Disclaimer: I only own my OCs

A/N: This is quite a painful chapter for Alexa, the poor girl goes through a lot while also finding out something that she probably wishes that she didn't. On the plus side, we get some lovely family moments and some Klaus time, which is always fun to have!

XXX

"Please tell me that I didn't drool in my sleep," I mumbled into the warm chest, keeping my eyes shut. The fingers gently running through my hair paused before they gently stroked my cheek.

Damon's voice was rich with amusement as he reassured me, "Nope, no drooling. Which is impressive considering how out of it you were."

I scrunched up my nose in annoyance as I grumbled, "Xanax sucks."

My vampire's fingers returned to my hair as he carefully shrugged, "Jenna wouldn't have given it to you if you didn't need it."

"Yeah, I think I scared her a little bit," I admitted quietly before sighing, "Which sucks. Cos it keeps happening. And I hate it."

"I know you do, Ally," Damon eased me up into a sitting position before passing me a glass of water. "But Jenna's a big girl, she can handle her worry. And you know that she would prefer you worrying her over hiding it."

"Yeah, I know," I grumbled into my water before I settled back against my pillows. "But I don't like people fussing over me."

My vampire just raised an eyebrow at me, "Well, get over it."

I placed the glass to the side as I repeated his words mockingly, receiving a jab to the ribs for my efforts. I whined pitifully and gave Damon a pathetic look. He rolled his eyes at me before opening his arms again. I didn't need any prompting as I moved to rest against his chest.

"So, what are your plans for the day?" I asked, tangling my legs with Damon's. The water had helped the headache that I had woken up with. It was a side effect of my panic attack yesterday. I hadn't stopped it quickly enough, and the stress of it all had given me a headache. Which sucked.

"Well, Stefan has decided that going cold-turkey from human blood is a fun thing to do," my vampire rolled his eyes at the thought. But I could hear the worry in his tone. "So I'll do my best not to rip his hand off when he taps his ring against the table too many times."

"Stefan is off the human stuff?" I frowned, glancing up at him. When Damon nodded, I rested against him in surprise. "Well, I wasn't expecting that. I thought he would be drinking human blood for a lot longer. Is he eating the squirrels again?"

"Yes, he is munching on the woodland inhabitants again. But it isn't doing much for his cravings and it's only a matter of time before he snaps again."

"Does he normally not go cold-turkey then?"

"Not like this," Damon's voice was tense as he gently stroked my side. "Lexi used to wean him off of it, while helping with the cravings. Doing it like this, so soon after a ripper bend, it's dangerous."

I frowned in thought for a moment before asking, "Did Stefan ever learn how to control his hunger? Or did he always eat cute, furry creatures?"

"When he first turned, my brother's hunger was insatiable. It was Lexi's arrival that changed that. She got him on the animal blood diet quite quickly. And he never learned moderation because of that. So now, he falls off the wagon every few decades, munching his way through the young ladies of whatever town is unfortunate enough to be housing him."

"Oh shit," I whispered before moving to straddle Damon's lap. His hands landed on my hips as I stared up at him. "Who did you learn moderation from? Like, why didn't you become a ripper like Stefan?"

Damon's eyes were dark as he stared into mine, "I didn't enjoy the feed at first. I needed blood, I drank blood, and most of the time, my victim died. I suppose I was going through the motions, waiting until I could get Katherine back. And then, when I returned to town in the early 1900s, I met a vampire who taught me how to enjoy it, to find pleasure from the feed."

"Is that vampire why you enjoy it now?" I asked quietly, resting my hands on his chest, playing with the buttons on his shirt.

"A part of the reason," my vampire nodded, the tension in his body easing a little. "I learned to love life again, to love what I had become."

"I'm glad," I nodded once, keeping my gaze on his lips and avoiding his eyes. "No one should hate what they are. It feels like that is why Stefan has so much trouble. He hates that he is a vampire and he doesn't accept. You do. And its… I dunno, I guess its admirable. Being a vampire doesn't have to be a bad thing."

"There are a lot of people that would disagree with you there," Damon pointed out softly and I rolled my eyes.

"I don't care what they think," I groused as Damon gently forced me to meet his gaze. "There are good things about being a vampire. Just like there are good things about being a human. Both states have their downsides. And let's be real, being a vampire sounds so cool."

It was Damon's turn to roll his eyes before he pulled me closer for a kiss. I melted into his arms as his lips devoured me, his hands holding me still. I pouted pitifully when he pulled away far enough to whisper, "I'm glad that you think that."

"Of course I think that, Day. You deserve someone that accepts all of what you are. And I like to think that I am that person. Being a vampire doesn't immediately make you an irredeemable, evil asshole. Its your choices that dictate who you are, and how you approach those choices, and how they help you grow."

"I have chosen to do some bad things, Alexa."

"And you've acknowledged that. You can't change the past, Damon. All you can do is make up for it. Which is what you do. And I can see that. Even if other people refuse to."

XXX

When Damon left to go make sure that Stefan hadn't eaten the cleaner, I cocooned myself in my duvet. I still felt like shit after yesterday. Panic attacks sucked. And I fucking hated the fact that I was prone to them. It made dealing with stressful situations a lot harder. It was even worse when my loved ones saw them. It made them worry and I hated to make them worry. There were a lot more important things for them to worrying over. I was nowhere near the top of that list.

Unfortunately, I wasn't to remain in my cocoon for long. I had just started to doze off again when my bedroom door opened. I knew that Elena was the only one at home. Jenna had texted me last night to say that she and Ric were staying with Meredith. It was so that the doctor could keep an eye on Ric's injuries. And Jenna knew that Damon would keep me safe during the night.

"Alexa, get up," my annoying sister demanded, tugging on the bottom of my blanket as she went to open my curtains. I kept my head under the duvet, determined to avoid the sunlight. And before you start judging me, it was because my eyes were sensitive. And I just wanted to go back to sleep.

"Leave me alone," I retorted, my voice muffled by the blanket. I held it tightly around my head, but there was nothing that I could do about the rest of the blanket. Which meant that I couldn't stop my evil twin from flipping the blanket over, revealing my legs to the cold air. I whined grumpily as the cold air invaded my cocoon, ruining my comfort. With a groan, I pushed the blanket away and sat up, glaring at Elena, "You're evil and I don't like you."

"Tough," my sister rolled her eyes, standing by my door with her hands on her hips. "Matt is meeting us here to go jogging with us. So get ready."

I scrunched up my nose at her before she left the room, and I shouted after her, "I don't go jogging with people!"

"You are today!" was my sister's response. I mumbled bad words about her as I slumped over to my dresser. With the mood that Elena was apparently in, I knew that I wouldn't get away with staying in bed. Not that I wanted to go jogging with her. I still hadn't forgiven my sister, despite her little adventure in hostaging yesterday. But I was able to tolerate her presence a little bit more. And I would have Matt with me to act as a buffer.

Once I was ready, I went downstairs to get a coffee, only to be pushed out of the front door instead. I gave my sister a filthy glare as she denied me the sweet nectar that was coffee. I swear, it was only Matt's arrival that stop me from killing her.

After greeting Matt, I stayed silent, just jogging behind them. I didn't like jogging with people. I couldn't listen to my music; I couldn't really go at my own pace. And I just preferred my own company when I jogged. Even if I hated what was in my head most of the time. And Elena knew that. So I didn't get why she was forcing me out with her and Matt.

Elena had set quite a fast pace as she led us around the neighbourhood. Matt tried to keep up with her, but I was content to just stay behind them, keeping my own pace. Elena had this annoying thing, where she tried to outrun her issues. So she set a ridiculous pace that she couldn't keep up for very long. And then she got grumpy when she had to slow down. All in all, it wasn't very fun to deal with when all one wanted was a quiet jog.

