Disclaimer: I only own my OCs

A/N: May I present the last chapter of 2023! I am honestly surprised by how much I have posted, considering how the year started but I've been bitten by the writing bug and thank god for that! This chapter that got away from me at times, but it was fun to write :) we get all the goodness, Alexa hating on Silas, Stalexa and Dalexa, poor sweet Amara who I never intended for Alexa to adopt! Our girl does go through it a bit in this once, but not as much as she does in some of the later chapters...

XXX

After a shitty night's sleep, thanks to Amara's numerous freakouts that were only soothed when I held her, I chased after my sister as she made her way up the stairs to Stefan's room. As agreed yesterday, I was now allowed to be mad at her for her foolishness, and I was taking that seriously. Which was why I hissed, "Elena, stop running away from me and accept your throttling."

"I just want to check on Stefan before I do," my twin shrugged, not even bothering to turn around and look at me, as she walked through the door to her ex's room, a glass of coffee in hand. I could feel my eye twitching as I followed her in. I knew that I was being grouchy, thanks to my broken sleep, but I didn't care. My sister had royally pissed me off yesterday with her idiocy and I was not going to play nice. Which was why I felty absolutely no guilt in ruining her morning time with Stefan. If I was being honest, it wasn't the only reason why I had followed her up. After the way that they had smiled at each other yesterday, I was wary about leaving them alone. I refused for any romantic feelings to form or kisses to be shared before my adorable amnesiac got his memories back.

I lingered by the doorway, resting against the frame, while Elena walked over to the curtains. She pulled them open just before Stefan woke up with a gasp. I frowned, before slowly making my way over to the other vampire, resting on the edge of the bed. He hadn't suffered from nightmares before. So it was weird that he was getting them now.

"Morning," oblivious Ellie smiled, walking over with the coffee to perch down in front of Stefan. "I made coffee. How did you sleep?"

"Oh, not great," the younger Salvatore shrugged, moving to properly sit up. He glanced over at me and I gave him a soft smile. I got a strained one in returned and I only just stopped myself from frowning. Something was definitely wrong with my adorable amnesiac Stefan. And I was not impressed.

"Well, it must be nice to be sleeping in your bed, because there was a huge risk that we would have spent the night on Tessa's couch," I rolled my eyes at the smile on my sister's face. She was ridiculously oblivious. Because there was definitely something wrong with Stefan.

"If we're gonna talk about Tessa, then I think I'm gonna need that caffeine," Stefan sighed and Elena beamed as she passed him the glass in her hand. "So, uh, what's with the wakeup call? I wasn't expecting twin time so early in the morning."

"I'm only here because Elena is running away from my throttling," I grumbled, leaning back against the bed post behind me.

My twin's shoulder twitched at my words but she just ignored them to smile at the other vampire in the room, "I just… I miss you. I feel like when you lost your memories, I lost a friend, and I was thinking that instead of just describing how much we meant to each other, maybe we could just start afresh." She took a deep breath before smiling brightly, "Hi, I'm Elena."

But Stefan just frowned, looking down into the brown liquid, as he murmured, "I was driving to Portland."

"Stefan?" I said softly, as I felt my sister look over at me with worried eyes.

"The night that I took Silas to the quarry, I said goodbye to Lexi, and then I decided to keep driving west. I was going to spend a bit of time out of town before coming back to deal with everything that had happened."

"Wait, hang on," Elena looked like she couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. "How do you remember that?"

"Because my memories are back," the younger Salvatore looked back at us and the pain in those green depths had my sucking in a deep breath. While on one hand, it was a good thing, because he finally knew who he was again. It was also a bad thing, because he remembered all of that pain again. And that was a thought that made me feel sick.

"Really? Are you serious? How?" Ellie stared at him with wide eyes, a hopeful look in her expression, while I sighed.

"Tessa came here last night," Stefan muttered, shaking his head as he hid his shaking hand on his lap. "And she undid whatever spell fried my brain and it's all back. I can remember everything."

I could see the smile starting to form on my sister's face and I shook my head, standing up. I moved to rest a hand on her shoulder, keeping my voice firm, "Go and find Damon. Tell him that Stefan has his memories back."

"What, why?" my twin looked less than impressed with my words. "Why can't you go and tell him?"

"Because I asked you to first," I rolled my eyes before tugging her up from the bed and carefully pushing her towards the door. "Go." When she hesitated, I narrowed my eyes, "You're already on thin ice with me, Elena, I wouldn't push me right now."

Elena gave me a filthy look before flouncing from the room. I shook my head at her before moving to sit down in front of Stefan. His gaze was still full of pain and I sighed, reaching out to rest my hand on his. I knew that this wouldn't be pretty. Those three months of pain and constant deaths would have left their mark on him. And I knew PTSD well enough to know that it wouldn't be easy for him.

Which was why I gently placed my hand on his cheek and asked, "Do you need something to eat before we go downstairs?" I paused before sighing, "Damn, do you even remember us teaching you moderation? Or did Tessa fry those memories when she gave you back the other ones?"

"I remember," Stef nodded, a small smile appearing on his face. He placed his coffee to the side before pulling me in for a hug, his grip slightly too tight. "Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me, Stef, I'm just glad that I was able to help you. Even a little bit."

XXX

It didn't take long for Damon to appear in the room, giving his brother a relieved hug, before taking him downstairs. I couldn't hide my smile as I followed them, Stefan's coffee in my hand. While my boyfriend got the younger Salvatore settled on a couch in the parlour, I placed the coffee on the side table next to him before sitting down by his side. Opposite me, my twin was giving me an annoyed look. I didn't let it bother me, because it was her own fault for not noticing how not okay Stefan was. And I was still determined to look after him, even if his memories were back now.

Damon had been rattling through the years, looking for obscure pieces of knowledge that would prove that Stefan's memories had definitely returned. I was content to hold Stefan's hand, relieved that he was back with us now, physically and mentally. To be honest, I probably could have done without the PTSD. But it didn't surprise me. It just meant that he still needed looking after. And I had dealt with it enough to know how to help him.

"October 1852," my boyfriend raised an eyebrow.

"You broke my nose trying to teach me how to throw a right hook," the younger brother replied after a moment of thinking and I couldn't stop myself from snorting.

Damon rolled his eyes at me before pouting, "It wasn't on purpose. Just to be clear."

"Damn, Stef, you've been holding out on me if you've got memories like these," I laughed, nudging his side. "I could have been teasing him over this for ages."

"Alexa, hush," my boyfriend gave me a look and I stuck my tongue out at him before he smirked at his brother. "How much did you pay for that hunk of junk motorcycle you ride?"

"That's a trick question," Stefan shook his head. "You bought me that motorcycle, although I'm guessing that it was pretty expensive."

Damon sighed as I practically cackled, "I never knew that! Oh Stefan, darling, I'm so glad that you are back. Are there any more gems in that sweet brain of yours?"

"I'll be sure to let you know," Stefan smiled at me and I was kind enough not to mention how strained it was.

"And that is why you are still my favourite Salvatore," I purred, giving my boyfriend a look. It was one that he returned and I had to bite my lip to stop myself from saying something inappropriate. He gave me a wink before looking back at the younger Salvatore.

"So, Tessa just gave you back your memories, no strings attached," he raised an eyebrow, his amazing brain thinking of reasons why the crazy witch would have done something like this.

"Well, it wasn't exactly a gift," Stefan sighed, shaking his head. "It was a lot to take in at once, everything from blowing out the candles on my first birthday cake to drowning in a safe."

He breathed in deep as he said those words, his face scrunching up in pain, before he squeezed my hand hard. I just rested my other one over his, going to murmur something that I hoped would help, before the glass in his other hand shattered.

"Whoa, easy there, buddy," Damon gave his brother a worried look as I carefully moved around to examine his injured hand. There was a sizable chunk of glass sticking out of his palm and I sighed, carefully letting go of his other hand after giving it a reassuring squeeze.

I gently grasped the piece of glass while my sister quietly asked, "Stefan, where did you go?"

It didn't take a genius to realise that it was the safe. It happened right after he mentioned it. And it was horrific enough to be haunting his memories. Tessa had really hurt him by giving back his memories while he was alone, when there was no one around to ease him through it. God, I hated that bitch even more now.

I winced at the pained hiss that Stef let out as I removed the glass from his hand. Luckily I didn't need to worry about any more glass, so I just held his hand, shifting to crouch down in front of him, to make sure that it healed okay.

The other vampire just chuckled weakly, shaking his head as I gently stroked his wrist before wiping away the blood. It hadn't taken long for the cut to heal but I made a note to get him something to eat. I was still crouching down as he muttered, "All that and I still can't remember my own strength." He frowned as he heard a sound, a desperate cry that had me sighing. "What was that noise?"

And there was my other problematic darling, having woken up from her nap. I shook my head as I stood up, glancing towards the stairs. I knew that I had to get back to Amara, but I didn't want to leave Stefan's side while he was still feeling weak.

"Uh, well that is," Damon glanced over at me, before murmuring my name. I gave him a quick smile before wincing when the doppelganger called my name. He was right last night, when he said that the girl had imprinted on me. It seemed as though I was the only one able to sooth her. Sometimes I wondered if it was a good thing that I looked enough like her sister that she clung on to me for comfort. But if it stopped her from killing herself, like she often whispered, then I would do whatever was needed to make her feel better.

"We have a situation," Elena sighed, shaking her head as I paused after a couple of steps, nodding decisively and turning around, heading over to the drinks table.

"Of the doppelganger variety," my boyfriend helpfully finished as I grabbed a bottle of whiskey from underneath the drinks table. Whether it was for me or Amara, I hadn't quite decided. But I knew that it would soon be finished.

"Katherine?" Stefan immediately frowned, sitting up straight as I felt eyes on me while I was walked up the stairs.

"No, nope, not Katherine."

XXX

I had only just stepped into the room when I had an armful of Amara. She clung onto me, looking around the room with wide, fearful eyes, muttering, "I don't know! I don't know!"

"Easy, sweetness," I sighed, easing my fingers through her hair before directing her back over to the bed. I carefully eased her down, with the girl practically sitting on my lap. She clung onto me, shaking in my arms, as she continued to look around the room. I placed the bottle in my hand on the floor before holding her close, tucking her head under my chin.

I wasn't aware that the Salvatore brothers had followed me until I heard Stefan's murmured, "Oh."

"Yep," I gave him a strained smile as the doppelganger's grip on me turned tight, her fingers digging into my back. "Stefan, meet Amara. She's, uh, going through it a little bit."

"What's wrong with her?" he frowned, glancing over at Damon. My boyfriend had been watching me, taking special note of my tired eyes, before stepping forward. He grabbed the bottle from the floor, opening it for me and passing it over. I gave him a grateful look before taking a deep swig. The burn felt ridiculously good and I knew that it would keep me going until I found a way to help Amara while also getting Bonnie back.

"Tessa turned her into a block of rock, left her in a box for two thousand years," Damon shrugged as I gently encouraged Amara to drink from the bottle. A part of me hoped that the booze would help calm her down. I mean, it couldn't make things worse. The poor girl was already losing it. At least if she was boozed up, I wouldn't need to worry about her doing something stupid like chewing on her wrists. "The girl probably went a little stir crazy like those desert island guys who talk to volleyballs."

"So you're telling me that this girl is the only thing holding together the Other Side?" Stefan sighed tiredly and I just knew that he was regretting getting involved in all of this. At least when he was an amnesiac, I was able to protect him from our bullshit and keep him out of it. But with his memories back, Stefan would refuse to be left out of it and he would want to help us. Like he always did.

