Severus arrived at Theda's chambers at 8:00 sharp, after a quick attempt to freshen himself up a bit. When she opened the door he was struck by how beautiful she looked. He had always thought she was attractive, but it was clear she'd made a special effort for the occasion.
"You smell nice." She said, releasing him from a quick hug.
"Oh, umm... So do you." He said awkwardly.
As she led him into the dining area he noticed that the room was more dimly lit than usual, the crackling fireplace the only light source, which helped to put him at ease.
"I forgot to ask what sides you'd want me to make, so I made a few different things. The steaks are almost done so we can start with the salad and then when they're ready I'll serve them with the rolls and potatoes."
"You went to so much trouble..." He said, feeling guilty.
"Only because I wanted to." She smiled, setting the table. "I'm sure it's been a while since you had a nice home-cooked dinner."
"Umm... I don't think I ever have, to be honest."
"Never? Your parents never cooked for you?"
He scoffed as if it was a ridiculous notion.
"Never." He said sternly.
"Well then, I'm glad I went to the trouble." She said, smiling sympathetically. "Would you like something to drink? I have firewhisky, gillywater, elf-made wine..."
"Wine would be nice."
"I'll pour us some. Why don't you have a seat?" She said, gesturing towards the table.
"I feel like I should have brought something," He said, shifting nervously in his seat.
"Don't be silly. You're my guest."
"Don't guests customarily bring something as a token of their appreciation?"
"Well, I suppose, but... Either way, don't worry about it. Your company is enough." She said, handing him a glass of wine.
An awkward silence passed between them before Severus spoke up.
"I know you said there was no occasion, but... if I'm being honest it does seem that this wasn't just an excuse to practice your cooking... "
Theda was silent for a moment before responding.
"Well, I suppose I may have had other motives... Between the attacks, finals, occlumency training, and everything else, we've both been under a tremendous amount of emotional strain recently. To be honest, I thought perhaps we could both use a night of good food, good company, and nothing else to worry about."
Severus nodded, still unsure of her true motives but willing to let it go for now.
Theda brought the food to the table, already perfectly plated, and laid it in front of him.
"This all looks amazing. Thank you for doing this."
She gave him a small nod, waiting for him to try his dinner. Once he did, he raised his eyebrows in surprise at how good it all tasted, silently showing his approval. The two sat in silence as they ate, neither sure what to say. It was not uncommon for them to share in a comfortable silence during their dinners, but this was different. There was a distinct tension between the two of them that could be physically felt by them both. Theda seemed unusually agitated, refilling her wineglass often enough to imply that she was working up her courage for something.
"So... I wanted to ask you something."
"Oh?"
Theda paused for a long moment, downing her glass of wine before refilling her glass with a quick wave of her wand.
"You said Dumbledore knows Nicholas Flamel, right?"
Severus was slightly taken aback, not having expected that particular question at a time like this. He sensed that this was not what Theda had been working up her courage to ask.
"Yes, I did say that... You were going to speak to him about it, remember?"
"I know... I've been so preoccupied with everything, I keep forgetting to ask him. As soon as the holidays are over it's going to be my first priority."
"The sooner the better, because, as I said, I happen to know he doesn't have much time left."
Her long silence confirmed his suspicions that this was not the real subject Theda had intended to discuss, her mind clearly elsewhere.
"...May I ask you something else?" She finally asked.
He nodded.
"What do you think is the appropriate amount of time for people like us to wait before moving on? People whose loves are lost forever? Because it's not like a breakup, is it? It's... much more complicated."
This abrupt change in topic threw him completely off guard.
"You're right. It is a different kind of loss, one most people don't understand. Few can imagine what it's like for those of us who were left behind to be forever unable to speak our piece. To never find true closure."
Theda nodded.
"Marius and Hugh think I should be ready to move on, but... They don't know the full story. Even if they did, they wouldn't be able to relate. Neither of them have felt what I feel. No one has... Except you."
"Your friends want you to be happy. But, despite their noble intentions, it's not their place to tell you when it's time to try again. I don't think you can put a timeline on something like that."
"Do you think three years is enough?"
"As I said, I don't think there's a timeline, or a rulebook. I think it depends on the person. For some, it may be more than enough time to come to terms with the loss, but for others it may not."
"What about for you? What do you think your timeline is?"
"What?"
"I just mean... Do you think you'll ever be ready to move on from Lily?"
"Move on?"
Theda nodded, taking another nervous sip of wine.
"No, I... I don't think I'll ever move on. 'Moving on' implies leaving her behind, and... I don't think I can see that happening."
Theda nodded, her eyes focusing on the candle in the center of the table as she took on a more introspective air.
"Then again," He continued, "I do sometimes long for..."
He cut himself short, suddenly shifting in his seat as if he were internally kicking himself for saying too much.
