"Now I've done it," Theda said as she collapsed onto her bed. "Just when we were starting to get along."
She tossed and turned all night, unable to get much sleep. Fortunately, tomorrow was Saturday, which meant she had the day off.
When she awoke the next morning she quickly realized she had slept through breakfast, so she made herself a couple of cucumber sandwiches and placed them into her bottomless silk bag along with a few other snacks and drinks. She had planned a little outing for herself, so she slipped on a chunky knit sweater and a plaid skirt with her most outdoorsy pair of boots, finishing off her outfit with a plain blue cloak. Before venturing out she grabbed her camera and two rolls of film, then slipped them into the bag.
As she cracked open the door, Severus happened to be passing by at that exact moment. Still uneasy about the way they left things the previous night, she quickly closed the door again, hoping he hadn't seen her. A moment later, though, there was a knock on the door.
"Who is it?"
"You obviously know that it's me," Severus said.
She cracked the door open once again, blushing as she did so.
"What's gotten into you this morning? You're acting strange." He asked.
"I thought maybe you were still angry after last night. I didn't want to bother you."
He let out a long sigh.
"I'm not angry." He said softly. "If anything, you should be angry with me. I was very rude, and I shouldn't have stormed off like that. It was... childish."
"That's a relief. I'm not angry either." She said. "Where are you on your way to?"
"I was just on my way to return these to the library." He said, revealing a stack of books tucked under his left arm.
"Oh, that reminds me, I have to drop off a couple books as well. Mind if I join you?" She asked.
"Not at all."
"Okay, just give me a minute." She said, running to her room to get her stack of books.
"What have you got there?" He asked curiously as she returned with three tattered books tucked into the crook of her arm.
"Let's see... There's Olde and Forgotten Bewitchments and Charmes, Sonnets of a Sorcerer, and The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts."
"That's quite an interesting array. Do the dark arts interest you, Miss Desmond?"
"From a historical standpoint, absolutely." She said. "As much as I'd like to believe that You-Know-Who is truly gone, I think most of us who are anchored in reality know that's not the case. If he returns, I think the best thing we can do is arm ourselves with knowledge. Many dark wizards have come before him, all of them since defeated. That should be enough to inspire hope in all of us."
"Spoken like a true Ravenclaw." He said. "I quite agree."
"What are you returning?" She asked.
"Oh, nothing that would interest you."
"Try me." She replied, trying to sneak a peek at the covers.
"No, really, it's quite dull." He assured her. "Never you mind."
When they reached the library, they quickly returned their books, and then set out in search of a few more. Madame Pince shot a curiously judgmental look at the both of them which made Theda wonder if perhaps she had unknowingly done something to offend her.
"What are you looking for?" He asked. "Anything in particular?"
"Hmm... I've been wanting to brush up on my knowledge of 17th Century alchemists."
"I know just the shelf." He said before marching determinedly up the stairs.
"Do you like history?" She asked.
"As a matter of fact, I do." He said as his fingertips traced the row of fraying spines. "Aha. Here we are." He handed her three ancient-looking books whose bindings were coming undone.
"Oh, these are perfect! How did you know where they'd be off the top of your head?"
"I've been working here 11 years. Plenty of time to get accustomed with the layout of the library." He said matter-of-factly.
Even so, Theda thought, the library was massive, housing thousands upon thousands of books. She wasn't sure a lifetime would be enough for her to memorize the layout by heart.
"What are your plans for the rest of the day?" He asked, his eyes quickly surveying her from head to toe."You're dressed like you're going somewhere."
"I was planning on taking some photos for my epitaph series... Would you like to join me?"
"You mean... Go with you to a cemetery?"
"It's okay if you'd rather not." She said, looking down at her shoes. "I guess that is a bit weird to most people."
"Actually, I think I will come along. I'd like to see you in your element."
After dropping their books off in their respective chambers, the two of them walked beyond the Hogwarts grounds, taking in the fresh air and getting to know each other better. Once they were beyond the reach of the school's anti-apparition charm, they apparated to a small graveyard in Northern England. It was cold, the grey clouds hanging low above the lilaced moors.
"Looks like it might rain. Will the weather be a hindrance to you, Miss Desmond?"
"Not at all." She said. "The lighting is actually perfect."
