Chapter 9: In which fight-fighters are fought fightingly

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AN: Hello all, work is getting crazy, so chapters are going to slow down. Also, I'm going to London this week with my family. Anyways, I found a fanfiction on Ao3, so I'm going to be reading a lot of those when I get a chance. If you have any suggestions, please go ahead.

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Dipper Pines woke up at seven, well past sunrise, and stared at the ceiling for a while remembering the events the previous day. Yesterday, his Grunkle Stan had gotten the cheapest fair money could buy, and Dipper and Wendy walked around the fair. Dipper was having a great time with Wendy and even seemed to making progress into Wendy's heart when tragedy struck.

Dipper was trying to win a plush of indeterminate species for Wendy from a carnival game involving throwing balls at stacked cans. Dipper threw his ball, but it bounced off into Wendy's eye, and Robbie was able to get Wendy as his girlfriend.

Dipper ran into a time traveler, and stole the time traveler's time machine with Mabel. Dipper rewrote the past over and over, while Mabel won her pig Waddles in every timeline. Dipper discovered that the only timeline where Wendy didn't end up with Robbie was one where Mabel helped Dipper, meaning Mable wasn't able to get Waddles. Dipper had to let Robbie end up dating Wendy so that Mabel could get her pig. After the fair, Wendy and Robbie went to the arcade and Soos brought Dipper and Mabel with to the arcade. Wendy told Robbie that she would be gone today, but Robbie didn't seem to be paying attention.

Dipper sighed, and started doing his general muscle training exercises for an hour. Once he finished, Dipper took a shower and ate breakfast. After breakfast, He sat down with Stan, Soos, and Mabel to play poker.

"King me!" shouted Mabel as she revealed her hand of two kings.

"Aww, come on!" complained Dipper.

"It's not fair; she doesn't even know what we're playing!" Stan said while pushing his poker "chips" to Mabel (It's actually Ribz round crackers, the GF version of Ritz.).

"Go fish?" Mabel guessed, causing Stan and Dipper to groan.

Suddenly, some mid electric guitar music entered through the open window.

"Hey dudes, I think I'm picking up a radio station inside my head." Soos said.

"Ooh, ooh, see if you can change the channel by blinking." suggested Mabel.

Soos blinked, but the music stayed the same. "Nope"

A voice began to accompany the music, crying like a dying goat, "Weeeendy!"

"Ugh, sounds like Robbie." Dipper sighed while putting his cards down.

"Robbie? Isn't he that jerky twerp I see making goo-goo eyes at Wendy all the time?" Stan said.

"He called me Big Dude once. I know I'm a big dude, but it kind of hurt." Soos added.

"Should I sic Waddles on him again?" asked Mabel with Stan nodding in agreement. Waddles, Mabel's pet pig she won the previous day, snorted and sat up.

"No, I'll handle this." Dipper said as he stood up. The three sitting around the table oohed, and Stan ran into the kitchen.

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Robbie Valentino continued his serenading of the mystery shack. "Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! Wendy? C'mon out, girl! C'mon down!"

Dipper interrupted Robbie, "You realize she's not here, right?"

"Yeah, of course." Robbie continued playing his guitar until he realized what Dipper said. "What!?"

"She's out camping with her family today." Dipper answered before muttering, "Maybe if you listened to her for once, you'd know that."

"What was that?!"

"I-I just said she's not here." said Dipper while thinking both, 'just because you want death doesn't mean you should be deaf' and 'I sure hope this teenager doesn't do something stupid.'

The teenager did something stupid. "No, no, no! You want to get into it, huh? Let's get into it, kid! You think I don't know what's been going on, huh? It's obvious you've got a thing for my girlfriend, don't you? Don't you?"

"What? No! C'mon man!" Dipper stuttered nervously.

"Yeah, I'm sure she's just dying to ask out a 12-year old kid who wears the exact same shorts every day." Robbie said sarcastically. "Hey, here's an idea: why don't I call her right now and see if she wants to go out on a date with you?"