"What? What do you long for?"
Snape paused for a moment, considering how much he wanted to divulge.
"Sometimes I long for a second chance."
"A second chance at love?"
"A second chance at life... There are many mistakes I bitterly regret. I often wonder, if I had a chance to right all those wrongs, would I make the right decisions the second time? Would Lily still be alive?"
"Severus, you can't spend the rest of your life wondering if you could have saved her. You'll go mad. You can't change the course of fate. That's one thing I've learned from my grief."
Theda was quiet for a moment, her mind elsewhere.
"May I ask what's brought on this sudden shift towards the melancholy?" He inquired.
Theda took another gulp of wine before responding.
"I'm sorry if I seem out of sorts. Tonight is the anniversary of... the last dinner Douglas and I ever shared together."
"Oh, I... I'm sorry."
"It's okay... This is the first year it hasn't felt like... Like my heart was somewhere else. With Douglas, wherever he is. I feel like my heart is here... In this school... In this room... Like it found me again. Does that make sense?"
Severus felt his own heart skip a beat.
"I think I know what you mean. You've had quite a bit to drink, haven't you?"
"Is it that obvious?"
"Well, yes, seeing as I've been with you the whole time."
Theda giggled softly, but Severus could see that her eyes were holding back tears. He hesitantly extended his hand towards hers from across the table. As her eyes were drawn to his advancing hand, he withdrew it slightly, afraid of how she might react to his touch. Despite her best efforts, a tear slowly trickled down her cheek, but as she lifted her hand to wipe it, Severus intercepted it, enveloping her icy fingers in his hand.
"You asked me what my timeline was, Miss Desmond... The truth is, I never thought I could love another woman... It's been 11 years since Lily died, and I had decided long ago that she was the only woman I could ever feel anything for. That I was chained to her for life, even after her death. And while I maintain that I don't see myself 'moving on', as you put it... I have come to believe that, for the right woman, I could try again."
"Do you think you'd feel... guilty?"
Severus felt a familiar pang of shame.
"I know I would."
"...Do you think I would be a bad person if I didn't feel guilty?"
"No, not... Not at all. You were abandoned by a man you had been so devoted to... You didn't do anything wrong, and you have no reason to feel guilty. I think the fact that you've been alone for three years is evidence of your loyalty and devotion to this man... You, of all people, deserve to be happy... And if there should come a day when you were to fall in love again, well... I would be happy for you."
Her tears came crashing down as she was unable to hold them back any longer. Severus got up, wrapping his arms around her and lifting her from her chair. He walked her to the couch, sitting there with her and letting her cry on his shoulder.
"I know you're right, Severus... I know it wasn't my fault... I know I deserve to be happy... So why does it still hurt so much?"
He felt his breath hitch as she clung onto him tighter, his own tears now cascading down his cheeks as he gently rubbed her back, unsure what to say.
"I'm so grateful to have you, Severus... You truly are the only person in my life who can understand what I'm going through."
They stayed there on the couch for some time, each feeling an indescribable comfort in each other's arms. Severus eventually felt the tension in her body ease away as she fell into a quiet sleep. He laid her down on the couch, resting her head against the pillows. He continued to sit with her until there came a sharp knock on the chamber door. When he cracked the door open he was surprised to see Minerva standing there with a grim look on her face.
"Miss Desmond, I-"
She cut herself short when she realized Severus was standing before her in Theda's doorway.
"Miss Desmond is not feeling well. May I be of assistance?"
Minerva was visibly confused but in too much distress to probe further.
"There's been another attack."
"Who?"
"A second-year boy, that's all I know."
Severus' heart dropped at her words, his mind racing with intrusive thoughts about Harry lying on the ground in some dark corridor of the castle, his body cold and rigid as marble.
"I'll be right there."
He closed the door, returning his attention to Theda. He gently slipped off her heels, then took the blanket that was folded over the back of her couch and laid it over her. Despite his best effots not to wake her, she began to stir. She reached for his hand, pulling him closer.
"Stay, please... I don't want to be alone... Not tonight..."
He sat down on the edge of the couch, her hand still in his.
"I'm afraid I can't. I would, but... Something's come up. I have to go."
"Is everything alright?" She asked, trying to sit herself up as she sensed the fear he was trying so hard not to show. "Do you need me to come with you?"
"Everything's fine, don't worry. You wouldn't be much help in your condition, anyway," He halfheartedly teased. "You just rest. When you wake up, make a tea with mallowsweet leaves. It'll soothe the headache and nausea."
"Severus, I'm not that drunk..."
The corners of his mouth twitched into a slight smile as he gently laid her back against the pillows.
"Do as I say," He affirmed in a hushed voice.
She rolled her eyes before her eyelids slowly began to fall. She felt the warmth of his lips on her forehead, but when she opened her eyes in shock he was already gone.