"What are we running, a marathon?" Matt called after my sister. He had dropped back a little bit, to check in on me. I quickly reassured him that I was alright. Of course, Matt called bullshit but he didn't try to press me for any further answers. Mattie was sweet like that. He was there for you when you needed him, but he didn't force you into anything that you didn't want to do.

Elena went for playful as she retorted, "If you can't keep up…"

"Elena, you can't outrun your problems," Matt sighed as he slowed down to a walk. I did the same, content to just walk for a while. The jogging hadn't done anything to help my headache. Not that I had told anyone about it. I hadn't even had time to down any aspirin. But it was alright. I could deal with a headache. I had suffered enough of them during the time of the sacrifice. When Ellie kept on jogging, Matt shook his head, "Though it looks like you're gonna try."

"I've been telling her that for ages," I shrugged, staring after my stubborn sister. "You're gonna need to find a way to distract her. Otherwise she'll just keep trying."

The cutie glanced at me and sighed, before raising his voice, "I talked to Bonnie!"

Well, that definitely worked. Elena immediately stopped jogging and turned to face us. She had a conflicted look on her face as she approached us. I knew why. Bonnie had refused to speak or see her, when she went to go see her last night at Caroline's. I didn't blame Bonnie in the slightest for that. If I was in her position, then I would be the same. I had message Bonnie, telling her that I loved her and that I was there if she needed me.

"What did she say?" Ellie asked quietly, looking up at Matt through her eyelashes.

The blue-eyed darling answered, "They're at her mom's house. Abby is gonna complete the transition."

"She decided to become a vampire?" Elena confirmed and I knew what she was thinking. Caroline's dad decided not to turn, because it went against his principles. Even though it meant that he would be abandoning his daughter. But Bonnie's mom, despite being a witch with a connection to nature, had decided to turn. To be with her kids.

"Yeah," Matt nodded, probably understanding our thoughts. "Caroline's gonna help her through it. teach her control and stuff."

Well, if anyone could do it, it was Caroline. She was enviously good at this sort of thing. She managed to conquer her hunger quickly, putting even older vampires to shame. And our blonde darling was just a kind person. She would be able to help Abby.

"Did Bonnie say…" my sister trailed off before taking a deep breath, "IS there anything that I can do?"

"She knows that it's not your fault, Elena, she's just upset," Matt's expression was full of sympathy as he spoke softly. He glanced over at me as he added, "She got your messages. She loves you too, and she'll reach out if she needs to."

I was glad that Bonnie didn't blame me. I knew that it was possible, since everyone was determined to save my sister. And I was so relieved that she didn't. Of course, I wasn't going to push her into talking to me. I was still Elena's twin; it was probably still hard for her to reach out. But at least she knew that I was there if she needed me.

Meanwhile, my twin was shaking her head bitterly, "Damon turned her mom into a vampire to save my life. It's absolutely my fault."

Elena shook her head, she ponytail swishing behind her, as she turned back around. I sighed and stretched out my legs again while my sister broke into another jog. Beside me, Matt just groaned, "You're gonna make me run more, aren't you?"

But before Elena could take more than a few steps, her cell phone rang in her pocket. She pulled it out of her hoodie and answered the call, "Sheriff Forbes, is everything okay?" Ellie was silent for a moment before gasping, "He what?"

XXX

Nothing was okay.

Ric had been arrested for the Council murders. Apparently, Meredith had found some evidence and had accused him. After she shot him and healed him with vampire blood. Which was even more fucked up. Jenna had apparently hit the roof and had to be restrained in Sheriff Forbes' office to stop her from going after the doctor.

All of my sympathy for Meredith had disappeared. Despite her being so lovely and kind, despite my desire for her to be innocent, she had shot Ric and accused him of multiple murders. I was so gonna throttle that bitch when I found her. I had trusted her. I had protested her innocence. I had protected her from accusations. And then she turned around and did this. It was infuriating and heart-breaking and I hated it.

Elena pushed her way into the police station, with me close behind her. Before we could head in the direction of the sheriff's office, a familiar face appeared at the end of the room. Damon closed the door to cellblock behind him before approaching us. The moment he came close, I stepped into his arms, needing the comfort that they brought.

"Were you just…?" Ellie started to ask before trailing off. Luckily, Damon knew what she was asking and nodded.

"Ric's fine, and Jenna can go home with you," he answered before shaking his head. "Sheriff wants me to stay out of it."

"But you're not going to, are you?" my sister frowned, crossing her arms. I mean, was it wise for him to go against the sheriff? Just cos Liz liked Damon, didn't mean that he should push his luck.

"Seems just as good a plan as any," Damon shrugged, confirming my thoughts. And that obviously didn't please my twin.

"Your friend's in jail for murder," Elena hissed, keeping her voice low as she glanced around the room, before returning her annoyed gaze back to my vampire. "You have to do something."

My vampire breathed in deeply, glancing up at the ceiling in mock thought, "Well, I guess I could rip out Dr False Accusation's throat. Maybe her tongue. You know, I could chew it up into little tiny pieces and feed it to the squirrels."

I couldn't stop myself from snorting in laughter as he mimed chewing, mimicking a squirrel. I could feel my sister giving us both dirty looks, so I pressed my face against Damon's chest in an attempt to keep my giggles quiet. Sometimes I loved how my boyfriend could make me laugh, no matter how shitty I was feeling. Even if it was something as basic as mimicking a squirrel.

"Stop it, Damon!" Elena snapped, and I was definitely glad that I was able to avoid her expression. Because I could tell that she was glaring at my vampire. "That is really inappropriate."

"It's only inappropriate cos Stefan used to eat squirrels," I mumbled. I was just lucky that only Damon heard my words because I knew that my sister would have killed me.

"Guess me staying out of it suddenly sounds like a good idea, doesn't it?" Damon raised an eyebrow and Elena scoffed. Sensing that I should probably intervene, even though all I wanted to do was just close my eyes and breath in his comforting scent, I turned to face my sister.

"Elena, just go and find Jenna," I sighed, knowing that the sound of our aunt's name would quickly distract my sister. "Bring her back down here, I'll meet you outside."

My twin didn't look happy at being ordered away, but her worry for our aunt overrode that. She gave Damon one last glare before turning on her heel and walking away. I watched her walk, the angry stride to her step, the worried tension in her shoulders. This was the last thing that we wanted to deal with after yesterday. Hell, after the past few days. It felt like everything was building up again. And I was struggling to cope. I thought that I was stronger than this, but apparently I wasn't.

A gentle hand tilted my head up and I glanced up to meet Damon's gaze. His eyes were warm and comforting, as he said, "Don't worry about Ric. I'll be sly while I help him."

"I just don't know what to do," I sighed, stepping back into my position against his chest. My vampire's hand came up to rest between my shoulders, a comforting presence. "How can we get Ric out of this? There are no other suspects and I don't know how strong Ric's alibi is."

"Hey, I'll get him out of this," Damon brushed my hair away for my face. "I've been around a long time, and I remember something similar happening way back when. I just need to track down some answers."

"Good luck with that," I mumbled against his chest. "Let me know if you need me to help."

"I'll be fine, I'll have Mr Grumpy Gus with me."

"Ugh, grumpy Stefan. That definitely won't be fun. I'll help from afar if you need me."

"You still mad at him then?"

I sighed, "I don't know what I feel towards him. Yeah, I'm uber pissed about what he did to my sister. But, like, I get it. He had no humanity, he was operating on revenge-mode. But it just… I don't know. I guess I'll decide how I feel when I see him again. Whenever that will be."

"Well, we'll be at the Grill. So if you want to avoid him for a bit longer, I suggest you steer clear."

"Don't need to worry about that. My plan was to get Jenna home and to ply her with wine until she falls asleep. I don't want her to worry more than she has, and I don't want her to stress about this. It was really shitty of Meredith to shoot Ric in front of her. Especially after the whole stabbing incident from a few days ago."

