Disclaimer: I only own my OCs

A/N: At long last, we have reached the final chapter of the rewrite, from here on out, it will be all new content! It's so exciting to finally get here and I hope you all enjoyed the different take on what I had written before. This chapter hints at some future plot lines and gives some delightful Dalexa content ;) it also gives a bit more insight into Alexa's thoughts during all of this

XXX

I shot up with a strangled scream, hands frantically pawing at my neck. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Did that just…? Hang on.

I pulled my hands away from my neck and looked down at them. No blood. There was no blood. But it happened. I got bit. There was no way in hell that I could have imagined getting my neck torn open. But there was no pain, no blood.

Glancing up, I took note of my surroundings for the first time. What the hell was happening? I was not in the Salvatore Boarding House. Oh no, no, no. Somehow I had ended up in the woods surrounding the Boarding House. No neck wound, no pain, no blood and a completely different location. If ever there was a time to panic, now would be it.

Pushing myself to my feet, I stumbled about in a circle, trying to work out exactly where I was. This entire situation was just insane. This didn't happen the last time that I died. And oh god, the fact that I just thought that only added to the insanity. But then again… I had no memory of what happened. One minute Katherine's snapping my neck, next minute I'm waking up in the road. Who's to say that nothing happened in between and I just couldn't remember it. And great, now I've just terrified myself even more. Brilliant job Alexa, well done.

"Hello Alexandria."

I screamed and spun around, falling down onto my ass. I was not alone, oh hell, I was not alone.

Looking up at the woman stood in front of me, the first thing that I noticed was her dress. Strange, I know, even for me. But the reason why I noticed it was because, if I remembered my Mr Tanner history lessons correctly, the dress was a Viking style dress. Like an authentic, extremely realistic Viking style dress. But it wasn't her style of dress that made me uneasy, it was the kind smile on her friendly looking face. I know that it's weird, but something about her had every instinct within my body screaming to run like hell.

But before I could, the lady stepped forward into my personal bubble of space and held out her hand. Glancing from her hand to her hand to her long blond hair to her reassuring smile, I had to resist the urge to sigh. Aw hell, like I could get away with saying "no thanks" to the creepy, suspicious lady. So I gingerly accepted her hand and allowed her to help me to my feet.

"How do you know my name?" I asked once I was upright, cautiously edging away a couple of steps. I know that I should have used my manners and said "thank you" but this entire situation was just freaking me the hell out.

"I know many things about you, Alexandria," mysterious lady answered in that creepy, vague way that freaky people like. Her answer did absolutely nothing to reassure me. In fact, as you could probably guess, it unnerved me even more.

Lady gestured between the trees and started walking, "Come, walk with me."

Should I? Should I not? Damnit, I suppose that at least she knows where she's going. So I followed the creepy lady through the woods.

"Do I get to know your name?" I asked, trying to be as friendly as I didn't feel.

"All in good time," she smiled over at me. All in good time? All in good time?! No. I wanna know now!

"Look, lady, I get that you're helping me and I'm grateful for that, really, I am. But if you don't tell me who you are or what the hell is going on then I am going to throw a bitchfit of epic proportions," I fought hard to keep all traces of hysteria from my voice. I wasn't entirely successful but I was pleased with what I managed.

The lady stopped and I could hear her sigh quietly. She turned to face me and through the trees behind her I could see the faint outline of the beautiful Salvatore Boarding House.

"Tell me, Alexandria, do you ever blame them?"

I frowned. What the hell was she going on about?

"Blame who for what?" I asked cautiously, slowing stepping to the side.

I almost didn't want to ask but if I could just distract mystery lady, then maybe I could leg it to the Boarding House. Even if there wasn't a handy vampire hanging around to help me, I knew where they stored their weapons.

"Do you blame Stefan, Damon and Elena for the deaths of the people you love?"

There was a sudden jolt in my stomach and I had to fight the urge to be sick. My wide eyes connected with her calculating brown ones. I wanted to scream out "No! Of course I don't!" but it was as though I had been frozen in place. Even the thought of blaming them felt wrong. If I blamed anyone, it was myself.

"What?!" I eventually managed to squeak out. "Why would I blame them? That's… insane. That's just insane!"

When she took a step towards me, I obeyed my instincts and stumbled backwards. But unfortunately, I managed to back myself into a tree. Before I could dodge to the side, mystery lady stepped close, blocking me off.

"It's ok to blame them," her kind smile was back, contrasting horrible with the harsh look in her eye. "No one would be mad with you. After all, if it wasn't for them then everyone would still be alive. Vicki, Mason, Eric, Heather, Jazz, your parents, Luke…"

"Shut up!" I screamed, covering my ears and closing my eyes. I could feel the tears forming and despite my best efforts, a few slid down my cheeks. Why was she saying this? Why won't she stop?

"If your sister was never born, then your parents would still be alive," lady grabbed my wrists and pulled my hands away from my ears. "And if it wasn't for her, then the vampires would never have come to town."

I rapidly shook my head, "No, that's not true. They would have come anyway!"

She kept her grip on my wrists. I tried to pull away but she was too strong.

"And if Stefan and Damon hadn't have come back to Mystic Falls then Mason Lockwood and the Nolan's wouldn't have died," she continued loudly, speaking over my protests. "Think of all the people that you have lost because of them."

"Shut up! You crazy bitch, just stop!"

It was too much. It was all just too much. I didn't know what was happening to me, I probably just died, and now some scary, crazy woman was telling me that I should blame the people that I love for everything bad that has happened. Nope. Nope. Nope. Not listening to this.

"Vampires are evil, Alexandria," lady softened her voice in an attempt to sound reasonable. "They are abominations which should be destroyed."

I thought about all of the vampires that I had known. Damon, Stefan, Caroline, Rose, hell, even Anna and Pearl. They weren't evil. Yeah, they didn't exactly play by our moral rules, but they weren't evil. Not in my mind.

"Not all vampires are evil," I whispered, slumping back against the tree. I felt utterly exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally.

"Oh my dear," she sighed, letting go of my wrist to brush my fringe from my face. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. The feel of her fingers on my face… I didn't want her touching me. I pulled on my still held wrist, tugging it towards me. Mystery lady released it, smiling benevolently at me. "You'll learn the error of your ways soon, Alexandria."

"As far as I'm concerned, I'm in the right," I bit out, hiding my hands behind my back, ready to push me away from the tree when the time was right.

Displeasure flashed across her face before she quickly regained her composure.

"That's to be expected, you are only young, after all," she smiled tightly. "You've yet to see the true horrors that surround the vampires."

I had to resist the urge to snort. Yet to see the true horrors that surround vampires? Is she kidding? Even if I haven't yet seen the worst of the worst, I've seen enough of the bad stuff that comes with having vampires in your life.

"If you see all vampires as evil, then fine, I won't argue with you. If you want to eradicate all of them, well then there's not much that I can do to stop you," I snapped, my fear and frustration at the situation overriding my common sense. Well, what little common sense that I had. "But then you might as well eradicate all of humanity because we are no better. Humans probably kill each other just as much as vampires kill humans. Hell, you might as well kill me too since I have given my heart to an 'evil' vampire so I'm just as bad."

"Oh no, Alexandria, I've got plans for you."

My heart skipped a beat as I stared at her cold face. That did not sound good. I didn't like it. No. No I did not. Oh hell I was in so much trouble.

Scary lady stepped away from me and I didn't waste any time in turning around and bolting in the direction of the Boarding House. As I ran to my beacon of safety, I couldn't help but think about the uber-weird and uber-scary conversation that I had just had. Who the hell was that woman? What did she mean that she had plans for me? And oh my god is she a threat to my beloved twin and Salvatore's?

Skidding to a halt, I crashed into the door to the Boarding House. Panting madly, I forced my shaking hands to open the door and I quickly slammed it behind me. Of course, it was then that I remembered that there was a possible crazy vampire running loose in the Boarding House.

"Ellie? Rose?"

Brilliant idea Alexa, be loud in a house with a cray cray vamp. You are such a genius. But then again, I did need to find my idiot sister.

"Ellie?"

I crept in the direction of the library. I figured that I might as well start there, where there's a convenient hallway to the back door. Clever, aren't I?

"Ellie- oh my god!"

I was lying on the ground. My body was lying on the ground! What the hell? Seriously, what the hell?! I couldn't help but walk towards it, my eyes transfixed upon the blood covering my neck. Was that… oh god, that confirmed it. Rose killed me. I guess I should have figured that out earlier. I mean, there was no way that I could have been saved.

Reaching out, I placed a hand on my neck. And everything went black.

XXX

I woke up slowly, unwilling to open my eyes and face reality. Reality was a bad place right now. In reality I had to deal with my twin being determined to sacrifice herself and the fact that I had died yesterday. For the second time. No, reality definitely wasn't something that I wanted to face.

Taking stock of my situation, I realised that I was still curled up on the sofa. A thick blanket had been draped over me and tucked around my feet, cocooning me in. I pulled the blanket up higher so that only my eyes and the top of my head were visible. It felt like a barrier between me and the rest of the world. A very welcome barrier.

A hand rested on the top of my head and I looked up to see Uncle John crouch down in front of me. There was a concerned look on his face that had me thinking back to my rather impressive break down last night.

"Hey, Alexa, you feeling better?"

Instead of blurting out my usual "I'm perfectly fine", I paused to actually work out how I was feeling. My throat was dry and achy, god knows what my voice was going to sound like when I spoke. My head pounded in time with my heartbeat. The rest of me just ached. I was exhausted and I ached all over. So, all in all, I felt like utter crap.

"I feel fine," I croaked, forcing a smile on my face.

Uncle John raised a disbelieving eyebrow but didn't comment on my lie. I think he understood that I needed to be alright, that I needed to be fine. I just knew that if I was forced to accept just how bad I was feeling, then I would just fall apart. It's an undisputed fact that I was a mess after the first time that I died and this time was much much worse. I guess watching your death approach was a helluva lot different to it taking you by surprise. And this one was a lot more painful than the previous time. At least Katherine gave me the mercy of a relatively pain-free death.

