Disclaimer: I only own my OCs
A/N: Oh dang, this chapter took so long to write! It didn't help that with Christmas and New Years and the 1st anniversary of my dad's death, I had no time to write. Plus, this chapter was emotionally quite difficult as a lot happened and I had to tread a fine line with Alexa's returning humanity. I hope I did a good job! And again, hopefully this is the last time that I need to write this haha, but I do love Stefan!
XXX
I was sat on the roof of the Boarding House, watching as the sun rose, when Damon found me. I shouldn't have been surprised, he had a knack for finding me, even when I didn't want to be found. He sat down next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, giving my bare feet a look before tucking me into his side.
"Ric sent me a photo of the new arrival," my boyfriend spoke softly, as the shadows below us were chased away by the sun. "He is already acting like a doting father. He wanted me to pass on his thanks. He didn't get a chance to do so before you left the hospital."
"I wasn't going to just abandon Jenna in the woods, to have her baby alone, in the cold," I shrugged a shoulder, twisting my birthday ring around my finger. "I may be a bitch, but I'm not that much of a bitch."
Damon hummed, his fingers stroking my arm, before he sighed into my hair, "He also noticed the look on your face when you held the baby."
I could practically feel him looking at the blood staining my skin, the grazes having long since healed. My hair was a mess from running my hands through it, tugging it ruthlessly. I had attempted every trick in the book to keep my humanity out. And it was only just working. I could feel it lurking under my skin, ready to break free. And it wouldn't take much to let it in.
"When I held her," I whispered into the pale morning sun. "I could feel it. I could feel my humanity fighting to return. This sweet, innocent life trusted me. She slept in my arms. After everything that I had done, this baby trusted me to look after her while she slept. It was… god, it was enough to nearly break me."
My boyfriend nodded, tugging me closer, tucking my head under his chin, "Do you know why she trusted you, Ally? Why that newly born baby trusted you, despite you being a vampire? Because you are a good person. Yes, you have done some questionable things, after being put through hell for the past couple of years. You are not a monster, Alexa."
"I would feel like one, if I turned my humanity back on," I sighed, wrapping my arms around Damon's waist, almost clinging onto him. "I came so close. But I can't. Not yet. Once Elena is back, maybe then. Maybe then, I can let it all in and suffers the consequences of my actions."
"You won't go through it alone," Damon promised me, kissing the top of my head. "I've seen it quite a few times, what a vampire goes through when they let their humanity back in. I know how to help you. The only question is, do you trust me to help you through it?"
"Of course I do," I muttered, tapping his thigh. "Right now, you're the only one I do trust. I just can't let myself believe that the others won't judge me for what I have done, even if they only know the bare minimum."
"And that is all they will ever know. If you don't want them to know the full extent of the past couple of months, then they don't have to. It's up to you, how much you share with them."
"I just don't want them to hate me. If they do, then why would I want to turn it back on?"
"They won't hate you, Alexa," my boyfriend said into my hair, his grip tight as he held me close. "Yes, they have been disappointed in some of your decisions, but they don't hate you. And they never will."
"I just know that they will expect the old Alexa to return when I do let my humanity back in. But I don't think that's possible. I've been through too much to return to how I was. Elena's death changed me forever, I just don't know how yet."
Damon was silent for a moment before murmuring, "No one stays exactly the same throughout their life. As a vampire, you will find that you change several times, adapting to your new life as well as coping with what has happened to you. Normally these changes happen over time, but you've been through so much in such a short amount of time, its only natural that you find yourself evolving to cope with those experiences. The others will understand. And most of them will be grateful that you are still with them."
"You seem awfully optimistic. Who are you and what have you done with my Damon?"
"Maybe I just want my girlfriend to feel better," my boyfriend tapped my nose when I tilted my head back to look him in the face. "I've been through this before. Although, I suppose I was lucky that I only had a brother that had already given up on me."
"Babe, that's just really sad," my lips quirked up into a smile as I placed my hand on his cheek. "And I'm sure that Stefan hadn't really given up on you…" I trailed off before wincing. I remembered the younger Salvatore's attitude. The little lecture that he gave me on how evil his brother was. It was easy to see why Damon had assumed that Stefan had given up on him.
"Stefan probably had every right to give up on me back then," Damon shrugged, resting his hand on mine. "But it doesn't matter. The important thing is that you won't be alone through any of it. I will be there to help you through it, every step of the way. Even the ugly stage when it all comes rushing back in."
"Yeah, I nearly experienced that yesterday," I shook my head. "That absolutely sucked. I'm amazed that I didn't get overwhelmed by it all and managed to get those walls back up."
"You're just delightfully stubborn like that," my boyfriend rolled his eyes and I couldn't help but laugh.
XXX
When Damon was summoned away to do Council stuff, my quiet morning was rudely ruined by Caroline. The blonde had arrived, a determined look on her face, hair bouncing as she grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of the Boarding House. She wrestled me into her car before driving us to town. I didn't bother asking where we were going. I didn't really have the energy to. It was taking all of my effort to keep my humanity locked away. Actually caring about anything else just felt beyond me.
Caroline left me outside the Grill with strict instructions to find a table before disappearing back to her car. I looked around at all the empty tables before rolling my eyes and sitting down at the closest one. If I was being honest, I was surprised that the blonde wanted to be anywhere near me. But I guess she was a convenient distraction from the chaos in my heart.
I ordered coffees for us both just before Caroline reappeared. She plonked down a couple of boxes to the side before beaming, "Look, I know you've gone through a lot, but I thought, what with Jenna having her baby and graduation right around the corner, I thought that just taking some time out might be a good idea."
"Caroline, I do believe that the last time you saw me, you called me a raging bitch. Why on earth would you want to spend time with me? Did Damon ask you to?" I squinted at the other vampire as she pulled out a stack of graduation cards, passing me a pile of my own before uncapping one of her fancier pens.
"No, he didn't ask me to babysit you," the blonde rolled her eyes, keeping her gaze on the table. "I just… with Zoe being born and Elena missing it, I just figured that you would need to spend some time with a friend."
I continued to stare at Caroline through narrowed eyes but she kept her attention on the cards that she was writing. To be honest, it was nice to not be alone. Not that I would tell the girl in front of me. So I just made a show of scoffing before grabbing one of the graduation cards that she passed me.
I quickly scanned the generic message before rolling my eyes. I snorted before writing 'Klaus' at the top. If I was going to write cards for a graduation that I didn't care about, then I was going to be a bitch about it.
'So, shithead, you ditched town, leaving Katherine alive and for me to deal with. That was not cool and you fucking owe me. Since I am apparently graduating, why don't you do something decent for the first time in your life and give me the best possible graduation gift: her head on a silver platter. I would be willing to compromise and accept her heart.
Yours Never,
Alexa'
I really had no idea where he was staying in New Orleans, but I had heard Rebekah mention something about the French Quarter. So I just picked the most obnoxious address that I could find and put it down. If he had as big a reputation in that town as Rebekah had claimed, then it would find its way to him. If not, then I didn't particularly care.
I wrote a few more, one to Elijah, another to our family friends in Denver and then to Jenna and her little group of friends. I was writing them more for the sake of writing them, rather than actually caring. But if I was writing inane words on a piece of card, then I wasn't thinking. And if I wasn't thinking, then I wouldn't let my emotions take over, leading to my humanity forcing its way back in. That was my only aim for the day. Don't let my humanity return. I could worry about tomorrow when it came. One day at a time.
I placed the stamp on my final letter before placing it to the side. I stared down at the names on the letters, before letting out a tiny sigh and looking away. Even a year ago, my pile would have been larger. And Elena would have added her own letters to it. But so much had changed, and there was no point in remembering what had been or thinking about what could have been.
"Stamp, please," Caroline held out her hand as she finished off the address on the card in front of her. I glanced up at her before rolling my eyes and ripping off one of the stamps. I dropped it in her hand before placing the lid on my pen. "Thank you."
The blonde continued to be distracted until I compelled the waitress into bringing me a glass of whiskey. She looked up at me, a frown on her face, as she saw my completed cards placed to the side, my pen discarded, "You're done? I'm only on my second batch."
"Apparently I just don't have as many loved ones as you do," I sighed, downing half of my drink when it came. "Besides, what's the point in caring about graduation? We're immortal, silly little things like this shouldn't matter."
"You're just saying that because Elena isn't here," the other vampire shook her head. "If your humanity was on and Elena here, then you would care that we have finally reached graduation. It's a big deal."