"Hey! Look! Don't! Y-you don't have to!"

"Oh! Don't! Please, man!" Robbie mocked Dipper while holding up his phone which was dialing Wendy. "What are you gonna do, huh, huh? What, what?"

Wendy answered her phone and asked, "Hello?"

Before Wendy could say anything else or Robbie could talk to her, Dipper, fueled by panic, punched Robbie in stomach, grabbed Robbie's phone, and hung up on Wendy.

"Ugh, you punk!" roared Robbie, jumping towards Dipper. "Give me back my phone!"

The two boys were interrupted from one of the shack's windows by Stan. "Hey! I know a fight when I see one! Stay right there!"

Robbie ran towards Dipper, reaching for his phone. Robbie knocked the phone out of Dipper's hand, but didn't manage to get a good grip on it so the phone fell to the ground. The phone survived its fall, but when it hit the ground it opened Robbie's photos app.

"Wait, is that you in a cowboy costume? I was really expecting something more emo." Dipper said while looking at Robbie's phone. Not only had Robbie's photos been opened, but a slideshow had been created and had started automatically. The next slide showed Robbie asleep wearing a pink rabbit onesie, the photo presumably being taken by Robbie's parents.

Robbie finally woke up from his shock and grabbed his phone and stuffing it in his pocket. Robbie relaxed slightly after hiding his phone, before realizing Dipper saw the pictures. "You! You saw nothing. In fact, I better make sure you can't remember anything. No one can know about this side of me!" Robbie began to advance on Dipper while palming his fist (the threatening thing where you punch your open palm), causing Dipper to back towards the Shack.

Just as Robbie was about to charge Dipper, he saw something inside the shack. It was Grunkle Stan with a pair of brass knuckles, glaring at Robbie. Robbie would normally have postured, but something about Stan frightened him, so Robbie instead told Dipper, "You. Me. Circle Park. 3 O'clock." Before stalking away.

Stan came up behind Dipper with a bucket of popcorn as the younger Pines was catching his breath. "Aw, he's gone! I was gonna call the boys over to place a few bets." Stan paused to take a bite of popcorn. "The smart money's on skinny jeans." Dipper was to disturbed to respond to Stan, so Stan rested his hand on Dipper's shoulder, having already ditched the brass knuckles, "You alright kid? Let's go inside."

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Dipper paced back and forth in front of the table where minutes previously he was playing poker fish while Mabel, Soos, Waddles, and Stan looked on with concern from their spots around the table. "What was I thinking?! I can't fight! I've never been in a fight before! Look at these noodle arms!" (ironically enough, because of his exercise program, Dipper has more muscles than Robbie.)

"Just bonk him over the head! It's nature snooze button." Stan suggested.

"Boys. Why can't you just learn to hate each other in secret? Like girls do!" said Mabel.

Stan snickered at Mabel's opinion. "Sure, listen to your sister! Maybe you can share dresses too! Ha ha ha ha!"

"Maybe he'll just forget about it." Dipper muttered. "Maybe it'll all just blow over."

"I don't know, Dude. Teenagers are, like, super dangerous. Those hormones turn them into, like, killing machines!" Soos warned.

"Really?!" asked Dipper aghast.

"Oh yeah, dude. My cousin Reggie got in a fight with a teen once. The guy broke like, all his arms, all his legs, and I think killed him or something, I don't know. Me and Reggie were just talking about it."

'What do I do? Robbie's gonna kill me! If only I knew someone who was good at fighting… wait. Could Technoblade help me?' Dipper thought to himself.

Grunkle Stan decided to impart some wisdom. "Look, kid. You got yourself a choice here. You can either go face him like a man, or hide like a wimp."

"I'm… going into the woods for a while." Dipper said walking towards the door. "I'll be back later!" He shouted at threshold before running between the pines surrounding the Shack.

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Techno was walking through the woods when he heard footsteps approaching. He positioned himself under a decent sized branch from a nearby tree, and used /top.