"You want a coffee?" John asked as he pushed himself to his feet.

"You have to ask?" I smirked weakly, trying to act a bit more like my normal self and probably failing.

"Good point," he smiled, running a hand through my hair. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the comforting touch. While Uncle John, or Daddy John, as I could say, and I did have a rocky relationship, I did love him. I might not always like him. But I always loved him. He was family. Even if he was an ass most of the time.

Despite really not wanting to, I pushed myself up into a sitting position, because not even I could drink coffee lying down. Nay, not even I was that talented. I curled up in the corner of the sofa and tucked the blanket down around me. Might as well take advantage of the comfort while I still could, before the insanity that was my life started up again.

While he waited for the coffee machine to finish, Uncle John wandered over and stood behind the sofa, resting his forearms on the top. I leant the top of my head against his arm and sighed.

"We haven't had a chance to properly catch up," I glanced up as Uncle John spoke. "How have you been?"

"Not the best," I had to resist the urge to snort, talk about an understatement. "Ever since we found out about the sacrifice and Elena declared that she didn't want to be saved, I've been… struggling."

Struggling doesn't even begin to cover it. The amount of times that I've almost turned to alcohol to cope. God, I've lost count. I had 4 bottles of whiskey hidden in my room. All of them untouched. But I'm afraid that it won't take much for me to be driven over the edge. I've been sober for so long and I didn't want to ruin that. It was so hard to go sober, but I did it for Ellie. And I didn't know how long I'll be able to stay strong for.

"Stefan mentioned that she didn't want to be saved."

"I was so mad at her and then she made that deal with Elijah. It… hurt… that she was so eager to leave me. I get that she thinks that she's saving everyone by going along with this stupid thing. But the thought that she's accepted the fact that she's leaving me hurts."

I think that that is the only word that I can use to describe how this all feels. It hurt. My own twin wanted to die. As if her dying to protect me would make anything better. For a clever person, my sister could be a right idiot sometimes.

Looking up at the man next to me, I reached up and grabbed his wrist, "Can you help keep her alive?"

Taking my hand in his, he gave it a reassuring squeeze and replied, "Yes, that's why I'm here. To help the both of you."

Damn and here come the tears. Why had I been so emotional lately? Although, I suppose with everything that has happened, it's understandable for my emotions to be uncontrollable. Doesn't mean that I liked it though.

"Love you, Uncle John," I smiled, blinking back the tears.

"Love you too, Alexa," he smiled back as the amazing coffee pot let us know that it was finished making coffee.

As much as I wish that some things had never happened, a closer relationship with Uncle John was not one of those things. Because deep down he was a good person, he just had an asshole personality that covered up all the good parts.

"Here you go; one strong, black coffee."

I greedily accepted the coffee mug from my uncle and took a small sip. Oh god do I love coffee. I didn't know what I would do without coffee. Coffee was my friend and I loved it.

"Mmmm, thank you."

"You're welcome, Alexa."

I watched as he wandered over to the kitchen to make his own coffee. He seemed… happier than he did when I got home yesterday. Not that I was in the best of conditions to examine how happy he was, considering just how much of a mess I was last night.

"I'm glad that Stefan brought you back," I remarked, staring into my coffee. "Rather you than Isobel."

"Why's that?" I didn't need to turn around to see the confused frown on John's face.

"Because you're family. She gave us up."

And that's true. Even if we grew up with him as our uncle, John was still family. If it wasn't for the Salvatore's coming back to town, I doubt that we ever would have met our birth mother. But then again, thinking that, if our parents had lived then I doubt that we would ever have found out that we were adopted. Yeah, I know that Aunt Jenna said that they would have told us, but… I don't know. I didn't think that they would have. Something inside of me just refused to believe that we ever would have known.

Ugh, too much heavy thinking at a too early time in the morning. Fortunately, I was saved from continuing the conversation by Elena flouncing into the kitchen, her ponytail swinging wildly.

While I was surprised that she didn't come into see me last night, I could understand why she didn't. After all, I didn't get home until late and all I wanted to do was go to bed. She was probably already asleep.

"Good morning," Uncle John smiled at my twin.

"Morning Ellie," I piped up, waving at Elena.

While I was pleased to say that I was no long as angry at my sister as I was yesterday morning, guess dying did do something useful, I was afraid that it would only be a matter of time before she did something else to piss me off.

Elena shot me a small smile before glaring at our uncle. I understood why she didn't like him. He had caused us so much trouble and, recently, it felt like every time that he showed up, someone got hurt or died. But he had helped me last night. And if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have a magical Gilbert ring, which is the only reason as to why I was still alive right now. It's just unfortunate that he hadn't shown that level of kindness to my currently pissed off twin.

"Coffee?" John offered, trying to avoid the angrily asked question. Haha good luck there, Uncle John. Not much can distract Ellie when she's in this sort of mood. Believe me, I would know.

"No, we're not doing that," she snapped, walking over to the sofa to stand next to me. "We did that last night. No more avoiding. Why are you here?"

I could tell that John didn't want to open that particular can of worms right now. But my stubborn sister wasn't giving him any choice on the matter. Taking her hand in mine, I threaded our fingers together and gave it a squeeze. She took the hint and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down.

"I'm here to protect you," Uncle John finally answered, choosing his words carefully. "That's all that I can say for the moment."

Even before she opened her mouth, I could tell that Elena wasn't happy with that answer. And, to be completely honest, I was a bit annoyed with his vagueness too.

John sighed and looked Elena in the eye, "I'll tell you more when I'm convinced I can trust you."

"What do you mean when you can trust her?" I frowned, speaking before Ellie could. "Of course you can trust her."

"Not while she's deliberately hurting you, I can't," he replied seriously, looking between us. "And the Elena I know wouldn't do that."

It's not that she's deliberately hurting me. She's just… not considering how much her actions were hurting me. If that made sense. But she's not deliberately hurting me. She would never do that. Never ever ever.

Unfortunately, before I could speak up in defence of my twin, we were interrupted by one of the other occupants of the house and their significant other.

Aunt Jenna came bustling into the kitchen, Alaric following close behind her, and dropped her bag onto the table.

"I'm late," she laughed, shoving a couple of books into the bag without looking. Oh god, please don't see Uncle John. Please don't see Uncle John. Just leave with Ric before you see him. Please. Please. Please.

"That's what you get for hitting the snooze three times!" Ric grinned, staring fondly at my aunt. But then the worse happened. Aunt Jenna looked up and saw her mortal enemy.

"What the hell?!" she asked sharply, glaring at Uncle John in confusion.

This was not gonna be good.

"Good morning to you too, Jenna," Uncle John smirked, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Alaric…"

He trailed off in displeasure. Hmm, I'm sensing that someone didn't approve of darling Ric's relationship with Aunt Jenna. Well tough. Sorry, as much as I loved you Uncle Johnny, I loved Aunt Jenna more. And Ric made her happy. Hell, he made me happy. He was a part of the family now and I cared about him.

I shifted so that I was sitting on my knees, facing the kitchen. Switching hands with Ellie, I took a deep gulp of my coffee. Well, at least all of this drama was taking my mind off of what happened last night. And that was an incredibly good thing.

"It's ok that I'm confused, right?" Auntie J looked over at me and Ellie, before looking back at our uncle. "Because we were not expecting you, like, ever."

That's a very good point. I wasn't expecting to see him for at least a couple of years. Even if he was threatened out of town by my sister's boyfriend, I expected him to come back at some point. He wasn't capable of staying away.

"Well, I got in late last night," Johnny once again spoke up before me or my twin could say anything. "Elena let me in."

Actually, what time did he arrive? Because I know that I wasn't out that late… ok, no I don't I know. I actually have no idea as to what time that I got home.

Poor Ric must have felt extremely awkward as in the momentary silence, he said, "You know what, I'm probably just gonna take off."

He lovingly squeezed Aunt Jenna's shoulder before giving us a significant look and hightailing it out of there.

"I'm still confused here," Jenna spoke up, keeping her glare focussed on Johnny.

Instead of playing nice, our darling birth father smirked and said, "I decided to come back and stay for a while."

I could practically hear Aunt Jenna grinding her teeth together.

"Not here, you're not," she snapped, putting her hands on her hips.

Uncle John's smirk grew as he stepped forward, "Actually, you can't stop me from living here."

"Actually, I can," she retorted sharply. "As legal guardian."

I could just sense that what would happen next would not be pretty. And from the tightening grip on my hand, Elena had the exact same feeling.

"Yeah, about that," Uncle John turned to look at me and Elena, brining Aunt Jenna's attention back to us. "Girls, you want me to explain the situation? Or would you like to do the honours?"

Auntie J glanced around at the three of us; suspicion, confusion and worry clearly visible on her face, "Ok, what's going on?"

My twin stepped forward and took our Aunt's hands in her own, "We're really sorry, Jenna, we should have told you earlier, but-"

Wait what? You mean that you honestly didn't…

"I'm Elena and Alexa's biological father," Uncle John interrupted, sending the room into silence. "There, now you know."

With that said, Johnny walked out of the room, a pleased smirk dancing around his lips.

Even though I was still feeling like absolute crap, I pushed myself to my feet and staggered around the sofa to my family's side. Taking one look at the confused and slightly betrayed look on our guardian's face, I spun around to glare at my sister.

"You didn't tell her?!" I hissed quietly. Ok, that might be a bit hypocritical of me. But I hadn't exactly been in the best… frame of mind recently. And that's putting it lightly. So really, there was no way that I could have been the one to tell her.

"Why could you have done it?" Elena hissed back, giving me one of her looks.

"Well, I haven't exactly had the opportunity, what with all of my recent issues!"

And if I said the word 'issues' with a bit more venom than I had originally intended, well, it just managed to get my feelings across even better.