The two of them slowly walked through the rows of graves, taking time to read the names and dates on each one. Every now and then she'd snap a photo of one of them, and Severus would watch with great curiosity as she experimented with finding the best viewpoint for each shot. She managed to sneak a few photos of him when he wasn't paying attention, too focused on using his wand to clean off some of the headstones that had become too overgrown with moss to be legible.
"I'm starving." She said after some time, removing the second roll of film from her camera. "I missed breakfast this morning. Good thing I brought snacks. You hungry?"
"You're going to eat here in the cemetery?" He asked, sounding slightly embarrassed despite the fact that they were completely alone.
"Why not? The Victorians used to do it all the time. Picnicking in cemeteries is an age-old tradition."
"Alright then." He said, apprehensively joining her on the picnic blanket she had just pulled from her silk bag. He'd sensed since they first met that she was just a little bit odd, but it was endearing. Plus, most people would say that he was more than a little odd himself.
She handed him a cucumber sandwich and a bottle of pumpkin juice. They sat in a comfortable silence as they ate, while Theda marveled at the beautiful flowers surrounding the crumbling graves.
"So..." She said after a few minutes. "Are we going to talk about last night?"
"Must we?" Severus asked indignantly.
"I think you owe me an explanation at the very least."
"Very well." He sighed, remaining silent for a moment before reluctantly continuing. "Do you remember when I told you... about the woman I loved?" He asked, fixing his gaze on a nearby headstone.
"Of course."
"Her name was Lily." He paused before continuing. "Lily Evans... Which eventually became Lily Potter. Harry's mother."
"Whoa," Was all Theda could think to say.
"He's nothing like her, though. He takes after his father in every way imaginable."
"I see." Theda smiled gently in understanding. "That explains the tension between the two of them," She thought.
"When she died... I made a promise to her. I swore that I would watch over her son... A promise he's made increasingly difficult to keep. Albus is the only other person who knows that."
"So does that mean Harry himself is unaware?"
"Correct."
They sat there for a while, neither of them knowing what to say next.
"So, that means that she— Lily, I mean— she's been gone for... ten years?"
"Eleven."
"Eleven years is a long time. And in all that time, you never pursued anyone else?"
"Never." He said seriously. "She's the only woman I ever cared for."
"I can understand that." She said. "Douglas was the only man I ever loved."
Severus looked surprised at this.
"We were together for 5 years. I've never been with anyone else."
"How did he die?"
"...He killed himself."
Severus' eyes widened.
"I'm sorry."
"I am too." She said.
"Do you—" He stopped himself short.
"Do I what?"
"Never mind."
"It's okay, you can ask me anything." She said, giving a slight smile and nudging him gently with her elbow. "I don't mind talking about it."
"Do you... talk to him?"
She smiled and looked wistfully up at the sky.
"Sometimes. Why do you ask?"
"Just curious." He said nonchalantly.
"Do you talk to Lily?"
He looked more caught off guard by this question than Theda had expected him to.
"You don't have to answer that." She said, not wanting to pry.
"Yes." He said pensively. "I've never told anyone that."
Theda's heart fluttered. Although she had been confided in many times by many different people, she'd never felt this kind of connection with any of them. In the short time she'd known Severus it had become apparent to her that he was not a trusting man. The fact that he was divulging things with her that he'd never revealed to anyone made her feel suddenly so close to him.
"She doesn't respond, but... I think she listens. Wherever she is."
Theda lightly placed her hand on his. He flinched, giving Theda the impression that touch was something foreign to him. Still, she did not pull away.
"I think that's beautiful, Severus."
He looked into her black eyes, and she could see that he was doing his best to hold back the tears that had begun to swell in his own.
"And I'm sure you're right. About her listening, I mean."
"Do you really think so?" He asked, shifting his eyes towards the ground.
"Absolutely. I genuinely believe the ones we love stay with us even after death."
"What you said the other day... In the darkroom. You said that when we die we live on through the ones we leave behind. Part of me has always felt that if I keep Lily alive, somewhere deep inside myself, then... she isn't truly dead." He looked at Theda again, whose eyes had never left him. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. You probably slipped something into my pumpkin juice."
"I did not!" Theda said, removing her hand. "I would never do something like that!"
"Relax." He said, smiling softly. "I was joking. But seriously, I don't know what's gotten into me. This is the most I've ever talked about her."
"I seem to have that effect on people." She smiled.
"That reminds me," Severus said. "I did a bit of digging and I think I might have found some information that could be useful to you."
