Chapter 24: *hums 'moves like jagger'*
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AN: Hello. I yet live. I'm just as surprised as you all are.
I've decided to try writing using present tense because it is more exciting, but it is very painful currently. This will be another long one: Tenkate on the discord provided the idea for the Techno side, while someone (I can't remember and your name is now buried under thousands of notifications, sorry) suggested something for the Mystery Twins to do.
Part of this chapter was written while in a voice chat on the discord.
And, we have a Beta now! Please welcome, 空!
Beta's: 空
Discord: eSSP2GtYQS
Also, gonna add this here, TW:
Illegal detainment, Needles, acid on living beings.
(I'll use parentheses.)
[fyi fam i'll be talkin in brackets -S]
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Technoblade walks down a set of marble stairs, deep beneath the ground. He is carrying a knapsack filled with various items that he will need once he reaches his destination. Techno arrives at a pair of iron doors and inserts his keycard into a nearby barrel. With a click, the doors swing open and Techno steps through.
Cookin'streamfan: Hello? What are we doing?
Technofan12321: goin to hell Cookin'streamfan
Average_techno_fan: Technofan12321 aren't we always?
Technofan12321: yep
Bananamilkshake: gimme a sec, Imma start blaring Highway to Hell, my neighbors will love it.
Carpediem: Bananamilkshake Very yes
Dinok: Children, you are scaring the new one. Cease.
Carpediem: okay boomer
ChadwickChadeusChaddington: Carpediem thou should respect thine elders.
THUNDERHOGII: 01001000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 00111111 00100000 01001001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01101110 00111111
Laughteryoga: THUNDERHOGII what?
THUNDERHOGII: 01100111 01101111 01100100 00100000 01100100 01100001 01101101 01101110 01101001 01110100
Laughteryoga: Okay… moving on, Cookin'streamfan we're going to the nether, which is hell.
Cookin'streamfan: oh, okay. Are we tunneling or…?
Yodasstick: why did you have to say tunneling?
Rock'n'Stone: FOR ROCK AND STONE! ROCK AND STONE, TO THE BONE!
Yodasstick: Rock'n'Stone chill with that stuff, dude.
Rock'n'Stone: NEVER! For Karl!
Donde_está_la_biblioteca: Por qué está loco?
Def_not_a_stoner: Pretty sure we're all crazy.
Laughteryoga: Probably
ChadwickChadeusChaddington: Most indubitably.
Bananamilkshake: Yo Techno, why are we going to hell again?
"Blackmail."
[average monday if I do say]
Carpediem: Pfft
Laughteryoga: lol
Average_techno_fan: real
Yodasstick: based
Fanofgameing: Who are we blackmailing today, my lord?
"I'm just thinking here: So far we've had Philza and Ghostbur show up. Thinkin' logically, there's one more seat from my dream, and one more member of SBI missing. Knowing Tommy, we gotta prepare. I mean- let's just get some Withers. Just in case he decides to be his chaotic self, or chooses to start a country. We need leverage. Leverage is good. Listen, I'm still a good person chat, I just need a backup plan in case we discover a wild TommyInnit."
[A wild Tommyinnit has appeared! Charizard, I choose you!]
Average_techno_fan: Seems reasonable.
Bananamilkshake: Sounds about right.
Cookin'streamfan: why are you guys acting like this Tommy guy is a pokemon?
[cause he is duh]
"He kinda is. He's kinda like- like an angry Pomeranian. Small but perpetually angry."
Istanheysoos: Oh, like that one character, Bakubro, from the hit anime That Time I Went to School to Become a Superhero with an Abuser but I Won't let him get me Down.
"Exactly." Techno agrees, before pausing. "Wait, chat, I don't watch anime, I'm not a weeb. Ya gotta believe me!"
[I'm buyin it... I'm not]
Average_techno_fan: Weebnoblade
Bananamilkshake: Technoweeb
"Noooo, my credibility!"
Laughteryoga: Lol
Your_localnarrator: After he finished being overdramatic, Techno realized he had arrived at his destination.
"Hmm? Oh, thanks, narrator." The voices begin to hum in excitement as Technoblade approaches the Nether portal. The spiraling lilac swirls seem to promise adventure and excitement. 'Adventure, huh? That's not entirely inaccurate.' Techno thinks to himself as he steps into the great purple divide.
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"Alright author, who are you?" Dipper questions, absentmindedly chewing on a pen while staring at a conspiracy board in his dark bedroom. A sheet had been draped over the window, drenching the room in shadow. The only source of light is Dipper's lamp. "Who are y- Bleck!" Dipper coughs, his gnawing cracking the pen's shell open and flooding his mouth with ink. "Not again." Dipper complains as he tosses the now broken pen into a box of likewise destroyed pens, labeled "thinking pens".
"Hey Bro-bro!" Mabel exclaims as she ran into the room, holding an item. She jumps onto the bed, knocking Dipper slightly sideways and holds aloft her trophy. "Look what I got!"
"Yay, a filthy green bottle!" Dipper celebrates sarcastically.
"It's a bottle message from Mermando, remember? He was part fish, part shirtless guy." Mabel explains. Then, she suddenly gasps. "What if he wants to hang out?"
"Don't get your hopes- wait, that was actually reasonable?" Dipper asks Mabel in shock as he turns to face her and make sure she hasn't been replaced by the shapeshifter.
"Of course." Mabel says, puffing her chest out proudly. "I am very mature when it comes to romance."
Dipper raises an eyebrow. "Since when?"
"Like three days ago." Mabel replies, pride oozing from her tone. "Now, to open this letter, which will no doubt be Mermando's confession to me, because he realized he couldn't live without me and my wisdom. Thus, he came to me."
'That sure is some maturity.' Dipper thinks to himself as he rolls his eyes.
Mabel clears her throat and begins to read. ""Dear Mabel…", So far so good! "It is with a heavy heart…" So far so good! "That I must inform you, I'm getting married!?""
Dipper sighs and mutters, "And there it is."
Mabel begins to rapidly skim through the rest of the letter. "In order to prevent an undersea civil war... arranged wedding... Queen of the Manatees?!" Mabel looks at the provided photo, and groans. "she's so beautiful! This can't be happening!"
The photo displays a frowning Mermando in a coral crown next to the Queen of the Manatees, Barbara, in a pink dress and a royal crown. However, something felt slightly off. If one were to look closely at Mermando's eyes, you would see a strange blankness residing, as if no intelligence remained. Behind the "happy" couple, Squidkid winces in sympathy, but the empathy didn't quite reach his eyes. (Fun Fact: My family sponsors three manatees in Florida: their names are Margarito, Anne, and Brutus No Barbara, sadly.)
"Oh, Mabel. You'll get over him eventually." Dipper reassures his distressed sister, neither of the twins noticing the oddities of the photo.
"You don't understand, Dipper." Mabel groans, pulling out her scrapbooks. "On my first day here, I made this page for summer romances. Look at my luck." She instructs, pointing to each of her romances. "Turned out to be gnomes, child psycho, made out with his own hands. And now..." Mabel sighs, taping the photo of Mermando to the page and adding the word "failed" in big red letters.
Dipper hops off the bed and walks toward the busted laptop. "Hey, if it's any consolation, my summer mission isn't a huge success either. I'm still trying to find the author of this journal, but with his laptop smashed, I've lost any lead in finding him." he offers.
Mabel follows her twin, still holding onto the bottle when she notices something. "Wait a minute…" She takes a closer look, using the bottle as a magnifying glass before gasping. "Dipper, look!"
"Through your bottle?" Dipper asks in confusion.
"Just do it!" Mabel orders as she passes Dipper the bottle.
Dipper peers through the green bottle, tinting the world green as he looks at the ruined laptop. He notices what Mabel saw: a logo titled "McGucket Labs". Dipper reads it out loud. ""McGucket Labs." Wait, Old Man McGucket?" gasps the young investigator.
"Dipper, you don't think…?" Mabel asks.
"It couldn't be... It doesn't make any sense, unless..." Dipper mutters, beginning to move strings on his conspiracy board. "This matches with this... This goes over here... And then the name... So then, that would mean... Old Man McGucket wrote the journal?!" Dipper gasps.
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Techno blinks, his eyes adjusting to the much darker ambiance of the Nether. He gazes across a vast lava ocean, cliffs of netherrack barely visible through the rising steam from the lava. Ruins of bastions dot the cliffs, and in the middle of the lake an abandoned fortress rests. It is a striking sight: beautiful in its brutality. More importantly, it is a different view than the last time Techno was in the Nether.
[this might be a personal thing but in my opinion nether fog is TOO MUCH you legit can't see nothin in the distance, is it just me? -S]
(that is absolutely true.)
"Hey chat, is it just me, or did the Nether get an update?"