"Girls!" Aunt Jenna interrupted our little mini-spat. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because," Elena spoke up first before trailing off. She probably couldn't think of anything to say. But she must have had a reason to not tell our Auntie. Unless she just didn't want her to know. Which is just ridiculous. It's not like Auntie J will look at us or treat us any differently just because Uncle John was our birth father. She loved us.

"Because it would have made it real," I blurted out when it became clear that Ellie wasn't going to say anything. "It would have made the fact that Uncle John is our birth father real. And that sucks. But I promise you that we would have told you at some point. We've just been having communication issues, haven't we Ellie?"

"Oh yeah, definitely," twinnie immediately agreed. "And add in everything else that's been going on recently, it probably just… slipped our minds."

Aunt Jenna still looked suspicious but I think that she believed us. Which is good because we were telling the truth. Well, I definitely was, I'm not so sure about my dear sister.

"Ok," our Aunt shook her head and stepped back. "I… believe you. I just… I just need time to think."

"Take all the time that you need," Elena smiled reassuringly while I nodded in agreement. A part of me wondered what shook her more, finding out vampires existed or finding out that John was our biological father.

Auntie Jenna gave us one last look before grabbing her bag and leaving.

The moment that I heard the front door shut, I let out a long, tired groan. Screw this. Walking back over to the sofa, I allowed myself to just slump down on it, burying my face in my hands. Why? Of all the mornings that this could have happened, why did it have to happen on this one?

"Hey, how do you feel?" I felt my sister rest her hand on the top of my head.

Hmmm, well, the pounding in my head is worse than it was before and oh look, my stomach is twisting itself into delightful knots. As cathartic and soul-releasing as last night was, I'm sure as hell paying for it now.

"Oh I feel fine," lie, "just peachy," lie, "super amazingly fantastic." Lie.

I know, I know, I probably shouldn't be lying to my sister. But I could not be asked to deal with her fussing. I love her, I do, but I needed her to think that I was ok. That way, she would be more focused on her own emotional state. And I could be more focused on it. That was more important. She had to be ok in order for her to not want to sacrifice herself to save us. To save me. And we're back to that. It always comes back to that. My sister had to live. And I'll ignored as many of my own issues as I can to make sure that that happens.

"You sure?" I heard her ask as she walked back into the kitchen.

"Yeah, 100%" I muttered as I shifted so that I was laying down. Pulling the blanket back over me, I crossed my arms and rested my head on them.

Ellie must have believed my lies since she stayed in the kitchen. That's good, that's really good. Focus needs to be on her, not on me. I wasn't important enough, especially right now. Closing my eyes, I prepared myself to catch up on the sleep that I missed last night. Daaaaamn, I needed sleep. I was so tired. I could feel myself drifting off…

Fangs. Blood. Pain. Scared. Fear. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt.

Jolting awake, I sank my teeth into my forearm to stop myself from screaming. Crap. Crap. Crap. Ok, so I guess that sleep wasn't gonna happen. Holy hell. Sleep definitely wasn't gonna happen. Oh fuck, not good, so not good.

Ugh, now I feel sick again. Ok, breathe through it, Alexandria, breath. You were not going to be sick. Deep breaths. There we go. God, why was this one worse than last time.

I mean, I get that watching my death approach was almost definitely worse than it being unexpected. And it was slower and helluva lot more painful this time. But that still doesn't explain why I felt so awful. I suppose, thinking about it logically, this was probably a whole lot of stress catching up with me at the same time. And a lot of stress does negatively impact your immune system. I guess dying and then hysterically crying and puking my guts up was just the last straw for my body. Ugh, I hated being ill.

In lieu of sleeping, I turned on the TV. The sound of crappy daytime TV kept my mind occupied enough to keep me awake. But at the same time, it was boring enough to allow me to partially doze off.

XXX

A knock on the front door jolted me awake. Glancing at the clock, I groaned out loud and pushed the blanket off of me. Half a freakin' hour. That's how long I was asleep. Half a freakin' hour. Ugh, that sucked. I swear to god that whoever it is waking me up better have a damn good reason for doing so.

I pushed myself up and stood still for a second. Oh god did my body ache. Why, why did this have to happen now? Right, easy does it Alexa, one foot in front of the other. You can do this.

Oh so slowly, I made my way over to the front door. Ok, I've gotta give it to them, whoever was interrupting my sleep was being very polite at being made to wait. Either that or they had just given up and left.

Eventually, I made it to the front door and opened it. I could have fainted in relief as I saw the person on the other side.

"Damon," I smiled faintly, leaning against the door.

"Alexa," he gave me one of his special smiles before frowning, "Are you alright?"

I shrugged, wondering just how bad I looked, "Oh, y'know, had a delightful break down last night and now I'm paying for it."

"You should have called," my vampire sighed as he stepped forward and wrapped his arm around my waist. "I could have come over if you were having trouble."

Resting my head against his chest, I breathed in that lovely smell of his, "No, I couldn't. You needed time to grieve."

I didn't get a response to that. But then again, I wasn't really expecting one. It wasn't often that Damon spoke about his feelings and it certainly wasn't going to happen in a hallway where anyone could interrupt us.

Like my darling twin sister, for example.

"Damon, you're here," she said, coming out of the kitchen. Huh, it almost sounded as though she was expecting him to come. Did she phone him or something? Or had she just gotten to the stage where he no longer surprises her with his presence?

"I got your message," he told her, adjusting his grip on me slightly. "Where's John?"

"He's not here," Ellie answered, giving me one of her worried looks. "He left earlier. I don't know where he went. He just blew in, announced to Jenna that he's our dad and then took off."

Ok, a bit of a crude description of events but ultimately true. Although she did leave out the bit about him comforting me. But I guess she didn't really know about that bit.

"That's public knowledge now?" Damon asked in surprise as his fingers gently stroked my hip.

Y'know, it's actually gotten to the stage where I have no idea what is and is not public knowledge anymore. Or even what certain do and do not know. I've been so caught up in all of my twin drama that everything else had sort of fallen into the background.

"Apparently," Elena sighed, shrugging her shoulders.

It suddenly occurred to me that we were all having this conversation in the hallway. Which was odd, because Ellie normally liked to at least pretend to be a proper hostess while dealing with these situations. But since I was extremely comfortable leaning against my Damon like I was, I didn't bother pointing it out. Besides, as long as the conversation actually happened, it shouldn't matter where it took place, right?

"How are the two of you holding up?" the vampire asked, a brief flash of concern crossing his face.

"I'm managing and, well, you've seen Lexa," Ellie answered, gesturing towards me. Gee, thanks sis. "Jenna's head is spinning but I think she'll be ok."

"Did he say what he was doing here?" Damon asked as I closed my eyes.

"Not to me," I murmured, resting my cheek against Damon's chest.

"Nor me," Ellie added, shaking her head. "You know, Stefan thinks that he's telling the truth about wanting to help me."

My vampire raised an eyebrow, "Do you believe him?"

"No," my twin snorted. "I don't believe him for a second."

"Me neither," Damon agreed, his chest vibrating against my ear.

"I believe him," I piped up, opening my eyes. At the confused frown on my sister's face, I elaborated, "He spent the entire night comforting me after a pretty epic breakdown. Plus, he promised me that he would keep you safe."

"And you believe him?" Elena asked with a raised eyebrow.

Shrugging, I replied, "He's family."

That was the only answered that I needed to give. Ellie knew exactly how I felt about family and Uncle John was family, whether she wanted him to be or not.

"Ok," Ellie sighed, nodding her head. "So, what are we gonna do?"

I felt Damon shrug his shoulders, "Kill him."

"What? Hey!" I titled my head back and glared at him.

"Don't worry, I'm joking," Damon assured me before a smirk flitted across his face. "Ok, I'm a little serious."

"Meanie," I muttered, pinching his arm instead of elbowing him.

"You know I'm not gonna hurt him," my Damon whispered into my hair. "He's your family and I wouldn't do that to you."

"I know," a small smile formed on my face as I allowed my body to completely rest against Damon's.

"Now let's go and have a civil conversation with your father," Damon shifted his grip to my shoulder before, without any warning, scooping his arm under my knees and picking me up.

"Damon!" I squealed, gripping onto his shoulders for dear life as my eyes shot open.

"Relax, I'm not gonna drop you," he adjusted his grip before looking over at my sister, who had a strange look on her face. "You coming?"

"I'll join you later," she responded, smiling as I snuggled further into Damon's hold.

As Damon turned and walked out of the house, I rested my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes. What was it about this man that made me feel better no matter what had happened? He just made me feel like… like everything was going to be ok. That he would make it ok. Of course, the rational part of me knew that that wasn't possible. But the terrified part of me just adored the fact that he would try.

When we reached his car, I knew that it was time to let go. That was something that I really, really, really didn't want to do. He carefully let go of my legs but kept a firm grip on my shoulders until I found my balance again. Once I was steady, I reluctantly released my hold on him. I think that it was glaringly obvious that I didn't want to let go, especially to Damon. But thankfully he didn't say anything. Once I was safely inside the car, he made his way around to the other side and got in. I must admit, I was surprised that we were taking his car, but I suppose that gave us longer to chat.

I twisted around in my seat and watched Damon as he drove. There were no outside signs that Rose's death was affecting him. But I could tell that it was. It was in the way that he gripped the steering wheel just a tad too hard. The wariness in his eyes. The way that he constantly kept checking on me, making sure that I was still there. Although, thinking about it, that's probably because of the event that I will not think about.

Something in my face must have given away my thoughts as Damon asked, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I insisted, flashing a quick, fake smile. Unfortunately for me, my vampire knew me far too well to fall for it.

Raising an eyebrow, Damon gave me one of his looks, "Now I know that that is not true."

"It could be true," I muttered petulantly, crossing my arms.

"You're forgetting that I witnessed most of the fallout from the first time round. I know what the signs are, Alexa. Even if I didn't know what they were at the time."