"Yep, she's the anchor," my boyfriend nodded as I took a decent hit of whiskey, resting the cool bottle against my forehead. I could still hear Amara muttering against my skin, repeating her previous pleas to 'leave her alone' and that she 'didn't know'. I had no idea who she was talking to but it was clearly bothering her. "As long as she's alive, the Other Side exists, and we can keep trying to get Bonnie from over there."

I glanced up at Damon as he rested his hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. My lips twitched up into a smile before the doppelganger in my arms whimpered again, her body twitching violently. I sighed, lifting the bottle to her lips, encouraging her to drink a bit more. It was a fucked up situation. And I was pissed with Silas for just ditching this sweet girl in the dark, leaving her to fend for herself. She was just lucky that we were there to find her and look after her.

Stefan watched us before shaking his head, "Well, considering she's immortal, I'd say that we have plenty of opportunity."

"You'd think," my boyfriend rolled his eyes. "Except last night she stuck a hole in Silas' neck, sucked the cure right out of him, so now she's not only nuts, she's mortal, which means that we have to keep her ordinary little human heart beating until we get Bonnie back. Fortunately, she's latched onto Alexa, which has made it a little bit easier."

"Why has she latched onto you, Alexa?" the younger Salvatore frowned, looking down at me.

I carefully shrugged, as Amara pushed the bottle away, before burying her face against my neck. I didn't mind too much; she had taken enough that her words were beginning to slur. Hopefully she would be able to pass out into a drunken slumber soon and then she would be at peace for a little while.

"I seem to remind her of her," I paused before mouthing, "dead," I raised my voice again once I was sure that the girl in my arms hadn't picked up my words, "sister. And because of that, she only calms down when I'm here."

Stefan paused for a moment, looking at the way Amara curled around me, before nodding. His gaze flickered over to Damon, "And how do you plan on bringing Bonnie back?"

"Silas made a pinky promise that he'd do a spell to bring her back," my boyfriend replied. "Unfortunately, he's taking his sweet time coming back to Mystic Falls."

"That's because he is a bitter little bitch," I muttered, rolling my eyes at the thought of the former immortal witch. He was firmly on my shit list and he wasn't coming off of it any time soon. Not until he was dead. And even then, he might not come off of it. "And he knows that I will punch his smug little face in if he says the wrong word to me."

When the younger Salvatore frowned and opened his mouth, Damon shook his head, giving my shoulder a squeeze before sighing, "Alexa has her own issues with Silas. Just be glad that she is only muttering threats and not doing something foolish."

I winced as his voice turned stern before mumbling, "I'm feeling so attacked right now."

"That's what you get after yesterday."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm supposed to be yelling at Elena for her own stupidness. Not being told off for my own." I turned my gaze to Stefan before pouting, "Will you be nice and give me sympathy?"

The younger Salvatore just laughed at me. And despite the fact that I was being told off, the sound had me smiling into Amara's hair.

XXX

After I had tucked a drunk Amara back into bed, her little snores just melting my heart, I followed the brothers from the room. When the younger Salvatore left to go back to his bedroom, I couldn't stop myself from sighing. Even though I was happy that he had his memories back, and that I actually had my friend back in my life, I hated that he was suffering. It just wasn't fair, that he was going through so much pain. Getting his memories back was supposed to be a good thing, but apparently not. God, life just sucked sometimes.

Damon wrapped his arm around my shoulders, tucking me into his side, and I glanced up at him. He was watching his brother with the same sad look that I had. We knew that there wouldn't be an easy fix to this. There was no magic button that we could press to get rid of his PTSD. If there was, I would have used it last year.

I kept my voice quiet as I asked, "He'll be okay, right?"

"We'll get him there," my boyfriend nodded before looking down at me. "Depending on how generous you're feeling, we'll let Elena help."

"As long as she stops giving him heart eyes, she can," I sighed, shaking my head. "Because now is not the time to be thinking about that kind of stuff."

"Your sister can be sensible, when she wants to be," Damon rolled his eyes as he led us back to the parlour. "And if she isn't, then we'll just replace her with blondie."

"Ooh, do I get to tell her that?" I laughed as we reached the drinks table. I turned around in his arms, wrapping my own around his neck, before going up on tip toes to nuzzle his nose. "Because that would really make this day a whole lot better."

"I'd forgotten how bitchy you got when you're tired," my boyfriend shook his head at me, but I could see the amusement in those lovely eyes.

"Rude," I pouted, before dramatically throwing my head back, trusting my boyfriend to keep me on my feet. And like always, I was proved right when he just wrapped his arms around my waist, keeping me held against him. "I was going to let you give me a massage later, but now I don't think I will."

"We'll see who wins that one," Damon laughed at me before sitting down, resting me on his lap. Despite my pout, I couldn't stop myself from resting my head against his. My continued pouting earnt me an eye roll before my boyfriend's hand moved to cup my face, thumb dragging against my lip. I pressed a kiss to his thumb, giving him a smile, before resting my head against his shoulder. "And I'm not liking your odds, Ally."

"I'll get my way, I always do," I mumbled against his neck, debating whether I wanted to grab my blanket from the other end of the couch or just keep curling myself around my boyfriend. Fortunately, before I could decide, Damon just adjusted in his seat, allowing me to rest more of my body against his warm chest.

"One day, you won't, and you'll be in for a shock."

"You know, I'm really not liking this," my pout was back and I made my displeasure known by lifting my head and tapping my boyfriend's nose. "Why are you picking on me today?"

"Because you're adorable when you pout," Damon shrugged carefully, making sure not to dislodge my body resting against him, an unrepentant look on his face. "And I'm still not impressed with your little stunt yesterday."

"Why don't you just spank me and get it over with," I muttered, not paying attention to my words. It wasn't until I saw my boyfriend's raised eyebrow that I cleared my throat, my cheeks burning, and I looked away. My voice was annoying high as I stuttered out, "Shouldn't we be checking in with Silas? To see where the asshole is?"

I knew that Damon knew what I was doing, but the blush on my face must have been pretty damn impressive, because he just pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialling Silas' number. I continued to look away from his face, staring at everything and nothing, while listening to the dial tone.

Of course, it was a surprise when the former immortal douchebag actually answered the call, "Hello, Damon."

"Well, look who decided to pick up his phone," my boyfriend rolled his eyes. The asshole had apparently decided that he was allergic to answering calls today. So the fact that he was answered this one was surprising. But hey, if it distracted Damon, then I was not going to complain. Honestly, I needed to find my fucking brain to mouth filter, before it got me into proper trouble. "Is your secretary out sick?"

I coughed my way through a snort, which wasn't helped by Silas' reply, "They prefer administrative assistants now, thank you very much. I learned that on the bus. Very nice people on here, by the way."

I glanced back at Damon, raising an eyebrow. Silas was on a bus? Why did that feel so weird? He was apparently some kind off all-powerful witch. And he was taking a bus? Did he lose his broomstick?

"You're taking a bus?" Damon repeated what I was thinking. "Not to sound like a dick, man, but we're in a little bit of a rush over here."

"Yeah, but you know what's great about the bus? Open road, Damon. There's all this time to think, watch everyday human beings in their normal environment. Did you know that gas is over three dollars a gallon at the moment? It seems to really concern a lot of people."

"Oh shit, he's finally lost the plot," I whispered, staring at the phone with wide eyes. "And I wasn't even there to witness it."

My boyfriend rolled his eyes, tapping my nose, before turning his attention to the former immortal, "This is not a time to have an every-man crisis. We need you back here to resurrect Bonnie before your nutter butter soulmate offs herself and destroys the Other Side."

Silas was silent for a moment before sighing in a way that put me on edge, "Yeah. I've been thinking about that. Amara needs to die."

"Over my dead body," I muttered, narrowing my eyes. He was not going to hurt my sweet Amara. I would rip him apart first.

"You can't be serious," Damon scoffed, exchanging a glance with me.

"My poor Amara, all those years trapped in stone clearly left her unhinged, so look, if she doesn't want to spend another moment on this earth, then I'm more than happy to put her out of her misery and spend the rest of eternity in the afterlife with her, but listen, if you want to go ahead and kill her and save me the trouble, then please, by all means."

I hissed out curses while my boyfriend shook his head, a hint of desperation to his voice, "Not until you bring Bonnie back, remember? Promises made; metaphorical hands shook."

"I've been thinking about that, too, Damon. Remember when I told you that the universe is working to draw our doppelgangers together and you laughed in my face? Well, I didn't like that. And then I realised, if you don't bring Bonnie back from the Other Side, then you'll be breaking your promise to Alexa. Who will be breaking her promise to Elena. And the idea of hurting the annoying brat brings me this perverse amount of joy, so I've decided not to help you, Damon, and I will see you soon. I'm looking forward to all of this being over. Bye."

I stared at the phone as the asshole hung up, before clenching my hand into a fist and spitting out, "Motherfucker!"

XXX

While I was vibrating with rage, completely ready to just rip Silas' spine out of his body and beat him to death with it, Damon took a deep breath before summoning the sane doppelgangers in the house. As we waited for them to arrive, Damon turned me around, resting his hands on my shoulders. He gave them a squeeze as I looked up at him, a desperate look in my eyes that I couldn't hide, "He can't hurt Amara, Day. I won't let him. She deserves better than that."

"Hey, we'll protect her, I promise," he quickly shifted his grip to cup my face, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "We won't let him hurt her."

I reached up to grip his wrists before closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, "Maybe I should move her down here, so I can keep an eye on her. I don't trust him. He's a sneaky little shithead and he'll hurt anyone to get his way. And apparently that now includes his one true love."

"We can call Ric back, if that makes you feel better," my boyfriend murmured against my skin as his thumbs stroked my cheekbones. "He can help us protect her. You don't need to worry, baby."

"It really feels like I do," I sighed as our siblings entered the room. It took just one glance for Elena to be asking what happened.

I let Damon explain the situation, content to just rest my head against his chest and be held by his strong arms. I needed this moment, to get myself together. So that I would be ready to protect that sweet girl upstairs. She trusted me. She hadn't done anything foolish to hurt herself because of me. And I refused to fail her. I had failed far too many people. I couldn't add Amara to that list. Not that sweet girl, with her wide brown eyes, who trusted me far too quickly.

Once my boyfriend had finished explaining Silas' shitty phone call, my sister nodded, "We need to buy some more time, protect Amara. Maybe we should move her somewhere else."

"Silas is a witch," Damon rolled his eyes, one hand resting on the back of my neck as I took a deep breath, momentarily tightening my grip on him. "He's a living, breathing, GPS tracking device. He'll track her wherever we take her."

"We can't let him anywhere near her until he brings Bonnie back," Elena frowned, shaking her head. I shifted so that my back was resting against Damon's chest before sighing. I knew that my sister had a one track mind, and that she didn't fully grasp Amara's importance to me. Which meant that I had to intervene to make sure that the life of my doppelganger ward was also considered here. That her importance was discussed separately to the need to bring Bonnie back before it was too late.

"We can't let him near her full stop. I refused to let that fucking asshole hurt her."

My twin shot me a betrayed look, "What about Bonnie? Isn't she more important?"

I shook my head as my boyfriend's fingers dipped beneath my top, stroking my stomach, his touch helping to keep me calm, "Els, where in my sentence did I say that I didn't care about Bonnie? Of course I want to keep the Other Side intact for her. But I also won't let Silas hurt that innocent girl upstairs."

Fortunately, before my sister could say something, Stefan interrupted with a groan, a hand pressed against his eyes, "Weren't you listening to anything? He's not gonna bring her back."

"So, what, should I just give up?" Ellie scoffed. "Come on, Stefan. You got your memory back. You know me now, better than most. Do you really think that I'm just gonna give up?"

