Getting hold of Dragon was easy enough, and it turned out that Law still had the same Transponder Snail as he would in four years. Between a few promised favors, the meeting was set and a father would never have to be separated from his daughter. Now, she was just waiting for her guests to arrive.

As though summoned by her thoughts, a knock came at the door of the windowless building. An old warehouse wasn't an ideal meeting place, but it served its purpose, especially as it was relatively easy to install a large enough door. A conjured arm opened the door and in walked Bartholomew Kuma, the former king of Sorbet. In his gigantic arms was a relatively small wooden case. "Are you Jaguar Robin?" He asked. Robin smiled and answered in the affirmative, causing Kuma to open up the case, revealing a six-year-old girl. "I'm told you know a way to cure my daughter."

"Hiya!" Bonney cheerfully waved, "Daddy says you can cure me! I know I'll be all better by the time I turn ten, but it'd be great to get cured early!"

"Hello Bonney. Yes, we're actually waiting for the doctor to arrive. He should be here soon." This time, there was no knock. The person on the other side simply walked in unannounced. Thankfully, Bonney was shielded by her father's tremendous size. "And here he is now. Trafalgar Law, yes? Do close the door if you would, dear."

Law was younger than she had ever seen him. Only twenty, he didn't yet have his goatee and he was missing some of his tattoos. Though he still had what Zoro would have deemed "Resting bitch face". The pirate captain closed the door behind him. The woman before him was promising a lot so he'd at least offer minimal courtesy. "That's me. She the one?" He asked, gesturing towards Bonney with his sword. A mostly rhetorical question as he could see the sapphire scales on her face from where he stood. "An easy enough job. But what guarantees do I have that you'll uphold your end. Six years is a long time."

Robin's smile never wavered. "Do you believe your crew can currently do it?" Without waiting for an answer, she continued, "My crew will be setting sail in four years' time. From there, it will be two years until we can take down Doflamingo with you."

"Who's Doflamingo?" Bonney asked curiously.

Kuma inserted himself into the conversation before Law could offer a rebuttal, "Doflamingo of the Seven Warlords?" He bowed deeply to Law, "Please. If you cure my daughter, I will fight him myself. Anything for Bonney."

Law paused to consider that. Robin did have the higher bounty of the two but she seemed to be retired as far as the public was concerned, having kept out of the papers for nearly twenty years. But Kuma was known and feared for his ability. Having one or both on his side would considerably increase his odds of success against the man who stole his adoptive father from him. And as long as he'd waited, he could stand to wait a bit more; Doffy certainly wasn't going anywhere. "We've got a deal." A simple gesture from him and Bonney's face was suddenly blemish free. "I'll see you all when it's time."

-]|[-

"Doflamingo Executed: Marines Uncover Corruption and a Scheme Years in the Making. In a bold investigation, the Marines discovered that Donquixote Doflamingo had used his powers and influence to take over the Kingdom of Dressrosa, framing the previous king, King Riku III as a tyrant whom he saved them from. The former Warlord resisted arrest and the officers were forced to use lethal force in order to protect the people of Dressrosa," Robin read off the newspaper a mere week later. "Yes, I'm sure it was the marines who did it. I guess Kuma wasn't willing to wait to pay back Law. Though I do wonder how he managed to get them all." She paused as a thought occurred to her, "Was he already selling artificial Devil Fruits to Kaidō?"

Brook froze, his teacup halfway to his mouth. "Was who doing what?" He asked, certain that he had misheard the young woman sitting across from him at the table.

"Hm? Oh right, I never shared that tidbit, did I?" Robin remarked absently, "Doflamingo worked with Vegapunk's student Caesar Clown to create artificial Devil Fruits that they sold to Kaidō. Only Zoans though and only one in ten were even vaguely successful. Even then, it was completely random if you'd get something useful like a centaur body or if your feet would be replaced with backwards facing caiman."

Brook set down his teacup slowly before reaching into his suit for a flask and pouring a generous helping into his tea. "It's when you say things like this that I remember why you took time travel in stride, Miss Robin."