I remained stubbornly silent for a few seconds before sighing, "You're right. I'm not fine. I am so far from fine that I can't even remember what it's like anymore."

Ok, ok, I know that I said that I wouldn't let him see just how much all of this was affecting me. But damnit, after last night, I just needed to be vulnerable for a bit. I needed someone to be strong for me and tell me that everything was going to be alright.

"You're not just talking about last night, are you?" my vampire looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes.

I snorted softly, "Am I really that obvious?"

"No, I just know you that well," Damon sent me a cheeky smirk which had me giggling quietly.

"That's true," I smiled before allowing the misery to consume me again. "It just feels like I'm constantly hitting a brick wall. My idiot sister just can't grasp the fact that her death will, well, it'll…"

"Destroy you. It'll destroy you," the man I loved finished for me, shaking his head.

"Yeah, that," my lips quirked up into a painful smile. "I dunno. I guess that last night made me aware of just how easy it is to lose someone. How powerless we can sometimes be. I mean, if a single werewolf can take out a 560 year old vampire, how can we stop the oldest vampire in existence? And that doesn't take into account the fact that the person that we are trying to protect is determined to get herself killed. It's just… it's getting all too much, Damon, and I'm struggling to keep up."

There. I admitted it. I couldn't deal with all of this. It was all too much, too fast. First Katherine, then Ty's werewolf curse, then the stupid sacrifice, then my stupid Elena deciding to become suicidal. Ugh, the whole death thing was just the last thing that I needed. And I didn't even have the time to deal with the fact that I died again because I needed to keep my idiot sister safe.

I ran my fingers through my hair and gave a sharp tug. The pain reminded me to get a ruddy grip girl. You couldn't fall apart. You needed to stay strong. Elena needed you to stay strong.

"Hey, Alexa, look at me."

Gentle fingers caught my chin and carefully turned my face to look at Damon. It was then that I became aware that the car had stopped moving.

"I'm going to make you a promise, Alexa," Damon said, his hand slowly sliding across my face and cupping my cheek. "No matter what, your twin will live. She'll be ok."

"You promise?" my voice sounded so damn vulnerable that I almost hated myself. This wasn't staying strong. This was, like, the exact opposite.

"I promise, no matter what the cost."

I shouldn't accept the promise of no matter what the cost. Because the cost to keep Elena alive could be something that I didn't want to live with. But I needed her. I wasn't yet able to live with my twin sister. I needed her in my life like I needed oxygen to breathe. I wasn't strong enough to live without her.

"Thank you," I breathed.

Damon leaned forward and, just for a second, I thought that he was going to kiss me. But instead, gentle lips pressed against my forehead. My eyes fluttered shut and I enjoyed the feel of his lips against my skin.

But of course, he wasn't going to properly kiss me, would he? Not after I revealed just how much of a pathetic mess I really was. No, I was too much of a mess for someone like Damon to love me.

XXX

It didn't take long to find Uncle John once we arrived at the Grill. Whether that's a good thing or not, I don't know. But at least it saved us the effort of actually looking. Which was good, since I was still tired and achy from the night before. And that sounds naughty. Ugh, you know what I meant.

Anyway, back to Uncle John. By the looks of it, he was bothering Aunt Jenna and Ric on one of their dates. After this morning, it didn't take a genius to work out that darling Uncle didn't approve of Auntie's relationship with Mr Saltzman. I don't know why he didn't approve. But whatever it is, he can just get over it. Ric made her happy and damnit, someone in this messed up family deserved to be happy.

The second that Uncle John saw us, his gaze honed in on the arm that Damon had wrapped around my waist. And probably the fact that his body was the only thing keeping me upright. That's one of the reasons why I hated being ill. I always managed to get really bad body aches and my balance became shot to hell. So it was nice to have someone to lean on.

"Right, let's go ask questions that we probably won't get useful answers to," I sighed, briefly resting my forehead against Damon's chest.

"You never know, we might get useful answers," my vampire started steering me forward.

"I was talking about getting useful answers without threats," I snorted before giggling as fingers dug into my ticklish side. "Nooo, Damon, stop."

Lifting my head from his chest, a small pout formed on my face as I looked up at him, "That wasn't nice."

"Got you to smile though," Damon's finger slowly stroked my bottom lip before he turned his attention to the people that we had just walked up to.

Ok, what the hell just happened? Did he really do that? Did it mean anything or am I reading too much into it? Ugh, don't be ridiculous, Alexandria. Of course you're reading too much into it. Like someone as amazing as Damon Salvatore would fall for a mess like you.

"John, buddy, how have you been?" he smirked at my uncle, clapping him on the shoulder with a bit more force than was actually necessary.

"I've been alright, Damon," Uncle John smiled falsely at my vampire. "It's good to see you."

I could see how much it actually hurt him to say that. And Damon could too, judging from the smug smirk on his face. Honestly, he could be such a child sometimes. But then again, so could I.

Giving his arm a quick squeeze, I reluctantly moved away from my Damon and slumped down onto the seat next to my auntie. I groaned softly and rested my head against her shoulder.

"Hey, Alexa, you feeling alright?" she asked, resting her hand against my forehead.

"Nuh uh," I shook my head and watched as my Uncle and vampire moved away from the table. "I don't feel too good."

"Body aches?" Aunt Jenna asked as she ran her hand through my hair.

"Yeah, body aches," I confirmed, closing my eyes and relaxing against her. I could practically sense my aunt exchange glances with her boyfriend over my head. Their relationship was actually really cute and they seemed to be perfect for each other. Out of all the people who my wonderful auntie has been interested in, Ric was the only one that I actually approved of. Approval of my family's potential other halves was rare.

"You want me to take you home?" Aunt Jenna asked quietly.

I shook my head, "Nah, I'm just gonna sit here for a bit before drowning my aches in sugary drinks."

Surprisingly, Aunt Jenna had never found out about my little drinking problem. I don't know how she never found out. But then again, Elena wouldn't have found out if I hadn't have blurted it out to her. I still regretted that. Although, I'm not sure if I regret the fact that she knew about my drinking problem or if I regret the way that she found out.

"That doesn't sound very responsible," my auntie sighed, already digging into her purse.

"One, screw being responsible, I'm aching too much for responsible," I groaned petulantly, not even bothering to hide the whine from my voice. "And two, don't even think about giving me any money, I'll just stick it all on Damon's tab, like usual."

"Damon lets you put all of your drinks on his tab?" Ric frowned, his gaze darting over to my vampire.

"Yup," I nodded, reluctantly pushing myself to my feet. "I made him while he was going through his 'dick' phase and he never really stopped, especially after we became friends."

"I bet you never reminded him, did you?" Aunt Jenna gave me one of those knowing looks that she had perfected when I accidently told her about my crush on Luke all those years ago.

"Course not," I managed a smile. "Risk losing unlimited free drinks? Nah, totally not my style."

"Of course it isn't," auntie shook her head, pulling her hand out of her bag. "Just make sure that you take these."

I held out my hand and she dropped a couple of aspirin onto my palm. After a stern look from my guardian, I reluctantly dry-swallowed them. Ugh, I hate dry-swallowing pills. I could have used either Ric's or aunt's drinks, but I couldn't be bothered to reach over. Lazy? Totally. But with the way I felt, I really didn't care.

"Thanks, Aunt Jenna," I said with a small smile. "Much appreciated."

"Go on," my aunt sighed, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze. "Go get your sugar high."

"Love you, Aunt Jenna," I gave her a kiss on the cheek before stumbling over to the bar.

Damn my body ached.

XXX

After what was, I'm sure, a thrilling conversation with my uncle, Damon quickly joined me by the bar. He wrapped an arm around my waist and I didn't even hesitate in resting my head against his shoulder.

"How are you feeling?" my Damon asked as the bartender put his usual glass of bourbon down in front of us.

"Slightly better than earlier but still pretty awful," I responded, tracing a pattern in the condensation that my glass left on the bar.

I knew that I would slowly feel better as the day went on. My body aches never lasted for more than a day, especially the ones I had after a breakdown like last night. But I still felt awful. And it was particularly inconvenient at a time like now. I needed to be at the top of my game in order to keep my idiot twin alive. And I couldn't do that if every movement made me want to curl up in bed and sleep for the rest of the year.

"The aspirin Jenna gave you not kicked in yet?" the vamp asked, hooking his ankle around a bar stool and pulling it over. He carefully sat down, making sure not to move me from my very comfortable position on his shoulder.

"Nope," I shook my head and shuffled closer before pausing. "How do you know that she gave me aspirin?"

"Well, one, you're wearing that little frown that you have when you take aspirin. And two, Jenna is the only person in here who knows that you're in pain and she has a habit of plying you with aspirin when she knows that you're in pain."

Ok, the fact that he recognised the face that I pull when I had to take pain killers just made my heart melt. That was just… Luke didn't even recognise that face and he knew me a heck of a lot longer. It made me realise just how much I loved that damn vampire that I was resting against. But I couldn't tell him. For one thing, I needed him to have his full focus on the whole saving my sister thing. And he wouldn't be able to do that if he had a stupid love confession from me to think about. Nope. Ellie comes first. Like always.

"Fair enough," I sighed, hiding a small smile. "What did you say to my uncle?"

"Oh, you know," Damon shrugged the shoulder that I was leaning against. "Just a little bit about trust and the fact that the only reason why he is still breathing is because he is related to you. The usual."

I know that's its wrong, but I couldn't help but giggle at that. In my defence, it was the way that he worded it. Promise.

"Nothing serious then," I mumbled, feeling my vampire rest his chin on the top of my head.

"I told him that me and Stefan have been drinking vervain," his arm wrapped tighter around my waist, pulling me closer.

"Bet he was surprised by that."

"Yep. He sure was."