"You know what?" the younger Salvatore's tone was sharp, his face tense, and I just sighed. "You're right. I do know you. You put your hope in all the wrong place and, sometimes, the wrong people. Silas needs to die and put us all out of our misery."

"So long as he's alive, I'm holding out hope that he can still help us," my twin's stubbornness had me shaking my head. I loved that girl, but she could be blind at times. It was obvious that Stefan was suffering right now and talking about his tormentor was clearly not helping anything. If it was anyone else, then he would have been a lot calmer, ready to help us find a way to save Bonnie. But this was Silas. And Silas was a painful topic.

"Well, as someone who just spent the last three months at the bottom of a quarry because of the guy, I wouldn't hold your breath, pun intended," his words had me wincing. "Silas needs to die, and I need to be the one to kill him, end of story."

With that said, the other vampire left the room. I watched him go with a sigh. My sweet Stefan, while no longer an adorable amnesiac, still needed my help. And fuck me, I was determined to help him. He deserved that much. I couldn't save him from the quarry, I couldn't save him from Tessa, but I could save him from his PTSD. And I refused to let him suffer any longer than he already was.

Elena went to follow the younger Salvatore but I cleared my throat. When she looked over at me, I gave her a look, "I'll go after him. You stay here and just… don't do anything stupid."

"You can't keep me away from him forever, Lexa," my sister's voice was soft as she stared at me.

"I'm doing this to protect you both, Els," I shook my head. "Nothing can happen between you until he has recovered from what happened. It wouldn't be fair to either of you."

While I left the room, I heard Damon mutter to my sister, "She isn't doing to hurt you, Elena. It's her guilt complex. She hasn't had a chance to seek his forgiveness for everything that she did while her humanity was off. And now she feels guilty for failing to save him from the safe. Just give her time."

XXX

I found Stefan in the kitchen, sitting at the dining table, a bottle of bourbon in front of him. I sighed as he completely ignored the glass on the table, instead just downing the drink straight from the bottle. My poor, sweet Stefan. Who was suffering so much. I hated it. And I hated that I couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Are you willing to share or do I need to find a bottle of my own?" I asked, keeping my voice soft. The other vampire glanced over his shoulder, those green depths drowning in pain, and my heart clenched in my chest. When he held out the bottle, I walked over, lifting myself up onto the dining table before accepting the bottle. I took a deep swig, enjoying the burn, before sighing and passing the bottle back. "Stef, I love you, but you look like shit."

Stefan snorted, shaking his head, "I see that your brain to mouth filter is yet to return."

"It's very tedious," I rolled my eyes, resting my feet on the edge of his chair, my toes nudging his thigh. "And it keeps getting me into trouble."

"Damon told me about your encounters with Silas."

"Damon's got a big mouth," I muttered, accepting the bottle from the other vampire. That got me a genuine smile as Stefan placed his hand on my knee, giving it a squeeze.

"He just worries about you, Alexa."

"He worries too much, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself," I paused for a moment, watching as the other vampire took a long drink. "You used to find it hilarious when you didn't have your memories."

"Your reactions to it were funnier," Stefan murmured, a small smile still on his face. "You were either preening because of it, seeing if you could work it to your advantage, or you were pouting over how he wouldn't let you do something foolish."

"You know," I mock-grumbled, using the bottle to hide my smile. "You were a lot nicer to me when you didn't have your memories."

I couldn't hide my laugh as the smile on Stefan's face turned cheeky. And damn, I was proud of that. If I could get his mind off of his pain, even for a minute, it meant that he wasn't suffering. And I couldn't bare the thought of my sweet Stefan suffering. It just wasn't fair. And while I knew that life wasn't fair, because fuck life, I was determined to make this fair.

"It almost sounds as though you preferred me as your 'sweet amnesiac Stefan'."

"Damn, did I really call you that to your face?" I paused for a moment before rolling my eyes. "Soz, bro, my bad. But you were adorable like that. You looked at me, all wide-eyed and shocked, whenever I referred back to the shit that had been happening in our lives."

Stefan nodded, "I remember everything that we talked about. Including a certain conversation about guilt."

"Ah fuck," I winced, closing my eyes. "I'd forgotten about that."

"You're not feeding from people," the other vampire's voice was even. He wasn't asking a question; he was making a statement. And I couldn't even deny it.

"Yes," I muttered, keeping my voice low.

"You feel as though you failed me because you couldn't find me because I was missing."

"Yes."

"And you felt so guilty for the way that you treated me during your humanityless period that you swore to do anything to look after me while my memories were gone."

"Yes," I sighed before frowning. "I don't remember telling you that."

"Damon told me," Stefan shrugged and my frown turned into a pout.

"He's got a big mouth and yet, he dares to tell me that I have one."

"His big mouth helps you with your guilt complex, Alexa," the older vampire gave my knee a squeeze. "Yours gets you into trouble with beings a lot stronger than you."

"I wouldn't say that I am that bad," I protested before deepening my pout.

"Alexa," Stefan placed the nearly empty bottle to the side, before reaching out to cup my cheek. "I told you, before I left town, that I forgave you for everything."

"But Stefan, that isn't enough," I whispered, my hands clenching into fists as I finally did what I had been waiting months to do. "You deserve more than that. I should have been using this time to make it up to you, like I've been trying with everyone else. I was so horrible to you. To the point where you felt as though you needed to leave town." I closed my eyes as a thought hit me. "God, if it wasn't for me, then He Who Must Not Be Named wouldn't have shoved you into that You Know What and put you in the You Know Where. He only got that opportunity because of me." I squeezed my eyes shut as my breath hitched, "Stefan, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that you went through all of that pain. That you prioritised looking after bitchy me instead of dealing with your grief. I'm so sorry for everything that I did, for all the horrible words that I said to you while my humanity was gone. I swear, I never meant any of it. I never meant for you to get hurt because of it. I…"

My rambling was interrupted by a finger resting against my lips. I opened my eyes in shock, meeting Stefan's gaze. There was a soft look in those eyes and my heart clenched in my chest. Because I was supposed to be helping him, not the other way around. Once again, Stefan was forced to deal with my issues instead of his own. God, what was wrong with me?

"Alexa, I forgive you," his voice was gentle as his other hand wiped away the tear that I hadn't realised had fallen. "For everything that you feel as though you need forgiveness for. But I promise you, it wasn't your fault that Silas did what he did. I volunteered to dump his body; you didn't drive me away."

"But you were going to leave town?"

"It was a split-second decision," Stefan shrugged before kindly passing me the bottle. I used the moment to regain my composure before snorting weakly.

"While I do miss my adorable amnesiac, I'm glad that you're back, Stefan. I missed you. And… I'm glad that I can finally make amends for everything that I did to you." My friend gave me a soft smile before pulling me into a hug. I held onto him tightly, burying my face against his shoulder as I whispered, "And I'm going to get you through this as painlessly as possible, I promise. I won't let you suffer any more than you already have."

XXX

After disappearing to fix my makeup, because I knew that I had cried far too much while talking to Stefan, I quietly checked in on Amara. She was asleep again, a half-eaten sandwich on the table next to her. The bottle that I had left her was definitely emptier than before and I sighed. I really did hope that I wasn't turning the poor girl into an alcoholic. Because that was a shitty thing for me to do. But if it helped me keep her safe until I wrecked Silas, then I would deal with the consequences of it later.

I stared at the sleeping doppelganger, trying to convince myself that she was fine, when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out to see a text from my brother, summoning me downstairs. With a sigh, I replied with my agreement, before glancing back at Amara. There was a peaceful look on her face, one that I envied. It had been so long since I felt peaceful like that. There was always something wrong. And I was usually the reason for it. People got hurt because of me. And I didn't know what to do to stop that from happening. Hopefully, with Amara, it would be different. Hopefully I could protect this girl and keep her safe. I had to keep her safe.

With a sigh, I shook my head before carefully closing the door, making sure that my sweet girl wasn't disturbed, before making my way downstairs. Jeremy was sat on the chair next to the sofa by the drinks table. His knee was bouncing as he waited for his audience to arrive. Elena was already there, sitting on the coffee table next to him, looking at our brother with worried eyes. I didn't know where Damon was, not until I stepped into the parlour. The second I did so, a comforting hand was resting on my shoulder. I glanced to the side to see my boyfriend staring at me, eyebrow raised, but I could see the worried look in his eyes. He had either heard me crying earlier or Stefan had snitched on me. That was one of the annoying things about him being back to normal, he was once again teaming up with his brother to make me deal with my emotions in a healthy way. It would be worse this time, because he would be using me as an excuse to run away from his trauma. It was a trick that I knew painfully well. And I wasn't impressed with it being used against me.

I gave Damon as sincere a smile as I could manage, wincing when his raised eyebrow just got higher, but he didn't call me out on it. Instead, he just wrapped his arm around my shoulders, tucking me against his side, before leading me over to the couch by Jeremy. My brother looked up at me before nodding, looking relieved that I was finally here.

"So, Jer," I sighed as my boyfriend refused to let go of me, keeping me tucked beneath his arm. "What do you want?"

Jeremy nodded, glancing to the side, before explaining his encounter with Amara. I couldn't stop myself from frowning as I listened, especially when my brother finished with, "Amara could see Bonnie, and Bonnie could touch her. They made physical contact. It's like Amara's got a foot on each side of something."

My twin immediately leapt on that, "Amara exists in both place at once, here and the Other Side?"

"Then she's not crazy crazy, she's just talking to dead supernatural beings roaming around our house," Damon rolled his eyes as my gaze flickered up in the direction of her room.

"That explains so much," I muttered. "That poor, sweet girl."

My boyfriend gave me a squeeze while Jeremy shook his head, "The point is if Silas isn't going to help us, what if Bonnie could be the same thing? What if she existed on both side at once? What if she became the anchor?"

"Why do I feel like you're going to say something that I really don't like?" I groaned, closing my eyes and slumping back against Damon. Because while I was so fucking relieved that we now had a way to save Bonnie, I knew that it would be an incredibly stupid idea. And while I didn't mind doing stupid stuff, I refused to let my siblings do the same. Was it hypocritical of me? Yes. But did I care? Nope. I had done horrible things to keep them safe, to try and keep their innocence intact. I couldn't let them ruin all of my hard work.

"You're right, Jeremy, you're right," Ellie breathed out, looking far too happy considering we would have to speak to a pretty despicable person to get what we wanted out of this. "So, all we would need is someone who could do that spell."

"Oh, please don't say who I think you're gonna say," Damon echoed my earlier thoughts, shaking his head as he gave Elena a look.

"Think about it," my sister refused to back down. "Silas wants Amara to die, Amara would probably want Amara to die if it wasn't for Alexa, so who, besides us, is the one person with the biggest stake against letting that happen?"

"You know, I was just joking when I said that Tessa and I will have a proper laugh over Silas being a loser before she brings Bonnie back for me," I muttered, squeezing my eyes shut tighter, as I remembered my words from yesterday. Fuck me, I really should have known that they would come back to bite me on the ass. Because shit like that normally did.

"We should probably go and get Tessa before Silas gets here," my sister looked determined as she went to stand up. But before she could, I shot forward, grabbing her wrist, tugging her back down with a stern look on my face.

"Elena, you are not going to go get Tessa," I narrowed my eyes at her. When she opened her mouth to argue, I held up my hand. "Damon and I will handle Tessa. Your only job is to stay here and not do anything stupid."

"I don't do as many stupid things as you think I do," Ellie crossed her arms, the annoyed look on her face making me roll my eyes.

"Elena, just yesterday, you were manipulated into trapping yourself in a cabin with an insane witch with a grudge against your doppelganger. That is the height of stupidity."

Elena didn't have anything to say to that.

