Disclaimer: I only own my OCs

A/N: I always thought that Elena went very crazy in such a short amount of time in this episode. The curse got into her head really quickly to drive her to wanting to take her life. On that note, while this was in the episode, just wanted to put a warning for potential suicidal thoughts. I know that we all saw the episode but I wanted to make sure that everyone was warned!

Sleep eluded me that night.

I just couldn't turn my mind off. Every time that I got settled, something disturbed me. It was just stuff like random noises, but it was enough to get me sitting up each time. My mind just felt like it needed to check the room after every noise. It was weird. And I hated it. I wasn't supposed to suffer from sleepless nights anymore. I was a vampire for fuck sake. I wasn't supposed to be disturbed by random noises anymore.

Once I gave up on sleep, I grabbed a whiskey bottle and made my way downstairs. I was tempted to drink in my room, but I wanted to get some food too. I was absolutely starving, for some reason, and it wasn't actually for blood. I was just really craving some garlic bread. It was weird, but it felt normal. And I guess I needed normal.

I turned the oven on when I got into the kitchen, before grabbing a glass for my whiskey. I figured that I would show a bit of decorum, and not just neck it from the bottle. Which was tempting. But putting it in a glass would also make sure that I didn't down the bottle too quickly. I wanted some with my garlic bread.

I held the cool glass to my head, my eyes closed, when a sudden voice made me jump, "Can't sleep?"

What the fuck?

I opened my eyes and looked around the kitchen. But there was no one there. Which was weird. Because I could have sworn that I heard a voice. Damn, maybe I really was going insane. Not to self, message Damon when it reached a more sociable hour.

I drained my glass and turned around to refill it. Honestly, why was the oven taking so long to warm up? I was almost tempted to give up on the garlic bread and just eat some chips. I was contemplating if that would officially make me lazy when I turned around. Only to gasp when I saw Connor leaning against the counter.

His arms were crossed as he stared at me, blood covering his neck, staining the grey tank top that he was wearing. He narrowed his eyes at me as he spoke, "You know, it makes sense; guilty conscience."

"Oh shit," I whispered, placing my drink to the side with shaking hands. "This can't be real. I'm imagining this. You can't be here."

"And why can't I be here, huh?" Connor snapped, walking forward. For each step that he took, I took one away from him.

"I mean, it's kinda obvious," I tried to deflect, my back hitting the counter behind me. I glanced to the side, wondering if I could run away. But before I could make a move, Connor was standing right in front of me, looming over me.

"I don't care," he growled, his voice low. "I want you to say it."

"Fine!" I snapped, narrowing my eyes, meeting his hard gaze. "Because I killed you."

"Yes, you did," the hunter nodded, hands coming out to rest on the counter on either side of me, trapping me in front of him. "Was that the first time that you've taken a human life?"

"Uh, nope," I shook my head, eyes wide as my gaze darted around the room, looking for help. "First time that one has come back to haunt me though. That's not fun. And I would really appreciate it if you just went away."

"That isn't going to happen, murderer," Connor hissed, a dark look on his face.

"Oh whoop-di-fucking-doo," I muttered, shaking my head. "Only I could get haunted by a fucking ghost of the person that I killed. It's so not fair. Maybe if you won't go away voluntarily then Jeremy can make you go away. Because I do not want to deal with you right now." I raised my voice, "Jer!" For good measure, I added, "Elena!" Just in case I needed backup to get rid of Connor. And to make sure that normal people could see him too.

"You think that I'm a ghost?" the hunter scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Yep, one that is haunting me," I hummed, not wanting to test the theory by touching him. Because if I could touch him, then I had to accept that this was something different. And I didn't know if something different was a good thing.

Unfortunately, Connor didn't agree with me. He smirked tauntingly, as though he could read my mind, "Could a ghost do this?"

Before I could ask "do what?" the hunter grabbed my arm, spinning me around so that my back was pressed against his chest. His arm came up and pressed against my throat, choking me. My hands automatically shot up to grab his arm as my mind spun, trying to work out what the fuck had happened.

I quickly stomped on his foot before aiming another kick at his knee. Connor let out a grunt, probably not expecting me to fight back like that. He let go of me and I quickly spun around, shoving him backwards. I was too caught up in my shock to push him hard, so the hunter only staggered back a couple of steps. But it was enough to get him away from me.

With a glare, Connor went to step forward again. But this time, I was ready for him. I felt my face change in anger and I rushed forward, shoving Connor against the wall. I went to bite his neck, determined to get rid of him again, when a painfully familiar voice screamed my name.

I paused in shock at the sound of my twin's voice. And it was then that I realised that the body that I was holding was warm. It wasn't cold, like Connor's had been. There was a heart beating beneath the chest in front of me. I pulled my face back, only to see Ellie staring at me in fear.

With a horrified gasp, I let go of her, staggering back. My hand came up to cover my mouth as Jeremy and Jenna appeared in the doorway. But I couldn't take my eyes off my twin, even as I chanted, "Oh my god. Ellie, I'm so sorry. Oh god, I can't believe I just did that. Ellie, I'm sorry."

XXX

I paced back and forth across the living room, running my fingers through my hair, tugging on it. I nearly attacked my sister, I nearly hurt her. Oh god, what was happening to me? Why was I seeing Connor all the time?

Speaking of the dead hunter, he was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, as he made unhelpful little comments. Like reminding me how much of a monster that I was, that I was dangerous to my loved ones. I was just about able to ignore him. But it was getting harder. Especially since the alternative was listening to my family discuss what happened a couple of hours ago.

Damon had arrived not longer after it happened, having been summoned by Elena. He was the one who was able to get me out of my position, curled up on the kitchen floor, head in hands. I tried to explain what happened, but it came out garbled, filled with tears and apologies. Fortunately, Ellie was able to explain some of it before I was calmed down enough to tell them that I was seeing Connor everywhere. Of course, that led to Damon explaining that I was the one who ended up killing the hunter. Which was a fun conversation in itself.

And all of that led to me pacing back and forth in front of my sister, who was stretching out her sore back. I had used a lot of force when I pushed her against the wall, and the reminded of that had me tugging on my hair again.

"I can't believe this is happening," I was muttering as I paced. "I can't believe I hurt you. Oh god, Ellie, I'm so sorry."

"Sorry's don't mean anything when it's a monster saying them," Connor unhelpfully piped up. As I turned around to pointed my finger in his direction and hissed at him to shut up. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my family exchanging glances, but I didn't pay attention to it. I knew that I was going crazy, but that didn't mean that I had to acknowledge it to them.

"Ally, hey," Damon dodged in front of me, cupping my face as he stopped me from pacing. "It's going to be okay, just take a deep breath." I nodded and did as requested, before resting my head against his chest. My boyfriend wrapped his arms around me, holding me close, before glancing over at my sister, "Have you called Stefan?"

I ignored the dead hunter as he scoffed, "Ugh, how disgusting, two monsters in love. You both need to be destroyed."

"I don't want to talk to him right now," Elena shook her head sharply, an angry look forming on her face. "He's been lying to all of us and hiding things. He compelled Jeremy to forget God knows what. And he didn't protect either of my siblings yesterday."

"I get that, but he knows more about the hunter thanks to Klaus, he might know more about this," I frowned at my boyfriend's pushing. He was normally quite content to not involve Stefan if people didn't want him around. But he seemed quite keen to get his brother here this time.

"I don't trust him right now, Damon," my twin argued and Jenna nodded.

"I don't want him in the house right now," our aunt agreed, resting a hand on Elena's shoulder. "He's betrayed our trust, again. I don't want him to put any more of my kids in danger."

Of course, right at that second, Stefan walked through the front door. I rolled my eyes at the worried expression on his face, ignoring Connor's muttered insult, as the others gave Damon an accusing glance.

My boyfriend winced, "PS, I called Stefan."

"You're in trouble now," I mumbled in Damon's chest and he rolled his eyes at me.

"Not helpful, Ally," he muttered into my hair while his brother approached us with a worried expression on his face.