Damon managed to consume two more bourbons before I had finished my cola. As was probably pretty damn obvious, my desire for sugar-filled cola was just a front for something that I desired much, much more. But I couldn't. I was doing so, so well. And I just didn't want to ruin that. Saying that, it won't take much to push me off the edge, not after yesterday. I was so close to just draining the whiskey bottles in my room dry… god, it actually scared me just how close I was. Of course, no one else knew just how close I was to falling off the wagon. No, they had more important stuff to worry about. Stuff that was far more important than I was.

A woman sitting next to me at the bar drew my attention away from the bourbon in Damon's hand. Even though it was rude, I stared at her. Call me crazy, but I could have sworn that I knew her from somewhere. But the question was, where from?

"What's got your attention?" the vamp next to me whispered in my ear. Hang on… I think I might know…

"I'm sure that I know her from somewhere," I muttered back before raising my voice. "Excuse me?"

The lady turned towards me and smiled cautiously, "Hi?"

"I'm sorry to disturb you, but are you friends with my aunt?" I asked, vague memories appearing in my mind.

"That depends on who your aunt is," the lady relaxed, seemingly relieved that I wasn't some creep in a bar.

"Jenna Sommers," I told her before watching as recognition dawned.

"Yeah, we haven't had a chance to meet in a while," she confirmed my thoughts. "I'm-"

"Andie Star," Damon cut in, breaking his silence. "The news lady."

"That's right," Andie seemed pleased that someone had recognised her from the TV. And was that a hint of interest in my vampire that I saw? "And you are?"

"He's Damon Salvatore," I answered before Damon could. "And I'm Alexa Gilbert."

"It's nice to meet you," Miss Interested-In-My-Damon-News-Lady smiled.

"It's nice to meet you too," I looked around the Grill and saw that my aunt was still here. "Speaking of Aunt Jenna, she's here right now if you wanna catch up."

I pointed her out and Andie turned to look, "Are you sure that she won't mind?"

"Aunt Jenna mind? Don't be ridiculous, she'll love to have the opportunity to catch up with a friend," I forced a smile onto my face and tried not to look as though I was trying to get rid of her. Which I totally was.

"Oh alright," Andie hopped off the bar stool. "It was good to meet you, Alexa. You too, Damon."

"Bye Andie," I waved her off before groaning and resting my forehead in the crook of Damon's neck.

"Alexandria Gilbert, did you just deliberately get rid of the nice young lady?" I could practically hear the laughter in Damon's voice.

"Yeah," I admitted, there was absolutely no point in lying, it was pretty damn obvious what I had done. "She was cutting into my misery, self-pitying and wallowing."

"I could have just compelled her to go away."

"Nah, my way, Aunt Jenna gets to spend time with a friend."

"You and your desire to see your family happy," Damon sighed into my hair. If they were happy, then I was happy. Their happiness mattered. And they deserved it.

I nodded, unable to think of an acceptable answer to that. At least, an answer that was acceptable to give to someone else. Fortunately, I didn't even have to try to think of one as my darling twin walked over to us. I hadn't even realised that she had arrived. Ugh, I was an awful twin.

As Elena got closer, I could tell that she was worried about something. And that made me worried. Because whenever Ellie was worried about something, then that meant that something bad was about to occur. And that was the last thing that I needed right now.

"Alexa, Damon," my twin greeted when she stopped in front of us. I could tell that she was wasting time. And oh look, my worry increases ever more.

"Elena, what's the matter?" I asked, gripping onto Damon's hand with my shaking one.

Ellie glanced around before shaking her head, "Not here."

My vampire and I exchanged troubled looks before following my sister.

XXX

"Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god."

I paced back and forth across the restroom, running my hands through my hair.

"Alexa, you need to calm down," Elena told me, grabbing my arms and stopping me.

"Calm down?" I hissed, pulling free. "Why the hell should I calm down? Caroline has been kidnapped by werewolves. Said werewolves want my Tyler. And I'm only just finding out about it."

"After yesterday, I just… I didn't want to worry you," Ellie said with an apologetic look.

"You didn't want to worry me?" I couldn't believe what she had just said. For godsake, my sister was just unbelievable sometimes. "You know what? That doesn't matter." I turned to look at Damon. "We need to save Caroline and keep Tyler away from them."

"It could get messy," the vampire warned, stepping forward and placing his hands on my shoulders.

"That's ok," I nodded sharply. Ok, my fear for my friends may be making me slightly crazy and irrational. But as with all the people that I cared about; I'd do anything to protect them. And giving a vampire permission to do anything to save them probably wouldn't be the worst thing that I would do to save them.

"Do whatever you need to do," Elena added. Alright, maybe it wasn't just me who was willing to do whatever it takes. Good. At least we're agreeing on something right now. I'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts.

"Just… bring Tyler back to me, yeah?" oh yes, I was definitely begging. I didn't have the energy to pretend that I wasn't begging. "I can't lose anyone else, Damon. I just can't."

"Hey, I can't promise that I'll bring him back," my vampire looked me in the eye. "But I will promise you that he won't get hurt."

"Thank you," I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him. I didn't even care. I needed comfort and my vampire provided me with comfort. Breathing in his unique Damon smell, I forced myself to relax. Tyler would be fine. Caroline would be fine. Everyone would be just fine. Well, everyone except for the werewolves who thought that it would be a good idea to abduct Caroline.

"I'm surprised that you're promising to protect Tyler," Elena spoke up, sounding curious. "Considering how much of a threat he is to you."

God, Ellie, you make it sound as though he would kill anyone who posed a threat to him… Ok, yeah he would. But still. You could have worded it a bit better.

"He's important to Alexa, why would I kill him?" Damon answered as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. It made me want to melt into a gooey puddle on the floor. The fact that he was so willing to protect Tyler just to keep me happy was… I didn't even have the words to describe how it made me feel. Guess it just made me love him even more than I did.

Elena didn't seem to have an answer to that. Which was just as well since Uncle John chose that moment to open the door and interrupt. Guess he didn't like the fact that his daughters were alone in a room with a vampire. No, scratch that. Alone in a room with Damon Salvatore.

"Do you mind?" my vampire sighed, sounding aggravated.

Apparently, Uncle John didn't mind as he walked further into the room, looking suspiciously between the three of us.

"What's going on?" he asked slowly, locking his gaze on me in Damon's arms.

"Nothing," Elena snapped, obviously wanting him to leave.

No matter how my feelings towards Uncle John have changed, Elena has stood firm in her hatred towards him. Yeah, she appreciated everything that he had done for me. But she couldn't forgive him for everything else that he had done. Which was understandable. Hell, if it weren't for the fact that he's been looking out for me recently, what with the ring and all, I would probably be hating on him even more than she was.

"It doesn't look like nothing," uncle raised an eyebrow and gestured towards me and Damon. "I want to know what's going on."

"Well guess what John," the vampire finally included himself in the conversation. "Trust works both ways. So get out."

Uncle John opened his mouth to argue when Ellie cut in, "Look, we don't have time for this. We need to get Caroline back."

"Don't forget Tyler," I muttered into Damon's chest before speaking louder. "I agree."

I know that Tyler wasn't exactly being hurt by these wolves, not like poor Caroline was. But that didn't mean that he doesn't need saving. The wolves were playing the manipulating game with him, trying to separate him from everyone. Well, we couldn't let that happen, could we?

"We don't need to do anything," Damon said sternly, emphasising the 'we'. "I'll take care of it."

Well, as much as I hated to be left out, the best person for the job was being sent out. And, to be perfectly honest, the way I was right now, I was nothing more than a liability. Even more than a human would be in a fight against werewolves. I wouldn't normally stand a chance and in these unusual circumstances, (which were becoming far too usual for my tastes), my chances were even worse.

"But Damon," Elena started to protest, not understanding why she was being left out.

"No," the vampire interrupted. "You have a far more important job: look after your sister."

Ellie started to protest again before looking at me. Something she saw must have made her change her mind since she immediately shut her mouth. Something vaguely resembling guilt entered her expression and I hated it. She had nothing to feel guilty about. It's not her fault that I'm such a mess right now. Well, not her fault, this time. No, it's not her fault that I died last night.

"You gonna be ok?" my Damon whispered in my ear, tightening his grip slightly before slowly letting go.

"I'll be fine," I smiled weakly, giving him one last squeeze before stepping away. "You be careful."

"I always am," he gave me one of his Damon smirks before looking at my birth father. "First dad duty: ground your daughters. Keep them here."

While he probably knew that he had nothing to worry about when it came to me, it was pretty obvious that my twin won't be held back for long. Once she had assured herself that I was as alright as I was going to get, there would be nothing to stop her from going to try and help her friend. So ordering Uncle John to keep her here was probably the best move. Even if it would put Ellie in a bad mood.

Damon looked at me one last time before leaving the room. Without his presence in the room, the calm that I was beginning to feel began to fade away again. It was as though he kept all of the chaotic and bad emotions at bay. I felt safe when he was around, which was utterly ridiculous, considering the fact that he was a goddamn vampire. But I knew that he would never hurt me and that he would always do his best to make sure that I wouldn't get hurt.

"Damon! You can't just leave us like this," Elena protested, stepping forward.

"No, no, no, no, no," Uncle John moved in front of the door, blocking our exit. "I'm with Damon on this."

Wow, never thought that I would hear Mr John I-Hate-Vampires Gilbert say that.

"I don't care," Ellie glared at him. "So get out of our way."

"No, stop, stop," Uncle John used his stern, frowny face that he frequently used when Jer and I were little brats. "Neither of you are going anywhere. So just tell me what's going on."

"No, why should I?" Elena continued with the attitude and I just couldn't help but think why. She was wasting more time than Uncle John was. If she told John what was happening then he might get out of the way quicker. But at the same time, I didn't want him to know. He didn't know about my darling Ty's secret and I wanted to keep it that way. God knows what might happen if he did find out. I had already ruined Ty by allowing his Uncle Mason die, I could hurt him more by allowing my anti-supernatural uncle to find out about his wolf side. Argh, this was all too much.

