Disclaimers: Naruto is not mine, sadly. This is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.
Warnings: This story includes strong language, violence, sexual assault, torture, sexual content (yaoi), & angst.
It's All In Your Head
Chapter 39: Ask
--
Kakashi, along with the rest of the team that the stubborn raven refused to accept, decided to make camp. Darkness had crept in faster than Sasuke would have liked, and anger with it. He was feeling immensely impatient.
He just wanted to find him.
He didn't want to wait, didn't want to be reasonable, didn't want to have to care about anyone else's feelings. And he sure as fuck didn't want to socialize with a bunch of bastards from the village that despised the only person he ever cared about.
He wanted Naruto back.
Away from his murderous brother, and the shinobi dead-set on taking him away from him. He wanted to find Naruto on his own, then take him in his arms and never let go. And every day that passed without him, every empty minute that ticked by no matter how badly he wanted it to stop, made him feel like that was less and less of a possibility.
He knew what Itachi was capable of. How cold and callous he could be- how little other people's lives meant to him. And he knew that the Akatsuki had their sights set on Naruto. The threats kept piling up and they were still no closer to finding him.
And now he was just fucking sitting here, with the last words Itachi said relentlessly repeating in his head- over and over and over..
"You should take better care of your things, little brother."
That all on its own sent a rush of guilt flooding through him.
He hated to admit it, but that asshole was right. The way he had treated Naruto- attacking him like that, abandoning him and then having the nerve to kiss him, only to lash out at him for being distant. To treat him like that after everything Kabuto had done to him..
He felt ashamed of himself. Painfully, utterly ashamed.
"You can come for him when you've taken care of the mess you've made. Kill Orochimaru and then you might be ready to face me.
And to reclaim him."
He could still see his brother's sneer as he said one final, horrible thing to him before disappearing with Naruto.
"I wouldn't take too long if I were you. I might not be able to resist him either.."
What if he hurt him, Sasuke thought to himself, panic swirling in his gut.
What if he-
His stomach churned as an image formed in his mind- of Itachi forcing himself on Naruto. Of Naruto completely helpless to stop it because of the fucking restraints he put on him. He didn't know if Itachi meant what he said, but the mere thought of him putting his hands on Naruto made him nauseous.
And furious.
He needed to get to him before Itachi even remotely considered following through on his threats.
Before he saw an opportunity and took it.
Naruto was small and vulnerable, chakra-less and.. beautiful. He might not be tempted yet, but he would be.
What if he's already touched him..
Took advantage of him..
He clenched his jaw tight. If he did, it's my fault. I put him in this situation. I failed him.
Again.
He roughly dragged his hands through his hair, glaring at the fire crackling at his feet. Fuck.. what if right now he's-
He swallowed back the sick rising in his throat and the vile, insistent picture forming in his head. You can't think like that, he told himself. Naruto needs you to keep your shit together.
You owe him that much.
--
Naruto glanced over at the Uchiha across the dining room table. He was still pissed at him for all the bullshit mind games he had played, for making him feel afraid for no apparent reason. Unless you counted "curiosity" as one, which he didn't. He really did not want to talk to the man- didn't want to make him think treating him like that was ok, or even remotely forgivable- but he wanted answers. So, he had no choice but to break the silence.
"Why do you still wear the Akatsuki cloak if you're not with them anymore?"
He had been suspicious about it ever since Itachi showed him what really happened between them, and a seed of doubt was slowly starting to bloom. I'm supposed to believe he's not one of them when he wears something that literally claims the opposite?
"I couldn't let the leaders of Konoha know that I had left. They may have misunderstood and lashed out at Sasuke for it."
He eyed the blonde and gave an exasperated sigh. "I can tell by the look on your face that you think I'm being paranoid, but you'd be surprised how far the elders will go to keep their dirty secrets hidden." He fingered the cloak drapped over his shoulders- the lie he felt was still necessary to wear.
"Revealing that I am no longer one of them isn't worth Sasuke's life."
Naruto looked away, overwhelmed by the raven's sincerity. "You change your mind a lot when it comes to Sasuke" he said quietly. "Do you care about him, or do you think he's a monster and want to take me away from him?"
"Can't it be both?"
Naruto gave him an exasperated look. "No. It can't."
Itachi eyed the blonde with a gaze that was too heavy.. too honest.
"Then I don't know how to answer that."
--
Kakashi settled down next to the forlorn raven. The one who insisted on sitting as far away from everyone else as possible. He considered giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder before offering some fatherly advice, but thought better of it. He could see that not going well, and the kid's mood already left much to be desired.
