Chapter 50: can't do anything right

Middle Fire Month, 7th-11th Day, 600 AGG

'Cozy…'

A small groan escaped Draudillon's throat as she tightened her clasp on whatever her arms had wrapped around while she was asleep.

"Morning," the dragon queen forced open her eyelids at the sound of Yuriko's melodious voice. That's right. She had fallen asleep with the angel in her embrace. "Um, sun's been out for a while, but I didn't wanna wake you up 'cause, well, you seemed really tired."

Yuriko winced. "Sorry, I should've woken you up. You're probably super busy and stuff."

"Mmmfgh," Draudillon reluctantly released the angel and sat up, her stretching accompanied by a small yawn. "Don't apologize." She sleepily rubbed the top of Yuriko's head and was rewarded with a small squeak. "I'm surprised you didn't get bored and leave, honestly."

"Y-Yeah…" Yuriko leaned ever so slightly into Draudillon's hand. "Didn't wanna be alone. That sounds kinda annoying, doesn't it—?"

"It's not," the dragon queen firmly put an end to their self-belittling. "And for what it's worth, I'm glad I could be of help."

"... thanks," Yuriko climbed out from the blankets and off the bed. "So, uh… work?"

'Have to catch up on everything, pick up where I left off yesterday,' Draudillon held back a frown. This was her duty, the responsibility entrusted to her by right of birth. Complaining about it was disrespectful. 'Didn't stop you in the past though. Doubt it will now.'

"Yes," she decided on a simple answer. Who knew? Perhaps it could serve as a suitable distraction for the angel. "Ah, speaking of which, will you be meeting with that Imperial Knight today?"

"Who?" Yuriko blankly stared at her.

'She left before Martin informed me. Forgot about that,' Draudillon's brows furrowed at the memory. Couldn't he have told them during the whole hour she was gone making herself presentable? "Lady Leinas Rockbruise, one of the Baharuth Empire's Four Imperial Knights."

"..."

The dragon queen waited for a reaction that never came. "Goes by the moniker 'Heavy Explosion?'"

"Doesn't ring a bell," Yuriko scratched her arm in embarrassment. "Sorry—"

"Martin was supposed to be the one to tell you, so there's no need for you to feel sorry," Draudillon silently cursed the Prime Minister. "Anyways, she's the person he mentioned that was looking for you."

"Oh," Yuriko suddenly looked nervous. "W-Well, better sooner than later!"

"..." Draudillon considered the angel with a heavy heart. "In that case, give me some time to clean and dress myself before we get going. Is my office alright?"

"Office is fine," the tension bled from Yuriko's shoulders. "Thanks. Don't think I can deal with a big group right now."

"It's no problem," Draudillon pulled out the magical beastman-made multipurpose tool from a Bag of Holding laying on the nightstand and expended a use to cast『Clean』. Bathing felt more relaxing, but it was a luxury she had already indulged in yesterday—and that wasn't even mentioning all the tasks that lay ahead. Likewise, eating could wait as well. "Is it okay if your supplicant brings an escort?"

"I don't mind," Yuriko turned around, allowing the dragon queen to disrobe and put on clothes more fitting for day-to-day appearances. "I mean, they're not gonna be bringing a whole crowd, right?"

"They're not," Draudillon plopped herself down before her vanity and briskly, but carefully, ran a comb through silky lengths of pitch-black hair. After she deemed her grooming sufficient, Draudillon turned back towards the angel. "How do I look?"

"Gr-Great!" A blushing Yuriko stuttered as she raised two thumbs in approval, eliciting a small upwards tilt from the corners of the dragon queen's lips. "You look—great!"

"Thank you," the dragon queen extended an arm to her beloved, unable to hold back a smile. "Now, shall we go?"

"Already?"

"Did you want to wait?" Draudillon arched an eyebrow.

"N-No…" The red tinting Yuriko's face deepened as she gingerly took the proffered hand. "Let's go."

Their walk to the office was wordless, but the angel's vice-like grip on her hand told Draudillon everything she needed to know about how they were feeling. She ignored the whispering attendants on their way to her study, and soon enough—or maybe too soon—the pair arrived at where they would await Yuriko's petitioner.

"You don't have to do it today," Draudillon sat on the other side of the sturdy table stacked high with towers of parchment and record books.

