For any confusion, see notes at the end!
April Fools: Stalwart Soles
"Do you know what this guild needs?"
Ezera turned away from the window in Team Rebound's quarters, placing his hands on his hips. He wore what Litleo could only call a shit eating grin.
"Y'all need shoes."
Litleo and Dewott raised an eyebrow at the same time.
"You want to tell me what the heck shoes are?" Litleo asked.
"They're a thing for your feet! They can act as extra protection against stuff. I don't know why it's not a thing here," Ezera explained, pointing to her paws.
"Because all our feet are different?"
"What does…" Dewott struggled finding the gestures for 'shoe.' "That look like?"
"Anything, really. It was easy to design since humans all have the same kind of feet." Ezera tapped his chin, trying to think of all the styles he remembered. "There were closed toe shoes, open toe shoes, slippers, sandals, Crocs but we don't talk about those, heels…" He started chuckling, putting a hand to his mouth.
"What's so funny?" Litleo said.
"Sorry, I was just imagining Dewott trying on heels." Ezera got to his tip toes. "They walked around like this."
"I can tell you for sure I hated those as a human," she scoffed. "Why do you think we need shoes?"
"You've gotta admit we walk a lot. We'd be saving our feet so much tiredness if they had some padding! And that's where shoes come in. Can't say how it'll work for pokémon but… eh, we can work with only bipedal for now. Sorry quadrupeds."
"And how do you plan on getting these?"
"Easy, we make them!"
Dewott motioned to the air. "With what?"
"We'll figure out something. Someone in town also has to have the same idea as me!" Ezera exclaimed, hands on his hips. "Now no more interrogating me. We're gonna make some badass shoes!"
Litleo held out a forepaw as Ezera ran off. "Wait-! Ugh, you've got to be kidding me." She shook her head and chased after him with Dewott.
Litleo and Dewott watched Ezera stand in Kaiyo Town's plaza, shouting from atop a bench to passersby about his idea. Litleo was getting secondhand embarrassment watching him, and glanced away hoping no one else from the guild would come to see this ridiculous sight.
"Hey, have you ever wanted something to protect your feet?" Ezera asked to a… geodude.
"Are you trying to remind me of what I don't have?" the geodude replied, raising his fists.
"Oh, sorry! Haha…"
"I think Ezera's lost it," Litleo commented. "Remind me to hit him with some Embers later if he's still like this. Otherwise I'm about to become my own team again..."
"You can't blame him for being eager. It makes sense he wants to introduce something from his world to have some familiarity," Dewott signed.
"I suppose… But something tells me if we let him do this he'll expand to other random stuff." Litleo watched Ezera try and fail to reel somemon in with his pitch for a few more minutes. Convinced he was going to embarrass himself further, she called out. "Ezera, just give it a rest. The chance you'll find somemon who even thought about shoes is-"
"Shhhh, hold on, they're about to appear right now!" Ezera stated, waving his hand to a machamp.
"Don't shush me-"
"Excuse me, Machamp! You look like you're a craftsman," Ezera said.
Machamp paused, pointing two arms to himself. "M-me? I… I kinda am, yeah."
"I knew it! Listen, have you ever thought about making things pokémon can wear for their feet?" Ezera asked, jumping down from the bench to approach him.
"Sometimes. My job requires me to stand a lot…" Machamp replied, rubbing his head.
"Then let me introduce you to my neat idea, shoes! You won't worry about standing for too long anymore once you have them. I have the concept, I just need someone to make it."
Machamp looked around for a moment, as if wondering why now of all days he was encountering this scenario. He crossed all four of his arms, quirking an eyebrow.
'There's no way he's going to say yes,' Litleo thought, rolling her eyes.
"O-okay, why not?"
Litleo's jaw dropped.
"Cool! The first pair we make will be for you. Now we need a shop," Ezera said matter-of-factly.
Litleo shook her shock away. "Where are we going to get-"
"And boom there it is!" Ezera said, pointing behind her.
"What-" Litleo turned around and performed a quintuple take. Standing before her was a medium sized building where Passimian's Pub should've been. Even worse, a painting of Ezera's, hers, and Dewott's face was displayed above the door. Next to it was a suspiciously blank canvas. "Where- how- what- where did this even come from? And what happened to Passimian?!"