"Not for me," I muttered, tapping my nails against the glass. "I stopped caring about graduation when I turned into a vampire. I just went through the motions for the sake of my family. But what's the point? I'll have to leave town soon and I won't be able to take a high school diploma with me. I'll have to start a fresh, and that definitely won't include high school."
"But this is different. Your family will be here, do it for them. They care about you and want to see you graduate."
"They would rather see Elena graduate, not me. But since I probably won't be able to give that to them, then why should they settle for me?"
"Because they love you, Alexa. We all do. I just hope that you remember that one day."
XXX
I left Caroline to her stack of graduation cards and retreated inside, taking a seat at a booth in the corner. I compelled the waitress to get me a bottle of whiskey, glass optional, before I placed my feet on the other side of the booth and closed my eyes. My entire body felt on edge. There was a buzzing beneath my skin and I just couldn't keep still. My fingers tapped against the table as I tried to focus on the noise around me, and not the noise in my head.
It was easier when my bottle arrived, although it wasn't brought over by the waitress. Instead, I heard my brother's voice as the bottle was placed on the table, followed by two glasses. I cracked open an eye, eyebrow raised as I looked at the second glass, "Bit presumptuous of you to think that I will share my booze with you."
"You won't deny me," the kid snorted confidently, nudging my feet to the side as he sat down opposite me. I rolled my eyes and sat up, grabbing the bottle and filling both glasses. I knew that Jeremy shouldn't be drinking, but I also didn't care. If the kid wanted to drink in public, then it wasn't my problem.
"I should with that attitude," I muttered, nudging the second glass over to him before grabbing my own. My nails tapped against it, a nonsensical pattern. One that had my brother twitching. "But luckily for you, I just don't care enough to."
Jeremy narrowed his eyes, staring at me intently, his glass forgotten, before reaching out. He placed his hand over mine, stopping my fingers from tapping. I glanced up, looking into those warm brown eyes, so much like Elena's, so much like our mom's. There was a reason why I had avoided him so much. Just like baby Zoe, my brother would be able to get me to turn my humanity back on. And I just wasn't ready for that.
"Lexa, just let it back in," my brother said softly, his thumb stroking the back of my hand. "It's okay to let it in again. You don't need to afraid of it. I'll be there to help you through it. So will Jenna and Ric."
"But what about Elena?" I sighed, shaking my head. But I didn't move my hand away. There was something comforting about his human warmth. It brought back so many memories. Apart from his emo teenage phase, my brother was not one to shy away from physical contact. Yes, he put up a good fight, pretending that it was an inconvenience, but he never pushed me away.
"Yeah, it hurts without Elena," Jeremy nodded, a pained look in his eyes as he remembered our missing sister. "But it hurts without you too, Lexa. I lost two sisters on that island, but I can get one of them back."
"I might be able to bring Elena back for you too."
"But at what cost? I know why you've been resisting letting it all back in. Yeah, I don't know exactly what you have done, but I know that its bad enough that you don't want your humanity back, so you can avoid the guilt that would come with it."
I used my other hand to take my glass, keeping my hand under my brother's. I downed the drink, the burn from the drink distracting me from the burning in my heart. I placed the cool glass against my forehead, closing my eyes and muttering curses under my breath. Damn, I should never have let Caroline drag me from the Boarding House. It was so much easier when I could just hide there, avoiding emotional conversations with my family. I could feel that very thin barrier around my humanity cracking further. It wouldn't be too much longer until it crashed through. And I just wasn't ready for that. But I wasn't strong enough to strengthen those barriers. I would have to do things that I just wasn't up to. God, this was such a shitty situation.
Jeremy generously refilled my glass while I shook my head, "I need to bring Elena back before I deal with all of that. It was the reason why I turned it off in the first place. If I let it back in and our sister isn't alive, then everything that I did would have been for nothing. And god, I can't let it be for nothing."
"I don't care about any of that, I just want my big sister back," the kid muttered, looking down at the table. I downed my drink before cursing under my breath. I placed the glass down with a thud before moving to the other side of the booth. Jeremy glanced up at me, eyes wide, before I pulled him into my arms.
I pressed his head against my shoulder as I muttered into his hair, "I am so fucking close to breaking, Jer. But I just can't. Not yet, but I don't know how long I can stop it from happening. You being so adorable isn't helping."
My brother wrapped his arms around my waist, his body relaxing against mine. He stayed silent for a moment, and I concentrated on the sound of his heart. I knew that I had come close to losing him on the island. Katherine could have quite easily chosen my brother to feed to Silas, instead of my sister. I don't know if that would have been worse. Jeremy was so full of innocence, even now, after everything. He deserved to live a full, happy life.
"I can't help that I am adorable," he eventually murmured, his lips curling up into a smirk as I sighed dramatically. I knew that if I looked down, I would see his eyes, full of mischief, looking up at me. Reminding me of how it was before. How we used to tease each other, tease Elena. How it was before I turned into a vampire. Before the supernatural entered our lives. Before our parents died. Before life turned to shit.
XXX
After a while, my brother took pity on me. He let me run away from my slowly returning humanity to play darts. He moved to sit at the table next to me, keeping my glass refilled. It was enough to settle the itching under my skin. Even if it was just for a moment.
The little shit kept up a running commentary of my game, blinking at me innocently whenever I turned around to give him a look. We both knew what he was doing. By acting like we used to, the kid was reminding me of what life was like when I had my humanity. And he was trying to draw it back out. He was coming painfully close.
Every now and then, Jeremy would glance behind us, towards the bar. Matt was working today. The poor boy was also dealing with the two main blondes in our life. Rebekah was doing her usual and flirting with the blue-eyed cutie, while Caroline had come inside to keep an eye on me. Of course, the sudden change in weather didn't help.
Just over an hour ago, the wind had started to pick up. Now, it sounded like there was a full on storm out there. It did not sound like fun and if it wasn't for the storm, then I would have been tempted to just leave. Of course, my brother wouldn't have liked that. But I would have dropped him off home before I retreated back to the Boarding House to drain Damon's wine supply dry.
"Is it supposed to rain tonight?" Caroline asked, watching as a couple forced their way inside, hair whipping around their faces.
"Do I look like a meteorologist?" Rebekah rolled her eyes as she stared at her phone. The younger vampire gave her a dirty look before practically felt her gaze digging into my head. The trio at the bar had continued to watch me, even after Jeremy had waved them away.
With a tiny scoff, Caroline shook her head before asking, "Is Jeremy okay with her? She seems more tense then she did before."
"If anyone can deal with her, it's Jeremy," the Original sighed, sounding thoroughly fed up with the other blonde. "But if it bothers you that much, then let me go and check on them."
Before Caroline could let out any protests, Rebekah grabbed a fresh bottle from the bar and strode over. I rolled my eyes at the clicking of her heels before throwing the dart in my hand. It hit the edge of the board and Jeremy let out a snicker. As I gave him a dirty look, Rebekah placed the bottle and a shot glass on the table next to him. She filled up the glass before passing it over, "Drink. You're putting every on edge and I don't know how much longer Caroline will resist the urge to take Jeremy away from you."
"She is in more danger than Jeremy is," I scoffed, downing the shot before giving back the glass. I walked over to the board, removing the darts before resuming my original position. I continued to throw, the repeated movement soothing the itching under my skin.
"So, what's the deal?" the Original asked, taking a seat next to my brother. "I assumed that you would have turned it back on after Jenna had her baby. And yet, Caroline seems determined to keep on calling you a raging bitch."
"She's close to turning it back on," Jeremy unhelpfully replied, ignoring my dirty look to fill up his glass. The kid had drunk a tad too much, but I just couldn't bring myself to care. He had been through far too much and if he wanted to get tipsy, then I would let him get tipsy. "She's just fighting it."
I threw another dart, watching in satisfaction as it hit the bullseye. I could hear someone else approaching and judging from the perfume, it was the other blonde vampire in town. So I just focused on my darts and throwing them at the board. And not anyone else. Because I just didn't know if I could be that person anymore.
"So why don't you just turn it back on?" the Original frowned, glancing between me and my brother. But before she could answer, the new arrival piped up.
"Because she's too scared to," Caroline sighed, resting a hand on Jeremy's shoulder. "It was the same with Stefan when he turned his humanity back on. He was ashamed of what he had done and he was scared to let it all back in. The shame, the guilt, the fear of rejection. Running away from it is apparently the natural thing to do."