Yodasstick: Hax! Mods! Techno's hamking!

Average_techno_fan: Techno's brain is too big!

Pathoftheswole: why use /top when you could get a workout climbing, dude?

ChadwickChadeusChaddington: whilst I do not espouse sorcery, at least thine clothes shalt not get ripped, unlike thine body.

Yallneedhelp: I just got back, what happened?

Def_not_a_stoner: Yallneedhelp, Techno used /top again

Yallneedhelp: Wait, techno are you modded?

"I don't think so, /give didn't work, neither did /time or /weather."

Def_not_a_stoner: sadge.

While chat continued "discussing cordially" whether /top was cheating, an oversight, or just a big-brained move, Techno trained his senses on the footsteps. The footsteps were following the path he had laid out from the Mystery Shack to his home. As very few people knew that the trail existed, Techno had a fairly good idea of who was approaching and decided to do a little trolling. Using advanced parkour skills, Techno jumped from tree to tree like an overgrown squirrel until he was directly over the force of the footsteps. Unsuprisingly, it was Dipper.

Techno dropped silently behind Dipper, not taking any damage thanks to the diamond Feather Falling IV boots he had found in the nether. Techno had broken off a stick from the branch he was standing on previously and threw it to the left into a bush. The sound of the bush rustling caused Dipper to focus all his attention to the left, which Techno took advantage of to get in front of Dipper, stopping mere inches from Dippers head. When Dipper decided there wasn't anything important in the bush, he turned back towards Techno's home and was surpised to be face to face with Techno.

"Aaaaahhh!" screamed Dipper as he fell backwards onto his butt.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Techno laughed before offering Dipper a hand in getting up. "You should have seen your face. I really need to start training your awareness."

"Technoblade! Speaking of, could you start teaching me how to fight? I need to defend myself from this teen that is being a jerk." asked Dipper

"I did promise. What's our timeframe?"

"I need to be at circle park by three."

"So roughly four and a half hours? Alright, let's start. Also, you can just call me Techno." With a backing track of Make a red outta you by CeruleanOak, Techno began to teach Dipper how to punch, how to kick, how to get hit, and how to fall. Dipper needed to be able to fight in a few hours, so Techno didn't push him to the breaking point, but just drilled the basics into Dipper. After the first few hours, Techno told Dipper to take a break and handed him a baked potato for lunch.

While Dipper was eating, Techno decided to show off for his young apprentice by running through a more advanced set of moves involving jumping several meters up in the air, punching through the trunk of a tree, and bouncing between trees so fast Dipper had difficulty following him. After Dipper finished, Techno began to spar with Dipper.

Finally, the time had come. Dipper and Techno set out to Circle Park, with Dipper ready to face his fate, and Techno coming to watch his student in action.

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Robbie Valentino was surlier than usual. Not only had he been humiliated by a twelve year old who was aiming for his Wendy, with said twelve year old actually standing a chance with her, but when he came home to prepare for the fight at Circle Park, his parents, who are much to cheerful to be funeral directors, made him spaghetti in the shape of a smiley face. Robbie decided to blow off some steam by going for a jog in the woods.

When he was in the area behind the Mystery Shack, Robbie heard some strange noises deeper in the woods. Robbie decided to investigate, and peeked around a tree just as Techno took out a tree with one punch.

"That, young apprentice, is what you will be able to do one day," Said the massive humanoid boar, talking to someone Robbie couldn't see. "Whichever nerd challenged you to a fight won't stand a chance!"

"Maybe I'll even be able to beat you one day!" exclaimed a young voice Robbie recognized as belonging to Dipper.

"Heh. If you wish to defeat me, train for another a hundred years!"