Damon was silent for a moment, before he slowly offered, "I really can feed her to the squirrels if you want me to."

And as bad as it sounded, I couldn't stop myself from giggling again.

XXX

It was safe to say that Jenna was furious. We got her out of the station, and I honestly think that we only managed that because Sheriff Forbes and Meredith were nowhere to be seen. Elena managed to get her as far as our car before Jenna spun around to glare at the building. I exchanged a look with my sister before I carefully placed a hand on our aunt's shoulder.

"Hey, Jenna, what happened?" I asked quietly, giving Jenna a small smile when she glanced over at me. "Sheriff Forbes was a bit light on the details when she called Elena."

"It was after I texted you," Jenna began to explain, a harsh edge to her voice but I could see the tears threatening to form. "I was sharing the bed with Meredith, while Ric took the sofa. Everything was fine. She showed no signs of what she was going to do. I was asleep until I heard the gunshot. It scared the life out of me. But it was nothing compared to what I saw. Seeing Ric on the ground again, blood leaking from his shoulder. It was horrible." Jenna swallowed hard and I moved so that I had an arm wrapped around her shoulder. "Meredith told me to give him some vampire blood while she made a call. I thought that she was calling an ambulance, but then Liz turned up on the doorstep. Meredith had phoned in an accusation. She never told me about it and when Liz arrived, she refused to look at me."

It was then that Jenna broke. Her face crumpled and tears streamed down her cheeks. I had never seen my aunt look like this. And I never wanted to see it again. It was heart-breaking. Jenna was so strong and amazing. She dealt with all this supernatural drama with ease, even as she dealt with real-life issues too. And knowing that her own friend had done this to her was horrible.

I quickly wrapped her up in a hug, squeezing her tight. Jenna reached up to grip onto my hoodie, her breaths coming out in small gasps.

"It's okay, Jenna, we'll get Ric out of this," I whispered into her ear. "Damon is working on it, and I'm sure that a crazy plan is already forming in Elena's head."

"I just don't know what I would do if I lose him," my aunt mumbled into my shoulder and I winced. "I love him and after everything, I can't lose that."

"You won't lose him, Jenna," Ellie spoke up, resting her hand on Jenna's shoulder. "This won't stick. There is no proof and the Sheriff can't arrest him if there is no proof."

"There aren't any fingerprints connecting him to this and you can vouch for him," I added, resting my cheek against her hair. "The only thing that is keeping him in jail is Meredith's word. As a Fell, she is a Founding Family member, which means that she holds a frustrating amount of power."

"I don't know what to do about that," Jenna sighed and I carefully shrugged. I could see my aunt's anger fading into misery. And I couldn't blame her. It was hard to maintain your anger. I normally only managed it because it was hiding my fear. And anger was easier to deal with than fear was. But when it came to misery, to the bone-numbing sadness, it was hard to fight that. Even if you had a reason to be angry.

"Damon offered to feed her to the squirrels, I say let's do it," I avoided my sister's face, since I knew just that she was giving me a disappointed expression. "Either that, or we beat her up until she takes back her accusation."

"We'll keep those as our backup options," Jenna smiled weakly as she stood back, glancing between us. I took that as a win. Jenna wasn't the only one feeling betrayed. But I focused on my need to look after my aunt. Otherwise I would be seriously tempted to make Meredith pay for the pain that she had caused my family. She was just as scummy as her cousin.

"I'll keep Damon on standby," I gave her hand a squeeze before glancing at my sister. "Don't suppose we can speak up for Ric, since we're Gilberts. I know that Liz told Damon to stay out of it, but I think that was because he is a vampire. We're from Founding families, let's use our influence too."

"I don't know if that will work," Elena sighed, shaking her head. "But I suppose it's worth a try."

"Anything is worth a try right now," I scrunched up my nose in annoyance towards the situation. "This officially sucks. To the point where I would actually prefer Klaus drama."

"Careful Alexa," Ellie rolled her eyes at me. "Because we might end up with that as well."

"Nah, he's too busy licking his wounds after finding out that mommy wanted to kill him," I shrugged, ignoring my sister's headshake. "He won't cause drama for a couple more days."

"Well, if he does, then I'll send you to go deal with him," Elena snarked and I just stuck my tongue out at her. We both knew that she wouldn't do that. Even if we were still officially in an argument.

Jenna glanced between us before sighing, "Are you two still fighting?"

"Yep," I nodded before Elena could. "But don't worry Aunt Jenna, we're gonna play nice until we get Ric out of prison. Then it's back to the cattiness."

I could see Elena giving me a dirty look, but she didn't contradict my words. Helping Ric was more important than our argument. We hadn't forgotten why we were fighting. But it was something that could be put on pause until we got Ric out of jail. Because he was more important. And so was Jenna. She deserved to be a priority too. And I would do anything for my aunt. Including making a temporary peace with my sister.

XXX

Jenna had somehow convinced us that going to see Meredith was a good idea. It obviously wasn't. For so many reasons. But apparently none of us were thinking rationally. As we were waiting by our car in the hospital carpark, waiting for the traitor to appear.

"Does anyone have a weapon on them, just in case she tries to shoot us too?" I whispered, unable to raise my voice any louder. I shivered in the cold air, even as my nervousness took hold.

"What about that stake that you carry everywhere?" Elena shot back, clearly annoyed that I did that. I didn't get why. It was a sensible thing to do in this town. But apparently my stubborn sister didn't think so.

"You're joking right?" I snorted, shaking my head as I tucked my hands under my armpits for warmth. "One council member has already been killed with a stake with my fingerprints on them. If I attack Meredith with a stake, even in self-defence, they'll be freeing Ric only to lock me up instead!"

Elena went to retort, probably with some snarky comment on how I shouldn't be carrying a stake around with me then. But she was stopped by Jenna's hand on her shoulder.

"Girls…" Jenna glanced between us, a stern look on her face. It wasn't one that we saw often, but I always hated it when we did. It was the little touch of disappoint in her voice, it made me feel slightly sick.

I winced and scuffed my foot along the ground, "Sorry Jenna."

My aunt nodded just as our target pulled into the carpark. It was just luck that she parked a couple of spaces over to us. The doctor got out of the car, rolling her eyes when she saw us approach her. To her credit, Meredith carried on walking.

We followed, keeping pace with the quick walking doctor, as she said, "I'm due in surgery. Whatever case you're gonna make against Alaric, make it quick."

"We don't have to make a case," Elena quickly shot back, clearly in an irritable mood. Not that I could blame her for once. This was a shitty situation and one that wasn't going to get better anytime soon. "He didn't do anything."

"How do you know?" Doctor Traitor shook her head, and she had the audacity to sound disappointed. "Sure, you live with him, he takes care of you, he's dating your aunt. But do you really know anything about him?"

"Of course I do, Meredith," Jenna snapped then, unable to keep quiet. "Do you think I would have let him move in with my kids without getting to know him? I know his past and I know what he is like."

"Do you, Jenna?" Meredith stopped walking then, turning to face her friend. Her eyes narrowed as she shook her head. "Did you know that he was arrested for fighting four times before the age of 21? When he was at Duke, his future wife, Isobel, filed a restraining order against him. Twice. Although, then she married him, so I guess that says more about her."

"Hey!" I snapped before I could stop myself. "Don't talk shit about her."

Huh, so apparently my dead birth mom was a sore point for me. Even though I didn't like the woman, I wasn't going to let anyone else bad mouth her. Maybe it was because John and Ric loved her. It wasn't because I loved her. I respected her relation to me, but I didn't love her.

And oh wow. I certainly didn't know any of that. And judging from the look on my twin's face, she didn't either. I knew that everyone had a past, I just didn't expect Ric's to be like that. Not that I was going to judge him for it. We all had things in our past that we weren't proud of. And it would be a tad hypocritical of me to freak out over Ric's past considering who my boyfriend was. I didn't judge Damon for his past, I definitely wouldn't do the same for Ric.