"Don't judge people for something that you've never experienced," I rolled my eyes, throwing my dart with a bit too much force. I strode forward to grab the darts before turning around. "Not everyone is as perfect as you, Caroline. Although you aren't as hypocritical as Stefan. He's been preaching to me about turning my humanity off when he did the same just last year."
"He just wanted to help you," the younger blonde said softly.
"Torturing me isn't helping me," I snorted before there was a sharp pain on my palm. I unclenched my fist, not that I could remember clenching it, and glanced down to see the tip of the dart digging into my skin. Blood immediately began to form as I threw the dart to the side. The pain was already fading and I knew that the tiny wound would heal quickly.
Fortunately, before Caroline could say anything else, the lights went out. There were a few panicked screams and I immediately stepped forward, pushing Caroline out the way so that I could draw my brother into my side. As I checked on the kid, everyone else in the Grill bolted. Caroline said something about going outside to investigate, with Matt and Rebekah following her. The other patrons just wanted to get the fuck out. To be honest, I didn't give a fuck as to what they did, all I cared about was keeping my brother safe.
XXX
A phone call from Damon had told me all that I needed to know. Bonnie had been lying to everyone about needing the full moon to drop the veil. The sneaky little witch as doing it now. She had been going around to the points of the expression triangle and was now right in the middle. And where is the middle, I hear you ask. Oh, only at our high school. Because where else would it be?
I had dropped Jeremy off home, despite his protests, before going to the school. Fortunately Alaric had helped to keep the kid inside. And the fact that Jenna was at home with the baby helped. Because someone needed to be around to protect them.
Caroline had gone straight to the school. She had called me when she got there, asking if she should wait outside for me. But I told her to go inside and start looking for Bonnie. There was no point in her hanging around, waiting for me. The sooner that we found the witch, the sooner we could stop all this nonsense. And, of course, the sooner that I could throttle her for lying to me. I was so close to getting Elena back and I was not impressed that she had lied to me. Elena could have been back for Zoe being born. She had been denied that. My family had been denied that. And I was not particularly impressed by that. Bonnie would be hearing from me, regarding that betrayal.
The moment that I got to the school and stepped out the car, the wind swarmed around me, battering and blustering and just being a pain in the ass. My hair blew into my face as I looked around. I could see Caroline's car, but Bonnie's was nowhere to be seen. I was positive that the witch was here. If she had been messing with the points on the expression triangle, then she would need to drop the veil quickly. Because Silas would not be happy if he discovered that she was lying to him.
As was quickly proved when I was shoved back against my car. A strong hand wrapped around my neck as blonde hair blew into my face. I frowned as Caroline glared down at me, a look of pure fury on her face. One that seemed out of place.
But it wasn't Caroline.
"Did you know that she was lying?!"
"Silas," I breathed out, the wind stealing my voice, before I shouted, "Where is Caroline? What did you do with her?"
"She's still alive, just out of the way," the immortal snarled, his grip on my throat tightening. I reached up to grab his wrist, squeezing hard. "Did you know that Bonnie didn't need the full moon to drop the veil?"
"Of course I didn't fucking know! Do you really think that I wouldn't have forced her to do it sooner, to give me back my sister sooner, if I knew?! She lied to us both."
"And she will pay for that," Silas was practically vibrating with rage. Apparently he didn't take betrayal very well. It was handy to know, since I was willing to betray him if Bonnie was able to give me back Elena. "Did she tell you that she was planning on betraying me? What is she planning?"
"She was acting suspiciously, I just assumed that she wanted to avoid your odious presence," I snapped back, shoving the immortal away. Silas took a step back, but he was still far too close for my liking. "Not that I can blame her, you are not a pleasant person to be around."
"You think that I'm bad now?" Silas laughed, a cold sound, one that sent shivers down my spine. "You haven't seen anything yet."
"Don't you dare hurt her!"
"What's the matter, Alexandria," the immortal smirked, a dangerous look in his eye. One that just looked wrong on Caroline's face. "Are you growing a conscience?"
I ignored his little dig to repeat my previous words, "Don't you dare hurt her."
"You won't stop me," Silas stepped forward, fingers tangling in my hair, yanking my head back. He leant forward, the smell of Caroline's perfume overwhelming my senses, to whisper into my ear, "Because if you do, I will wait for Bonnie to drop the veil. And then I will find your sister and kill her. Then you will never get her back." I shoved him back, narrowing my eyes at the cruel smirk on his lips. "So you will not tell anyone that I am here. You know what the consequences will be if you betray me."
With those chilling words, the immortal disappeared from my sight. I leant back against the car, staring at where he once stood before screaming out, "Fuck!"
I kicked the wheel of my car, ignored the noise that the car made, and dropped to my knees. What do I do? Do I go and save Bonnie? Protect her from Silas' wrath, stop him from hurting her for her betrayal? Or do I stay out of it and keep my sister alive. Because I believed the immortal when he said that he would kill her. He would take her from me, permanently. And as much as I adored Bonnie, even with my humanity still locked away, I just couldn't face losing Elena. I had worked so hard to find a way to bring her back, to bring her back to life. I couldn't risk all of that now. Not even for Bonnie Bennett.
So with a despondent groan, I slammed my fist down onto the ground, ignoring the way the skin of my knuckles split open, staining my hand with blood. I just continued to pound the ground, taking all of my frustration out on the tarmac. It was easier than opening up to the pain lurking deep within.
I slumped back against the car, my hand already healing, leaving behind nothing but bloodstains and whispered, "I'm sorry, Bonnie."
XXX
It wasn't until I heard the sound of a car, the light of the headlights illuminating the growing darkness, that I pushed myself to my feet. I wiped my hand on the back of my jeans, getting rid of the blood that stained my skin. I had a feeling as to who it was in the car and I couldn't let either of them see the blood that was on my skin. Because they would ask questions. Questions that I couldn't answer.
The wind was still whipping around us, sucking up all the noise, a deafening sound. The sky above us was turning dark, either from the storm or because the day was turning late. It was hard to tell which. But I didn't care. All I cared about was stalling the Salvatore brothers. Because if Silas got his revenge, if he found Bonnie and made her pay for her betrayal, then he would leave Elena alone. He might even bring her back to me. And it was only possible because my humanity was yet to break its way back in. I just needed to hold it out for a little longer.
The Camaro pulled up beside me, the engine cutting off just before the brothers climbed out of the car. Damon was immediately by my side, his hand resting on my back as he stared down at me with worried eyes, while Stefan stayed by the car. He watched me through careful eyes before asking, raising his voice to be heard over the wind, "Where's Caroline?"
"I told her to go inside and look for Bonnie," I replied, crossing my arms as I hid the clenching of my fists. It wasn't Caroline in there, and it killed me that I didn't know where she was. And that I was about to send Stefan inside to Silas. But he could keep the younger Salvatore distracted while they searched for the witch. I just had to hope that he didn't hurt him when they discovered Bonnie's location. "Go and find her, you can search for Bonnie together. Damon and I can check out here, just in case she found somewhere away from the wind."
Stefan nodded, "Alright, let me know if you find anything."
I dug my nails into my palms as I watched the younger brother walk towards the school. He would be fine; Silas wouldn't hurt him. He needed him to find Bonnie. Stefan would be fine. I wasn't sending him to his doom. He would be fine. God, I just wished that I believed it.
I was so distracted by my thoughts that I wasn't aware of my boyfriend standing in front of me until he cupped my face, "Hey, are you okay?"
I nodded, being careful not to dislodge his hands, "I'm fine. This wind is just annoying!"
"Come on, let's head inside."
My heart clenched in my chest. While I was forcing myself to believe that Silas wouldn't hurt Stefan, I couldn't play that trick when it came to Damon. I couldn't risk him getting hurt. I had to keep my boyfriend safe. So I shook my head, reaching up to grab his wrists, "Shouldn't we check out here for Bonnie? She might have found somewhere away from the wind."
Damon glanced around before shaking his head, "The only protection from this is inside."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. Besides, her new buddy wouldn't be too happy about being out here."
"Oh, and who's that?"
"Katherine."
"Katherine?!" I exclaimed, pausing as Damon tried to steer me towards the entrance. I stared at him with wide eyes, my hands clenching into fists at the thought of the bitch who killed my sister. "What the fuck is she doing with Katherine?"