Technofan12321: Yo, nether update 2.0!?
Laughteryoga: if nether update 1.0 took from the Captain Sparkles songs, what is this one based off of?
Bananamilkshake: idk, might be a new update
Average_techno_fan: wonder if moving the nether portal changed where we're linked to?
Yodasstick: My doing, this definitely is. Mustafar, we are on. Require money to fuel my crippling Ketamine addiction, I do.
"You might be right Average Techno Fan, it could be because we moved the portal- though, I don't think it would change this much."
OWCAOfficial: where even are we? You set up some buildings last time, I don't see them tho
"I'm not entirely sure…"
Carpediem: Techno-lost?
Laughteryoga: I thought he was the human gps
"Bruh."
Average_techno_fan: lol
Bananamilkshake: kekw
Techno sighs as he starts bridging out to the fortress, trying in vain to ignore the voices teasing him. Unbeknownst to Techno, a figure stood behind him on a cliff. Techno feels as if someone was watching him and checks over his shoulder. The figure disappeared before Techno could see it, so Techno figures he's just being paranoid.
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Inside the Mystery Shack, Soos the repair guy sings along to the radio while sweeping.
"Am I blanchin', Girl we blanchin', I live up in a mansion!"
Wendy groans. That song has been driving the lumberjack nuts: It's as if ever since it came out, it's the only thing on the radio. "Ugh! I can't get that terrible song out of my head."
"Oh, you mean "Straight Blanchin'" by 'Lil Big Dawg?" Soos asks. "It's the catchiest song of the summer."
"What is "blanchin"? Rappers can't just make up words!" Wendy complains.
"Rappers are visionaries, Wendy. If they told me to eat my own pants, I would do it." Soos says. Just then, the song begins repeating the lyric, "Eat ya own pants, eat ya own pants yeah!" Soos shrugs. "I guess I have no choice." He starts to unzip while humming.
Dipper and Mabel rush through the living room door. Dipper wears a brown backpack full of evidence, while Mabel wears a dog sweater.
"Wendy, Soos, we need to go see Old Man McGucket!" Dipper exclaims.
"We'll explain on the way!" Mabel yells as she and her brother start running towards Soos's truck. Mabel grabs Wendy's hand and drags her along. The quartet run past Stan, who turns around and calls out after them.
"Hey, what about work? Kids!" Stan pauses for a second, questioning what he sees. "Why is Soos eating his own pants?"
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"Old Man McGucket, are you here?" Dipper calls as he, Wendy, and Mabel duck under the chain link fence that Soos is holding up.
Soos follows behind the trio and begins pig-calling. "Here hillbilly-billy-billy-billy."
The mystery solvers round a pile of trash and see McGucket's shack. It is rundown, little more than a few sheets of metal leaning against an electrical pole. Old pieces of wood act as supports, and a rocking chair rests on the roof.
Two of Wendy's friends, Nate and Lee, stand in front of the hovel, holding cans of spray paint and giggling. They had just finished graffiting the front of the building to say McSuckit.
"That's good." Nate says.
"Took an hour to think of this, but it was worth it. Ha!" Lee says, high-fiving Nate, the both of them with far too much pride for such a simple joke.
McGucket emerges from inside and sees the teens. "Get outta here, you salt lickin', hornswagglin!" McGucket yells, chasing them off with a stick. "McSuckit, they got me good." McGucket turns to return inside and notices the quartet. "Visitors! Come, come." McGucket beckons them inside. "Pull up some rusty metal. You're just in time for my hourly turf war with the hillbilly what lives in my mirror." McGuckit says before turning to his mirrior. "Quit starin' at me when I bathe!"
"You can drop the act, McGucket. I know you're the author. You studied the mysteries of this town and wrote this book." Dipper orders angrily, holding up journal 3. Behind him, Soos opens the evidence backpack and lifts it up for Wendy.
"Dude, you're the genius Dipper's been searching for all summer!" Wendy says as she holds the ruined laptop out for McGucket to see.
"Uh, genius? I'm no genius. I've never done nothin' worthwhile in my life. Everyone knows I'm no good to nobody. I can't remember what I used to be, but I must've been a big failure to end up like this." McGucket says depressingly as he looks at an issue of the Gravity Falls Gossiper which details his downward spiral.
"But the laptop has your name on it." Soos states in confusion.
"What about this book? Are you sure you didn't write it? Here, look closely." Dipper tries, flipping through the journal.
"I told you, I don't recall. Everything before 1982 is just a blur. Just a hazy..." McGuckets says, when he suddenly starts screaming. The journal had been flipped to a page detailing something known as the society of the blind eye. "The Blind Eye! Robes, the men, my mind! They did something!" McGucket screams, cowering.
"Who did?" Dipper asks, sensing a clue.
"I... oh, I don't recall." McGucket groans, rubbing his head.
"Oh, you poor old man! No wonder your mind's all... blppt .You've been through something intense." Mabel comforts the hillbilly.
"What if McGucket learned something he wasn't supposed to know, and someone, or something, messed with his mind? We've got to get to the bottom of this." Dipper says, empathetic to McGucket's situation.
"Think, dude. What is the earliest thing you can remember?" Wendy questions.
McGucket pulls down one of the articles, detailing how he was found disoriented at the Gravity Falls History Museum. "This is, I think."
"The history museum!" Wendy gasps.
"Then that's where we're going." Dipper declares.
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Techno bridges over the lava lake with ease, with no Ghasts appearing to try and kill him. He sets foot on the ancient, derelict fortress, imposing in its long-forgotten history… and immediately begins to dismantle it in order to make a sprawling spawning platform.
Cookin'streamfan: What's he doing now?
Dinok: He's building a platform so the undead will appear young one, thus allowing him to harvest their skulls.
Cookin'streamfan: ok… why?
Carpediem: to make WMD's
Cookin'streamfan: what are WMD's?
Carpediem: Weapons of mass destruction. Like nukes. Or your mom hopping into a swimming pool.
TheCouncilOfCringe: Carpediem thou hast posted cringe.
Carpediem: TheCouncilOfCringe it's so sad Steve Jobs died of Ligma
TheCouncilOfCringe: how dumb do you think I am?
Carpediem: yes
Cookin'streamfan: wait Carpediem, what's ligma?
Laughteryoga: oh no
Bananamilkshake: LOL
Aza-Chan: I got an image for this!
Average_techno_fan: *Dark Souls Music starts playing*
Weeb_and_proud_of_it: You fool, you activated my trap card!
Def_not_a_stoner: Ladies and Gentlemen, we got 'em.
Yodasstick: lol
OWCAOfficial: Yodastick what do you know of the Chinese hacker lol?!
Carpediem: you know I gotta do it to em
Carpediem: Cookin'streamfan Ligma Balls
Dinok: Carpediem That wasn't very nice
Carpediem: true, this guy seems kinda new to the internet. Could be worse, he could be Candice.
Dinok: as the youth say, bruh.
Def_not_a_stoner: yo Dinok I've never heard you say bruh before
Technofan12321: woah, I've never heard him use such strong language before Carpediem, what did you do?
Aza-Chan: I got the image!
Aza-Chan: oh wait, we already moved on :(
Back with Techno, he places the last block and wipes the sweat from his brow. Almost immediately, a Wither Skeleton spawns and begins walking towards Techno. Techno flows like water, swiftly closing the distance and striking through the skeletons neck. The body crumples into dust as Techno catches the head. However, Techno accidentally hit the spine too hard, and the skull crumples like the rest of the body.
[water breathing, first form: water surface slash.]
Technofan12321: L
Weeb_and_proud_of_it: Yo that was like one of my favorite Mangas, Vampire Hunter.
Istanheysoos: I love the art design in that one Weeb_and_proud_of_it
Average_techno_fan: So, um… no head?
Yallneedhelp: Average_techno_fan bro
Average_techno_fan: yee?
Yallneedhelp: Why
Average_techno_fan: because
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Dipper, Mabel, Soos, Wendy, and McGucket were sitting in Soos's truck. Well, Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, and Soos were sitting in Soos's truck. McGucket sat in the truck bed.
(Which is, objectively, the best place to sit in a truck. I speak from personal experience. Well, "speak", I write from personal experience.)
[I concur, the truck bed IS the best spot -S]
Straight Blanchin' starts playing from Soos's disc player. "Ugh, Soos!" Wendy screams, drawing everyone's attention and causing them to miss the pair of government agents walking by. Wendy ejects the disc that houses the offending music, and throws it out the window like a Frisbee.
Soos's stare bore holes in the back of Wendy's head as what she had just done caught up to her. "I'll buy you a new one." Wendy promises.
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Techno ignores the voices as more skeletons spawn. He begins to dance between them, beheading each with the ease of a practiced swordsman. After a measly two hours of grinding, Techno grabs his ninth skull.