The jonin let his hand fall and gave a heavy sighed. "Sasuke, why don't you just give these guys a chance. They're not so bad. Besides" he glanced over at him, "they came here because they care about Naruto. At the very least, you have that in common."
Dark eyes shot over, hostile as ever. "I don't need them to care about him. Naruto has me." He turned his gaze back to the fire and the logs charring beneath it. "He doesn't need anyone else."
"Don't isolate him" Kakashi said, his voice stern. "He has had enough of that in his life already."
That silenced the raven. He was well aware of how Naruto had been horribly, cruelly rejected by the villagers. And if he was being completely honest, it was surprising to find an entire group of people concerned enough about him to go off on a wild goose chase to find him. To save him. He should be grateful for it, but he couldn't help but feel pissed off.
Maybe that Sai guy is right, he thought begrudgingly- irritated by the idea of giving a rival credit for anything.
Maybe I am jealous.
"Fine" he snarled. "I'll.. be civil."
Kakashi gave him a smile. "Well, I suppose that's a start."
Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Don't push your luck."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
Sasuke didn't want to. He really didn't want to. But he supposed Kakashi was right, and he should at least try to get along with them. Especially if he wanted them to follow his lead.
He rose and followed the silver-haired jonin to where the rest of the group was sitting and conversing amongst each other. Or rather were, as they completely stopped the minute Sasuke showed up. An awkward silence settled between them, and all eyes darted over to his face- their gazes either suspicious, curious, or brimming with hate.
This is exactly why I didn't want to fucking do this..
Holding onto his pride and refusing to be bothered by the group's sudden discomfort, Sasuke dropped down on a log next to Kiba, who bristled the second he joined him.
"The hell are you doing here?" he snapped.
"Now, now- play nice" Kakashi interjected, waving his hand at the brunette. "Let's try to get along, ok?"
Kiba crossed his arms and sank back against Akamaru, his eyes still locked on the raven he clearly didn't trust. "Whatever. He's the one who started shit.."
Sasuke clenched his jaw. "Pretty sure I finished it too."
"What was that?!"
"Kiba" Kakashi snapped. "Will you at least try to be civil?"
The brunette threw his arms out, angry that he was the only one being called out, but he knew it was pointless to argue with the jonin when he's like this. He chose to be silent instead, glaring at the fire in place of the flaming asshole next to him.
Sasuke shoved ebony strands back, his body tense. Great..
Time passed and Sasuke was just starting to accept being excluded when someone approached and took a seat next to him. He glanced over, surprised and somewhat dismayed, to find the pale guy he had attacked earlier- the one who was just Naruto's "friend". A friend he couldn't help but feel like had been an attempt at his replacement.
Sasuke didn't acknowledge him, but that didn't seem to bother the guy. In fact, he seemed pretty oblivious to it. Something about him was strange. Almost less.. human. He seemed more like a robot who had suddenly become sentient and was struggling to figure out what that meant.
Sasuke assumed that if he ignored him long enough he would just leave, but the guy didn't seem all too familiar with social cues either. After a while, the raven's cool uninterested façade cracked. "Why are you over here?" he finally asked.
"I thought.. we could get to know each other" the pale teen replied.
"And why would I want to do that?"
Sai considered this for a moment. "Well, because I know a Naruto you do not. Maybe you'd like to know more about who he is now."
Sasuke's jerked his head over to glare at the guy, but his eyes were blank, innocent, almost.. hollow. He didn't seem to be antagonizing him on purpose. In fact, he seemed to be completely genuine about what he said.
"Were you really only friends..?" Sasuke asked quietly, feeling everyone's eyes on him despite how low he kept his voice.
Sai nodded. "He didn't want to be at first. He was..", he thought back to when he first met the blonde- the way he talked and the look on his face, "angry, I think. He didn't want me to act too familiar with him."
Sai pressed his thumb against his bottom lip as he thought on it more. "I think he was scared too."
"Scared?" Sasuke asked, a chill passing through him.
Sai nodded. "I have known Naruto for a little over two years now, and one thing I do find odd is that he does not like to be touched." He could see something dark flicker in the Uchiha's eyes and quickly added, "he flinches- even if you just lightly bump into him. It always makes me feel.." another pause, "sad, I think. There must be a reason it scares him when someone is too close."
Sasuke swallowed. "What happened between him and the villagers when I was gone?"