"I don't know," my boyfriend sighed, a regretful look on his face as he stepped closer to me. His face moved closed to mine, so that we could hear each other over the wind. "Maybe she found out about this little plan and Bonnie had to keep her close. Maybe Katherine has something that she needs. Once we find her, I'll let you ask as many questions as you want."
"I don't particularly want to deal with Katherine," I screwed up my nose.
"Well, luckily for you, Ric is on his way and he can deal with her for you."
"Jeremy isn't though, is he?" I asked, my heart clenching in my chest. I had taken the kid home, so that he would be safe. And that was before I knew that Silas was lurking like a bad smell. I couldn't let him come now. He had to be safe. If anything happened to him, it would be game over for me. Either my humanity would never come back or it would all come crashing in, an unstoppable wave that would consume me. And I would be useless to everyone if that happened.
"No, he's at home with Jenna. Ric was very insistent that he stay where it's safe, just like you. You don't need to worry about him, Ally."
"Thank god for that," I sighed, shaking my head. "I don't need to be worrying about anyone else."
Damon gave me a sympathetic look before wrapping his arm around my shoulders and directing me towards the school. I let him, my mind whirring, keeping me distracted. While my brother was safe, since Silas was at the school and unlikely to target him, I still had a lot of people to worry about. Caroline was god knows where, although it was safe to assume that she was hidden away somewhere so that Silas could use her form without worry. Bonnie was the immortal's target, and he would punish her for her betrayal. And I couldn't even help her, because my sister would be in danger. And I hadn't mutilated my soul only for her to die by Silas's hand, again. If I kept Damon with me, then he would be fine. God only knows about Stefan, I just had to hope that Silas was more concerned about his revenge than hurting the younger Salvatore.
Ugh, this was so much easier when my humanity was firmly locked away and I didn't worry about people.
XXX
We searched the school, looking in classrooms and listening out for the witch. But there was no sign of Bonnie. I knew that it wouldn't be that easy. Bonnie would not let herself be found easily. She would hide herself away until she was ready to be found. After whatever it was that she was planning.
This must have frustrated the other half of the search party, as we soon received a call from Stefan. While we had been searching, Stefan and the in-disguise Silas had covered quite a wide area, only to come up empty. It was then that the younger Salvatore realised that the school wasn't the only thing in this spot. No, those pesky little tunnels wound their way beneath the school. And it was Stefan's opinion that Bonnie was down there somewhere.
He told his brother his theory, before lamenting that he didn't quite know how to access the tunnels from the school. And since time was of the essence, since Silas would want the witch, they didn't have time to go around to the edge of town to use the entrances there. Of course, they didn't know that Silas was actually in the school with us, but I wasn't going to tell them that.
"If I remember correctly, I think there's an entrance in the basement," my boyfriend replied, glancing over at me as I continued to look around the hallway, peering into rooms as we passed them.
"Well, where's the basement?" Stefan asked, as I heard Silas speaking in the background, Caroline's voice echoing down the line. They commented on the unknown location to the basement. I was surprised. The basement wasn't exactly hard to find, or maybe I just knew where it was because I used to sneak in there with Luke to make out. It was a private and secluded spot, where you weren't likely to be interrupted.
"You need to go into the boiler room," I spoke up, making sure to raise my voice so that Stefan could hear me. "There is a door in there that leads to the basement. Shouldn't be too hard to find."
"You hear that?" Damon confirmed with his brother, ready to repeat my words if needed.
"Alright, I'll meet you there," the younger brother sighed down the phone before Damon hung up the call. He stared down at his phone for a moment before shaking his head and tucking his phone into his pocket.
"You know we need to stop Bonnie from doing that spell, right?" my boyfriend turned around to look at me. He placed his hands on my shoulders before slowly turning me to face him.
"You know that I'm going to have to disagree with that, right?" I raised an eyebrow, reaching up to grab Damon's wrists. I understood his point. If Bonnie went through with her spell, then all hell would be unleashed. Our dead enemies would return, so many people would be in danger. God knows who would decide to return for revenge. So yes, the smart thing would be to stop Bonnie.
But that would mean that Elena remains on the other side, gone forever. I would fail in my promise to bring her back. I would lose my sister permanently. And after everything that I had done, after turning off my humanity and becoming a monster, I couldn't let that happen. No, I needed Bonnie to complete her spell. I needed it all to be worth. I needed all of the bloodshed to be worth it.
"I want you to get your sister back, Ally," Damon's hands moved from my shoulders to my face, thumbs stroking my cheeks. "But there are so many people on the other side that would want to hurt you. And I can't let that happen."
"All I need is for Bonnie to drop that veil for a short amount of time, then either her or Silas can do a spell to bring Elena back permanently. Then all of you can stop Bonnie as much as you want, I won't care after that."
"Can they really bring Elena back for good?" my boyfriend looked doubtful and to be honest, I couldn't blame him. If Bonnie really had that power, then why didn't she bring Elena back sooner? But from what the witch had told me, there was a difference between bringing someone back if the veil was lowered, compared to just bringing someone back to life. Which was why I needed that veil lowered. Consequences be damned.
"She can," I nodded, stepping closer to Damon, wrapping my arms around his neck. My boyfriend's hands moved to my hips, tugging me even closer. "And if she fails me, then Silas has promised me that he will do it instead. All I need to do, is not betray him."
"Did you make another deal with him?" my boyfriend asked, raising an eyebrow, an unimpressed look on his face.
I winced, "Trust me, baby, you don't want to know. Just… believe me when I say that it will all work out. No one will get hurt but everything will get what they want."
Damon sighed and shook his head, "You know, you're going to get me into a lot of trouble."
"I don't know why," I rolled my eyes. "I'll be making everyone happy. Like, why would Stefan be fighting me on this? I'll be bringing Elena back into his life, the girl that he claimed to love at one point. Hell, the one he probably still loves. He should be thanking me for getting my hands dirty."
"Stefan cares about the collateral damage," my boyfriend's lips quirked up into a small smile.
"Oh to be privileged enough to be able to care about the collateral," I muttered, shaking my head. "I'll only care about the collateral if I get what I need. As far as I am concerned, my sister is worth a thousand lives. Especially when I have ensured that safety of the rest of my family."
Damon remained silent at my words.
XXX
"Am I interrupting?" an amused voice asked as Damon and I continued to stare at each other. I knew that my boyfriend was not pleased with my words, but he also knew that only my sister's return would make me happy, would make me willing to let my humanity back in. And Damon had always done what was needed to make me happy. He just had to battle against the demands of everyone else. Particularly his brother.
"Always," I shook my head, turning to look at Alaric when Damon remained silent. The enhanced Original leant against the lockers at the end of the corridor, eyebrow raised as he stared at us. I didn't know how much he had heard, but he wasn't looking at me with that very annoying disappointed look that he had perfected, so I would guess that he didn't hear anything. Which meant that my plan could still work. Especially since it didn't seem as though Damon would try to stop me. "Jeremy and Jenna?"
"Are safe at home," Alaric instantly responded, moving away from the lockers and approaching us. As the man got closer, Damon shook his head, focusing his attention on his friend and not my immoral actions and the horrific risk that they posed. "You don't need to worry about them."
"I've heard that one before," I muttered, rolling my eyes as my boyfriend held out his hand, ordering Alaric to halt. I frowned and glanced up at Damon. But he kept his gaze on the other vampire. I knew that he tended to get a bit overprotective, and it was probably even worse than normal, now that he knew that I had tied myself to Silas with a second deal.
"You got here quicker than I was expecting," Damon narrowed his eyes, gently pushing me behind him with his free hand. I rolled my eyes but did as was expected. I was just surprised that he hadn't ordered me away to safety, until he had confirmed that it was actually Alaric and not the pesky immortal that was haunting our town.
"I've done this journey a thousand times, Damon," the other man shook his head, a tolerant look on his face. He knew that Silas had the ability to copy faces and these days, it was wise to be suspicious of new arrivals. Of course, I knew that this was actually Alaric, as Silas was currently pretending to be Caroline. But I couldn't let the other two know that. It was bad enough that I hadn't told anyone, if it did come out, I wasn't sure if that would mark me as beyond forgiveness. "I know how to get here quickly, especially if it is an emergency."
His words didn't reassure my boyfriend at all. Instead, he just kept me behind him, staring at the enhanced Original, studying his every movement, "Prove it."
"You think that I'm Silas?" Alaric raised an eyebrow. "Are you kidding me?"