"That should be enough, right chat?"
Anything_with_ash: moar violence!
Arknaz: It's good, let's go home and nap
Technofan12321: We've barely been grinding for two hours, what happened to the "Grind for two days straight" Techno I used to know?
"Chat, chat- three Withers were enough to deal with all of L'Manburg, it'll probably be overkill for just a wild Tommyinnit."
Carpediem: *Rock eyebrow raise*
Def_not_a_stoner: x to doubt
"It's fiiiiiiiine, don't worry about it."
Ir7s: Maybe a little more, to be safe.
Yodasstick: Go home you should, terrible reception I have here
Rock'n'Stone: get the minerals nearby first
Yallneedhelp: I Agree with Yoda here, the bitrate ain't doing so hot
"Alright, we're headed out." Techno says as he turns back to the bridge. "Hey chat? What happened to the bridge?" The bridge was in pieces, small pieces of five or six blocks separated by massive gaps. Techno checks his inventory for blocks. "Alright, good news: we're staying here a bit longer." Techno pulls out his pickaxe and begins to mine up part of the spawning platform.
Def_not_a_stoner: Omega-lul
Bananamilkshake: we got any elytra?
Average_techno_fan: Bananamilkshake nope.
Bananamilkshake: L
Laughteryoga: Can't use the fly fork either
Carpediem: Laughteryoga ?
Laughteryoga: The trident
Carpediem: Ah
Yodasstick: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have an idea
Technofan12321: Yodasstick ?
Yodasstick: SING!
Yodasstick: It's deep underground, past the bedrock
Carpediem: But don't dig straight down; you'll regret that
Technofan12321: But now you feel brave, equipped with your spade, to roam in these caves
Def_not_a_stoner: Not looking for gold, this stuff's purple, or so I've been told by some people
Average_techno_fan: I'll find a few bricks, where the two of these mix
Yoglabs#7734: With a couple of clicks, i'll be swinging my pick!
Rock'n'Stone: I AM A DWARF AND I'M DIGGING A HOLE, DIGGY DIGGY HOLE, DIGGY DIGGY HOLE!
Bananamilkshake: Rock'n'stone bruh
Def_not_a_stoner: Rock'n'stone why
Istanheysoos: Dude, not cool
Heavyweaponsguy: but vhy!?
Yodasstick: *shakes head disapprovingly* alright, from the top!
Yodasstick: It's deep underground, past the bedrock
Average_techno_fan: Nah, the moments gone
Techno studiously ignores his chat as he collects blocks to escape hell. One would think after the unknown millennia, Techno would be used to the voices being strange, but they will always find some new way to one-up themselves.
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In the Overworld, the group enters the museum through an opened window into the pioneer exhibit.
"Hello? Anyone here?" Soos calls, apparently not realizing that this is a stealth mission.
"All right, keep your eyes peeled for anything suspicious." Dipper instructs, bending over to look closer at one of the displays.
Mabel sighs as she walks past a stuffed bobcat without petting it.
Wendy follows Mabel worriedly. "Mabel, are you okay? You just walked by a cat without petting it."
"Oh Wendy," Mabel groans, "everything I look at reminds me of my failed romances. That formaldehyde heart. That romantic diorama. Even this poster of my most recent ex-crush." She gestures to the aforementioned items. Mabel rips the poster of Gabe Benson off the bulletin board she gestured to, accidently revealing a poster of Sev'ral Times. "Ah, come on!"
Wendy pats Mabel on the back while Dipper talks to McGucket. "So your last memory was here. Anything coming back?"
Soos catches movement down one of the halls out of the corner of his eyes. "Guys, look!" he exclaims, pointing to a shadowy figure that dashes into an attached room. The group starts running after the figure, Dipper demanding to know who's there.
The group rushes into the room they saw the figure run into. The room is eye themed, with model eyes all around. There is only one entrance, and a fireplace. The gang looks around in confusion, trying to figure out where the figure went, as it isn't visible anywhere.
"Well kettle my corn. He vanish-ified." McGucket says, scratching his head through his hat.
"It doesn't make sense. Where did he go?" Dipper questions while looking at the displays for secret buttons or the like.
McGucket looks at the walls and starts backing up. "I feel like all these eyeballs are a-watchin' me!" he exclaims, almost backing into wall.
"Wait... they are!" Dipper realizes, following the eyes' sight with his finger. "Move aside." Dipper tells McGucket. McGucket skitters left, revealing a stone carving of an eye. Dipper walks up to it and pushes the stone into the wall. Behind him, the fireplace slides to the side, revealing a secret tunnel.
"Jackpot!" Wendy exclaims.
"A secret passageway!" Dipper gasps, an excited grin splitting his face.
"We'll have to be stealthy. I'll hambone a message if there's trouble." McGucket states before slapping his arms and legs.
"I have… no idea what that means." Dipper says. Behind him, Soos pockets some bread while looking around suspiciously.
The group creeps into the secret tunnel. They hear chanting from up ahead, which clears up into several voices reciting "Novus ordo seclorum." The group peers through a curtain, revealing the source of the voices to be a group of people glad in scarlet robes standing in a circle.
The leader or someone important, evidenced by having a fancier robe, steps forward. "Who is the subject of our meeting?" He asks.
Two more members enter from further inside the secret base, frog marching Lazy Susan who has a sack over her head. The pair recites "This woman" at the same time, one of them pulling the bag off.
"Lazy Susan?" Mabel questions.
The members sit Lazy Susan down in a chair and lock her into it. "What is it that you have seen?" The leader asks. Behind him, the rest of the organization chants "Speak!"
"Uh, well, uh, I was leaving the diner, and there were these little bearded doo-dads! And I was, like, whaa!?" Lazy Susan explains, unconcerned about the men in robes surrounding her.
"There, there." The leader reassures lazy Susan, pulling a strange object out of the box. The object had a pistol grip, a dial with letters, a glass tube on top, and a light bulb where the muzzle would be on an actual gun. "You won't be like "whaaa!?" for much longer." He promises as the other members pull the strings on their cloaks, covering their eyes.
"What is that gizmo? It looks like a hair dryer. Are you guys barbers?" Lazy Susan asks as the leader inputs something into the device using the letter dial. The leader points the device between Lazy Susan's eyes and pulls the trigger. Lazy Susan screams as a blue beam emitted from the light bulb.
The leader finally releases the trigger and turns around. Behind him, Lazy Susan's pupils shrink and she starts to drool. "Lazy Susan, what do you know of little bearded men?" The leader asks.
"My mind is cleared, thanks to the Society of the Blind Eye" Lazy Susan drones in monotone.
Everyone in the room except Lazy Susan throw their hands into the air. "It is unseen!" They chant.
"Oh my gosh." Dipper gasps. "They erased Lazy Susan's memory." McGucket opens the curtain slightly more to confirm Dipper's statement before he hambones a message so foul I cannot write it here.
Dipper, unaware of the egregious assault upon his ears that would make even those that use the black tongue of Mordor shudder, turns to the group and whispers a question. "Guys, are you seeing this? They just wiped Lazy Susan's memory!"
Soos makes a joke to try and lighten the mood. "Heh, they should've wiped off that awful mascara."
Mabel and Wendy both start glaring at the handyman. "I think she looks beautiful, Soos!" Mabel protests.
"She's doing the best she can, Soos!" Wendy agrees.
"Whoa!" Soos exclaims, holding up his hands for a time-out before looking down. "Touched a nerve there."
A pair of the cult members release Lazy Susan from the chair. "Lazy Susan, how do you feel?" The leader asks.
"I feel great!" Lazy Susan celebrates, hopping out of the chair onto her own two feet, stumbling slightly. The same pair that released her from her restraints escorts her away, out from the secret hide-out. As she is led away, she further expands on how she's feeling. "I can't even remember what was wrong, or what I'm doing here, or if I'm a man or a woman!"
"Your memories will be safe with us, buried in the Hall of the Forgotten." The leader says to himself as he writes (Lazy) Susan Wentworth, July 29, 2012 on the exterior of the glass tube.
The surrounding members begin to chant. "Into the Hall of the Forgotten. Into the Hall of the Forgotten. Into the Hall of the Forgotten. Into the Hall of the Forgotten." The leader brings the memory tube to a bank drive-through vacuum tube, identified by a golden plaque beneath it as to the hall of the forgotten. As he places the memory tube into the vacuum tube, he compliments the chanting and asks if they've been practicing.
"Meeting adjourned." The leader declares, holding his hands out to each side. The members walk past each other, bidding farewell as they leave the chamber. Dipper turns to the group and motions with his hand to advance. The group enters the room and begins poking around.