"What happened?" Stefan asked, glancing between us. He looked at Elena, "Why didn't you call me?"

"Cos you're in the doghouse," I snorted, eyes fixed on Connor as he walked around the room. The hallucination had obviously gotten fed up with me not being able to see him. So he had decided to move to where I could see him.

"Lexa, shush," my twin decided to focus on me and not her boyfriend. "Just… focus on Damon."

"Rude," I rolled my eyes before accidentally making eye contact with Connor. He narrowed his eyes at me and I glared at him in return. If I told him to fuck off, do you think that he would actually listen? Because he hadn't done so, so far.

"You're joking, right?" my brother scoffed while Ellie was trying to work out how to answer. "After yesterday, you shouldn't even be here."

"Damn straight," I nodded, stepping out of Damon's arms to grab my drink. No one had said anything about the fact that I was now necking whiskey from the bottle, which I appreciated. As I needed something to settled my nerves. "So if could kindly exit the premises, it would be awesome." When Stefan didn't move, I rolled my eyes and made a shooing motion, "Go on, vamoose."

"How ironic, you don't want to be around the vampire that was trying to save me," the dead hunter scoffed, walking towards me. "Tell me, does seeing Stefan Salvatore increase your guilt? He would have saved me if it wasn't for you. How does that make you feel?"

"Oh for," I growled before spinning around and shouting, "Will you just shut the fuck up?!" The humans in the room jumped at my unexpected words, as everyone stared at me in shock. "You are really fucking pissing me off! I killed you, get over it! Deal with it! Just leave me alone and move on, asshole!"

With a frustrated shake of the head, I sped from the room. I slammed my bedroom door shut and leant against it, holding my head in my hands. My breathing was heavy as I told myself to just get it together. Because I was not going to let Connor beat me. I was strong than that.

XXX

I was left alone for a few minutes, with not even Connor bothering me, before there was a gentle knock on my door. I glanced from where I was curled up on the floor in front of my window seat. But before I could summon them in, the door was opening. My twin poked her head around the door, looking for me. When she saw me, Ellie let out a sigh before walking in. She left the door open behind her as she moved to sit down on the window seat behind me.

"How are you doing, Lexa?" my sister asked softly as she grabbed my hairbrush from the side. My hair was tangled from my lack of sleep last night and from running my fingers through my hair. So it was in dire need of a brush and clearly, my twin agreed.

She gently started running the brush through my hair as I sighed, "I know that they say that there are consequences to your actions. But I never thought that I would be haunted as a consequence. It seems a bit unfair. Not even Esther haunted me. So why is this asshole doing so?"

"I don't think that this is a normal haunting," Elena mused out loud as she moved my head as needed. "Jeremy can't see him, so he isn't a ghost."

"So what do you think it is, then?" I frowned, eyes scanning the room, making sure that the dead hunter hadn't made a reappearance. Thankfully, he seemed to be leaving me alone for the moment. But I didn't know when that would change. Because I knew that it would eventually. Connor seemed to be determined to drive me insane. And he wouldn't have given up on that just because I yelled at him.

"I don't know," my sister sighed, braiding my hair, making sure that it was out of my face. "But we'll figure it out. You just need to stay strong until we do."

"Oh yay," I rolled my eyes, leaning my head back against Ellie's knees. "I don't know how easy that will be."

"You're strong, Lexa," my sister reassured me, her voice soft as I closed my eyes, leaning more of my weight against her. "And I won't let you go through it alone."

She gently massaged my temples. I was so caught up in the relaxing feeling that it was shock when she paused for a moment. She very quickly continued as she spoke, her voice painfully even, "Stefan."

"Hey, Elena," the older vampire sighed, glancing down at me. But I ignored him, content to just focus on the feeling on my sister's fingers massaging away the headache that had been plaguing me. The one that had been annoying me all day yesterday too. "Listen, I know that you're still upset about yesterday, and I get it, believe me, but just let me help Alexa."

"Help her like you did yesterday?" Elena scoffed, keeping her voice soft so as to not disturb me. "We don't want your help right now, Stefan."

"But you'll accept Damon's?" the younger Salvatore frowned deeply, sounding hurt. I rolled my eyes beneath my eyelids. He was such a fool. He couldn't accept that my sister was closer with Damon now, ever since Stefan had his little evil vacation for a few months.

"Don't make this about Damon," my sister narrowed her eyes at her boyfriend. "You've been working with Klaus, doing god knows what, and don't insult me by trying to deny it."

"Listen," Stefan pleaded, staring at my twin with wide eyes. "It's not what you think, okay?"

"I don't know what to think, but I do know that I don't want to talk to you and I don't really want to be around you right now," Ellie snapped, resting a hand on the top of my head. "Nor do I want you around my sister."

"Please," the other vampire tried again, his voice weak. But Elena shook her head sharply, pointing at the door.

"No," she interrupted him. "Look at my sister, Stefan. You said that you would look after her yesterday. I let you go, I didn't stop you when you vervained Damon, because you said that you would look after her and Jeremy. But you didn't. So forgive me if I'm not in the mood to listen to you try to talk your way out of this."

Stefan gave her a sad look, hurt clear in his eyes. But he did as requested and left my room. I opened my eyes and watched as he walked back down the stairs. I didn't like seeing Stefan sad. But I was also mad at him for yesterday. It was a horrible conflict, and one that I didn't want to think about. But that didn't stop me from sighing in a small voice, "Ellie, I don't want you to be mad at him because of me."

"It's not just because of you, Lexa," my sister was quick to reassure me. "Stefan has been lying to me and I've been down that road before. I don't want to get hurt again." She paused before sighing, "And I can't trust him anymore."

"He might be acting like this for a reason," I said, thinking back to Damon's words yesterday. He knew that the younger Salvatore was up to something, even if he was reluctant to tell me at the time. "And it might be a good reason."

"I don't care what the reason is," Ellie sighed, running her hand down my braid. "It's not worth being lied to over."

I wanted to believe her words. But I just couldn't help but feel as though this was a big secret. The look on Damon's face when he tried to avoid mentioning it, the relief in his eyes when I dismissed it. All of it pointed to something big. And it was unnerving. Because it felt like it was something that would change everything forever. And I didn't want that.

XXX

After talking with my sister for a bit longer, she persuaded me to go get ready for the day. Normally, that would mean a shower, but I couldn't be bothered to. And besides, Ellie had made my hair all nice and I didn't want to mess it up. So, as a compromise, I washed my face, going all out by using all of the various creams and scrubs that Caroline had given me over the years.

As I washed my face, I glanced down to see the water running red. I knew that it was all in my head, as when I glanced up into the mirror, the water on my face was clear. But that didn't stop me from squeezing my eyes shut as the water turned red again. I didn't know what was happening to me, but I knew that it fucking sucked. And I hoped that it would be over soon.

Finishing washing my face was hard when I refused to look down into the sink, but I just couldn't stomach the sight of the red water. Just because I was used to washing blood from my body, didn't mean that I wanted to see the water run red. Nope, I was more than happy finishing it off without opening my eyes. And I could always look into the mirror if I wasn't sure that I had washed something off.

I listened the murmurings of my family's voices downstairs as I got ready. I picked out a simple jumper dress, pairing it with some leggings. It was clothes that I could relax in, since my mean sister had forbidden me from just putting my pjs back on. Ugh, she was so cruel. So as revenge, I had stolen the jumper dress from her.

As I was tidying up my appearance in the mirror, adjusting an old necklace, I realised that I had company. And it was not welcome company. Apparently, Connor had decided to make a reappearance. The shithead. He was leaning back against my wall, arms crossed as he stared at me with narrowed eyes.

I just sighed and looked away. I was debating whether it was worth testing the limits of my new tolerance and drinking myself into a boozy coma, when the dead hunter uncrossed his arms. He reached up and touched at the blood on his neck. He examined the blood on his fingers before looking back at me, walking forward.

"Would you like some?" Connor asked, a dark look on his face, as he held out his hand towards me. "You seemed to enjoy it when you drank from me."