"See, now this puts us in a bit of a pickle, because that is exactly what Silas would say," Damon retorted, his body tense. "And I know for a fact that he will be here, since the witch decided to be sneaky and betray him."
Fortunately for me, my boyfriend left out the part where I had made a deal, two deals, with the immortal menace. Oh, I knew that he hadn't forgotten about them. But he would save his confrontation for when we got somewhere private. Because I knew that if anyone else found out, then I would be lectured to death. And then I would be tempted to start snapping necks again. So really, it was better for everyone if no one else found out what I had done.
Alaric paused for a moment before nodding. He stepped to the side, eyes scanning the lockers, before he hit one with his fist. It immediately sprung open on silent hinges. The teacher gave a happy nod before pulling out a bottle of bourbon. He held it up in victory, a pleased smile on his face, "Now, would Silas know about Locker 42?"
Damon stared at the bottle for a moment before grinning, "I know that Alexa didn't do it the right way, but damn am I glad to have you around right now."
"The feeling is mutual," Alaric laughed, walking over and passing Damon the bottle. "You might want to hurry up and find Bonnie though. Judging from the lack of wind outside, I have a feeling that she might have dropped the veil."
"Damn, already?" I raised an eyebrow, glancing around. I was surprised that the witch had done it so quickly, but then again, Bonnie wasn't stupid. She must have known that as soon as she started the spell, Silas would be after her. It benefitted her to do it quickly.
"Well, not completely," Alaric shrugged, accepting the bottle back from Damon. "It's only down inside the expression triangle. If a ghost steps outside of it, then it's back to ghost world."
"Well, then where is everybody?" my boyfriend frowned, looking around. "I figured that with the veil down, it'd be like Ghost-a-palooza."
"Well, not every ghost has a reason to come back to Mystic Falls," Alaric answered, glancing behind me. A soft smile formed on his face, one that had me freezing. I just knew who it was that stood behind me. I could smell that painfully familiar perfume. I could feel that familiar warmth. I could hear the heartbeat that I had memorized.
"Just the ones like me, who have to look out for their ridiculously stubborn baby sister," that painfully familiar sweet voice said, a smile clear in their voice.
My entire body tensed up, my hands curling into fists, shaking at my side. I stared at Alaric with wide eyes before whispering, "I'm not ready."
Alaric glanced over at my boyfriend, who was watching me with worried eyes. But before either of them could say a word, I disappeared, using my vampire speed to get me away from my biggest weakness and most painful strength.
XXX
"Fuck!"
I slammed the door to the basement behind me, ignoring the bang as it hit the wall. I knew that the others could find me, if they wanted to. But judging from the fact that I was still alone, Damon had probably warned them off of following me. Which was for the best. Because I honestly didn't know how I would react.
My hands shook, clenched into fists, as I aimed a punch at the cupboard by the entrance. The wood immediately snapped in half, the door hanging sadly on its hinges, creaking slowly. But this didn't help. It didn't stop the whirlwind of emotion that was threatening to explode. My heart squeezed inside my chest as I let out another scream, thumping my chest, trying to force the emotion out.
I knew what was happening. My humanity was trying to force its way back in. The cracks in the wall surrounding it were growing bigger, letting more of it back in. And I just couldn't let that happen. I needed to remain like this, a monster, capable of anything. If I let my humanity back in, then it was game over. I wouldn't be able to do what was necessary to keep Elena in the land of the living. And if I failed, then it was over. I had destroyed myself for nothing.
With a frustrated cry, I grabbed the bottom half of the door, ripping it off its hinges. I squeezed it hard, the wood cracking in my hands, before throwing it across the room. The already weakened wood shattered against the wall, but I didn't pay attention. Instead, I stared at the open grate across from me. The grate that led down into the tunnels. To where Bonnie was.
Bonnie.
I needed to find Bonnie now. If I found her before it was too late, then I could force her into doing the spell that would bring Elena back permanently. Before she dropped the veil. I could bring my sister back. But I had to do it before I broke. Because I could already tell that when my humanity finally forced its way back in, and damn, it wouldn't be long until that happened, it wouldn't be pretty. I had been running from my grief and pain and guilt for so long, that it had just built up. I would destroy me when I was finally forced to confront it. I just needed Elena back before I could.
I sped over to the grate, ignoring the pain in my heart, and peered inside. The tunnels were dark, but thanks to my superior eyesight, I was able to see inside. I glanced around, making sure that no pesky ghosts had snuck up behind me, before jumping down inside.
The moment my feet hit the floor, I paused, listening intently. I didn't know which direction Bonnie was in, but I knew that she had to be close. There weren't many tunnels below the school, so I didn't have much ground to search. But I did know that there were a couple of levels. It was probably safe to assume that she would be further below ground, but I had to make sure. I didn't know how much time I had left, before my humanity forced its way back in, before Silas found the witch and exacted his revenge for her betrayal, before Bonnie completed whatever it was that she was up to and raised the veil. So I needed to move quickly.
Fortunately, before I gave up and just started searching, I heard the clicking of heels. I knew for a fact that Bonnie didn't wear heels like that outside of formal events. The Caroline disguise that Silas was wearing didn't have heels like that. Which meant that it was the bane of my existence. Damon had said that she was lurking around the friendly neighbourhood witch. Guess the bitch was still hanging around, even down here.
I focused on the sound of Katherine's heels, making my way through the tunnels towards them. Luckily for me, I didn't have far to go before I found her. The bitch was standing just outside one of the large caverns that were dotted around the tunnels. It was obvious that Bonnie was inside, as the room was practically illuminated by candles, casting a warm glow. Katherine's body cast a shadow on the floor as she looked around.
I paused, stepping back against the wall, as she started to move in my direction. In an ideal world, I would be able to sneak past her. Because the last thing that I needed was to deal with the bitch. In the mood that I was in, I got the feeling that neither of us would walk away unscathed. And I just didn't have time for that. My priority was Elena, and that meant talking to Bonnie. Katherine would just waste my time.
"Silas," the doppelganger purred, peering down the tunnel, eyes narrowed, before she turned around to face the other direction. "Come and get me…"
Apparently content that there was nothing in my direction, Katherine began to walk in the other direction. I waited for her to pass the entrance to the cavern before slowly moving forward. I was thankful that I wasn't wearing heels for once, as it meant that I was able to tread quietly, slowly placing my feet on the floor, one step at a time.
I didn't know what gave me away, but just as I reached the entrance to the cavern, a forceful hand pushed me back against the rocky wall. My head bounced off of the rock, the sharp pain helping me to focus through the emotional whirlwind within me, before I glared at the bitch opposite me. Katherine smirked down at me, hands pressed against my shoulders, forcing my body against the wall, "Hello, Alexa."
"Fuck off, Katherine," I spat, reaching up to grab her wrists, trying to push her away. "I don't have time for you."
"Aw, I'm sorry," the doppelganger mock pouted, before grabbing me and shoving me further down the tunnel, back towards the school. "But I'm afraid that Bonnie is too busy for you."
XXX
Thanks to Katherine strength, she was able to force me back up the tunnel and into the basement. I tried to fight, to force my way past her to Bonnie. But the turmoil in my head and heart made it hard to fight her strength. I wasn't able to get past her. As I tried to push past her again, the bitch threw me threw the wall, into the boiler room.
I laid on the floor for a moment, before my anger took over. I pushed myself to my feet, narrowing my eyes at the doppelganger as she sauntered through the new hole in the wall. She picked at her nails before sighing dramatically, "You know, you really are a thorn in my side. Why can't you just leave me alone?"
"Leave you alone?!" I spat, standing in front of her, eyes darting to the side. I knew that I wouldn't be able to get to Bonnie until I deal with Katherine. It was time that I didn't have to waste, but the thought of ripping the bitch's head off was a pleasant one. "You're the one that just won't fuck off. God, why did you even come back to Mystic Falls?"
"You ruined my life in Willoughby," Katherine shrugged, her body shifting with mine. "You know, you really should have killed me then. Because now, I will make sure to ruin your life."
"You murdered my sister, what else can you possibly do to me?" I rolled my eyes, hands curling into fists as I got ready to push myself forward.
"I can kill you," the bitch smirked, arrogance oozing from her expression. She assumed that I wouldn't hurt her. That I wasn't strong enough. But I wasn't trying to fight her before. I was trying to get to Bonnie. But now? Nah, now I would rip her apart. I would make her scream.
"Try it."
