This bonus chapter will contain:
Some off page character interactions with my thought process for them and how they influenced how the story unfolded. I was trying to not just have things happen for no reason. I wrote several chapters I had to scrap because people weren't making sense. I will probably add to this section as I unearth more of my handwritten notes. They exist somewhere in the disaster that is my house.
My Astarion playlist. I'm sorry it's not a Spotify thing that can be clicked on. I am old fashioned, and I get all my music on iTunes and make my playlists that way. We go on a lot of road trips and the internet does not always exist where we drive to. So, it will be a list in alphabetical order by artist. The list is added to fairly regularly, so I'll try to keep it updated here. Most of these songs were inspiring for this story, some are just Astarion-esque, and some have made my brain think of a sequel and other story ideas that I will hopefully write one day…
A preview of the first chapter of the sequel I convinced myself to write for this story. I am a glutton for creative punishment apparently. I'll start posting what I have hopefully soon. I want to flesh out more of it before I commit to posting it. I'm having a harder time with it since it is entirely post-game, so I have to make up just about everything and I have never done that before.
1.
Why Delphinium and Lycoris for their Paramour names:
I really just liked the way Delphinium sounded and that it shortened so nicely to Delphi. And the more I thought about it the more appropriate it became because of the Oracle of Delphi. Ana will one day lead her best friend's fate, but will she tell her?
At first, I was going to use Lilium for Talia, because I love lilies, especially stargazers. But as I was putzing about looking up the meanings of different lilies I came across a Japanese folklore story about Red Spider Lilies (Lycoris Radiata). So not only are they associated with death, or parting from someone permanently there's also a story about why their leaves and flowers don't appear at the same time. The tragic love story of two fairies that go against the sun goddess' rules and fall in love. She punishes them by separating them forever. (Peri Manju and Peri Saka) so it felt like it fit the story thematically.
Talia is a naive silly girl (Whatever the age equivalent in Elf to a 19-20 year old human). She's not an idiot but she doesn't have the experience or maturity to be suspicious of other people's motivations when they tell her things. She's fairly likely to take people at their word if they are people she knows and trusts, ie: Davora, Loviatar and Astarion. She wouldn't suspect any of them of trying to manipulate her. But they are all lying liars who lie to her. She's only ever suspicious of people/ things she doesn't know, ie: the Emperor.
Astarion's dilemma after their fight at Moonrise Towers
Everything is left to chance, seeing if Talia or he would apologize first and whoever did would dictate whose advice he would follow, Lae'zel's or Shadowheart's.
Lae'zel's advice: Why deny yourselves if you're both attracted to each other and both enjoy what you are doing? She wasn't trying to say to surrender to the darkness that's inside both of them, she didn't know anything about either of them or their past and current situations. Her advice inadvertently pushes him to give in to his darkest desires regarding Talia, even before his Ascension. And it's because I think those things were always inside of him, he just kept them mildly in check. But her advice makes him feel like he can, and should fully dive into it, embrace it, damn the consequences and what anyone else thinks.
Shadowheart's advice: Would have been more along the lines of maybe slowing down, there's a lot going on not just with the whole parasite thing but between the two of them. She's not saying to stay away from each other but just to maybe take a step back. And if Astarion had been the one to apologize first he would have heeded Shadowheart's advice. This is where I had a lot of trouble sticking to Astarion and Talia not becoming better people and having to keep them as toxic, selfish assholes. I wrote an entire chapter trying to work in Astarion's revelation about not wanting to be seen as a sexual thing, but I couldn't make it work with the direction I was taking my story. I just couldn't justify him healing to that point and then still wanting to continue with the ritual. So, Talia apologizes first, sealing both of their fates.
Sometimes I play with the idea of having a diverging story where I do go down that road, but it takes too much brain power for me since I personally prefer Ascended Astarion in game. Spawn Astarion is cute, adorable. I love his character arc, but what can I say?... I love me a bad boy vampire a la Anne Rice's Lestat… Hell, even Spike from Buffy was my preference over Angel.