"It's fine," Yuriko leaned against the desk. "I'm just casting a few spells. Not a big deal." The angel paused. "Y'know, I just wanna… I dunno."

They stared at the ground. "Help people by healing instead of… yeah."

"Okay," Draudillon nodded. "I understand."

She did, and that made her all the more distraught.

"Mm," Yuriko left it at that, immensely nervous if the chewing of their lip was anything to go by.

"Before Lady Rockbruise arrives, I want to clarify a few things," the dragon queen decided to break the tense silence.

"Like payment?" Yuriko tilted her head. "People bring that up a lot, but like, asking for money feels wrong when it comes to healing."

"Not that," Draudillon shook hers. "Just tell her to help me with some… tasks, I suppose. Later though. What I wanted to say was you shouldn't feel bad if you want to put it off. Have some time to get back on your feet, does that make sense?"

"But I'm already on my feet—" a knock at the door. Probably that Rockbruise girl; Draudillon had heard tales, but still found herself wondering just how bad their curse was for them to give up their vaunted position as one of Jircniv's Four Imperial Knights. "Oh! That's probably them."

'At least she's in better spirits than yesterday,' Draudillon cracked a small smile and rubbed her bleary eyes. The lack of sleep from last night was catching up with her, but Yuriko was doing better. They were fine, and that was all that mattered. 'Have some faith in her. I'm worrying too much.'

"Let them in," she raised her voice, commanding the Gatekeepers guarding the room to allow in the visitors. Hopefully, this would go smoothly—earning the goodwill of someone as high-profile as Heavy Explosion wasn't something to scoff at. More importantly however, she hoped Yuriko could overcome their slump through helping people in a less… bloody method.

The door to her study silently swung open, allowing Rockbruise and one of Yuriko's subordinate priests to enter.

"Your Majesty, Lady Yuriko," the priest genuflected as the Imperial Knight quickly regained her composure upon seeing the angel before following his lead. "It's been a while."

"Hey Silas," Yuriko waved. Rockbruise snapped their head towards the priest in disbelief—shock at how casual the angel was? She certainly didn't fit conventional images of a 'divine being.' "How's Lydia doing?"

"She's in good health and spirits, Lady Yuriko," Silas raised his head. "Mira's been babysitting her, but the kid's doing just fine. If you ever want to hop by, our doors are always open."

"Great!" Yuriko's smile shone just a tad more genuinely. Draudillon's heart ached in relief; it was heartening to see the angel take well to the small-talk. "I didn't know Mira was babysitting though. And um, you guys can stand up too if you want!"

'Maybe being around me stresses her,' the intrusive thought smothered the budding solace. 'Wouldn't be surprising—all I do is give her more and more work.'

Her stomach sank at the unwelcome notion. It wasn't true; Yuriko wouldn't ask her to hold them at night if it was, right?

Right?

"Pretty crazy, eh? Oh! By the way, you should've seen her and Lady Rockbruise here—" The rest of what he had to say was cut off by a timely jab in the gut from the blonde in question. "A-Ahem. Apologies for getting off-track, Lady Yuriko." Silas gestured at the Imperial Knight. "Lady Rockbruise seeks your aid in removing a curse that has afflicted her for years."

"Price is no object," Rockbruise hurriedly added. "Whatever you ask for, I'm willing to pay."

"Don't worry about it," Yuriko pushed off from the desk and walked towards the kneeling knight. "Draudillon said she wanted you to help out with some stuff later, so I guess you can pay me by doing that."

"Is that so…" A shadow of resignation crept over Rockbruise's face. Unlike the angel, it seemed she fully understood what that meant. More and more guilt piled up within her, but it would be foolish and irresponsible to pass up an opportunity like this. "Very well. I've come this far, so what's a little more?"

"W-Well, let's check out that curse first!" Yuriko awkwardly tried to cheer up the Imperial Knight. "See what we're working with, y'know?"

Leinas Rockbruise brushed aside the hair covering half her face.

For all her skill in maintaining a mask of inscrutability, Draudillon couldn't help but grimace. Yuriko, who had no such experience, recoiled: taking an entire step backwards at the horrific sight.