"Yeah, I knew all that Meredith," Jenna sighed out in frustration, her cheeks red in anger. "He told me all about it. We're in a committed relationship and that meant telling me about the things in his past that he is ashamed of." Jenna shook her head sharply. "If that is all of your so-called proof, then its incredibly weak. And you should be ashamed of accusing Ric for those murders. He didn't question my loyalty to you. So how dare you do this."

Before Meredith could say anything, and you could tell that she wanted to, my aunt turned and walked away. I exchanged a look with my twin before nodding, indicating that I would chase after Jenna while she finished up with Meredith.

But before I left, I gave the doctor one last look before spitting out, "Fuck you, Meredith. You're just like the other Fells. A snooty little asshole that no one likes."

Were my words cruel? Probably. Did I care? No. She had hurt Ric. She had hurt Jenna. I just wanted her to hurt a little bit in return. She deserved it for what she did.

With that said, I spun around and chased after Jenna. Behind me, I could hear my twin speaking sharply, but I tuned out her voice. My aunt was resting against the passenger driver's door, her head in her hands. She was shaking slightly, but whether that was from rage or from tears. I didn't know. But either way, I had to do something about it.

So I wrapped my arms around her, pulling my aunt close. She clung onto me, breathing deeply. I just rubbed her back and let her work her way through it. I knew that there wasn't much that I could say to make her feel better. All I could do was make her feel better by just being there.

And that was exactly what I was going to do.

XXX

I woke up in Ric's apartment.

I didn't know how I got there. I couldn't remember saying goodbye to Jenna. I couldn't remember anything dropping Elena off at home. And that fucking terrified me.

I dropped to my knees as I curled my fingers into my hair, not even caring that I was ruining my ponytail. I knew that I was a few seconds away from another panic attack. And there wasn't anything that I could do to stop this one.

The sun shone through the semi-closed blinds, leaving shadows on most of the floor, with the odd bit of light. I stared down at the stripy shadows as I gasped in and out. It wasn't enough, nowhere near enough. My chest grew tight as my heart thudded painfully.

If I wasn't already on my knees, I knew that I would have been soon. The edges of my vision grew black from the lack of air. But I just couldn't breathe. I couldn't get more air in. All I could think about was the fact that the blackouts were getting worse. A glance at the clock told me that it had been at least two hours since I was last aware of myself.

Two hours.

God knows what I could have been doing during that time. Who I could have hurt. Shit, fuck, maybe I was the killer. Ric was innocent, that much I knew for sure. But maybe I was the guilty one. I should be the one in that cell, not Ric. I was too much of a coward, I hadn't told anyone about my blackouts except for Damon. And I didn't know how many people had gotten hurt because of that.

I hunched over, giving up on trying to regulate my breathing. With no one around, there was no way that I was stopping this panic attack. And I didn't know if I was able to. My mind was spinning, tormenting me with thoughts of the people who had died. There was no logic in my mind, not right now.

A whimper escaped my lips as I saw tears drip to the floor. It had been so long since I had had a panic attack this bad. And I had forgotten how much they hurt. How my heart clenched in my chest, how my stomach burned with nausea, how my tight chest hurt. It was horrible. And I deserved it.

I deserved it for not telling my family about my blackouts. For being a coward. If I was braver, then I could have saved Ric from this. If I was braver last night, then I would have stayed with Jenna and Ric. And Meredith wouldn't have had the opportunity to shoot and accuse him. If I was stronger, then I would have been able to deal with Kol's body without Ric getting involved. And then he would have been at home and not at Meredith's.

It felt like it was all my fault. And my body clearly agreed. As I shivered despite the hot feeling to my skin. I could feel myself sweating horribly, even in the cold air of the unused apartment. I itched to call Damon. To ask him to come get me, to give me the sympathy and comfort that I didn't deserve. But I didn't know where my phone was. I didn't know where anything was. Where my purse was, where my keys were. The only thing that I still had on me was the stake tucked into my jacket.

I suddenly hated that stake and I dug it out of my pocket with shaking hands. The sharp tip of the stake scratched at my palm, leaving a thin red line, but I didn't care. I just threw it across the room, wishing that I had a fire to burn it in. I wanted it gone. So far gone. And I never wanted to see it again.

I didn't know how long it took for me to get my breathing under control again. But it felt like forever. My body trembled as I sat up, unclenching my fists as I did so. I ignored the painful grooves in my palms as I looked around the room. In the dim sunlight that managed to peek through the blinds, it looked so cold and unfriendly. I had never had issues being here before. But there was just something that felt off about the apartment now. And I just wanted to go home.

I somehow manage to get myself to my feet. Even though my legs shook beneath me, and I felt so weak, like I had just ran a fucking marathon. My head felt slightly dizzy, but I pushed past it. I needed to get home, where I would feel safe. Where I could probably fall apart again. Because I knew that it wasn't over. Not yet.

And I hoped that if I was at home, then I would have someone to look after me. Even if it was Elena. I was willing to put aside our argument, even temporarily forgive her, if it meant that she would look after me. It was either that, or I would call Damon. But I didn't want that. He needed to help Ric. But I wanted him to help me too. I suppose I just didn't want to be alone. Being alone scared me now. I didn't know what would happen. If I would have another blackout.

It just… it all fucking sucked. And I hated it. And I was so scared because of it. I couldn't hide it anymore. I was scared. Properly scared. And I didn't know what I could do to fix it. I didn't know if this was happening because I was sick. Or if it was magical. Or if it was the result of some strong compulsion. There were so many reasons, and each felt worse than the other.

I took a deep breath, despite the tightness that lingered in my chest. I had to get out of here. I had to take things one step at a time. It was probably the only way that I would get through this. So, step one, get out of the building. I could worry about step 2 once I was back in the sunlight.

XXX

In my rush to get outside, I had forgotten to consider just how shitty I looked. My hair was in a mess, with half of my hair coming out of my ponytail. I was all sweaty from my panic attack and I still trembled every now and then. So it wasn't any surprise that I managed to catch someone's attention.

Once I had made it outside, I rested against the building behind me. The brick scratched at the bare skin of my neck. Because apparently, during my blackout, I had managed to lose my hoodie. I prayed that everything was just somewhere safe. That they weren't actually lost. Because that would just be the cherry on top of everything.

I closed my eyes as my breath came out in a rasp, and I rubbed my sore chest. I officially felt like shit. And it was only going to get worse.

"Well, I certainly wasn't expecting to see you anytime soon."

I opened my eyes, keeping my gaze narrowed. Klaus stood a few steps in front of me, his arms crossed. Despite the smirk on his face, I could see a dark look in his eyes. But I was too wiped out to be scared. I felt scarily numb. And that was not a good thing when confronted with the Original Hybrid.

"If it's any consolation, I wasn't expecting to see you either," I wheezed, pressing myself further against the wall as I felt my legs shake again. "But life is fucking shit so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that you're here."

Klaus narrowed his eyes at me before pausing. I didn't know what it was that really caught his eye. He glanced me up and down, taking note of my shiny skin, my messy hair, my weak body. I hated to show any weakness to Klaus. But there was just nothing that I could do right now.

"You don't look so good, love," the hybrid said, clearly changing his mind and discarding whatever it was that he was going to spit out.

I snorted weakly, "You know how to make a girl feel special, Klaus."

Klaus leant against the wall next to me, and I didn't have the energy to move further away from him. So I just stood next to him, feeling his arm brush against mine. It felt weird, being this close to him without one of us threatening the other. It felt like at the ball the other day. And it still felt weird now.

We stood in silence for a while, and I finally managed to properly settle my breathing. For now, anyway. I still felt that faint hint of panic in the back of my mind. And I knew that it wouldn't take much to push me over the edge. But I was in control for now. And that meant that I would be able to deal with the hybrid who had decided to bother me.