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Techno bridges his way back across the lava ocean slowly. While he certainly isn't freaked out by the disappearing act his previous bridge pulled, he'd rather be safe than sorry when moving across an ocean of lava from hundreds of blocks above it. So, he builds a wider path and keeps his senses primed for the slightest abnormality.
As he approaches the cliff where the Nether portal is, Techno begins to feel like something is watching him. Techno casually looks back and forth on the cliffside, hoping to see the source of this feeling. He sees a small patch of white surrounded by black partial oval, but when he sweeps his gaze back across the area, the unusual colors are gone.
"Hey chat," Techno mutters, making sure to keep his mouth covered from the cliffs. "Did any of you see that patch of black and white on the cliff?"
Pathoftheswole: No
Yodasstick: Yee
Anything_with_ash: Yeah. Looked like slenderman.
Istanheysoos: Ooh! Or like, the hide-behind dudes.
Laughteryoga: Istanheysoos the hwat?
Aza-Chan: Local legend/cryptid. It hides behind people and can bend itself behind trees and poles like a cartoon character Laughteryoga
Hmyes: Aza-Chan that's right. How did you know?
Aza-Chan: meemz
Hmyes: fair.
Technofan12321: an Enderman spawn?
Bananamilkshake: You guys don't think… Boob boy?
Gremlin_GG: I- what? Who is boob boy?
Yodasstick: Gremlin_GG Ranboo, an old… ally? I'm pretty sure
Def_not_a_stoner: Yeah, Ranboo's chill. Remember when Techno woke up the old man after stealing an apple from Ranboo?
Donde_está_la_biblioteca: Def_not_a_stoner Si, tiempos buenos
Laughteryoga: Oh no, the main character showed up! Run for the hills sensei!
Carpediem: Guys wait, it might just be a random enderman
Cookin'streamfan: I think it might just be a hallucination.
"Bruh."
Aza-Chan: A good number of animations show you wearing glasses. Are you getting old?
"Chat, don't."
Average_techno_fan: Oldnoblade?
Laughteryoga: Techno-old?
Carpediem: Technold?
Dinok: Children, don't tease the old man
Bananamilkshake: Dinok The old man is getting in on it!
Istanheysoos: How old is the dude anyways? Like, if he's actually really old I don't wanna tease him about his body starting to fail.
Fanofgameing: My lord has been around since before the beginning.
"Bruuuh~. I'll tell Phil you were bullying me, chat."
Carpediem: oh no, don't get oldza! Don't be a boomer!
Laughteryoga: Yo dadza
Techno sighs deeply, questioning why he ever thought it was a good idea to ask chat anything. He resumes construction of the bridge before he, once again, catches sight of the anomaly. Techno does not communicate with chat this time as he throws an ender pearl at the cliff. The pearl rips through the air, shattering on the ground in front of the shape.
Techno strikes like a serpent. He pulls his sword from its sheath and launches himself forward to catch the abnormality. The source of the patch of black and white seems shocked by Techno appearing in front of them. Techno closes the distance and holds his blade to their neck.
The onlooker screeches before they glow bright purple and with a vwoop teleports several blocks away, stumbling backwards and landing with a thud on its back. Techno hurls another pearl at the foot of the figure who crab walks backwards rapidly. Techno chases the figure until another vwoop echoes through the Nether as the figure teleports towards the Nether portal. The figures top had been caught on a rock when they were crab walking away, and did not teleport with them.
Techno throws the pearl over the figure, standing between it and the Nether portal. Techno growls as he lunges again. The figure screeches and teleports onto the top of a nearby hill in an attempt to get some distance between it and the terrifying predator chasing it down.
This goes about as well as expected as Techno expertly tosses an ender pearl to land directly in front of the figure. The figure shrieks, once again falling backwards but this time Techno has his sword at its throat before it could escape.
"Wait, Wait, Wait! Chill! Chill!" the figure begs.
"Alright, but only if my enemy asks me to." Techno responds snarkily before pushing the blade closer to the strangers throat.
"Wait, Someone you used to know sent me!" the figure gasps out desperately before muttering to themselves. "Well, at least I think you're who I'm supposed to find… let's see: Massive Piglin who's terrifying in combat, check. Said Piglin decked out in fancy clothes, check." The figure realizes they had been muttering and turns to Techno. "Would your name happen to be Technoblade?"
Techno looks at them strangely before nodding once.
"Great!" the figure cheers. "I was supposed to find you and tell you, 'Sensei, take in this random child I found. Sincerely, the main character.'"
Techno blinks before groaning. "The kid sent you?"
"Yep!" The figure responds brightly.
Techno heaves a sigh before he reaches down to help the figure up. Now that the immediate threat has been removed, Techno is able to get a proper view of the figure. It is an Enderman wearing black sweatpants and a t-shirt. The patches of white that stood out in the nether were mostly centered on the right cheek and the back of the right hand.
"Hey, can I grab my sweatshirt?" the figure asks.
Techno nods and the Enderman teleports to the hoodie. The sweatshirt is purple with a yin-yang design on the front and had a hood with the see-through fabric so you could pull the hood all the way down and still see where you were going. After they pull it on, they teleport back to Techno.
"What's your name, kid? Also, would you happen to be an orphan?" Techno inquires.
"Oh, right, introductions! My name is Axolotl666!" Axolotl666 says cheerily. (Axolotl666 isn't coming up as misspelled in Microsoft word, and yet Technoblade and Philza get flagged. What is Microsoft on?) [it's prob cause Axolotl is a real word for an animal and not more made up like the other 2 -S] "I'm an orph- I mean, definitely not an orphan, yep."
Techno raises an eyebrow at Axolotl666, not quite trusting the veracity of the statement but shrugs, "come on, we better go introduce you to the old man." Techno starts walking toward the portal and Axolotl666 follows before Techno abruptly stops. "By the way, are you Ranboo's kid?"
Axolotl666 shakes their head.
"Philza is one hundred percent going to adopt you."
They laugh. "That's what Ranboo said."
.
.
"Amazing. A secret society of evil mind erasers." Dipper gasps as he and the rest of the group enters the center of the room. He turns to McGucket, "I'll bet they erased your memory a long time ago. If we could find where your memories have been hidden, it could be the key to unlocking all the mysteries of Gravity Falls." Dipper smiles, the thrill of the hunt kicking in, as he begins giving out orders. "All right, Mabel, Wendy, you two stay here and make sure those robe guys don't come back."
"Whoo! Girl's club." Wendy cheers, ruffling Mabels hair.
Soos inspects the vacuum tunnel when Dipper addresses him and McGucket. "Soos, you, me, and McGucket are gonna go find the Hall of the Forgotten.". Soos turns his head to look at Dipper, and accidentally gets his baseball cap sucked off into the vacuum.
"Follow that hat!" Dipper exclaims.
.
.
Dipper, Soos, and McGucket chase the hat through the museum. They run from room to room, following at a decent pace. Suddenly, a voice interrupts their chase.
"Halt! Is someone there?" A society member yells as he runs towards the source of the noise, backed up by a second member.
"Aah! What do we do? Where do we go?" McGucket panics before Dipper grabs him and pulls him into the pioneer wagon display. McGucket poses as a miner while Dipper is disguised as a baby in Soos's arms. Soos is disguised as the mother because he is soft, like a woman. They get into position right before the society members round the corner into the room.
The first society member hmm'd at the diorama before walking up and attempting to make McGucket's eyes look in the same direction. He pushes them together, and they roll back apart. He pushes them together again, and the roll back again.
"Man, these are really poorly made." He comments.
"I could've sworn I heard someone." The other member responds.
"Probably just the janitor kissing that wax settler woman again." The first reassures as they walk out of the room.
"Whoof! Remind me to erase that from my memory." The second says as they round the corner.
Dipper, Soos, and McGucket sigh in relief before Dipper notices the hat shooting over their heads.
"There it is. Hurry!" he points out.
The trio chases the hat through a pair of rooms. At the end of the second room, the pipe carrying Soos's hat turns vertical. Dipper reaches the pipe first and grabs on carefully before using it like a fireman's pole. Soos looks determined as he slides down after Dipper, and McGucket cackles on his way down.
The pipe leads them to a massive wooden double door with an emblem of an eye that has been crossed out with red paint. Dipper pushes the doors open, and the trio gasps at the sight of hundreds upon hundreds of memory containers stacked in the room. Well, they either gasp at that, or at Soos's hat landing a front flip directly onto the top of a statue of the cult leader.
"Honey fogelin', saltlickin' skullduggery!" McGucket exclaims.
"Man, you have got to teach me some of those old-man swear words." Soos says.
.
.
Back in the memory erasure room, Wendy and Mabel were sitting on the steps up to the central dais. Mabel has Wendy's lumberjack hat pulled down over her head and Wendy inspects some carvings on a nearby pillar.