XXX

For the most part, the drive to Tessa's cabin was quiet. I had managed to persuade my siblings to remain at home with Amara, although I had asked April to check in on them. My first instinct was to send Ric, but I felt bad that I was always asking him to spend time away from his precious daughter. So I figured that since my idiots weren't going to be in any danger, especially since Silas was apparently enjoying that bus life, I would send April. The girl was practically giddy to do something to help me. It was adorable, even if it did make my stomach clench with guilt. Even after everything, threatening her, turning her against her will, hurting her, that girl would still do anything for me.

I must have sighed without realising because my boyfriend glanced over at me. He raised an eyebrow before tapping the top of my head, "What's going on in there?"

"Just my usual guilt when it comes to sweet April Young," I muttered before shifting in my seat, reaching back to open the cooler. And I couldn't stop myself from pouting when I saw that it was empty. "Ah fuck. Why does it have to be empty when I'm hungry?"

"When was the last time that you fed?" Damon asked, sounding like he already knew the answer. And I couldn't hide my wince. Damn, I really wasn't covering myself in glory recently. Maybe it was all the stress finally catching up with me. Because I used to be a lot better at making sure that I was fed. And not doing stupidness like breaking my fucking toe. FML.

"Uh, can I pass on that question?" I tried my best to look pitiful, hoping that my boyfriend would give me some sympathy. But I knew that it wouldn't work. Damon had always been very strict with making sure that I was feeding properly, especially with my huge appetite. So the fact that I was failing to properly feed myself would only earn me a lecture at some point. When his look turned stern, I sighed, "It was yesterday."

"Alexa," my boyfriend shook his head at me and I pouted. While I slumped back in my seat, wondering if there was a way to dig myself out of this hole, he muttered, "Maybe you have earnt yourself a spanking."

"That's rude," I sniffed, crossing my arms. "You aren't allowed to use my sleep deprived words against me."

"Watch me," Damon rolled his eyes and I repeated his words mockingly.

"You used to be a lot more fun," I sighed. "What happened to letting me get my own way? I miss those days."

"Shocker. Maybe when you stop being foolish, I'll let you get your own way again."

"Boo," I shifted so that my legs were spread out over his legs. My boyfriend gave me a look, probably sensing my intentions, before gripping my ankle. "I really haven't been that bad. Like, Silas bullying me wasn't my fault."

"You insisted on tagging along."

"Well, that's rude. I don't like it when we play this game. I never win."

I knew that I was pouting pitifully, but I didn't care. Things were definitely not going the way I was hoping. It would have been okay, if I was able to suck on a blood bag or two. That would have kept me distracted and stopped me from saying something stupid. Which was very likely right now.

Damon glanced over at me, before shaking his head, but I could see his amusement, "Stop pouting, Ally."

"I'm feeling very attacked right now," I didn't stop pouting. "Can we talk about something else? Like how my dreams of laughing at Silas and teaming up with his ex are actually coming true? Because it is an unexpected bonus. Plus, she doesn't bully me like that asshole does."

My boyfriend rolled his eyes, but dutifully played along, giving my ankle a squeeze, "At least she doesn't seem inclined to hurt you."

"She might even be nice to me, if we present her with a plan where Silas gets screwed over. Of course, we just need to make sure that she doesn't try making Amara's death a part of the deal. Because that ain't happening."

"Was she okay? When you told her that you were leaving for a few hours?"

"Well, I fear that I may be turning her into an alcoholic," I winced, shuffling down a bit in my seat, stretching my legs out further over Damon's lap. "Because I'm sure that she is drinking more and more as the hours go by. But if it stops her from doing something stupid while I'm gone, then I'll take it."

"She'll be fine, Alexa," Damon was quick to reassure me, his fingers gently stroking my calf. "The others will look after her. Just take this time to relax."

"I don't think I can relax until Silas is dead and Bonnie is back with us," I sighed, shaking my head. "And that doesn't even include getting Stefan through his PTSD. Despite his insistence that killing Silas will fix everything, I know it won't help him like he wants it to."

"Stefan will get through this. He isn't alone and he is actually talking to people about his trauma."

"I'm feeling attacked again," I narrowed my eyes. "I talk to people about my trauma."

"Not without being forced into it," my boyfriend tapped my ankle. "And you definitely don't talk about your guilt."

"I knew that Stefan snitched on me about that," I muttered.

"I also eavesdropped," Damon gave me a smirk and I rolled my eyes.

"That was my second guess. I talk about my guilt, if it is rational. But there's no point me burdening people with the irrational stuff. Cos then, like, I wouldn't be talking about anything else."

"You and your guilt complex. Not everything is your fault."

"Sometimes I want to believe you. But when you start connecting the dots, it always seems to lead back to me and something that I did. Like, Stefan wouldn't have been put in the quarry if it wasn't for me. He left town to get away from me after I was a foul bitch to him for months. His trauma is my fault. And that is just one example." Damon sighed before pulling over to the side of the road. I frowned, glancing around, "Do we have time to be stopping?"

"I'm going to make time," my boyfriend muttered before gripping my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. "Alexandria Gilbert, what do I have to do to make you realise that you need to let go of your guilt?"

"I don't know," I winced, clenching my fists in my lap. "I don't like feeling this way. But every time I try to move on, to move past those months where my humanity was gone, I see the faces of those that I hurt, that I killed. I remember how horrible I was to my friends. And then I feel like I'm betraying all of them by letting go of that guilt."

Damon's grip moved from my chin to the back of my neck, tugging me in close. And despite the gear stick between us, I curled in against his body, "Alexa, have you or have you not done all that you can to make it up to everyone back home?"

"If you don't include Bonnie and Stefan, then yes," I muttered, unable to stop myself from yearning for his comfort, for accepting it, even if I probably didn't deserve it.

"Stefan has already forgiven you. And once we have Bonnie back, then I know that she will do so too. We all know that you weren't yourself back then, Alexa. Everyone has forgiven you, now you need to forgive yourself."

"It sounds so simple in theory," I sighed, curling my fingers into his top. "But I'll try."

"That's all I ask, baby," Damon murmured before easing me back and holding his wrist in front of my mouth. "You need to feed. You're already tired and stressed, the last thing you need is to be hungry too."

"I suppose if I need to play nice with Tessa, it will help," I let my face change, knowing that my boyfriend wouldn't take no for an answer, before gripping his hand and pulling his wrist closer. His other hand remained on the back of my neck, making sure that I kept drinking until he was happy. And to be honest, I was content to let him take control in that moment in time.

XXX

When we pulled up outside of Tessa's cabin, I sighed, "Can you handle this? Cos my brain to mouth filter is still on vacation and I really don't want to screw it up."

"Alexa," Damon laughed, reaching over to give my thigh a squeeze. "I would have insisted on taking over, even if you didn't ask. You don't have the best track record with these people."

"That's not true," I protested, crossing my arms. "Amara adores me."

"Amara doesn't count," my boyfriend tapped my nose before getting out of the car. I narrowed my eyes at him before getting out too.

"Amara does count," I sniffed, giving the cabin a dirty look. This was where my sister was held hostage yesterday. I could still remember her screams and fuck me, now I had to play nice with the one that caused them. It was definitely a good thing that I asked Damon to take charge here, because I knew that if Tessa made any kind of comment about my sister, I would not be able to hold my tongue. FML I really needed to find my brain to mouth filter again. It had been on holiday since I turned off my humanity and unfortunately hadn't returned. Which was annoying, because I'm sure that Stefan didn't have this problem when his humanity came back. "And I will not hear otherwise."

"Amara is the least dangerous out the three," Damon smirked at me as he came around the car to meet me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and tucking me against his side. "So you know what? I'll let you have this one."

"I suddenly feel like I didn't win here," I grumbled as we approached the front door. I felt my boyfriend smirk into my hair before he knocked on the wooden door. I took a deep breath, reminding myself of why we were here, before the door swung open.

The look of annoyed disappointment on Tessa's face was hilarious. She definitely wasn't expecting to see us and I don't know who she was waiting for, but it sure as hell wasn't us.

Before she could say anything, Damon gave her a charming smile, "I was hoping that we could talk."

"And I was hoping that you were my Chinese food," the witch rolled her eyes. "Goodbye."

She went to close the door, but Damon's hand stopped it. She gave us a dirty look and I smiled my own most charming smile. It definitely wasn't enough, as her fingers twitched by her side, probably looking like she wanted to curse us. But before she could, my boyfriend spoke up, "You remember Amara, right? Brunette, brown eyes, able to tug on the heartstrings of anyone who adores a doppelganger?"

I rolled my eyes at his words. I knew that it was a subtle dig at me, because he found it both hilarious and weird that the girl had latched onto me so quickly. But if it got us what we wanted, like Tessa agreeing to bring Bonnie back to us, then I didn't care.

"What about her?" the ancient witch scoffed, sounding like she didn't particularly care. But if it got rid of us quicker, then she would play along for the time being. She turned around, walking back inside, and I exchanged a quick glance with Damon before he ushered us inside. I made sure to keep the door open behind us, because the thought of not having a quick exit made my skin itch. I couldn't help but remember the last time that I was here. Stefan had his brain friend and the bitch in front of me had hurt my boyfriend. The sight of him laying there, looking weak, had continued to haunt me. And it would probably continue to do so for quite some time yet.

I knew that Damon had sensed where my thoughts had gone, probably from the way that I had tensed, as he gave me a gentle squeeze before answering Tessa's question, "Well, she took the cure, she would want to die if it wasn't for Alexa, and we have her safe and sound."

Tessa frowned, turning around to look at us, "But she's alive?"

"For now," Damon nodded. "Silas is literally on his way to kill her."

"He's going to fail because he's a big fat failure and I'll stop him," I couldn't stop myself from muttering, my fingers twitching at the thought of that sweet girl getting hurt. Especially by Silas. That fucker. I was going to stop him. He wouldn't lay a hand on her. I would rip him apart if he even tried it.

"You've fallen for her tricks," the witch rolled her eyes at me and I narrowed my own in return, despite Damon giving me a warning squeeze.

"For one thing, that girl was not capable of tricking anyone when we found her. Another is that she looks like my twin sister, of course I'm going to be protective over her," I just about managed to stop myself from snapping. "And I seem to remind her of her dead sister, which is just so ridiculously painful that I can't help but look after her."

When Tessa just sniffed, looking less than impressed, my boyfriend took over again, "Silas is completely obsessed with destroying the Other Side so that he and Amara can live happily ever after in the great beyond. Even if it means killing her to get his way. Man, you were right about these doppelgangers. They do always end up together." It took all of my effort not to say that it was the only thing that she was right about. Because I remembered her words on how I was doomed to die if the doppelgangers got together. And here I was, not dead yet and the two doppelgangers that we knew had bumped uglies numerous times. "So how does it feel to say 'I told you so'?"

"Like I want to shoot fireballs at Silas and drown him in acid," the witch purred, her murderous fantasies making her eyes gleam. It was a thought that I also loved. Because causing Silas pain was a delicious fantasy. And if I got my way, I would be the one to kill him.

"See?" Damon smirked, looking like he was also enjoying the thought giving Silas the most painful death possible. "That's what I thought. So, how would you feel about us making a deal?"

XXX

Tessa did seem open to making a deal. Which was definitely good news for us, because we did actually need her on side. And the fact that she was playing along so far made me biting my tongue worth it. Because I was not going to ruin it all by making a shitty comment.

While Damon continued to take charge of the speaking, the witch wandered over to the fire to pick up a cast iron kettle thing. As she poured water into the mugs, my boyfriend spoke, "So, here's our pitch. In order to keep the Other Side in place, you need something to anchor the spell, right, something powerful, like an immortal being powerful. Now, Amara was obviously a great choice until she downed the cure. So, would you consider someone who's dead but stuck on the Other Side a viable candidate?"