I started pacing again, running my hands through my hair and tugging on it slightly. Ugh, I just wanted all of this to be over. I wanted all of the people that I cared about to be safe. Why couldn't I have that? Why did everyone need to be in so much danger all of the time? I hated it. It just wasn't fair.

The next thing that I knew, warm, familiar arms were wrapping around me. Realising a shaky breath, I rested my head in the crook of my twin's neck. No matter what, a hug from my twin always calmed me down.

"Look, can you just go?" Elena snapped at our birth father. "So I can focus on someone who is actually important?"

Ouch Ellie, that must sting.

"How are you doing?" my sister whispered, gently rubbing my back as I heard the door close behind John.

Question: do I tell her about my emotional turmoil, my body aches or a little bit of both? Answer: the third option. It would be easiest. Plus, I didn't have to explain all of my issues, such as my intense desire to down my secret whiskey collection.

"Body still aches a little bit," I mumbled into her shoulder. "And I can't stop worry about Tyler and Caroline."

"They'll be fine," Ellie tried to reassure me. "Damon and Stefan won't let anything happen to them."

Logically, I knew that. But I wasn't being logical right now. I wasn't thinking with my brain. I was thinking with my heart. My emotionally messed up heart. So as much as she was trying to help, my twin's words did nothing to dent the worry lodged in my throat. But I couldn't let her know that.

"I know," I managed to force a genuine looking smile on my face. Well, it must have been genuine as Elena smiled back and stepped away.

"Let's get home, we can wait for news there," my twin gently cupped my elbow and pulled me towards the door.

Even if I had wanted to stay at the Grill, which I definitely didn't, I wasn't really given a choice. Sis was determined to get home and she wanted me to go with her. Unfortunately, while the thought of curling up at home was a wonderful home, being at home meant one thing. I had easy, unknown to others, access to quite a sizeable amount of alcohol. But hopefully, if I wasn't alone, then I wouldn't be tempted to fall off the edge into whiskey oblivion. So I let my twin pull me from the room and out into the corridor.

Unfortunately, it appeared that we had both forgotten that our darling Uncle John was waiting out in the hallway to ambush us. Ugh, even though I did actually love him, I just wished that he would leave us alone right now. For one thing, I just did not have the energy to play mediator between him and Ellie.

Elena took one look at him before snorting in disgust and pulling me in the opposite direction. But dearest uncle wasn't having that. He quickly dodged around so that he was standing in our way again.

"Neither of you are leaving this restaurant," he said sternly, focusing his words more towards my twin than me. Guess he saw that all I wanted to do was curl up somewhere and not move.

"You can't tell us what to do," my twin snapped, switching her grip from my elbow to my hand. Well, ok, guess I'll just let you fight this one, sis. Not that I minded. The state that I was in, she was much more likely to win than I was.

"Yes, I can," Uncle John retorted, stepping closer. "You want to know why?"

I could practically sense my twin preparing an answer along the lines of 'not particularly'. But before she could, uncle continued speaking, rendering the question rhetorical.

"Because I'm here to make sure that the both of you stay safe."

"I've got that covered," Ellie said. Uh oh. That was her angry and serious tone. Not even I messed with that tone. It meant that she was reaching the end of her patience and that we should be expecting a mega explosion of anger.

"Are you talking about the deal that you made with Elijah?" Uncle John asked sceptically, showing us exactly how he felt about that. "Do you really think that he's gonna keep his promise to you? Putting your faith in him was a dumb move."

Oh look, there goes the last of my sister's patience. Should I warn our uncle that he's about to face the wrath of Elena? Nah, that would take far too much effort. And things that required effort were things that I just did not want to do at that moment in time.

Ellie froze before stepping forward, a look of intense anger on her face, "Are you saying that I should put my faith in you? After everything that you did to Stefan and Damon?"

Huh, even though she never really liked him, my twin didn't normally show this much anger towards him. Felt it? Yeah. Showed it? Nope, didn't happen. Guess it showed just how much this whole situation was affecting her. Or maybe, and yes, I am selfish enough to think that, the fact that I wasn't feeling too good was enough to make her loose her composure. Yeah, I think I'll be selfish enough to think that. At least, for now I will.

"We've had our differences," John said, obviously put off by the amount of anger that my twin was directing towards him. "And I've made mistakes," yeah, that's putting it lightly, "But you, me and Alexa, we're family."

Ooooh, wrong thing to say. Completely wrong thing to say. It was sort of nice knowing you Uncle John.

"You don't get to use that word," Elena spat. Sighing I shuffled forward and rested my forehead against her shoulder. My twin squeezed my hand before continuing, "That word is off-limits to you!"

While I did think that that was a bit harsh, I completely understood where she was coming from. His actions nearly resulted in us losing the men we loved. And while my gratitude for the ring meant that I was willing to look past that, even if I would never forgive him for it, Elena couldn't. And I think he needed that. He needed to see that his actions had consequences. Unfortunately, one of those consequences meant that he has forever lost one daughter and the other was teetering on the edge.

"Fine," Uncle John sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "But it doesn't change the facts."

"You're right," Ellie nodded, sounding anxious to finish the conversation. Guess the fact that I was resting more and more of my weight against her had something to do with that. "Facts are facts, so listen up: you may be my father, but I'm never going to be your daughter. Yes, I will forever be grateful to you because you gave my twin the Gilbert ring, but that doesn't make up for what you did. And if Alexa does decide to include you in her family, don't you dare screw it up for her, you hear me?"

Before our birth father could answer, Ellie gently lifted my head from her shoulder before turning around. Wrapping an arm around my waist, she guided me out of the Grill.

"Wow, sis," I looked at her in amazement, that final speech was intense. "You certainly didn't hold back there."

"I said what needed to be said," my twin glanced over at me as we climbed into her car. "But dealing with John wasn't what was important."

"Oh?" I frowned, confused. "Then what was?"

My sister looked at me with that knowing look that I hated and loved at the same time, "Getting you home and curled up somewhere soft."

"Ellie…" I whispered. This was what I had missed, my sister thinking that looking after me was the more important option. And yes, while that may sound incredibly selfish, I just didn't care. I needed to hear it.

"Lexa, I know how you feel after a breakdown. And while I might not have been there to help you through it, I can look after you now."

Damn it Alexandria, don't you dare cry. Yep, here come the tears. Get a grip Alexa.

"Love you, Ellie," I gave my twin a shaky smile.

"Love you too, Lexa."

God, I've missed this.

XXX

I was once again curled up on the sofa when Uncle John returned home. On his way to the kitchen, I heard his footsteps pause. Next thing that I knew, a careful hand was running through my hair.

"You feeling any better?" he asked, moving his hand to rest on my forehead.

"Yep, as long as I don't move," I answered, keeping my eyes closed. It wasn't that I was being rude. I was just in that lovely place between asleep and awake and I didn't want to leave it.

Uncle chuckled quietly before saying, "Get some sleep, Alexa."

I wanted to sleep, to properly sleep. But I was scared. I knew what awaited me once I drifted off and I didn't want to be confronted with it. It was bad enough that I had died but I had to endure reliving it over and over again in my dreams. I just couldn't fall asleep without remembering it. And I remembered it enough during the day.

But even though I didn't fall asleep, I did close my eyes and doze. I listened to the sounds around the house. The quiet creak of the floorboards above me. The sound of Uncle John moving around the kitchen, tidying up after us. And all those normal sounds that one heard around the house.

Those noises made me relax. Because there was no way that I would be able to deal with complete silence right now. Silence meant that there was nothing to take my mind off of what happened last night. And, god help me, I needed to keep my mind off of it. Because if I let myself, even for just a second, think about the fact that I died last night, again, I would break. And I needed to be strong. Ellie needed me to be strong. I couldn't save her if I was broken, I just couldn't.

I could break later, once I've fulfilled my deal with Katherine. Saying that, I actually had no idea as how to do that. It's not like I could go up to Elijah and very nicely ask him to let her out of the damn tomb. Because he wouldn't. And as for killing Klaus, well, I didn't even know where he was, let alone be able to kill him. It really was a deal with the devil.

The sound of someone quietly walking down the stairs caught my attention and I pushed all thoughts of Katherine from my mind. While I did want to know who it was, that meant moving. And I had finally managed to get comfortable for the first time today. So I just listened, hoping that they would say something.

There was the sound of the fridge closing before I heard a gasp. Well, at least I know that my sister was in the kitchen. But why was she gasping…?

"I'm sorry about earlier," Uncle John said, his voice breaking the quiet. Well, that explained why Ellie was gasping. But seriously, was this guy stupid? Yeah, ok, we already know the answer to that. Elena had made her feelings towards him perfectly clear earlier. Trying to talk to her now would only make things worse. Trust me, I grew up with her. No one knew my sister better than I did.

"Enough, already," Ellie sighed, sounding slightly aggravated. "I don't want you here. And I can't make that anymore clear."

See, not a good idea to push her right now. But I must admit, I'm surprised that she hasn't shouted at him yet. Hmmm, maybe she's trying to keep calm.

"I didn't come here to fight with you, Elena," John sounded so sincere that I actually believed him. I think he actually did come here to help us. And I wanted to believe that that was the only reason why he came. But, somewhere deep inside, I couldn't help but think that he had another reason for coming. I dunno, maybe I was just being paranoid or something. God knows what with everything that has happened recently, being suspicious of people was natural.

"Yeah, I know, you're here to protect me," the bitterness in my twin's voice actually hurt. "Got it, get in line."

From that, I could tell that Elena thought that I had fallen asleep. It's not like she could forget that I was laying here since she was the one who settled me down on the sofa. Besides, there was no way that she would allow herself to sound that bitter about being protected if she thought that I could hear her. Or at least, I hope she wouldn't.

There was a moment of silence before Uncle John spoke again. He sounded… it was more than serious. I couldn't describe it but whatever it was, it made me listen.

"I'm not doing it just for you, Elena," he said.

"What do you mean?" Ellie asked, sounding confused. I must admit, I was confused to. Who else could he be protecting her for?