"Nope, I'm good, thanks," I shook my head, keeping my eyes on my reflection. I brushed the small strands of hair from my face as I put some earrings in. I didn't really want to wear them, but it gave me something to focus on. Instead of the bitchy little hunter behind me.

"Are you sure?" the hunter raised an eyebrow before shrugging. "Perhaps you would prefer to just snap my neck again."

"Ugh, if only," I rolled my eyes, running out of things to distract myself with. So with a reluctant sigh, I turned around and crossed my arms, facing the dead man in front of me. "But unfortunately, I don't think that that trick will work again."

"Trick?" Connor growled, walking forward so that he was stood right in front of me. I could feel the coldness of his chest with every breath. "You killed me."

"You deserved it," I shot back, refusing to back down. I knew that this wasn't real, even if it was hard to convince myself of that sometimes. "You shot my brother and you hurt me, like, multiple times."

"Because you're a monster," the hunter hissed, forcing me to meet his gaze. "And you deserve to die. Go on, admit it."

"There's nothing to admit," I said in a small voice, shaking my head. "I know what you're trying to do. You want to take me back to that dark place, and I won't go. I won't ever go back there and not even you are strong enough to do that to me."

As Connor's face scrunched up into a glare, I cleared my throat and looked away. I didn't mean to reveal that much, even to a hallucination. But it was true. I hadn't been to place that dark since the leadup to the sacrifice. That was some of my darkest days, and I refused to let myself get that bad again. And so, I wouldn't let this hallucination, as annoying and painful as it was, take me back there.

"Now that sounds like a challenge," Connor smirked, thankfully stepping away from me. He walked a few steps away, moving to lean against the wall again. "Tell me, you knew that you deserved to die as a human. So why won't you do the same as a vampire?"

"Because I didn't deserve it," I snapped, clenching my fists as I crossed my arms. "I deserve to live and be happy and enjoy my life. It took me a long time to realise that, and I won't let you take me back to step one. So just fuck off and leave me alone."

I took a deep breath and turned around, resting my elbows on my dresser as I placed my head in my hands. I preferred his taunting. At least that didn't bring up painful memories. I could brush it off with sarcastic comments, giving back to him. I couldn't do that with this. It was too hard. Yeah, I had healed from it, but those thoughts still lingered, tormenting me when I was weak. I didn't know if the hallucinations spoke thoughts that were already in my head, but it was still painful to hear. God, I hoped that the dead hunter didn't know what was in my head. That would not be good for me. Like at all.

When Connor refused to fuck off, I shook my head and groaned, "Fine, then I'll leave. At least if I'm with others, you're easier to ignore."

XXX

I retreated downstairs, curling up on the sofa next to Jeremy. My brother sighed and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I rested my head against him as I watched Jenna and Damon speak in quiet voices on the other side of the room. Once again, I was the problem. Ever since my transition, I was an issue that my loved ones had to deal with. And I wasn't used to it. Elena was normally the one that took up people's time and focus, I wasn't used to being the star of the show. And I didn't know if I liked it. Which was quite funny, since I spent so many years wanting to be the centre of attention. But now I knew that I didn't like it.

"How are you doing, Lexa?" Jer asked quietly, resting his head against mine. He had an empty coffee mug in his hand, which he quickly placed to the side. If I wasn't so comfortably, resting against the warmth of my brother, I would be tempted to go get myself a mug. But moving was not on my to do list right now."

"Ugh, awful," I groaned as our sister walked into the room. "This sucks. Like, its so not fair. Why do I have to be haunted? And by Connor, of all people. He was an asshole when he was alive. He just seems to be even worse now."

Of course, because my luck was absolute shit, it was as though my words had summoned the dead hunter. He waltzed in behind Elena, immediately staring at me. I rolled my eyes at him and he must have taken that as a sign to continue his tormenting, "Decomposition starts in the first twenty-four hours. I'm rotting in an unmarked grave because of you."

"That's nice," I grumbled, unintentionally drawing the gazes of the other occupants of the room to myself. "Can't you rot in silence? Because your voice is really getting on my last nerve."

"Alexa, have you considered just ignoring him?" Jenna suggested slowly as I glared at the corner of the room.

"Can't," I shrugged, narrowing my eyes as Connor smirked at me. He started rubbing his fingers over his bloody neck again, holding them out to me. "If I ignore him, then he starts insulting you guys. And telling me all about how I'm a danger to you and how I will eat you. I much prefer trading insults with him over that."

"You do know that none of that is true, right?" my sister frowned, moving to crouch in front of me. "We trust you, Lexa. We know that you won't hurt us."

"I mean, I did attack you last night, Ellie," I sighed sadly, glancing down at my hands as my twin covered them with hers.

"Because of Connor," Elena corrected gently, exchanging a glance with Jeremy. "That wasn't your fault. He got into your head. You haven't hurt us before that, and you won't hurt us after he's gone."

"You healed me yesterday, Lexa," Jeremy added his own hand to the pile. "You ignored the temptation of my blood and you helped me. You wouldn't do that if you were a danger to me."

"Look at them," the hunter scoffed, drawing my attention away from my siblings. "You've got them so brainwashed that they can't even see how big of a monster you are."

"Is monster really the only thing that you can call me?" I glared at him. "It's a bit unimaginative. Honestly, come back to me when you've got some better insults."

"Oh, I can get creative," Connor narrowed his eyes at me. "Vampire whore."

"Whore? Yikes, that's a desperate move," I rolled my eyes before glancing down at my sister. "Did you hear that? Honestly, he's so pathetic."

Before my twin could say anything, the hunter hissed in my ear, hand squeezing my arm painfully, "Just you wait, I will get you. I don't care how long it takes; I will be the reason why you die."

Damn, I think I pushed too many buttons. Because he sounded pissed. Like really pissed. It was almost scary, but I refused to let myself be scared of him. He was in my head; he couldn't hurt me. Even if his grip was painful. I refused to let myself think as to why that was, I couldn't let myself think it. I had to believe that he couldn't hurt me.

With a startled gasp, I ripped my arm away from him, speeding out of my seat. I retreated behind the sofa, staring at the hallucination with wide eyes. Connor kept eye contact as he slowly stood up, a dark look on his face.

"Uh, you know what? I think I might go get some fresh air," my voice was annoying high as I backed away from the hunter who was slowly approaching me. "Yeah, fresh air sounds good."

I could hear their voices behind me, calling out to me. But I was too desperate to run away from my hallucination. I just couldn't quite convince myself that he wouldn't hurt me. The look on Connor's face promised pain. And I just wanted to get away from that.

So I quickly ran to the door, using my human speed. I flung open the door and stepped out onto the porch, gasping in deep breaths. I held a hand to my chest before I noticed that I wasn't alone. Stefan and Klaus stood on the garden path, both of them watching me. The younger Salvatore had a look of panic on his face, while the Original Hybrid smirked.

The next thing that I knew, Klaus was out of my line of sight. A firm hand pressed against my mouth as a strong arm wrapped around my waist, lifting me from my feet. I barely had a second to make eye contact with Stefan before I was being whisked away. Because, to continue the theme of a shitty day, Klaus had just fucking kidnapped me.

Fuck my life.

XXX

Klaus took me to his gaudy mansion. He had quickly released his grip on my mouth but he kept me pressed against him with a firm grip. Which was probably smart of the hybrid, because I would have ran away if he let me go. And the moment he does let me go, I'll be out that door. Klaus probably sensed that as he used his grip on my arm to drag me through the hallways of his mansion. He was looking for a room in particular. Once he found it, he gestured for one of his hybrid minions to open the door.

As I was dragged into the room, I repeated my previous demands, "Let go of me."

But unlike the other times, I was actually listened to. Klaus shrugged and released my arm, "Certainly." But I did notice that he kept himself between me and the door. So with an exaggerated eye roll, I turned around to examine the room. The first thing that I noticed was that distinct lack of windows. There was a huge bed in the corner of the room, paintings decorated the walls, highlighting the lack of furniture. "I apologise for the lack of windows; it's to preserve the art. And, of course, to prevent you from taking off your daylight ring and burning yourself to death in the sun."