Mabel sighs heavily. "Hey, Wendy?"
"What's up bud?"
"I hug a lot, I can burp the alphabet, I have scratch and sniff clothing. Why does every boy leave me?"
"Pfft, who cares? Boys are the worst. You shouldn't get hung up, man."
"Maybe I come on too strong, you know?"
"Well, what's your opener? Pretend I'm a boy." Wendy suggests, pulling her hair over her nose into a mustache with sick sideburns. She puts on a deep voice and says, "Testosterone." Before spitting.
Mabel takes a deep breath. "HI! I'M MABEL! I'M TWELVE AND OWN A PIG! WANT TO GET MARRIED?!" She says loudly.
Wendy bursts out laughing. "Honestly, that was perfect." Wendy says, letting her hair back down. "You should just forget about guys, man."
Mabel perks up. "Wendy, that's it. Forget about guys!" Mabel says as she runs over to the chair that Lazy Susan was strapped into and reaching for the memory eraser-inator. Before she can grab it, however, a whining cry echoes through the room.
[nah Doof out here makin memory erasers again lmfao]
"Mabel!" Wendy hisses softly. "Get behind me!"
The female Pines twin slides off the chair and hides behind Wendy, peering out from behind her. Wendy stands stock-still, listening for the source of the cry. Another whine echoes, and Wendy has had enough. She balls up her fists and demands, "Who's out there? I'm warnin' you, my fists are legally considered deadly weapons!"
Mabel's eyes sparkle as she looks up at Wendy. "Really?" She whispers in wonder.
Wendy shakes her head no. Mabel's face falls, but is quickly distracted.
From an alcove on the wall they came in through, a dark figure stretches itself out. The figure wears the robes of a society member, but the robes are old, disheveled and brown, giving glimpses of what the figure wears below. Underneath the robe is a black three piece suit. The figures face is half black and half white, and has a green eye on the black side and a red eye on the white side.
The figure reaches its full height and towers over the pair. The figure is tall and thin, lanky limbs stretching from the body. The figure tilted its head curiously at the intruders, and made a questioning noise. Mabel continues to inspect the figure when she notices something: the figure is chained to the alcove by its ankles and wrists.
"Wendy, I don't think it's with the pajama guys." Mabel says.
"What do you mean?"
"Look, it's chained to the wall." Mabel points out before stepping out from behind Wendy. "I'm gonna go help it."
[did they chain up my boi Ranboo?!]
"What? Mabel, we don't what it is, or if it's friendly." Wendy protests.
Mabel ignores her and walks toward the chained figure. The figure watches her approach as it draws into itself. When Mabel is just a few steps away, the figure begins to whine weakly.
"Hi, I'm Mabel! What's your name?" Mabel introduces herself cheerfully.
The figure opens its mouth to respond, but only a clicking noise comes out. The figure then motions to its neck wear a collar sits. Mabel looks at the collar and notices a liquid of some kind on the inside.
"Do you need that off?" Mabel asks.
The figures eyes widen and it frantically nods.
Mabel reaches into the cloak and fiddles with the collar. She feels all around it and finds a clasp on the back. Undoing the clasp, the collar pulls apart into two separate halves. On the inside of the halves are four needles slowly dripping water and covered in a purple liquid.
Mabel freezes. The purple liquid is the figures blood. The figure coughs painfully, spitting out a mixture of water and blood onto the floor. Wendy stands right next to Mabel, horrified by what she's seeing. The water and blood was reacting on the ground, with the blood bubbling and dissolving visibly as they look on.
.
.
Philza Minecraft was sitting peacefully on the porch. Techno was in the Nether gathering supplies, Ghostbur was in his puppet and relaxing on friend, Proteus was coding something, and .GIFfany was playing a dating sim.
The flock is safe. Phil thought contentedly, before realizing what he thought. Wait, no! Not a flock, I'm not that old yet. A… group of friends where one or two is responsible for a large amount of children, yes, that is what we are.
Apart from the intrusive thought, the day had been mostly peaceful: so, naturally, something came along to interrupt it.
"Old man! The main character is here!"
Phil sighs as he gets on his feet. He is not that old, despite the constant teasing. I mean, he's only a few millennia. He's practically a young man yet.
"How's Ranboo doing?" He asks Techno as the Piglin walks out onto the porch.
"I don't know."
Phil blinks at Techno. "Mate, I thought we went over this. You can't let your social anxiety keep you from checking up on your friends."
"Bruuuh~. I don't know how Ranboo's doin' 'cause I didn't see him. Someone else did." Techno says, stepping aside and letting a second person through the doorway.
Phil inspects the new person, an Enderman in sweatpants and a hoodie. "What's up, mate?"
"Hi! My name is Axolotl666! You're Philza Minecraft, You're the Crowfather! I'm told you're very old." The enderman introduces themselves and leaving Phil a spluttering mess.
Techno bursts out laughing at Oldza. "Even they know what's up. Poor Oldza, everyone knows how much of an old man you are."
Phil's left eye began to twitch. "Techno," He starts calmly, "I hope you're ready to run."
"Why? AAAAAUUGH!" Techno screams as he dodges Phil diving towards him. "Relax, old man. We don't need you breaking anything!" Techno taunts as he runs for his life.
"Get back here you little shit, I'm crafting the belt!" Phil yells as he takes off into the sky.
"Phil, NOO! Don't make me call Child Protective Services again!"
"You're going to need a protection service!"
"AAAAUUUUGHHIEE!"
.
.
"It's very nice to meet you, Axolotl666." Phil says.
Axolotl666 blinks at him blankly, unsure as to how they had gotten there from Techno being hunted by a pissed off old young man. "Um, same here?"
"Phiiiiil!" Techno whines from the roof where he is dangling upside down. "Let me down!"
Phil doesn't ever turn to look at Techno. "You are staying up there until you stop teaching people to call me old."
"But Phiiiiiiil, I didn't even teach them to call you old!"
"Is that true?" Phil asks Axolotl666.
"Yes! Ranboo told me about you and Technoblade, sir." Axolotl666 answers, definitely not nervous about the ancient incredibly young bird in front of them who had very recently demonstrated a propensity for violence.
"That little!" Phil breathes deeply, putting on a veneer of false calm. "Hey, Axolotl mate, where's Ranboo? I wanna… talk to him."
"I don't know." Axolotl responds.
Phil pauses. "What do you mean?"
"He went off to investigate something a few weeks ago and never returned. He told me to go find you guys if he didn't come back."
Techno dropped down from the ceiling, landing on his feet. "Alright, let's go find them."
Phil cawed, summoning his hordes of crows. "Go find Ranboo." The flock flew off into the sunset, casting shadows on the townsfolk below.
.
.
"Woah dudes, look at all these tubes. People must've been getting their memories erased all over town." Soos says as he, McGucket, and Dipper sort through the memory tubes in the hall of the forgotten.
"Whoa, look at this." Dipper gasps, holding a tube titled Robbie Valentino, June 14. Soos pops it into an old computer and the memory begins to play.
.
.
"Tell us, Robbie, what is it you have seen?" The same voice as the person who erased Lazy Susan's memories asked the emo-teen.
"So I was in this gas station, and ghosts showed up! I scared'em off, of course." Robbie claims smugly.
"Robbie, speak honestly." The leader deadpans.
"I was saved by a different ghost and a twelve-year-old." Robbie begrudgingly admits.
.
.
"Why are they erasing peoples' memories? I still don't get it." Dipper asks Soos as they watch the memory. Before Soos can postulate any theories, the pair have their attention drawn by the hillbilly.
"Looky, fellers! It's those words what people call me." McGucket says cheerfully, pointing at a memory tube with his name on it. The memory was on a shelf behind the statue that Soos's hat landed on.
"Oh, dude, your memories. We did it!" Soos celebrates as he grabs his baseball cap and sets it back on his head.
"Grabby, grabby." McGucket narrates, taking the memory tube. "Heh heh, I got it!" McGucket cheers before the various eye motifs in the room swivel to look at him. A klaxon begins blaring, startling McGucket. "The alarm in my brain is a-ringin' again. Gaah!" McGucket notices the eyes looking at him and drops his memory tube.
Dipper catches the memory tube right as three society members burst into the room.
"Halt! Who's there?" The first one cries.
"Oh no!" Dipper exclaims.
"Run!" Soos yells.
Dipper and Soos begin booking it out the other door. McGucket scuttles around the backside of the statue, hiding as the society members rush pass.
"Get back here!" one of the members demands.
"No thanks, I'm good!" Dipper sasses back.
Behind the statue, McGucket is having a mental breakdown. "Oh, you've really tarred it up now, Fiddleford. This is all your fault." McGucket pauses, noticing a band-aid on his beard. "And why does my beard have a bandage? Does that even make sense? Why has no one pointed that out?"
