Protégé

Chapter 15

A/N: The direction I ended up taking this story just reflects the headspace I'm in. Sorry if this therefore doesn't live up to your expectations. Tell someone you love them today, life can speed up in a heartbeat, and there's no break pedal. Shorter chapter, but I don't like cliffhangers. If anyone is reading this to distract themselves from something in their life, I hope this can help you, or occupy your mind for a few minutes at least.

Disclaimer: I don't own much of anything, (including but not limited to SVU,) except the thoughts in my head and the love in my heart.

Saturday Evening, Captain Cragen's Retirement Party, Elliot Stabler's Attic Bedroom, Joseph and Bernie Stabler's House

Bernie Stabler had been dragged to enough of these parties and police events over the years that she could host her own blind folded.

She dressed the part, smiled politely, and engaged in conversation when spoken to as she performed the hosting duties of the dedicated housewife to a cop.

It wasn't that she hated her husband's job, she just wasn't big on the politics. She wasn't a phoney person, and sometimes had a hard time plastering on a fake smile at certain parties and events. She was relieved and happy anytime she could stay home and one of her children could take her place. In all fairness Joe enjoyed rubbing elbows with the brass about as much as she did. But where she could get out of it sometimes, he couldn't.

Bernie had just finished passing topping off some officer's wine glasses. It was hard for her to tell who were cops, detectives or higher ranked officers as some people were dressed in their dress blues and others were donning suits and dresses.

Bernie took a cursory glance around her backyard. Joe was engaged in an animated conversation with Ed Tucker and a few older men. She spotted a couple detectives from her husband's old unit who she recognized and a few of her own children were scattered about.

Bernie walked into her kitchen, depositing the empty wine bottle into a box in her pantry, with the other bottles they had already gone through. Fortunately the department was paying for the party she thought as she quickly counted more than 50 empty bottles already. She didn't have any more room, perhaps Elliot could take this box to the curb before she started opening more wine.

Bernie smiled politely at a few people passing through her kitchen into the living room. Glancing into the room she didn't see Elliot. She hadn't noticed him outside either.

Not understanding where he could have snuck off to she decided to start from the top of her house and work her way back out to the backyard. Hopefully wherever he was he would stay in one spot and she wouldn't miss him.

It was a little awkward she thought. Here Elliot was, stuck at a party with most of his father's friends and colleagues. Yet the party was actually for the old Captain of the unit he was hired in, and only because of his last name, and his father's legacy and reputation. Aside from Don Cragen, Bernie wouldn't recognize anyone from her son's unit even if they marched in a straight line right in front of her, but she knew they were all there. She didn't even know who her son's boss was.

Bernie paused on the second floor landing.

Elliot? she called out, not really expecting an answer.

She pulled open the door to the old wooden stairs leading to the attic. They had only ever used the space as storage while the kids were growing up. However when Elliot got back from his deployment with the marines, and was accepted to the academy, he asked them if he could turn it into another bedroom. His proposition being he would stay home, saving money while he attended the academy, but it would give him a bit more privacy, and he would be less likely to disturb the rest of his family while he stayed up late studying or coming and going at odd hours of the day and night.

Overall she thought it had worked out well. Joe Stabler was a fickler about privacy but he even helped Elliot renovate the space and install a lock on the door, the one negotiation be that he only use it in case of emergency.

Bernie pulled herself up the stairs by the wobbly railing, she really was getting too old to be doing all these stairs. She thought she heard a thud against the door at the top of the steps.

"Elliot," she tried calling again.

She took another couple of steps, the door to his room just a foot away, "Elliot are you in there?"

Bernie knocked twice against his door, and twisted his door handle like she normally did. She was surprised to find his door locked, her son never locked his door, they always knocked if his door was closed before entering.

"Elliot honey, why's the door locked?" Bernie asked through his door.

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Elliot and Olivia stared at one another. They had both frozen in fear at the sound of his mother's voice.

They both reacted at the same time, Elliot dropped Olivia, making sure she was stable on her heels before reaching for his discarded jacket as Olivia pulled her dress back into place.

She looked around frantically, he had nowhere for her to hide.

"Uh, hey Mama, ye-yeah I'm in here, you need something?" Elliot glanced around, unsure of where on earth he could hide someone, let alone a woman, worse yet his Captain, in his room.

"What's wrong with you? Why's your door locked?" Bernie questioned as she rattled his door handle again.

"Uhhh, I-uhhh, was getting changed, with people swarming all over the house, I just-uh wanted to make sure nobody stumbled up here, and accidentally walked in," Elliot ended his sentence as if it were a question not a statement.

Olivia threw her hands up in the air, and whispered, "Seriously?" She barely had time to hide behind his door as he unlatched his lock, and prayed his Mom didn't remember what he had been wearing earlier, because he hadn't changed his navy blue suit or stark white shirt.