"I don't know much about that" Sai admitted, "but I think Naruto let's himself be close to Kakashi because he has stopped them from doing.. things to him."
Anger flashed in those onyx eyes. "What kinds of things?" he growled. His gaze shot over to the jonin. "Kakashi- what did the villagers do to Naruto?"
Just enough of his face was uncovered to show all humor fall from it. Something cold settled in his eyes- one that Sasuke could feel in his marrows. "A lot, Sasuke. They.. did a lot."
"Like what?" he snarled, tired of his question being dodged.
"It's not really my business to share." Kakashi narrowed his eyes on the raven. "And I don't know that it is yours to know."
"Did you forget that our minds are connected?" Sasuke said between clenched teeth. "If I want to know, I can find out myself."
Kakashi could see that the raven was bluffing. Besides, he was the one who trained the blonde how to strengthen his mind, how to keep people out. People like Itachi.. and Sasuke.
"I doubt that."
Sasuke's expression darkened, but he didn't give him a chance to respond. "Naruto isn't the same person he was before, Sasuke. He's changed. He's a lot stronger than you remember." He glanced back at the fire, memories flickering just behind his eyes. "He's learned how to put his guard up. How to protect himself."
"From the villagers?"
Kakashi dropped his head on his hand. "From a lot of people" he said. "And yes, eventually even from the villagers."
Eventually.
The word echoed in Sasuke's head, filling him with unease. I don't like the sound of that.
Dammit, I wish they would just fucking tell me what happened to him.
Though, on second thought maybe it was better that he didn't know. He wasn't sure he could stomach anymore guilt today.
--
"Why can't I access Kyuubi?"
Itachi paused, then glanced over at the blonde- noting his clenched jaw and accusatory stare. He knew he'd catch on eventually, but the timing wasn't great. He still needed to keep Naruto here if all was going to go according to plan, and the truth might get in the way of that.
And yet, he was tempted to tell him anyways. Maybe because of the feelings that he inexplicably started to have for the blonde. Or maybe because he was just.. tired. Of the lies, the deceit, the silence. He was just done with all of it.
"Because I made sure you couldn't" he finally admitted.
Naruto glared daggers at him, itching to punch the guy in his emotionless face. "What the fuck does that mean?"
"If you had access to the Nine Tails' chakra you would have been able to escape" Itachi said quietly. "I can't let that happen until.."
His voice trailed off, but Naruto was able to pick up the pieces.
"Until you get Sasuke to kill you. Then he'll see the truth in my head and he'll fucking break, which is of course worth it because his eye will work better" Naruto spat. He could feel heat pulse behind his eyes as rage started to consume him. Angry tears rose up in his throat, but he made sure to force them back as he confronted the raven once more.
"You're using me" he said bluntly. "And I want it to stop. The shit you've been doing to Kyuubi, keeping me prisoner here, messing with Sasuke's head, with my head- I want it all to just stop."
Itachi shook his head. "If I stop now, every terrible thing I have done will have been for nothing." He rose to his feet and walked over to the blonde, watching him shrink back in his chair at his approach. "I can't allow that."
"What if.. what if I agree to help you" Naruto said quietly. He flinched back as Itachi sat down in the chair beside him and scooted close. Those haunted blue eyes shot up, wide and filled with concern, as the raven leaned in. Naruto's breath snagged in his throat, and he quickly turned his head away, unable to do much else.
"And how would you help me?" Itachi murmured, his voice thick with desire.
"Not like that" Naruto said hurriedly. "I.. I'll help you with Sasuke."
Itachi slipped a hand into soft blonde locks and turned Naruto back to face him. "You would be helping me either way" he murmured, scanning his wary eyes, his tempting mouth.. "If you want Kyuubi back, you're going to have to give me a better offer."
"What do you want?" Naruto asked, regretting it the second the words were out.
"You know what I want."
Naruto shoved his arm away. "I'm not going to spread my fucking legs as payment. I'm not a goddamn-"
"That's not what I meant" Itachi interrupted.
"Then just say what you want!" Naruto shouted, clearly embarrassed and overwhelmingly frustrated.
"A chance" the raven answered, his hand once again returning to his face, his hair, slipping down to the back of his neck. He watched the blonde shiver and felt heat bloom in his core. He bit his lip, trying to calm himself.
"Sasuke was your first-" he said softly, his grip on Naruto tightening as he leaned closer, as he breathed in his scent and felt compelled to do more.
"He doesn't have to be your only."
--