I sped forward, somehow managing to catch Katherine off guard. I grabbed a fistful of her hair before shoving her head towards the hot pipes that were dotted around the room. The bitch let out a scream as I pressed her face against the scalding hot pipe. Her skin sizzled, steam rising, as I forced her to feel just an iota of the pain that I had felt, at the sight of my sister's body.
"You're right," I growled over the sounds of her screams. "I should have killed you back in Willoughby. But don't worry, darling, I'll kill you now."
"The veil is down," Katherine managed to groan out, her hand coming back to swipe at me while the other reached up to grab the hand tangled in her hair. "I'll just come right back."
"True," I nodded, yanking her head back, before slamming it forward again, pressing her forehead against the metal instead of her cheek. "But then I'll just kill you again. And again. And again."
I spin the bitch around, pressing her back against the pipes. I didn't even care that my knuckles were pressing against the metal, my skin scalding. My anger outweighed the pain. The pure fury that raged through me, overwhelming everything, protected my mind from the pain.
My other hand shot forward, forcing its way into her chest, so that I was gripping her heart. I looked the other vampire in the eye, ignoring the painful resemblance to my sister. The sister that she took from me. Instead, I focused on the differences, on the fear in those eyes. Fear that pleased me. The doppelganger deserved to be afraid. After everything that she had done, after all the pain that she had caused, it was time that she felt the fear that she installed in other.
"This is for my twin sister," I whispered, leaning forward so that Katherine had no choice but to stare at me with those wide, pain-filled, fearful eyes. "Goodbye, Katerina."
"No! Wait! Please!" the doppelganger begged; her voice thick with fear. Her hands came up to grip my shoulders as she pleaded, facing true death for the first time in centuries. And at the hand of someone that she never rated, never thought was strong enough.
But before I could rip out her heart, a strong hand gripped my wrist. Stefan squeezed hard, forcing me to release Katherine's heart. Despite my furious shouts and protests, my hand was soon pulled from her chest, heart remaining safely inside. Stefan wrapped his arms around me, holding me against him, his strength holding me away from the murderous doppelganger.
"What the fuck, Stefan?!" I shouted, as he dragged me further away from Katherine. From my revenge. "Let me go!"
Katherine smirked, running her fingers through her hair as she winked at the younger Salvatore brother, "Thanks for the save, handsome."
I continued to thrash in his arms, caught between my desire to rip Katherine apart and my need to get to Bonnie. Now that my mind was clearing, I became aware of just how much time I had wasted fighting Katherine. God knows if Bonnie was still alive or if she had raised the veil again. I needed to find her. I had to. And soon.
"Get the hell out of here before I kill you myself," Stefan growled at the oldest vampire in the room, grunting as I dug my nails into his hands. But he didn't let me go. Later on, I would admire his resilience. But for now, I was just pissed that he wasn't releasing me. Allowing me to go to Bonnie. Not that he knew that. The older vampire probably just assumed that I would try and attack Katherine again. It was a tempting thought, but she was a problem that could wait for later.
"Really?" the bitch scoffed, rolling her eyes. "I'm your biggest problem right now?"
She gave me a smirk, blowing a kiss in my direction, before sauntering out of the room. I was just about able to see her disappear back down into the tunnels, before Stefan dragged me further into the room, away from the hole in the wall.
XXX
It wasn't until Katherine was deep into the tunnels that Stefan let me go. When the pressure around my arms disappeared, I pushed him away, moving a few steps away from the older vampire. He continued to look at me with disappointed eyes. And damn, that really made my blood boil.
"Why did you stop me?" I narrowed my eyes, shoving away Stefan's hand when he reached out to check my injured one. It was fine, the skin was already healing and the pain wasn't able to break through the red haze that had settled over my mind. "I could have killed her and solved all of our problems."
"Then Bonnie would be dead too," Stefan shook his head at me, watching me with wary eyes. "She used a spell to link herself to Katherine, so if you had killed her, Bonnie would be dead too."
"I'm not being funny right, but how do I know that that is true?" I scoffed, kicking some rubble out the way as I paced around the room. My hands clenched and unclenched at my sides as I focused on that anger. Because I did not want to deal with what was underneath it. "How do I know that you aren't just saving Katherine for shits and giggles?"
"Because I saw her, Alexa," the older vampire replied sharply, his voice full of stern disapproval. "You were hurting Bonnie."
I narrowed my eyes before shaking my head, "Bullshit."
It had to be bullshit. I needed it to be bullshit. There was no way that I had nearly killed Bonnie, my best way of getting Elena back. No, Stefan had to be lying. The alternative just wasn't an option.
"You really believe that?" he raised an eyebrow, stepping forward and grabbing my arm, stopping me from pacing. I tensed at his grip, my body screaming out for me to move. To work out that tension that was building, the whirlwind of emotion needed an outlet. But I just couldn't give it one.
"I have to believe it, Stefan! Bonnie is my best way of getting Elena back! You really think that I could hurt her?!" I shouted, tugging on my arm, to no avail. "I need Bonnie alive, goddamnit. So you need to let me go so that I can keep her that way!"
"I don't know what you are capable of, Alexa!" Stefan shouted back, raising his voice for the first time. If I was in my right mind, I would have been shocked. It wasn't often that the younger Salvatore brother raised his voice. And I couldn't even remember the last time that he had raised it at me. But in that moment, I just didn't care. "You've done so much stuff recently that I can't keep up. You've changed. Letting Bonnie died as collateral damage could very well be something that you are capable of now."
"I had to change, Stefan! Life forced me to!"
"And there it is. All of this is about Elena. I know that you think that everything you have done, all of your plans, all of your manipulations, forcing Bonnie to bring her back will take all of your pain away. But it won't."
"If Elena is alive again then I won't be in pain."
"It isn't possible, Alexa. All of this, it's a distraction. Just like turning your humanity off. The truth is, there are no shortcuts. You are a vampire, Alexa. Loss is part of the deal," Stefan paused to take a deep breath before sighing and shaking his head. "Look, I've been alive for 164 years. I have lost more loved ones than I can count, and it hurts me every single time."
"You think that I don't know that?" I shook my head, finally tugging my arm free. "Of course I know that my family will eventually die, while I don't age a day. But you know what else? It sure as hell won't be today. Elena is supposed to live a long life and have a huge family. Just like she wanted. She wasn't supposed to die at 18, at the hands of Katherine Fucking Pierce! So once she is alive, I will work out a way to survive her death, when it is supposed to happen. But until then, I will not even begin to think about letting rot away on the other side."
"Alexa, you need to face your grief at some point," Stefan placed his free hand on my shoulder. "I can see it trying to break through. Let me help you, you don't need to go through this alone."
"I don't need to face anything," I rolled my eyes, pacing to the other side of the room, getting as far away from the other vampire as I could. "In just a short amount of time, Elena will be alive again and life will be all sunshine and rainbows. And then you can just back the fuck off."
"And if Bonnie can't do it? What then?"
"Then I'll get Silas to do it!" I shouted, kicking one of the bricks on the floor. It flew across the room before smashing into the wall, breaking into tiny pieces. "How many times do I have to tell you? I will do anything to bring Elena back. I don't care what the consequences are, bringing Elena back is non-negotiable!"
"You're not the only one who loves her, Alexa," Stefan snapped, losing his cool, a deep frown on his face. "You think that I don't want her back? I do. The fact that she is not alive breaks my heart, every single day. But she wouldn't want this. Elena wouldn't want to come back if the cost was your humanity."
I scoffed, shaking my head, "Then let me tell you the same thing that I told Jeremy. I don't give a shit what she wants, not until she tells me that to my face. Only then I will I listen. I sure as hell won't listen to you. You don't know her mind, what she would truly want." I turned around, going to leave the room, before I paused, spinning back around. "In fact, you know what, fuck you, Stefan. You broke her heart. You hurt her. Hell, you asked Rebekah to compel your relationship with my sister from your memory. You do not get to lecture me on loving Elena."
There was a hurt look in Stefan's gaze, one that broke right through my anger, unleashing the whirlwind of emotion. So I did the only thing that I could do.
I ran.
XXX
I wasn't aware of my surroundings until I was stood in front of the small headstone that my family had put together. It was in the back of the Gilbert plot, not really noticeable unless you were actually in the plot. It was small, with her name at the top, 'beloved sister, niece and friend' underneath, written in stark white letters.