"That isn't going to happen," I shook my head sharply, turning around to face the hybrid. "I won't give that asshole the satisfaction of winning."

"You say that now," Klaus' sharp eyes examined my face, the lack of light in the room making them look almost black. It was unnerving, but his next words were even worse. "But you will want to. I did. Problem is, I'm immortal."

I frowned as his words sank in, "Hang on, did this happen to you too?"

The Original must have been in a nice mood as he nodded, stepping closer to me, trusting his hybrid to guard the door, "Yes, I did. For fifty-two years, four months, and nine days. I was tormented, in my dreams, my every waking moment, relentless, never-ending torture. It was the only period of my life when I actually felt time."

His voice was soft as he spoke, his gaze fixed over my shoulder. Like he couldn't expose this weakness to me properly, he had to keep some of his mask up. But I could see the shadows of that pain on his face. Like a nightmare that never quite faded. And a horrible feeling struck me. I swallowed hard, my voice quiet as I asked, "I'm not going to survive this, am I?"

"Of course you are, love," Klaus stepped forward, resting a strong hand on my shoulder. "Because I will make sure that you do."

"Why?" I frowned, as I ignored the need to move away from him. In an ironic turn of events, I kind of wanted to lean on his strength. He had survived this, I had to find out how. And until I could get out of here, he was my only hope. Which was an incredibly weird feeling. But I knew that Klaus would keep me alive. When he put his mind to something, he tended to succeed in it. Normally that just pissed me off, but today, I would take advantage of that.

"Well, I can't let this kill you, not after I've failed so many times," the hybrid smirked gently, those annoyingly adorable dimples making themselves known. I hated those dimples. When you factored them in with those blue eyes and the curls in his blonde hair, it was easy to see why he charmed so many people. But he hadn't charmed me. Even if he was trying right now, in an attempt to reassure me. And god, it was weird thinking that. Klaus did not do reassuring. But he was right now.

I rolled my eyes, "Of course not, can't damage your ego like that, can we?" I glanced around the room, expecting Connor to appear. The hunter had been suspiciously absent ever since we got here, and I knew that it wouldn't last. But it did get me thinking, "You knew that this would happen to whoever killed Connor. Is that why you involved yourself in all of this? Did you tell Stefan?"

Klaus hesitated, a flash of hesitation crossing his face, before he spoke carefully, "All he knew was that the hunter had to be kept alive. You should have listened to him when he said that he had it covered, love."

"Stefan isn't in my good books, right now," I grumbled, crossing my arms. "And I don't tend to listen to those in my bad books."

"Tell me something that I don't know," Klaus rolled his eyes.

I bit my lip and stared up at him, thinking back to what Damon had tried not to reveal, "Stefan knows something else, doesn't he? Did you tell him that too?"

"Well, even if I did, that's just one of life's little mysteries, isn't it?" the hybrid shrugged, removing his hand from my shoulder. He went to leave but paused when I asked my question.

"How did you make it all stop?"

Klaus stared back at me, a hesitant look on his face before he sighed, "I didn't. Eventually, it just stopped." He paused before adding, "The hallucinations tend to appear in strange forms." He knocked on the door, gaze still fixed upon me, "Don't say that I didn't warn you."

With that said, the Original walked out of the room. His hybrid stared at me for a moment before closing the door behind them. I sighed and turned around, looking around the room. It was minimalist to the extreme. But I knew that it meant that there was less stuff to hurt myself with. Because I knew now that it was bound to happen. I was going to dragged back down to that dark place again. It had happened to Klaus; it would happen to me too. I just had to hope that my amazing friends and family found a way to save me before I did something that I regretted.

XXX

I had no idea just how long it had been before the door opened again. The hybrid from before walked in, a duffel bag in hand. He glanced over at me with weary eyes before carefully placing the bag down on the bed. The hybrid cleared his throat before speaking, "Clothes, toothbrush, books. Klaus said that you're gonna be here until he figures out where to put you."

"Oh joy of joys," I groaned, massaging my temples as I tried to ignore the dead hunter pacing around the room. "Thanks for the stuff."

The hybrid, who was actually kinda cute, nodded. He went to leave before pausing. He turned back around to face me, a hesitant look on his face as he spoke, "For what it's worth, I think that Klaus actually does want to save you."

"I believe you," I smiled weakly as Connor walked right up behind the hybrid. "And that is a weird thought. Because Klaus has never done nice. Its just another thing to add to the mindfuck."

The hybrid clearly had no idea what to say to that. So he just gave me a small smile before walking out the room. I heard the lock click behind him and sighed. When the hunter loomed over me, I rolled my eyes and glanced up at him, "Seriously, can't you just fuck off? Please? Just give me, like, an hour, where I don't have to deal with you."

"I can't," he glared at me. "I'm going to be with you forever, a constant reminder of what you've become."

"I'm sorry, did we exchange wedding vows and I forgot?" I pushed myself to my feet, glaring right back at him. "Because til death do we part is not going to happen here. So leave. Me. Alone."

"No, I won't," Connor tilted his head, showing off his bloody neck. "Tell me, how did it feel to drain the life out of me?"

"Fuck sake, are we back to this again?" I shook my head. "I know what you want me to say." I put on a falsely high voice, whimpering dramatically, "Oh it was simply horrible. I can't believe that I did that. It was the worst thing ever." My voice went back to normal, "And then you'll be all," I deepened my voice, "You're lying. Tell me the truth. Blah. Blah. Blah." I shook my head, "So let's just cut the crap. I enjoyed it, okay? I liked feeding from you, causing you pain. Because you hurt my brother and I was strong enough to do something to punish you for that. Does that do it for you? Can you leave me alone for a bit now?"

"No, Alexa, I can't," the hunter looked at me, probing for another weakness, since I wasn't playing his games anymore. "I'm dead. Did you know that I had a family? A brother, parents."

"Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?" I frowned, shaking my head. "You nearly killed April Young. An innocent girl nearly lost her life because of you. She wasn't involved in any of this until you stabbed her. And now you are bringing out the family card? Seriously?"

"You helped one girl. But what does that actually mean, in the long run? How many people have died because of you? Because of your selfishness? Mason Lockwood? Luke Nolan? Jasmine Nolan? Isobel? John? The list is endless. And they are dead because of you. Because you failed to save them. So why do you get to live when they don't?"

I shook my head, turning away from him. Guilt swirled around my head as I failed to banish his words from my mind. Because I knew that it was true. They were dead because I wasn't good enough, because I failed to save them. But that was why I wanted to turn, so that I could be strong enough to protect my loved ones now. But why did I deserve to live when they didn't?

"Shut up," I choked out, walking away from him. "It wasn't my fault that it happened."

But even I could tell that I didn't believe my words. My words rang hollow as I failed to shake away his words. All I could do was try to run away from them.

"We both know that that isn't true," Connor taunted me, appearing in front of me. He grabbed my wrists as I went to cover my ears, trying to block out his words. "They all died because of you. And I'm not going to stop until you've taken your last, miserable breath."

"I am not going to let you win," I glared up at him, ruthlessly pushing away the tears that wanted to form. I refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I would be stronger than him. I had to be.

"Then get rid of me," the hunter growled, using his grip to pull me closer to him. "Kill yourself. Like you should have done months ago. You're a monster and you deserve to die."

"No, I don't," I squeezed my eyes shut before repeating those words to myself. "I don't deserve to die. I don't deserve to die."

"If you won't listen to me, then maybe you'll listen to the others," at Connor's words, I couldn't stop myself from opening his eyes and gazing up at him in horror. "After all, I'm not the only human life that you have taken."