"You're not my only daughter. And by protecting you, I'm ensuring that I don't lose both my daughters."

Ah, right. Oh god, it's when he says things like that that I want to forgive him for every horrible thing that he's done. Because he did love us, in his own way. He just had a crappy way of showing it.

"What do you mean?"

Oh Elena, what do you think it meant? That's why she doesn't understand why I'm trying so hard to save her.

Uncle John sighed, "You honestly think that Alexa will survive losing you? She won't. But as the one person who knows her better than anyone, you should already know that."

Ellie was silent. I'm guessing that she couldn't think of any way of responding to that. But it was true. She knew me better than anyone, so she should know that her death would destroy me. And normally, she would consider that. But I think she's managed to convince herself that it was the best thing for her to do, so she was ignoring that little voice that said otherwise. And once Elena Gilbert had made her mind up, god help anyone who tried to change it. But that wouldn't stop me from trying.

"She'll survive," Elena eventually said and, exactly as I thought, it sounded as though she had convinced herself that that would be true. I think that our birth father must have realised that to as I heard him sigh again.

"If that's what you believe," he stated, frustration appearing in his voice for the first time.

"That's what I believe," Ellie confirmed. "Why are you even here?"

"I thought that you might want this," Uncle John answered. "It was your mother's."

I so, so, so desperately wanted to look to see what he gave her. But that would mean revealing that I had been awake this entire time. And I did not want to let Elena know that I had heard her.

"Isobel?" my twin scoffed, desperately wanting to avoid the touching family moment with our uncle.

"No, your mother, Miranda," he corrected softly and damn it, I could feel the tears welling up again. "I remember her wearing it when she was young. I found it in a box with some things that your dad left me. Here, it's yours now."

I carefully wiped away a tear as I tried not to make a sound. And the worst thing was, I was actually feeling a little jealous of my twin. Although, I think I can see a part of Uncle John's reasoning for giving it to her, maybe a reminder of our parents will make her want to fight. Though I won't be holding my breath.

A hand touching my shoulder made me jump. My eyes shot open, only for me to see Stefan Salvatore crouching in front of me.

"Hey," he mouthed, titling his head to the side in concern as he moved his grip from my shoulder to my hand.

"Hi," I mouthed back, squeezing his hand in silent reassurance. I knew exactly why he was concerned. It was pretty damn obvious that I was crying and Stefan knew how fragile my emotional state was right now. He was sweet like that. And he probably remembered what I was like last time. And it was clear to everyone that this time was even worse than that one.

"How you doing?" Stefan silently asked, brushing my fringe away from my eyes.

I automatically answered with my default answer of "Absolutely fine."

At that, the vampire gave me a stern look, letting me know that he wasn't gonna accept that lie.

"Ok, ok, I'm not doing too good at the moment," I answered truthfully.

And damn, didn't that just hurt to admit it. I could pretend all that I wanted but that was the truth. But by admitting it out loud, I couldn't hide from it. And right now, I needed to hide from it.

"Is there anything that I can do?" Stef asked and I could only think of one answer.

"Hug?" I simply asked, holding out my arms. Stefan smiled and pulled me into his arms. Sighing in relief, I wrapped my arms around his waist and clung on, burying my face in the crook of his neck as he rested a warm hand on the back of my head. My sister's boyfriend gave awesome hugs and I was never ashamed to take advantage of a situation to get one.

I had been eavesdropping on the conversation behind me while I got myself some comfort. It made me wanna cry, let alone Ellie, and none of the words were actually directed to me. While there was no way that I was in a fit state to look after her, the vampire that I was currently clinging to was.

"I think Elena might need you now," I whispered in his ear as I heard Uncle John leave. I gave him one last squeeze before reluctantly letting go. Stefan pulled back and looked at me carefully. He must have found what he was looking for as he nodded at me before standing up.

"Elena," he said, a look of concern passing over his face. He moved around the sofa and I looked up in time to see my twin throw herself into his arms. The shaky breath that I had always associated with Ellie crying could be clearly heard and it broke my heart. I was itching to rush over and gather her into my arms. But I couldn't. Because she needed someone stronger than I was to comfort her. And that wasn't me. Yeah, I felt strong enough to help save her life, but emotionally comforting her was a bit beyond me at the moment.

"Are you ok?" I heard her mutter into Stefan's shoulder. While I couldn't see any wounds on the vampire, it was possible that he had been injured. With his healing abilities it was near enough impossible to tell if he had been injured or not. Especially if he had changed his clothes.

"I'm fine," he was quick to reassure my twin, gently stroking her hair. I only half believed that. But I knew that Elena needed him to be fine, so I didn't say anything. Besides, it's not like I could, not with how I have been recently.

"Did you hear that?" Ellie asked Stefan, referring to whatever Uncle John had been telling her. "I don't believe him, Stefan. I just don't."

I think, in a way, she's afraid to believe him. To us kids, Uncle John had always been the family member that we didn't like. We always avoided him when he came over and mocked him behind his back. He never really felt like family. To accept him as our father, as a proper member of the family, it would almost be too much. It would be one change too many. So I understood why she didn't want to believe his words.

"What happened tonight? How's Caroline?"

Stefan hesitated before answering, "I could use your help…"

He explained what had happened in the woods, what Caroline had gone through. The thought of Caroline once again being used as a pawn in a sick little game made me want to scream at the world. It just wasn't fair. Caroline didn't deserve that. She was a good person.

Elena and Stefan quickly gathered the necessary items for a slumber party while I retreated into the kitchen. As I took my place by the coffee machine, I sent a quick text to Damon.

'Are you ok?x'

I knew that he had a tendency to be reckless when it came to fights. The fool got too cocky. While that wouldn't normally be a problem, he was fighting werewolves. We lost Rose last night from a wolf bite, we didn't need to loose anyone else so soon. Hell, we didn't need to lose anyone else period.

Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long for an answer as my cell soon pinged, 'I'm fine.'

Well, ok, not the most comforting of texts. Damnit Damon, more detail needed. For all I knew, he was just saying that so I would worry. Not that it worked because I was still worrying.

'You sure? You're not just saying that to make me feel ok?x'

Yes, I put kisses on the end of my texts to him. But it was no big deal, well, that's what I tell people. Namely my annoying siblings and their knowing smirks. God, they were so annoying.

'Would I do that?'

Haha, was that a serious question? Of course he would. Especially if he thought that it would make me feel better.

'Yes :P x'

I didn't get a reply. Which was normal when I won and he didn't have a response. That happened often, more times than he cared to admit. Not that he would ever admit to losing. Ever. Although I shouldn't complain, his ego was one of the things that I fell in love with. His self-assurance was just what I needed since it made me feel as though nothing bad would happen to him. After all, if he acted like nothing could get him, then surely it was true. Ok, that doesn't make sense. But still, it helped me pretend that I would never lose him. He was a constant that I so desperately needed.

I looked up to see Stefan by the door and Elena walking towards me. I knew what she was going to ask before she even asked it. Was I going to go with them to Caroline's? I so, so, so desperately wanted to. But I couldn't. I was only a step away from another breakdown and the sight of darling Care suffering was likely to push me over the edge. Besides, she needed people around her who could be strong. And that was not going to be me right now.

As I locked gazes with Ellie, I smiled shakily and goddamnit Alexa push back those tears.

"I can't," I told her before she could even open her mouth. "I just… I'm not in the best place to be a comforter right now."

I knew that it was totally selfish. My friend needed me and yet I couldn't be there for her. But that's who I was. I was selfish. It wouldn't be good for me to be around her while we were both feeling fragile.

My twin smiled understandingly and wrapped me up in a hug. My arms immediately wrapped around her in return. I closed my eyes and briefly enjoyed a moment of familiarity.

"Give her my love," I whispered in my sister's ear before reluctantly loosening my grip.

"I will," Ellie smiled, gently cupping my face before pulling away.

I watched her leave and resisted the urge to pull her back inside the house. I just couldn't shake the feeling that every time she walked out that door, she might not walk back in. And I hated it. I missed the days where I didn't have to worry about that. It's amazing just how much our lives have changed.

XXX

It didn't take me long to work my way through one pot of coffee. Yes, I was deliberately searching for a caffeine high because there was no way that I was going to go to sleep tonight. Especially not after last night. I remember full well what it was like the first time that I died, the never-ending nightmares. And since this time seemed to be worse, I was not going to risk having them. So the best solution that I could think of was a caffeine high to make sure that I didn't sleep.

… Ok, it was a rubbish plan. But hey, I didn't care. All I cared about was not reliving the moment of my death over and over again.

A knock on the door startled me out of my coffee trance. Frowning, I placed my coffee mug down and slowly walked towards the door. I knew that it wouldn't be Damon as he would just stroll right in without knocking. And I couldn't think of anyone else who would knock at this time of night.

I let out a sigh of relief as I opened the door to see my dear older brother on the other side.

"Ty," I went to step to one side to let him in when he shook his head.

The frown returned, "Ty?"

"Not here," he answered and started to walk away. Still frowning, I shut the door behind me and followed.

Taking a closer look, I noticed that he was all tense in that angry way that he did when he was trying not to explode. A look at his face told me that he was definitely on the bad side of angry. As I hurried alongside him, a sick feeling started to form in the bottom of my stomach. He was angry. He had spent time around werewolves, around Jules, and he was angry.

I waited until we were a few streets away from home before hesitantly asking, "Tyler, are you ok?"

Tyler laughed bitterly and I just wanted to curl up into a ball, "Am I ok? No, Alexa, I am not ok. You wanna know why?"

The tone of voice that he was using was the exact tone that he used when we had that big fight last summer. And I just wanted to cry at the sound of it. That tone meant that this was serious. Serious and very, very bad.

"Only if you want to tell me," I quietly answered. I was itching to move forward, to comfort him in some way, but I could tell that it would be a bad idea.

"I know, Alexa, I know about your role in Mason's death. How Damon murdered him. How you've been lying to me this entire time!" he ended up shouting the last part, unable to hold in his anger any longer.