"May she rest in peace?" I scoffed, dropping to my knees in front of it. It wasn't until I spoke that I realised just how much I had been crying. My voice was wrecked, thick with tears that continued to fall. I wiped them away, scrubbing my face, ignoring the pain as I pressed too hard. I needed that pain. I needed something to break through the whirlwind within me, the emotions that were consuming me. I could feel my humanity fighting to come back in and damn, I just wasn't strong enough to stop it from breaking back in. "What a con."
I reached out to brush a stray leaf from the top of the stone, my hand shaking as it rested on it. The granite felt cool beneath my touch, my skin standing out against the dark grey. I brought one knee up, my foot nudging the bouquets that had been left in front of the grave, resting my forehead against it. I closed my eyes, drawing in a ragged breath.
I knew that somewhere, in town, my sister was alive. Not properly alive, not yet. But she was there. I could speak to her; I could touch her. I could finally let out all of the words that had been gnawing away at me. But I couldn't. I couldn't face her. Because I knew what would happen. And I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready to confront my failure. Because I had failed my sister. I was the reason why she was dead. If it wasn't for me, Katherine would never have had the opportunity to feed her to Silas. It was all my fault. And I wasn't ready to confront that.
Hell, I had turned off my humanity to avoid confronting that fact. I had worked so hard to bring her back to life so I could avoid the fact that I had practically gotten my sister killed. I always knew that I would have to confront that fact at some point. But I didn't feel ready now. I was too weak, too close to letting my humanity back in. And when that returned, so would everything that I had pushed away. The guilt. The remorse. The pain. The grief. The fear. It would be too much to deal with.
With a sniffle, I raised my head, looking back at the headstone in front of me. I traced my sister's name with my fingers, memorising the feel of the smooth granite. The cool texture of the stone. The feel of a name that I had memorised long before my own. I could spell her name in my sleep; I could recognise it with my eyes closed.
"I couldn't even get revenge for you, Els," I whispered, using my shoulder to wipe away a tear that had trickled down my face. "I tried, quite a few times. But I just couldn't do it. Besides, killing her wouldn't bring you back, even if it would be nice. I would just be ripping apart my soul for no reason."
I looked away, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment, feeling the tears sneak through. There was nothing that I could do to stop them. Even if I wanted to. After such a long time, it felt nice to cry again. Even though I knew what the tears represented. But it was a release that I just couldn't hold back.
I opened them again, glancing down at the flowers at my feet, even as my fingers remained on the name engraved in the stone. There were dozens of flowers there, gathered into numerous bouquets. Flowers of red and blue and purple and yellow. Ribbons of white and black and blue. All of them perfectly picked out by our loved ones. Sweet messages were written on small cards, tucking into the ribbon. Words written by Jenna and Jeremy and Stefan and Caroline and Alaric. Even by Damon, signing his card from the both of us. It was enough to make my heart squeeze painfully in my chest.
"It's so easy to forget just how loved you are, Ellie," I murmured, gathering up the bouquets and rearranging them on the bottom of the headstone. "So many people adored you. So many people lost you. You weren't just mine to lose. God, I've been so selfish, haven't I? All I wanted was for you to be alive again. But how many people have I hurt to get that?"
My knee dropped to the ground as I hunched forward, resting my forehead the headstone, the letters of her name digging into my skin, "Please forgive me."
Everything was silent for a moment, before a painfully familiar voice said, "Hello, old friend."
I shot up with a gasp, spinning around to face the smirking Original behind me. Kol looked positively jovial as he gripped my brother's neck. Jeremy stared at me with wide eyes as he barely choked in enough breath to live. There were no injuries on him, other than the bruise that I could already sense forming on his neck.
"Jeremy," I breathed out, moving to take a step forward. But the Original held up a finger, shaking it as he tutted. I froze where I stood, even as every instinct within me screamed out to get my baby brother away from the threat.
"It's a shame about your sister," Kol shook his head, looking far too please. "I was looking forward to killing her in front of you. It won't feel as fun now, since you've had months to deal with her death. So I reached a compromise with myself, I'll punish your family by killing Jeremy instead. And then when he returns to life, I'll kill him again, and again."
"If you want to kill someone, why don't you kill me?" I spat, narrowing my eyes as my hands curled into fists. I pushed back what I could of my humanity, needing all of my strength to save Jeremy. I could deal with everything else later.
"It is a tempting thought, darling," the older vampire smirked just before I shot forward.
XXX
I only had one aim and that was to get Jeremy away from the Original vampire. Nothing else mattered, except for protecting my brother. I refused to lose another sibling, another family member. Jeremy had to survive this. There was no other option. I would rather die than lose my brother.
I knew that I had to be clever about this. I had only been a vampire for half a year, Kol had the advantage in every single way. He was strong and quicker with better reflexes. No, I had to be sneaky about this. But before I could even think about fighting him, I had to get the Original away from my brother. Jeremy couldn't stay here, he needed to run. The older vampire wanted to hurt him, to kill him, and so, the kid couldn't be here. He had to run, and I had to protect him while he did so, I had to keep Kol distracted so Jeremy could run away. Which meant getting Jeremy away from Kol.
Fortunately, Kol didn't expect me to speed forward when I did. He was probably expecting me to wrestle with my fear and worry for longer. But he failed to take into account my reckless desire to keep my brother safe. Especially since I had already lost one sibling. I refused to lose another. I refused to let my baby brother get hurt because of me, because I failed to protect him. Like I failed to protect our sister.
I grabbed the Original's wrist, the one belonging to the hand strangling my brother, and punched down on his forearm, using all of my strength. Kol's bone snapped with a horrifically loud crack. The noise echoed around the graveyard as the older vampire let out a shout of pain. His hand automatically let go of my brother and I grabbed him, pulling him away. I shoved Jeremy behind me, not turning my back on the Original as I ordered, "Jeremy, get the hell out of here. Call Alaric and keep running, don't look back."
"What about you?" the kid asked, as I continued to shove him forwards. I kept my gaze on Kol, who was glaring at me through narrowed eyes. He snapped his bones back into place, keeping eye contact with me.
"Forget about me, I'll be fine," I snapped, giving him a harder push, hearing as he stumbled backwards a few steps. "So move!"
Just as I finished my word, Kol shot forward. I didn't know whether he was aiming for me or my brother. But either way, I wasn't going to let him near my brother. I sped forward, colliding with the Original, knocking him back a few steps. I heard Jeremy take off and my heart relaxed in my chest. I didn't care what happened to me, as long as my brother was safe.
"You know, I've missed this," the Original spat, punching my shoulder. I felt my arm pop out of its socket and hissed, baring my teeth as I dug my nails into the soft skin of his cheek. The older vampire let out an annoyed shout, backhanding me, knocking me to the floor. I used the brief opportunity to fix my dislocated shoulder before I pushed myself back to my feet, once again dodging in front of Kol. "Two people connecting."
"Good lord, do you ever shut up?" I groaned, just about avoiding another hit to the face. "I mean, really. Do everyone a favour and just shut your face."
"You don't know how lonely it is on the Other Side," Kol narrowed his eyes at me, before he grabbed my arm and threw me into a nearby tree. I hit it with a grunt and fell to the floor. Fortunately, the older vampire was too invested in me now, and had forgotten about my fleeing brother. He sped forward, kicking my stomach, forcing a groan from me. "And I swear, being invisible will drive you mad. The way you couldn't see me standing in front of you, or feel my breath on your cheek as I whispered all the ways that I wished for you to suffer."
He kicked me again before pulling me to my feet by my hair. I grabbed his wrists, spitting out some blood before baring my teeth, "You're such a fucking creep. Maybe if you weren't so determined to kill my brother, you wouldn't have died, you absolute fool."
"You're lucky that I couldn't interact with anyone else on the Other Side, otherwise I would have punished your sister for her role in my death. Oh, darling, I would have made her scream. But alas, I just couldn't get to her."
"God, you're such a little bitch," I kicked Kol's knee, enjoying the crack that followed. He quickly released his grip on my hair and I stumbled back a few steps. "You know what, I'm glad you're dead. And I can't wait for you to be dead again. So why don't you do everyone a favour and just fuck off."
The Original bared his teeth at me, veins rippling and fangs sharp, before speeding forward again. But before he could reach me, a strong body collided with him, knocking him back against the tree. I let out a sigh of relief as I saw Ric standing in front of me, a harsh look on his face.
"Ah, my mother's creation, back from the dead," Kol smirked, stepping forward again, a cocky look on his face. "Do you really think that you can beat me?"