"To be fair, Lady Toki, the wife of the last shogun of Wano, was a time traveler too. Though she came from the distant past rather than the future."

"Of course she did."

-]|[-

In hindsight, Robin felt she should've seen it coming. In her original life, Yamato grew up reading about Oden's adventures and idolizing him until she halfway convinced herself she was Oden. In this life, Yamato still had those adventures to read but she'd also grown up hearing Robin tell stories of her crew from her old life. Naturally, her hero worship latched onto the Straw Hat crew. One figure in particular caught her adoration, especially after hearing how he "Punched out her stupid cow gorilla of a father" (Yamato's words, not Robin's). Yes, Robin should have seen this coming, but if she had, she wouldn't have stopped it. Because quite frankly, it was hilarious.

"I'm Monkey D. Luffy and I'm gonna be King of the Pirates!" Shouted two figures at once. One, a young man in a red vest and blue shorts. His messy black hair was covered by a straw hat that was even older than Robin herself. The other, a much taller woman with long white hair slowly fading to blue and a pair of red horns in the exact same outfit. The one difference being that her straw hat was much newer, only a decade or so old.

The young man turned and bared his teeth, "No, I'm Luffy!"

"But I'm Luffy too!" Yamato shouted back. The two butted heads, pressing against each other as they childishly growled.

At least, they did until a staff smacked both of them upside the head. "Give it a rest you two! You do this every day!" Their orange haired navigator growled in frustration at their antics. She'd been hearing it ever since she met them when they landed on the Conami Islands.

The second eldest member of their crew, after the talking skeleton (and hadn't that been something to get used to), offered up her own commentary from where she was relaxing with a book on the deck, "You know, if you two married, you'd be Mister and Missus Monkey D. Luffy." And thus Nami was reminded that for all Jaguar Robin had an absurdly high bounty on her head and seemed like a beautiful, dignified older woman, she was a chaos gremlin to her very core.

"Really, mom? Luffy, marry me!" Yamato shouted eagerly. This way they could both be Luffy.

Luffy scratched his head in confusion. "What's that mean?" Sometimes her crew really made Nami want to cry.

-]|[-

Bartolomeo stared up at what he knew to be a legend in the making. He was just a small-time mafia boss, but this? This man who so boldly declared that he would become the next Pirate King while standing where the previous one died? Clearly, this Monkey D. Luffy was destined for greatness. Next to him, his childhood friend, Desire had a look of equal amazement on her face. Both of them looked like delinquents with their open jackets, bare chests (minus Desire's sarashi), piercings, and brightly colored mohawks.

Their awe was interrupted by a cheerful laugh from next to Bartolomeo. Turning their heads, the two punks were surprised to see a woman who towered over them both wearing the same clothes as Luffy. "That's my husband for you," She called as she laughed at his antics.

"I'm sorry, did you say 'Your husband'?" Desire found herself asking.

The woman looked down at them curiously (seriously, Bart had never met a woman he didn't dwarf, never mind one who dwarfed him). "Yep!" She answered chipperly. "I'm Mrs. Monkey D. Luffy and Chief of Staff of the Straw Hat Pirates!" When they got wind of this information, the World Government would wonder why a crew of twelve people would even have a Chief of Staff.

Throwing caution to the wind and trying to seize the opportunity in front of them, Bart asked, "Are you guys recruiting?!"

-]|[-

"How did some no name, no bounty, weakling like you manage to wrangle a bad bitch like her?" Bellamy demanded of his latest victim. He'd already beaten the kid once for pissing him off, only for the idiot to make fake bounty posters then come back for another beating after Bellamy had stolen some gold from Jaya's resident idiot. Honestly, if he had just disappeared, Bellamy would have forgotten about him and only remembered the giant horned woman with the massive tits. But some people just never learn. Using his Devil Fruit, Bellamy began hopping all over Mock Town, building up incredible speed as he prepared to kill this upstart with one hit. "Come on, does a weakling like you even know how to throw a punch?!"