I staggered forward as the dead hunter suddenly disappeared. I glanced around the room, clutching my chest. I was absolutely shit-scared as to who would appear next. I knew that there were others, from before I turned. And I did not want to face them. I hadn't deal with the guilt of their deaths, I couldn't face them now. Not when they would be saying cruel things to me, eager to get me to die. I couldn't deal with that. I would almost prefer Connor. At least I felt no guilt over his death. Maybe he was lying, trying to get into my head.

But of course, those hopes were scuppered when I turned around, only to see the Original Mother staring at me.

"Hello Alexandria."

XXX

"Esther?" I gasped, staggering back. There was a bloody patch on her white top, right where I shot her. And I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It was taunting me, reminding me of what I had done to the witch, of the life that I had taken.

"I am so disappointed in you, Alexandria," Esther shook her head, taking a deep towards me. I took a few steps back before shaking my head.

With a muttered "nuh uh" I sped over to the door. I banged on the wood, shouting loudly, "Klaus! Your mom is haunting me! Make it stop!" But there as no answer from the hybrid. God, of all the times that he chose not to be at home, why did it have to be now? It was really unfair.

"You were supposed to destroy vampires, not become one," the witch appeared next to me and I sped away again, taking shelter behind the chair. I couldn't let her come near me. Just the thought of it made me feel sick. This was the first human life that I had taken that I was aware of. I knew what I was doing when I killed Esther. I hadn't regretted it in the moment, not after seeing her aiming those weapons at Jeremy and Matt. But I regretted it after. I had killed someone. I hadn't even given her a chance. I just shot her. "You weren't supposed to become a monster."

"You were already making me into a monster," I shook my head desperately, silently praying for Connor to return. I could deal with him. I couldn't deal with Esther. "I hurt people, because of the poison that you put into my head. I was out of control. I killed Caroline's dad! Becoming a vampire saved me from that."

"No," Esther disagreed, letting out a soft sigh. "You were fulfilling a great destiny, ridding the world of evil and those who were protecting it. And now you are that evil. The girl that you were before is gone. Replaced by something that will destroy the world, instead of saving it."

"The girl that you remember was a lie," I narrowed my eyes, clenching my fists. My nails dug painfully into my palms, the pain giving me something to focus on. Other than the cold look in the Original Witch's eyes. "You manipulated her, took advantage of her at her weakest. Well, now you can't do that to me. I'll always be stronger than you."

"I wouldn't try to manipulate you now," the witch stepped forward, grabbing my wrist before I could run away again. Her nails dug into my wrists as she caught my gaze. I was unable to look away, even though every instinct in my body screamed at me to. "Instead, I would create a hunter to destroy you. To hurt you, like you've hurt others. You are no longer worth my time."

"I don't want to be worth your time," I gasped out, my chest feeling tight. Could I still get panic attacks as a vampire? Because I was dangerously close to one. Esther had gotten into my head in a way that Connor hadn't. She knew my weaknesses. She had spent so much time grooming me to be her little monster. And she was using all of those tricks now. "I don't want anything to do with you."

"Well, now you can't," Esther sighed, shaking her head, that disappointed look back on her face. "Because I'm dead. Because of you. How does that make you feel?"

"You were a threat to everyone that I loved," I held a hand to my chest, nails digging into my skin as I tried to focus on something, anything other than the looming panic attack. "You were going to kill my brother and my friend. You had killed Ric. You were a danger to my twin. It had to be done."

"Is that how you sleep at night?" the witch raised an eyebrow. "I should never have died that night. And deep down, you know that too."

"You should never have been alive. You cheated death; you used my friend to bring yourself back."

"You would know all about that, wouldn't you, Alexandria?" I flinched at the use of my full name. She didn't say it with loving exasperation, like my mom used to. She said my name with disappointment, with disgust. "You were supposed to die that night, when your twin gave her life. But you didn't. And now you need to fix that."

"I didn't know that I had vampire blood in my system!" I argued, my voice shaking horribly. My breaths were still coming out in gasps, the cold hand of the witch on my wrist exasperating it. "I tried to live. But it's your fault that I died! You linked me with Elena! You caused this!"

"You chose to complete the transition!" Esther snapped back, losing her cool for the first time. I flinched horribly at the noise, wanting to dodge away. But the witch refused to let go of my wrist. "You could have died instead! You could have let Bonnie cure you! But you chose to become a monster. And now you need to make it right."

"I won't kill myself," I whispered, shaking my head as I sank to my knees. Esther finally released her grip on me then. I immediately curled up into a ball, resting my hands on my head as I pressed my face against my legs. "I won't do it. I won't let you make me."

"I see," the Original Witch sighed, moving away from me. The sound of her heels echoed around the room, the sound making me flinch over and over again. "You need one final push. Well, that can be done." She turned around to face me, a cold look on her face, "I'll see you soon, Alexa."

She disappeared and I felt sick. Because I didn't know who would turn up next. There were two options, and I didn't want either of them. Because they both highlighted my failures. And they were both likely to push me over the edge.

XXX

I didn't know how long I had been crying into my knees when a soft hand landed on my back. It was enough to make me flinch, because I knew who it belonged to. And I hoped that I would never have to face this mistake, especially not like this.

"Come on, Alexa," Bill Forbes sighed softly, helping me off of the floor. He directed me over to the chair, crouching down in front of me. My friend's dad wiped away my tears and I was reminded so much of when he did this when I was little. The memories brought on a fresh wave of tears. He was dead because of me. Caroline had lost him because of me. I had caused his death, just like I had caused so many others.

"Mr Forbes?" I whimpered and he looked up at me with his blue eyes. God, they looked so much like Care's. Full of kindness and sympathy. He had always been so gentle, which was why his torturing of his daughter was such a shock. He was the soft one, the one who would pick you up and sort out your scraped knees. He always had a soft voice, one full of encouraging words. And now he was gone, because of me. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to kill you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Mr Forbes nodded, "I understand, Alexa. You were scared. You didn't want to face the truth. Just like now."

I shook my head as I realised what he meant. He was here to do the same, to persuade me to kill myself. He wanted me to die, too. Like he had died. Because I had been too scared to tell anyone about my blackouts. I had let my fear rule me, and he had paid the price for that. And now my punishment had come for me.

"I don't want to die," I whispered as Mr Forbes covered my hands with his. They were curled into fists on my lap. I couldn't feel the warmth from him. His skin was cold to touch, reminding me that this wasn't real. It was just in my head. Even though it felt painfully real. "I want to live. I want to enjoy my life."

"But Alexa," Mr Forbes sighed, shaking his head, a disappointed look on his face. One that made my heart hurt. "You aren't alive, not anymore. You died that night on the bridge. And a monster walked away."

"That's not true," I shook my head, tears continuing to fall. "I am alive. I'm still me. I'm just different."

"You're a monster," my friend's dad correctly, his soft voice still making me flinch. "And like all monsters, you deserve to die."

"Would you say that to Caroline?" I asked quietly, desperately trying not to believe his words. It was more painful coming from him. I could take this from Connor and Esther, I didn't know them, not really. But this was Bill Forbes. This was Caroline's dad. I had grown up with him. He had come to my birthday parties, he had wiped away my tears, cleaned up my injuries, given me advice. I had known him my entire life. And now my hallucinations were using his face to torment me. To get me to kill myself.

"Caroline isn't a killer," Mr Forbes smiled gently, cupping my cheek. "Not like you are. And killers get punished. They deserve to die, don't they?"

I knew what I wanted to say. That I didn't mean to kill anyone. But that wasn't true. I had meant to kill Connor. I had wanted to kill him. The same with Esther. I had wanted to kill her too. Neither of those deaths were accidental. I knew what I was doing when I did it. And on some level, I enjoyed it. I liked what I did to Connor, the power that I had over him, at the end. I had proven that I was stronger than him, that I could kill him just as easily as he wanted to kill me.

The only deaths that I didn't mean were his and Heather's. But even then, they were my fault. My actions, or inaction in Mr Forbes' case, led to those deaths. I had lost control and killed Heather. I had put myself in a position where that was possible, where I could lose control. And Heather had lost her life because of that. Because of my foolish mistake.