"I don't need to," Ric shot back, just before there was a click and an arrow flew through the air. It was easy for Kol to catch, but it distracted him. And our enhanced Original used that opportunity to dart forward, wrapping his hands around Kol's neck before flicking his wrists. Kol's body dropped to the floor and I let out a long breath before a familiar voice called my name.
And this time, I didn't run away.
XXX
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment before nodding once and turning around, opening my eyes. The moment I did so, I met my sister's gaze. Elena had a soft smile on her face as she looked at me. She was still wearing her clothing from the island, her puffer jacket and green jumper. There was no sign of blood on her skin, no sign of her death. And weirdly enough, that was what broke me.
I dropped to my knees as my face crumpled, my strength leaving me. Everything that I had been running away from, everything that I had been holding back, it all came crashing in. My humanity, long held back, returned with a vengeance. I was barely aware of the high-pitched keen that escaped my lips when a warm body wrapped itself around me.
I immediately raised my arms and gripped onto the back of Ellie's jacket, fingers digging into the puffy fabric. My twin ran her fingers through my hair, hushing me as I let out an ugly sob. Tears poured down my cheeks, soaking into the wool of her jumper. Even if had the presence of mind to stop them, I didn't want to. I was done running from my emotions. I was as ready as I could be to face them.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I chanted, the words falling from my lips without thought. "I got you killed, god, I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to die, Els. I never wanted that. It killed me. I broke, Ellie. I lost you and I broke. And I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I just had to get you back. I needed you back. I'm sorry."
My twin pressed a gentle kiss to my temple, squeezing me tighter, before whispering, "It's okay, Lexa. I forgive you, for everything. It's going to be okay. You just need to breathe for me, okay? I need you to focus on your breathing."
But I couldn't focus. Because everything was battering me, all of the fear and pain and guilt and grief that I had been running from, it was surrounding me, swarming me, overwhelming me. And I couldn't run from it, even if I wanted to. My humanity had returned, as had my sister.
As I continued to sob into her neck, Ellie sighed, shifting me slightly before pressing her head against mine, "Focus on one thing, Lexa. Ignore all of those emotions that are overwhelming you and focus on one thing. That one thing that makes you strong and channel everything into that emotion."
I jerked my head into a nod, squeezing my sister tighter before holding my breath. And in that whirlwind of emotion that haunted me, I found my one thing. I found it in the grip of my sister, her sweet smell and warm voice. In the other half of my soul. I found it in the strong hand of my brother, resting on my shoulder. In the reassuring beat of his heart. I found it in the presence of Ric, one so familiar and reminded me so much of my parents. I found it in Jenna, not here with us but always in our hearts, in the way she reminded me of home and of happier times. In that sweet baby girl that she had recently brought into this world. A child so full of innocence, one that trusted me enough to fall asleep in my arms, the arms of a monster.
And I focused on them, my love for them. For my family. For my sister and brother. For Alaric and Jenna. For Zoe. Even for Larry, a member of the family, our furry friend.
I pulled back, my cheeks stained with tears, and released my grip on Ellie, before moving to cup her cheeks. There was a relieved smile on her face as she reached up to grip my wrists. It was a smile that I returned, before I sighed, "Oh Els, I missed you so much."
"I missed you too, Lexa," my twin gave my wrists a squeeze, her thumbs stroking the soft skin of my inner wrists. "It's been so hard, watching you grieve for me and not being able to help you."
I glanced to the side as Jeremy joined us, wrapping his arms around our shoulders and pulling us into his sides. The kid let out a shuddering breath before squeezing us tight. Elena murmured our brother's name, grabbing his hand with one of hers before grabbing mine too. I placed my free hand on Jer's knee before pressing a kiss to his cheek and sighing out, "It's okay, kiddo. You've got us now."
Ric crouched down in front of us, a relieved look on his face as he glanced between us, "It's good to have you back." His gaze flicked over to me, from my sister, "Both of you."
He reached forward to rest a hand on my shoulder, his hand giving it a reassuring squeeze. I hadn't allowed myself to enjoy the fact that he was back before now. With my humanity gone, he was just a distraction, a way to protect my family while I was absent. But now, god, I could feel the relief in my heart that he was back with us, with Jenna. Ric's death had left a hole in our family, one that had only been filled now that he was back. Bonnie had saved us a lot of pain when she saved his soul, before he died. And it was the only reason why he had come back in time to witness the birth of his daughter.
"It's been a long time coming," I agreed as Ellie reached forward to wipe away the remains of my tears. "But I'm back now. And I'm never going to leave you again. Any of you."
"Good, because we are never going to let you go," Jeremy nodded sharply, his grip on me growing tighter. Because while we could all talk about my return, we couldn't talk about Elena's. Because it would only be temporary. We all knew that the veil wouldn't be lowered for long and then when Bonnie put it back up, we would lose our sister all over again. We just had to make the most of the time that we got with her now.
XXX
I didn't know who called them, but it didn't take long for the Salvatore brothers to arrive, Bonnie with them. They stood just outside of the cemetery as they spoke, their voices quiet.
"You need to get rid of Silas' body," the witch told them, a tired edge to her voice, her arms crossed. I slowly walked towards them, my sister by my side, where she would stay until the inevitable happened.
"Well, there's a slight problem, Medusa," Damon shook his head, glancing over at me as I approached. "Even though you turned him to stone, if he gets one more drop of blood, he's back to his old mind tricks."
"Alright, so let's do what we should've done to Klaus," Stefan shrugged, his gaze on my sister, unable to tear it away. "Let's drop his body in the middle of the ocean."
Bonnie went to respond to that, but she paused before turning to face us. I looked at my friend, before sighing and shaking my head, "Oh Bon, what can I say?"
"You don't have to say anything," my witch gave me a small smile before stepping forward. She placed a hand on my shoulder before pulling my sister in for a one-armed hug.
I gave her a look, "Of course I do. Bonnie, I've been a complete bitch to you. I manipulated you, threatened you. God, Bon, I'm so sorry for all of it."
"You weren't you," my friend gave me a understanding smile. "I know what that's like. I wasn't me for a long time. But we can talk about all of that later." Bonnie gave my sister a smile, "You've got some catching up to do."
"Thank you, Bonnie," Ellie smiled, giving the witch a squeeze. Jeremy walked up behind us, joining in the hug before wrapping an arm around our older sister's shoulder.
"I'll give you guys as much time as I can," Bonnie's smile turned sad. "But I have to go put the veil back up."
The witch went to step away but before she could, I gently pulled her into a hug, whispering in her ear, "I release you from your promise." Bonnie pulled back to stare at me with wide eyes. I pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Thank you, for everything."
Bonnie continued to stare at me before nodding, slowly stepping back. She glanced over at Ellie, who was still in Jeremy's arms. Our brother was staring down at her with a happy smile on his face. I stepped closer to my siblings, grabbing Ellie's hand and ruffling Jeremy's hair.
As the witch slowly walked away, Stefan sighed, shaking his head, finally looking away from my sister, "I should, ah, make sure that Kol's body is somewhere safe until the veil goes back up."
"Hey," I grabbed his arm before he could leave. Green met green as I sighed regretfully, "I'm sorry, Stefan, for everything. I just hope that you can forgive me one day."
The younger Salvatore gave me a knowing look, gently taking my hand and giving it a squeeze, "It's just good to have you back."
I watched him walk away, heading towards the cemetery and where Kol's body lingered in the dirt, before sighing. A familiar hand grabbed mine and I immediately gave it a squeeze, my heart relaxing at the feel of my boyfriend's skin against mine.
"I should see Jenna before…" Ellie's voice trailed off into a sigh before she glanced over at Alaric. She forced a smile back to her face. "It's about time that I met your beautiful daughter."
"I couldn't agree more," Ric smiled back gently taking Elena from me, leading her towards the edge of the cemetery. "Jenna will be so happy to see you."
As I watched my family, a murmur escaped my lips, "How do I say goodbye?"
"With the knowledge that your sister will find peace, once she is content that you are okay without her," Damon sighed into my hair, wrapping me in his arms.
"I just wish that I had more time with her."
"I know, but there will never be enough time."
As I watched my sister laugh at something Jeremy said, I realised that Damon was right. There would never be enough time, I just had to make the most of what little time I had left before my sister disappeared again.
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A/N: Thank you for the reviews, my darlings, please keep them coming! They help when I struggle with writing chapters! I don't know when the next chapter will be, but hopefully it will be up soon! Until next time, I hope you enjoyed xoxo