Tessa paused, placing the kettle down, before frowning as she looked at us, "An anchor swap?"

"Because we've got a volunteer."

While the witch considered the idea, I glanced around the cabin. It looked a lot more normal than the last time that I was here. There weren't any weird herb circles, no unconscious vampires. It looked like a cabin that someone lived in. Even if that someone was a psychotic witch.

"I'd be making a ghost a human toll booth between our side and the Other Side," Tessa murmured, drawing my attention back to her. "Giving her the power to interact with our physical world and the supernatural purgatory."

"Can it be done?" I couldn't stop myself from asking, clenching and unclenching my fists. This felt like my last hope for bringing Bonnie back. I didn't know anyone else who could save my friend for me. And normally, I would have more time. But with Silas determined to kill Amara, then my time was running out. Because I didn't know how long I could keep her away from him. No matter where I hid the girl, he would be able to use his magic to track her down. And there was no way that I could keep her on the move, not if I had to speak to others to get them to find a way to bring Bonnie back. No, Tessa felt like my only hope. And fuck me, I really hated that.

"Well, I would nee a massive amount of power to do a transfer spell like that," Tessa shook her head, abandoning the teas to pace in front of the fireplace. The skirt of her long dress swished across the ground with each step.

"Fine," my boyfriend rolled his eyes. "Name your poison."

I knew that Tessa was dragging it out to be a bitch, and it was only Damon giving me a squeeze that had me taking a deep breath. I had to remember that I was doing this for Bonnie. I could deal with Tessa, just like I dealt with fucking Silas, for Bonnie. My sweet, amazing friend was worth it.

"I need something to draw on. The moon's not full, I don't think there's a worthy comet for another couple billion years."

"Think hard," Damon gave her a look while I tapped my fingers against my thighs. "My girl here misses her best friend and will do anything to bring her back. And I have a former immortal doppelganger back home who is quickly becoming an alcoholic when Alexa isn't there to look after her."

Tessa's eyes lit up at his words, "Doppelgangers. They're powerful, mystical, naturally recurring. I can use them."

"You want doppelganger blood? I've got doppelgangers coming out of my ears," my boyfriend snorted. "How many do you want?"

"Do you really have that many?" the witch frowned, glancing between us and I couldn't stop myself from laughing.

"Oh hon, I have far too many doppelgangers in my life," I rolled my eyes as I finally left Damon's side, walking over to the teas. It was some kind of herbal tea, one that smelt oddly nice. I picked up a mug before pausing, "Is this safe to drink or are you secretly trying to poison me?"

Tessa's eyeroll was quite hilarious, not gonna lie, "Of course it's safe. Poisoning you really isn't worth my time."

I frowned, "I don't know if I should be offended by that." After thinking about it for a moment, I shrugged, "You know what, I'm going to choose not to be."

"How generous," the witch scoffed, walking over to me to grab her own tea. As she did so, I felt a comforting presence at my back. I did wonder how long it would take for my boyfriend to retake his place at my side. If I was being honest, I thought he would take a bit longer. But I wasn't complaining, it made me feel better, having him by my side. And I wasn't going to deny myself that comfort.

"Considering how much we both hate Silas, I would have thought that we would get along better," I shrugged, letting Damon tug me away from the ancient witch.

"Your adoration for the female doppelgangers just puts me off of you," Tessa gave me a dirty look and I snorted, my nails tapping against the mug in my hands. I didn't know if I was going to drink it, but it was a nice warmth in my hands.

"Well, that's just rude," I sniffed, as Damon's arms wrapped around my waist. He rested his chin on my shoulder as he kept an eye on the witch with us. While she had agreed to help us, she wasn't exactly hurrying to pack up anything that she needed. "I only like Amara and Elena. Katherine can go fuck herself." I paused before pouting, "Ugh, it's been far too long since I told her that. Hopefully I'll get the chance later."

"After we get her blood, you can bully Katherine till your hearts content," my boyfriend rolled his eyes at me, quickly kissing my cheek.

"Thank god, because I've been bullied far too much recently, I need to even the score now," I glanced over at Tessa as she zipped up her bag. "If you're the one who kills Silas, instead of me, can you make sure that it is uber painful?"

"Oh, you don't need to ask me that," the evil look on her face had Damon squeezing me closer to him. "I've been waiting centuries for this. I will make him scream."

"Damn, why do I suddenly find you so hot?" I murmured, squinting at the witch as she continued muttering about her killing Silas fantasies.

XXX

Tessa surprisingly agreed to sit in the back seat on the way back to the Bording House. I was secretly convinced that she just didn't want to be too close to us. If I was being honest, I didn't want to be near her. So I wasn't going to complain by her voluntarily taking the back seat.

"So do you need anything else to do this spell or is it just a case of gathering the doppelgangers together?" I asked, shifting in my seat to look at the ancient witch. Not gonna lie, it was kinda funny seeing her in the car. She just didn't give off modern vibes and seeing her in something so new just tickled my sense of humour.

Damon's fingers drew patterns on my thigh as the other woman scoffed, "Do you really think it would be that easy?"

"Well, no," I shrugged, wondering if I should be shutting up soon as Tessa's eye twitched. "But I'm not really an expert in magic. And if you do need extra shit, then I would rather get it soon, so there is no risk of Silas gatecrashing the party." I paused before my eyes went wide, "Oooh, but I get to kill him now. There's no need for me to show restraint."

"What makes you think that you are allowed to be the one to kill him?" Tessa narrowed her eyes at me and I gave her my most charming smile.

"Because you haven't called dibs?" Damon's hand squeezed my thigh and I sighed. "Can I please be the one to kill him? He bullies me and he's hurt me, like, so many times."

"He broke my heart and stole my immortality spell," the witch countered and I paused to think.

"We could do it together? Actually yes, that sounds like a great idea. Cos you seem like a creative chick and I just want to make him hurt," I nodded in satisfaction when the other woman remained silent. "Sweet, that sounds like a plan. But seriously, do you need anything else for the spell?"

"Just something that could work as a talisman for Bonnie, since she is dead," the ancient witch replied, rolling her eyes. "Her grimoire would work."

"Oh that sounds easy, I can get my hands on that," I relaxed back into my seat, resting the side of my face against the leather. "I've texted Caroline and she will be bringing the bitchy doppelganger to the Boarding House. You know, if you have some anger to work through when it comes to Amara's doppelgangers, you can make getting blood from Katherine more painful than necessary."

"Why can't I just do that to Amara?" Tessa smirked at me, a bitchy tone to her voice, and I narrowed my eyes.

"Because that sweet girl is under my protection and I won't let her get hurt more than she already has."

"That 'sweet girl' stole my boyfriend."

"Nobody's perfect," I sniffed, my fingers twitching. "And that's a bit sexist, just accusing her. How do you know that Silas didn't manipulate her into it all? He's a fucking asshole like that."

"I just know," the witch snapped before her lips curled up into a smile that definitely put me on edge. It put my boyfriend on edge too because he gripped my thigh just a little bit too tight. "You know, it is amusing that you remind her so much of her sister and that you are caught up in all of this."

"Why?" I asked slowly, wondering if I actually wanted to know the answer or if it would have been better for me to keep my mouth shut.

"Oh, because I killed her," Tessa shrugged, going for casual but sounding more vindictive. "I needed a heart to show Silas, to make him think that I had killed his beloved Amara. But I also wanted to hurt the bitch. So what better way than to kill her precious Valeria."

"No wonder she feels so guilty," I breathed out, exchanging a glance with Damon. He had an unhappy look on his face and I just knew where his mind had gone. Tessa had horrifically murdered Amara's sister, she was dangerous. And I was spending far too much time with her. "Her sister died because of you, because you were punishing Amara for her actions."

"Oh, you should have heard her scream," the ancient witch laughed, shaking her head. "And Amara was begging for her life. Unfortunately, she passed out before I could cut out Valeria's heart. But she saw enough to haunt her for the rest of her eternity."

"My god, you really are a vindictive bitch," I muttered before wincing and biting my lip. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my boyfriend give me a look. I just knew that he wasn't impressed with my words, but I couldn't help it. Tessa had brutalised Amara's sister, just to punish her. It was a stomach turning thought and I couldn't help but wonder what else the woman was capable of.

"I get even, Alexa," Tessa looked at me, a challenge in her eyes, and I just knew that she would hurt Amara, maybe even kill her, once she had completed her anchor switch spell. "If people hurt me, then I hurt them back."

"Then it's a good thing that we aren't planning on hurting you then," Damon's voice was perhaps a little too sharp. But I knew that he didn't appreciate the threat in her words.

"Look," I sighed, shaking my head as I placed my hand over my boyfriend's. "All I care about is bringing Bonnie back. Just do that and then you can disappear forever to do whatever it is that you want to do. I really couldn't care what that is. I'll even let you kill Silas uninterrupted if you leave Amara alone."

"And why should I do that?" the witch stared me down.

"Because she's been suffering for two thousand years. Surely that is punishment enough?"

Tessa's silence didn't really fill me with confidence.

XXX

As we pulled up outside the Boarding House, I muttered, "Thank god."

The rest of the journey had been filled with an awkward silence. One that I was not going to break. Instead, I kept myself occupied by drawing patterns on the back of Damon's hand, which hadn't moved from my thigh during the entire drive. It was cute, even if it did make me worry about his driving abilities.

Tessa rolled her eyes at me before striding into the building, curling her lip as she looked around, "So, you live in this giant mansion with two doppelgangers that are destined to end up together? Which could lead to your eventual death? I swear that there's a sitcom in there somewhere."

"Technically, Elena doesn't live here," I mumbled before I pushed past her and over to the drinks table. I poured myself a large glass of whiskey before downing the entire thing. I knew that I was far too tired to be dealing with this shit, but I also couldn't nap to give myself some energy and help with the stress. So instead, I would drink far too much booze to deal with it.

The witch ignored my words and instead asked, "So, where's the ancient boyfriend-stealing bitch?"

"Fuck my life," I sighed before just grabbing a bottle from underneath. I ignored the worried look on my boyfriend's face before beckoning the other pain in the ass ancient being in my life. "Follow me."

I really didn't want to show Tessa where Amara was. Because I was not convinced that she wouldn't hurt my sweet girl. But I needed the witch to bring Bonnie back. So I just ignored the little voice in the back of my head that was telling me that I was betraying Amara and led the witch upstairs. Although I did promise myself that I would wait right outside the door and if I heard something that I didn't like, then I would drag Tessa out by her hair.

The woman was content to remain silent as she followed me up the stairs to the room that housed Amara. The doppelganger was silent and I couldn't help but worry about her. I knew that my siblings had separately messaged me, saying that she was doing okay and she hadn't done anything stupid to hurt herself. But still, I worried. And that worry remained until I opened her door.

Amara immediately leapt up when she saw me, before darting forward. The girl wrapped her arms around me, squeezing tight, as she muttered words into my neck. I couldn't quite pick up what she was saying, but I got the gist of it. She was relieved that I was back. And fuck me, I felt even more guilty for leading Tessa up to her.

I knew the moment that Amara saw Tessa, as she let out a little gasp against my skin. I gave her a reassuring squeeze when the witch snapped, "That'll be all."

I gave her a look before whispering into my girl's ear, "I'll be right outside. If you need me, just say my name."

The doppelganger nodded before I reluctantly let her go. I could tell that she was just as reluctant. But there was nothing that I could do. So with a deep sigh, I watched as Amara slowly sat down on the bed before I shut the door behind me. I immediately took a deep swig from my bottle, which I had left on the table by her door, before sitting down on one of the numerous chairs that littered the Boarding House halls.