"Magic, Litleo! We just need a store name, but I think I'll come up with that a little later… Anyway, let's go in."
Ezera and Machamp disappeared into the new store, leaving Litleo to process what in the world she was witnessing. The logical part of her brain demanded she march up to Ezera and interrogate him until things made sense. The other part said logic left the minute she woke up this morning, and she should just follow along.
Dewott appeared beside her, exchanging a sympathetic glance.
Litleo breathed out. Whatever. Things didn't make sense, but at least she had her sanity. 'So long as it doesn't get any weirder…'
She should've known better than that.
As Litleo walked into the store, she was greeted by several rows of empty shelves stretching deeper toward the back. A counter was set up on her right, and atop it was a blocky, metal machine. She squinted at the glowing green sign coming from the northwest corner, quickly realizing that was Passimian's Pub, but repurposed into a tinier cafe. She didn't know whether to feel sorry or angry for him.
Ezera crossed his arms, nodding. "This will definitely work."
Machamp was inspecting the shelves, knocking against them to test the durability. "What now?"
"Well now we need to start production, but we'll need leather," Ezera explained, putting a hand under his chin. "And I'm not sure where to get that in this world given normal cows don't exist… Oh, but I heard Reuniclus updated the Wonder Map." Ezera retrieved it from the satchel and clicked the top. The continent's projection popped out, and indeed something was different about it— An exclamation mark hovered over Turntop Cave's location. "Oh, nice! A quest."
"Don't you mean commission?" Litleo said.
"Nope, it's pretty clear this is a quest."
Dewott leaned over to view it. "What's the reward?"
"Hmm… it gives the leather we need. All we need to do is fix the anomaly in the dungeon," Ezera answered.
Litleo sighed, swiping her mane to the side. "It doesn't tell you what it is?"
"Nope. I guess we'll find out when we get there. Machamp, can you watch the store for us?"
"U- um, okay," Machamp agreed.
"Ugh, I don't want to walk across the beach…" Litleo mumbled.
"Then I bet you're glad there's a convenient thing called fast travel. We do it all the time!" Ezera cheered, tapping Turntop Cave on the map.
"We do?"
Litleo blinked as her paws touched sand and the crashing waves reached her ears. Did they just…? She supposed instantly getting to where you needed to go wasn't so bad or absurd.
"And now we go inside!" Ezera exclaimed, leading the way.
'Don't question it, don't question it.' Litleo took her place at the back of the line, letting Dewott stay in the middle. She wasn't particularly feeling up to entertaining Ezera's craze today.
The three of them navigated through the dim cave, luckily not running into any wildmon. Though, it did beg the question of what exactly the anomaly was in the dungeon. Litleo hoped it wasn't some strange dynamax like Rugged Crags. Eventually they reached the crossroads where she and Ezera had battled Team Punker, and the three of them gasped at the treecko chilling in the center. He wore a set of red goggles around his eyes, making it hard to tell what he was thinking when he saw them.
"Yo," the treecko said, getting off the crate of leather he was leaning on.
Ezera, Litleo, and Dewott were frozen in place.
"Is there something behind me?"
"Sorry, uh…" Ezera said, shaking his head, "are you the anomaly in this dungeon?"
"Don't think so? I'm only here to give you leather for some reason." The treecko looked around, paushing. "Aw fuck, I forgot to give my team a signal when I was done." He then proceeded to shrug. "They'll pick me up later. This world isn't the killing, ravenous kind, is it?"
"Nope. We're making shoes right now. You're welcome to stick with us," Ezera offered, approaching him.
"Rad. Blizz, ex-human," Blizz introduced.
"No way! Ezera, also ex-human," Ezera replied. He went for a high-five, while Blizz went for a fist bump. They both adjusted accordingly, leading to Ezera fist bumping and Blizz high-fiving.
"...High fist?" Ezera suggested.
"High fist," Blizz agreed, meeting their fists up high.
"Somemon get me out of here," Litleo remarked, rubbing her forepaws to her head.
Ezera took out the Wonder Map. "Fast traveling back!"