Because I was a killer. I had killed four people. Four deaths were caused because of me. And I could never escape that. It would haunt me forever. Even after the hallucinations were gone, I would remember this. Well, that was assuming that I survived this. Because my strength was waning. With each hallucination, it was getting harder to fight it. My guilt was overwhelming. I was drowning in it. And I didn't know how much more that I could take.

"But I don't want to die," I whispered, staring down at Bill Forbes with wide eyes. Tears stained my cheeks, dripping down to soak through my jumper.

"It's okay to be scared," he reassured me softly. "I'll be there with you and I'll help you. You won't be alone."

I knew that I needed to get out of here. I was trapped in this room, with my hallucinations. I had to escape them. But I couldn't do that here. I didn't know when the door would open next, but I made a promise to myself that when it did, I would get out of here. My survival depended on that.

"You used to read me bedtime stories," I murmured, staring at the door. "And now you're trying to kill me."

"The girl that I knew is dead," Mr Forbes sighed, trying to draw my attention back to him. "And now the monster possessing her has to die too."

I almost wanted to listen, to believe him. But there was still a small part of me that was fighting, and I tried to preserve that part.

XXX

I must have zoned out at some point, staring blankly at the door. Because when I became aware again, Mr Forbes was gone. And I was so thankful for that. I couldn't bare to listen to him speak like that anymore. The Bill Forbes that I knew wouldn't try to get me to kill myself. He would have done it himself, if he needed to. And I respected him for that.

I brought my knees up against my chest, resting my cheek against them. I knew that someone else would come soon. The one that was probably the most painful of the three. And I was content to wait for that to happen. I was content to sit here, in this painfully silent room, until that happened. Klaus had soundproofed the room well; I couldn't even hear the electricity in the walls. It was just silent.

So silent, that the sound of the key clicking in the lock reverberated around the room. I looked at the door, tearing my eyes away from the painting in front of me. It was one of Klaus', a landscape of a forest at sunset. The burnt orange of the sky gave the cold room a bit of warmth. One that it seriously needed. And it was just an easy thing to focus on. It helped keep the dark thoughts at bay. I was able to stare at the brush strokes, the patterns in the paint, and just not think.

The door slowly opened, revealing the face of one Stefan Salvatore. I narrowed my eyes, wondering if he was really here. I mean, it wasn't the hallucination that I was expecting. But they could be low-balling me, trying to get me to lower my guard before throwing their secret weapon at me. After everything that I had seen, it wouldn't surprise me.

The older vampire looked at me, relief clear in his green eyes, as he stepped forward. He murmured my name, glancing around the room, "Alexa."

"Are you real?" I muttered, staring at him intently. I had no way of knowing, not unless he touched me. But I didn't want him to get that close. Just in case he wasn't real. I didn't want this slim chance of a rescue to be proved false. It could prove to be too much for that small part of me that was holding on.

I clenched my fists, my rings digging into my skin. The rings that Damon had given me. My daylight ring and my birthday ring. They were helping me hold on, giving me that little bit of strength. Strength that I desperately needed. Because I could feel myself flagging. There probably weren't even any hallucinations in the room, since Stefan was a question mark, but just the anticipation of them had my body tensing. I knew that the next one wouldn't be pretty. They just kept on getting worse and worse. And eventually, they would get to a point where I wouldn't want to fight anymore.

"I'm real," Stefan was quick to reassure, keeping his voice soft as he held out his hands. It was like he was approaching a spooked animal, one that could bolt at any moment. I could see why he was acting like that. I knew that I looked like a mess, tears staining my cheeks. My hair was probably a mess from the amount of times that I had run my hands over it, tugging on the end of my braid. But I couldn't bring myself to care.

"That's what they all say," I dug my nails into my legs, that sharp pain keeping my mind in the moment. My gaze drifted to the open door behind the other vampire. Stefan had left it open, probably to make sure that he could get me out of here quickly. But all it had done was give me an opportunity to escape, to get out of here. To get somewhere where I could clear my head.

"I promise that this time it's the truth," Stefan tried to get me to look at him. But whenever he got too close, I flinched, my body tensing. I did appreciate that the older vampire backed off whenever that happened, that he didn't push me too far. He didn't even know what I had been through today and he knew not to push.

"The truth is fickle and comes in many forms," I stared at the open door, wondering if I could make it. Stefan had moved so that he was in front of me, and was no longer blocking my exit. If I acted quickly, then he would never suspect it. I would be able to get out of this room, out of this house. And I needed that. I needed to get out of here. To feel the air on my face, to see the sun and the sky. I had been in here barely a day, and yet it felt like the walls were closing in on me. I couldn't escape the hallucinations in here. And I had to escape them.

"Alexa," the other vampire raised his voice slightly, hoping to get me to listen to him. "Listen to me. I can help you. You just need to come with me." I glanced back at him, a suspicious look on my face, prompting him to urge, "Let me help you."

"Only I can help me," I shook my head before pushing myself to my feet. Stefan stepped back, shocked at my sudden movement. And I used the opportunity to speed out of the room. Behind me, I heard the older vampire yell out my name. But I slammed the door shut behind me, locking him into the room. It was a bit of a dick move, but I had to slow him down. He would want to take me somewhere, and I didn't want that. I had to be in control, to go where I wanted to go. And hopefully that somewhere would keep my fighting.

XXX

I sped away, not even aware of where I was going. I just knew that I didn't want to be anywhere near Klaus' home. So I just kept on running until I suddenly stopped. I didn't know what had stopped me, it just felt as though I had run far enough away. I looked around, seeing only trees. But it felt familiar to me. I knew where I was, and I knew where my body was taking me. I just had to finish the journey.

I walked slowly down the road, approaching the old ruins in front of me. It had been a while since I was last here, before my transition. But it felt right. I knew that I wouldn't be found here. Well, there was one person that could find me. But he would keep me strong, keep me fighting. Klaus had made a mistake by taking me away from Damon. My boyfriend had proven time and time again that he was able to keep me strong and fighting. And I needed him. He might not be able to stop the hallucinations, but he could help me fight their cruel words. Damon had helped me out of that dark place before, he could do it again. And my life depended on that more than ever today. Because I didn't know what would stop this. Klaus didn't know what had ended it for him, and I had been out of contact with the others. I didn't know if they had found something. Stefan had said that he could help me, but I didn't even know if he was real. Or if he was real, if it was just a bluff. A way of getting me to go with him, to another room, another cell.

As I walked, I felt presences on either side of me. A quick glance showed that Connor and Esther had returned. The ones that tormented me the most. The cold, cruel ones. Whose words tore me apart. Together, they could do more damage. But neither of them could be as bad as Bill Forbes and the one that was yet to appear. I knew, deep down, that the final one would be the one to break me. I could survive the others. The guilt that I felt over some of their deaths wasn't crippling. Not like the death of the final one. She never deserved to die. Especially not the way that she did.

"Are you ready to die yet?" Connor taunted; his voice sharp as I picked my way through the trees. I was following my instincts more than anything. I couldn't quite remember where I had to go, but my feet were leading me in the right direction. "You know that it's your only way out of this."

If it wasn't for my vampire eyes, I wouldn't be able to see in the dark. The moon was high in the sky, but it didn't do much to light the path through the trees. The leaves above me blocked a lot of the light. But I was able to see now, so I could find the hidden path.

"That's your opinion," I shook my head, my voice quiet. Being outside had helped. It had cleared my mind slightly, giving me a bit more strength. Strength that I desperately needed. And I was able to fight back now. Maybe not as much as before. But it was something. And I needed that something.

"You can't take back what you did, Alexandria," Esther spoke, her voice sharp, even with her soft tones. "It can never be undone. You're a monster. You deserve to die."

"Even the kindest people can do monstrous things," I murmured, keeping my gaze ahead of me. It was a silly thought, but it was like if I didn't look at them, then they would go away. Previous experience had proven that it didn't work like it. But I still had that hope. That they would get fed up with tormenting me and leave me alone.