"Well, if it isn't the fact that launched a thousand doppelgangers," Tessa sneered as I got myself settled, closing my eyes. "A little birdie told me that you aren't enjoying your immortal life." I could just sense the witch getting impatient when Amara stayed silent. "Two thousand years, you have nothing to say to me? No apology?"

"I am so going to regret listening in on this conversation," I muttered to myself before drinking from my bottle of booze. Because I knew that I couldn't interfere. Not if I wanted Tessa to bring Bonnie back. But there was a worry in the back of my mind that Tessa would start hurting people if I did, whether it would be me or the sweet doppelganger.

It took a second before I heard a quiet voice, "I'm sorry."

"What was that?"

"I'm sorry," Amara repeated, her voice louder, but she still sounded scared. And I swore into my bottle at the sound. Because fuck me, I was supposed to be keeping her safe. This wasn't looking after her. This was the exact opposite of looking after her. When the witch let out a surprised noise, my sweet girl continued speaking, "That is what you want to hear, isn't it? How I have suffered, how every moment of my life has been a living hell? It has! My sin was falling in love, and I've learnt my lesson. You win. You won. Now, please, just end it all. I don't want to live like this any longer!"

Oh my poor, sweet Amara. I knew that she hadn't given up her death wish, even if she wasn't as vocal about it. And god, it killed me. The girl had barely lived her life. She was so young when she was cursed by Tessa, doomed to anchor the Other Side. But I knew that there was nothing that I could do to persuade her to give life a chance. The past two thousand had broken the doppelganger. And there was nothing that I could do to fix her.

"Don't worry," the witch snorted, her voice sounding so vindictive that it gave me Katherine flashbacks. "When I make someone else the anchor, I will. If I'm lucky, you'll find peace and move on, while Silas is trapped on the Other Side. And if not? Well, you'll still be separated. He won't be able to find you. You're going to spend eternity apart and that is gonna be kind of fantastic for me. Selfishly speaking."

XXX

After getting the doppelgangers settled in the drawing room with Tessa and Bonnie's grimoire, and fuck me, it was weird to see three identical faces around the table, I retreated to the parlour. While I had wanted to lurk, to make sure that Elena and Amara would be okay, I was ordered out of the room by the bitchy witch. And she wouldn't take no for an answer.

So instead, I went to go sit with the Salvatore brothers, who were chilling in the parlour, slowly making their way through one of the numerous decanters. I would still be close enough to the drawing room that I could hear if anything went wrong.

As I walked past my boyfriend, I plucked the glass from his hand. Damon rolled his eyes at me, especially as I held his gaze while downing the rest of the bourbon. The look on his face had me smirking, even as he reached behind to grab the decanter. I blew my boyfriend a kiss as he filled my drink, before sitting down next to him.

Damon muttered my name, his tone full of exasperated amusement, as he shifted so that I could lean back against his chest. I was just preening over getting my own way when I caught Stefan's eye. I sighed dramatically as I placed my feet on his thighs, "Stef, you look less shit than you did earlier."

"Thanks," the other vampire rolled his eyes and I pouted.

"You're supposed to say something snarky back. How am I supposed to distract myself from what is happening in the other room if you won't play with me?"

"Maybe I just don't feel like playing right now, Alexa," Stefan shook his head, looking down into his empty glass.

"Well, how about we play this game?" I offered, passing my glass to Damon while I refilled Stefan's. "Why don't we think about how many different painful deaths you can give He Who Must Not Be Named? It's one of my favourites." I rolled my eyes as I was given back my glass. It was a lot emptier than before and I just sighed dramatically, "Day, if you're gonna steal my drink, at least refill it."

"Technically, you stole it first," my boyfriend shrugged while Stef considered my very kind offer.

"Well, considering how mean you've been to me today, I think you deserve to have your drink stolen," I sniffed, turning to give him a dirty look, narrowing my eyes at the smirk on his face. "You're a shithead."

Damon agreed with a hum, the cheeky look in his eye doing things to me, "Hm, but you love it."

"Damn you," I muttered before deliberating turning my back to him and raising my voice slightly. "Well, Stefan, my favourite Salvatore, how do you feel about the game that I proposed?"

"You've got to stop playing that game," my boyfriend mumbled into my hair, just as his brother spoke.

"I'm surprised that you haven't told me not to kill him," the younger Salvatore looked over at me, eyebrow raised and I shrugged.

"While I really don't think that killing You Know Who will be the magic fix that you are looking for, the fucker deserves it. And I will never persuade someone to spare him. Because fuck that guy."

Stefan's lips twitched up into a smirk, even if he did try to stop it. And I couldn't help but feel satisfied. Because my sweet Stefan deserved to be distracted from his pain and trauma. And each time that I managed it felt like a huge fucking achievement. Hopefully, if it kept happening, then the other vampire would get through this as painlessly as possible.

"You really hate him, don't you?"

"He bullies me," I pouted, going to tap my nails against my glass before it was rudely plucked from my hand. I internally rolled my eyes before letting it go. As long as the little shit refilled it, I didn't care if we shared a glass. It was something that we did far too often and for some reason, it tickled the little possessive part of me that I tried not to show too often. "And he shot me with an arrow. And he broke my collar bone, before making my sister torture me." I paused for a moment. "Well, actually, he just told her to kill me and Damon. Or so he claims. Cos mind controlled or not, I really don't think that she would have hurt me like that. Yikes, I hope not anyway. Quick, someone say something because I am thinking stuff that I don't want to be thinking."

Stefan frowned, "My journal didn't mention that."

"That's because the stubborn girl doesn't like sharing when she is injured," Damon rolled his eyes and I pouted, crossing my arms.

"Rude. That's not true. Stefan wasn't around for the torturing one and before I could tell him that the fucker shot me, he got his memories back. The timing just didn't work."

"And what about all the other times that you get hurt?" my boyfriend tapped the top of my head, but I ignored him in favour of giving the younger brother a pitiful look.

"We aren't talking about those times, duh," I shook my head when my pitiful look failed. "Why don't you be useful and update your brother? Before I add you to my list of bullies."

"Oh no," Damon snarked, but he did give me back the drink, so I forgave him. Even if he was being a shithead.

"I should have just put up with Tessa's glaring," I mumbled into my drink, while the older Salvatore started updating the younger on everything that his journal had missed. I knew that he had heard my words, from the way that the arm wrapped around me tightened slightly. But he let me have it. Clearly I was looking as tired as I felt, because I knew that I would normally get a stern word for that. Fuck my life.

XXX

The brothers were just in the process of trying to bully me into talking about my pent up, irrational guilt when the lights went out, the bulbs exploding. I was totally ashamed of the little scream that I let out, before I covered my mouth with my hand. My boyfriend gave me a squeeze, pulling me closer to him while wind battered against the windows. I definitely wasn't ashamed to admit that I clung on to him as I heard light bulbs continuing to explode further into the house.

"What the fuck?" I squeaked when everything went silent. It was pitch black. Not even the moon pierced the darkness. It incredibly fucking unnerving and I could not stop myself from curling closer to Damon. In the distance, I could hear the voice of my sister and my heart eased in my chest. At least she was okay.

I went to go check in on her, before she did something stupid, but before I could, my boyfriend gave me another squeeze and carefully released his grip on me. I went to ask what he was doing before he muttered, "I'm going to check the fuse box. Ally, stay here. Stefan, look after her."

I assumed that he had better eyesight, being a helluva lot older than me, because I couldn't see jack shit in this darkness. I hummed my reluctant agreement, because the thought of not touching him while we were surrounded by this creepy darkness was gross, before shuffling to the side. I expected to feel Stefan. But he wasn't there. The seat next to me was empty and I couldn't stop myself from hissing, "Stefan?! What the fuck? You weren't supposed to leave me alone in this fucking darkness. Pause your stupid plan that I know nothing about and get your ass back here!"

Of course, he didn't do that. And I was left sitting in the pitch-black darkness. Because I genuinely could not see and that was really freaking me out. Which was the only reason why I let out such a loud gasp when a hand landed on my shoulder. I could hear the amused exasperation in Damon's voice as he said, "It's just me, Ally."

"Thank fuck," I muttered as he gently eased me up from the sofa. The moment that I was on my feet, I wrapped myself around him, burying my face into his chest. "Stefan ditched me."

"Stefan probably sensed his opportunity to get revenge," my boyfriend shook his head. "Close your eyes."

"Why?" I frowned before doing as requested. It was a good thing that I did, because Damon turned on the flashlight that he had apparently found. The light was bright through my closed eyelids. And I just knew that it would have been painful for my sensitive eyes if they were open. "Oh good, you found some light."

Damon hummed as he nodded, moving us in the direction of the drawing room, "Now let's go see what trouble the girls have got themselves into."

"Probably more than me, I was very good and just stayed sitting."

"It's the most sensible thing that you've done all week," I could practically sense Damon's eyeroll and I pouted.

"That's rude, stop attacking me. I don't appreciate it."

"I'll stop when you can go a whole week without being foolish."

"You say that like it's a challenge," I narrowed my eyes and glanced up at him, sighing loudly at the smirk on his face. "I miss my lovely, sweet boyfriend. What happened to him?"

"He went on vacation when you decided that breaking your toe was a good idea."

"It was an accident," I pouted and I was nearly tempted to move out of his arms. But the darkness around us still really unnerved me, so I would put up with his meanness. "I didn't realise that my sandals were that bad at protecting feet. Stop holding it against me."

"Once I get over the fact that I had to rebreak your toe, Ally, I'll get over it."

I winced and whispered, "Fuck." Because that made complete sense. Of course that was bothering him. I knew he hated it when I was in pain. But being the cause of my pain? Even if it was ultimately helping me, must have been really painful for him. Ah fuck, now I feel even worse about my stupidity in that moment in time. "I'm sorry, Day."

"Just promise me that you won't do it again. And I'll stop 'attacking' you over it."

"I promise," I gave him a squeeze, getting one in return, just before we entered the drawing room. As we did so, my boyfriend flashed the light around the room. Katherine squinted, looking less than impressed, while my sister relaxed at the sight of us.

"Electricity's out in the whole house," Damon said while I frowned as we only saw two faces in the room. And while I was relieved that my twin was safe, my other precious one was not where I needed her to be. "What happened?"

"Silas is here," Ellie was quick to reply, doing her best to check on me in the faint light of the flashlight. I knew that she worried about me, almost as much as I worried about her. Which would always be funny on one level, because I was a fucking vampire. But I also knew that being a vampire had done nothing to stop me from getting tortured far too many times for my liking. Ah fuck, no wonder she worried.

"Well, Silas owes me a fuse box," my boyfriend grumbled while I was practically vibrating in place. That alone must have given the game away, because he quickly frowned. "Hang on. I only count two doppelgangers. Where's crazy pants?"

"And where's the other crazy?" Elena also frowned as she noticed the other missing person.

"Ah fuck," I sighed, reluctantly moving away from my boyfriend. "I swear to God, if Tessa has hurt my Amara, I will rip her arms off once she has finished the spell and given Bonnie back to us."

XXX

When Elena left the room to go find Tessa, I followed her with a sigh. I knew that I couldn't let her wander around the dark house by herself, even if she did have a flashlight now. So even though I really didn't want to, I left the comforting presence of my boyfriend to watch her back. Because if Silas really was here, which would not surprise me, I wouldn't put it past the fucker to hurt my sister to hurt me. The asshole seemed to have some kind of obsession with hurting me and until he was finally fucking killed, he would continue to torment me. Ugh, I really did hope that Stefan made it painful. Because fuck that fucking asshole.

I was content for my sister to lead us through the Boarding House halls. I just focused on protecting her back, because I just did not know what could happen. Maybe I had watched too many horror films, or my PTSD wasn't as gone as I thought it was, because I was fairly sure that no one else was as freaked out by darkness as I was.