As Bellamy closed with him, Luffy glared straight for him and replied, "Do I know how to throw a punch?" With a single lightning-fast blow, he nearly caved the "Big Time Rookie's" skull in, cratering the ground with Bellamy's body.

As Bellamy's first mate, Sarkiss, shouted at him to "stop playing around", dozens of copies of the bounty poster they had earlier dismissed floated down from the sky. On each one was an image of Luffy and Yamato smiling broadly just after getting married. Underneath read, "Wanted Dead Or Alive. Straw Hat Luffy and Yamato the Ogre. 260,000,000." To be fair to Bellamy and his crew, it did seem unreal. The duo had damn near set a record for their first ever bounty, even if it was a double bounty. However, they had also slain Sir Crocodile and enlisted the holder of the highest starting bounty ever: Jaguar Robin.

-]|[-

Within his castle on Onigashima, Kaidō stared at the bounty poster in his hand. Ordinarily, he wouldn't care about some upstart's first bounty, regardless of how high it was. A pirate's first bounty usually came when they were either in the Blues or early in Paradise, neither one worth his notice. But this bounty poster's photograph contained an old memory, someone he thought long dead. Either this was a very convincing fraud or his idiot child had somehow faked her death eighteen years ago. He would find out regardless. "King," He addressed his most loyal and competent subordinate.

The lunarian looked up from where he had been waiting since delivering the poster. "Sir?"

"Send one of the Tobiroppo into Paradise to find these Straw Hat pirates and bring Yamato back to me."

"Should I have them bring the rest of the crew as well?"

That was a reasonable question. If this was Yamato, then at the very least, Straw Hat Luffy should be acceptably strong for her to marry him. Or perhaps his idiot child was just that sentimental as to marry someone for love of all things. "It doesn't matter," Kaidō decided, "Take them along if they're willing. Kill them if they try to refuse." There. If the Straw Hats were strong enough to bother with, then they would win. If they all died, then they weren't worth his time.

-]|[-

"You sure it's okay for me to eat this, Boss?" Desire asked again. In her hand was a green fruit that had been a mikan up until a couple hours ago. Now, it was some weird fruit that looked like blue bananas with swirling designs all over it, a sure sign that it had become a Devil Fruit. Technically, they didn't know for a fact that it was the one belonging to the man Luffy and Yamato had fought earlier, but if it wasn't, it was certainly an incredible coincidence for it to have formed so soon after his death.

Luffy shrugged carelessly, "Yeah. You said you wanted a Devil Fruit, Sanji said he wanted some Clean Clean Fruit, and no one else wants it. So why not you?" The redhead couldn't find any fault with his logic and quickly bit into the fruit. "Oh right," Luffy suddenly remembered, "It's gonna taste really nasty so-" He trailed off upon seeing Desire had definitely already found out.

Desperately wishing she could spit out the vilest tasting food she had ever eaten, Desire forced herself to chew enough to swallow it. If she spat it out, she'd just have to take another bite and she wasn't sure she could force herself to do that again. But damn if she didn't wish she had taken a smaller bite. Finally, fighting the urge to vomit, she forced the chewed-up bite of Devil Fruit down her throat. "Yeeach! I'm gonna need an entire barrel of grog to wash that down!"

Robin casually offered, "Sometimes I think the true reason no one has a second Devil Fruit is because they can't bring themselves to experience that taste twice." Every Devil Fruit user of the crew nodded sagely in agreement, leaving only the four "normal" people to look at them in confusion. Sanji found himself wondering if the girl's bath was really worth it given how Desire had reacted. Then he took a long look at her mostly exposed upper body, followed by taking in the figures of all the women on the crew. Yes, it would definitely be worth it, he decided.

"So… did it work?" Usopp asked curiously. How cool would it be if one of their crew could turn into a real dinosaur? Sure, Chopper had all his different forms and Yamato could turn into some kind of wolf god, but they weren't dinosaurs!