"But you've never been kind," the hunter picked up and I flinched. "You've always been selfish and cruel. People only put up with you because of your sister. Without Elena, you are worth nothing. So why don't you do everyone a favour and just die?"

"That's not true," I snapped back, glaring at him for a moment. But then I remembered my foolish hope and looked away from him. But the cruelly satisfied smirk on his face was burned into my memory. "I am worth something. I am my own person and I am important. I won't let you take that away from me."

"You've always been good a lying to yourself," the witch on my other side sighed, shaking her head. "It's a foolish trait. One that will lead to your death."

"Let me guess, hopefully sooner rather than later," I muttered bitterly, able to see my destination through the trees. I hoped that the two on either side of me wouldn't follow me there. It was a special place, one that I didn't want to be tainted by these hallucinations in particular.

"You will die by the time the sun rises," Connor promised and I felt my heart clench in my chest. Because I knew that he could be right. In such a short amount of time, they had pushed me so far. And I didn't know how much strength that I had left. The hallucinations still had so much left to give, so many things to torment me over.

"I won't let you defeat me in one day," I whispered, hesitating before I continued walking. I wanted them to go before I reached that special place. But they weren't leaving. It was as though they knew the truth. That I had to get to my destination to continue fighting but that I didn't want to bring them there. "I will beat you. I will beat this."

"There is no beating this, Alexandria," Esther contradicted me. "We will win. It's only a matter of time."

"Time is all I need."

XXX

The moment that I stepped out between the tress, into the clearing that Damon had shown me, his special escape, I realised that I was alone. Neither Connor nor Esther had followed me into the clearing. And for that, I was relieved. This place was able to remain sacred, untainted by them.

I was able to see the moon in the sky, its silvery light shimmering on the water of the falls. I could hear them in the distance, but I paid them no attention. With a tired sigh, I approached the ledge. I sat down, my feet hanging over the edge. I had forgotten just how beautiful it was here. How relaxing and peaceful it was. I understood why my mind had brought me here, it was a safe place for me.

I didn't realise that I wasn't alone until a soft voice spoke from beside me, "It's okay, you know."

I gasped and glanced to the side. Heather stared at me with her big brown eyes. She had a soft smile on her face as my heart clenched, tears quickly falling from my eyes. She had no blood staining her pale skin, removing all trace of my attack. And I was thankful for that. This would be painful enough as it was, without having to see that.

"Heather," her name slipped from my lips as I stared at her. My nails dug into my thighs as I realised that this was it. This was the trump card. The worst mistake that I had ever made, one that had led to an innocent life being taken. And it had invaded my safe space.

"I understand," Heather shuffled closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder as she looked out across the water. "You lost control; it happens. I lost control once and smashed my favourite paperweight." There was a content smile on her face and I had to look away. It was so hard. I almost wished that she was yelling at me, calling me a monster.

"I never meant to hurt you," I whispered, fresh tears falling as the girl took my hand in hers.

"I know you didn't," she nodded, her hair brushing against me. "You were always so kind, even before you died. You never wanted to hurt anyone. But you have. And it will keep happening, even if you try really hard not to."

"I know," I agreed, feeling my strength leave me. "I know that it will keep happening. It was what Stefan feared and he's going to be proved right. I'm not strong enough to get through this without killing more people. And I don't want that to happen." It felt like a weight was settling on me, dragging me down. And I just couldn't fight it anymore. I didn't feel strong enough. Heather's appearance had broken me. I looked down at my daylight ring, seeing the way it glowed in the moonlight. "I'm just scared to take that final step."

"It's okay," Heather rested her thumb just under my daylight ring. "The sun will come up and all of this will be over. We both know that it is the right thing to do. And you won't be alone, we'll all be there with you."

I glanced to the side to see the others sitting next to Heather, staring at me. Their expressions were a mixture of understanding and encouraging and righteousness. They had wanted me to do this for so long. And now they were so close to getting their way.

"But what about my family?" I murmured, tearing my gaze away from them. "I can't leave them, not now. I became strong to look after them."

"You'll still be there for them," the girl sitting next to me smiled, a reassuring look on her face. "Jeremy will still be able to see you, because you'll be there to help him, as a ghost. You won't be able to hurt any of them anymore."

I nodded, unable to fight her words. After I had nearly attacked Elena this morning, the fear that I would inevitably end up hurting them just wouldn't leave me. I had resisted being invited to our home for so long, because of that fear. And then when I was, my sister was in danger not long later. It was a constant loop. They would always be in danger because of me, even if I helped them.

I closed my eyes, clenching my fists, as the sky in front of us began to light up. The sun was beginning to rise. And I knew what they wanted from me. They wanted me to get rid of my daylight ring, to throw it away and let myself burn. But no matter how much it made sense; I just couldn't do it. There was some kind of block in my body, preventing me from making that final move.

"Alexa."

I opened my eyes and glanced behind me. Damon stared down at me; his blue eyes filled with worry. And I could understand why. I looked like a complete mess. And I had ran away from Stefan. I had disappeared and probably scared the shit out of all of them.

"Damon," I sighed out his name as he carefully approached me. He probably didn't want to scare me off, in case I bolted like before. But I wouldn't do that, this time. I didn't have the energy to run anymore. I was just content to sit here and wait, and let fate control my destiny. "You found me."

"You feel safe here," my boyfriend murmured as he sat down next to me. He took my hand in his, the other still held by Heather. One who wanted me dead, and one who wanted me to live. "Didn't take a genius to figure it out."

"I didn't realise that I was coming here until I was already here," I muttered, looking up at the rising sun. "Funny how that happens. I thought that they wouldn't follow me here, but they did. And now there is nowhere else that I can go to escape them." Damon spoke my name, but I shook my head, cutting him off, "They keep calling me a monster, telling me that I deserve to die. Filling my head with the thought that I will hurt my loved ones, that I'm a threat to them. Because that's what vampires are, they are a threat. And it's getting so hard to ignore them. Because I see the truth, even though I don't want to."

"Hey," my boyfriend gently cupped my face, turning me to face him. "They're lying to you, Ally. Don't listen to them. Let' just go talk about this before you do something stupid, okay?"

"The sun will be up soon," Connor's voice echoed around the clearing as he crouched down behind me. "It's almost over."

"They want me to get rid of my ring," I whispered, closing my eyes and resting more of my weight against Damon. I could practically feel him move to check that I was still wearing it. But I didn't care, because it was nearly over. And I would either survive or die.

XXX

"We need to get you inside," Damon muttered, glancing around. He was still holding the wrist of the hand that the daylight ring sat on. Probably to make sure that I didn't do something stupid. "Before they get their way."

"We don't have enough time," I sighed, looking at the sunrise in front of us. "And besides, if it doesn't happen today. Then it could tomorrow, or the day after. They're in my head, Damon, and they aren't leaving any time soon."

"We'll always be with you, Alexa," Mr Forbes nodded, my gaze flicking over to him for a moment. He had blood covering him this time. It stained his shirt and his neck, drops decorating his face. If I looked down, then I would see the knife sticking out of his stomach. So I tried not to. All of them wore their blood, even Heather. It was a reminder of what I had done, what I was capable of. And what I could do again.

"Alexa, no, listen," Damon urged me to meet his gaze, holding my face still as he spoke, his voice firm. "What you are going through is a curse. We know how to break it, but we just have to get you inside. And then it will all be over, I promise."

I felt a cold hand brush my cheek, my gaze flickering to the side to see Esther, "Don't let him stop you. I know you want to, but you can't. Don't. We are the ones who are right, Alexandria. Not the demon."

"You can't be right," I whispered, hearing my boyfriend curse in front of me. "I don't want you to be."

"We don't always get what we want," Connor spoke up, standing behind Damon. His cold eyes stared down at me, his voice commanding. "And right now, you don't deserve to get what you want."

"Alexa," Damon growled out my name, forcing my gaze back to his. He leant forward to rest his forehead against mine. "Don't listen to them. They will say anything to get you to kill yourself. That is their purpose. And you are stronger than that."