"What do you want, Klaus?" I sighed, glancing up at him. I was surprised to see that he was already staring at me. His blue eyes were intense, and I found that I couldn't look into them for long.

"Maybe I just want to help you," the Original shrugged. My mind was too foggy to try and work out if he had ulterior motives. Because there had to be some. But I just didn't know what they could be.

I just snorted softly, "Right now, I think I'm a bit beyond help."

"I'm sure that isn't true," it was weird, hearing Klaus sound so genuine. And I knew that, when I was in the position to look back at it, I would find it even weirder and probably suspicious.

"Unfortunately it is," I glanced down at the path below me, and wondered if it was clean enough for me to sit on it for a while. "Unless, of course, you have a giant library full of magic books that would help me work out what the fuck is wrong with my head."

The Original was silent for a moment before speaking, "If I do happen to have one of those, would you be willing to play nice for the afternoon?"

I couldn't stop myself from snorting, "You're the one who is incapable of playing nice." As Klaus went to push away from the wall, I grabbed his arm, my head feeling fuzzy at the quick movement, "No, wait, please. That was bitchy of me. If you can help me, I would really appreciate it."

Klaus looked down at me, his eyes scanning my face before he nodded, "Well, sweetheart, it would be my pleasure."

I smiled weakly as I gingerly pushed myself away from the wall. I had to close my eyes as I felt a wave of dizziness wash over me and it was only then that I became aware of the fact that I was still holding onto the hybrids arm.

I cleared my throat and moved my arm, glancing around, "Why are you being nice to me? After yesterday, I would have expected you to rip my throat out instead of helping me.

"Well, it was a tempting thought. But not even I'm cruel enough to torment someone who looks like you do now."

I rolled my eyes, "Geez, kick a girl when she's down, why don't you?" Klaus smirked at me before holding out his arms. I eyed them distastefully before glancing around. "I don't suppose you have a car that we could use instead?"

"Afraid not, love, so if you want to use my library, then you'll have travel my way," it felt like this was some kind of test. And I really wasn't too impressed with that. But now that I had a plan in mind, I had to go through with it. I needed to find out if my blackouts were magical in nature. And Klaus was apparently one way that I could do that. Normally, I would have considered speaking to Bonnie. But after what happened to her mom, I wasn't going to bother her. She needed time to work through that. And I would give it to her.

So, since I had no other choice, I sighed and stepped forward. Klaus wrapped one arm around my shoulders while the other scooped up my legs. I closed my eyes, covering my face with my hands, when I felt him start to speed away. My stomach rolled and I had to remind my body that throwing up while being sped around was not a good idea. Like at all.

When Klaus put me down, he kindly kept an arm around my shoulders while I found my balance again. I also ruthlessly pushed down the sick feeling in my stomach. It was still there, but I didn't feel in danger of puking my guts up again.

I could feel the hybrid's eyes on me as I straightened up, glancing up at the huge building in front of me, and muttered, "Let's get this done."

XXX

Klaus wasn't wrong when he inferred that he had a giant library. It was right at the back of the mansion and covered two floors. It felt like one of those libraries that you would see on TV, like where secret societies would gather. Spiral staircases joined together the two floors, made out of cast iron. They complimented the mahogany wood that the bookcases were made out of. The walls were painted a deep, emerald green, with the lower half covered in the same mahogany wood. It was elegant and spacious, and very Klaus.

I couldn't stop myself from letting out an impressed little "oh" at the sight of it. I never expected to see something like this. And from the way that fire crackled merrily to the portraits that covered the wall, created in Klaus' distinct style, I could tell that this room was one where a lot of time was spent.

I cleared my throat and glanced over at the hybrid. He was leaning against the doorframe, watching me with intense eyes. I couldn't stand the silence that had fallen, and so I didn't really think through my next words, "So is this the part where you ask to be my friend again? Like yesterday never happened?"

"Well, if you were my friend, I would hope that you would think twice about taking out my siblings," there was a hint of threat to the jovial tone.

But I just sighed, "Look, if it means saving my twin, then I would make the same choice. And we both know that you love your family enough to do the same. But… I would consider other options if I had the time."

"I can accept that," Klaus nodded, pushing himself away from the door. "For now."

"Oh goodie," I muttered, following him through the library. The Original led me to a small breakout area, comprised of leather sofas. They were strategically placed around the fireplace, a small table in front of them. There were a couple of books on the table, but before I could get a look at their titles, the hybrid whisked them away.

I glanced around the numerous bookshelves and sighed. This would take a lot longer than I expected. Well, to be fair, I hadn't exactly thought it all the way through. I didn't know what book I was looking for, or even what information I was looking for. I would literally be flicking through pages looking for anything related to blackouts. And that would take ages.

"So what books are you looking for?" Klaus asked when he reappeared. I paused as I wondered how best to word it. Even though I needed his help, I was reluctant to reveal too much information. So far, Damon was the only one who knew what was happening to me. And the next people should really be my family. But I had to explain enough that Klaus could help me. Ugh, this was such a mess. And it was a mess of my own making.

"Anything that covers blackouts caused by magic," I eventually answered, choosing my words carefully. "Or are related to magic. But the main thing is the blackouts, I guess."

I had carefully kept my gaze away from the hybrid as I spoke, glancing around the walls instead. But when I felt his eyes on me, I couldn't stop myself from glancing over. His eyes were watching me, the blue going dark in the shadows of the room.

"You've been suffering from blackouts?" he asked, his voice quiet compared to the crackling of the fire.

I cleared my throat and shrugged, "Maybe." At the look he gave me, I winced, "Yeah, I have been. For just over a month. It doesn't happen often, well, that I know of. But I know that it is definitely happening."

Klaus nodded slowly, before disappearing from my view. I assumed that he had gone to find me the books that I needed. I didn't know what else he would be doing. Unless he assumed that I wasn't worth being friends with, since I was damaged goods. No, I couldn't think like that. Until I knew what was wrong with me, I couldn't think like that. It might not be my fault. God, I hoped that it wasn't my fault.

While I waited for the hybrid to appear again, I slumped down on the sofa closest to me. Resting my head in my hands, I sighed and closed my eyes. My body felt heavy, and I knew that if I got too comfortable, then I would fall asleep. Which was not a smart thing to do in the Originals den. But my panic attack earlier had wiped me out.

I lifted my head up again when there was a soft thud in front of me. Klaus had placed a stack of books in front of me, a thoughtful look on his face.

"These should help," he spoke, his eyes glancing down. I didn't know what he was looking at, but there was an interested gleam in his eyes when he looked back at me. "But I suspect that the answer will come to you sooner than you think."

"Do you know what is causing them then?" I frowned, shifting forward to look at the books. They looked old, kind of like the grimoire's that Bonnie had inherited. In fact, I think some of them were grimoires. Which shouldn't surprise me. Klaus was the type to hoard knowledge. It would make sense for him to have grimoires.

"I have an idea, but I don't want to panic you when there is no need," the look on the hybrid's face wasn't as comforting as he probably thought it was. In fact, it was the opposite. If Klaus did know what was wrong with me, it was bad enough that he didn't want me to find out without proof. Although, a small part of me, the part that wasn't bitter and jaded, appreciated the fact that he didn't want me to panic.

"Oh joy," I shook my head, immediately regretting it when my previously dormant headache throbbed, and started flicking through the books in front of me.

XXX

I couldn't find what I was looking for. No matter how many books I read, I couldn't find the answers that I so desperately needed. The only mentions of blackouts that I could find were related to exposure to malevolent spirits. Which wasn't possible because we hadn't had any ghost issues for a while.

I groaned and flicked the final book closed. Hunching over, I pressed my head against my knees, threading my fingers through my hair. I tugged harshly on the strands, causing more hair to fall out of my ponytail. Not that it mattered, it was practically gone at this point anyway.