Robbie slowly baked away from the new clearing, shaking in his off-brand toms, as he realized the gravity of his decisions. 'If that Pig-thing was teaching the kid how to punch through a tree, I'm fucked! I can't get help, because then people will know I couldn't beat a kid in a fight, but if I actually fight him, I'll die! Death or dishonor, death or dishonor?' Robbie walked back into town on autopilot. 'And even if I can beat the punk, his teacher will beat me into a pulp! I gotta hide, but where? The cemetery? No, to obvious. My house? Way to obvious. Circle Park? That would just be stupid. I know, the arcade!' With a destination in mind, Robbie stopped pacing up and down Main Street, and ran into the arcade.

Once inside the arcade, Robbie saw posters for his band, all of which were captioned "You're dead!" . 'If only it was yesterday, when I still had a future,' He thought. 'No matter what I do, my social life will be dead, and I'll probably be hunted like an animal.' Robbie followed the eyes of his band's posters which seemed to all be pointing towards the Fight Fighters arcade machine. 'What the heck, I'm already going to die, might as well have one more good memory.'

As Robbie started to put quarters into the machine he dropped one and it rolled beside the machine. Robbie bent over to retrieve the adventurous quarter, and noticed something etched into the side of the arcade. 'To unleash ultimate power, is this a cheat code? Back, back, hold, forward, back, forward, down, hold, quarter circle, forward, triple punch. Huh, why not. I have always wanted to beat the game as Rumble McSkirmish.' Robbie entered the code, and the arcade machine shut off.

"It was just a scam!?" Robbie asked offendedly, before sighing, "That sucks. Well, I guess I'll just go home and… What!" he shouted as a bright white light emanated from the arcade screen.

"Select your character!" shouted a loud voice through the arcade cabinet's speakers.

"Uhh… Rumble McSkirmish?" said Robbie.

Robbie watched in awe as a shape seemed to get closer before breaking out of the machine. Emanating from the shape was a macho voice saying, "Kick, kick, kick, kick, KICK!"

Robbie stumbled back from the now real Rumble McSkirmish. "What, you're real!?"

"GREETINGS, EMO-BITCH-BOY! I AM RUMBLE MCSKIRMISH, FROM THE U. S. A! PUNCH! KICK! PUNCH! KICK!"

"Hey, I'm not an emo-bitch-boy!" the emo-bitch-boy complained, his voice cracking in anger.

Rumble McSkirmish simply ignored Robbie, having noticed a change machine. "CHANGE MACHINE! CHANGE ME INTO A POWERFUL WOLF! HWAAAAH!" Rumble said while destroying the machine.

'With Rumble, that Pig-man won't be a threat, and I'll be able to keep my life.' Robbie thought before turning to the pixilated warrior. "Hey, Rumble, you're a pretty good fighter right?"

"I AM ONE OF THE BEST IN THE WORLD! YOU MUST TAKE ME TO THE SOVIET UNION SO I CAN PROVE I AM THE STRONGEST!"

"That… is going to be a bit difficult. But, if you're looking for a fight, there's going to be one at Circle Park in like two hours."

"MAXIMUM POWER?"

"I… was challenged by this punk to a fight because he was hitting on my girl, but he has a boar man thing as a trainer, and if the boar thing gets involved, I'll die!"

Rumble processed this information through his American-Japanese frame of reference. 'A duel of honor over a maiden, but the opponent's sensei is getting involved? Clearly, the sensei is wrong, but perhaps the student can be brought back to the path of righteousness.' "FEAR NOT, EMO-BITCH-BOY! I SHALL STOP THIS EVIL PIG, AND BRING THE YOUNG MAN BACK TO THE PATH OF GOOD!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever, let's just get going."

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Dipper walked by himself into Circle Park. Techno said he would be watching from the woods between the park and the lake, but wouldn't show himself because the park was close to an important part of town. Dipper saw Robbie and walked over to him. "Alright man, are you sure you want to do this?"

"Ha, I don't fear you! Besides, I have a secret weapon." Robbie said gesturing to a thin tree. From behind the tree stepped Rumble McSkirmish, previously impossible to see because he had turned sideways.