Thanks to Blizz's supply of leather, Machamp was able to create the framework for Ezera's first shoe. And true to his word, this pair was for Machamp. Currently the five of them gathered around the table in the storage room of the store, observing Ezera put the finishing touches.
"And if you put the string through these…" Ezera leaned back, spreading his arms. "Voila! Shoes!"
His excitement earned scattered claps from Dewott and Blizz.
"I know it's uh, not the best looking, and we probably skipped a ton of steps for a proper one, but given the resources and time spent, I'd say this is pretty good."
Litleo went eye level with the brown colored shoe, examining the handiwork. It was crude, if she was being honest. But it also didn't look completely terrible, and the inside felt particularly nice to the touch thanks to the flaaffy wool they used as padding.
"I think it's close to what human shoes look like," Blizz said.
"It helps Machamp kinda has feet like a human. Anyway, try it on," Ezera said, pushing the shoes to the fighting-type.
"Here goes." Machamp set them on the floor, lifting his right foot first. He awkwardly fit his foot in, then did the same for his left. He glanced at the other four, unsure what to do next.
"Well walk around! How does it feel?" Ezera prompted.
Machamp took a tiny step forward. His eyes widened, and he gradually started taking bigger steps, until it turned into a light jog. "These are amazing! Wow, it's like walking on carpet!"
"The sole is the most important part of the shoe! That's what makes them so comfortable." Ezera turned to Blizz. "Do you want one?"
The treecko thought about it, then nodded. "If that's cool with you. Not really sure I'll wear it, but like, it'll be cool to show the Prince."
"What kind of shoes do you like?"
"Could you make something like Vans?"
"Sure, I'll try."
Litleo frowned. "Didn't you start this to make yourself shoes? Why are you giving it to other 'mon first?"
"They helped us, it makes sense to reward them first," Ezera answered in his usual innocent tone.
"That's backwards. You also make it for yourself first so that way you know the product doesn't have any giant issues," Litleo countered.
"Do you wanna be CEO of this store then?"
"No."
"Then I get to decide who to give it to. And it's a shoe, not a bomb or something."
"Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you."
Ezera smirked. "After we make these rip-off Vans, we'll make some samples of our first shoe and open the store!"
"Oh good. Can't wait to see how that turns out…" Litleo mumbled.
A few hours later, with Blizz's not-Vans packed up in a box, Machamp successfully reproduced their first shoe iteration, albeit in different colors of red, green, and blue. Ezera set them out on the shelves in the front of the store, and had Litleo go to the metal machine on the counter.
"You'll be in charge of the cash register since I know how much you hate pokémon," he teased.
Litleo glared at him, eyebrow twitching. "I can hate you infinitely more."
"That's cool, I'll be outside trying to attract customers. Help Dewott if he needs it!" He promptly left through the doors.
"Don't ignore me- idiot."
Litleo slouched, lazily pressing the buttons on the register. She didn't even know how to work this damn thing. What was the point when you could just Poké all in one chest anyway?
Somehow, it seemed Ezera's advertising worked, and two customers walked in. A skitty and a cyndaquil, both awfully close to each other. Litleo was pretty sure they'd be holding paws if not for Skitty having to walk on all fours.
"I think we should at least take a look around, just to be nice to that axew," Skitty said, nudging Cyndaquil with her tail.
"...Alright," Cyndaquil conceded.
Dewott approached them, bowing slightly. "Hi, if you have any questions feel free to ask."
"Thanks," Skitty replied.
Skitty and Cyndaquil browsed the shoes with equal parts curiosity and awkwardness. The former poked at it and picked one up.
"They're… intriguing, if anything," Skitty remarked. "Do you want to get one?"
Cyndaquil shook his head. "…Not sure we'd have a use for it."
"That's true…" She turned to Dewott. "Is there anything else you have?"
"This is all we sort of have at the moment," Dewott signed, sheepishly glancing at their empty store and tapping his paw. "But we can take custom orders?'
Litleo got the impression Skitty and Cyndaquil would much rather prefer practical items, and didn't belong here in general.
"I think we should go," Cyndaquil said, laying a paw on Skitty's back.
Skitty nodded. "I kind of liked it here, but good idea."
"Sorry we didn't have anything you liked," Dewott signed.