"So even the divine finds me detestable," Rockbruise bitterly laughed to herself and let the bangs fall back over the pus-ridden, scarred tissue. "Forgive me. I meant no offense."

"No, no! It's okay!" Yuriko fidgeted in place. "I was being rude. S-Sorry about that."

Rockbruise cocked an amused eyebrow. For some reason, Draudillon felt a mild twinge of unwarranted annoyance at the motion. "Yuriko."

"Oh, um. Right!" Yuriko reached out to brush Rockbruise's bangs out of the way, halting a few centimeters in front of their face. "May I?"

The Imperial Knight nodded, allowing the angel to move the hair out of the way. "Alright," Yuriko closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "From the top then.『Dispel Magic』."

A veil of light shimmered over Rockbruise's form, but the cursed patch of skin continued to leak its vile fluid as if to insult the angel's efforts. "『Remove Curse』,『Remove Disease』,『Restoration』,『Neutralize Poison』,『Break Enchantment』,『Greater Dispel Magic』,『Heal』,『Greater Restoration』,『Greater Heal』—"

Rockbruise glimmered as Yuriko bestowed blessing upon blessing. It wasn't like the spells were useless—even Draudillon could make out the differences in the Imperial Knight: the bags under their eyes banished alongside the exhaustion weighing down their posture, skin glowing with renewed vitality, their body gently refined into the image of health itself.

But in spite of all that, the curse remained.

"Shit," Yuriko muttered with a flushed face, growing increasingly flustered with each spell that failed to relieve the knight's malediction. "Nothing's working…『Sacred Renewal』."

A pulse of holy light washed over the room, filling Draudillon with a sense of cleanliness unrivaled by even the hallowed grounds of the Theocracy's greater temples. Even Silas couldn't completely bite back a murmur of disbelief at the almost casual show of divine authority.

It still wasn't enough.

"『S-Sacrament of Araboth』?" Yuriko cast her most outlandish spell yet: seven ethereal wings sprouted around Rockbruise before cocooning them in a sublime caress—each wing imparting the knight with a small, but resplendent droplet of the undiluted empyrean. "C'mon, c'mon… that had to work."

It didn't. For all the strength and mana that surely powered the spell and those that preceded it, the invocations could not restore Rockbruise, not in the way the Imperial Knight wanted.

"Those are all the normal spells I've got," Yuriko helplessly looked back at Draudillon. "I… I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. If none of those worked…"

"I, I see," abject disappointment flashed across Rockbruise's face before they bowed their head to the angel. "Regardless, I thank you for the aid you could give, Lady Yuriko."

Draudillon rose from her chair, walked around the desk, and clasped one of Yuriko's hands between both of her own. She ignored Silas's raised eyebrow—Rockbruise still had their head facing the ground—and struggled to find the words she knew the angel needed. "Yuriko… it's okay. You've done more than what anybody could ask of—"

"No, wait!" The angel's eyes widened with a desperate, manic hope. "I can still try one more thing!"

Without any further warning, indecipherable spell circles formed around the angel, exuding a staggering pressure as arcane energies were channeled between them—mana building up into a luminous pillar that flooded the office and shed a soft blue light on all present.

'Super-Tier magic,' Draudillon immediately recognized the tell-tale signs of thaumaturgy beyond the scope of ordinary Tier Magic. The appearance and feeling were identical to the one they had used in the depths of the Beastman Country's Archives—though with a difference in function this time. 'Makes sense that she wouldn't want to resort to this method first.'

That being said, what kind of magic could prevail where even Yuriko's most potent words of healing failed?

'Yuriko, why are you going so far for her?' Draudillon kept the question to herself. After all, what was the point of asking when she already knew the answer? 'You've helped countless others already. Nobody will fault you for a few failures.'

Nobody except the angel themself, and in the end, what good was the approval of others if you couldn't find the same approval from yourself? Draudillon knew that better than anyone.

"『Wish Upon a Star』," the radiant beacon burgeoned and brightened as an unnatural—but so very primordial—hush fell over the room, the World itself seemingly waiting for Yuriko's next words. "『Please remove Leinas's curse!』"

A swirling maelstrom of power flooded into Rockbruise until every last wisp had permeated their existence. Parchment floated to the floor with the dwindling of the winds and revealed that Leinas Rockbruise—

Was still as cursed as the moment she'd walked in.