.
.
Dipper and Soos manage to slip their pursuers and hide behind an ancient Egyptian pillar. Behind the pillars is an inky darkness that no light permeates.
"Okay, I think we're safe." Dipper breathes, because he is a fool. Drawn by the fool who had dared to tempt fate, two pairs of hands emerged from the darkness and covered the pair's eyes.
"We playing "Guess Who"? Dude, I know it's you, Dipper." Soos says before feeling the hands that cover his eyes. "Such… big, strong hands." The pair are immediately dragged screaming into the darkness behind the pillars.
.
.
"Oh my gosh, are you okay!?" Mabel yells, rushing next to the figure.
The figure answers in a rasping voice. "It'll… the pain will pass." Before coughing out more water.
"Who are you? And why are they doing this?" Wendy asks softly.
"I'm Ranboo. I don't know why they're doing this to me. They offered to let me join, but I would never steal memories."
Wendy pulls a bobby pin from her hair and walks up to inspect Ranboo's chains. "Great news: I know how to pick these locks." Wendy says.
"How!?" Mabel asks. "Will you teach me!?"
"Your Grunkle, and yes." Wendy bends down next to the chains and starting to unlock them. Before she could do much more, however, a klaxon begins ringing.
"What is that?" Mabel wonders aloud. Suddenly, a large number of footsteps are heard converging on the room. Ranboo begins to panic.
"Run, Hide! Don't let them find you!" He begs the girls.
"But what about you?" Mabel asks as Wendy frantically tries to open the cuffs.
"I'll be fine, get out of here!" Ranboo orders. Wendy hands the Enderman the bobby pin before dragging Mabel away with her. Ranboo watches the pair flee before turning to the collar on the ground and grimacing.
Bracing himself, he puts the collar back on. The syringes pierce his skin and into his throat as he forces back tears. The only saving grace was that there was no water left to slowly drip into their throat. Four society members rush into the room, and the leader walks up to Ranboo.
"Hello beast, have you seen the intruders?" The leader asks in a sickly sweet tone.
Ranboo rumbles at the leader while shrinking into his alcove.
"None of that, now." The leader says, no longer pretending to be kind. "Tell me, and you may be rewarded. Now; have you seen any intruders?"
Ranboo shakes his head.
"No?" The leaders confirms. "Such a pity, if you had I would have removed that collar around your neck. Well, we'll be off to search elsewhere, then." The leader turns away and the other society members march off.
Ranboo breathes a sigh of relief before the leader turns back.
"Oh, one last thing. I need to make sure you're getting enough water." The leader smiles sadistically. Ranboo whimpers as the leader approaches. "Why, this is odd. Your collar should have a few more days of water and yet, it's empty. I had best make sure that collar is still secured." He says, reaching toward the collar.
Before his fingers can grasp it, however, another member calls out. "Ivan, we captured them!"
Ivan begins complaining to himself, Ranboo forgotten. "I tell them a thousand times, "Don't call me by my real name in case the feds are near.". But do they listen? Nooo. I'm only the leader, why would they listen to what I say. Their memory must be truly terrible. I can't believe they can't remember such a simple command."
Ranboo waits until he can no longer hear Ivan complaining before he pulls his collar off, coughing slightly. They immediately get to work picking their locks. Hold on kids, I'm on my way! They think to themselves.
.
.
Dipper, Mabel, Soos, and Wendy are tied to a pillar in the memory room. Ten members of the society surround them.
"Annuit coeptis. Novus ordo seclorum." The members chant.
The leader steps forward, grabbing McGucket's memory tube from Dipper. "You shouldn't have come here. We do not give up our secrets lightly."
"Who even are you bathrobe-wearing freaks?" Wendy demands, absolutely not nervous in the slightest, no.
"Why are you doing this?" Dipper asks.
"And what's with your creepy British accent?" Mabel says, asking the hardest-hitting question.
The leader shrugs. "Well, I suppose we are going to erase your minds anyway." He then nods at the other Society members who, one by one, remove their hoods.
"Toby Determined?" Mabel gasps.
"Bud Gleeful?" Dipper questions.
"That farmer guy?" Wendy asks, shocked. Behind the farmer guy, Tats removes his hood.
"Creepy dude who married a woodpecker? You too?" Soos says, surprised. "How's that marriage goin, by the way?" Soos inquires. Even when he's captured, Soos cares about people, including his own captors. This is why we stan Soos.
"Oh, great, great." Woodpecker guy reassures Soos before leaning in and whispering, "Not great."
"And you've never met me before. And if you had, you wouldn't remember!" The leader declares, taking his hood off. His right eye was crossed by a pair of scars and his bald head had tattoos covering the surface, describing the internal processes. "I am Blind Ivan, and we are the Society of the Blind Eye. Formed many years ago by our founder... our founder... Does anyone remember who he was?"
The other members look around in confusion, trying to remember the founders name before Bud Gleeful Chuckles. "We've been usin' that ray on our own brains an awful lot."
"But why would you do all this? What do you have to gain?" Dipper asks.
Blind Ivan grabs a lemon water spray bottle and squirts his throat before clearing it and beginning his monologue. "As you have no doubt discovered, Gravity Falls is a town plagued with supernatural strangeness. No one knew how to stop the things that went bump in the night, so our founder invented the next best thing: a way for us to forget. We took it upon ourselves to help the troubled townsfolk by erasing the memories of the strange things they've seen. Now the people of Gravity Falls go about their lives ignorant and happy, thanks to us. And as a perk, we help ourselves forget things that trouble us. Everyone has something they'd rather forget."
"Can't you see? This is ruining lives! What about Old Man McGucket? He lives in a hut and talks to animals, thanks to you. Don't you feel bad about that?" Dipper says, trying to solve his problems diplomatically. It doesn't work, of course. After all, the only universal language is violence.
"Mmm, maybe a little." Ivan admits before pulling out a memory gun and shooting himself. "But not anymore. You won't be telling anyone else what you've learned here. Say good-bye to your summer." He states, leveling the memory gun at the fettered foursome.
"Guys, if we're gonna forget everything, I got some stuff I wanna get off my chest. Mabel, for half the summer, I thought your name was Maple, like the syrup. No one corrected me!" Soos says in a panic.
"I only love some of my stuffed animals, and the guilt is killing me!" Mabel cries.
"Sometimes I use big words, and I don't actually know what they mean. I mean, I'm supposed to be the smart guy. If I'm not the smart guy, who am I?" Dipper exclaims.
"Okay, I'm not actually laid back. I'm stressed, like, 24/7. Have you met my family?" Wendy confesses.
"Oh, stop being a bunch of babies." Ivan complains before his hand is hit by a boomer-pan, (Like a boomerang, but using a frying pan), knocking the memory gun to the floor.
""McGucket!?"" The quartet exclaim, watching the hillbilly rush past the other members of the society.
The old man rushes up to the tied-up teens and almost-teens, cutting the ropes with a pickaxe. "And it's not just me!" from the same entrance McGucket came from, Ranboo follows behind him. "I raided the mining display for weapons. Now fight like a hillbilly, fellers!"
Wendy grabs a banjo, Dipper grabs a stuffed raccoon on a stick, and Soos grabs an information plaque on dysentery.
"They know too much. Don't let them escape!" Ivan orders. The members of the society rush towards the group, and proceed to have their asses kicked.
"Who's the guy in the suit?" Dipper asks, dodging a pair of society members.
"A captive! Their name is Ranboo!" Mabel yells, using yarn to tie up anyone who is knocked to the floor.
"he's trustworthy and will absolutely need a therapist after this." Wendy comments, fighting two more cultists.
"Dudes, he's just like me for real!" Soos chuckles as he scares off a member with his dysentery plaque.
"McGucket's memory tube!" Dipper exclaims as he notices it on the ground. He passes the raccoon on a stick to Mabel and rushes to it. He manages to grab it before he is interrupted by Tats.
"Oh no you don't." Tats says before punching towards Dipper. Dipper tucks the memory tube into another vacuum tunnel as he dodges, leaving Tats' left hand stuck in the wall.
The vacuum tunnel ends right next to where Mabel is standing. "Mabel, catch!" Dipper yells across the room. Mabel dives for the memory tube, but just as she is closing her hand around it; it's ripped from her grasp.
"I'll take that, thank you." Farmer Sprott says as he runs away. Soos steps in front of him, holding the dysentery plaque in front of himself aggressively. "Give it up, boy. You're no match for the unstoppable power of-" Sprott orders before Mabel uses the vacuum tube to pull the farmers robe from his body, leaving him in just his underwear.