I could feel the panic that lingered from my earlier panic attack rearing its ugly head. I had hoped so desperately that I would find out what was wrong with me. But I had found nothing. I still didn't know if I was genuinely sick. Or if it was magical in nature. And that was killing me. I needed to know what was happening.

I wasn't even aware that my chest was growing tight, that it was getting harder to breath again, until a voice asked, "You alright there, love?"

I kept silent, shaking my head in answer. I didn't quite trust my voice to answer and I didn't want to show any more weakness than I already had. Klaus had surprised me today, with that way that he was being kinder than I had ever seen from him. But that didn't mean that I wanted to be weak in front of him.

I could feel myself breaking and I knew that I needed to get out of here. I couldn't break down here, I couldn't have a panic attack here. Not in front of Klaus. Ideally, not in front of anyone. Well, Damon would be the only one. And as soon as I got out of here, I would find a phone and call him. I just needed the comfort of his touch, the gentle way that he showed his concern.

"I need to leave," I wheezed, somehow forcing myself to my feet. "Thanks for your help. It was useful. I just… I need to leave now."

I stumbled forward, somehow keeping my legs moving despite the weakness in them. It felt that they would collapse beneath me, and I couldn't let that happen yet. I just needed them to get me out of here. But my legs were clearly not listening to my brain.

They went barely a foot away from the door. I collapsed with a wheeze, now painfully aware of the tightness in my chest. I pressed my hand against my heart as I fought to regulate my breathing. But I had been through too much today. After my panic attack earlier, I just didn't have the energy to fight this one.

I wasn't aware of the tears streaming from my eyes until a gentle hand was tilting my head up. Klaus stared down at me from where he was crouched down in front of me. The blue of his eyes were still dark from the dim lighting in the room, but I could see concern in them. Made sense I suppose, he still needed me to help carry on the bloodline. But it was still weird to see. I had never expected Klaus to look down at me in concern.

"Alexa," he spoke my name gently, wiping away from tears with his sleeves.

But before he could say anything else, I gasped out, "I'm so scared." I didn't mean to say it. And I didn't plan on saying anything else, but the panic had taken hold. "I don't know what's happening to me. And it's scaring me so much. I don't know if I've hurt people. I don't know if I've killed people. There have been deaths and they found my fingerprints on one of the murder weapons and I just don't know if it possible. Oh god, it hurts."

I dug my knuckles into my chest in an attempt to distract myself from the pounding of my heart. It hurt. And so did the tightness in my chest. It was worse than earlier. My body was already feeling weak. But now it was even worse. My stomach rolled and my body trembled and my skin felt hot. And all of this was happening in front of Klaus.

Who was still crouching down in front of me. He was resting a hand on the top of my head and just watched. I didn't know if that was worse than him trying to help me. But I just wanted his eyes off of me. So I wiped away my tears, ignoring the fact that my shaking hands nearly caused me to punch myself in the face. And I tried to sound strong.

But, like most things that I did, I failed in that. When I next spoke, my voice was weak and raspy, choked up with tears and the tightness that lingered in my chest, "I want to go home."

Klaus nodded and moved to grip my wrists, "I'll take you home."

He gently helped me to my feet, steadying me when my body wobbled. It was only his strong grip that stopped me from falling back down. I wanted to ask why he was being so kind to me. Whether it was because I looked so pathetic. Or whether he did genuinely want to be my friend. But either way, in that moment in time, I appreciated it.

The Original wrapped an arm around my shoulders, like he did earlier, and picked me up. My head slumped against his shoulder as he carried me out of the building. I knew that I was in danger of falling asleep, and I did everything that I could to avoid that happening.

So I mumbled, "Don't tell anyone about this. You'll ruin my tough guy rep."

"Your secret is safe with me, Ms Gilbert," the hybrid said quietly, as I shivered in the cool night air. He took off, using his superspeed and I closed my eyes tightly. Like before, I was close to throwing up. But this time, it was legitimate concern.

XXX

Klaus dropped me off home and I used the spare key to let me in. Walking was hard. And the fact that I managed to get myself into the kitchen was a miracle. I slumped down into one of the dining room chairs and rested my cheek against the cool wood.

Today felt like a total mindfuck. I had had two panic attacks. Klaus had been kind to me. Klaus had tried to help me. Klaus hadn't threatened me. I almost didn't believe that it had happened. But the lingering pain reminded me that it had.

I didn't know how long I had been sitting there before Elena and Matt came home. My eyes were closed when the door opened and closed. The lights were turned on and I groaned at the sudden light. Sitting in the dark just felt better.

A couple of seconds later, a gentle hand rested on my back. I felt someone sit down next to me and forced my eyes open. Ellie sat next to me, a worried look on her face as she asked, "Alexa, are you okay?"

"No," I grumbled, closing my eyes again. I felt more than saw her exchange a look with Matt. "Today sucks and I hate everything."

"It's nearly over," my sister sighed, rubbing my back while I heard Matt filling the kettle. It was one of the sweet things about Matthew. He always made tea for people when they had a bad day. "Ric will be released from jail soon."

I frowned and reluctantly sat up. My twin had a guilty look on her face and I groaned, "What did you do?"

"We, uh, may have broken into Meredith's apartment to see if she was hiding anything," Elena stuttered out, glancing away from my face. "And she may have caught us. But Sheriff Forbes told us that evidence had been found to prove that Ric didn't kill anyone."

"Well, that's something I suppose," I frowned, speaking slowly before sighing. "You take stupid risks sometimes, Ellie. What if Meredith decided to shoot you too?"

"Then we would have stopped her," my sister did look sympathetic to my worries, which was more than she was doing before. "We were fine, Alexa. And we're home and safe and uninjured."

I grumbled but accepted her point, "Fine. Did I miss anything else?"

I still hadn't told her what I had been up to. And I was determined not to. I didn't need my sister worrying over me. Not yet. Not until Ric was home and safe. Then, maybe, I would consider letting her fret over me.

"We found Stefan feeding on someone," Elena's voice was tight, from disapproval and shock and sadness. "Damon and Rebekah were encouraging him."

"Shit," I pinched my nose and hunched back over. "Was the girl okay?"

"They said that she was, but… I can't believe that he would feed on people again, after everything that we've been through."

I sighed and reached out to take Ellie's hand, "Look, Stefan needs to learn moderation. He was doing it before, right? He was having a bit of your blood every day to learn how to control those urges. Damon was doing the same today, in his own way. He was helping Stefan."

"I just wish that it could go back to how it was," my sister whispered and I quirked my lips sympathetically.

"Ellie, that wasn't a good thing. Stefan was on the verge of eating people like, all the time. The animal diet wasn't good for him. At least this way, he will be safe to be around," I paused before adding. "Well, safe for a vampire."

My sister stared at me with considering eyes as Matt walked over, mugs in hand. He passed over our drinks and I breathed in the scent of camomile. Clearly darling Matthew had seen show shit I looked and assumed that I needed something calming. The boy was right and I did appreciate it.

Elena glanced over at him before sighing, "Just say it."

Matt didn't need any more prompting, "I just don't get it. Your thing with them."

"I know it doesn't make sense," Ellie nodded, glancing down into her tea. "But, at the beginning, after our parents died, there was something about being with Stefan that just felt safe."

"Safe?" Matt looked incredulous and I couldn't blame him. "Elena, he's a vampire."

"I know," my sister sighed, resting her hand on my shaking knee. "Believe me, just saying it out loud, it sounds crazy, but it's like I knew that he would never stop loving me. Like he would never…"

"What?" our friend prompted softly when my twin trailed off, a look of realisation on her face. I knew what she was going to say before she said it. And it was something that had crossed my mind on occasion.

"Die," Ellie answered softly, glancing over at me. "Like he would never die."