Draudillon was almost too afraid to look at Yuriko's expression. The crazed spark that had been driving her flickered before extinguishing completely, leaving behind weary eyes and a trembling, thin-lipped mouth on the verge of crying.

"『Gate』," a shaky hand slashed through the air, opening a rift to gods-knew where. "I need—I need to go. Gonna go w-work or—sorry. I'm so sorry for, for being use—useless, I'm s-sorry."

"Yuriko, wait—"

"I-I'll be back," the angel's voice cracked as she pushed Draudillon away and nearly ran through the portal before it twisted into nothingness.

The tenseness in the room felt thick enough to cut. Both Rockbruise and Silas glanced at her before looking at each other, barely keeping back from squirming in discomfort.

"I think," Draudillon began, slowly turning around to stare at Rockbruise and the priest. "You two should probably leave."

"Y-Yes, Your Majesty," the Imperial Knight bowed one last time and hurried out the room with Silas in tow.

With a click, the door closed on their backs and left Draudillon all by herself.

Herself and nobody else.

She walked to the desk with heavy, mechanical steps and plopped down on her seat: unsteady fingers reorganizing the documents that had been scattered moments prior.

W-Work. Right, she should focus on work. Yuriko probably didn't want to see her now, not if they teleported away like they did. She needed to remain calm, give them some space, and exercise patience.

A damp spot marred the grain inventory report before her.

So why did she want to scream so badly?


"I apologize for summoning you on such short notice," Draudillon addressed the jaded middle-aged man sitting opposite her. "Lord Borza, have you given any thought to my request?"

Four days. Four days since Yuriko's failed attempts at healing Rockbruise. Four days since she flew off to… wherever.

It wasn't as if they completely disappeared. To Draudillon's eternal relief, the angel still returned to her side every night, if only to depart in the morning before she awoke—leaving behind breakfast and small notes detailing what they were doing for the day.

'She could just talk to me,' the dragon queen bitterly thought before reprimanding herself. 'No. Isn't it obvious she isn't comfortable with doing that? You brought this upon yourself, Draudillon.'

"Your Majesty," Nistor Lacramei Del Borza rubbed the back of his hand with a thumb—a nervous tic. "I… Excuse me for my rudeness, but I only came here out of respect to you and your dedication to our people."

'I didn't save anyone. Yuriko did. And she's barely all there nowadays,' Draudillon gave an unconvincing smile. "You need not feel any shame. Nobody would dare condemn you for refusing to return to the Beastman Country."

Nistor had been the emissary she sent to the demihuman nation during the early days of the conflict. His fate and that of his delegation—well, the beastmen invasions had continued long after their one-way visit.

It was cruel of her to ask—she knew that—and she wanted to go herself, to bear the burden of managing the Draconic Kingdom's hated foes so no one else had to, but…

She couldn't. There were too many tasks that demanded her attention, and overseeing the vassalization process for the Beastman Country took a backseat to ensuring the operations of her own kingdom.

"I thank Your Majesty for her understanding," it was like a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders. "If there's anything else I can do, then I will strive to accomplish it to the best of my abilities."

'As long as it had nothing to do with beastmen,' was left unsaid.

"Of course," Draudillon tapped her fingers on the table. "I believe Lord Yves could use some assistance with his duties in the Theocracy. Send a note with what you'll need and I'll have that alongside transport arranged for you by the end of this week."

The poor man had only been resurrected a few weeks ago: sending him on a sinecure to the Theocracy was the least she could do considering how he suffered under the ministrations of the beastmen so many years ago. Even now, Nistor had yet to open his mouth about the visit.

"I shall do so at once," he rose from his seat and dipped in a low bow. "By Your Majesty's leave."

Draudillon nodded and watched the beleaguered nobleman exit the room under the watchful gaze of winged sentinels. Once she was sure he was out of earshot, she slumped her head on the desk and heaved a long sigh of exhaustion.

'It's just like before,' she tried to convince herself. 'Why are you expecting her to come visit you during the middle of the day?'

If it was only that, then Draudillon believed she wouldn't be fretting as much as she was, but even the priests under the angel's management had asked her about their whereabouts.