Sprott yelps in surprise, tossing the memory tube into the air. He then begins lecturing the quartet. "That's right, I don't wear nothin' under my robe. Not gonna apologize for that. Maybe y'all should apologize for bein' a bunch of prudes."
Dipper, Mabel, and Wendy groan in disgust. "Well, time to erase that forever." Soos says with a vacant smile, holding a memory gun up to his head.
Ivan grabs the memory gun from Soos, shoving him to the ground, before turning to Dipper. "Give me that tube." Orders Ivan.
"Never!" Dipper yells, tossing the tube up into the air where Ranboo grabs it and shoves it into a vacuum tunnel. Dipper and Ivan chase after the memory tube. "That memory belongs to McGucket!"Dipper says.
"The Society's secrets belong to us!" Ivan disagrees. He trips Dipper and grabs McGucket's memories. Dipper, Mabel, Soos, Wendy, and McGucket rush towards Ivan, but he pulls a memory gun on them and forces them back. "End of the line. By tomorrow, this will all seem like a bad dream. Say goodbye to your precious memories." Ivan irately grinds out.
Dipper screams and covers his eyes, but the loss of memories never comes. He opens his eyes to see Ranboo standing in front of him. "You took a bullet for me." Dipper says, astonished. Ivan shoots again, and Dipper begins to panic. "Oh my gosh! Are you okay?!"
"Okay as I can remember." Ranboo answers cheekily as he walks towards the society leader.
"What?" Dipper asks in confusion.
"Why! Won't! You! Stop!? Why! Isn't! This! Working!?" Ivan demands, each gap between words punctuated by another shot of the memory gun.
The Enderman continues his relentless advance. "You can't give me memory problems if I've already got'em, bitch!" Ranboo yells before sighing, realizing what they said. "I've spent too much time around Tommy." Ranboo knocks the memory gun from Ivan's hands and knocks the cult leader out with a punch to the head.
As Ivan collapses to the ground, his grasp on McGucket's memory tube loosens and it lands on the ground. Dipper grabs the memory tube before looking around the room. Every society member is accounted for, (and unconscious), allowing the tension to slowly bleed from the room.
"Well fellers, that sure was excitin'!" McGucket cheers.
"Yeah. Yeah! We're not dead, we stopped a cult; tonight was a pretty good night." Wendy agrees.
"What now though, dudes?" Soos asks. "We can't just, like, kidnap the society members. There's too many of them."
"Let's get them tied up first." Dipper suggests. "Then we can decide what to do with 'em."
The others nod and begin to collect the unconscious bodies of the society members. Wendy, Soos, and Ranboo carry the bodies to the central pillar while Dipper, Mabel, and McGucket tie them up. After they finish tying up the prisoners, the group looks on with satisfaction.
A few of the members are beginning to show signs of waking up when Dipper notices some chemical barrels in the corner of the room. He wanders over to inspect them, noting the label naming the contents as Muriatic Acid.
Ranboo cocks his head, as they think they might have heard something. Their feeling is proven true when the others here it too: the sound of footsteps approaching rapidly. Dipper and Mabel shoot each other concerned looks while Wendy, Soos, and McGucket grab weapons.
The echoing of the approaching footsteps made it difficult to tell how many were coming, but there were at least two. The group quickly begins preparing an ambush, with Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, and Soos standing beside the entryway and McGucket hanging from the ceiling. Ranboo moves to join them as he pauses, something about the footsteps seeming familiar.
The thunder of feet draws closer, adrenaline begins to flow, and Soos flips his hat around so it won't get in his way. The footsteps reach right outside the door without slowing down even slightly. Weapons are raised, prepared to be swung, when Ranboo suddenly yells.
"Wait! I know those footsteps!"
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Techno and Phil rush through the streets of "downtown" Gravity Falls. One of the crows had returned with information about Ranboo, and it wasn't good. Some of Ranboo's blood was on a window sill, long dried. The crow had explored further into the museum and found a series of secret passages and tunnels inhabited by scarlet robe wearing cultists. More disturbingly, a design for a collar that had syringes to put liquid directly into one's throat was discovered on a workbench.
Phil's heart sank as he heard the report, and he took off to fly directly to the museum before Techno pulled him down and reminded him it was still light out. They left Ghostbur in charge of Axolotl666 and began booking it towards the museum.
It was far too quiet when they arrived, with none of the cultists being visible. One of the crows that were sent ahead flew back and caws at them to follow it. Techno and Phil follow the bird to an ominous room with a statue on the far wall and several people tied to a pillar. Right before they enter the room, they hear a familiar voice cry out.
"Wait! I know those footsteps!"
Techno and Phil rush through the doorway. Techno notices the ambush and nods to Dipper, but Phil focuses entirely on Ranboo. The Avian leaps into the air and tackles the Enderman in a crushing hug. Phil pulls back slightly, checking Ranboo for any injuries and chirping unhappily at the wounds on his neck.
Techno clears his throat. "Hey Ranboo, how're you doin'?"
"Fine, fine." Ranboo responds through a mouthful of feathers.
"Wait, you two know each other?" Dipper asks.
"Yeah. You keep runnin' into people I know, I wonder…" Techno trails off.
"Wait, how do you two know each other?" Ranboo asks. "Techno isn't exactly known for interacting with children."
"I'm training hi- oh no." Techno cuts himself off. "Ranboo, Ranboo, remember our conversation on the way to the woodland mansion?"
"Ye-yeah? Oh no!"
"I don't think you're the main character anymore."
"Noooooo, my cloooooout!"
[not the clout man :tear:]
"I'm still the sensei though, ha. Aw, noooo, I'm gonna die." Techno bemoans, not noticing Soos perk up behind him.
"Wait, there's gotta be a story where the sensei doesn't die horribly!" Ranboo protests.
"Yeah, where the sensei is horribly injured. Oh noooo, I'm either gonna die or be horribly injured." Techno groans dramatically. Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, and McGucket look on in confusion while Soos watches with interest. Techno shakes himself off before walking up behind Phil and grabbing his shoulder. "Hey, old man, wake up!"
Phil glares at his eldest. "I thought I told you to stop calling me old."
"Yeah, but you're kinda squashing Ranboo." Techno says.
Phil blinks, realizing where he is and getting off of Ranboo. "Sorry about that, mate." He apologizes sheepishly. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah." Ranboo answers.
Before anything else can be said, one of the society members groans as he awakens.
"What's your plan for these nerds?" Techno asks.
Dipper leans over and whispers. "Erase their memories of this, then let them go."
Techno nods, but Phil interrupts. "I want the leader, you can have the rest.
Dipper shrugs. "Alright."
The rest of the society members slowly awaken. Blind Ivan blinks the sleep from his eyes as he realizes what has happened to his cult. "Unhand us!" He demands, lunging at his captors.
Phil's eyes narrow and he whistles. Immediately, hundreds of pairs of wings start to beat, drawing closer. Hundreds of crows enter the room, landing on every available surface and making a terrible caw-cophony until Phil caws. The legion then surrounds each of the prisoners and Techno walks up to Ivan and picks him up.
"It isn't so fun being tied up, is it?!" Mabel taunts before grabbing a marker. "Hey, wanna draw on their faces?"
"What? No! Stop that!" Ivan orders as Ranboo helps Mabel deface his head. "That's not funny!" Ivan protests as Mabel crosses out knowledge and replaces it with butts.
"It's pretty funny." Dipper says while Wendy is holding back laughter.
"It's, like, objectively funny." Soos states.
"We'll have our revenge. We'll never forget what you've done." Ivan snarls.
"Oh, I think you just might." Dipper postulates, holding a memory gun and entering The Society of the Blind Eye on the display. "Say cheese~."
The society members beg for mercy as Dipper mercilessly pulls the trigger. Techno drags Ivan behind a pillar, binding and gagging the disgraced cult leader before the former members came to. The former members are escorted out after changing back into their normal clothes.
.
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"Thanks for visiting the Museum for Gold Miner Appreciation Night. Be sure to tip the gold miner on your way out." Dipper says. McGucket stands next to him, holding out his hat for tips. Each of the members gives something, with Toby Determined giving the most, surprisingly. Once the ex-society members leave, Dipper and McGucket head back down into the secret tunnels.
.
.
"All right, McGucket, are you ready to see your memories? Find out who you really are?" Dipper asks, turning on the memory playing machine.
"I'm not so sure. What if I don't like what I see?" McGucket says uncomfortably.
"We've come all this way. Go on." Mabel says.
"Even if you dislike how you used to be, you can change: that is one of humanity's biggest strengths." Phil says sagely. McGucket feels like he knows Phil's voice from somewhere, but can't place it.
"Yeah, listen to the wise old man." Techno agrees. Phil glares at the piglin, who just chuckles.
McGucket is filled with determination as he walks up to the machine and places his memory into it. It begins playing, showing a much younger McGucket standing in front of various equations and designs.