Shadowheart really does want to get Talia away from Astarion after his change at Moonrise, but she doesn't know how. She sees the difference in Talia and worries for her but doesn't know how to broach the subject or even how to get Talia alone now. Astarion won't let Shadowheart separate them, he's hell bent on keeping her by his side. Neither Astarion or Talia know at that point why the attraction is so strong between them, but now neither really cares about the why, they just give in to how good it feels to be together.
2.
Alexander Jean:
"So Bad", "Thief"
Ari Abdul:
"Bite Marks", "Stay"
Bad Omens:
"THE DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND", "Just Pretend"
Boris Slavlov:
"I Want to Live" both instrumental and vocal versions.
The Cardigans:
"Lovefool", "Erase/Rewind", "My Favorite Game"
Chase Holfelder:
"Animal" cover of song by The Neon Trees
Cloudy June:
"FU In My Head"
The Darkness:
"I Believe in a Thing Called Love"
David Bowie Labyrinth soundtrack:
"As the World Falls Down", "Within You"
Derivakat:
"Pomegranate Lips", "Bite"
Dove Cameron:
"Use Me (Brutal Hearts)", "Still", "Sand", "Bad Idea", "We Go Down Together"
Garbage:
"Only Happy When It Rains", "Vow", "My Lover's Box", "#1 Crush"
Ghost:
"Life Eternal"
Hey Violet:
"Unholy", "Like Lovers Do"
Hozier:
"Eat Your Young", "Take Me to Church"
Jonas Brothers:
"Sucker"
Kanon X Kanon:
"Calendula Requiem" from a fantastic anime called Shiki, watch it!
Kiss:
"I Was Made for Lovin' You"
Hamilton musical:
"Burn" sung by Phillipa Soo. There's an absolutely amazing animatic on YouTube. It's why I put this song on my playlist. The video is called "Burn (Ascended Astarion animatic)" by Vesper
Madonna:
"Like a Prayer"
Maneskin:
"I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE"
Marlyn Manson:
"Slutgarden"
Muse:
"Undisclosed Desires", "Starlight", "Super MAssive Black Hole", "Crying Shame", "Time Is Runing Out"
Nine Inch Nails:
"Closer"
Panic! At the Disco:
"Death of a Bachelor", "This is Gospel", "Nicotine", "Far Too Young to Die", "Collar Full"
Paris Paloma:
"the fruits", "My Mind (Now)"
polnalyubvi:
"CnpeHa" I don't know how to make Cyrillic letters on here, but it translates to Siren it's beautiful.
Post Malone:
"Circles", "Sunflower"
Rihanna:
"Diamonds", "S&M", "S&M (remix featuring Britney Spears)", "Stay (Featuring Mikky Ekko)"
Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox:
"I Was Made for Lovin' You" cover of Kiss song
She Wants Revenge:
"Tear You Apart"
Simon Curtis:
"Flesh"
Skylar Grey:
"Stand By Me" cover of Ben E. King song
Sofia Karlberg:
"Viva La Vida (Acoustic Version)" cover of Coldplay song, "Crazy in Love" cover of Beyonce song, "Toxic" cover of Britney Spears song
Stone Sour:
"Song #3"
Timeflies:
"Insomniac"
Tommee Profitt:
"Can't Help Falling In Love" both light and dark versions, cover of Elvis song
Tove Lo:
"Borderline"
Shannon & Keast:
"Bad Romance" cover of Lady Gaga song
Kina Grannis:
"Can't Help Falling in Love" cover of Elvis song
ZAYN & Taylor Swift:
"I Don't Wanna Live Forever" hate 50 Shades, but those movies had some good songs on the soundtracks.
Moulin Rouge movie soundtrack:
"Come What May", "El Tango de Roxanne", "Hindi Sad Diamonds"
Deftones:
"Chang (In the House of Flies)" or the whole soundtrack of Queen of the Damned
Romeo + Juliet movie soundtrack:
"When Doves Cry" sung by Quindon Tarver
Bishop Briggs:
"Never Tear Us Apart"
The Veronicas:
"Untouched"
Violet Orlandi:
"Like a Stone" cover of Audioslave song, "Wicked Game" cover of Chris Isaak song
The Weekend:
"Save Your Tears"
YOHIO:
"My Nocturnal Serenade" for the pure camp that is this song and video reminding me of early 2000's J-Pop, specifically Gakt, if anyone else knows that reference
5 Seconds of Summer:
"Teeth"
3. This sneak peek is a thank you to the people who liked my unfinished story enough to follow me as an author. Thank You!