"Oh no, it's okay! Really, these are cool concepts. They're just not for us. Have a good day!"
"You too."
Skitty and Cyndaquil exited, and Litleo exhaled in relief. A normal couple like that should not come anywhere near this store today. One minute later, a trio of pokémon came in next: an eevee, a litten, and a sobble.
"Wooow, this place is amazing! Who knew they had these here?" the eevee admired, starry eyed.
"You know what these are, Hope?" the litten asked, sauntering over to a shoe and sniffing it.
"Yeah! They're shoes. Great things for your feet. But I don't see the kind I wear here," she said, tilting her head.
Dewott neared Hope and signed, "We can make special ones for you. What do you have in mind?"
Hope hopped up and down. "Oh, I'll definitely take something like uggs!"
Dewott didn't know what to say to that. "Let me... get something to write that down." He disappeared into the storage room.
"W-what are 'uggs?'" the sobble asked.
"You and Klaw are missing out!" Hope answered, straightening up. "They're super cute little boots, and they have this really nice fur on the inside. They're sooo comfy."
"Dewey and I don't need cute. We want something cool!" Klaw countered.
"Y-yeah! We're badass!" Dewey joined in.
Hope giggled, pondering what shoe would fit them. "You'd definitely both wear Jordans."
Klaw nodded fervently. "If it's cool, we want it."
Dewott reappeared with a piece of paper and a pencil, scribbling on it. After setting it down, he signed, "Is that it?"
Hope's ears perked up. "Could you put down Jordans too? Thanks!"
Dewott's eyebrows scrunched together, but he did it anyway.
"That'll be it for us. Let's go guys!" Hope stated, leaving with her friends.
Ezera reentered that moment, slightly panting. "So, did we sell anything?"
"Some uggs and Jordans, whatever the heck those are," Litleo replied, arching her back. "What even are these names?"
"Nice! I'll have to tell Machamp what those look like. Oh, good afternoon, welcome to our shoe store!" Ezera stated upon hearing somemon come in.
It was a green cat-like pokémon, strutting in like she owned the place.
"What makes you think this afternoon is good?" Floragato replied, paw on her hip.
"Uh, well…"
"Or that it's even afternoon, for that matter?"
"Huh?"
Floragato pointed behind her. "Look, it's dark out right now."
Ezera stepped outside momentarily, recoiling at the night sky. "Oh my God, you're right!"
Litleo peered over the counter. She knew for a fact it was just day, so how could it be night? "Ezera, pull yourself together! She's lying."
Floragato snorted. "Yeah, yeah, I am." A bright blue sky replaced the dark night instantly. "But I had you going, didn't I?"
Floragato was pushed out of the way by a glaceon.
"I am here to prevent these so called shoes from reaching the public!" Glaceon announced, holding her head high.
Ezera's mouth went slightly ajar. "Uh, why?"
"Because it is in our nature to keep our paws clean! Wearing such items disobeys the very law of nature."
"How do you know what the law of nature is? You're just a glaceon," Litleo argued, flicking her tail.
Glaceon gasped. "My good fellow, that statement you have just vocated has left me in a state of distress. If you would be so kind, please refer to that statement as nothing more than an attempt of humor and not in any way, shape, or form a true statement of any kind. I would prefer that you do so posthaste, such as directly at present or sometime in the near future."
Litleo only had one word in response. "What."
A goodra shoved Glaceon out of the way next. "I'm here to prove that pokémon are too good for shoes! Those flimsy little things won't stop us from doing our best."
"Are you all related?" Ezera asked.
"We are… Team Slay!" the three exclaimed in unison.
"Girlboss!" Goodra shouted.
"Gaslight!" Floragato shouted.
"Gatekeep!" Glaceon shouted.
"And this store violates all the laws of the Triple G," Goodra finished, whipping her head to be cool.
"Gotcha… and what are you gonna do about it?" Ezera replied, brow furrowing.
"Tear this place down, obviously!"
"Uh, not while I'm standing here." Ezera grabbed a shoe.
Goodra pulled Floragato and Glaceon close. "What will you do with that?"
"This." Ezera threw the shoe at Goodra's face. Its bottom smacked her squarely in the face, leaving a shoe shaped imprint.