"I don't feel stronger," I admitted, closing my eyes. And it was true. It was as though all of my strength had abandoned me. It was gone. And if it wasn't for Damon, the feel of him against my skin, then I would have given up. I would have done anything to make their cruel words stop.

Damon sighed before his lips pressed against mine. Without even realising, I reached up, clinging onto his shoulders as I focused only on the feel of his lips against mine. I blocked out everything around me, the growing warmth of the sun on my skin, the angry mutterings of the hallucinations. I just let myself be consumed by Damon.

He pulled back when I let out a gasp. It felt like, all of a sudden, a weight had been lifted from me. I felt so much lighter, my mind cleared from the fog that had been weighing it down. And it felt amazing. I didn't realise just how heavy I had been feeling until it was gone.

I opened my eyes, looking around the clearing. But it was empty. It was finally empty. They were gone. All of them were gone, never to bother me again. My lips curled up into a smile as I looked back at Damon, "They're gone."

"Thank god," Damon sighed, pulling me into a hug. I clung onto him, burying my face in his neck. It felt like such a relief. I was finally free of them. And I was fine. I would be fine. I hadn't abandoned my loved ones, despite the efforts of my hallucination. Damon rested his head against mine, his face buried in my hair. My boyfriend's voice was soft as he admitted, "When Stefan lost you, I was so worried that you had been forced into doing something dangerous. That I wouldn't see you again."

"I came close," I admitted, my voice small as I thought back on what had happened over the past day. "I came scarily close. But I managed to fight them, I don't know how. But I did."

"And I am so thankful for that," Damon sighed into my hair, his hand gently stroking my back.

"You said that this was a curse?" I frowned as I remember his words from before. "What did that mean?"

"It's a hunter's curse," my boyfriend replied, holding me close. I knew that after the events of the day, he wouldn't be letting me go anytime soon. To be fair, I didn't want to let go of him either. And I was quite content to remain in his arms forever. "The hunters were created by magic, and if one of their prey killed them, then they would be cursed. And eventually, they would kill themselves, marking them as the hunter's final kill."

I nodded, "I remember now. Klaus mentioned something, when he dumped me in his pretty little cell. Of course, he didn't provide much detail. But clearly killing Connor was not as great as we thought it was."

"Apparently not," Damon grumbled as we watched the sun rise above us. He hesitated for a moment, before carefully asking, "Was it just Connor?"

My breath hitched for a moment as I remembered the other faces that had haunted me. The ones that would continue to haunt me for a while longer. I cleared my throat before whispering, "I wish. He was joined by other that I had… killed. By Bill Forbes and Esther and Heather."

"Those deaths aren't your fault," my boyfriend was immediate to say, a strong hand resting on the back of my neck as he tried to reassure me.

I smiled sadly into his neck, "That's sweet of you to say, but they are. I made the choice to take their lives, even if I didn't realise it at the time for a couple of them. I'll have to live with that guilt forever. But it's okay, because I'm going to own it now. And I will try to do better." I paused before adding, "Even if it means letting you do the killing for me."

"And you know that I will," Damon nodded sharply, a dark promise in his voice. "I'll kill anyone for you, Ally, all you have to do is say who."

And as bad as it sounded, I appreciated that. I knew that my boyfriend would do anything for me. As I would do for him.

XXX

Damon took me home, probably realising that my family would want to see me, to reassure themselves that I was okay. I mean, physically I was, but it would take a while for me to recover mentally. Being repeatedly told to kill yourself really isn't good for you.

The moment that I stepped through the front door; I had an armful of Elena. My twin wrapped herself around me, muttering in my ear, "You're okay. You're home. I've got you back."

I quickly wrapped my arms around her in return, "I'm back, Ellie. It's all good." Jenna and Jeremy quickly joined my sister in hugging me, while Damon lurked by the front door. I didn't mind. I was able to see him while reassuring my loved ones. Now that my mind was clear, I knew how much I had worried them, especially after Klaus had played kidnapper. "Guys, I'm fine. Honestly. Curse is all gone and I'm feeling better."

"Are you sure?" our aunt looked at me with worried eyes. I pushed back the guilt that I felt at the worry, it wasn't my fault that this had happened. None of us knew that killing Connor would come with consequences like that. And, even though I knew about the curse, I would do the same again, if it meant protecting these amazing people in front of me. Because they were worth it. I had to power to protect them from the evils of our world, and I would do that. Despite being called a monster all day, I would be a monster if it meant looking after them. I just wouldn't regret what I did to save them.

"I promise," I gave her a soft smile, leaning forward to press a kiss to her cheek. "Now, why don't we all move over to the couch? Because as fun as this is, I could really do with sitting down for a bit."

The others immediately nodded and we moved positions. Well, Elena remained wrapped around me but I was able to carry her over to the sofa. I knew why my sister worried and I would let her continue to do so. It was something that I did. I needed that physical contact to reassure myself that the other was okay. And I was not going to deny Ellie that.

Jenna and Jeremy squeezed onto the couch with me and my twin, while Damon stood in front of us. He leant against the wall, his arms crossed, a conflicted look on his face. I didn't know what I had missed, but I knew that it was something significant.

"How much do you remember?" Jeremy asked, resting his head against my shoulder. I removed one arm from my twin to wrap around him too. I knew that he felt guilty over this, I had killed Connor to protect him more than anyone. And later, once our sister had stopped doing her best barnacle impression, I would tell him that it wasn't his fault at all.

"All of it," I sighed, thinking back on the events of the past day. "It was like a dream, like I was watching it all happen. But I don't think I'll ever really forget it."

"Was it that bad?" Elena's voice was quiet and I kissed her temple.

"One day, I might tell you, but for now, let's just say that I won't be watching any psychological horrors for a while," I knew that I would never tell the others what I had been through today, not properly. I might drop hints or give a vague explanation. But I would never go into detail. If I needed to get it off my chest, then I would go to Damon. But I would never burden my family with this. I would never put them through that. In an attempt to distract them, and to answer a question that had been lingering for a while, I asked, "Hey, is Stefan okay? I mean, I kind of locked him in a room at Klaus'. Not sure if he would have been punished by the hybrid if he found him."

"He's okay," Ellie muttered bitterly and I exchanged a glance with my boyfriend. The older vampire sighed and shook his head. But the conflicted look was gone from his face. He looked as though he had made up his mind.

"There's something that I need to tell you," Damon said quietly, drawing everyone's attention. He looked at my sister. "But before I do, I need you to make me a promise. That you will not use this information to influence any decision that you make. I won't tell you otherwise."

It took barely a second for my twin to nod, "I promise."

"I know that you think that Stefan's been lying to you," my boyfriend spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully. And I knew that this was to do with the conversation that we had the other day. I was finally going to find out the meaning behind his cryptic words, and I realised that I didn't know if I wanted to learn that information. Remaining oblivious might be kinder. "Which, yeah, he has, but this rough patch that you two have been going through is not what you think. There is a reason behind his shadiness. Everything that he's been doing, he's been doing to give everyone hope. And after he kills me for telling you this, don't let Alexa rip his head off."

"Killjoy," I muttered, rolling my eyes while Ellie laughed.

"There may be a way of out this for those who want it," Damon's words remained cryptic, confusing the hell out of everyone. But his next words had me freezing in my seat. "There may be a cure."

And I suddenly understood why he had made Elena make that promise. Because she was finally starting to accept me as a vampire. And now we knew that there could be a cure. Would this change everything? Would she try to force me to take it? Because I knew one thing for certain, I did not want that cure.

XXX

A/N: Darlings, no reviews :( please give me some more! And I'll keep the smut coming ;) remember, no reviews, no smut! On a different note, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. It resolved a lot of complex feelings for Alexa on previous actions, such as Heather and Esther and Bill Forbes. I hope that it came across alright, it wasn't an easy chapter! In fact, none of season 4 has been easy to write so far! Writer's block is a biiiiiitch. So please review! Until next time xoxo