"Wait, is that Rumble McSkirmish?! AAAAHHH!"Dipper shrieked in a high-pitched voice. Robbie and Rumble McSkirmish looked at Dipper strangely, and he coughed into his fist before saying in an artificially deeper voice. "Sorry, just got a little excited."

"SO, ROBBIE, WHEN WILL THIS WARRIOR ARRIVE FOR THE DUEL? I WISH TO, PUNCH!"

"This is my opponent for the duel." Robbie said before realizing something. "Hey wait a minute; you knew my name the entire time? Why were you calling me names?"

"OF COURSE, I SAW IT ON YOUR PROMOTINAL ARTWORK!" Rumble said while pulling one of Robbie's band's posters out of the power-up slots before throwing it backwards over his shoulder. "I CALLED YOU WHAT YOU ARE, BUT THERE IS NOW A CHILD-BOY! I WILL NOT SWEAR IN FRONT OF HIM! IT WOULD BE, UNAMERICAN AND, DISHONORABLE!" Rumble said, before realizing what Robbie had started with. "SURELY THIS BOY-CHILD ISN'T YOUR FOE, AND IS JUST A REPRESENTATIVE? WHAT A COWARD, TO SEND A MESSANGER, INSTEAD OF FIGHTING LIKE, A MAN! PUNCH!"

"Nope, this punk was trying to get my girl, so I challenged him to a fight."

'To think a young man with such potential would end up like this. Surely his master is pure evil! I shall save him! But first, I must defeat him so he respects me, as evil only respects strength.' "ROBBIE, STAND ASIDE! I MUST DEFEAT THIS CHILD-BOY IF THERE IS ANY HOPE TO SAVE HIM FROM EVIL!"

"Sure, go ahead man." Robbie said, pulling out his phone to record Dipper getting kicked around like a ragdoll.

"Wait, Mr. McSkirmish, I'm not evil! I don't want to fight you!" said Dipper panicking. "We can just talk this out, right?"

"NO, EVIL MUST BE, PUNCHED, OUT OF ANYWHERE IT POSSES! YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO USE YOUR, EVIL MIND TRICKS LIKE, LOGIC, OR ARGUMENTS! PUNCH! KICK!" Rumble said, before charging Dipper.

"FIREBALLTHROW! LIGHTNINGBALLTHROW! FIREBALLTHROW!" Rumble shouted while using the named abilities. Dipper dodged the first fireball, used a metal part of the park to redirect the lightning into the ground, but was hit by the final fireball.

"YOU FIGHT WELL! ONCE I BEAT THE EVIL OUT OF YOU, YOU WILL BE A GREAT FORCE FOR GOOD! HAHAHAHA!"

Dipper used Rumble's temporary distraction to close the distance, landing an uppercut and kicking off Rumble's chest to gain some distance and landing with a backflip. Rumble's percentage of health went down by three percent, but Dipper was already down to sixty-five percent. "YOU USED MY DISTRACTION, I WILL HAVE TO UP MY DIFFICULTY!" Rumble exclaimed as he dashed at Dipper. "PUNCH! PUNCH! UPPERCUT! DOWNERCUT! KICK, KICK, KICK!"

Dipper had dodged the first punch, but the second caught him and pulled him through the rest of the combo. He was thrown into a tree with the last kick, and was left with just one percent left, but still pulled himself onto his feet. Dipper stumbled forward, barely able to hold himself upright, as he balled his hand into a fist. 'I've got one more punch, I've got to make it count!'

"GOOD, YOU DID NOT GIVE UP! SOON YOU WILL LEARN, HONOR AND DISCIPLENE!"

Dipper staggered forward, ready to punch, as Rumble charged him like a bull. Right before Rumble rammed him; Dipper threw his punch and closed his eyes. A second passed, and then another, but there was no impact. Dipper cracked his eyes open, and saw a crimson cloak belonging to a familiar Piglin.

"Techno?"