Young man McGucket begins to speak. "My name is Fiddleford Hadron McGucket, and I wish to unsee what I have seen."
The onlookers gasp and old man McGucket softly exclaims, "Sweet sarsaparilla."
"For the past year, I have been working as an assistant for a visiting researcher. He has been cataloging his findings about Gravity Falls in a series of journals. I helped him build a machine which he believed had the potential to benefit all mankind, but something went wrong. I decided to quit the project. But I lie awake at night, haunted by the thoughts of what I've done. I believe I have invented a machine that can permanently erase these memories from my mind." Young man McGucket says, holding a memory gun. "Test subject One: Fiddleford." He holds the memory gun to his head, pulling the trigger as he closes his eyes.
The tape skips ahead four days. "It worked! I can't recall a thing!" Young man McGucket cheers.
It skips ahead to 22 days. The lab behind him is in disarray, but McGucket looks the same. "I call it the Society of the Blind Eye. We will help those who want to forget by erasing their bad memories!"
Day 74, The lab is partially destroyed and McGucket is disheveled and nervous. "Today, I came across a colony of little men, very disturbing. I would like to forget seeing this." Young man McGucket stammers, shooting himself again.
Day 189, McGucket's right arm is in a cast and he is even more disheveled. "I accidentally hit another car in town today. I feel terri-bibble! T-terrible. I've been forgetting words lately. I wonder if there are any negative side effects of-" He is cut off.
Day 273, McGucket is in a motel in a snow storm. "I saw something in the lake, something big!" Young man McGucket exclaims, ripping his hair out.
Day 618, McGucket is still in the motel. "My hair's been a-fallin' out, so I got this hat from a scarecrow. Hey, are my pants on backwards?"
Day ?, McGucket is wide-eyed and in the junk-yard. "Yroo Xrksvi! Girzmtov!" He makes a tringle with his hands over his right eye. The video dissolves into static.
"Oh, McGucket, I'm so sorry." Mabel whispers.
Old man McGucket grabs his memory tube. "Aw, hush. You kids helped me get my memories back, just like you said."
"But… did you want those memories back?" Mabel asks.
"After all these years, I finally know who I am. Maybe I messed up in the past, but now that I seen what happened, I can begin to put myself together again." McGucket says before hamboning a thank you.
"Still don't know what that means." Dipper says awkwardly. "So, wait. You weren't the author, but you worked with him. Do you remember who he was?"
"It's beginning to come back, but I need more time." McGucket states before noticing a pair of glasses on a nearby table. "And reading glasses. Heck!" One of the lenses falls out and cracks against the ground and McGucket spits into a handily placed spittoon. "I got some rememberin' to do."
"Hey Ranboo? You wanna take them home? Our place is right next door, I'll have some of the crows guide you back." Phil offers.
"Sure. It'll be nice to stay with you guys again." Ranboo agrees.
.
.
Dipper , Mabel, Soos, Wendy, McGucket, and Ranboo walk to Soos's truck. McGucket scrambles into the back seat through the driver's window, and Ranboo sits in the truck bed. Dipper and Mabel sit next to McGucket, while Soos drives and Wendy takes shotgun.
"Hey, you know what? Going on this big adventure actually made me get that stupid song out of my head." Wendy says.
"Nice." Soos congratulates before turning the key in the ignition. Straight blanchin' immediately starts playing.
"Oh, come on!" Wendy complains.
McGucket flips through the journal with Dipper looking over his shoulder. "It's all so familiar. It's almost like I can remember..."
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Deep under the Mystery Shack, Stan pours fuel into a machine. "All right, you're getting closer." He comforts it before walking out to inspect the machine. "Every day it's getting stronger." He says, watching the swirling blue light inside the circle of the upside down triangle.
He gasps when gravity shifts slightly, pulling his mug, notebook, and pen into the light. "Haha, yes!" Stan cheers, throwing his hands into the air. A metal pipe bangs into his hand, which he bandages. "I don't care if it's dangerous. I don't care how long it takes. I'm gonna pull this off, and no one's gonna get in my way!" Stan declares.
.
.
As he follows a crow to Techno's house, Ranboo can't help but hope that anyone who lost their memories would have them returned from the bottom of his heart.
In the motel in town, Trigger shot awake and turned to Powers. "Do you remember!?"
"Yes."
"We need to investigate!"
"Yes. But, we need to be careful, I'm not sure why our memories were blocked."
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"Blind" Ivan was still bound and gagged against a pillar when Phil and Techno walk back to him.
"So, what are we doin' with this noob?" Techno asks Phil.
Phil hands the Piglin blueprints for the collar. "Poetic justice."
Techno's face splits into a predatory smile.
"Would you go grab one of the barrels for me?" Phil asks, reaching into his pockets for something. Phil walks up to Ivan, and pulls the gag out of his mouth.
Ivan spits to clear his mouth before glaring at Phil. "What do you want?" He snarls. "Haven't you taken enough!? Because of you, people will have to-"
"Have to keep their memories? Evolve as people?" Phil interrupts, shooting back an even fiercer glare.
"I… Uh… Well, why not erase my mind like the rest of them!?" Ivan asks, his confidence faltering at the sight of Phil's anger.
"Because they were, for the most part, roped into it. You, on the other hand, were not. Even worse, you hurt one of my son's friends."
"Who?"
"Ranboo, the enderman." Phil answers.
"The monster?" Ivan asks in shock.
Phil shakes his head. "You just keep digging your hole deeper." He mumbles before he notices Techno arrive with the barrel. "Ah, thanks mate, set it down right there please." Techno nods and sets the barrel down next to Ivan.
"W-what are you going to do? You aren't going to dunk me in that, right!?" Ivan asks desperately.
"No, of course not!" Phil denies in shock. Ivan breathes a sigh of relief. "No, we're doing poetic justice."
"Wha-" Ivan starts to ask before Phil interrupts him.
"I'm sure you knew that water is acidic to Enderman, and yet you used it anyways." Phil states in a state of false calm, watching Ivan tense as he realized what he was implying. "And, since you just so happen to have some liquid that's acidic to humans… well, I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this."
"But you said you weren't going to dunk me in that!" Ivan begs.
"And we're not." Ivan, ever the fool, breathes a sigh of relief. "We're going to connect it to the collar."
Ivan's face becomes paler than the moon. "N-no! Please! I'll do anything!"
"I'm afraid it's too late." Phil says serenely. Ivan attempts to struggle, but is still tied down. Suddenly, four pricks stab through Ivan's neck as the collar is closed and locked. Ivan struggles harder, knowing what comes next, but Phil ignores the pitiful wails of the condemned man with a practiced ease as he hooks up a hose to the barrel of Hydrochloric acid. "Making an enemy of the man known as the angel of death was not a wise decision."
Ivan attempted to scream one last time before he felt the first drip of hydrochloric acid enter his throat. The burning was immediate, and he could feel it eating through every layer of his internals. Phil turned around, content to leave him to his fate.
Techno follows, but pauses in the doorway before turning back. He crouches in front of Ivan, and for a moment hope for mercy blooms in Ivan. Then Techno opens his mouth. "Let's make your nickname more accurate, shall we?" Ivan's eyes widen before he slams them closed, but he cannot stop Techno from pushing past his eyelids and ripping out his eyes.
Techno walks away, taking one last look at the former cult leader, now slowly dying from acid, bound to a pillar with a collar around his neck and tears of blood running down his cheeks. Techno snorts contentedly as he walks next to Phil.
"That seemed a little extreme, mate." Phil jokes.
Techno hmmph's at the bird man before tossing Ivan's eyes into the jar full of eyes in the fireplace room.
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Words: 12,663, Finished: 12/5/2023, Written using a pirated copy of Microsoft word 2007.
I'm sorry this one took over two months to finish, College went crazy! On the plus side, this is the longest chapter so far by 2k plus words, and I'm almost done with fall semester. I'll have around a month, minus when I go down to my parents for the holidays, to work on the fic.
The main story is 37 pages on Microsoft word lmao, this ballooned. Thank you to everyone for you patience. Next chapter will definitely be faster.
So, foreshadowing/ addressing things: That thing in the beginning with Mermando won't be addressed for a long time. It'll probably be a one or two chapter bonus adventure. On the topic of Blind Ivan, I had to make him more evil, then I had to punish him.
TFW you punish someone because you made them evil.
I actually had a discussion with my discord about whether "theoretically, would leaving someone to die slowly from hydrochloric acid eating their body from the inside out (specifically starting in the throat) be considered "to much"? (relevant to the chapter, asking for a friend.)" with the discord. Which you should totally join if you haven't, link at the top of the page.
I thinks that's all for today, have a great day/night, wherever you are!