Desire stopped trying to brush off her tongue as she realized she should really figure out how to use her new powers. "Er, I don't know. Let me see," The ship guard started tensing her muscles as much as possible, "Hhhhnnngg!"

"Stop, stop!" Chopper yelled, waving his arms as he ran over, "You're just going to give yourself a hernia doing that! Or soil yourself!"

The redhead immediately stopped. "Well, how do you do it then?" She asked while discreetly shifting her weight to make sure she hadn't gone too far and didn't need new pants.

Yamato shrugged, "I just decide I want to be a big ice wolf."

Chopper sighed at the lackluster explanation. "It's like there's a series of slides or pictures in my head. I select the one I want and I turn into that form."

"So I just…" Desire trailed off as she suddenly found herself standing roughly triple her usual height. Her center of balance was all wrong too, with her body leaning forward, a long rudder-like tail behind her, a raised sail on her back, and a large fang-filled snout. "Oh. Holy crap, I'm a dinosaur. Holy crap, I'm a dinosaur!"

"Holy crap, she's a dinosaur!" The more excitable members of the crew cheered.

Zoro, however, had other thoughts. "You think we should recruit more people who don't have a Devil Fruit?" He suggested. When the rest of the Straw Hats looked at him in various degrees of confusion or curiosity, he explained, "With Desire being one now, two thirds of our crew are Devil Fruit users. If something happens to the ship, each of us would be responsible for keeping two of the others from drowning."

"I hate to agree with Marimo," Sanji dutifully ignored Zoro's shouted insult in reply, "But he's got a point. Either of us could easily carry two people while swimming ashore, but I'm not sure Nami-chwan or Usopp could."

Luffy's reply was as simplistic as it was expected. "Eh, we just won't fall overboard. Nothing's gonna happen to Merry."

-]|[-

Aokiji found himself once more standing before the woman he had spared back on Ohara, a decision he wrestled with more than once over the last two decades. "Nico Robin. It's been a long time. You've gotten yourself mixed up with quite the motley crew since I spared your life."

The woman in question peered at him from over her glasses, her expression a classic look of "you can't be serious". When she opened her mouth, he realized his mistake. "I seem to recall that I was the one who spared you, Kuzan."

"Jaguar Robin, you've aged well." The admiral hid his surprise well. Despite being over a decade his senior, she looked like she could pass as Nico Robin's sister.

"You should know better than to comment on a woman's age."

"Perhaps. At first I was glad. You and your niece kept your heads down, stayed out of trouble. I thought you had taken my advice. But here you are, traveling with a pirate crew that killed a Warlord. Are you so intent on stirring up more trouble for yourself?"

"Of course. My sons and daughters all have such wonderful dreams for the future. And all of them are going to stir up more trouble than you could ever imagine. A Warlord is just the start."

At that point, Yamato chimed in, "Okay mom, this posturing is cool and all but are we gonna fight, or what?"

-]|[-

"I can't believe I finally caught you after you spent twenty years evading us! Forget a promotion, the Five Elder Stars will be begging to have me in charge!" Spandine's voice was almost as infuriating as his sons. For all the man at least cared about his employees, he was still just as insufferable as Spandam was. "I just need to obtain Pluton's blueprints and I'll be ruler of the world!"

From where she stood in front of his desk, hands shackled together, Robin idly offered, "Why bother with the blueprints rather than the original?" Honestly, she was just killing time until he gave her what she wanted. And his reaction might be amusing.

"WHAT?! You really know where it is?! You better not be lying!"

The older woman shrugged in only slightly feigned indifference. "Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. Who's to say?"

The head of CP9 reached into his coat and slammed something on the desk. "Don't you fuck with me! You see this?" He gestured to the golden Transponder Snail he'd placed on his desk, "This means I can order a Buster Call at any time! Even on Water 7! How would your precious friends survive something like that?"