"What am I waiting for?" Draudillon muttered. "I should just go see her—"

"See who, Your Majesty?"

"The angels didn't keep you out?" The dragon queen snorted, unable to work up the energy to feel startled. "Go away. Not in the mood for this."

"If Your Majesty says so," Martin dropped a thick packet of proposals in front of her. "Is it Lady Yuriko? To my knowledge, Your Majesty has been seeing her every night, so forgive me if I find it strange that you're so concerned about her."

His eyes narrowed. "It's none of my business what Your Majesty chooses to do at night, but people will learn of it eventually. Just what is your relationship with her, Your Majesty?"

"She's courting me," Draudillon angrily snapped. "Now you know. Happy?"

"I see… that's good," Martin contentedly mumbled to himself while taking out a small notebook he quickly began scribbling notes in. "The betting pool will find this to be exciting news."

"What?" Was he fucking serious right now? "You wanted to confirm that for some, some betting pool?"

"Certainly not," the Prime Minister smoothly put away the notebook and changed the topic. Not that it mattered when he already let it slip. "Regarding Lady Yuriko, I am of the opinion that Your Majesty should go and talk to her. Clearly, nothing is being solved by Your Majesty sitting there and moping."

"You see," Draudillon silently promised herself that she was going to bust this betting pool the first chance she got. "The problem is that she doesn't want to talk. You really think I haven't tried?"

"Considering how Your Majesty is inclined to keep everything to herself at the best of times—"

"Fuck off," Draudillon snarled. "I already told you I wasn't in the mood for this."

"..." Martin looked at her for a moment before bowing and opening his mouth again. "I apologize for my rudeness, Your Majesty. That being said, I do hope you give my words some thought—"

"Get him out of here," Draudillon gestured at one of the Gatekeepers. The four-winged angel promptly lifted the irritatingly compliant Prime Minister and carried him out the study.

'He has a point though,' the dragon queen buried her face in her arms. 'Nothing's going to be solved by avoiding the issue.'

And if they weren't receptive at night, maybe they'll be more willing to share earlier: before the day's toil took its toll on them.

"This counts as an emergency," She rummaged for the enchanted twig Yuriko had given her in what seemed like a lifetime ago. "Yuriko Hanami."

The twig vanished into motes of light and then—

Thump!

"Ow," Draudillon delicately rubbed her sore backside before picking herself off the ground. It appeared teleporting while sitting down was ill-advised when the destination did not have a chair. "You're lucky that asshole Martin wasn't here to see this, Draudillon…"

The dragon queen looked around, grimacing as the last remnants of pain dissipated, and noted all the documents piled up in the wooden abode she found herself in. Angels mutely moved in and out from the doorless entrance with parchment and books in their arms, magical lights shone from where they were haphazardly placed on the walls, but there was no sign of Yuriko herself.

"Oh. Hey."

'What—?!' Draudillon jerked at the unexpected glum voice that sounded like it came from below. No, it really did come from below.

"Y-Yuriko?" She knelt down beside the facedown, prone angel. "What… What are you doing?"

"Waiting for my mana to regenerate," her beloved colorlessly replied. "You used the『Refuge』item I gave you, right? Let me replace that real quick—"

"Why are you here?" Draudillon didn't care about some teleportation-capable item right now. "The priests were worried about you. I'm worried about you."

"Sorry…" Yuriko picked herself off the roughly hewn wooden floor and sat with her knees pressed against the floor like a child waiting to be punished, watery eyes unwilling to meet the dragon queen's. "I didn't mean to make everybody worried."

'Shit, stop messing this up,' Draudillon cursed her choice of words. "No, no. It's not your fault, it's…"

There were a lot of things she wanted to say, but now that the moment came for her to voice them, she found her throat constricting, her mouth clamming up, and what once felt so simple in her mind became anything but.

"Draudillon?" The angel prodded her in concern.

'Don't put it off any longer.'

"After we drove out the beastmen, I should've stopped there and been satisfied," Draudillon swallowed thickly and mustered her courage. "But my anger got the better of me, and I hurt you because of that."

'Say it.'

"Yuriko, I… I'm sorry," she turned her eyes aside, too ashamed to meet her beloved's gaze. "I'm sorry for pressuring you the way I have. I'm sorry for not putting my foot down sooner. I, I won't make that mistake again."