It wasn't until we walked into the library that Ellie broke the silence with a groaned, "No way."

I followed the light of her flashlight to see Tessa slumped back against the railings separating the upper level from the lower. But it wasn't the sight of the witch that had me breathing out through my nose. Nope, it was the iron poker sticking out of her right shoulder. There was a pool of blood on the floor beneath her and the side of her dress was stained a deep red. The smell of so much blood had my nose itching and it took all of my control to not let my face change. Fuck, I really was screwing up with feeding myself. Because it should not be this hard to keep control. That's it, I was putting myself on a proper feeding schedule after this shitshow of a day ends. And yes, I was going to get Damon to help me. Because I knew that he wouldn't let me get lazy with it. Ugh, was it normal to regress like this after being a vampire for a little while? God I hoped it was, and that I wasn't just fucking up. Nope, don't think like that, Alexa, just focus on the shitshow currently happening.

Tessa looked as happy to see us as we were to see her, because she quickly groaned, "Can't a witch rest in peace?"

"Stop being so dramatic," my twin rolled her eyes, sounding less than sympathetic, and I wondered what had gone on in that room to piss her off so much. "It's just a flesh wound. Get up."

I shook my head at her before approaching the ancient witch. As I crouched down in front of her, I carefully examined the wound, before muttering, "Luckily for you, I think it's missed the bone. But, soz, hon, it isn't going to be fun removing it."

"Just pull it out, Lexa," Elena spoke up from behind me. "We need her to finish the spell before anything bad happens to Amara."

"Els, chill," I sighed, glancing at her over my shoulder. "Tessa can't finish the spell if she's bled out from just yanking the damn thing from her. Give me a minute so I can do it properly, okay?" While my foolish twin grumbled her agreement, I turned back to the witch. "Okay, so, this is going to hurt. Let me know if you need me to pause at any moment."

"I'll be fine," Tessa rolled her eyes, but her body did relax slightly. She was definitely in more pain than she was letting on. And I liked to hope that she appreciated my kindness.

"Okay," I took a deep breath, unable to stop myself from muttering, "Ew, this is so gross."

I gripped the front of the iron poker, carefully keeping my hand away from the wound, before carefully breaking it in half. And fuck me, the sight of the poker, covered in blood reminded me so much of the ones that were impaling my legs a few days back. Shit. Fuck. Deep breaths, Alexa, try not to think about that. Just pretend it never happened. No one could judge me for taking the unhealthy route, not right now. I placed the half to the side before carefully easing the witch forward, resting her against my body. I knew that she hated looking so weak, from the way her fists clenched, but there was nothing that she could do.

I carefully gripped the other end of the fire poker, the end sticking out of her, before counting down from three. I pulled the poker out when I hit one, hearing Tessa breathe in sharply through her teeth. To give her a second to compose herself, I took my time making sure that her wound wasn't too dirty and that there was no fabric caught up in her flesh. It wasn't until I felt her pulling back herself that I moved away.

The wound was still leaking blood and it had me holding out my wrist, "Do you want some of my blood? Cos, hon, that isn't looking so good."

"I'll be fine," Tessa rolled her eyes, trying to push herself to her feet. I placed my hand on her shoulder, stopping her, before ripping off the bottom of her dress. The witch gave me a dirty look for destroying her clothes, before hissing as I wrapped it around her injured shoulder, making sure that it was tight enough to slowly stop the bleeding. She had to survive long enough to bring Bonnie back. And if it looked like she wasn't going to make it that far, then I would revisit the her drinking my blood idea.

Content that the wound was dealt with the best of my ability, I helped the ancient witch to her feet, wrapping her good arm around my shoulder. I was surprised when she let me help her, but fuck me, I wasn't going to complain. Because it saved me from what would have been a very tedious argument. Once I had the witch settled, I glanced back over at my twin, who was practically vibrating in place, "Come on, Els, lead the way back."

Elena didn't need much more encouragement, setting a fast pace. It had me muttering unflattering words under my breath, but I didn't say anything to her. I knew that she was just as eager as I was to get Bonnie back. And that was the only reason why I played nice with everyone.

XXX

I had just settled Tessa into a chair by the table when Damon walked back in. I quickly relaxed as he looked unharmed. Because fuck me, I was worried that Silas had targeted him while he was searching for our missing doppelganger and our missing Stefan. I knew that he had dumped Katherine in the parlour while he had done so. Which was a relief because I was not in the right frame of mind to be dealing with that bitch.

"Stefan and Amara are not inside," my boyfriend announced and I glanced away from the grimoire on the table. The blood that had been spilled on the book had been drawn together to create a symbol on the pages. Hopefully that meant that we were close to getting Bonnie back, that Tessa had nearly finished her spell. God, I needed her to be close. I needed this to work. I needed to get Bonnie back. Because she was my greatest mistake. She had died because I had tormented her and bullied her and threatened her. I had to fix everything Bonnie related. And the only way to start that was to bring her back into the land of the living.

"That's because Stefan took her," Elena shook her head. "You have to go find him before he gets himself killed."

"He's luring Silas away so Tessa can finish her spell," my boyfriend argued and I moved around the table with a sigh, standing between the two. "If we stop Stefan now, then Silas could come back and ruin everything."

"Or he could find Amara and hurt her while hurting Stefan," I murmured, glancing out the door. Because I knew that he would. Silas, despite my taunting, always seemed to win. He hurt the people that I cared about. Someone needed to go and provide backup for Stefan. I had to go and help Stefan. I owed it to him. I had to protect him. I ignored the looks from my boyfriend and sister as I nodded my head. "I'll go find him and help him. You make sure that Tessa finishes the spell."

"By yourself?" my twin raised a disbelieving eyebrow. Because fuck me, even though she wanted Stefan safe, she didn't want me to go. My foolish, overprotective sister. I didn't mind getting hurt, if it meant protecting Stefan. He was worth it.

"I'll be fine," I shook my head, going to step out the room, but a strong hand catching my arm stopped me. I glanced over at Damon, sighing at the unhappy look on his face. "Judging from how Stef was earlier, he has almost definitely wrecked Silas by now. But I need to go make sure that he is okay. He's being controlled by his trauma and seeing Silas might be too much for him. It's my fault that he's going through this. Silas only got the opportunity to put him in that safe because I drove him out of town. And then I failed to save him. He was suffering for months because I failed to find a witch to do a locator spell. Please, let me try and fix it. Fix some of it. I need to do something to fix it."

"Lexa, you can't blame yourself," my sister sighed, exchanging a glance with Damon. In that look, I could see their worry. Worry over my words. Worry over Stefan, over Bonnie, even over Amara. Because there were so many people that I could fail tonight. And I didn't exactly have the best track record.

"Already have," I winced, completely failing at giving her a reassuring smile. Because I definitely wasn't meant to say that much. And I hated that I did. Because I was not supposed to burden them with that. With my weakness. With my guilt. But there was nothing that I could do now.

My boyfriend frowned before stepping closer to me, cupping my face, "If anything happens, then I want you to scream. I'll be able to find you. And if you aren't back in half an hour, then I'm coming to find you."

I carefully nodded, making sure not to dislodge his hands, "Okay, just look after Ellie for me. And make sure that Tessa completes the spell."

I ignored the witch as she muttered, "I'm still right here."

"Be careful," Damon whispered against my lips, giving me a quick kiss, one full of worry and desperation, before letting me go. I whispered my promise that I would before I sped from the room. I paused in the parlour, glancing over at where Katherine sat. The older woman was pouting by the fire, which I was assuming that Damon had lit. But I ignored her in favour of looking at Caroline.

My friend had stood up when she saw me and I gave her a strained smile, "Do me a favour and keep an ear out for my two idiots in there? I don't trust them not to get into trouble while I'm gone."

Care immediately nodded before frowning, "Where are you going?"

"To find Amara and Stefan," I replied, bouncing on the heels of my feet, eager to get moving again. "It's a long story. Els can explain it if you need to know now. I need to get going."

I waited for the blonde to nod again before I disappeared from the room. I could feel my chest growing tight with worry and panic as I sped through the trees. But I ruthlessly pushed it from my mind. I couldn't afford to break, to let my emotions take control. I had to find Stefan and Amara before that happened. I had to keep both of them alive. I had to make sure that the Other Side remained intact, so that we could save Bonnie. I had to make sure that someone, be that me or Stefan, got rid of the threat that was Silas.

No, I had far too much to do, to let my panic take over.

XXX

I followed the scent of blood, my heart beating hard as I panicked. Because fuck me, there shouldn't be any blood. This should be a blood free forest. Why the fuck was there blood? But it got worse. Oh fuck me, did it get worse. I skidded to a stop on the edge of a small clearing, trying to gather my bearings, just before I heard a whispered, "Our eternity starts now."

It was a voice that I recognised and that scared the shit out of me. Because I knew that those words did not mean anything good. I took off again, desperately searching, eyes scanning the gloominess of the night. I had to find Amara before she did anything stupid. Before something happened to her.

But I failed.

I saw her in the distance, just as she stabbed herself, driving the knife deep into her chest. I let out a ragged cry as I forced myself to move faster, to do something, as she pulled out the knife, throwing it to the side. I caught the girl just as her legs gave out.

"No, no, no, no," I chanted, my voice cracking, as I held her close to me, one hand covering her bleeding wound. I knew that there was too much blood. I knew that this was a wound that would kill her. And I knew that I had to do something. "Hey, no, Amara. Please stay awake. You have to stay awake. Amara, sweetness, please, don't do this. Fuck." I glanced around, hoping to see Stefan, ignoring Silas' body on the ground behind me, as I felt my face change. The smell of her blood, it was overwhelming my control. My control that had already been weakened by Tessa's blood earlier, by me stupidly not feeding enough today. I took a deep breath and bit into my wrist, focusing only on that pain, before holding it to Amara's mouth. "Come on, Amara, please, just drink. Let me help you. Please don't die. You can't die." What little blood I managed to get into her mouth was soon coughed back up, the red staining her lips, dripping down her skin, marring her beauty. "No, no, no. Please let me save you. I can't fail you too. I can't fail Bonnie because of this. Please drink."

But no matter what I did, the blood just wouldn't stay down. And I didn't know why. Eventually, I just had to give up, pressing my hand over her leaking wound again. Deep down, I knew that it wouldn't do anything. That this wound would kill her. But I couldn't let myself believe it. I couldn't allow myself to accept the fact that I had failed again. That someone else was going to die because of me. That my friend was going to perish on the Other Side because of me.

The doppelganger's skin was pale, even as she forced her eyes open, looking up at me with a glazed expression, "Valeria. I'm so sorry. I've been in hell for two thousand years. But it wasn't enough to punish me for failing you."

"Hey," I gently stroked her cheek with my free hand, before trying to wipe away the blood around her mouth. But more blood continued to dribble from her mouth and I knew that this blood wasn't mine. Even as I refused to allow myself to accept it. "It's okay, Amara, sister. It's okay. You have nothing to be sorry for, it wasn't your fault."

I could feel the tears dripping down my face as peaceful look formed on the doppelgangers. My sweet girl, my sweet Amara, just murmured, her eyes slipping closed, "Thank you, Valeria. I hope I find peace, so I can be with you again. We can dance together in the fields of paradise."

"We can dance as much as you want," I held her close, pressing her face against my chest. "But not just yet. Please, Amara, just stay with me for a bit longer. Just give me a bit more time. I need more time. Please. Please. Please."

I knew that she could no longer hear me. Hear my begging. But I couldn't stop. The words just tumbled from my mouth as I clutched her close. Because I couldn't bear what the silence would bring. The lack of heartbeat. The lack of breath. The silence was the sound of my failure. I had failed two people tonight.