Matt had a look of realisation on his face as he nodded sympathetically, "Like your parents did." He glanced over at me, "What about Damon?"

I sighed as I tried to put my feelings into a coherent sentence, "Damon… makes me feel strong. He makes me feel important. And… his strength… he makes me feel like everything will be okay. Like I won't lose anyone else. He snuck into my heart and I found that I never wanted to kick him out."

"Once you fall in love with someone, I don't know if… I don't know if you ever can," Matt eyes were on my sister again. And I just knew what he was thinking. It wasn't that long ago, really, that he was in love with her. So much had changed since then. But I don't think he would ever really get over my sister.

"I'm sorry," Ellie winced, clearly thinking the same. "This… this is weird. Talking about it with you."

But Matt, dear sweet Matt, just smiled softly and shook his head, "No, really. I'm your friend, I want you to be able to do that." He cleared his throat and reached into his pocket, "I got you something."

"The journal?" Elena gasped as he passed over an old looking book. The binding reminded me of crazy Johnathan Gilbert's journal. And it occurred to me that maybe our entire family had been keeping journals. My thoughts were confirmed when Matt nodded.

"It's your family's, you should have it," he looked pleased at the happiness in Elena's eyes before shrugging. "Meredith and that idiot deputy were too busy questioning you to give a damn about me. Sometimes it pays to be the only normal one in a town of vampires. I'm practically invisible."

Elena looked at Matt but before she could say anything, the front door opened. We all glanced over to see Ric and Jenna entering. Both of them looked exhausted, but I didn't care. I was just relieved to see both of them.

I pushed myself out of my seat and walked over to them on shaky legs. I could feel my sister behind me but I didn't care. I just walked forward and wrapped my guardians up in a hug. Ric rested his hand on my shoulder as Ellie asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he nodded while Jenna adjusted me so that I was settled between them. "Yeah, I'm alright."

The next thing I knew, Elena was joining us in the hug. And for the first time since I woke up, I felt my body relaxing.

XXX

After Matt left, Ric disappeared upstairs to put some clean clothes on and take a shower. I couldn't blame him. He probably still had his blood covering his arm after Doctor Traitor shot him. While he did that, Jenna and Elena ushered me over to the sofa. During the hug, when I was relaxed and comfortable, it became harder to hide the shaking in my body. And my family had noticed.

They got me settled in the corner of the sofa, a blanket covering my legs while Elena sat in front of me. Jenna perched on the coffee table and looked over at me.

"Would you believe me if I said that I was just really drunk and can't walk straight?" I smiled weakly, acutely aware of the slight rasp to my voice.

"Considering I have a feeling as to what happened, I actually wish that you were drunk," Ellie sighed, reaching out to brush my hair from my face. It was no longer pretending to be in a ponytail, and instead hung around my face in a tangled mess. "What happened?"

"Uh, a lot of stuff caught up with me at the same time," I clenched my fists, hiding them under the blanket. "And I kind of struggled a little bit."

"Alexa, you should have called me," Jenna grabbed my hand, probably guessing what I was doing, and unclenched my fist, holding it in her hand.

"I couldn't remember where I left my phone," I winced, silently hoping that one of them would tell me where I had left them.

Elena and Jenna exchanged a glance before Ellie spoke softly, "Lexa, they're on the kitchen island. You left them there when you told Jenna that you were gonna come home with me."

"Oh," I whispered. I didn't remember that. I remembered dropping Elena off home. I didn't remember telling Jenna that I was going to go with my sister. Not even the good news that I had lost my stuff could stop the spike of panic that I felt. "My bad."

Jenna sighed, a worried look in her eyes, "Let me go get your brush, Lexa, your hair is a mess."

I was barely aware of the fact that I nodded before our aunt left the room. I stared at the fireplace, looking at nothing. Gentle fingers gripped my chin and I was encouraged to meet my sister's eyes. Ellie examined me before sighing. She carefully moved me so that she was sitting in the corner instead, with me resting against her.

I didn't care about the fact that we were technically in a fight. I just wanted the comfort that my sister could bring. I curled into her, letting her warmth sooth my cold body. Her hand stroked up and down my back, rubbing gentle circles. It was enough to encourage me to stay relaxed.

"Ellie," I mumbled into her jumper. "I'm sorry for being mad at you."

"No, Lexa, it's fine," my twin gently countered. "It was deserved. And I'm sorry for putting you in that position."

I couldn't stop myself from tearing up as I whispered, "Ellie, I'm scared."

"What are you scared about, Lexa?" my sister's voice was so soft and gentle, that it caused the tears to fall.

"I keep losing time," I closed my eyes and sniffed, not wanting to see the look in her eyes. "I don't know what happens during that time. And I don't know why it keeps happening. And it just scares me so much."

"Hey, Lexa, breathe," she gripped my hand, holding it tight as she encouraged me to look up at her. "We'll sort this, okay? We'll work out why this is happening. You aren't alone in this."

"Promise?" I hated the vulnerable tone to my voice. I hated it so much. But I just couldn't stop it.

"I promise," Ellie pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I didn't want it to be real," I mumbled as I heard Jenna walk back down the stairs. "And I didn't want to worry you."

I felt Jenna sit down behind me. Her and Elena exchanged a glance before our aunt carefully eased me up. I didn't really care that they were treating me like a kid. I had been through so much today that I just wanted someone to look after me. My panic attacks had wiped me out. And while I wouldn't explicitly state that they had happened, I would let them look after since they probably assumed that I had suffered from them.

Jenna carefully started to brush my hair while Ellie helped me sit up straight. She held my hands before explaining in more detail what her and Matt had seen in Meredith's apartment. Behind me, I could hear Jenna muttering disapproval of my sister's little adventure.

"So you think Meredith could be the killer?" I mumbled once my twin had finished speaking. Jenna had carefully eased out all of the knots and was now tying it up into loose braids.

"I think we should definitely consider that possibility," she sighed, glancing over at Jenna. Our aunt was no longer supportive of her childhood friend. "The fact that she had a copy of that letter was weird. And the files that we found," Elena shrugged and shook her head, "It just feels really weird."

"I say we set Damon on her," I was carefully eased back against my sister once our aunt was done. "He's good at getting answers from people."

"I don't really want to see Damon right now," Elena scrunched up her nose and I poked her belly, glancing up at her through blurry eyes.

"You're just bitter cos he's teaching Stefan moderation and you aren't," I muttered and Ellie shook her head.

"No, I'm not," she argued softly. "Although I do worry about his methods."

"You should trust him," I had to pause to hide a yawn. "He knows what he's doing. And he won't let anything bad happen to Stefan. It's his brother."

I could feel my sister's gaze on me as I closed my eyes and snuggled into her side. But she didn't push her point. Instead, she pulled the blanket up over my shoulders and opened the journal. She kept one hand on my arm, silently letting me know that she was still there if I needed her, before she started reading. I knew that Elena would tell me if she found anything interesting in the journal.

XXX

I dozed off while resting against my sister. She continued to read the old journal that Matt had stolen for her while Jenna bustled around the kitchen. They both made sure to keep the noise down, and I did appreciate it. While I was exhausted, I knew that my mind was still in a bit of panic mode. So even the slightest noise could disturb me.

I heard Ric walk down the stairs. And Jenna immediately walked over to him. I didn't know what they were doing but I did hear Ellie laugh softly, "You're lucky that Alexa is asleep. Otherwise she would be chunky monkey jokes right now."

"I almost wish that she was," Jenna sighed as the two adults walked over. "At least then, I would know that she was alright."

"Is she alright?" Ric asked and I felt their gazes on me. But I was settled enough in my doze that it didn't disturb me too much. The worry in his voice warmed my heart. It was quite crazy, how quickly Ric had become like family to us. But he was more like a dad than John was. And I knew that he cared for us just as much as we cared for him.