"O-Oh… this was bothering you for a while, wasn't it?" She heard the sound of Yuriko's legs scraping on the floor as they fidgeted. "You don't have anything to apologize for. You're not responsible for my actions. I am."

The angel began to say something else, only to close their mouths again in a tormented slit.

"If you don't want to think about it, then you don't have to."

"No, I can talk about it now. Been putting it off, and that wasn't fair to you," the angel fiercely shook her head. "Just, y'know, trying to find the right words, and…"

An air of awkwardness fell over the two as one waited for the other to continue, watching as their breathing grew faster and faster—

Draudillon put a hand over her beloved's, softly stroking it as their chest heaved up and down: struggling for air they did not need yet fought for nonetheless.

"Those kids, they looked at me like I was a monster," Yuriko pulled her knees up to her chest and stared at the ground. "The thing is, they're right. How many of them did I orphan? I," her beloved swallowed thickly. "I can't even remember how many people I've killed."

The six-winged seraph paused. It was an unbearable silence that Draudillon wished she could break were it not for her mouth clamming up.

"I don't think," Yuriko whispered and did it for her. "I don't think I've ever hated anyone as much as myself."

"Yuriko," they didn't resist as Draudillon pulled their head to rest against her chest. "If… If you need someone to hate, hate me instead. I should have said something to dissuade you, should have tried harder, should have done… more."

Should-have's were piling up around her like bodies in a potter's field, and still, she had nothing to show for it.

"Y'know I can't hate you," Yuriko's murmured words filled her with equal parts warmth and self-reproach. "I'm sorry you had to fall in love with someone like me—"

"Don't," Draudillon bit her lower lip as her vision grew blurry. "Don't say that."

"... I keep messing everything up, don't I?"

"You don't."

She meant it. She meant it with every last fiber of her being. If she had to annihilate her soul to prove it, she would have done so in a heartbeat.

"Geez, I wish…" Yuriko cracked a tearful smile and gave Draudillon a gentle squeeze filled to the brim with tender affection. "Love you. I really, really, really love you."

A significant weight lifted itself from the dragon queen's heart, but then why did she feel on edge? Draudillon briefly peered into their moistened golden eyes and immediately understood that the angel was still far from 'okay.'

'It would have been too much to hope that these hurts could be solved so easily, wouldn't it?'

What did she do? Yuriko wasn't one of the subjects she had wearily grown accustomed to consoling over the years, and even then, it was never for the act of killing.

"I love you too," Draudillon rubbed her beloved's head and mulled over the question in her own. "Yuriko."

"Yeah?" The angel curiously raised her head. "What's up?"

"How does…" Draudillon hesitated. The idea sounded laughable even to herself. Even so, she pushed through her hesitation and persisted. "How does a vacation sound? Just, you know… take some time off for yourself. See the world without having to worry about anything for a while."

"What? No!" Yuriko's back snapped straight as she scowled at her partner. "What about all my work? And, and someone needs to protect you too!"

"It's a vacation for a reason," Draudillon dryly replied, unrelenting in her head-rubbing. "You have plenty of summons loitering about Oriculia Castle anyways. I'll be safe."

"I guess…" Yuriko's resistance was crumbling under the twin assault of reason and headpatting. "I'll think about it."

"This is a command from your queen," Draudillon gently teased, relieved they didn't reject the idea altogether. "Take a break and forget about work."

"Fiiiine…"

Draudillon inwardly cheered at her beloved's pout.

"I'll go on a vacation," Yuriko held a finger up. "But, um…"

"But?"

"But I get to come back and visit you every night," her beloved buried their face into her bosom. "And you don't get to work late 'cause that means we won't be able to spend time together."

"Okay," Draudillon easily accepted the compromise. "I promise."

"If I'm being a bother, you can say so," Yuriko's muffled voice arose from her breast. "It's just, well, I don't wanna spend too much time away from you."

Draudillon was certain the angel knew just how loud and quick her heart was pounding. How was staying calm an option after hearing something like that?

"I don't either," she pinched one of their ears, smiling in bemusement as they twitched at the unexpected contact. "By the way, try getting some guildsmen to help you the next time you attempt to build a house."

"Mean…"