"Hey Mama, you good? You don't come up here often, you need something?" Elliot asked as he held his hand against his door, trying to appear casual as he leaned against it.

Bernie glanced over his shoulder, "I just wanted your help to take the empty bottle box to the curb, it's full and I need room to put more in."

"Oh no problem, just let me clean up and I'll be right down," Elliot grinned down at her.

Bernie clapped his cheek twice, "Thank you dear."

He watched his mother descend down the stairs, slowly closing his door when she closed the door at the bottom of the steps. He leaned his head against his door, exhaling loudly as he shut his eyes.

"This is exactly why we shouldn't have been doing anything up here. For god sakes this is just a glaring reminder of how wrong and fucked up this entire relationship even is!" Olivia exclaimed as she pushed herself away from the wall behind his door where she had been hiding.

Elliot watched as she scrubbed her hands up and down her face, running them through her long wavy hair.

"Olivia we're not wrong, the location is, I'll give you that, we never should have been fooling around up here, but you and me baby, we were made for each other, I know-"

"Oh please Elliot you don't know shit, you're just a fucking kid!" Olivia whispered yelled at him as she cut him off.

Elliot furrowed his eyebrows and crossed his arms. "Look Liv, I understand you're scared, we nearly just got caught but-"

"Are you really going to stand there, and not comprehend how close we just came to getting caught? Not to mention how fucked up we both are for even trying to attempt a relationship with one another?!" Olivia copied his stance, sticking her hip out for some added attitude.

"And what about us is 'fucked up' as you said? Hmmm? Me wanting to be with an older woman? You wanting to be with a younger man? And not just a younger man, but a virgin at that?"

"Yes, that's definitely something we should both be examining. How about also wanting and pursuing your superior, knowing she was your boss?" Olivia argued.

"I'm not going to defend myself for wanting you. For flirting with you. Look around you, for god sakes the reason I even brought you up here to begin with, everyone that meets you, wants you!" Elliot swiped his hand in front of him dismissively. "Since you keep pointing it out, you were the boss, you were in charge, you didn't have to reciprocate."

Olivia guffawed, placing a hand against her chest, "I didn't have to respond? Oh yes, how many women my age wouldn't respond to a young, hot, sexy, mid twenty year old who was flirting and blatantly telling them how much they desired them, and not just for their body, but for their mind, their personality, their tenacity and passion?!"

"Exactly, you eventually wanted me as much as I wanted you Olivia, and I don't care what happens, I'll never regret or apologize for not giving up, and eventually breaking down those walls, God knows you didn't make it easy in the beginning."

"Then why did you keep trying?" Olivia whined softly, dropping her arms, she looked physically tired, defeated.

Elliot stomped towards her and grabbed her cheeks, his fingers tangled in her hair. "Because I knew you'd be worth it! Don't you realize how fucking special you are damnit?"

Olivia closed her eyes to keep her tears at bay. She shook her head. She felt wet drops hit her exposed chest, she knew they were his tears, she could feel him trembling against her.

She opened her mouth, trying to get more oxygen into her lungs. She felt his mouth against hers, breathing together, choking together as they both tried to control their emotions, and prevent their sobs from escaping their throats.

"I can't," she whimpered.

He felt her words enter his mouth. He wished he could just swallow them down, make them disappear.

"Olivia please?" he cried as she pushed him away and pulled open his door, practically running down the stairs.

She moved so fast he didn't even have a chance to grab her.

Elliot collapsed on his bed. Hiding his head in his hands, he could feel his tears on his face.

He understood her fear. His mother had scared him too. He knew they were caught up in the moment, as it happened more than often with them, but he didn't think they would have gone all the way. He hadn't even made the ultimate purchase yet. He figured a condom would be mandatory for her.

But fuck if he hadn't wanted her, however now a days that feeling was constant. And now it looked like she was another first for him. A first she probably never intended to be and a first he prayed she'd never was either.

Olivia Benson had just become the first woman to break his heart.

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A/N: Enter angst, sorry if you wanted this to remain strictly light and fluffy but I'm just not in the mood. Cliffhanger didn't last long at least. Read chapter 14 first as the chapters were posted close together.

Just to clarify my hospitalization was not covid related.

It started as a kidney infection, then progressed to hydrocephalus (surgery and coma), then multiple broken bones, then super high sugars, then a very high heart rate and blood pressure, then an allergic reaction to the first dose of the covid vaccine, then anaphylactic shock when they accidentally gave me strawberry jam (deathly allergic to strawberries) which just caused all my other diseases to flare again.

Thank you for the sweet messages about my Gma. I finally got to see her today, my mother and Anthony took me in my wheelchair. Anyone that has had that kind of relationship with someone knows how cathartic that was for both of us. She probably only has hours left, but I'm happy we had that last moment together.

Prayers for the people in British Columbia.

You can follow me on IG or Twitter new2svu2017

All mistakes mine. Don't worry there won't be too much angst.