"She's had at least one panic attack today," Elena was the one who replied, brushing away a few strands of hair away from my face, tucking them behind my ear. "But she won't say what caused it or what she did for the rest of the day."

"Does Damon know?" Ric frowned and I felt Ellie shake her head. She was careful in her movements, making sure that she didn't jolt me. It was like she knew that I wasn't as deeply asleep as I normally was. And so it wouldn't take much to disturb me. Elena wouldn't want to disturb me. After my confession to her earlier, she had been determined that I get some rest. I think it unnerved her. The fact that I had been suffering blackouts, and she hadn't noticed, would definitely have gotten to her. To be honest, the fact that I had kept them hidden from everyone was some kind of miracle.

"No, Alexa hasn't had her phone on her all day, and I'm not in the mood to talk to him," my sister grumbled slightly. "But I might message him later. Just so that we have a couple of people who can keep an ear out for nightmares."

"Do you think that she will have them?"

It was Jenna who answered this time, "She normally does after a panic attack. Even if she won't admit it."

While Jenna grumbled about my stubbornness, Ric shook his head, "She's as stubborn as you two are." He ignored the dirty look from my aunt to ask, "I was gonna make some coffee. Do either of you want some?"

"I'm good," Ellie replied with a small smile. "I was thinking of heading to bed in a few. I might get you to carry Alexa up to bed, I don't know if I want to wake her."

The hunter nodded before sighing, "Elena, listen, I know that Jenna has probably had this conversation with you. But, uh, the sheriff told us everything that you did today. And while I appreciate it, I don't want you getting into trouble because of me. Okay?"

"Ric, you're like family," my sister raised an eyebrow. "If not for you, then for who?"

"Well, still, I'm the one who's supposed to look after all of you, even if I suck at it," Ric's sigh had my heart clenching.

"Hey, you don't suck at it," Jenna told her boyfriend, reaching out to cup his face. "We're alive and we're healthy. You do a better job than you think."

Ric didn't look convinced and my sister offered, "Okay, well, how about we just agree to all take care of each other then?"

"Deal," Ric accepted gratefully. "What are you reading there?"

"Old family journal," Ellie sighed, gently closing the book and resting it on her lap.

"Any juicy family secrets?" Ric asked teasingly and Elena shook her head.

"It's hard to tell," she answered. "I mean, at first, I thought that it was Johnathan Gilbert's journal. But it ended up being his granddaughter's, who apparently went just as crazy as he did. So, great genes, huh?"

"Well, at least you have something to look forward to," the hunter laughed softly and my sister rolled her eyes.

"Oh yay," she shook her head before glancing down at me. I could tell that she wanted to go upstairs to bed, but I was resting all of my weight against her. It was possible for her to get up without waking me up, but I could tell that she didn't know whether she should take the risk. I knew that she would stay downstairs with me if she could. But it wasn't comfortable sleeping on the sofa, especially if you had someone sprawled all over you. Her other option was to wake me up so that I could walk upstairs. But I could tell that she didn't want to do that. She would want me to sleep and get as much rest as possible. She knew how much panic attacks wiped me out. And with the issues that I had with sleeping, it was quite possible that I would struggle to turn my mind off again, even if I was exhausted.

"Let her sleep," Jenna said softly as Ric walked around the sofa. "We'll take her up when we go to bed."

Ellie nodded while Ric helped move me enough for her to slip out. I couldn't stop myself from grumbling sleepily as I lost my sister's warmth. But she quickly shushed me as I was settled back down onto the sofa.

My twin crouched down next to me and adjusted the blanket so that it was covering me again. Her soft fingers gently stroked my chin before she whispered a "good night." Elena did the same for our guardians before heading upstairs, journal in hand.

XXX

It was the doorbell that woke me up. I grumbled and sat up, resting against the back of the sofa. I glared at the door through blurry eyes as Jenna went to go answer it. I saw her glance over at me and sigh. She obviously wasn't happy that someone had woken me up.

She opened the door only to snap, "What do you want?"

"Look, I know what this looks like," I narrowed my eyes as I heard Meredith's voice. My sleep-addled brain decided that it would be a good idea to get up. So I did so. My legs wobbled beneath me but it didn't stop me from staggering over to the front door. I glared at Meredith over Jenna's shoulder as I felt someone walk up behind me.

Ric rested a hand on my shoulder as he shook his head, "Yeah, well, I sure as hell don't. You shoot me, you traumatise Jenna, you have me thrown in jail, and then you have me freed?"

"I did it for you, Ric," the doctor protested, glancing between all of us. "I forged the coroner's note to clear your name."

Despite the genuine pleading to her voice, Ric scoffed, "Oh, you know what, people are right. You are psycho."

He gestured for Jenna to close the door. But before she could, Doctor Traitor stopped her, "No! Now that you've been cleared, they'll look somewhere else, they won't look your way again. Please! You have no reason, but I need you to trust me anyway. If you let me in, I can explain."

Meredith pulled some files out of her bag. I caught a glimpse of the names on them and realised that they were the ones that Elena and Matt had found earlier.

Ric sighed and looked over at Jenna, "It's your call."

My aunt examined her friend, a hard look on her face before she finally stepped to the side, "I'm only doing this because I have known you for so long. But don't betray my trust again, Meredith."

"I won't, Jenna," the doctor promised softly, a determined look on her face. "You won't regret this."

Jenna didn't look convinced, but she gestured for her to enter the house. Ric led Meredith over to the dining table, where she spread out the folders. She explained her thinking, telling us why she had deliberately set a trail that would now lead away from Ric. As she did so, she plucked photos from the files, passing them over to Ric and Jenna.

I sat down on the sofa, resting my arms on the back of it before resting my chin on them. I wanted to listen but I didn't want to be involved. Apparently, that pleased Jenna as she didn't want me involved either. But she also wanted me to be somewhere where she could keep an eye on me. So this was a decent compromise.

Ric was holding a holder full of crime scene evidence, including various murder weapons. He looked dubious as Meredith said, "Like the sheriff said, the victims were killed with your weapons."

"Yeah, but I was attacked," Ric frowned, placing the folder to the side.

"With your own knife," the doctor immediately countered. "A wound that could have been self-inflicted. You didn't even hurt Jenna. She was only knocked out."

"It's impossible!" Ric protested, shaking his head and stepping away from the table. "I would know if I were killing people."

"Would you?" Meredith's voice softened slightly as she asked, "Have you had any blackouts, instances of lost time?"

Ric's hesitance before he asked, the momentary flash of panic on his face, had me sitting up. Had Ric been experiencing blackouts too? Was he suffering from the same thing that I was? I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. As I had a feeling that the cause of the blackouts was about to be revealed. And I really didn't want to hear it.

"You're insane," the hunter eventually shook his head, slumping down into one of the dining chairs. Jenna quickly sat down next to him, holding his hand. Meredith sat down too, a sympathetic look on her face.

"No, but I think you might be," she sighed. "You wear a ring that lets you cheat death, Ric. How many times can you die before it changes you?" I glanced down at my ring as my chest grew tight again. "I think you're sick and I want to help you. This has happened before, almost 100 years ago."

Movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. Elena stood in the kitchen doorway, a regretful look on her face as she held the journal in her hands.

"Elena," Jenna realised that she was there a split second before the others did.

"Ric, I think she's right," my sister said slowly, holding out the journal. As Ric took it, my twin's gaze turned to me and the fear in those brown depths turned my stomach. I slumped back on my heels and returned my gaze to my ring.

The one that was driving me insane.

XXX

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! And that you didn't find it too painful ;) Loving the reviews, please keep them coming! I want to hear your thoughts on what poor Alexa is going through ;) Thank you for the votes on the poll, please do continue to vote, as this is going to be a long story and I want to know what your thoughts are on the length :) until next time, hope you enjoyed xoxo