"Sit this one out kid, he's out of your skill level." said Techno, having blocked Rumble's punch with his shield and equipping The Orphan Obliterator. "Bruh, why are you actin' like a nerd? Why are you attackin' my first disciple in this world?" Techno asked Rumble.

"SO YOU ARE THE MASTER?! I AM BOUND, BY HONOR, TO DEFEAT YOU AND FREE THAT YOUNG MAN!"

"I see we'll have to talk in the only universal language." Techno said before chugging a strength potion as Gravity Falls Fight Fighters Remix by MustacheSquid6 began to play.

Techno and Rumble rushed each other, hitting each other with a great smash. Techno used his shield to force Rumble back a few steps, but Rumble grabbed the edges of the shield and threw it to the side. Techno yanked his arm out of the shield straps and punched Rumble's stomach.

"I SEE YOU ARE A, GREAT WARRIOR! BUT I, WITH HONOR, WILL DEFEAT YOU!"

Techno put The Orphan Obliterator into his inventory and pulled out a bow and began to bow spam Rumble. Rumble responded by spamming fire balls, and soon the surrounding park was covered in fire and arrows. Finally, Techno got fed up with all the spam and punched one of the fire balls back towards Rumble. Rumble was not expecting his own fire ball to be used against him, and so was unable to avoid it.

"YOU THINK A LITTLE FIRE WILL STOP ME?! I AM ONLY AT SIXTY PERCENT! HAHAHAHA!"

"Alright, let's get serious." said Techno as he unequipped his bow and walked towards Rumble.

"HOHO, SO YOU ARE APPROACHING ME?! INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY, YOU'RE GETTING CLOSER?!"

"I can't beat your ass without getting closer."

"WELL THEN, GET AS CLOSE AS YOU DARE!"

Techno and Rumble began throwing punches that neither Dipper nor Robbie could follow.

"Ura! Ura! Ura! Ura! Ura! Ura! Ura! Ura! Ura! Ura!"

"MUDA!MUDA!MUDA!MUDA!MUDA!MUDA!MUDA!MUDA!"

The two combatant's fists were clashing together, creating waves of air pushing back Dipper and Robbie from the combat and rocking the water tower in the park. Techno's fists began to bleed from how sharp Rumble was, and Rumble started losing inititive. Rumble knew that against a foe such as this pigman being forced into a defensive position would mean certain defeat, so Rumble risked it all. He launched another punch at Techno, but it was a feint. Rumble's hope was Techno would shift to catch the punch, leaving him wide open, and it seemed to have worked.

Rumble noticed too late that Techno's change in position was, in and of itself, a feint, meaning Rumble was now the one left wide open. Techno launched an uppercut followed by a right hook before tackling the dazed American. Rumble was knocked upside down by Techno's tackle and ended up ostriching himself, head buried underground. Techno jumped up into the air and landed on Rumble's feet, driving him further into the ground.

The same announcer that ordered Robbie to pick his fighter now spoke up. "You lose!"

Robbie saw Dipper picking himself back up, Rumble McSkirmish buried up to his waist in the ground, and the pigman giving Robbie the stink eye before trying to run off. Before he could get far, however, Techno jumped in front of Robbie and grabbed him.

"Let me go you… Pig-man thing! Put me down!"

"Nah."

"W-what? What do you mean? What are you going to do to me?!"

"Wouldn't you like to know." Techno said as he walked towards the buried Rumble McSkirmish. Techno buried Robbie up to the neck in the ground before grabbing one of Rumble's feet and flipping him so Rumble's head was now above ground.

"COME TO TAUNT ME, EVIL MAN!? I WILL GROW STRONGER AND ONE DAY DEFEAT YOU, THS I PROMISE!"

"Bro, chill. I wouldn't have gotten involved if you didn't. Why were you even attacking my student anyway?"

"HE CHALLENGED THIS YOUNG MAN FOR HIS GIRLFRIEND! AND YOU WERE THREATENING ROBBIE INSTEAD OF LETTING THE DUEL PLAY OUT FAIRLY!"