"The audacity!" Goodra screamed. She picked up the shoe and threw it back.
Ezera dove behind a shelf, grabbing the other sets of shoes and tossing them at Team Slay. Dewott took cover near Ezera and joined in.
Blizz walked out of the storage room. "Yo, Machamp's taking a break so- what the fuck is happening out here?" he asked, halting.
Litleo didn't even know anymore at this point. She watched the shoes fly through the air, horribly hitting everything but the pokémon themselves. The shelves were knocked over and the commotion only got louder by the slaps and thunks of leather against floor and wall. 'I must be dead. This is the only explanation.'
Blizz decided to also partake in the shoe fight. He didn't know the context, but seeing as his companions for the day were engaged in it, he figured helping them would be best. Plus, this looked fun as hell. He launched the pairs he had brought out at Team Slay.
Goodra ducked under a shoe flying overhead. "I'm surprised these haven't broken after being thrown around so much."
"These are some supremely tough soles," Glaceon admitted, clutching one in her mouth.
"WAAAAAAIT!" Ezera yelled, stopping the fighting. He climbed on top of a shelf. "Oh my God, that's gonna be the store name! Stalwart Soles!"
"I think you're trying too hard to be quirky like you do with every other name," Floragato said, who was quickly shushed by Blizz and her teammates.
"I'm gonna go write it right now!"
Ezera zipped outside, and the rest of them trailed after him. When Litleo gazed upward, Ezera had somehow reached the blank sign without any ladder and was writing in black ink 'Stalwart Soles.'
"There we go!" he declared, facing the pokémon below him.
Dewott was the only 'mon to clap at it.
"In light of us somehow helping your store, we must retreat. Team Slay will be back to put you out of business soon enough!" Goodra suddenly said, pumping a fist in the air.
"Girlboss!"
"Gaslight!"
"Gatekeep!"
"Gone!" the three chanted in unison, then dashed in the opposite direction.
Ezera jumped down from the sign, scratching his head. A portal appeared over the lanturn fountain a few seconds later. Somemon's voice came out of it, calling for Blizz.
"Blizz! You there?"
"Hmph, it is imperative he is, otherwise he will face strict repercussions from me. We do not have time for these trivial games."
"That's my cue. Thanks for the not-Vans," Blizz said, holding up the bag. He high fisted Ezera. "Good luck if you also have to save the world."
"Same to you! I hope yours is easy," Ezera said.
"It should be, we've got ten humans." And with that, Blizz threw himself head first into the portal.
Team Rebound exchanged varying glances ranging from 'interesting' to 'holycrapthatmustbeareallydangerousworldwhytheheckdotheyneedsomany.' Now alone again, Ezera pulled them close and exhaled.
"Now that is what I call an exciting day."
Litleo craned her toward the sky, closing her eyes. "Never again."
Litleo awoke the next morning refreshed. With yesterday's events now a thing of the past, she was ready for a completely normal day. Only, Ezera's shoes were tucked into a corner of their quarters, quickly reminding her of the insanity that took place. Additionally, Ezera was up before her, and once again staring out the window thoughtfully.
She plodded over, joining him to gaze at whatever he was looking at.
"Do you know what this guild needs?"
Litleo's stomach sank.
"You guys are gonna need socks if you're wearing shoes," Ezera said, wearing that same shit eating grin.
She took the nearby pillow and aimed it at his head, officially losing it. "If Blizz can say it, I can say it! And don't you dare censor me! WHAT THE F-"
End.
Author's Note: Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you don't mind this silly little chapter. In case it wasn't clear, this is NOT canon in any way. If it made you laugh, great! If it made you wonder what the heck is going on, also great! I don't have a ton of experience writing comedy, so I'll take what I can get. This was mostly self indulgent since I don't have other writing projects, and it was nice to let loose and write something that didn't have to follow many rules.
Special shout-out to Pennio (Sierra 10), ArcherAmpharos (The Sky's Not the Limit), and ShiningRockruff (Age of Shadows) for letting me include their characters in this! I know they definitely were wondering what the heck was going on when I asked them what shoes their characters would wear :p
As usual, I'll keep this chapter here for a week or two before moving it to its own story. And speaking of the next chapter, my aim is to have it out next week, so fingers crossed!