I had failed Bonnie. My poor Bonnie. I had failed to bring her back, like I had promised. Now not only was she doomed to the Other Side; the Other Side was doomed too. I didn't know how long it would be before it was destroyed, now that its anchor was gone. But I got the feeling that it wouldn't be long. I wouldn't have enough time to find a way to save her. This was my last chance and I had failed.

Just like I had failed Amara. I had sworn to save her, to protect her. To keep her alive. The poor girl hadn't lived, she had just suffered. And now she was dead. She would never get the chance to now. She was either doomed to the Other Side, or she had found peace. She would be with her sister, but that couldn't even comfort me now. Not as her warm blood dried on my skin, not as her body grew cold in my arms. Because I had told her that I would look after her. And now she would forever be a face that haunted my dreams.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into her hair before carefully picking her up. I refused to let the sweet girl just rot in the woods, next to the body of Silas. She deserved better than that. And so, I would bury her. And I would cover her grave in flowers. She would be the second girl that I had buried the woods, the second girl that I had failed, and I knew that I wouldn't move past this easily, if I ever did at all.

XXX

After burying Amara on the edge of the garden, somewhere that she could see the sun, where the open garden would no longer remind her of the small box, of being trapped in stone, I slowly made my way back into the Boarding House. The girl's blood was still drying on my hands, dirt sticking to it. I knew that I looked a mess. My tears had ruined my makeup, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Because I had lost Amara and I would soon be losing Bonnie.

I slowly made my way into the parlour, going to step off the small step and into the main area, before freezing. I could feel eyes on me, examining me, looking at the blood and the dirt and the tears. Damon and Elena exchanged worried looks in the background, but I didn't care. I couldn't care. Because Bonnie. My beautiful Bonnie was stood in the middle of the room.

My eyes were wide as I stared at her, almost vibrating in place, because this felt like a cruel joke. Because Amara died, taking the Other Side with her. So there was no way that she was there. That my friend, one who I had hurt so much, was in the middle of my parlour. Her name slipped past my lips, barely a whisper, but she nodded, a wide smile on her face, "I'm here, Alexa."

Her voice, so warm and happy, broke through my shock and I sped forward. My arms wrapped her and I squeezed, burying my face against her neck. I was probably crying again, as she rubbed my back. But I didn't care. I didn't care about anything except for the warm body in the arms. I could feel her breathing, I could hear her heartbeat. Her warmth surrounded me and I was definitely crying.

Words left my lips without realising, "Bonnie, oh god, Bonnie. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry, I didn't mean to drive you to that. You amazing, foolish, sweet, perfect, stubborn, idiotic amazing girl. I love you and you're so stupid and I'm so sorry. And thank you for giving Ellie back to me. But God, I'm so sorry that it cost you your life. Bonnie."

I could feel my friend laughing against my hair, "I forgive you, Alexa, even though you don't need forgiving. It was my choice."

"It was a stupid choice," I muttered, holding her even closer to me. "I lost you, Bon. And I didn't even know for so long. That was stupid too. I'm gonna yell at you over it soon."

Bonnie hummed, rubbing my back, before shaking her head, her hair brushing against my cheeks, "I missed you too."

"Love you, Bon," I mumbled before I felt someone standing in front of me. I reluctantly opened my eyes, shifting my head so that I could look up. Ellie met my gaze, a soft smile on her face, before she examined my hands. "It's not my blood."

I think my words said it all, as my twin winced, a sympathetic look in her eyes, before she joined the hug. I shifted Bonnie, tucking her into my side, before pulling Elena in to my arms. She wrapped her arms around me, making sure that Bon was included, before gesturing to our blonde friend. Caroline needed no more encouragement as she darted forward, joining the tangle of arms and faces. Bonnie was safely held in the middle of us, an indulgent look on her face. But she knew that we needed this. She had died, and we didn't even know, and now, she was back and we were never letting her go again.

"I still can't believe that it worked," Caroline whispered as Jeremy walked into the room. The kid had a giddy smile on his face as he looked at the girl he loved. And fuck me, I was not going to tease him over it. He deserved this happiness, after everything that he had been through. And I was not going to ruin that.

"If I pinch you, you can pinch me in return," I muttered, reluctantly moving my head back so that I could Bon in the face. "Because this feels like a dream." I went to cup her face before pausing as I saw the state of my hands. "Ah fuck, I'm sorry, Bon. I think I got blood on your cardigan." I had absolutely no idea what was so funny, but Ellie was soon snorting into my shoulder, her body shaking. I glanced between the three girls as they laughed, before raising a confused eyebrow. When they just continued laughing, even if the heartwarming sound did have my lips tugging up into a smile, I looked over at my boyfriend. He was looking a lot more relaxed than he did when I entered the room. "Um, help?"

"I've missed your chaos, Lexa," Bonnie's hand rested on my cheek, her smile lighting up her face and my heart clenched in my chest at the look. Despite my determination to bring her back, I honestly never thought that she would look at me like that. A part of me kind of thought that even if I did bring my friend back from the Other Side, she would hate me for everything that I did. And then for moving on from it all, well, trying to move on from it all. Because I was doing a pretty poor job of it.

"I kind of feel obligated to go wash my hands before I hug you again," I muttered, my fingers twitching at my side. "But I also don't want to leave your side right now."

"Well, it'll give her an excuse to wear some of the new clothes that I bought her over the summer," Caroline laughed as I just gave in, wrapping my friend in my arms and resting my head against hers.

"Has she started speaking about college plans yet?" I whispered against my witch's cheek and she laughed.

"It was literally the first thing that she did."

This time, I joined in with the laughter.

XXX

It was only when Jamie and Abby arrived that we left, giving our friend some time with her family. While Caroline disappeared into Boarding House, muttering something about finding Katherine before she did anything dodgy, I followed my sister as she left the house. She had muttered something about Stefan before walking into the gloominess of the woods. I went to follow her before a gentle hand caught my arm, holding me in place.

I glanced back at my boyfriend as he stared at me with worried eyes, before taking my hands in his. I had washed off the blood and the dirt before following my sister, removing the physical memory of what happened in the woods. I knew that it would take quite some time for me to get over it. But that fact that Amara's blood was no longer covering my hands helped.

"Hey," Damon's voice was soft as he looked at me, using his grip on my hands to tug me closer to him. And while I knew that I should go after Elena and make sure that she was okay, I was also reluctant to leave his side. I needed the comfort that his presence brought me and I was not in the right frame of mind to allow my guilt to deny me that comfort. "Are you okay?"

"Um, not really?" I sighed, not even bothering to try and bullshit an answer. "I mean, I'm so fucking thrilled that Bonnie is back and that the spell worked. And that I can finally start earning her forgiveness, properly earning it."

"But?"

"Amara died," I whispered, closing my eyes as I relived it in my head. "She stabbed herself and there was nothing that I could do to stop it. I went into those woods to save her, to protect her. And I failed. She died in my arms, Damon, I comforted her as she died, while knowing that her death could cause Bonnie to disappear from existence. I don't quite know how to feel about it."

"Well," my boyfriend pulled me into his arms, tucking my head under his chin as he gave me a reassuring squeeze. "For now, don't think about it. Focus only on Bonnie being back and when its morning, I'll help you deal with everything else."

"I buried her on the edge of the garden," I whispered into his skin as I tried to persuade my mind to listen to his words. "I knew that she would like it there. With the sun and the open space. She, uh, she talked about dancing with her sister in paradise. God, I hope she found peace. That she isn't stuck on the Other Side, all by herself."

"Despite Tessa's beliefs, Amara truly was an innocent girl. She would have found peace, Alexa, you don't need to worry about her anymore," Damon's voice was soft as his fingers stroked up and down my back, his other arm wrapped around my hips, holding me close to him.

"I need to believe that," I sighed, before glancing to the side, into the woods. "I think Stefan is burying Silas."

Damon nodded, a reluctant look on his face. I knew that he wanted to spend more time making sure that I was not going to break, not tonight. But we needed to make sure that Stefan was as okay as possible. Because we owed it to him, I owed it to him. I could break once the sun was in the sky. Tonight, I had to focus on my loved ones.

It was that thought that kept me going as we walked through the woods, following the sound of dirt hitting the ground. I knew that Elena had already found him, as she sighed, her voice soft, "So, he's dead. It's over."

"Yeah, it's over," Stefan replied, his voice painfully even as he continued to throw dirt on his tormenters body. I knew that he had been the one to kill Silas. I had seen his body while I held Amara's, I hadn't particularly cared about it in that moment in time. But knowing that he was dead? It was such a relief. He would no longer be able to torment my loved ones, he would no longer be able to hurt them. That threat was gone.

"Are you okay?" my sister asked and I sighed. He was never going to be okay after that. He had looked his tormenter in the eye and that hurt in a way that no one every prepared you for. Even if Silas was dead now, Stefan wouldn't be okay. Not for a long while. Even if he did try to run from it.

"I'm fine."

"Look at me and tell me that killing Silas worked," my idiot twin pushed. "That you'll be okay now."

"She can't be serious," I sighed, shaking my head as we saw our siblings standing amongst the trees. "I know that she isn't that stupid."

"She's desperate," Damon murmured, keeping me tucked under his arm.

"Why is this so important to you?" the younger Salvatore stopped digging, turning to look at my sister.

"Because I know how much he stole from you," Elena shook her head, biting her lip as she considered her next words.

"Yeah, and he's dead."

"And because while you were suffering in that safe, grasping onto hope, fighting every second so that you wouldn't lose your humanity… I was happy. I got everything that I wanted, Stefan. I got to live, I got the summer of my dreams, I got Bonnie back. So, I need to know that this worked. I need to know that it's gonna take all of your suffering away. I need to know that you're gonna be okay."

Stefan's gaze met mine over Ellie's shoulder and the pain in those green depths had my breathing hitching, "I wanted it to be you. When that safe finally opened and somebody found me… I wanted it you be you. I wanted it to be all three of you. And I know that you were trying to find me, but… it still hurts."

XXX

I stayed in the woods with Stefan, leaning against a tree near the grave, while he continued to bury Silas. Ellie had left not long after his words, her guilt consuming her, and I encouraged her to go. Because I knew that Stefan wouldn't want her to see him break. He probably wouldn't want me to see it either but I didn't care. I was not going to let him suffer alone. Because I knew that this wasn't over. His PTSD wasn't going to be suddenly fixed because Silas was rotting in a hole. It would take time and effort and there was still so much pain waiting for him.

I glanced up when the other vampire collapsed to his knees, clutching his head, whimpering, "No. No. It's over. It's supposed to be over."

I immediately darted forward, dropping my knees next to Stefan, wrapping him in my arms and tugging him in close. His hands gripped my arms, his fingers digging into my skin, his grip far too tight. But I didn't care. Because he was in pain and I had sworn that I would help him with that.

"It's okay, you aren't alone, Stefan, we're here for you," I whispered into his hair, pressing his face against my shoulder as I held him tight. As Damon crouched down in front of us, a pained look in his eyes as he looked down at his brother, I gave him a helpless look. Because I knew that I couldn't protect him from this pain, no matter what I had promised him.

And I hated myself for it.

XXX

A/N: Poor Stefan :( he really went through it in the first half of season 5 and I just couldn't resist letting Alexa look after him! Thank you for the reviews, my lovelies! I love reading them and they can encourage quicker updates ;) especially since I seem to be knocking out season 5 chapters right now, which is weird but I am not complaining lol please keep them coming! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! The next one will be in the new year, once I've added to my backlog and hopefully I won't get too distracted over the festive period! Until next time, I hope you enjoyed xoxo