"What are you talking about?" Dipper asked before coughing. "Robbie is the one that challenged me."

Techno handed Dipper a health potion and told him to drink it before turning to his two buried foes. "Bruh, I didn't even know the emo punk existed before today."

"ROBBIE, THEY ARE LYING, CORRECT?! YOU DIDN'T LIE TO ME, RIGHT?"

"Well, the thing about that is, um, kind of?"

'I have been tricked by this emo-bitch-boy, my honor has been violated! I must rectify this immediately." thought Rumble. "I APOLOGIZE FOR MY TRANSGRESSIONS, PIGMAN AND CHILD-BOY. PLAESE LET ME OUT SO I CAN BEAT UP THE ONE THAT CAUSED ME TO BE DISHONORABLE."

"Wait, no, don't! Don't let him do anything to me! Please! I beg of you!" Robbie begged with tears going down his face.

"YOU MUST BE PUNISHED BESMIRCHING MY HONOR! AND THEN, I WISH TO BE TRAINED BY YOU, MAN BOAR!"

"Bruh, as a very wise man once said, 'Murder is not Pog.', so I'm not letting you. Also, my name is Techno and I already have a student."

"IF I DO NOT BEAT UP THE TEEN-BOY, THEN WILL YOU TEACH ME TECHNO-SENSEI?!"

"Fiiiiiiiiiiinnnnne."

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Techno and Rumble walked off before someone noticed the video game man or the piglin, leaving Dipper to start digging Robbie out. "Screw off punk, I don't need your help." Robbie snarked once he got his arms free.

"Yeah? You didn't seem so confident when Rumble was here. Maybe I should go get him?"

"NO! Don't do that!" Just help me out of here and I'll leave you alone, okay?"

"Alright, truce."

"Hey guys! I heard some crazy screaming back here." Wendy said as she walked up to the pair. "Woah, what happened to the park? Robbie, why are you buried?"

"Um, you see…" Robbie started before being interrupted by Wendy.

"You weren't fighting, were you? I hate it when guys fight."

"No, no, we weren't fighting, this… um… crazy bodybuilder beat the kid up, and when I interfered he buried me, yeah! That's what happened." Robbie said as enough dirt was removed so he could pull himself out with help from Dipper and Wendy.

"Okay. Why is the park on fire?"

"Er, some guy with a flame thrower chased the mad man off?" Dipper suggested.

"Yep, that's what happened. Nothing else, nope. Well, bye!" Robbie said in a definitely not suspicious manner before running off.

"I'm just glad my two boys aren't fighting. See ya latter Dip, I'm going to go unpack." said Wendy as she walked away.

Dipper just sat there a while, processing the day's events, before a familiar old man voice called out. "Hey, Dipper! Help me get your sister down from here." Dipper looked up, and saw Grunkle Stan on top of the water tower.

"What is she even doing up there to begin with?" shouted Dipper.

"That's a long story, I'll tell it to you as we get her down." Stan answered.

"It sounds like a really interesting story; I would hate to miss it." Dipper said as he began to climb the water tower.

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"THANK YOU FOR AGREEING TO TRAIN ME TECHNO-SENSEI!"

"Don't mention it."

"OH NO! SOMEONE IS PLAYING MY GAME!" screamed Rumble as he felt himself start to get pulled back towards the arcade cabinet. "NO! I WISH TO BE TRAINED!" With that, Rumble dissipated into code, returning to Fight Fighters until he is needed most.

Techno just looked at where Rumble was before shrugging and continuing on his way.

Def_not_a_stoner: Lmao, that guy had a special font like allmight

Carpediem: Def_not_a_stoner yep lmfao

Average_techno_fan: Techno-sensei! Techno-sensei!

Yodasstick: did you see that goth teen's face? The amount of fear there, it tasted GOOD! We should have done more.