Robin's bored indifference turned into a smile sharper than Zoro's swords. Exactly what she wanted him to do. "Easier than you can imagine. Especially because I'm afraid you made three mistakes. First, you didn't check that your seastone cuffs hadn't been replaced." Blackened arms sprouted from everyone present and quickly pulled them into submission holds as their bones were broken and their joints dislocated. "Second, you let me see that snail." Another arm grew out of Spandine's desk and theatrically pushed the button on top of the Transponder Snail. Everyone present, minus the screaming Spandine, gasped in shock at what the pirate had just done. "Third, and worst of all, you tried to threaten my crew. Tata~" With that, Robin dispersed into flower petals, revealing she'd never been there at all. In his heart of hearts, Lucci could privately admit regretting not taking the woman up on her offer.

-]|[-

Within Marineford, a young marine burst into the office of Admiral Kizaru. "Sir!" He began, only to realize the admiral had a visitor, "Excuse me, Sirs! There's a situation at Sabaody Archipelago! Someone has assaulted one of the Celestial Dragons!" His words were rushed and just shy of panicked, hardly surprising given the situation. The Celestial Dragons were supposed to be untouchable and were known to order entire cities destroyed if they were displeased.

"Oh my, is that so? I had better do something about that, then," As always, Kizaru managed to sound both completely genuine and incredibly sarcastic at the same time. It was impossible to tell if he was mocking you are not at any given time.

As he made to stand up though, his comrade waved him off. "Let me handle this, Borsalino." Kizaru looked curiously at his comparatively short coworker. Though just over eight feet tall herself, she was still considerably shorter than his nearly ten-foot stature. "I've been bored recently. Wrecking some pirates will at least entertain me for a while." When he nodded, she turned to the minor officer still in the room, "Well? Do we know who it was?"

"Y-yes ma'am! Reports say it was Straw Hat Luffy!"

"Excellent! His crew has been a pain in our ass for far too long." Casually, the Admiral threw her marine coat over her crop top and leather pants, covering up the tattoos on her arms. "Aokiji might have let them go, but they'll find it harder to escape me."

"Do have fun, Doll," Borsalino offered, his voice filled with amusement.

Holding up one hand, sparks danced between her fingertips as Doll smirked. "I'm the White Snake. I always catch my prey."

-]|[-

AN: Another chapter of this down with even further divergence from canon. Honestly, I probably won't do more than one or two more. To be perfectly honest, that third scene is what convinced me to write it at all. The idea of Yamato deciding to marry her hero so she can claim his name just cracked me up. The first two scenes were because Kuma deserved better goddamnit. As for how Kuma did it? Doffy got pushed into the ocean. The rest of his crew were taken out by an Ursus Shock. The marines of course covered it up and instead said they were the ones responsible.

As we can see here, the Straw Hats have two more recruits in the form of Bartolomeo and Desire, who happened to be standing next to Luffy's wife. Yamato's position is currently pretty much meaningless but would certainly be important if/when Luffy starts having subordinate crews as she'd basically be the liaison for the main crew. Page One was sent to retrieve Yamato but was killed instead. While Yamato isn't as strong as canon, where she fought mostly evenly with Kaidō, she's still ridiculously powerful for Paradise and Page One seems like he's the runt of the group. Of course, Desire eating his Devil fruit has earned her Ulti's eternal hatred once she finds out.

Without Arlong, Nezumi wasn't up to his canon shenanigans, meaning Luffy didn't have a bounty when they reached Loguetown. As such, Smoker wasn't made aware of their arrival and didn't pursue them. This also had a knock-on effect where Hina was given credit for stopping Crocodile, something she's not happy about but knows better than to argue over. It'd also mean Smoker would be unlikely to ever enter the Grand Line until Marineford should that occur still. Meanwhile, due to Robin's unknowing shenanigans, the placement of some Devil Fruits got mixed around. Now the marines have an admiral with the "Invincible" Rumble Rumble Fruit. "What about Enel?" you might say, to which I reply, "What about Enel?". But more seriously, he never ate the fruit so he never became God or really got to cause too much trouble overall.