I'm getting more of Persephone vibes from how this story is turning out so far. I blame the song "Pomegranate Lips" by Derivikat. The song haunts my every waking moment in the best of ways. Even my daughter is obsessed, and we play it every time we get in the car together and sing like obnoxious banshees. So, without further ado:
For two centuries the Vampire Ascendant came to her. Every ten years he'd make the long journey to the Forest of Amtar, to the temple half buried within it. There he'd find her, unchanged in all the centuries she's laid there; the same beautiful gown gracing her perfect body, crimson hair like a pool of blood beneath her, her face the picture of lovely sorrow, tears ever flowing, softly lit by the glow of her prison. And just outside that glow he'd sit, unmoving, for a tenday, unable to reach her, unable to touch her. Always with the intention of freeing her but never knowing how.
On this visit She comes to him: Loviatar. Her cold presence filling the room as She smiles at him from the other side of his lover's prison, Her eyes sparkling as She speaks,
"How long before you give up, little tyrant?" He doesn't answer Her, just meets Her icy gaze with his own fiery one. She comes to him, stepping over Her prisoner's body to caress his face, whispering in his ear, "How about we play a little game? I will free her from this cage, but there will be… conditions."
His body tenses, his eyes locking onto her, his longing and regret threatening to break his imposing countenance, his voice thick with held in emotion,
"Anything. Just give her back."
Loviatar sweeps behind him, wrapping Her long arms around his neck, nuzzling into him before pressing Her cheek to his, joining him in looking down at Her Chosen,
"She will wake, but… she will have no memory of these past 1000 years. She will wake believing it's the day she was abducted from Baldur's Gate. She won't know you, the life you lived, of the love she bears you, none of it. She won't even know what she is." His eyes flinch, his love will wake a stranger in her own body, "You will have to earn her love all over again. I will give you one year. And in that time she must learn the truth of what you did to her; how she spent 300 years in blissful happiness with you only to spend 700 years in torment here, and she must choose to stay with you despite it all. If not… I will take her back, restore her memory and leave her in a hell of her own making. And you, Astarion… You will spend the rest of eternity knowing that she would rather torture herself forever with memories of a life she once shared with you than forgive you and start life anew with you. "
"You would truly do this? You would set her free?" His heart races at the thought of holding her in his arms again, refusing to hear the warning of their shared fates.
"She has been an unending font of pleasure for me. A veritable feast. I do so hate to give it up, but… You are quite delicious too, my little vampire lord. I wish to continue savoring you as well. I quite enjoy playing with my food… And, with that in mind, should you manage to make her love you, despite being the monster that you are, I shall let her go. A thousand years of having my perfect Chosen is far more than any of the other gods have ever had. Oh, save for my Lord Bane, of course." Her eyes gleam, drinking in his distaste at the mention of his god, the architect of his misery, "Oh! And one more thing, she can't know of our little game. You can tell no one. Understood?"
"Yes." Whatever the conditions, he doesn't care, he'd agree to anything She asks to get her back.
Loviatar's mouth stretches into an unnatural grin, all viciousness and cruelty, vanishing as the glow beneath Talia fades away…
And that's it for the preview. I'm going to try writing in third person this time to give myself more freedom with events happening that Talia would have no way of knowing about and to get more insight into Astarion's mind. Totally understand if this won't be your cup of tea. You can just read the first story and leave it as a tragedy, it is meant to be a complete story with no need for more. My brain just wouldn't hush. I blame The Cardigans. I was listening to "Erase/Rewind" and it sparked my imagination. What if we gave these two idiots another chance at happily ever after?
I really would love some feedback on what anyone who read this far thought about my story. Constructive criticism, general thoughts, anything really. This is the first time I've written something this long; the first time I've written smut and the first time I've finished a fic. So, thank you for reading.