Technofan12321: Yodasstick the kid Techno adopted was trhere, we don't want to traumatize him.

"Chat, what are you talking about? I haven't adopted anyone."

Bananamilkshake: *Dr Evil* Right.

Yodasstick: He's got the adoptza genes.

Def_not_a_stoner: The lie detector has determined that was a lie.

carpediem: Yodasstick, adoptza lol

Average_techno_fan: dadnoblade! Adoptnoblade?

"Chat, I am not going to start adopting people like Phil."

Average_techno_fan: Cap.

Comradecommander: more cap than a drive-by

Yallneedhelp: Jesus Christ Comradecommander

Comradecommander: vhat?

Techno sighed and kept walking, ignoring chat to the best of his ability. A bright light reflected from a valley in the woods, and Techno went to investigate. The valley looked like the stereotypical fantasy glade, with gems embedded into the ground and a faint dusting of light on the trees. In addition to the sunlight, the gems reflected light, coloring the light either pink or blue. A deer walked into the clearing, and Techno pulled out his bow to collect some food. Right before Techno released his arrow, the deer was frightened by something and took off, running into one of the patches of pink light emanating from the gems.

As the deer was covered by the light, it began to change, shrinking from a fully sized 12-point buck into a miniature 1/16 scale. The buck continued running as though nothing had happened, before Techno caught it, as it had started running in his direction. The deer's weight had had changed with its size, and Techno examined it closely.

After inspecting the buck from all angles for a few minutes, Techno walked over to the light refracting off the crystals. He put the deer into the blue light, which caused the buck to begin to grow. The buck immediately ran away, but Techno stopped paying attention to it.

"heh? Size changers? It must be the gems, but can it change anything, or does it have to be organic? Imma do some experimentin'."

Pathoftheswole: Pog bulk up bro

Average_techno_fan: Shrink our foes!

Yodasstick: make them smole!

Bananamilkshake: use it to make a comedically large spoon!

Techno grabbed a rock from the forest floor, and threw it into the pink light. The rock landed, bounced, but otherwise did nothing. Techno grabbed a stick off the ground, and threw it in after the rock. The stick maintained the same size, but the leaf still attached to it began to shrink.

Carpediem: Living things only?

Bananamilkshake: Must be

Techno reached into his inventory, grabbing a potato and walking towards one of the shafts of blue light.

Technofan12321: Giga-potato!

Average_techno_fan: eat yur heart out squid!

Def_not_a_stoner: boil em, mash em, stuff em in a stew.

Yodasstick: Pogtato

Techno set the potato gently down inside the light, and watched as it began to grow. "Chat, we're eating good." He said as he grabbed the now watermelon sized potato and took a bite. It tasted exactly like a normal potato, but larger. "Chat, Chat. Do you know what this means? I can grow smaller, more flavorful potatoes and increase the size. Let's gooooo."

Average_techno_fan: Let's a-fuckin, goooooooo!

Technofan12321: Yodasstick is right, this is pogtato! No, is chadtato

: Technofan12321 I am start an art right now

Istanheysoos: Could you, like, do this to pizza dude?

Def_not_a_stoner: Istaanheysoos, nah, pizza ain't alive

Istanheysoos: Def_not_a_stoner but what if it was?

Def_not_a_stoner: Istanheysoos then I thinks it would

While chat was busy discussing what could be done with this new-found power, Techno walked up to one of the gems and chipped off a piece, pocketing it for use at the farm.

.

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Finished 4/18/2023, Words: 5,305, Written using a pirated copy of Microsoft Word 2007.

AN2: sorry this took so long. On the upside, this is the longest chapter so far! Unfortunately, I'm going to be gone for a week in London, then I'm working for a week, then I'm moving into my grandparents house for the summer to work. I don't know when the next chapter is coming out, but I am not abandoning this fanfic.

Also, Giga I sometimes don't get review notifications. I agree with you Hyperdude5, if anyone deserves to get drop-kicked by Technoblade, it's Gideon.