With every word that came out of his mouth, I just wanted to sink into the ground and hide. The mixture of hurt and anger and despair and hopelessness in his voice was killing me. But it was the look of absolute betrayal in his eyes that hurt the most.

There was nothing that I could say to excuse what I did but I had to at least try to explain.

"Ty, please, just let me explain," I begged, reaching out, completely ignoring my instinct that that would be a bad idea.

"No, Alexa," he sharply shook his head, stepping away from me. "You lied to me. You saw how much I was hurting and how much I needed him and you still lied to me."

He was right. He needed Mason during those days before he turned. When he was panicking and terrified about turning for the first time. But instead of helping, I just carried on lying to him. God, what kind of friend was I? I called him family and yet I did that to him.

"There is nothing that I can say to justify what I did, I know that," I let my arm fall back to my side and begged. "But please, just listen to me."

"Why should I?" he spat, the sheer hurt in his voice shattered what was left of my heart.

I could feel the tears forming but I ruthlessly pushed them away. I didn't deserve to cry. Not after what I've done. Because I did this to him. I hurt him like this. He was in agony because of me. I completely destroyed his trust in me. Just another example of what a horrible, selfish person I was.

"I hate myself for what I allowed to happen, for what I did," I couldn't even look my broth… Tyler in the eye. "And I can't even put into words how much I loathe myself for lying to you all this time. Through your turning…"

"You should hate yourself," Tyler looked at me and I could see the tears in his eyes. "I trusted you. And you betrayed me."

"Ty, please," I whispered, wrapping my arms around myself.

"No, Alexa, I can't even look at you right now."

With that said, he shook his head and turned around. As he started to walk away, I could see him wiping tears from his face.

Falling to my knees, I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I bit my lip in an attempt to muffle my sobs only to end up drawing blood. I hated myself. No, I loathed myself. He trusted me. He depended on me. And I betrayed him. I hurt him in the worst way possible. Oh god, what have I done? I was a horrible, horrible person.

I don't know how long I was kneeling on that sidewalk for before I felt a hand land on my shoulder. It goes to show just how deep into despair I was that I didn't even jump in surprise. At that moment in time, I just didn't care how much danger I was putting myself in by being alone outside at night.

"Alexandria?"

I looked up to see Elijah the Original Vampire crouched down in front of me. And I didn't care. He could do anything to me right now, he could kill me if he wanted to, and I just didn't care.

"Elijah," I croaked, sounding absolutely wrecked. Wow, guess I had been crying for quite a while.

A tiny frown formed on the Original's face as he stood up and looked around.

"Are you alone?" he asked, looking down at me.

"Yup, just me, all alone, just like I deserve," I rubbed at my cheeks with one hand as I shakily pushed myself to my feet.

Unfortunately, my balance seemed to be shot to hell and my legs were shaking like crazy. Before I could fall back down onto my ass, strong hands grabbed my elbows and helped me up the rest of the way.

"Uh… thank… you," I stuttered, feeling extremely confused. What was he doing? Why was he even here?

Elijah looked around before saying, "Let's get you home."

He released one elbow but kept a careful grip on the other as he helped me walk down the street. To be honest, I didn't know what disturbed me more: the fact that he knew how to get back to my house or the fact that he was helping me.

"Why are you helping me?" I asked quietly, not looking at the vampire next to me.

I wasn't worth the help. He should have left me where I was, that's what I deserved after what I did.

"A part of the deal that I made with Elena was for you to be protected," Elijah answered, adjusting his grip from my elbow to upper back once he saw that I was walking ok. "She was quite adamant about that part."

"I can imagine," I snorted, not at all surprised. What did I do to end up with such an amazing twin sister? She was just another person who I didn't deserve. Who was too good to be associated with me. She needed a twin who was strong enough to save her. Not one who had managed to get herself killed within such a short space of time. What was worse was that those deaths could have been avoided. All I had to be was smarter, don't antagonise the centuries old vampire. So use yourself as bait for the rabid vampire. A deserving person wouldn't have died like I did. Speaking of my deaths…

"You compelled Katherine to stay in the tomb," I said without warning and wow, I think I surprised Elijah. "Why?"

I glanced up at the vampire next to me to see a curiously blank expression on his face. That told me so much more than any words ever could. Katherine had done something to him. She had hurt him in some way.

"Katerina broke my trust," he eventually answered.

"That seems to be a common occurrence in this town," I muttered bitterly, my mind drawn back to how I had betrayed my old brother.

He didn't seem surprised by my bitterness which made me wonder how much of my fight with Tyler he had heard. I was itching to ask how he knew where I was or why he was even in the area. But I was slightly afraid of the answers that I would receive.

"Elijah, can you promise me something?" I asked as my house came into view. I knew that I was taking a risk but he from what I had heard, Elijah was the sort to keep his promises. And that was exactly what I needed.

"Of course," he answered, looking curiously amused. It was almost as though he already knew what I was going to ask him. Although, if he had been paying as much attention as I thought he had been, that was entirely possible.

"Can you promise me that, no matter what, my twin survives this whole, stupid sacrifice thing?" I stopped just before we reached the porch and looked up at the Original vampire.

"I will do everything in my power to make sure that Elena survives," was the exact answer that I wanted to hear. "I give you my word."

"Thank you," I managed a small smile. Now I had an Original Vampire to help keep Ellie alive. One that had a much better chance of achieving that than I did.

I could sense his gaze on my back as I walked up the porch stairs and into my home. Since there was a chance that adults would be lurking about, I didn't collapse against the door like I wanted to do. Instead, I quietly walked up the stairs and into my room.

Once inside, I knelt down by my bed and pulled out the box that I kept at the top. Opening it up, I released a shaky breath and stared down at the six bottles laid within. Some here from my previous drinking binge all that time ago. A couple were ones that I had recently purchased.

The temptation to reach out and just devour them was so strong. I didn't realise just how much I needed a drink. Anything to numb the sheer amount of guilt that I felt. The self-loathing. All those horrible feelings that had been building up since I first heard about that stupid sacrifice.

But I couldn't. I knew myself well enough to know that if I had just a single drink, I wouldn't be able to stop. I wouldn't want to stop. I would drink until everything was numb and good.

And I didn't deserve numb. I needed to feel those horrible things. That was my punishment for betraying Tyler.

XXX

Damon's POV

I knocked back another bourbon before gesturing to the Grill bartender to get me another. I knew that I should have cut myself off a while back but taking on a pack of werewolves did it take it out of you. It had taken a lot of energy to fight them off and keep an eye on the Lockwood kid. Not that the punk was grateful or even aware of it. But he was alive and that would make Alexa happy. God knows that she needs every bit of happiness she can get right now.

Before I could down the new bourbon in front of me, a voice to my right spoke up, "You're still here." Frowning, I looked over to see the news lady from earlier standing next to me. "I didn't expect to see you here," she continued, smiling at me. "I'm-"

"Andie," I finished for her. As if I could forget the person who made Alexa quite jealous earlier. Even if she did deny it, it was easy to see. While it was amusing to watch, I couldn't help but wonder if it meant that she returned my feelings. Not that I would ever find out. She deserved better so I was going to make sure that she got better. Even if it was complete torture being around her, hence the drinking. Ugh, I sound like one of those vampires from those awful teen novels.

I finished off the bourbon to comfort myself before focusing my attention on Andie Star.

"Are you alright?" she asked with a small smile.

I opened my mouth to give my usual flippant response of 'completely fine'. But instead, I ended up answering with, "No, I'm in love with a woman I can never have."

"Oh," Andie looked surprised and slightly disappointed. Well, well, Alexa did have a reason to be jealous earlier then. She regained her composure pretty quickly before opening her mouth and countering with a surprisingly non-idiotic question, "Does she love you back?"

Now that was the question. One that I didn't have an answer to. And if I didn't want to live an eternity of misery, I wouldn't get an answer.

"I don't know."

News lady chewed on her lips before asking, "Have you told her that you love her?"

"No," I snorted and to think that I momentarily thought her not to be an idiot.

"Why not?"

"Because she deserves someone better than me," I answered. Why was I being so honest with this stranger? I didn't talk about my feelings. Not with anyone. Well, except Alexa but she was my exception. The one who wormed her way underneath all my barriers. "Someone who can give her everything that she deserves."

"But is that what she wants?"

That was… a good question. Not that I would ever ask. Whether it be good or bad, I did not want to know the answer to that question. And I don't think Alexa even knew the answer to that. All of her focus was on making sure that Elena didn't do something else that was stupid.

My amazing girl had managed to work herself into such a state over this sacrifice. All of that beautiful confidence had just faded away. The more that Elena tried to get herself killed, the more hope Alexa lost. It had gotten to the point where she didn't even bother hiding her despair. And it hurt. I was a vampire; I shouldn't be hurting because I could see the girl I love breaking.

"I have no idea," I eventually answered.

"Well, maybe you should ask her," Andie pushed.

I gave her a funny look, "Why are you so pushy?"

She shrugged, seeming self-conscious, "Maybe I'm feeling so unlucky in love that if I help someone else find it then maybe I can."

Wow. I did not know what to say to that.

Taking a quick look around, I leaned forward and compelled the woman to not repeat anything that I said. Maybe if I was said out loud how I felt I could work it out properly.

"I'm a bad person, Andie, and I revel in that. But she makes me want to be a better person. And it's not like she tries to make me better, she just does it by being in my life. And I don't know how to be a better person while still being who I am."

"Well, maybe this is who you are now. Maybe that better person is you are. Love does that Damon, it changes us. All you have to do is accept that change."

I could do that. For Alexa, I could do that.

XXX

A/N: Thank you for the reviews, my lovelies :) keep them coming! And please let me know what you've thought of the rewrite and what has happened so far, with all the plot changes. I'm always happy to discuss what you think and what improvements could be made :) until next time, my lovelies, enjoy xoxo